Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Daddy Dearest
By Heathen | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.27.2000
The only thing Arabian Nights is missing is Kazaam the Rapping Genie, that devilish scamp played to such great, unintentionally comedic effect by Shaquille O'Neal.
Bryan and Ashley arrive in San Francisco, and both get huge hugs from Bryan's mother and his baby niece Trisha. "I wish she didn't have to work so hard," Bryan says in confessional mode, eyes moistening a bit. "I think everyone wishes that for their mom." Ashley shakes their hands and heads off for his flight to Redding, Calif., half-skipping through the airport with a guitar-case in hand à la Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. He's confronting his stepfather, but it's OK -- he has confidence in confidence alone, besides which, you see, he has confidence in... him.
At Casa Chan, Bryan is passing pictures around his family circle. He actually shows his grandmother a picture of Lou, and she actually doesn't scream, run or vomit. Bryan talks a bit about his grandmother being a role model for him, but he almost cries when he mentions his father. "He's always supported me," Bryan says. You know, Bryan seems like a decent guy. I wonder which synapse misfired and impelled him to audition for a boy band.
Cut to a close-up on the Angel family mailbox. Ashley's parents, Ronald and Paula, wander around the backyard chatting as they wait for Ashley to arrive. They stand by a strange shed and talk, looking as though they're aiming for privacy but failing miserably since they're both wired to the hilt with microphones. "I just don't think this is the road (for him)," Ronald says, shaking his head. "He's capable of much more than just dancing in front of a camera." Finally a voice of reason! His gut tells him it's not a good thing -- and this comes without even seeing the show, or Lou, or even Mini-Lou. Paula, though, doesn't worry because she "has a lot of faith in him." Ronald says he can't feel the same way. The front door slams as Ashley and Shelli enter the house, and...
... We're transported to Hawaii, where it's 6:42 AM and Ikaika's dad is doing his morning radio show at KORL FM. He introduces his three sons -- Haku, Kamuelo and Ikaika, who's been "missing in action" and who says that the radio show is part of what he's missed the most. We learn entertaining people is in the Kahoano genes -- his older brother, Haku, is a lyricist and the young Kamuelo is "a musical genius," Ikaika says, claiming it's empowering to go home and be with people who are always looking out for him. Outside the station, the three brothers sit chatting about Ikaika's career. "Don't feel totally obligated," says Kamuelo, delivering his only line of the episode. Haku haikus: "We are three soldiers // vying for the family // it's obligation." Then, "If something happens // one of us falls, two are left // Family needs you." Ikaika, polishing his halo and fluffing his wings, says he'll probably make $165,000 and give it all away to family members, keeping none for himself because he doesn't need money. Um, that's one plan you might want to run past Malia. But Ikaika respects Haku and always listens to his phat syllabic poetry. Later, in the park, Ikaika and Malia are getting the Corleone family-first, do-what-I-say-or-else treatment from Mr. Kahoano, who reminds them what a great opportunity O-Town is. "Your younger brother said he'd do it for $25 and a couple of pineapples," Mr. Kahoano points out. Lou's jaw drops and he considers sending out new contracts, whereas Ikaika simply listens and gnaws thoughtfully on a stringy, weedy piece of foliage. "You're a representative not only of the family, but of all the people of Hawaii," Mr. Kahoano, the first and last Hawaiian Don, tells his son. "It's a tough thing we're asking you to do, but not that many things are easy in life." Malia, as usual, sits next to Ikaika and broods, wondering when and why her boyfriend's family turned all Godfather on his ass. Ikaika sits quietly, thinking and chewing his cud.
Zooming to the opposite end of the pressure spectrum, Ashley finally sits down with stepfather Ronald to convince him that jiggling, wiggling and otherwise belittling himself on stage is in fact a respectable career. "I've looked for you to be approving of that side of my life, and you haven't been," Ashley says, as the camera treats us to his angelic senior photo and an old family picture. "I want to tell you everything." Ronald thinks he knows what's going on, and he highly, highly, highly disagrees with Ashley's choice to be in a band -- drug puns probably intended. "I personally believe the music industry is a very negative industry," Ronald says. "It'll chew you up and spit you out in a heartbeat." Either Ronald's the only Angel family member who's done a background check on Lou's legal history, or he's an embittered old man who failed miserably in his 1970s attempt to rock out with a band. Or both. He tells Ashley to keep his career to himself because it's too painful to hear about it. "But you taught me to play the guitar," Ashley blubbers. "I love piano." That's exactly it, Ash -- you're using precisely none of those skills in your "music" career. In a confessional scene, Ashley is crying and talking about how his father just doesn't understand, and that he's always longed to please his dad but never succeeded in doing it. Ronald, for his part, disapproves of Ashley skipping out on school. "So you sign a record deal, that's fine. So you make immediate big fat money. So what? What about YOU?" Ronald asks, exasperated. He refutes Ashley's tearful claim that he's considered all that already. "I know my dad loves me, but it doesn't feel like it when he doesn't support me," Ashley sobs. "Like, I would never do that to, like, my son. If he was ever THAT in love with something, I couldn't be that cold." Ronald and his son have a silent face-off, as mom Paula tries not to chip in with an opinion or facial expression. She succeeds admirably. Finally, Dad tells Ashley he'll always love him, but won't ever approve. "If I turn on the television and see you on it, I'm going to turn it back off. It's too painful for me," Ronald says. Ashley is to keep his career outside the house and only talk to his mother about it. His head in his hands, Ashley cries. It reminds me of the Cat Stevens song Father and Son: "If they were right // I'd agree // but it's them they know, not me, now // there's a way // and I know // that I have to go away." That Stevens was one savvy Cat.