Previously: Branden, Jonathan, and Sandhurst have made it all this way. In the hour, one of them will be a supermodel! Tyson will have to say a new line! Is he really ready for this?
It's the last morning that we'll be peeking into the condos across the street from my gym. There's a bunk bed that has been packed away. The guys are waking up and Branden interviews excitedly that he's in the finale and he's "one third away from $100,000." [One third of what? A mile? A furlong? - Zach] He finds the clue for the photo challenge. It reads that being a supermodel can make you an "instant success." They have to take the subway to 2nd Street and Avenue A. Is there a photo studio there? I can only think of bars. Hopefully, they're getting drunk for this, their final challenge. None of them are even concerned with trying to figure this one out. For real, though. Polaroids? Tang? Who knows? It could be anything. Sandhurst interviews that he just wants this experience to happen the way that it's supposed to happen. That's a pretty good attitude. You know, I really like Sandhurst. He's been a really fun presence on my TV this spring. Jonathan and Branden witness him doing a little dance to himself, and Jonathan says that's Sandhurst's "happy dance." Branden responds by dancing his own happy dance down the hallway and punctuating it by clicking his heels in midair.
The boys leave the condo and walk past my gym! I think you can see me crying in there. Branden interviews that he has surprised himself -- he thought he would be going home earlier. He says "let the best man win" then silently points at himself. Sandhurst doesn't want to lie -- of course he saw himself in the finals. He's going to keep on trucking until the confetti drops. That was the same advice that I got from Bernadette, a lady I waited tables with at a diner when I was in college. Jonathan reminds us that he has a kid, which fuels all of his underwear-modeling aspirations. It's nothing about vanity, folks. It's all about the kid.
They arrive at a church-looking place and get buzzed in. Tyson and Nicole are waiting for them. Tyson greets them and congratulates the three guys for being the final people standing, though modeling is a female-dominated industry. He says that he's proud of them, and Nicole rolls her eyes and says that she's proud, too, which gets a laugh. She says their shoot is going to be easy today-- no "octopi" (fancy word!), no freezing water, and no fire. Wow -- it's like this show was Make Me A Navy SEAL. Tyson introduces this week's photographer, Timothy Greenfield-Sanders. Wow. This guy is huge. His work is in the collections of MOMA, the Whitney, and the Met. Tyson says that he's shot everyone from "porn stars to presidents" and Branden's face lights up. I don't think it's because Timothy has met Jimmy Carter.
Jonathan says that they felt that they were in the presence of someone great. He's taking their photos with this amazingly huge Polaroid camera. Dude, I got that. It makes a 20-inch by 24-inch photo in 5 minutes. There are only 5 cameras like this in the world. Wow. Branden muses on how lucky they are and that someone would kill to be in his position. He adds that he would kill someone to be in his position, were he not already in his position. Timothy says that these photos really show who a person is. There's no retouching, and they just need to be themselves. Tyson says that no one will be declared the photo winner this week. The judges will pick a winner. They will shoot a close-up, a body-length photo, and a group shot.
Sandhurst is up first. He's shirtless, and Timothy asks him to lean forward as he sits on a stool. With a review of the photo challenge shots that he's taken flashing across the screen, Sandhurst interviews that, for now, he's tossing out all of the criticism he has heard and he's going to be himself. The process for the camera is amazing. It's really like a giant Polaroid camera. Timothy loves the result. He remarks that Sandhurst's face is perfect. He tells us that he tries to reach in and find who a person is and he feels that he did that with Sandhurst. It is really nice. Sandhurst interviews that the show has helped him get over his insecurities. He's now confident that he can "just deliver." That little chestnut means nothing to me, but I'm glad he's got something.
Jonathan's and walks onto the set shirtless with that Popeye arm walk. Seriously, Jon, you're a fit guy, we get it. I am positive that your arms can comfortably rest at your side. Try it. Why is he irking me all of a sudden? Don't win, Jonathan. We see his photo challenge pics. They aren't showing the first one, when they're all in the suspended plastic box. There's Jon's ass, with the scarf. Timothy poses him then says that he messed up right before he takes the photo, in order to get realness from Jonathan. The picture is really special. Timothy says that you can see Jonathan's sweetness and he doesn't overdo things in front of the camera. Jonathan says that the innocence he sees in his photo is something that he tries to hide, because he has always looked at the trait as a little bit of a weakness. That's interesting.
Branden is up and they actually show his first shot during the review. The shot from his first gay rodeo. He says that the finale is a sprint to the finish, and he believes that he's faster than the other guys. Timothy poses him and takes the shot. It's beautiful. Christ almighty, Branden is so good-looking. Oh my God. Timothy says that Branden's got it. He adds that most models have one really good angle, but Branden's got several. He even tells Branden that his photo is better-looking than he is in real life!
Sandhurst is back for his full-length shot. He's dressed and stands in first position and bends over to the left. Just watching it, he looks kind of goofy, but the photo is really interesting. Branden is . Timothy asks him to stretch his mouth open, then relax it. Interesting little hint for all of you tense-mouthed folks out there. Branden says that he thinks his photo is supermodel level. Jonathan is . Timothy asks him to hold in his stomach. I don't even know what to make of that. Why? So you can see his spinal cord from the front? Jon says that he just tried to make the clothes look like they belong to him. For the group shot, they are all in white shirts and black accessories. Sandhurst is sitting with Branden and Jon flanking him. It's a cool photo. Timothy says that it's a flawless photo. [Sounds like somebody has a high opinion of his work. Of course, he is in the Met. - Z]
They all go back to the condo and go to sleep. At 6:30 the morning, Cory Bautista wakes them with a phone call. He tells them that they are all going on a go-see to "one of the most prestigious names in the biz." Cosmopolitan. The magazine. One of the most prestigious names in the biz. The magazine that has quizzes for women to figure out if their best friends are trying to murder them or whether or not they administer oral sex with the proper flair. One of the most prestigious names in the biz. Jonathan hold in his laughter and says that his wife and sister read the magazine... it's world renowned! Also, Jonathan has a feather collar on his coat. That's effed. As they are getting ready, Sandhurst mumbles, "Victory is mine" under his breath. Jon replies, "Not if I can stop you." [Easy, Lex Luthor. - Z]
Kate White, the woman who usurped Helen Gurley Brown and is therefore a natural enemy of fun and having it all, introduces her design director Ann Kwong (who is tiny tiny!!), fashion director Michelle McCool, and photographer Marc Baptiste. She explains that they've had guys on the cover, too, like Matt Damon. This shoot is going to be a cover test.
They start with Jonathan. He walks in front of the lights and strikes his pose. Michelle laughs that he doesn't need any direction and he says, "This is what I do." That's kinda gross. He's stiff and Ann keeps asking him to loosen up. He interviews that this is the first time he's felt that he didn't perform well enough. He likens his situation to being stuck in neutral searching for first gear. He does one shot with his hand in his pocket and Kate deems it too feminine, but he reminds her that he's British. Kate later says that Jon needed to loosen up -- he posed too much.
Branden is , and Marc says that he's looking good from the first frame. He keeps urging Branden to "get that girl!" Kate says that Branden is "dreamy" and has a great future. Sandhurst is and is a little stiff at first. Marc calls him to the camera and urges him to get sexy. He loosens up a little, then Marc has him take his shirt off. The girls go wild! Kate laughs to him afterwards that he was much more relaxed with his shirt off.
Afterwards, Kate offers all of them a critique. She tells Sandhurst that he's great for both fashion and lifestyle, but his eyes can be a bit vacant. She tells Branden that he did the best at balancing fun and fearless. She tells Jonathan that he was stiff. He interviews that he screwed the pooch on the worst possible day for pooch screwing. She wishes them luck and they leave.
At the condo, there are personalized invitations waiting for them. Branden reads his aloud and pronounces cordially as "cordally." He rushes over it, too. He doesn't know that word. He's from Oregon, right? I'm calling their Board of Education tomorrow. Anyway, they're invited to a gallery opening. They are on the guest list, plus one. He's confused by this. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. It's Branden's mom!!! They're so excited to see each other. This is probably the longest they've been apart, considering he's only 18. He shows her the suit he bought at Bloomie's and she asks, "You... you have money?" He explains the shopping spree to her and also shows her the scarf he got for her. She seems thrilled, and Sandhurst remarks at how happy he looks giving her something. Branden interviews that he loves his mom. He says that his father was a coward. He left them when he was born and now he wants to have a son so he can be the father that he never had. He says that he thinks he'll do a great job.
Devonne, Sandhurst's sister, enters the condo. When she and Sandhurst see each other -- screaming. They're fun. She's flown all the way from Trinidad to see him. He makes a joke about how she's gotten all dressed up to be cute on TV. Jon looks around forlornly and wonders if anyone has come for him. After all we've heard about this damn wife and baby, they better be right outside. They are! Wow, cute baby! Jonathan runs and hugs them gently. Lots of kissing. Jude, the baby, is walking now.
They all pile into limos. They go to a gallery, where photos of the three guys are on display. Nicole and Tyson are there. Nicole holds Jude and says that he must be thinking, "Ooh, pretty girl." She JUST said that! I'm not even kidding. Then, she says that the kid peed his pants, like that's something that babies shouldn't do. Branden and his mom, Diane, come into the gallery and are totally excited. Most of the photographers from the show are there, as well as the judges. Branden gives Perou a hug and says that he never thought he would be with him. Awkward sentence. Not one to just be nice, Perou replies, "What do you mean? You've never been with me." Diane looks at all of the photos of Branden and seems pretty shocked. She doesn't even recognize him in the candy shoot picture. Finally, she's like, "Oh my gosh, my son's a supermodel!"
Devonne loves the portrait of Sandhurst. It mesmerized her. They both laugh when she sees the shot of Sandhurst from the naked shoot. She thinks he has "it." Amanda, Jonathan's wife, says that he had a polish in the new photos that she knew he could have with the right opportunities. She's a bit low-energy, yes? Cory points out that some of Branden's photos are spectacular. Devonne says that she thinks Branden works his face, Jonathan works his body, and Sandhurst marries the two. Perou asks Jonathan who he thinks will win, and he says himself.
On the way out, Branden, without irony, shouts, "I love you, Nicole!" Diane is excited that her son was just art! She tells him that his beach shot was "off the hook," then they laugh that she just said that phrase. There are emotional goodbyes for Jonathan and Branden. Diane says that she sent a boy to New York and is getting a man back.
Inside the condo, the guys are sitting silently and Sandhurst says that he has to apologize to Branden because he underestimated him. Branden says that's OK, because he underestimated himself. "Hell yeah, you did," replies Sandhurst. Branden then says, "May the best man win." Sandhurst says, "Thank you." Ha!
The morning, as they are getting ready, Branden reminds everyone that it is the last day. Jonathan says that Branden smells good -- it's the first time in 2 months that he's wearing deodorant. That can't be true. Jonathan assesses the competition. He thinks Branden has gotten stronger but has a shaky walk. Sandhurst has been strong from day one. It's a three-man competition. Is it? Go Branden!
Nicole and Tyson greet them at the catwalk. They will be walking with two looks-- and they need to be fun and fabulous. The first look is high fashion, reminiscent of Viktor & Rolf. The second look is downtown style. They'll be wearing Ben Sherman suits. Jonathan analyzes the elements of a good walk. Sandhurst is calm and believes firmly that he is going to win. Branden is really nervous.
Matthew Rolston is a guest judge! He's pretty big shit, that dude. Branden walks first, and he interviews that he brings "funness" in his eyes. Oh my God. Jonathan is and looks like a fool. He sells his outfit, though. Sandhurst looks like a lot of fun. Jonathan walks in his Ben Sherman suit, accompanied by the theme song! I want it all, too! Jon's all talking about how this is what he does and he's meant to be here. Blah. Here's Branden. Looking good. Sandhurst looks good, too. He says that he's thinking about all of the times that he has been on that catwalk and about all of the other catwalks that he will walk in his life.
Afterwards, Tyson introduces the judges, including Matthew Rolston. Marlon asks Jonathan how he felt seeing his family. Jenny says that his first runway was perfect -- he could have veered into parody, a la Richard Simmons. Excuse me, Jenny Shimizu, Richard Simmons CHANGES LIVES. Sweat to that. Perou says that, "He's got it," was written all over his second walk. Matthew greets the guys and says that he loved Jonathan's portrait for Timothy. He says that it's very human. Catherine says that he looks too posed in his full body shot. Then, she, as the designated voice of doom, asks if he would be able to travel and leave his family, as a model has to do. He says that his relationship with his wife and child is strong and they support him. Marlon says that Jonathan has looked better than his photos for Timothy.
Marlon reminds Branden that he told them he was good at getting girls' phone numbers. He asks if he ever got Nicole's. She replies, "If he wins." Branden laughs and says, "That's messed up." Perou commends Branden for the progress he has made in his photos over the weeks. Matthew says that the two photos that Branden took for Timothy could be used in an ad campaign. His reasoning is that fashion people are looking for something unique and Branden has a very unique quality. He points out that there is an s-curve in both of Branden's photos, which is super-clinical. I'm not sure he sports those angles all of the time. Branden says that, after he was told that he was too cocky, he thought that he was going home. Perou says that they thought he was, too. I hope somebody clocks this guy when it's all over. I hate him. Marlon commends him for rebounding after his criticism. Catherine asks him if it was hard not having a male role model, and Branden gets choked up. He steps to the back of the catwalk and Sandhurst and Jon go to him and tell him to breathe. Sandhurst in particular is really helpful. Branden comes back and says that his mom fulfilled the role of both parents for him. She taught him guy things as well as the normal mom stuff. He thinks she did a good job. Catherine asks him if he's ready to spread his wings and leave mom at home. He is.
Marlon loved Sandhurst's first walk. Matthew didn't like his second walk. He did a side pose thing at the end of the catwalk that Matthew didn't feel showed off the suit very well. Perou loved his headshot. He replies that if the shoot with Timothy had occurred at the beginning of the show, he would have had problems with it, but not now. Catherine asks him if, as a young boy, he wanted to be a dancer or a supermodel. He replies that he wanted to be a pilot. He recalls that his mother is a lawyer but wanted to be an actress and his father was in the military but wanted to be a dancer. He's going to go for what he wants and not have any regrets. No matter what happens, he'll know he tried.
Perou says that he's confused now because all of them are very strong. He says that whoever doesn't win should know that it was a close contest. Cory Bautista is there and says that he will be happy to represent any one of them. Dude, you can give them all contracts.
The judges confer. Catherine feels that Branden was transformed into a man. Marlon thinks that, because he apparently took some bad pictures a few weeks ago that I can't remember, he's not ready yet. No no no, says Catherine. Branden is just at the beginning of his career. He just revealed himself tonight. I love you, Malandrino! She makes modeling sound like swans and water fountains. Perou said that he thought Sandhurst would win when he first saw his photos. Jenny comments that he peaked too soon. He was always good, but they couldn't get him to be excellent. She loves his fire photo, but feels that he's too aware of his body. Matthew agrees and says that it looks mannered. He lacks spontaneity. Catherine says that Jonathan is very consistent. They all loved his runway. Matthew says he was the best tonight on the runway. Marlon thinks that Jonathan is a sure thing. Jenny thinks that his photos are good, but he's just another handsome man in them. Matthew adds that he'll work, but he's ultimately forgettable. Marlon says that, based on portfolios, he'd pick Jonathan. But, then there's Branden's photo with Timothy. Matthew says that were it not for that photo, he wouldn't choose Branden. But it is, and he would. Perou says that, again based on the book, he'd pick Sandhurst. Wow, they actually seem honestly confused. This is good.
So, I'm at odds with America. The text poll thing has Jonathan in the lead for the win, with Branden as the loser. I just honestly think that Branden is the most big-time model-like of the bunch. The judges are back. Tyson's got the book! Again, $100,000, a one-year contract with New York Model Management, and a Cosmo shoot. Sandhurst is mesmerizing, Branden is a man now, and Jonathan is consistent. Jonathan is... not going to be supermodel! They have confidence in his ability to work, though. He leaves the catwalk. Backstage, he sits as we hear an interview. He has no regrets, and he guesses he's just not a supermodel right now. Back onstage, Branden... they CAN make you a supermodel!!!! I knew it! Confetti! Here's looking at you, Bernadette! Branden looks stunned, then hugs Sandhurst. Tyson gives blessings to Sandhurst, who goes backstage and hugs Jonathan. Jonathan says, "The kid did well," which I think is really nice. Everybody hugs Branden as he interviews that he brought the real Branden out and kicked ass. "Ladies, I'm here." Onstage, Nicole says, "Let me get to my husband," and hugs on him. OK, so I loved this show so much! Who knew? I hope all of you have liked it as well. Thank you very much for reading!
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Jeff Long thinks it's safe to go back to the gym. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.