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By Al Lowe

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Ha ha! We are almost done with this endless spectacle of beautiful, annoying people. Only, they won't just tell us the winner right off, no, they must drag it out for one more hour. Though America has already voted for their supermodel of choice, that person won't be revealed until one final assignment is completed. The contestants are sent to spend a day at New York Models, learning what a working model's day is really like, doing go-sees and castings. Naturally, shenanigans ensue as everyone gets lost in New York. They visit big clients like People's Revolution, beeson, and Esprit. All of them do pretty well, though each of their weaknesses are highlighted in different situations. Every model has good experiences. The day they are all introduced to Jessica Stam, the face of Dior, causing Holly to promptly flip her lid. She is Jessica's biggest fan, and very cutely fangirls out. She gives them good advice about how to survive as working models. They go to the offices of GQ where they get styled and have Polaroids shot. They like Perry the most, minus the hair and in the right clothes. That night, they're all surprised by the arrival of various surprise guests. Ben's poor wife immediately cries when she sees him, and he... reacts to her like she's just some girl he knows. After three months, all he can say to her is "wazzup?!" His roommates linger around like nervous wraiths, freaked out by the tension. Ronnie's mom arrives, which is cute, and Holly's hot fiancé appears, bearing the gift of... ceramics? Perry nervously awaits his unknown visitor, afraid it might end up being Amanda, and to no one's surprise, it is. Their reunion is fraught with as much drama and emotion as possible, while Ben's and his wife's is mostly awkward. Meanwhile, Ronnie's mom is just about the sweetest thing in the world. Somehow, seeing all their loved ones makes the final four models love each other. They reflect on the time they've spent in the house like they've been in Nam together. Back to their old stomping grounds, the models get to do one last catwalk, just for the hell of it. The panel members give them all an emotional round of kudos for their progress and transformations before dragging us brutally through ten minutes of agonizing torture (and Top Chef commercials) and finally announcing Holly as the winner. (YAY!) Want more? The full recap starts right below!

"I just want to be a part of it," she says. She hasn't enjoyed being on the sidelines while he tries to live his dream. Seriously, it is anguish to watch them talking. It's like he is so afraid to have a real conversation in front of the camera. I believe he really loves her, but the editing here is doing him absolutely no favors. He looks like he's pretty much moved on from her, completely. As much as I've soured on him, I just can't believe he's brushing off his marriage.

Downstairs, Ronnie has sort of a drunken conversation with his mom, who can't stop crying. Ronnie cries, I cry, everybody cries. "I've always been second best," she says. "That's why you're going to be number one." Tears. Even my heart of ice is going to melt for a crying mom.

Perry and Amanda...make out under the bedcovers and declare their undying love for each other. Whatever, they are hot and it can't be denied.

Finally, all the guests leave, thank God, amid tears and hugs. "I love you so much," Ben says to his wife, and I do believe him. The real point is that it's none of my business whether he loves her or not -- but I am glad to see that little snippet of emotion there, just on behalf of all wives, everywhere.

"Love conquers everything," Perry says, all dramatically, when everyone leaves. "I feel like this is the biggest test that any relationship could ever go through." Yes, well, once again, I have to point out that such logic can only be employed by someone to whom nothing has ever actually happened. Separation is hard, but this has barely been a pop quiz, much less a test.

Holly says that she's so stressed, she feels like she's 90-years-old. "Oh, my God," Ronnie says, rubbing his face. "After we get out of here, we're all gonna look so much better." Perry dramatically says that you know, everything is okay with Amanda and dudes, they are the final four in the entire country. Much celebration and group hugs go on to congratulate themselves on making it this far. Suddenly, everyone loves each other, and suddenly I sort of love them all, too. I mean, I love Holly the most, let's not get crazy, but maybe these boys aren't so bad...

Okay, never mind. They suck. In the morning, Ronnie asks Ben how he felt about last night. Ben says he doesn't know what he had been expecting, "but, it definitely wasn't that." Just say "it was so great to see my wife, who I love." JUST SAY IT and SHUT UP. I hate it that he seems to be completely dissing her -- maybe it's editing, I don't know, but it gives me the grossest vibe. He and Ronnie all emotionally talk about the three months they've spent together like they've been in 'Nam the whole time, rather than in a $20 million house.