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MTV Plays Lou Pearlman

Becoming O-Town - And takes advantage of the saddest five boys ever.

Pamie

Five to One

Band Of Brothers - The boys try their hardest to make Clive consider them better songwriters than Diane Warren. It doesn't work out exactly the way they planned it in their heads.

Pamie

O-No!

Jacob's Hits...Or Misses - The members of O-Town try to write their own songs. It's just as pretentious as you might imagine.

Pamie

"I'm Not Here. This Isn't Happening."

A Furor In Germany - O-Town pretends to be in Germany with fake fans and fake hijinks.

Pamie

Two Men Enter, Nobody Leaves

Breaking The Band - Ashley tries to follow his real dream of stardom by auditioning for an independent film. Nobody will let Ashley audition, however, because they saw his work in a crappy workshop. Trevor sees what life would look like without O-Town, and it's pretty bleak.

Pamie

Me Recap-a Es You Re-Crap-a

All For The Fans - The boys flirt awkwardly as whores are unleashed on them.

Pamie

Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be O-Town

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This: Total Request Live - We are forced to see an entire episode of TRL just to see mostly-naked baby pictures of Erik.

Pamie

Nice Contest, Trash

Going To The Chapel... - See just how low O-Town will go with Vegas hos.

Pamie

Trevor Wastes Our Time

Time Off (Looking For Love) - In this episode, we get further proof that Trevor is a loser, and that nobody cares about Dan. In a totally fake plot, the boys get two days to spend in a cabin where they pretend to have sexual interest in females.

Pamie

Boring! Take Off Your Shirts!

Making The Singer - O-Town is forced to audition and then host a "friend" who wants "advice" from the "experienced" boys. They end up picking the personality-less J.D., who offers not one second of entertaining television. Oh, except that he gets fired.

Pamie

"Something, Something, Move, Move, Move!"

The Britney Spears Tour - Renewing our faith in making the impossible possible, Making the Band gets another season. This time we're supposed to think they're "legit." Watch Britney Spears try to pretend she knows them as they open for Britney when the real opening artists get sick for a show or two.

Pamie

Thank You, Boys

The Concert Toll - We bid a fond farewell to the boys of O-Town at the end of season two. Don't worry -- Jacob gets his last hissyfit in.

Pamie

Jacob's Ladder -- The Quest To Get Over Himself

Return Home - Jacob fancies himself a songwriter as Ashley learns you can never go home again.

Pamie

"Mommy? Make The Bad Men Stop Singing!"

National Tour - Jacob and Ashley become the musical equivalents of John and Paul. John Mahoney and Paul Reiser, that is. Lou pretends to be the soft pillow the boys can cuddle up to again. The whole episode is really that gross.

Pamie

Erik's Family Matters

Too Much Pressure - Erik decides to meet his birth father and siblings.

Pamie

Talk Like a Dan

Success? - Dan finally gets to say what's been on his mind all this time. Turns out it was absolutely nothing. Thanks for wasting our time, Dan.

Pamie

Ashley and Trevor Cry Themselves to Sleep

Relationships - The boys try to look like rock stars when they call up their high-school groupies. News flash: the girls aren't gonna lower themselves for just any boy band.

Pamie

Get, Get On the Mike. Get On the Mike, Mike!

New Management - There ain't no dumber kids than the O-Town kids. Mike and Mike convince the boys that everyone's looking out for they boys' best interests. Man, they don't care. They just wanna sing!

Pamie

Ditching Lou

Breaking Away - The boys film a video and try to write Lou out of their contract. Two very bad decisions in a row.

Pamie

My Aching Ears!

Reunion - Ashley's girlie returns to remind us all why we don't date girls from Florida. Puking, grinding, titties, and Ashley butt inside. Best. Episode. Ever.

Pamie

Erik + Ashley = Non-Gay Love 4 Eva!

Radio Play - Erik suffers family heartbreak but finds solace in the naked arms of O-Town's finest.

Pamie

Is That Sideshow Bob?

Resentment - Pamie's never seen an episode of Making the Band before. Like that's going to stop her from recapping.

Pamie

Trevor Chest

Old Flame - A little happiness, a little sadness, one or two pretty good upper-body close-ups, and a lot of bloated narrative about a relationship even the people in it don't want to talk about that much. And nine cumulative seconds of music. It's very unbelievable fun for your whole very unbelievable family.

Djb

Death Takes a Holliday

Recap - Never having actually lived in this century, an incredulous Clive Davis can't seem to figure out why five random young men put on a stage in front of a national audience fail to kill. He deploys a brand-new management team and vocal coach to threaten the five boys with obscurity and public humiliation. Hi. This show airs on Friday night and this band sucks. Don't they already have both of those things?

Djb

Erik, O Erik, Why Does Your Hair Grow?

O-Town: The Video - O-Town premieres the video for its first single, "Liquid Dreams," and Erik-Michael perpetrates two cranial offenses. Ashley looks pretty. Jacob looks like TyJuan. Trevor has muscles. Oh, and Dan's there, too.

Heathen

O-Town Meets Miss America

O-Town Meets Miss America - O-Town's lousy performance makes the Miss America wannabes look like superhuman musical geniuses. In a snappy bit of synergy, Miss Hawaii wins the contest.

Heathen

O-Town on All My Children

O-Town on All My Children - Firing up those Emmy campaigns, Ashley makes his acting debut and Susan Lucci single-handedly earns the statuette by pretending -- badly, but that's okay -- that O-Town is a hot new talent in the music industry. Singing ensues.

Heathen

This is The End

MTV Concert - Lou penetrates the O-Zone lair and zeroes in on his favorite room -- the kitchen. He's got a surprise for O-Town. Apparently, the band will travel to New York City for a so-called showcase.

Heathen

The Crying Game

The Vacation - A few weeks ago, Jay dared the guys to sustain a healthy relationship during the upcoming years, and something tells me -- it's a radical idea -- that someone's girlfriend gets jettisoned in the next half hour.

Heathen

Ich Bin Ein Ridiculous

Germany - If Erik doesn't take care of himself, Ashley posits, then he'll never be cured of his virus and the recording trip to Germany will be a wash.

Heathen

In Dan We Trust

The Replacement - Ikaika's still in the credits. Dan isn't there yet, because of course no one knows whether he makes it. It's a mystery. Really.

Heathen

Dan in the Man Van?

Four-Member Group - Jay encourages them to work on Ikaika one final time, and the trio heads inside. Wow, all that trouble just to alter the inevitable -- don't they get it? Well, maybe brainy Erik told the gang that "inevitable" means "reversible."

Heathen

Lights... Camera... Extraction

Press Tour - Chapter the First: Something's Rotten in the State of Hawaii. And apparently, it's migrating stateside -- Haku has arrived in L.A.

Heathen

House of Boos

House Of Blues - Performance time nears. "The fact that makeup and hair came…I was like, 'This feels like a real performance,'" Trevor says in confessional. Okay, I know it's only the Orlando House of Blues and not the Chicago version, but it still looks pretty damn real to me.

Heathen

Jacob and his Amazing Technicolor Ego

Dress Rehearsal - We'll dedicate this episode to TyJuan's passion, sacrifice and determination, since he's a stud and his career's in the incapable hands of five lackluster singers.

Heathen

Jammin' For Jailbait

Insecurities Arise - We're treated to a sampling of what's to come: Southwest Middle School. The group's first performance will be to a bunch of screaming, wailing pubescent girls who think any guy with hair on his legs is an erotic fantasy.

Heathen

O-Town Doesn't Practice Anymore

Getting Ready - The time is now 11:15 AM, and they're clearly late for something, as the guys are debating what web of deceit to spin today. "We'll say we woke up late," Erik says. Someone points out that it's bad to tell that to an interviewer.

Heathen

Two Winners, Five Losers?

Goodbye Friends - Bryan tearfully tells the camera, "If someone came up and offered one million dollars in exchange for this experience, I wouldn't take it." The mind boggles. If someone offered me a million dollars in exchange for sharing their experience, I'd be on it like Jacob to a mirror. And so it ends for Mike and Bryan.

Heathen

All For Naught, Baby

O-Town Members Announced - Ashley and Erik-Michael gather later in Jacob and Trevor's bedroom. Trying to become the group's spiritual core, Erik's lips point out that it's all predestined -- he's here because he's supposed to be there, and the same goes for everyone else in the room.

Heathen

Celebrity Deathmatch: Jacob Underwood vs. Ikaika Kahoano

Decision Time - We see Bryan dialing Ikaika in Hawaii, but he reaches an answering machine and informs us he's called every day and failed to reach his friend. Jacob finally reminds us that Ikaika left no word as to the date of his return.

Heathen

Mr. Pearlman and the Rats of N.I.M.H.

New Year's Eve - The moral of today's tale: Give up your passion for partying and sacrifice your identity in your determination to be a successful boy-band. This is a healthy message indeed.

Heathen

Bye Bye Bye

Goodbye Paul - In its triumphant return, this week's show is about Lou's passion for swindling people, Paul's decision to sacrifice a spot in O-Town, and Ikaika's determination to behave like a flaky wimp who doesn't know his own mind -- which makes sense, because he lacks one.

Heathen

Daddy Dearest

Record Contracts - As usual, the pre-credits sequence tips us off that this will be an episode centering on Ikaika and Ashley, juxtaposing two dissimilar family situations. There are social morals here, folks, brewed fresh and Bunim-Murray style -- so, laced with arsenic.

Heathen

Obsession Is Nine-Tenths Of The Law

Finalists Practice - Erik says he sees a conflict between having a personal life and embarking on this career. It's time to prioritize, he can't have a relationship right now, and damn his fishy, boyish looks for luring ladies to his lips like vultures to a cadaver.

Heathen

For Whom The Loin Roils

Girlfriends Visit - This show is less about eight guys, and more about Paul's passion (for girls), Paul's sacrifice (staying celibate for two episodes) and Paul's dreams (of nubile young female groupies).

Heathen

Big Lou Is Watching You

The Joint Venture - In a nutshell, Trevor thinks the position is his to lose, but that he's not an automatic "in" like some others. Making air-quotes, Trev says Jacob is "in" for sure.

Heathen

Orlando Blues

Orlando Blues - Ikaika. That about sums it up. Because he's from Hawaii and no one else is, Ikaika eschews diversity and instead complains about how he's different from everyone else. Paul flirts with anything breasted.

Heathen

Pilot

Pilot - It's Episode I: A New Hope, and a booming voice reads the scroll: "This real-life series chronicles the creation of a band....There are no actors, no script -- just raw talent, a dream, and a camera recording every step of the journey."

Heathen