You thought Bravo could create only one supermodel? Well, no. They're bigger than that. It's Season 2! 16 people with "one dream" will be competing for a year's representation with New York Model Management, a "fashion pictorial" in Cosmopolitan (heh) and $100,000. One of the 16 is a guy who remembered his scarf but forgot to wear ANYTHING ELSE. But, you really can't blame him. Clothes can be so annoying. We're told via voiceover that the show has assembled a masterful panel to help with the making of the supermodel. The panel of judges consists of international model scout and manager Marlon (just the one name), supermodel Jenny Shimizu, fashion photographer Perou (again, only one name), and fashion designer Catherine Malandrino. This is an opportunity of a lifetime! And it begins now!
The credits roll by. All of the models are "super"-sized and stepping on New York, which is a metaphor for the viewers' self-image. Nice-looking bunch. There's that guy, Colin, who keeps telling us on the promos that he's a 21-year old virgin. Even after being on a show about models? Still a virgin? I'm assuming that spot was shot after the show. He's just not trying if he's still a virgin. And there's our dashing host, Tyson Beckford. No Nikki Taylor this year. We've got Nicole Trunfio. Not familiar.
We meet Mountaha who tells us that she loves being a model and this opportunity means the world to her. She's from Brazil and is a sales associate. Wow, Mountaha's face does NOT pause well. She's dressed like Inspector Gadget. There's Colin. He's a 21-year old virgin who has never gotten "much attention from the girls." Perhaps it's because the weight of the responsibility of taking the virginity that you can never stop talking about? Chris is 22 and is androgynous, which he sees as an advantage. Truth be told, he's a cute guy but a GORGEOUS woman. He's like a young Blythe Danner. Branden is 18 with a big beautiful nose -- he tells us that, when he becomes a supermodel, he plans enjoying all of the "ladies."
Jordan, a 21-year old redhead, tells us that, she was surprised to find that the address where she was told to go was not where they would be living. Tyson is standing in the middle of a street under a giant red box that is being held by a crane. Jonathan, a 26-year old Brit, tells us that the girls don't seem as strong as the boys. They have some "work" to do.
Tyson says, "Welcome to New York, Guys!" He has been working on that. Out of thousands, these are the 16 who have made it through. Over the course of 12 "highly competitive weeks," they will see who has what it takes to be made into a supermodel. And, he's not going to be a judge this year. No, Tyson will be "mentoring the gentlemen." The guys seem pleased. And, not for nothing, but the virgin seems happiest. Chris, the androgynous guy, is happy too. He interviews that, in the world of male modeling, Tyson is "the cherry on the sundae." He's a sweet garnish? Like, there's this whole great industry and he's a little perk? You don't make sense, Chris. And, you're so skinny it's making me nervous.
Tyson asks the girls if they're ready to meet their mentor. They're all like, "What does a small candy that can make a two-liter of soda turn into a rocket have to do with anything?" Men-TOR. Oh. I kid. Tyson says that the girls' mentor has been on the cover of Vogue and modeled for luminaries such as Versace and Dior. He points to the red box above the pavement and says that she's there. The sides of the box drop to reveal Nicole Trunfio in a Plexiglas box. She looks good. Everyone oohs and ahs at the spectacle. Gabriel, a Ron Reagan Jr. look-alike, says that Nicole is sexy and the girls could learn something from her. What's with all of the bagging on the girls? They're pretty.
The box is lowered and Nicole makes her way up to the group and she's carrying a small box of her own. There's a tiny mentor in there for some tiny models. "Do I know how to make an entrance or what?" They give the only answer suitable -- applause.
Tyson says that, for their first shoot, they've gone to the edgiest person around. He has worked with Coldplay and Jay-Z. It's Perou. Convenient. Did you know that he's a judge too? He comes out with so much jewelry on his hand that he looks like he's part machine. Karen who is 21 and from Ocean Springs, Mississippi (near my hometown!) thinks Perou is scary. He's wearing a jumpsuit that looks like a prison uniform. He says that they should remember that they are always in the public eye, whether they are working or not. This guy almost seems like a new character of Sacha Baron Cohen's. In order to get them ready for living in the public eye, their first photo assignment will take place in that Plexiglas box where Nicole made her entrance. The goal? "Capturing an intimate moment in public." I'm not sure a good sense of humor is helpful in your quest to be a supermodel, but there are a lot of possibilities buried in the vagueness of that assignment. Yes, I'm thinking of potty humor.
Perou says that he'll need the models to perform for him and his camera in front of all of New York City. They'll be working in pairs. He gives a sinister "ha ha ha," then leaves to finish setting up lights. Tyson is going to draw headshots out of the box that Nicole is holding. The person drawn will choose a partner for the assignment. Branden interviews that "there are so many girls who look so good." He can't wait to choose a partner. That dude is very 18.
Amanda is the first name chosen. She asks the group if anyone wants to work with her. Even potential future supermodels can feel insecure, ya'll. She interviews that she doesn't want to choose a guy for fear that he might think that she "likes" him. Oh Lord. So she chooses Kerryn who can't believe that she has been chosen first and, ridiculous spelling of name notwithstanding, seems like a nice girl. Salome, who is gorgeous, is chosen and picks "this one" beside her. It's Ron Reagan Jr. I'm 70 that I'm making jokes about Ron Reagan Jr. His name is Gabe. Mountaha is chosen . We cut to Sandhurst, who interviews that he wants to work with Mountaha because of her nice energy. Well, what do you know, she chooses Sandhurst. He interviews that they must have been sending magic waves to each other. Laury is and she tells Jonathan that he's stuck with her. Karen is chosen and she chooses "short hair and jacket." It's Shawn and he's standing very close to her. The pointing would have been enough. Jordan is chosen and she chooses CJ. Her rationale? There are only guys left and she wants them all to have to create intimate moments together, because she imagines that it'll be uncomfortable for them. I like Jordan. Ken's photo is picked and he chooses the virgin. That leaves Chris with Branden, who is seriously going to cry. Tyson actually says, "Sorry, Branden." He interviews that, working with Chris, he's a little "worried about the gay problem." You see, Chris is gay and Branden is not. In fact he's "especially not gay." He's not Canadian and he's not gay, but he's especially not gay.
Tyson reminds them that the challenge is to create an intimate moment in public. He adds that they'll be wearing lingerie for the challenge. Branden hangs his head, which is entirely visible and readable to Chris and makes me feel a little bad for him. He's all "Aw fuck!" in his interview. Tyson leads the guys away, while Nicole takes the girls to hair and makeup.
Montage of nakedness. Kerryn (?) says to Salome that she can't believe lingerie is first. Salome comforts her by suggesting that this will make them comfortable for the inevitable naked challenge. Laury says that she's looking forward to the naked challenge, because she looks good naked. Salome tells us that she grew up as a Mennonite, which she describes as "Amish with cars and electricity." She tells us that she is prepared to go "pretty much naked" in order to be a supermodel. The pull of the fashion world is stronger than any cloistered religious community. Resistance is futile!
Ken says that, if the Plexiglas box falls, it will be with him and the virgin inside. Colin replies that they are the "two heaviest dudes," but Colin is a toothpick. Ken is beefy and healthy, but is about twice the weight of any of the guys there. Fatty! CJ tells us that she likes Jordan. And that she's bisexual. She goes further to explain that she finds women sexually attractive. You mean, besides just having sex with them, you also find them attractive? Thanks for clarifying there, CJ.
Tyson preps Sandhurst in the box by asking him if he's had breath mints. Nicole warns Mountaha to not let Sandhurst overpower her in the shot. They are raised in the box above the crowd. Mountaha says that she thinks being from Brazil has helped her, since they are more comfortable with their bodies. Perou screams at them from a megaphone to change poses every time he takes a picture. He tells us that Sandhurst is very good at shapes, while Mountaha is attempting some very interesting shapes. It's harder for her though, because Sandhurst is so good.
Branden, who is having his hair done, asks Tyson if they're gonna make him look gay. "No!" reassures Tyson. They would never put him in a "predicament." He should just listen to Perou's instructions. Salome and Gabe are . Salome is working it. She interviews that her mom would freak out if she saw her now. Well, to be fair, she did name her daughter after a stripper from the Bible. Gabe says that Salome has a killer face, but "until she tones up her body" doesn't think she'll be a major threat. Wow. Salome doesn't really look fat to me. Perou suddenly asks Tyson if Gabe has wood. Tyson laughs and says that it does appear that Gabe has "a little package going." Laughs around, though Gabe doesn't hear them. He could be all, "That's my lip balm." Amanda and Kerryn who are in full on bordello gear, are stunned by the display. After they're done, Perou tells us that it felt voyeuristic photographing them, which was the goal.
Chris says that he's the only model there who androgynous and usually gets double and triple-takes from people. He tells a still freaked Branden that he'll need to loosen up for their shoot. They should just have a good time. Branden tells us that he's very scared because this is his "first gay shoot." Seriously? He says that he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize his place in the competition. Chris interviews that Branden hasn't been exposed to homosexuals. They're pretty bad and Chris seems uncomfortable too, probably because of all of Branden's dramatics. In fact, Branden loosens up and does some pretty cool stuff, but Chris seems stiff the entire time. At least, that's what it looks like. Chris interviews that they made the most of it. Branden's a bit of an idiot, but he is one hot piece, which is a lot to notice in the midst of a show about supermodels. Perou commends Branden for not being gay but pretending to be into a boy who looks like a girl. Don't they have a medal for that on this show? On his way back to earth, while in the box, Branden says, "Can't get more gayer than that!" Yes you can, Branden. And, this is only episode one. The skipping and holding hands challenge is in the near future.
Nicole tells Shawn and Karen not to screw their faces up. They have to be told not to be raunchy too. Also, they are hiding their faces. Perou says they're not getting the point. Colin and Ken look ridiculous. Colin interviews that he's the weakest because he has absolutely no experience modeling. Perou thinks that Ken looks like the Incredible Hulk. He says that he didn't enjoy photographing them at all. "These guys are fucking awful," he says while shooting. Jonathan and Laury are . Before they go up in the box, Jonathan says that he has a wife. Laury laughs and says that she's going to kill her when she sees the pic. He interviews that he has a wife and son. A wife, a son, but zero body fat. Can't have everything! He tells Laury that what they're doing is not romantic, it's work and they've got to win. She interviews that Jonathan is fine. He kind of pulls her hair for a shot and Perou screams that intimate is good, "bestial porn is bad." I don't think he knows what "bestial" means.
Amanda and Kerryn take to the box. Kerryn comments that the guys in the crowd are having their fantasies come true. They have problems with intimacy. Perou says that they look like best friends shopping in their underwear. He found it disappointing. So, I'm hating this Perou. He's a creep. Jordan and CJ are . CJ panics but Jordan pulls it together. She interviews that it was annoying being in the box with someone who couldn't take direction. It looks like she took her direction from Jordan pretty well though. They get approval from Perou and Nicole, especially Jordan.
After the shoot, Tyson tells them that they can go to their apartment. They make their way in and immediately make themselves at home. Branden thinks that it's "so good put together." Oregon, what's the problem? He's practically feral. They find a card from Tyson welcoming them. They have a champagne toast, as models do.
They go around and introduce themselves. Sandhurst tells us that he's originally from Tobago and is a classically trained ballet dancer. He interviews that ballet training is his advantage. Shawn tells us that he has been married to a man for seven years. We see raised eyebrows from both Branden and Colin. He adds that he's never been around so many straight people in his life and jokingly asks them to be nice. Salome gives her Mennonite story. She apparently told her parents that she was leaving a month before she started this show. They think she's going to hell.
The morning, Nicole shows up. She has a bunch of books with her. She hands out the chosen shots for all of the teams. Jordan says that she thinks Sandhurst is a threat. Branden says that he outshined Chris because he showed his "bod." Touché. Seriously though, the boy is hot. Shawn says that he likes his arm, chest, and Karen's legs from their photo. Salome loves her photo. Amanda doesn't like the photo of her and Kerryn. Colin doesn't like his photo and is expecting the worse.
Nicole tells the models that the winner of the photo challenge each week will get to go on a go-see. Cory Bautista from New York Model Management will be calling every week to tell who the winner was and who they will be go seeing. Suddenly, the phone rings. He would like to speak to... Salome! She won the shoot. She says she can't believe "the fat girl won." Her go-see is at Catherine Malandrino. She asks Nicole what to do. She says she has to choose one girl to go with her. Salome says aloud she doesn't want to choose someone who will beat her. Mennonites are apparently so old school that they don't use their heads for holding thoughts -- they just spill out. She chooses CJ and says, ALOUD, that she thinks that she can beat CJ. Everyone is stunned. Amanda says that everyone wants CJ to win after that comment.
They take a cab to the go-see and CJ says she's intimidated because Salome is 6'1" and she's only 5'8", which is pretty tall in normal parlance. They meet Jon James, who is Catherine Malandrino's casting director. He says that he looks for confidence in a walk. The girls try on CM's clothes. Salome says that the clothes were detailed and beautiful. Malandrino's store in the Meatpacking District is pretty awesome. They walk for Jon. He tells CJ that she's a catalog model because she's so short. Salome has the goods, but her walk is contrived. They leave, dejected. Salome says that she is learning that it's hard to be a supermodel.
Back at the apartment, CJ tells some of the models that the go-see was a waste of time. Jordan tells her that she should have gone in with confidence -- this girl knows a lot about how everyone else should be. Salome comes in and tells them that her walk sucks. Jordan interviews that it is "too bad, so sad" that Salome didn't book the job.
Cory Bautista arrives to measure the models. They have to strip down to their underwear or a bathing suit. I want to go to there. Cory says that it's important for him to know how their bodies are doing. Exactly how does one get his job? Colin says that Sandhurst, Jonathan, and Gabe have the best bodies in the house. They make him want to go to the gym right now. I don't even want to finish this weecap. I'm doing Pilates right now.
He starts with Amanda, who is on the really skinny side of healthy. He tells her that she has a "pretty decent" body, especially for just having had a child. What the? She interviews that she has a 10-month-old son. She lost the weight after the first month. That is fucking wild. Models are crazy. He asks CJ if her boobs are natural and is surprised when she says that they are. Because, who would lie in front everyone of like that? He asks Mountaha why her 26-1/2 inch waist is so huge and not skinny and Brazilian. I don't know from women's measurements, but that doesn't seem enormous. She says that she has been working on it... but not for too long. Seriously, if Jonathan even overslept he would die of starvation. NO BODY FAT. Cory tells Salome that she has "ga-dunk-a-dunk." She thinks that her ass makes her special, like J. Lo. Branden's chest is 39 inches, which is a good size. He tells Ken that he's too big. Not too fat! God forbid anyone think he's calling them fat. No, he's saying that he's too muscular. He points out the "cut up" bodies of Gabe, Jonathan, and Sandhurst (a three-part recipe for self-loathing, but for reals) -- he needs to be like that. Ken says that he is a personal trainer and knows how to lose weight, he just doesn't like being 175 pounds. Chris has a 37-inch chest and Cory tells him to gain weight. Wow. Colin has a 36-1/2 inch chest. Oops. He's embarrassed. Cory tells him to work on his pecs... and abs. This boy is skinny. Cory says that he knows this advice is coming from someone shaped like a Teletubby, but stops when it seems like Colin is agreeing with his self-description. Kerryn interviews that Colin's Clark Kent persona is very cute.
Cory wishes them luck at their first catwalk and elimination. Jordan says she's ready for the competition to get started. The day, Tyson tells them that the judges will be judging their walk, turn, and pose during the catwalk competition. The winner will have immunity in the week. The loser will be eliminated. The guys will be wearing clothes "inspired by" Alexander McQueen and Prada. The girls will be wearing clothes "inspired by" Zac Posen and Gianfranco Ferre. Hair and makeup.
The judges convene and watch the runway. Everyone looks pretty good and the clothes are fabulous. Branden's walk is a little weird. He interviews that he's been waiting his "whole life" for this. Shawn's hair is stupid. And he's a touch Zoolander. Chris' walk is pretty wan. He interviews that he was just trying to look confident. I'm kinda rooting for CJ now that she's the short, squat underdog. Ken says that he's an anomaly because he's a fashion model who isn't into fashion. He's far too big for his clothes, though he's very handsome. But, check out that onion! Really nice bootie. Kerryn has a giant hood, but she still works it. Sandhurst walks really fast! Jordan looks amazing. Her pose at the end of the catwalk is that hunched shoulder couture thing. It looks really good. Colin comes out and looks kind of adorable. He interviews that he has never thought of his walk as particularly good-looking, but it has never had to be good-looking before. That's funny.
Afterwards, the models return to the catwalk. He introduces Marlon, Jenny Shimizu, Perou, and Catherine Malandrino. He calls Chris, Jordan, Ken, Salome, Colin, and Sandhurst. Everyone else is safe. They leave the catwalk. The models who remain are the best and the worst.
Marlon says that Chris needs confidence. Perou thinks that he lacks vitality. He replies without vitality. They ask Sandhurst what he's thinking when he walks. He says that he tries to be masculine, graceful, and confident. Perou says that Colin's walk resembled a dog in a car. Catherine tells him that he has a poetic side -- he's a dreamer. She thinks he should try for "effortless." They don't like Ken. Catherine thinks he has no charm. Marlon asks him if he has anything to say. "No, I do not." Bye, Ken. They love Jordan. Salome too, though Catherine wonders if the dress is doing most of the work.
Marlon asks Tyson if he has anything to say for the guys. He says that he thinks Colin has potential. The judges deliberate. Perou starts by deliberating on "Christine/Chris." I'm starting to find his machismo annoying. You're British, dude, you got no room to talk. Yeah, I said it. They think that Colin took criticism well. Perou still thinks that Ken is the Hulk. Jenny and I are on the same page though -- she likes Ken's ass. Jenny says that Jordan looked more beautiful the longer that she looked at her. They find Salome a bit smug. Perou says that Sandhurst was his second choice for winner of the photo competition.
The judges return to the catwalk. Tyson reads the results. Salome is safe. The winner of the catwalk is... Jordan! She's thrilled. She interviews that everyone needs to watch out for her. Especially in that dress. She could take out a class of kindergartners in that thing. Sandhurst, of course, is safe. Colin, who looks incredibly nervous, is safe. The girls backstage are thrilled that he's still around. Tyson picks up a portfolio and walks to Ken and Chris. He tells Ken that, though classic in looks, his walk was stiff. Chris is different, but the judges wonder if he has versatility. "Ken, here is your book. I'm sorry, we cannot make you a supermodel." Chris wanly thanks everyone and leaves. Ken says that he has no regrets. This season may turn out to be a perfect confection!
Jeff Long will be cut up just like Jonathan, Sandhurst, and Gabe by season's end. He promises. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com