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The fourteen finalists arrive in freezing New York and are welcomed by Niki and Tyson, who send them straight to a photo shoot in the middle of Times Square. "We're selling sex, fantasy and drama," the photographer tells them, and they go into makeup and put on flimsy clothes and stand out in the frigid weather trying to look...sexy and fantastical. Ben, our favorite prison guard, wears hot-pink pants, a shiny silver jacket, and a pink scarf. So awesome. Some of them are so cold, their knees are actually knocking. Everybody does pretty well. Later, the models move into the place they'll be living -- a gorgeous twenty million dollar house they will no doubt soon wreck just like every other expensive dwelling reality-show people have wrecked in the past. Tyson personally awakens them the morning at 7 AM for a go-see. Except that first, Tyson makes them burn their clothes in a trash can. Something about being ready for a new start, and shucking their material possessions? And the ones that "want it most" are the ones that burn the most stuff? I don't know, it's ridiculous, and some of the guys are so desperate to win that they strip down to their underwear and burn everything on their backs. Which turns out to be convenient, since their stop is a visit to Corey, the president of New York Models, who makes them change into brightly-colored underwear and have their bodies criticized. He particularly rips on Holly's hair, which breaks my heart. The morning, they all must don unitards and have their walking fundamentals checked out. We find out that before he got to New York, Perry hurt his foot pretty badly and is working through the pain. He ends up having to go to the hospital about it, and comes back on crutches. His foot is jacked, but he is determined not to let it stop him. The day, the contestants will walk in their first runway show, wearing swimwear. But there's a catch! Two girls and two boys will have to wear THONG swimwear -- Ben and Casey and Jacki and Shannon have their names drawn for that humiliation. Jacki breaks down in tears over it, but come on -- Casey has to get his butt shaved. Suck it up, girl. They all look smoking hot, but Jacki ends up not wearing the thong and gets a stern lecture from Tyson. The panel must choose three for the online vote, and Sarah, Katy and Dominic get put on the chopping block. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Niki reminds us in clear, slow tones -- so that we will be able to absorb this complicated backstory -- that the show's producers criss-crossed the nation to find these fourteen aspiring supermodels. In the online vote that closed last week's show, the nation chose Ben, the Nashville prison guard, and my sweet Katy from the Heart of Dixie. This week, joining Niki in the decisionmaking is the world's greatest male supermodel, Tyson Beckford; Cory Bautista from New York Models; and Jennifer Starr, big-cheese model casting director.
So, the kids arrive in NYC, looking fly in their winter gear and blessedly unable to hear the voiceover quotes being played on my screen, such as this gem from Perry: "If you're gonna be a star, you're gonna be a frickin' star. You know? You just gotta keep pluggin' away at it." If this modeling thing doesn't work out for Perry, he can maybe send that gem in to Reader's Digest's "notable quotes" and make a cool $50.
So, here they are in the middle of Times Square, enraging the already-angry-enough citizens of New York, standing around freezing their asses off. Tyson says he wants them to be willing to pay attention and learn, and Niki adds that they'll be stripping them down and seeing what they're made of. "The competition starts right now," she says, adding that they'll be going straight to work with their first photo shoot like, right now. With no further ado, she brings up Lee Strickland, famed photographer, fumbling a little over his credentials, possibly because her brain stem has frozen to her spine. Lee -- who is English and thus likely slept every night of his childhood in a bassinet sculpted from ice -- says he knows that it's cold, but the models need to be ready to sell sex, fantasy, and drama as they model their summer clothes.
In an interview he gives while wearing a metallic silver jacket accented with a bright pink scarf, Ben says he's ready for whatever happens. Surely he wasn't ready for that scarf. In any case, no way is he as ready as Dominic, who pompously drones on that he can handle everything since he's, like, ridden ten-foot waves and snowboarded and stuff. Y'all. Ten-foot waves. He says the main intimidation to him right now is the cold weather. Moments later, we see him on the platform, trying to pose, and...yeah, he must be cold, because he's moving like an actual robot. The photographer keeps trying to tell him to relax, but he can't seem to do it, and Lee says he seems to be trying too hard.
up is Ben, who says in an interview that people don't really see jail guards as people who help other people. Contrary to popular belief, he says, guards don't beat up on inmates: "They usually beat up on each other." The man is wearing hot pink skinny pants. God help him if he tries to go back to his old job after this. He really does have a striking face, and he concentrates very hard on the job. "You know," he says, "I've never really done anything before, so I'm just going to do what he tells me." He's shy, but confident, and I sort of love him. Lee says he's good, but his military haircut makes him not very versatile.
Katy arrives, wearing a navy dress with pink tights. She is such a pretty girl, but...sometimes I see a glance of the whole supermodel thing, but mostly I just see a very attractive girl with a very nice body. In the '80s, she probably would have been a supermodel, sure. Now, though I can see her easily rocking the cover of Self, I am not yet seeing the high-fashion potential as it is currently trending. By the way, I get all my expert style knowledge from Vogue, so you know, I can read, but I may not know what I'm saying. Lee sees her lack of sleeves and feels horribly for her in the cold. "You're gonna die up there, sweetheart," he says, and Katy initially has a hard time, but gives it a good try.
Lee decides to take it down a notch with Perry, and has him sit on the edge of the stage, where he can work his best Blue Steel at the camera. Lee says that he can see the girls will love Perry, and says he can imagine Perry in an aftershave ad. I think he then says something about Armani? Or, money? I can't decipher it, but it doesn't matter, because I am laughing too hard imagining Perry hawking aftershave. Perry's freezing to death, but he's trying, and Lee gets some good close-up shots of his K-Fedexcellence. He does a bit more Zoolander in the back, saying that if he could improve on anything, it would be to try to be more good-looking, "if that's possible." I promise it is.
The hair people have committed the ultimate atrocity and tied back FRANKIE's hair. I smell a conspiracy! They know it holds his unstoppable power and they are working against him! He seems a little stiff, too, and from the sidelines, Tyson implores FRANKIE to be himself. What, you mean, be gorgeous and achingly self-absorbed? Check and check. FRANKIE says in an interview that he knows he can win this thing, but Lee isn't terribly impressed, saying that FRANKIE's very enthusiastic, but needs work. FRANKIE doesn't seem to think so, as he chills back in the makeup tent, congratulating himself for his fine-ness. Shit, maybe he's too fine? Because Lee thinks he's effeminate. Lee: you only get that vibe because he's so hot, you wish he was a woman so that you could more easily objectify him.
Stephanie reminds us in an interview that she's a feminist, and an intellectual. I take issue, as no smart woman would ever walk around in freezing weather wearing a halter dress and knocking her knees together. Tyson thinks she looks amazing, and Lee agrees, saying she's his favorite so far. I'm not seeing it. Stephanie, however, has now tasted the glamorous life in her purple tights and doesn't want to go home, ever. "Does anyone have any boob tape?" someone asks off-camera, and it is the most interesting thing that's happened in eight minutes.
Cute, cute Ronnie, now with significantly less tan, says that everyone poses a threat, and he knows the game is now on. And who's on her best game? Shannon, who makes some cringe-inducing remarks about how she has always been creative and came out of the womb loving art. Sigh. Anyway. She's up and absolutely kills it. "That's like, a lot of woman right there, huh?" Tyson says to Lee. "She got legs for daaaaays." It's quite true. The camera catches her from underneath and she looks as tall as a skyscraper. "When I come back as a woman," Tyson says, "I want legs like that." May I say, coming from a race of giants myself and clocking in at six feet, I appreciate the celebration of tallness. Not so great when I was thirteen; awesome now.
Jacki interviews that she is currently working for the Marriott, and then proceeds to say that she's fine with it, but couldn't possibly do it forever, much less for the two years. Hope your boss isn't watching, Jacki, damn. They've given her a rather glam dress, and she works it well. I mean, as well as a scarecrow wearing a dress in Times Square can work it. What? Even Lee says she's too thin. "Bony," he calls her, and while I agree, it also just makes me want to throw the remote because, dang, do they want them to be skinny, or not?
Sarah -- who has melded with Stephanie into a single blonde entity in my mind -- is up . She is amazed that Tyson is all helping out on the sidelines, holding coats and stuff. Lee finds her very sweet, but too girl--door. Yeah. She would make a great addition to the cast of One Tree Hill, though. And I'm sure Chad Michael Murray is feeling lonely, so if she moves quick enough, maybe she can marry him. That being said, when they show her final shot really quickly, I must say she is giving great face.
Ronnie rolls up, looking like something out of the background of a Debbie Gibson video, complete with pink shirt, socks and white sunglasses. Sigh.... Lee likes his smile. "I'm a little nervous," says Ronnie, "but I'm using that nervous energy to be on top of my game." This is why I could never been on TV -- because I would say something like how I was coming out of the womb being on top of my game, and then I would die of shame.
As she waits her turn, Aryn says she is still spinning from this opportunity. Possibly, she is also spinning from her orange ruffle shirt and pink hot pants, but who's to say? Lee says nothing about her. Hmm.
Holly is up , with her cute hair and pink leotard. Leotard, for real. Holly is not only very attractive, she is prepared with Hot Hands pocket warmers. She generously lets Lee borrow them, and heads up to the platform, while we hear her drawling that this is her dream. She has been trying to model since she was thirteen, going so far as to quit college. Oh, girl. Well, I think she can win, seriously. I like her, and her pictures look great.
Casey says that he plans to try his hardest and never turn his back on anyone, because everyone is a threat. Dude, what's a threat is that insane hat you're wearing all cocked to the side like you're about to march off into the Battle of Vicksburg playing the flute. Casey is so young, and it SO shows. He takes his jacket off early, telling Tyson he has his state of mind already down, and goes up on the platform to work it. He works it way too hard, but you know, he looks great. One of the producers looks at his shots and says something about munching on him? I can't blame the guy. Casey says that since they didn't change poses too much, he gave Lee as much "sex in the eyes" as he could. Heee.
Jay's , unfortunately attired in a purple visor that makes him look nothing short of Taco Bell night manager. Jay says that all he wants to do in the world is tell his mama she doesn't have to work anymore, "'cause she been workin' all her life." I love Jay, man. And Jay loves Tyson -- apparently enough to put posters of him up on his walls growing up. Lee says that Jay is not the most natural of models, and so he found him to be one of the hardest to work with.
Finally, it's over. Tyson is amazed at how well the contestants did. Lee says that the one who stood out the most was Stephanie (yawn), and that the ones who really did not do much for him were Katy (uh!), and FRANKIE (what?!) "But, who knows?" he adds. "It's their first shoot."
And now, the big reveal: the house! The models are taken, by limo, to their new digs. No claustrophobic model apartment with five girls sleeping on futons -- no. Rather, they'll be living in a $20 million town home, fully decked out from top to bottom. Of course, they all run around wildly. "When I walked in here," says Perry, "I thought: 'this is how I want to live.'" An amazing revelation, to be sure, since most of us would prefer to live in squalor. "I wanted to piss my pants," says Robbie, amazed at the place. He says that he and Ben had already made plans to run in and find their beds...together...in the same room. BEN, PLEASE DO NOT SLEEP WITH THE PRETTY, PRETTY GAY MAN. Oh, Ben. You're never going back to Nashville, are you? Ben says that he's not used to living like this -- he's accustomed to being at home, in one bed, with his wife, not in a twin bed with another guy in the room. When Ronnie breaks his heart, dumping him to go back with the porn star, I hope Ben is okay and can find consolation back at the prison.
The house has a weight room and everything and a big kitchen and they all gather around and raise their orange juice colonics to Casey, who says he's happy to be there, even though he'll be sad when everyone but him gets sent home.
Speaking of ridiculous: Tyson wakes them up the morning at 7 AM for a go-see, and here is where this show, which I had been enjoying for its (slightly boring) relative normalcy, goes right off the rails. Instead of a go-see, Tyson takes them first to some kind of industrial, waterside area. It's under and between two bridges -- I'm sorry, I don't know New York very well -- and looks exactly like a place homeless people go to die. This is especially highlighted by the burning trash barrel Tyson is standing to. He explains that, because they are all starting a new phase in their lives as models, this is their chance to shed their pasts to be ready to take on new personas. He pretty much wants them to burn their clothes. "I want you to take something off and throw it in the fire," he says. Oh, no. No, no. We don't burn clothes, Bravo. We don't take the clothes off people's backs in freezing weather, in a city full of people who don't have enough clothes, on a program that is all about wearing clothing, and burn them in a trash can. You can talk about being released from your past all you want, but try watching your house burn and see how free you feel. In the immortal words of some hair band I can't think of right now, "you don't know what you got, 'til it's gaaawww-aw-awwwn." The only one talking any sense is Stephanie, who says she gets the thing about letting go of your material possessions, but that she's wearing a bunch of stuff that belongs to her mother, and she's not doing it. The boys, however, get serious and competitive about it, especially since Tyson is goading them on, saying that whoever wants it most will burn the most stuff. Casey acts downright smug about burning his entire ensemble, which is cute, and I can see the pain in Holly's eyes as she prepares to burn the awesome red shirt that she probably made or bought in a thrift store. I'd also like to point out that Ben is wearing long johns, which is the cutest.
Wow, I really hated this little section. Really hated it. Ronnie almost cries as he takes off his suit and throws it in the fire. "I'm not looking for Wall Street guys on this show," says Tyson, proceeding to cheer Casey as he strips all the way to his underwear. Ben and Ronnie follow. Ben even burns the long johns! Tyson says that he'll have a conversation with Niki later to tell her which ones of them wanted it more. Shut up, Tyson. I love how some of them are still standing there fully clothed, looking like, "Uh, my Mama bought me this, and I ain't burning it." Smart children. "The smell in the air right now," says Ronnie, shirtless in the freezing weather, "is the smell of an amazing suit I wore here today." He laughs painfully as he says it's now no more than a memory.
Now something weird happens because, while I watched the show the original night it aired, I am recapping it from the rebroadcast, and they've cut out an entire section from what I originally saw. Where, oh where, is the colorful underwear? I return now to my original recording, where Tyson's head gleams like the night star, as the half-naked contestants arrive, conveniently dressed-down now since they just burned their worldly possessions and are made to put on briefs of every rainbow hue in order to have their bodies critiqued by Niki, Cory, and Tyson. We see now that FRANKIE is also wearing long johns. Hilarious. Well, the child is from Miami! He lies around on the beach all day! It is cold in New York! As I watch back over this now, I see why they cut it out of the rebroadcast -- it's boring. They take measurements and comment on how they've either gained weight or lost it since they saw the contestants last. Ronnie gets busted for shaving his chest, and Cory takes particular pains to hate on Holly's hair, saying that, in New York City, that haircut is not going to fly. I am really surprised by that, honestly, because I consider it a very hipster, pageboy, edgy haircut. I think it's cool, and I don't get his dislike of it. This is not Baywatch they're trying out for -- girl's trying to stand out, and she's doing it. Her haircut frames her beautiful face perfectly.
Cory notices that Ben has lost a lot of weight; indeed, Ben says that he's lost twenty pounds. FRANKIE steps up and is stunning and, again, why don't they just give it to him now? Cory says some crap about how being over-confident can hurt you, or something, but whatever. More fawning over Jacki takes place, but even their favorite is not totally spared the rod. They tell her to hide her ears as much as she can on future go-sees. Harsh, but not as harsh as they are to Jay, who Cory says has "chicken legs," or to Sarah, who he all but says has a freakishly long torso. Seeing her embarrassment, Niki sweetly says that they'll walk her through all the tricks of how to hide her hideous flaws. My favorite part is when they call Katy up and tell her her boobs are too big. Her 32B boobs. Now, I know, I know, but to me, Katy has a gorgeous body. Why can't he suggest she try for another type of modeling -- more commercial, maybe? Then she ruins it by saying, in a voiceover, that she hopes they don't cut her because she's not flat-chested, because "that's not fair." Spoken like a true twenty-year-old. Cory tells them all that they'll be measuring them on a weekly basis, and they all silently swear never to eat again.
Drained from their long day burning their valuables and being insulted, the kids get excited when Niki shows up at the house to invite them to a GQ party at which the style editor wants to meet them all. The catch is, they only have twenty minutes to get ready! Oh my God, can they do it?! Um, I guess they can, because the thing we see is all of them at the party, dolled up to the nines, mingling. Jacki says that she's great at talking to people, so she just wants to talk to as many as possible. The magazine people, however, seem very impressed with Holly, who has just enough quirkiness to make her interesting. There seems to be a lot of alcohol around, and it makes me wonder if the producers were hoping somebody would get sauced and go nuts up in the party...but, no. These kids seem to savvy for that, or something -- not savvy to the modeling world, or to the uh, actual world, but savvy to the reality television world.
Back at the house, the guys are so tired they...all fall into a heap on top of FRANKIE. Hmm. Perry charms me by challenging Casey to a pose-off on the second-floor landing, and they stand back to back, dueling-style, and take two steps and pose. Both of them fall to the ground, slaying Jacki and Shannon, and it's genuinely very cute and funny. Don't make me like Perry! Come on!
The morning dawns bright and early. "I had a dream I was on this Make Me A Supermodel thing," groans Perry from his bed, "and America didn't like me." That is because they had not yet seen you dominate in the pose-off!
The contestants arrive later at a studio to visit with Jennifer Starr, who Tyson calls the premiere model casting director in the U.S. Jennifer, in turn, introduces Debbie Deitering, who is apparently a high-fashion celebrity and has walked for every top designer out there, including Galliano, for whom she was a muse. Debbie is really good at walking. "I know that this week you have been working on going back to the basics," Debbie says. "The basics are very important, especially your basic walk." First of all -- back to the basics? Aren't they at the basics? Secondly, whenever they get really detailed about the walking, I can't stop laughing. Anyway, Debbie says that, to judge their walks, she really needs to look at their bodies, and so they must all don unitards and take to the runway. You would think, since I just said "unitard," that hilarity would ensue. But it doesn't, because they're all too busy thinking about walking. Ronnie makes a unitarded joke about having his pecs, Madonna and Cher, ready to go. "I always keep the girls with me," he says, and I throw up.
Tyson shows up to give the models a quick run-through on how to walk. "It's confidence," says Debbie, as Tyson does the stroll. "That's all that really matters." It probably helps if you look like Tyson, though. They all start walking, and Jay again looks really stiff. "Aw, come on," Tyson yells. "I know, in the ATL, you don't walk like that!" Busted. Debbie says that there's something she really likes about Holly. She's a diamond in the rough. Agreed. Sarah, she says, would be more at home on a shampoo commercial. Is that a total burn in the modeling universe? Probably. Debbie says that Katy is just not memorable or exciting. She kind of giggles when she says it, which fills me with hate. Shannon, meanwhile, has potential, but because she's so tall and so long-torsoed, her walk is a little strange. Jacki, for whatever reason, they love. Again, she's beautiful, but either they're intentionally not showing whatever it is that makes her so great, or I'm just dumb. Debbie says that she has the fundamentals down.
When all the models walked in that day, says Jennifer, she noticed Casey right away. But when he got on the runway... "I couldn't believe it," she says. "I thought he was actually...joking." With that, she and Debbie break down in guffaws, like teenaged girls. Truth be told, he is trying way too hard and looks a fool.
To the side, Tyson talks to Perry, who has some physical problems going on. Back home, he was trying to stay in shape playing basketball, and rolled his ankle. It looks messed up, and is still sore, but he's determined to tough it out. Now, I don't always believe in playing hurt, and I do know that leaving something like that without taking care of it can mess you up, but Perry seems cool about it. I am reminded of the bullshit one might see on other modeling shows where some girl gets a headache and just can't bring herself to put on the giant lobster claws and hang from a building that day.
Back at the house, the kids find portfolios for each of them with the photos from their first day with Lee Strickland. They are all really excited about their photos. "I was amazed, astonished," says Jay. "Is that me?!" Holly loves hers, and FRANKIE declares himself the obvious winner. Poor Aryn decides somehow that her shot makes her look "bigger," and breaks down in tears. I think she's most upset because of the way her legs are crossed in the photos, making her hot pants bunch in a, let's call it, unattractive fashion. She's just disappointed in herself, she says, and really, she's being pitiful, because the picture is fine.
Perry announces, to almost zero reaction from his housemates, that he's on his way out to the hospital to get his foot checked. In the car, he says he just wants his foot to be okay so that he can move himself forward in the competition. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, FRANKIE dogs Perry out. "For my sake," he says, "I hope that he doesn't get better. That's really grimy, but hey, this is a competition, you know? The more out that's not me, the better for me, you know?" Yeah, we know. Stop talking, pretty boy. It is, indeed, grimy.
Also grimy, Perry's cast. Yep, he gets back to the house, having learned that his foot is broken. His foot is wrapped and booted, and he says that, regardless, he's not going home early. He'll just take it off on the catwalk and not let it slow him down at all. "I worked two jobs to get out here," he says. "I'm not gonna let a foot problem send me back, because I don't know if I'm gonna get a chance like this again." You're a true hero, Perry.
The day, the models arrive...somewhere...for their first big catwalk show. Niki tells them that it will be very important, because at the end of the day, three of them will be put up for America's vote. And now she must introduce someone, she says, to come out and show them what they'll be wearing. And, voila, it's Tyson! In a robe, and not much else! He drops it to reveal some tiny bathing trunks, and I pause for a slow clap. So, they'll be modeling swimwear -- bringing out the big guns first, I see. Good for you, show. The kids look nervous enough about it, but get even more jittery when Tyson reveals that two brave guys, and two brave girls will have to wear thong swimwear. I don't know why this is a big deal to people with perfect bodies who just stood around in underwear and unitards, but apparently it is. Names get drawn for this honor, and it's Ben and Casey for the men. "My family and my wife, they're gonna laugh," says Ben, grinning. "Especially my fellow officers. I think they'll have a field day with it." Aw. You know screenshots of Ben's ass are on every wall of the Nashville prison now. If they weren't already, I'm saying. On the ladies' side, it's Jacki and Shannon. Pardon the interruption, but every time I type Jacki and Shannon's names together, do you think of Jackie DeShannon? I do.
The stylists, whose names I cannot catch but who are probably very important bathing suit/jewelry stylist people, come out and get started. Jacki is freaking out about the thong. I honestly do NOT get it, but she feels like it would be wrong to wear it, and her eyes are filled with tears. Meanwhile, under the watchful and amused eye of FRANKIE, Casey is subjected to ass-shaving. "It's not very tasteful to me," says Jacki. "I don't think I want to wear it." But see, the thing is, isn't it true that a model's opinion of the clothes doesn't really come into play backstage at a fashion show? Don't you just have to whip off your clothes and wear whatever they put on you? What is the problem? I mean, I would never wear one, but I am not in a supermodel contest.
Oh, but it IS a problem, apparently. Jacki quizzes the rest of the models, including Stephanie, who says that she would never wear a thong, either. The boys try to make her feel better by telling her that she'll look good in it, but apparently that's not the point? Now she's crying because this is her dream and it may not come true because she won't wear a thong. Well...yeah. That's exactly what is happening. She says that she can't even find another girl who would wear it, but au contraire. Shannon, who also has to wear one, doesn't care at all. "It's just part of modeling," she says. "You should be comfortable with showing your body in any way, shape or form."
The walking begins. At the end of the catwalk are Tyson, Niki, Cory, and Jennifer, with their judge faces on. I must say that Aryn looks quite good to me, as does Holly. Katy looks scared to death, and the camera has no shame about lingering on her less-than-rock-hard thighs. Shannon works the thong like it's going out of style (which, please, let that be true), but when Jacki comes out, even though we hear in a voiceover that she's making the most of her bathing suit, she ain't wearing the thong. Tyson and Niki look at each other like a bomb just hit the building. Perry triumphs over his broken foot, working off the adrenaline. Yeah, I'm just telling you what he said. Ronnie, meanwhile, makes the most of his studly body, and really rocks it out. In fact, he says, he "rocked out with his cock out." WHOA. You can say "cock" on Bravo? Awesome. Someone inform Tim Gunn immediately and set his gutter mouth free!
Casey and Dominic look kind of stiff to me, though Casey admirably wears the thong with no issues. Dominic says some dumb stuff about how he's a DJ, so the music really got him going, but his walk, frankly, is a snoozer. FRANKIE, of course, works it to within an inch of his life.
The judges, frankly, are fairly impressed. "Strangé! Strangé, Strangé, Strangé!" Tyson says, killing me, but maybe not realizing that the film he's quoting came out when some of these people were toddlers. They bring all fourteen of the contestants out to answer a few questions before critiquing begins. Cory bashes Sarah for having a long torso (and seriously, she does have a long one), and quickly moves on to Katy, who he fixes with a pitying eye. "Katy, you're really going to have to work on your legs," he says in that tone reserved for someone you're about to fire. "If it were show season right now, I couldn't send you out the way you...are." Ugh. Jennifer twists the knife, asking Katy if she wouldn't just rather go work in an industry where people accepted her for being the way she...is. Seriously, it's offensive the way their saying it: she needs to tone up her legs, the end. Katy says that she's willing to do whatever it takes, and that she's not ready to go home. Niki asks Ben how he felt wearing a thong in his first trip down the runway. Tyson jokes that Ben is giving him too much prison guard. "I got locked up," he says, "for some, uh, miscellaneous, frivolous thing..." and, he says, Ben reminds him of the guard who came to let him out on bail. Aw. Ben reminds ME of a very cute guy who hasn't eaten any food in a long time because, damn, his face is withering away.
They drag this judging process out interminably, but the greatest part is when they explain to Jacki how fired she would have been for refusing to wear what they gave her. "It wouldn't have flown," says Cory, "at any time, with any designer." They ask Shannon how she was so comfortable wearing the thong, and she says thought it would be fun, and the way she figures, their asses are already hanging out anyway, so why not? Awesome. They ask her who she sees as her biggest competition, and she very kindly says Jacki, because "she gives it her all." Except, no Jacki doesn't, because she cries and won't put a bathing suit on her flawless body which she is in competition to sell in the first place. Tyson asks Shannon if she's ready to push Jacki off the runway to win this thing, and Shannon laughs and says she is. Watch your back, Jacki.
They move on to Perry, to congratulate him for his heroism in walking with a broken foot. "That man walked circles around all of you," says Tyson, fully serious and totally dramatic, and I almost die.
The panel is thrilled with Holly's work on the catwalk today. Each of them compliments her, and Jennifer asks who she thinks is her biggest competition. "Determination-wise," she drawls, "Jacki, 'cuz she's very determined." And, she says, she thinks Shannon is also a threat, since she looks so high-fashion, and that's what Holly wants to do.
The judges are not, however, so thrilled with Dominic, who they say was stiff. He says -- and he actually says this, I am not making it up -- that his necklace was too heavy and made his back "ache," so he had trouble staying loose. Somehow, the panel holds it together and does not break down in tears laughing, and Tyson kindly tells him to tough it out.
The contestants are all sent back to the dressing room so that the panel can pick which three are going up for the vote. They go through the contestants. Katy is determined, and they admire that, but she's girlfriend-cute. Casey can't walk, but he looks great, and they can fix him. "[Holly is] a beautiful girl," says Cory, "but that hair! That's a hair NOT!" Seriously, I don't get it at all. Her hair is super-cool and distinctive; to me, it loudly says high fashion. I have to wonder if Cory isn't being cast as the hair-hater here, and that they naturally love Holly so much they're having to make up things to dislike about her. They love Shannon's photo from the freezing photo shoot, and they're impressed with the way she listens to instruction and adapts, especially in her crazy walk. They are not feeling Sarah. "Maybe commercials," says Tyson. "She's not ugly, don't get me wrong. She's not ugly." Nice. They, of course, love Jacki, though everyone is disappointed in her thong-refusal. "I don't get that very often," Jennifer says. "I don't think I've ever gotten that." Exactly. Tyson says again that she would be fired.
Niki doesn't like Dominic's photo at all, and I can't blame her -- he looks frozen, like a dude-sicle. Cory, inexplicably, likes it, but Jennifer doesn't get the supermodel vibe from Dominic.
Niki says they've made some sort of decision: "We know who's safe." They bring out a random assortment of seven from the group -- saying that they're the ones to come out because they did the best and the worst, which is confusing, because those words mean opposite things, Niki -- and begin excusing the besties. Holly is safe because she did the best across the board. Perry impressed them all with his broken foot, but he did awesome in the photo and the runway, and is safe. Shannon is safe because, basically, she's bad-ass.
Now it's time for the busting. Left on the catwalk are Sarah, Katy, Jacki, and Dominic. Sarah, Tyson says, is just not breaking through. She seems surprised to hear this, and my heart breaks for her a little. Tyson says that Katy is not setting their world on fire right now, and that she needs to be able to do that as a model. He once again expresses the panel's disappointment in Jacki for not baring her ass, tsking heavily, and adds that Dominic's attitude and performance are as stiff as his surfboards. For whatever reason, they've decided that Jacki is safe from the online vote, leaving Dominic, Katy, and Sarah to face the American public. They all look devastated.
Backstage, Jacki expresses her relief at being safe, while Katy tries to keep from crying. "Tyson says, 'Don't take it to the heart, take it to the gym,'" she sighs. "So, I'm gonna take it to the gym."
week: Tyson looks sexy! Niki is pretty! Perry's foot! People wear clothes! The vote!