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Joyce brings a friend, "Caroline," in to see Peggy, as she just got canned from her job as a model for an ad campaign for Topaz pantyhose and is looking for work. Harry, after grossly hitting on Caroline for a while, gets Ken to call over to the agency handling the campaign, which results in them hiring SCDP to pick up the pieces. Ken and Peggy go in for an emergency meeting, and Peggy wows the Topaz guys with her ideas and lands the account, which is SCDP's first new business since Lucky Strike left.
Speaking of which, the meeting with the American Cancer Society is imminent, and Don is nervous as hell, but Faye suggests that his anxiety might have something to do with the secrets he's been living with, and urges him to confront his past. In the meeting, the ACS board expresses their belief that lung cancer is avoidable with the right campaign behind it. Don, however, tells them that tobacco is in the business of getting new smokers, i.e. teenagers, and pitches the idea of linking cigarettes to mortality in a teen-specific way. The board, a bunch of bigwigs as mentioned last week, is impressed, none more so than the CEO of Dow Chemical, who just happens to be well acquainted with Ken's father-in-law-to-be, who's at Corning. Ken, however, is too worried about jeopardizing his relationship with Cynthia to exploit that connection, and… then that storyline is basically dropped. Well, cancer can wait, I guess.
Joan gets a promotion to Head of Agency Operations, although there's no money for a salary increase and in fact she's having to deliver the mail on account of SCDP's newly skeletal staff. Sure, force the pregnant lady to push a mail cart around. And oh, I'm not making a joke -- JOAN IS REALLY PREGNANT, as many of us suspected.
Don is taking the kids to Disneyland in spite of the fact that the Francises are indeed moving. However, Glen comes by to say goodbye to Sally while Betty is out, and on his way to the exit, Betty returns and catches him, and when Carla takes the blame for the visit, Betty fires her, although not without coming reaaaaal close to a Carla-style smackdown, and don't think we all wouldn't have loved to see that. Betty then has to tell Don that Carla can't come on the trip, a real problem since she was supposed to watch the kids while he took business meetings, so Don gets the idea to bring Megan along in her stead, which seems insane on the surface but seems to work out splendidly at first, as Megan is a total hit and even teaches the kids French lullabies they can sing to get Gene to sleep.
Don then brings Sally and Bobby over to meet Stephanie, the late Anna's niece, as he's finally selling the house, and when Sally notices the "Dick and Anna" that Don painted last time he was there, he takes a step toward heeding Faye's advice and admits that Dick is him. Stephanie also gives Don Anna's engagement ring from, well, Famous Original Don, saying Anna wanted him to have it. This causes Don to do some serious soul-searching, and after the kids are in bed, he goes to see Megan, and despite her questioning the wisdom of their hooking up again, they…do, and not only that, after a sleepless night, Don ends up PROPOSING TO HER. Yes, you read that right. And look, even though it's out of nowhere, it does fit with the seasonal theme of people doing what they want rather than what's expected of them, it fits with Don becoming more and more Roger-like in many ways (Megan being the Jane here), and Faye did call it when she said he'd be married within a year. Still: I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that I think this is not going to be popular with the viewing audience. Anyway, she accepts, and soon Don is telling the partners plus Joan his news. Everyone blesses the union, but behind closed doors, Peggy and Joan have a nice little bitch session about what jerks men are, and how good it is to see the two of them getting along again. Don then calls Faye to break the news, and she's completely devastated, although she does get in a good parting shot or two. Probably nothing compared to the shots her father will get in if she ever tells him.
Finally, when Henry finds out what Betty did with Carla, he lays into her but good, and they have an ugly fight about it. This paves the way for Don comes out to the house for a listing appointment, as he's also selling the Ossining house now, and finds Betty still there, and they have a nice nostalgic moment about the times they had in the house before Betty admits that things aren't prefect, and all the change in her life has made everything difficult. This, of course, is just the perfect opportunity to tell her about his engagement, and Betty is obviously hurt but covers to say she's happy for him. In the end, Don lies in bed with Megan, still unable to sleep, and we say goodbye to Season Four.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Before I start, a couple people were kind enough to remind me that Don's middle name is actually "Francis," as it said on "his" Purple Heart, and I'd wonder about the irony if names weren't completely meaningless on this show.
So, that was a thing, huh? Even though I could feel the internet exploding around me as I watched this episode, the more I think about it the more I think this resolution makes total sense, in spite of its impulsiveness. It certainly fits with the seasonal theme of people doing what they want instead of what is expected of them, as Faye, on paper, would be a much better match for Don than, you know, his secretary. Also, the season, at least at times, has indicated the similarities between Don and Roger, and Roger's been down this road before. I mean, remember how fascinated he was when Jane read him that stupid poem she wrote? Doesn't that sound a little familiar? And finally, let's not forget Faye's prediction that Don would be married again within a year. Of course, she probably didn't figure she'd end up being punched in the gut by said prediction, but that's the irony of life, or at least this show. Anyway:
We open auspiciously enough, with Don asleep and shirtless in bed, when Faye enters and tells him she still has to pack for a seven AM flight, "thanks to you." Not sure whether she's referring to the fact that the termination of her relationship with SCDP is forcing her to take out-of-town business or merely that Don insisted on nailing her during her designated packing time, but either way, if I were Don I'd be like, "This couldn't have waited until you got back?" Actually, he asks her to put him out of his misery, as he's apparently hopelessly nervous about the now-imminent American Cancer Society presentation. Faye assures him he'll do great, and then reminds him that once he's done, he's going to take his kids to California "and have a ball." With three of them in tow, that sounds like a best-case scenario, and it certainly doesn't make Don feel any better, so Faye cautiously suggests that maybe Don's anxiety is at least partially related to the baggage he's carrying around about his past, and he might feel better if he confronted it. Referring to the criminal nature of his past actions, he tells her it's not that simple, and she agrees, but tells him he wouldn't have to do it alone, and that he might feel more comfortable in the end. Playing along, he asks what happens then, and she replies, "Then you're stuck trying to be a person like the rest of us." Don does not look overly thrilled at the prospect of being just like everyone else, but does seem to mean it when, after they kiss, he tells her he's going to miss her. Of course, if he's talking permanently, it's just as well that he mean it.
In an apparent nod to the massive staff cutbacks, Joan is wheeling the mail cart around, and when she asks Pryce if he's got anything, the answer is yes -- not outgoing mail, but a promotion for her to Director of Agency Operations. Joan seems genuinely pleased at first, but Pryce continues that, due to their failure to sign any new business for the last ten weeks, the title change will not be accompanied by any pay increase, at least for now. Joan: "Well, it's almost an honor." I thought at first that might be a bit overly snarky, but they probably could afford at least a token pay raise. Plus, you know, hormones.
It's time for the ACS meeting, and after a somewhat matronly woman asks Don what possessed him to suddenly write the ad, he appears a bit intimidated by the room full of bigwigs, but after a pause and a glance at Pete, who's supportively sitting to him, he says that while he hopes most of his reasons were apparent from the letter, it was really an impulse, "because I knew what I needed to do to move forward." And I suppose we can remember that explanation for any other impulsive behavior we may come across this episode. The woman says they hope the gesture will be useful, because while they believe lung cancer is avoidable and can be thwarted with the right campaign, they haven't found it yet. An older gentleman adds that quoting frightening medical statistics is useless -- half of them are smokers. Wow. I mean, I'm not saying that's not believable given the time period, but I hope they made Don and Pete sign a confidentiality agreement, because that information leaking out to the general public would make them look about as hypocritical as a toe-tapping anti-gay.
Anyway, Don admits that he, too, is a smoker, and he can tell them from personal and business experience that tobacco's agenda is all about getting new smokers -- they make teenagers associate both adulthood and rebellion with their product. "But, teenagers are sentimental as well. Have you heard their music?" This gets appreciative laughter despite the fact that looking around the room, the answer is clearly "no," and Don continues that his idea for a series of commercials is to show mothers and daughters, or fathers and sons, with the idea that basically, depicting the parents as not long for this world will tap into the teenagers' fear of death, especially...if they can emphasize to the teenagers how they've lost their childhood? I think this is straight out of Don's "tap into nostalgia" playbook, but getting people to fear death by telling them the good part of their lives is already over seems weird to me. No wonder he was nervous. He adds that Lucky Strike will hate the campaign, getting more appreciative laughter that still seems unearned to me...
...and then he and Pete are returning to the office, with Roger calling, "Did you get cancer?" Hee. Don asks Megan to summon Ken before telling Roger that they got "a meeting for another meeting," and Pete adds that the ACS people were eating out of Don's hand, which is perhaps not quite what I saw, but I think this whole episode is an exercise in making the viewer feel slightly like he's missing something. (By the way, if you haven't read Videogum's recap of the finale, you are missing out. The only thing I'll spoil is that it theorizes that Sally's milkshake is her totem, and spilling it plunged Mad Men into an Inception-style reality.) Anyway, Roger follows Don and Pete into Don's office, and Pete goes on that the board was loaded with fat cats, "as you said," and Pete, it was actually Ken who mentioned that, but of course you were too preoccupied with how you could maintain your partner status without your wife ripping your well-descended testicles off.
Pete goes on that Don had a "particularly empathetic exchange with the CEO of Dow Chemical," and I thought at first he said "empathic" and was wondering when Don suddenly turned into Deanna Troi here. Just as well he didn't -- people want to sleep with him enough without the benefit of gigantic bazooms. Roger acknowledges that landing Saran Wrap would certainly be nice, and offers to lose to the guy at golf, but Pete loftily tells him since it's a philanthropic organization, "Don and I think it best if we approach from the rear." And these days you can't even afford to buy him dinner first. Ken then joins them and is thrilled to hear that Don got them to the top three; however, he's less jazzed to learn that Pete wants him to exploit his personal connection to his father-in-law, who you'll remember just so happens to be the CFO at Corning, to help things along. Frankly, with the company in the state it is, if I were Ken I'd be grateful that they didn't come looking for a father-in-law-related favor even before Don had impressed the Dow Chemical CEO, but Ken doesn't see it that way -- Cynthia is his life, and given the inherently transitory nature of accounts in their business, he's not going to do anything that could remotely jeopardize that. Roger snaps that if Ken wants to be, essentially, a pussy, he'll make the call and drop Ken's name, and Ken tells him to do whatever he wants. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go service the thirty percent of this firm that are my clients." I realize that represents far fewer people than it used to, Ken, but that still sounds like a hard afternoon's work.
Some Salvation Army dudes are lugging out some furniture from the Francis home as Glen enters the kitchen and asks Carla if Sally's home. Regarding Glen like something that crawled out of a cave, she says she is, but "you shouldn't be here." Woman speaks the truth. Glen, however, says that Betty's car is gone, so he thought it would be safe to say his goodbyes, and Carla, after warning him that Betty will be back soon, gives him leave to go upstairs...
...and after Sally gives him permission to enter her room, she looks happy to see him but reiterates that he shouldn't be there. Sally tells him that the move's actually happening that weekend while she and her brothers are in California, and Glen offers to visit her as soon as he's old enough to drive. Sally in return says she can send him postcards, but Glen tells her it's no big deal: "I say goodbye to people all the time." Ordinarily I'd find that moving, but in Glen's case it's hard to react with anything but "Good." I mean, I know he's a kid, but he's creepy! I'm not immune to that! Sally is, however, as she hugs him goodbye, and given his love of female hair and that his face is so close to her ponytail I certainly appreciate him resisting the urge to take a bite out of it. They break apart, and after Sally happily confirms that she'll be visiting Disneyland while in California, Glen tells her to get him something, and leaves...
...but he's too late, as he and Betty enter the kitchen at the same time. She flips her shit, yelling at him to get out over Carla's attempts to explain, but Glen, despite how he bravely ran away last week, is unintimidated, matching her volume as he asks why she hates him. She seethes that she knows exactly what he's doing: "You could be friends with anyone!" Yes, he certainly seems to be a lock for Junior High Prom King. I mean, I get what you're saying, Betty, except not really. Glen yells that just because Betty's sad doesn't mean everyone has to be, and that's a good parting shot but he has no idea of the destruction she'll wreak just to prove him wrong. Speaking of which, when he's gone, Betty rounds on Carla, and although Carla attempts to explain, when she hears that Carla did in fact leave Sally and Glen alone, Betty asks when she decided she was Sally's mother. Rather than indulge in one of the incredibly numerous available bitchy comebacks to that question, Carla settles for somewhat sharply telling Betty she simply made a mistake, and there's no need for that kind of talk.
After stewing like a spoiled child for a moment, Betty tells Carla that she's been thinking -- with the new distance, she's going to need someone closer by, and hands her some cash as she says that should square them for the week. Carla doesn't move at first, challenging Betty really to go through with this amazingly petty and ill-conceived action, but Betty yells at her to take it: "You think I enjoy doing this, after all these years?" Well, as much as you enjoy anything, I'd have to say yes. Also, you really think you are the victim in this scenario? I haven't hated Betty near as much as I think is the norm, even this season, but that is some hateful, offensively deluded crap right there. The words "spoiled, Main Line brat" are echoing in my mind. Carla refuses to go silently as, taking off her apron, she replies that "someone has to look after those children," prompting Betty to ask what Carla's children are up to -- are they all doctors and lawyers? Carla holds her temper to a mere "You best stop talking now," and while she pretty much guaranteed her admission to heaven with that saint-like display of restraint, who among us wouldn't have loved to see her be all "Woman, that is it" and pull out every single lock of Betty's blonde hair? Anyway, Carla starts to head to the stairs so she can say goodbye to the kids, but Betty stops her, basically saying it'll be too much right now on top of the move, like BOTH THINGS AREN'T TOTALLY YOUR VINDICTIVE, PETTY FAULT. Betty at least concedes that Carla can do it another time, so Carla takes the proffered opportunity and gets away from this bitch as fast as her orthopedic shoes can carry her.
Don's accountant is in with him, and there is way too much going on elsewhere in this episode for me to pay any attention to an exchange with no emotional movement at all, so suffice it to say that we learn Don is has already sold the house in San Pedro and has the one in Ossining on the market before Betty calls and breaks the news about Carla. Don is pissed, not so much on Carla's behalf but because she was supposed to come to California to look after the children as needed. He asks if he can't hire her back for the trip, but Betty ridiculously says she doesn't want her "poisoning the well," and frankly I don't know why Don doesn't just take her anyway, but instead he asks what the hell he's supposed to do, as he'll have three kids on two flights and meetings to attend besides. Betty has the gall to suggest he not take them, then, as "they're used to it," but Don snaps that they're going before slamming the phone down on her. If I were him, I'd call her right back just so I could hang up on her again.
Joyce and an attractive young woman, whom I see was actually once a contestant on America's Top Model, head down the hall at SCDP, and when they pass Harry's office, he sticks his head out like Pepe Le Pew when that cat painted like another skunk walked by. The two women enter Peggy's office, and Joyce calls Peggy "Pumpernickel" and tells her there's no one out front, like, I'm surprised that that's not where the Director of Agency Operations' station is. Maybe she's cleaning the toilets at the moment. Joyce then introduces her friend, "Carolyn Jones," and after they sit, Joyce explains that Carolyn, a model, was on a photo shoot for a certain pantyhose when she got fired, and now needs to make rent. Carolyn adds that Joyce witnessed her nervous breakdown at Howard Johnson's earlier that day, and I've never been a viewer of that show but from what I hear it probably was nothing compared to the nervous breakdowns Tyra Banks caused every contestant on her show to suffer.
And speaking of suffering, Harry, apparently having gotten his insta-boner under control, enters on a flimsy excuse and then asks who "this lovely young thing" is, like, if you sat in shit it would up your average dignity level, guy. Peggy calls attention to the fact that he's rudely ignoring Joyce, which does nothing to stop him, and then gets Carolyn to tell him her story, which is that "the Topaz people" flipped out and fired the people who hired her, and she was the casualty. Anyway, Joyce asks Peggy if she can help, but Peggy is far too focused on the part about Topaz having fired their agency to be of much use, and then Joyce can't take Harry's smarminess one second longer and gets Carolyn the hell out of there. When they're gone, Harry lingers for a moment and then leaves, and Peggy looks disgusted. And it's not going to be the last time a man's behavior causes her to make that face.
Don comes out of his office and asks Megan for an update, and Megan, who's been trying to arrange for babysitting, says the hotel does have a service but there's no one girl who can take care of all three kids at the same time, so the arrangements are rather convoluted. Apparently finding inspiration in her gigantic teeth, he offers to double Megan's weekly salary if she'll come along and take care of the kids, and after Megan tells him she has no professional experience, but she does have a college friend out there, and he assures her she'll be fine, she accepts...
...and just like that, they've arrived at the hotel pool. The kids can't resist dipping their arms in the water, but Don tells them if they don't get it together they're going to go back to the car and spend the weekend there. I think some of the viewing audience might have preferred that option in retrospect.
Ken and Harry come in to see Peggy, and Ken tells her that he just got off the phone with Topaz, and the guy was "shocked and impressed" that he'd already heard about them firing their agency. Harry pipes up that Topaz already bought TV placement for the campaign, and they've invited SCDP to come in Monday and pick up the pieces. Ken, wearily: "I just told you that." Heh. I feel you, Ken. Peggy points out that Monday is a holiday but Ken says Topaz is out of time. "All we have to do is not throw up on our shoes." That's not always achievable, but it's worth a try! Harry asks Peggy if she wants help, but when Peggy hilariously tells him Carolyn isn't going to be there, he leaves without another word. Ew. Ken then compliments Peggy on the good work, and at least someone around there is doing some.
Don arrives back to his hotel room to find the kids and Megan sitting on one of the beds, and when they see him they launch into a French children's song, "Il était un petit navire (There Was A Little Ship), which, by the way, is one effed-up piece of work. Don, however, is pleased at their offering, and Sally excitedly tells him that singing the song is how they got Gene to sleep. Don smiles that they shouldn't wake him up, and then Megan gets her stuff together as she says that the kids played in the pool for four hours and then bounced on the bed for another two. "I think everybody's going to sleep very well." It's just too bad Don couldn't have participated in those activities. Don tells Megan he needs her at seven AM to watch Gene, and he'll "get these two breakfast on the road." Megan wishes the kids good night in French, prompting Don to shake his head in wonder and say that she claimed to have no experience, but she's "like Maria von Trapp." Well, I suppose she and her boss got together too. Megan corrects him that she has no professional experience, but she does have four nieces and six nephews, which I guess means fertile ground runs in her family. It's good to be aware of these things. When Megan's gone, Don awesomely does a "TIMMM-BER" fall onto the kids' bed, and then tells the kids to pick him up and move him over to his. I think he's a bit heavy for them, but it'd be fun to watch them try...
...but instead we cut to the three of them waiting on Dead Anna's porch. Stephanie comes to the door and lets them in, and after greeting the kids, she tells Don that the notary is late, but her mom put the papers in order so all she has to do is sign, and then the kids can be on their way to Marineland. Seeing the flowers on the wall, Bobby asks who painted them, and Don tells him it was his "friend" Anna, who used to live there, and that Stephanie is her niece. With all this explanation, I'm wondering what Don told the kids in advance about this little stop, if anything. I mean, do they know he owns this house, and if so, how do they think that came to be? Whatever, I'm sure I'm underestimating Don's ability to deflect and obfuscate with a pithy irrelevancy. However, when Sally asks who the Dick in "Dick and Anna '64" is, as Stephanie watches expectantly, Don tells her that's him. "That's my nickname, sometimes." Well, I'm glad he put a lot of thought into preparing for this moment!
Stephanie looks proud of what she apparently sees as a major breakthrough, and then after Don sends the kids off to pick the lemon tree in the backyard, Stephanie gives Don something from Anna -- her engagement ring from the real Don Draper. Don asks Stephanie if she doesn't want it, but Stephanie tells him that Anna wanted him to have it, and she wouldn't mess around with that; besides, she doesn't believe in marriage. Well, this episode is going to prove you wrong, missy! Stephanie goes on to say that she's not going back to school right away, and when Don asks what she's going to do, she says she doesn't know, which is the beauty of it -- she's got her whole life ahead of her. "So do you." The notary then knocks on the door, and when Stephanie goes to get it, Don takes another pensive look at the "Dick and Anna" painted in the corner. And hey, this is the part of the paragraph where a joke goes, but if you want me to make one you can't end the scene like that.
Don, Sally, and Bobby return to the pool, where they find Megan standing in the water to Gene, who's sitting on the edge. Sally and Bobby tell Don to come in, unfazed that he's fully dressed, but Don begs off, saying he's beat...
...but, after sitting in his room for a while, staring into space...
...he appears in his bathing suit, cannonballs into the water, and starts playing with the kids. Some puppies and kittens then start frolicking by the side of the pool, which does nothing to increase the cuteness factor of the scene.
Later, Don and the older two kids are planning their line of attack for the Disneyland visit the day when there's a knock at the door. Sally gets it, and it's Megan and her friend, "Camille," both dressed to go out, and Megan says she just wanted to check that he didn't need anything else. Don tells her he's fine, so after Camille, in a French accent, tells them they're going to the "Whiskey A Go Go," the two of them head out, with Don kind of pointedly watching them go. Bobby then, in what I'm sure is a first, gets the episode title by asking about visiting Tomorrowland, which I'll certainly admit is a better name than "Epcot Center," which is where I went when I was a kid. He adds that he doesn't want to ride an elephant but instead fly a jet, and Don wisely refrains from telling him how that might already have happened if he hadn't screwed the pooch with NAA.
Betty arrives home to find Henry drinking a beer in a cloud of boxes and righteous anger. You see, Carla called while Betty was out, and Betty makes the mistake of being all "Oh, what did she want?" which only gets Henry's back up further about the fact that she fired Carla without telling him. Betty says she didn't want Carla "invoking [his] sympathies," which is so screwed up that it verges on being awesome, but then Henry moves on to the fact that apparently, Betty wouldn't even give Carla a letter of recommendation, which is so completely spiteful that I'm surprised he doesn't, like, step on her foot to try to snap her out of being so insane. Henry asks what, then, Carla did, "and don't tell me it's just about the neighbor boy," but it, of course, is, so Henry asks what the hell she's doing -- she didn't want the kids to move for the sake of their stability, and now she's firing their nanny who's been with them all their lives? Betty snaps that she's entitled to a fresh start, but Henry's not buying: "There is no fresh start! Lives carry on!" Betty shouts that he should for once take her side, but he's been practicing his verbal chess: "No one's ever on your side, Betty." He stomps out of the room, and Betty glares after him, knowing that she's been told how shitty she is twice now this episode. And she doesn't even have anyone left she can fire!
With the kids asleep, Don's reading and having a beer when he hears Megan's door open and close. He contemplates for a moment...
...and then he's knocking. She takes a little while to open up, and when she does she explains that she was on the balcony enjoying the view. Don lamely says he wanted to go over the agenda for Disneyland, earning this straight-faced response: "Do you think I should be involved in such high-level decisions?" Heh. Don, busted, says he couldn't put the TV on because the kids are asleep, so Megan genially lets him in and invites him out to the balcony, mentioning on the way that the French girl isn't really her friend -- they just lived together in college. "My father's a professor. I think she liked him too much." I'd say gross, but now is not the time to be squeamish about age differences.
On the balcony, Don asks why, then, Megan saw the girl, and Megan admits she doesn't know, but says she's an actress. "She told me I could never do it because of my teeth. She actually said that to me." Well, all that proves is that she's part of the sighted population, but I'm enjoying the thought that the show went to the trouble of casting Camille's part solely to acknowledge just how enormous those chompers are. I haven't recapped anything so disproportionately large since I was exposed to Lisa Rinna's lips on Veronica Mars. Don tells Megan he loves her teeth, which is some of the best acting Jon Hamm has ever done, and after Megan babbles something about elocution lessons and having the mouth of a singer, he goes in for the kiss. After a bit, she breaks it off, and surely referring to the kids, she asks if they should do this, but he breathes that he's been thinking about her so much, and that's all it takes...
...but let's let them disrobe in private by cutting to Betty, fully dressed, entering Sally's room and lying down in much the same way a sad little girl would. And I'm not made of stone, but honey, hire Carla back and then we can discuss sympathy.
We cross-fade from Betty's miserable face to Don's beatific one, as he and Megan stare post-coitally at each other. She admits that this was the first thing she thought of when he invited her on the trip, and adds that she was going to miss him so much. He counters that she doesn't know anything about him, but she demurs, saying she knows he has a good heart and is always trying to be better. He at least has the good grace not to laugh in her face, instead settling for telling her that while everyone tries, they don't always make it, and he's "done a lot of things." Megan, however, tells him she knows who he is now before noting that it's getting light outside. Before he goes, however, Don tells her he's not sure why, but he needs to know if he'll be able to see her that night, or if this is it. Instead of telling him it might be good for him not to know whether she's a sure thing, she assures him that there's nothing to worry about, so he leaves. I wonder how long it's going to take Sally to figure this shit out. I'm guessing not very.
Peggy and Ken come in for the meeting with the Topaz people, a couple of Noo Yawk Italians, and the president tells them he wants an ad that stands out. "I don't care if it's Abe Beame wearing them!" Well, you're a few years too early, my man. If Ed Koch were on the scene I think you'd be in business. After a little back-and-forth, Peggy expertly comes up with two ideas that the guys like, and we don't get to see the rest of the scene but I think we can count Topaz's mess as sufficiently cleaned up.
In a diner, Don returns from the bathroom or making a phone call or something to see the kids and Megan in a semicircular booth, and let's just say the way he stops and they do a camera close-up on his "I never noticed how beatifically Megan rounds out this family picture" expression is not the most subtle directorial choice I've ever seen. Anyway, after Bobby and Sally, have what I think is a short but spirited debate on creationism versus evolution, Sally tries to smack Bobby, which is pretty much how all such arguments end in my experience. The problem, however, is that Sally knocks over her milkshake, and I'm sorry, but I can't take this scene seriously after reading the Videogum recap I linked to above, so let's just say that Don starts to get mad, but even though Megan got some shake on what's her last dress, she's super-chill about it, and the best part is where Sally and Bobby look at each other in disbelief that the world isn't ending. Of course, Betty could conceivably pop out and scream, "Who do you think you are, their MOTHER?" at Megan, so maybe the kids are right not to get too comfortable. Anyway, Don also looks surprised, like he never considered that not freaking out at the kids is a possible response to a spilled milkshake...
...and then we cross-fade into him sitting pensively in his hotel room once again. Or make that Megan's hotel room -- she's still in bed, despite the fact that he's fully dressed, and when she stirs and asks if it's late, he says he wanted to let her sleep, failing to add, "UNLIKE SOME BLONDES I COULD MENTION." He tells her he couldn't sleep because he kept thinking about her, not specifying if said obsession has anything to do with the size of her TEETH, and goes on to say, "I feel like myself when I'm with you. But the way I always wanted to feel. Because I'm in love with you, Megan. And I think I have been for a while." Um...where to start? Oh, I know: NO YOU'RE NOT, AND NO YOU HAVEN'T. I mean, as has been noted all over the internet, Megan's strong relationship with Don's kids alone makes her far from the worst choice he could make in a new wife, but...no one said he had to get remarried, either. But that's him; Faye said he'd be remarried within a year, and honestly, the way he's talking seems to me to be highly reminiscent of the way he talked to Anna about Betty after he'd first met her. And surely he's being influenced by the fact that he's coming off a long period of severe depression, but ultimately, this is who he is; we can all see that he's completely deluding himself in thinking this feeling of infatuation he has is a solid foundation for marriage, but he doesn't. I mean, I would lay odds that most people wouldn't even concede that he's known that she's called "Megan" "for a long time."
Anyway, when she breathes his name in surprise, she at least uses "Don" instead of "Mr. Draper," so that clears him to pull out Anna's ring and propose to her. Wait, what do you mean, it's out of nowhere? He's been in love with her for a long time! She's of course overwhelmed, and notes how quickly this is happening, but he busts out an unbelievably trite line about all the things that had to happen for him to get to know her, like what that has to do with the price of tea in China I'll never know and THAT IS NOT A REASON TO GET MARRIED. In case it wasn't clear, though, don't confuse my ranting for disappointment in the story; I think it's totally earned but damn if I'm not going to try to yell some sense into Don Draper's fool head anyway. Anyway, Megan accepts and babbles about how she has to call her mother, and then wonders what they're going to do about work, but Don easily says they'll tell everyone. Megan seems a little taken aback at that one at first, as well she might, but defers thinking about it in order to dial the phone and tell her mother in French that she's got news and to go get her father right quick. I was hoping for a "Zut alors!" from the other end of the phone, but sadly we don't stick around long enough for that...
...because we have to zip ahead to the SCDP offices, wherein Don's waiting in his office when the remaining partners and Joan join him. With a bit of lead-up, Don tells the group that he and "Miss Calvet" are getting married, and after a long moment, Roger asks, "Who the hell's that?" HA! I realize I've probably made statements that contradict this sentiment in the past, but Roger, don't ever change. Joan tells him it's Megan, and Pryce steps forward to congratulate Don before Roger asks, "Megan out there?" Hee. Don tells them he knows it's a surprise, but Megan makes him happy, and that's all Roger needs to hear to suggest that they get Megan in there. When Joan opens the door for Megan, everyone applauds, and Joan kisses her as everyone expresses congratulations. Roger then suggests a toast: "Megan, could you get us some ice?" That one hangs in the air like an ill-conceived proposal, but Roger assures her he's kidding before telling Don that "this is the way to behave," like, if ROGER STERLING is validating your choices you might want to take a good look at yourself here. Joan asks when they're getting married, and Megan says they haven't discussed it but Don assures her it will be soon...
...and then we cut to Ken coming in to tell Peggy that they got the Topaz account. They hug adorably and then decide to go "rub it in." That's what's known as an "expression," by the way. Another one, just as a random example, is to "steal your thunder."
Oh, look how that worked out! Peggy and Ken meet Pete on his way out of Don's office and say they have great news, and Pete's like, "Are you two getting married?" I wish! Also, heh. Peggy looks past him to see Megan and Don kissing, and her face falls like a soufflé in a hurricane before she and Ken step in and ask what's going on. When they hear the news, they express their happiness, but when the phone rings, there's an exquisitely awkward pause before Megan volunteers to get it. Heh.
When she's gone, Peggy and Ken tell them their news, and even though it's only a quarter of a million dollars in billings Don is thrilled that "we" broke the streak. Ken then gets in what, despite Roger's howler just now, is quite possibly the line of the episode: "I hope you have all the happiness that Peggy and I had signing this account." Hee. Ken takes off, but Peggy closes the door and questioningly is like, "Wow," so Don tells her it's been "going on a while," and I've already ranted about his exceptionally poor sense of time when it comes to Megan so let's not dwell on that, but I wonder if part of Peggy's tone here is that she figured out Don had something going on with Faye, whom we know she really likes? Peggy manages to say she's happy for him, even though her face is looking perhaps a little pinched, and Don in the most exceptionally tin-eared way tells Peggy that Megan reminds him of her -- "she's got the same spark" -- and he knows Megan admires her as much as he does. I mean, let's not worry about whether Peggy's concerned about Don's choices, or if she's offended that she's being compared to a secretary, but we know she always wants people to be aware that she got where she is without fucking Don, so for him to liken her to Megan when he just announced they're sleeping together has to be galling for her.
Anyway, she gives him a hug and leaves, with him smiling stupidly all the way. And one thing I just thought of that makes the whole thing so consistent: The season, despite a few hiccups on that front, did seem to want to emphasize how the mystique of Don Draper has eroded. And if there's any way to make yourself more of an office joke than marrying your secretary, I'd like to know what it is. Don said so himself. Anyway, when Peggy's gone, Megan rejoins him and tells him it was Faye again, and points out it won't get any easier to tell her if he puts it off. His facial expression seems to acknowledge the truth of that statement...
...but we'll give him a moment to decide what to do. Peggy raps loudly on Joan's open door, and Joan, in a hilariously silky voice, asks, "Whatever could be on your mind?" Hee. Peggy slams the door behind her and asks if Joan can believe it, but Joan tells her it happens all the time. Remember Peggy's first day, when Joan told her in regard to the men there, "Most of the time they're looking for something in between a mother and a waitress"? This hardly seems different. She adds that "they're all just between marriages," and twists the knife a bit when she says that Don will probably make Megan a copywriter. "He's not going to want to be married to his secretary." Please, he's not going to want her at his workplace at all. Otherwise how's he going to cheat on her effectively? Peggy, however, takes Joan at face value and wonders if that's what Don was referring to when he said that Megan admires her, and oh, shit, Peggy, maybe you'll have to train her! You'll be begging to have Danny back!
Peggy, smoking her cigarette with extreme prejudice, brings it around to another of her pet peeves as she says she "just saved this company" (I'll let her have that), but it's not as important as getting married, "again." Joan counters that she just got a promotion that's a title and no money, "and if they poured champagne it must have been while I was pushing the mail cart." Aw. Peggy, still scandalized, notes that a pretty face comes along and everything goes out the window, and I can't really describe it but she's brilliantly letting her body language be far less controlled right than usual right now, but Joan tells her she learned long ago not to get all her satisfaction from this job. And then, the most awesome thing happens, as Peggy takes a moment and then bites out, "That's bullshit!" and they both dissolve into giggles. I tell you what, I'll take Don's ill-advised marriage any day if it means weekly closed-door bitch sessions with Peggy and Joan. Hell, I'll take electroshock therapy for that.
Oh, dear. It's time for Don's call to Faye, and I find this painful to watch so I'm going to power through it: She hopes for the best by telling him she was worried he was ill, but when he tells her he needs to talk to her and she shouldn't come by the office, she knows what's up. She at first agrees to meet him for coffee, but then thinks better of it and tells him just to get to it now. He takes a moment and then informs her he met someone and they're engaged, and she of course can't believe any of it but especially not that last part, considering she was still staying over at his house less than a week earlier. She inquires as to who it is, but he asks what the difference is, which should clue her in that she knows the person, because the answer is always "No one you know" when true.
He adds that he fell in love and didn't mean for it to happen, and Faye has been very important to him, and Faye snits, "So you're not going to put an ad in The New York Times saying you never liked me?" HA! She's got an even better line coming up, but I had forgotten about that one. Speaking of which: "Well, I hope you're very happy. And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things!" I guess Don's too "in love" to realize how accurately she just skewered him there, but when things with Megan go south I hope he remembers that. She hangs up on him and cries, and it's sad, and then Megan comes in, having seen the light on his phone line go off, and he assures her it's done. She stands over him and tells him she loves him, and then her incisors descend from her face and impale him right where he sits. This episode is just full of surprises!
Joan is on the phone with now-in-Vietnam Greg, telling him how Don was "smiling like a fool, like he's the first man who ever married his secretary." Greg asks when Joan is going to tell them her news, and this one at least I and many others called: She did not go through with the abortion, and as such is still pregnant. She tells Greg they'll know soon enough, and Greg asks if she's showing at all, as the pictures he's been getting haven't changed in that regard. That seems like a nod to the fact that she would be showing if Greg were actually the father, but since he's not going to be back for some time I'm assuming Joan's just going to tell him the baby came late. Or maybe it will cooperate with her lie by being premature. Anyway, in response to his question, she assures him that her boobs are in fact bigger, and after he tells her to make sure she eats enough, they hang up...
...and then we go to Ossining, where Betty is lingering in the kitchen with a packed box when Don walks in. Betty lets us know she forgot that Don had the appointment with the listing agent, and also neglected to retrieve the contents of the cabinets in the guest bath, which is why she's there now. Don jokingly asks if that means she wasn't that thorough, and she accepts the humor by conceding that she supposes she wasn't. Don then goes and retrieves a bottle of booze he had hidden on a high shelf in the kitchen, making Betty laugh at her ex-husband's ingenuity born of severe alcoholism. She gets out a cup for them and asks if Don likes the new house, so I guess he got consultation on where his kids would be living, and Don tells her he does indeed. She then asks if he remembers the Ossining house, referring to the times they had there, and when he says he does, she opines that the place in Rye is different.
As they share the drink, he asks if that isn't what she wanted, but she admits that her life now isn't perfect, and all the change they've been through has made everything difficult. She's obviously fishing for Don to respond in kind here, but what she comes up with is the unwelcome news about Megan, although Betty reasonably assumes at first that his fiancée is Bethany van Nuys. January Jones does some really nice work here as Betty goes through an expected range of emotions, eventually failing to meet his eyes as she affectlessly says she's very happy for him. He, however, at least tells her it's okay, giving her permission to feel something here, and this is enough for her to recover and smile that she doesn't know why she's surprised. She asks if she's her secretary, saying she heard she watched the kids in California, and Don admits that she is, but any further discussion is interrupted by the real estate agent ringing the doorbell. Don says his goodbyes, but Betty calls him back to give him her key. They regard each other for another long moment, and then leave in opposite directions, the bottle and cup they shared symbolically left behind on the counter...
...and later, in Don's apartment, Megan's asleep with her head on Don's chest, but Don is once again wide awake, perhaps already thinking of someone other than Megan. He looks out the window as Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe," a song steeped in impracticality and, given the real-life path of the singers, irony, kicks up, and that's the end of yet another strong and wonderful season. Thanks so much for reading -- hope to see you all year.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. You can email him at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or get information about his most recent film "East Fifth Bliss," starring Michael C. Hall, at https://twitter.com/eastfifthbliss.
Look back at the show's most outrageous moments.
Is Betty Draper the most awful wife ever? Check out this evaluation.
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As they share the drink, he asks if that isn't what she wanted, but she admits that her life now isn't perfect, and all the change they've been through has made everything difficult. She's obviously fishing for Don to respond in kind here, but what she comes up with is the unwelcome news about Megan, although Betty reasonably assumes at first that his fiancée is Bethany van Nuys. January Jones does some really nice work here as Betty goes through an expected range of emotions, eventually failing to meet his eyes as she affectlessly says she's very happy for him. He, however, at least tells her it's okay, giving her permission to feel something here, and this is enough for her to recover and smile that she doesn't know why she's surprised. She asks if she's her secretary, saying she heard she watched the kids in California, and Don admits that she is, but any further discussion is interrupted by the real estate agent ringing the doorbell. Don says his goodbyes, but Betty calls him back to give him her key. They regard each other for another long moment, and then leave in opposite directions, the bottle and cup they shared symbolically left behind on the counter...
...and later, in Don's apartment, Megan's asleep with her head on Don's chest, but Don is once again wide awake, perhaps already thinking of someone other than Megan. He looks out the window as Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe," a song steeped in impracticality and, given the real-life path of the singers, irony, kicks up, and that's the end of yet another strong and wonderful season. Thanks so much for reading -- hope to see you all year.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. You can email him at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or get information about his most recent film "East Fifth Bliss," starring Michael C. Hall, at https://twitter.com/eastfifthbliss.
Look back at the show's most outrageous moments.
Is Betty Draper the most awful wife ever? Check out this evaluation.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.