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Wow. This one was possibly more bizarre than last week's, but I think it was easily the best of the season so far. Creative pitches a Samsonite commercial to Don, but he's unimpressed even with Joey's Joe Namath impression, and after he chews Peggy out in a manner that's become de rigeur, she calls Duck, who just so happened to send her flowers for her birthday along with an invitation to come work as Creative Director at a women's-product-focused agency he's starting. She's flattered at first, but when she pieces together the fact that Duck got canned from Grey (the incident at the Clios may have been the last straw), her enthusiasm wanes, and he confesses that he's been a mess since whatever it was they had going on ended.
Meanwhile, the SCDP boys are going to see Muhammad Ali via the magic of closed-circuit TV, but Don decides to beg off to work on Samsonite, part of the reason being that he missed a call from California he knows is about Anna but is broodily postponing returning. Seemingly unaware that it's Peggy's birthday, he keeps her late to go over Samsonite, causing her to miss her own surprise birthday dinner, which in turn prompts her fetal boyfriend Marc to dump her right then and there. She then yells at Don about Glo-Coat only to get it back twice as good from him, and when she breaks down in tears in the restroom, it's the lowest she's seemed in quite some time.
Later, Don's recording ideas for Samsonite when his tape runs out, and when he looks for a new one, he comes across Roger's drunken memoirs. Don calls Peggy back in and jovially plays them for her, and Roger reveals that Miss Blankenship was, I think, a dominatrix or some such, while Bertram unnecessarily had his testicles removed, and all I can say is these are quite the revelations to air when everyone in the world but me is away for Labor Day. The ice broken, Don takes Peggy out to dinner, and she confesses that despite the constant pressure to get married, nothing does it for her like working. They also trade morbid family histories and discuss secrets they share before heading back to the office, ostensibly to finish up the work but really so Don can vomit rather profusely. Peggy then finds Duck literally trying to take a dump in Don's (well, Roger's, but he thinks it's Don's) office, which leads to Duck and Don throwing some hands before Peggy can get Duck out of there.
Later, Peggy comes back to check on Don, who is trying to get up the nerve to return that call but instead falls asleep with his head in Peggy's lap. Later, Don has a vision of a spectral but smiling Anna seemingly crossing over, and in the morning, he finally makes the call and learns that Anna has passed, and despite the fact that he surely knew that was happening, he breaks down, but Peggy is there not only to comfort him but also, in a way, to take Anna's place. Later, when she returns to see him, he seems at first like it never happened, but when he takes her hand, it's clear that their relationship has gone to a new level. Doesn't mean he's not going to chew her out week, though. Just saying.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! In the SCDP break room, Harry is handing out tickets to a CCTV viewing of the upcoming Muhammad Ali-Sonny Liston title rematch, and in case you're unfamiliar with the controversy that surrounded it, here's a link so you'll know what to expect. Harry has enough tickets for the Campbells, the "Cosgroves" (did we skip over Ken's wedding?), and Joey, Stan, and Danny, the last three of whom he charges ten bucks each. Danny asks why they have to pay when it's obvious Harry got the tickets for free, and Danny may be a terrible copywriter but it sure didn't take him long to figure out what a douchebag Harry is. Pursuant to that point, Harry laughs that Danny is such a Jew, which even though Danny may well be Jewish, I don't think Harry means literally, not that that makes it much better. Danny, however, has a reasonable comeback when he asks if Harry's friends in Hollywood knows he talks that way, and by the way, if they're discussing cheapness, Harry's kind of leading the field by trying to score thirty bucks off something he got for free. Actually, I think the money's less important to Harry than the idea of emphasizing that he's more important than the peon Creative guys, although as you'd expect, making that point so obviously kind of cheapens it. And just when you thought Harry couldn't get any cheaper. I think I'd rather spend an afternoon at a beatnik poetry reading, headlined by Paul Kinsey and that asshole Roy from Season One, than hang out with Harry for more than five minutes. Harry is like the fainting couch of Season Four.Talk then turns to the fight, and as we'll learn Stan is going to represent some bets to his barber, who's a bookie on the side. Danny puts twenty-five on Ali (or "Clay," as he was still commonly called) by knockout. After Ken gets some lines about how Liston's going to win and Pete tells us his heart often beats rather speedily thanks to a congenital issue, Don arrives, and after Harry gives him his ticket, Joey tells him about Stan's barber, and Stan opines that Ali would make a hell of an ad man. Don agrees and then amusingly follows by putting a hundred on Liston, and Ken hilariously makes an "Our god has spoken" gesture in the others' direction before Harry asks Don if he's going to join them at the Palm for a pre-fight shindig. Don tells him "Absolutely" in a tone only slightly more enthusiastic than he would use to announce his intention to attend an upcoming root canal party before calling the Samsonite team into his office, and after Creative leaves, Harry tells Pete and Ken that if it comes up with Jennifer, he did pay for the seats. Even though she's not my, or I suspect anyone's, cup of tea, I wish Jennifer were around more often so she could keep Harry from swinging whatever passes for his dick around.
Don enters his office as he tells Miss Blankenship to make him and Roger a pre-fight reservation "anywhere but the Palm." Hee. She replies that she doesn't know what the big deal is about the bout: "If I wanted to see two Negroes fight, I'd throw a dollar bill out my window." Given what we learn about her past, I wonder if she played the cougar to a young and impressionable Don Rickles. Peggy leads the team in and says she thought they were doing this at nine, and points out that it's eleven-fifteen. Don tersely replies that he's late, and I like how the episode trusts us to guess that he only just got himself together after a night of boozing without seeing the hard (sorry) evidence of it. The idea, as Stan tells it, is that two no-name football players (represented by him and Danny), holding an American Tourister and a Skyway suitcase, are facing off against Joe Namath, played by Joey, who gives Don an awesome winning smile as he holds up a football, and his defender, "a sexy girl holding a Samsonite." Guess Stan's come a long way from last week, given that he (a) seems actually to have done some work, and (b) was able to refer to Peggy as "sexy" without choking on the word.
Anyway, Stan and Jonathan try to blitz Joey, holding up their suitcases like those huge pads lineman train with, while Peggy holds them at bay with her Samsonite, and as Don's eyes go wide, I'm guessing not in a good way, Stan calls for the camera to punch in on Namath, and Joey does a quite passable imitation as he tells Don, "The secret to victory on the road is Samsonite. I carry it because it's tough. And no matter what comes at me, I know I'm protected." Given what I've heard about the behavior of good-looking athletes on the road, that could just as well work for a Trojan spot. Peggy finishes out the ad with a "Touchdown, Samsonite!" and then Joey puts his arm around her and they walk off into the distance, and by that I mean "Don's door."
Don's verdict is that endorsements are lazy, and if he'd been in charge I might have seen fewer ads like this as a child, but he goes on to add that he doesn't like Namath, which even though he hadn't played in a professional game yet, I can't get behind, growing up a Jets fan as I did. Peggy counters that Broadway Joe is handsome, and when Don tries to tell her that women don't buy suitcases, she replies that "Dr. Faye" says they do. At the invocation of his philosophical nemesis's name, Don dismisses the boys before snitting that he's glad that they're in an environment in which Peggy feels free to fail. Peggy points out that he wanted to go with Danny's idea, and Don says that's true, because it -- "Only Samsonite is tough" -- works, and it's only the execution that's the problem. Peggy, casting about for something with which to stem the tide of his disapproval, asks if it should be funny, but Don's not letting up: "Actually funny, maybe. Funny like what I just saw, no." Boy, I wonder what he would have been like if they'd actually done this at nine. Stung, Peggy, exits...
...but in her office she finds just what she needs to cheer her up -- a vase full of pink carnations. Smiling, she reads the card...
...and then calls Duck, who's apparently at home. She's happy he remembered her birthday, and he asks if she opened the present that came with it, which she proceeds to do, and it's a business card for "Phillips-Olson Advertising," with Peggy's name and title of Creative Director underneath. She's a bit stunned, and he tells her that while they'll need another partner, he wants to form his own agency with her at the Creative helm, and he's had some under-the-table but promising talks with Tampax, "plus that queer at Belle Jolie's been barking up my tree." Don't know if that means the "queer" came out or if Duck just reads him as such, but either way I hope Sal thought to go there for a job. Peggy asks where she's calling him, which...did he put a number on the card with the flowers? I guess she always used to call him at Grey, so I suppose that makes sense. Ignore me. Anyway, Duck says he's in his home office, and Peggy wonders if that means he already gave Grey his notice, but Duck, who by the way has a drink in hand and is sweaty and stumbled over at least one sentence that I heard, tells her he's not "wasting [his] talents" over there anymore, and "believe me, it was mutual." Wow. I wonder if he actually said the words "You can't fire me, I quit!" Or some slurry variation thereof.
The bloom now off the rose of this conversation, Peggy asks if he lost his job, but Duck doesn't want to focus on that, saying he was, he has to admit, a little inspired by what "Draper" did, and all he needs is some accounts, because it's tough to get a credit line. I'm wondering if Duck blew through the finder's fee he got for the merger, because as I noted at the time, it was enough to keep him in booze for a while, and up until recently he had, I'm sure, at least a reasonably significant salary from Grey, but in any case, Peggy asks what he has so far, which, given that he already told her that, kind of means she's checked out here, and not being so drunk that he doesn't realize that, Duck snaps, "I know it's not a diamond necklace, but I did spend some money on those cards!" Oh, Duck, I was wrong and Roger was right -- don't ever change. Seriously, though, considering the address on the card was still to come, if he had more than one printed he's not only a drunk but also an idiot. Peggy finally has to come out and say it -- she doesn't know whether to take this whole thing seriously, given that he's obviously been drinking. Duck reflexively denies that, but when Peggy brings up his performance at the Clios (which, as I noted in the recaplet, may well have been the last straw as far as Grey went), he tells her he needs to see her, as he's falling apart, and when he was with her was the last time he felt good about himself. If I believed that, I'd feel cheated that we didn't get to see the end of their affair on screen, but it seems far more likely that he's just engaging in manipulative alcoholic bullshit here. The Creative boys then knock at the door, and when she unlocks it, Stan asks, "You been farting in here?" Oh, I see -- he's decided to deal with her by thinking of her as one of the guys. Well, at least as far as he's concerned, that's probably what she'd prefer anyway. Peggy hangs up on Duck, who swigs the last of his drink in frustration, spilling the ice on himself and then jumping to his feet like he just got stung by a bee. Heh. Back in Peggy's office, Stan says they're going to lunch, and when Peggy informs them that Don hated their pitch, Stan confesses, "I was hating it too while we were doing it, but not before, I'm not gonna lie." Is no one going to give Joey props for his Namath impression? It is a tough crowd here today. Anyway, Stan injects some practicality by pointing out that they still have to eat, and Joey tells her to come on. "We'll let you talk through lunch." Aw, that's a nice thought. I don't believe him for a second, but it's still a nice thought.
Don returns from the restroom to learn from Miss Blankenship that a "Stephanie from California" called on the direct line, saying it was urgent. I'd imagine, then, that she must have asked for Don Draper, although I would have loved to hear Anna explain that one to her. Don says he'll make the call himself, but in his office, he looks at the now-framed picture of him and Anna (which I'm honestly surprised he has out in the open) and struggles a bit before placing the receiver back into the cradle. You probably don't need me to tell you that his stop is his bar, which is good timing, given that Roger enters and tells him he's got bad news -- "the Brotherhood of Alcoholics Anonymous," that being Freddy and Cal Rutledge from Pond's, will be joining them, which means they'll have to drink before dinner if at all, "and then there's all the talk about drinking, where they start with the funny stories and they end up crying." Roger slugs a shot and requests a second before he complains that he waited fifteen months for the fight, and his mood doesn't improve any when Don tells him he should really beg off and work on Samsonite. Roger counters that that's not for two weeks, and he'll be in Florida then, which doesn't seem overly relevant but I suppose speaks to Roger's typical in-the-moment and selfish mentality. Don adds that he wouldn't be good company anyway, and Roger at least gets in a good one: "That's never bothered me before." Hee. In the end, though, he bows to Don's wordless stare, and once he's gone, Don sits and contemplates the message, which by the way lets us know that it's May 25th, in case you didn't follow the link above. Don stares into space...
...while later, in the break room, much the same is happening with the Creative team, although they're technically working, drinking beer instead of spirits, and Peggy is wearing a pink paper birthday crown on her head. Heh. Joey, eyes narrowed contemplatively, tells Danny, "I don't know what it is, but I look at the side of your neck and I wish I had one of those James Bond pens so I could jam a dart in it." HA! Thank you, Joey, for articulating something I've always felt but never quite put my finger on. Stan comes back with more beers, but Peggy's had enough and gathers up her materials, saying she'll see them the day. The rest of them start to get up, but Joan knocks urgently on the window from her office and then enters, tartly saying she doesn't like looking out from her office onto a garbage dump. Joey replies that even though he's paid less, he's not a janitor, and the ensuing close-up of Joan suggests that he just made whatever her equivalent of Beatrix Kiddo's Death List Five in Kill Bill is. Oh, Joey, don't be so stupid! Leave Joan's wrath for people I hate! He even shrugs insouciantly before leaving, but Stan and Danny at least are smart/terrified enough to clear up their bottles, earning a sharp but sincere thank you from Joan. If this is how Joan feels about messes, I'm glad for her sake it's the last we see of her in this episode.
In the restroom, Peggy, already dressed to leave, is freshening up to Megan. After, in answer to Megan's question, Peggy tells her that Mark is taking her out for a romantic dinner at the Forum of the Twelve Caesars, Megan asks how old Peggy is, and Peggy tells her twenty-six. Megan smiles: "You're doing all right, aren't you?" Lest you're worried that Peggy will get to feel great about herself for more than two seconds, a very pregnant Trudy emerges from within just as Megan leaves and, apparently having overheard the last bit of their chat, compliments her on her birthday. Peggy asks how she's doing, and Trudy tells her most of her time is spent in bed or going to the bathroom, but having the baby kick her is still an incredible feeling. Peggy jokingly asks if that's any different from living with Pete, and Trudy smiles that she's witty. "I always assumed that, but it turns out it's true!" Heh. Peggy asks if she's going to watch the fight, and Trudy, hilariously putting her white gloves back on as she says this, tells Peggy that she is, and she's been watching boxing since she was a little girl. "My father loves blood sport." Too bad he wasn't at the SC July 4th celebration back in '63. Megan returns to tell Peggy that Don is looking for her, so she and Trudy head out, but not before Trudy, apparently having overheard the last bit of Peggy and Megan's chat, turns back to wish her a happy birthday and tell her that "twenty-six is still...very young." Oh, Trudy. I don't think she has a bitchy bone in her body, but still -- no one asked. Peggy, for her part, doesn't bother with any undignified response about how she has a boyfriend, which given imminent events is definitely just as well.
When the two of them emerge from the restroom, we see the boys are waiting for Trudy, and the camera of course has to give a close-up of Pete's "Oh, shit, what did they talk about?" reaction, like, after that spectacle at the end of "The Rejected" you can seriously give it a rest, show. Trudy tells the boys she wants a rare steak and to see "those two men pound each other," and after Ken explains that they haven't cast his wife yet...I mean, "Cynthia's at the restaurant," the Creative boys see Peggy heading for Don's office, and after Joey mutters "Don't go in there" like he's watching the doomed female protagonist of a slasher flick, the three of them hightail it out of there before they get roped into working late too. At Don's office, Peggy says she was just leaving, but after some Miss Blankenship Wacky Hijinx that are possibly getting just a little old but do include a discussion of the call to California, Don tells Peggy to get in there. Peggy asks why Don doesn't talk to Joan about getting rid of Miss Blankenship, but Don says no: "Joan knew exactly what I needed and made sure that I got it." Well, at least he's willingly accepting his punishment, I guess. He asks where they are on Samsonite, and though Peggy says they'll have something for him in the morning, he insists on a little preview, so she concedes that she can spare a minute. When she heads back to her office to get the sketches, she sees that the place is now a ghost town, and after she starts to take off her coat, she resolutely puts it back on, like, she is not staying for more than five minutes. She's just so cute sometimes. Given where they end up, I'm not going to bother telling you about Peggy's three ideas; suffice it to say that Don's comment on the first one includes the word "bullshit," and things go downhill from there. He tells her they're going to hammer it out right now, and when she can't suppress an "Uch" of disgust, he wonders if she was going to call him from some bar with an idea. "You think elves do this?" It'd be fun if they did. They'd have such cute little storyboards! Peggy seethes that he's just going to change whatever she comes up with anyway, and, ignoring Don's "EXCUSE me?" she stomps off...
...to call the restaurant and tell Mark she "got drawn into his web," but she assures him she won't be too long. Unfortunately, she's basing that on the now-erroneous notion that Don is going to watch the fight, and more unfortunately, unbeknownst to her, Mark has arranged a surprise dinner for her with her mother, sister Anita, sister's husband Gerry, and the heretofore-unseen roommate, who's like "Surprise, surprise" when Mark tells the table Peggy got held up. Hey, roomie, leave the bitching about Peggy to the pros. And I don't mean me -- I mean her mother. Speaking of her family, Peggy's mom and Gerry engage in some tiresome talk about the prices and who's going to pay, and while I think Mark's utterly wrong for Peggy I do feel a little bad for him, even though the social hell he's currently enduring is of his own making. But it's the least you can do for the girl who gave you her virginity, right?
Peggy is back in Don's office, and after he shoots down a couple more of her ideas, he asks her if she likes Ali, and she admits that he's very handsome. Don says he doesn't think so, and Peggy replies, "You're not supposed to. I remember my mother talking about Nat King Cole in a way that made my father throw out all his records." Kind of astute of her, but she did just turn twenty-six. Don says Ali's got a big mouth, and imitates him: "'I'm the greatest.' Not if you have to say it." Someone's forgotten the interview he gave to The Wall Street Journal. Don, by the way, is at least half in the bag here, not that that's a surprise, and he talks about Liston's workmanlike approach before suggesting a boxing-themed ad: "Three classes of suitcase; featherweight, middleweight, heavyweight. For whatever class you're in." Peggy, showing she still has some hardening to do, doesn't use the word "bullshit" in response, but does wonder how the concept would translate to TV. "What's the story?" Don asks if she doesn't like it, but Peggy, belatedly seeing her opportunity, fakely says she loves it. "That's what we should do." Heh. Don's direct line then rings, and Peggy goes to get it even though Don, thinking it's California again, tells her to let it ring, but it's only Roger, who tells her to put Don on. She tries to claim he's not there, getting this response: "I'm gonna count to three, and then I'm gonna start saying a lot of words you don't like, sweetheart." I'll suggest "No ring on that finger?" as a good place to start. Don picks up, and Roger begs him to come save him; he's been sneaking off to a nearby bar because Freddy and Cal are "self so righteous" (heh), but Don is unmoved, and hangs up with a "Goodnight, sweetheart." Given what we hear on Roger's tapes later, I wonder if there's something about he and Don once having a drunken swordfight. Peggy then goes to get her own phone, and it's Mark, who bites out that it's been almost an hour, and when Peggy can't commit to leaving, he's forced to tell her he's got her whole family there, "and the only way you can make it worse is by not coming at all." Hee. The poor fetus doesn't have much in common with the Bay Ridge crowd. Chastened, Peggy says she'll be there right away...
...but when she returns to Don's office to tell him she's taking off, he's second-guessing his idea, worried that they're abandoning the toughness angle. Having had just about enough, Peggy builds up a head of steam before saying that she was supposed to be at dinner an hour ago, and it's her birthday. Don, reasonably enough, asks why she didn't tell him, and when she angrily tells him that she thought what they're doing would only take a second, he asks if he's supposed to feel sick that he ruined her birthday, and wonders if she knows when his birthday is. Peggy: "I was your secretary!" Miss Blankenship or no, I'll take that as a yes. Don drunkenly tells her to get over birthdays and get gone, and she obliges on the second part...
...only to hesitate at the elevator. Oh, Peggy! When Trudy said twenty-six was still very young, she didn't really mean it!
Cut to Mark getting another call, and Peggy tells him that she won't be able to make it at all, adding that no one asked him to do this. Now the angry flip, Peggy? That's beneath you, but you'll get your punishment, as after Mark blurts that she told him she'd never had a surprise for her birthday, Peggy's mother has had enough of this crap and grabs the phone, chewing her daughter out for not appreciating the fact that a nice boy likes her. When Mark gets back on, Peggy apologizes again, especially for the part where he had to spend an evening with her mother, but Mark won't be placated, so Peggy goes on the offensive once more, saying that her mother has never even had a job so obviously couldn't understand, and by the way, he used her birthday "to get in good with a bunch of people who drive me crazy!" Mark asks if he should have invited Don, then, since she never stands him up, and the way the family peanut gallery exchanges "Ooh, girl" side-eyes at that one suggests their evening hasn't been a complete loss. He adds that he's into the evening for forty bucks already, so if she doesn't mind, he's going to enjoy his dinner, but when she mutters that she can't believe he's going to stay, that's it -- he dumps her and hangs up. Anita assures him that it'll be fine: "Couples fight. Ask Gerry." In a hilariously somber manner, Gerry nods, and I don't know that I could stand to be a regular viewer, but if they gave these folks a spin-off I'd watch at least an episode or two.
Peggy comes marching back into Don's office and goes straight to pour herself a drink as she tells Don she thinks she just broke up with Mark. Well, that's not quite how I heard it, but the point is really that she and the fetus are no longer an item, so I won't dwell on it. Don suggests she go home, but Peggy says no -- she's there to work. Don picks up on her tone, subtle like a piercing siren as it is, and asks if this is his fault, and she acidly replies that it certainly isn't because of her that he has no family or friends or anywhere to go. Don elects not to take offense, instead telling her again to go, but she says she has to be there, "because of some stupid idea from Danny, who you had to hire because you stole his other stupid idea because you were drunk." All true and stuff she's said before, but Don's not so easy to beat down when he hasn't been on a weekend-long bender, and tells her not to get personal, "and by the way, I know it kills you, but guess what? There is no 'Danny's idea.' Everything that comes in here belongs to the agency." Well, at least until it throws things around your office in a crying fit and quits. Peggy brings it around to the heart of her resentment, the Glo-Coat ad, and Don can't believe it, as he claims she gave him twenty ideas and he picked out a kernel of one that became that commercial. Peggy loudly demurs, saying that he changed it just enough so that it was his, and when he argues that her idea wouldn't have worked as a commercial (it would have involved shooting the kid in a dark closet), her voice breaks as she points out her got the Clio for it, and he never thanks her. He's had enough, though, barking that she gets paid for her ideas, and is young and will get recognition in time, and by the way, it's ridiculous for her to be counting her ideas when she's such a short way into her career. "Everything to you is an opportunity. And you should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus, for giving you another day!" My guess is she's not going to start tomorrow. Peggy's face breaks, which is Kryptonite even to Don, and as she rushes out in tears, he calls after her that he's sorry about her boyfriend. Peggy pushes past the janitor into the restroom and, regarding herself in the mirror, completely breaks down -- we're talking wracking sobs here -- and aside from just the general shock at seeing her lose it, it's such a contrast from that similar iconic shot from the beginning of the series where she willed herself into not breaking down in front of the bathroom mirror. I can't believe there's still half the episode to go, but if they're willing to do it I'm certainly willing to write about it.
Sometime later, Don is recording some ideas for Samsonite when his tape runs out; when we cut to him poking around in a drawer in someone else's office, he sees a mouse scurry by. We then go back to him putting another tape into the recorder...
...and then, when we cut to Peggy, we hear his muffled voice calling her to join him. She initially refuses, hilariously petulantly, but he's insistent, and when we cut to her sullenly coming to his door, she finds him cracking up. A sense of intrigue temporarily overcomes her bad mood, and when she takes a seat she's not disappointed, as somehow when he was looking for a tape (possibly in Caroline's desk?), Don came across Roger's memoirs, and I remember thinking on first viewing that this was going to be good. Wow, did I have no idea. Roger is apparently calling his offering "Sterling's Gold" (oh, Roger), earning a hilarious WTF face from Peggy, and then we get to the really good stuff, as Roger says that Bertram hated him, and he first thought it was because Bertram thought Roger would be a staunch ally of his father, but it was actually because of his prowess with the ladies, including some time spent with "the queen of perversions, his secretary Ida Blankenship." Peggy literally gasps at this, as well she might, and she and Don silently giggle as Roger goes on that Bertram was "cut down in the height of his sexual prime by an unnecessary orchiectomy. Lyle Evans M.D. -- I think he had him killed." Oh, my God, too much information! And by that I don't mean I'm squeamish about anything Roger said -- it's just that the information is coming way too fast for my poor brain to process. Miss Blankenship used sex toys with Roger! Bertram is a eunuch! What am I supposed to do with this information? Oh, I know: HA HA HA! And I was at first wondering why Roger brought up Dr. Evans two episodes ago, but then it occurred to me that he was pointing out to Bertram that he himself has held a grudge for quite some time. Of course, he might have also been saying that Bertram's stance on the Japanese meant he had no balls, but I'll choose to believe even Roger isn't quite tasteless enough to intentionally go there to his face. But seriously: No balls! I'd take up Eastern philosophy too, I have to admit. Roger babbles drunkenly for a bit longer before Don clicks the machine off, and Peggy asks why he's laughing: "It's like reading someone's diary!" Honey, I think all but the most sensitive diary-keepers would admit that you just answered your own question. Don, however, explains it to her: "Ida was a hellcat? Cooper lost his balls? Roger's writing a book?" However funny you think the rest of the stuff may or may not be, I think we can all agree that Roger writing memoirs is the single funniest thing that has happened in the history of ever, and as such it's no surprise that Peggy can't stifle a giggle. Don gives her a drink, but she puts on her sullen mask again and says she should go; however, when Don encourages her to open up, she only hesitates for a moment before she complains that she and Mark were supposed to have a romantic candlelit dinner, and instead he invites her mother? "He doesn't know me. It's not my fault." She says she's back to square one, and hilariously and kind of adorably gives a faux-enthusiastic smile about being "Single!" Don: "Well, as Danny would say, there's no use crying over fish in the sea." HA! Poor Danny. This gets a real laugh from Peggy, but moments later she gives a cry of fright as she sees the mouse from before, or at least that's what we all hope. Don looks for it for a while, but it's gone, prompting him to tell Peggy, "There's a way out of this room we don't know about." Peggy doesn't ask him what the hell he's talking about/on, and she's saved from thinking about it by the phone in her office ringing, which she declines to answer. Instead, Don offers to take her out for her birthday...
...and we cut to a diner, which makes me hope that either Don isn't a total creature of habit or that this is Doris's night off. Don asks what the most exciting thing about a suitcase is, and Peggy suggests it's the promise of travel, pointing out the cheapo painting of the Acropolis on the wall, prompting Don to tell her he'd like to go to Greece. "I hear all the good cooks stayed there." Heh. Peggy says she'd love to go on a plane for the first time, and Don recalls when he flew to Korea and they told the soldiers how many thousands of feet up in the air they were, freaking out some kid who was "even more of a yokel" than Don and prompting this hick-y exclamation: "Man wasn't meant to fly!" That kid's going to be fun to have around at a moon landing party. Peggy laughs, and then whispers, "Cooper has no testicles?" It does take a few times for it to really sink in. Don tells her his Uncle Mac said he always had a suitcase packed, because a man had to be ready to go at all times. He then pauses, and wonders, "Jesus, maybe it's a metaphor." HA! I'll go one better and suggest it'd be hilarious if Don's precious hobo code came out of something entirely unintended, like, maybe Mac was extolling the virtues of stool softener or some homemade version of Cialis. Peggy, however, opines that there's something to the idea before sighing that she can't tell the difference anymore between a good idea and a bad one, and Don admits that they can be very close, but you know the best one when you see it. "You keep banging your head against the wall, then it happens." I'm hoping that's a metaphor too, because Don does enough damage to his brain via his executive membership in the Canadian Club. Whatever Don's description is, Peggy likes it, and confesses that she knows what she's supposed to want in life, but she can't make it fit for her: "It just never feels right. Or as important as anything in that office." Another example of the Dr. Faye-expressed seasonal theme of people's true desires starting to overcome the expectations that other people and society put on them. Peggy then offers that she didn't know that Don was in Korea, and asks if he killed anyone; Don tells her no, but he did see some people die in front of him. He doesn't tell her that one of the people was named Don Draper, but that's a conversation that can wait until she makes partner. Peggy tells Don that her dad died of a heart attack right in front of her when she was twelve, and it was pretty violent. "The TV was on -- that's why I hate sports." I'm glad she didn't say she hates TV, because I want to believe we have a few things in common. Peggy goes on that no one was around, and I could see where this type of experience might, you know, shake your faith a little. Not disproving my point, Don admits that he witnessed his father's death as well, telling her how he died at the hands...well, feet, of a horse. Peggy laughs for a moment, assuming he's kidding, but when she clues in that he's not, asks about his mother, and Don replies that he never knew her. He doesn't bring up the world's oldest profession or how he got his original given name, but again, Peggy's only twenty-six and there's plenty of time for that. Looking back up at the painting, Peggy wonders why there's a dog in the Parthenon, and Don's realization that it's a roach is enough to send them, er, scurrying out of there.
Peggy and Don have retired to a bar, and as they hear the fight on the radio, Peggy tells Don she hates dating. "I'm terrible at it." Oh good, there's that commonality with Peggy I was looking for. Don tells her she's cute as hell, which opens the door for her to let him know that "everybody" thinks Peggy slept with Don to get her copywriter job, and I have to disagree -- I think "everybody" thinks they were doing it well before that was even on the table. Peggy's real issue, though, is that people joke about it like it's such a comical mismatch, and I think she's giving too much weight to Stan's comments, but given that I think "any" is too much maybe I'm the wrong person to weigh in here. Don says it isn't because she's not attractive, just that he has to keep rules about work, and it's nice that he doesn't even try to claim it was because he was married, although given some of the things he's done that Peggy's been witness to, it would have been so disingenuous as to be hilarious. Peggy points out his recent transgression in that department by bringing up Allison, although she does it in an amusingly oblique way, and Don elects neither to discuss how that was just one necessary step in his Season Four descent nor to point out that what happened with Allison is the best possible illustration of why he should never violate that rule, instead saying that he's sure Peggy doesn't want to start giving him morality lessons, which seems like a fairly cheap comeback given that he doesn't know the first thing about the circumstances by which she became pregnant. She's not offended, though, instead taking the opportunity to confess that her mother thinks Don fathered her child, as he was the only person to come visit her in the hospital, and she hates him. Don, after momentarily reflecting on how good deeds never go unpunished, asks if Peggy knows who the father is, and Peggy tells him of course, but declines to enlighten him, and instead of asking who it is, he goes to the place of common ground in terms of the fact that they both have terrible secrets by inquiring if she ever thinks about it. She tells him she tries not to, but sometimes it comes up out of nowhere, and singles out playgrounds as a particularly strong trigger. At this point, the volume escalates on the radio because the infamous phantom punch has just taken place, and the bar patrons drunkenly shout for Liston to get up, of course to no avail, and after the fight is officially called, some guy to Don starts complaining about the fix already, which just goes to show that you didn't need the internet to spread conspiracy theories. It does make it easier, though. In disgust over the hundred bucks he just lost in the space of two minutes, Don gets up, saying they'll just pack up at the office and then go home...
...but as they get in the doors of SCDP, Don is not feeling so great, and Peggy has to guide him to the bathroom. There's a funny moment when she pauses uncertainly in front of the restrooms, not sure which one to pick given their mixed company, but she opts for the men's room, which I think is the obvious choice for purely selfish reasons, given what's about to happen. Don staggers into a stall and retches rather loudly and profusely, and all I can say it's a good thing he uses so much Brylcreem, as it's obviating the need for Peggy to hold his hair back. As Don continues voiding his stomach, Peggy looks at the outside of the first stall, which reads, "For a good time, call Caroline." There's no number with it and it looks like someone who was seeing triple wrote it; throw in the required maturity level and all signs point to Roger. Once the tsunami has been downgraded to intermittent waves, Peggy asks if she can get Don water or toothpaste or anything, but someone calling her name from off-screen quickly diverts her attention...
...and when she emerges from the bathroom, she sees Duck wandering drunkenly about. She follows him into Roger's office, in which she finds him farting (awesome episode for the sound designers) and taking down his pants and squatting as he explains he's "leaving Draper a little present." I hope SCDP has a lot of money budgeted for custodial staff Christmas tips. Peggy is able to stem the tide of disgusting bodily output by telling Duck that it's Roger's office, not Don's, although given their business relationship I'm kind of surprised Duck didn't let fly anyway. He manages to refasten his pants, but it hardly helps make him appear any more dignified as he babbles that he needs Peggy. We learn that he spoke to her roommate, who told him she was still at work, and also that he's the one that made the call she ignored right before she and Don went out to dinner. Speaking of Don, he's made it out of the bathroom, although not without some vomit on his shirt, and when he sees Peggy and Duck heading for the elevator, he asks what's going on. Duck immediately jumps, or drunkenly staggers, to the wrong conclusion, and after he spills the beans about his past relationship with Peggy (although he says "We were in love," which is at least half debatable), he says that as it turns out, Peggy's just another whore. Don, of course, takes a swing in defense of Peggy's honor, but whichever Duck he tried to hit isn't one that's actually there, and Duck quickly gets Don on the floor and threateningly tells him he killed seventeen men in Okinawa. He doesn't add "just to watch them die," which is a lost opportunity to my way of thinking, and Don, looking like this burst of physical activity is enough to send him to the bathroom stall again, gives, like, he literally says "Uncle." After everyone's back standing, Peggy starts to follow Duck to the elevator, but spares a look back to see Don wearily trudging into his office. Peggy, I don't care if your mother was there -- that dinner has got to be looking better now.
Sometime later, Don's sitting forlornly on his office couch when Peggy returns, saying she got rid of Duck and asking if he's okay. Don says yes before returning the question, and Peggy starts to launch into a stilted explanation about her and Duck before Don stops her and says she doesn't have to explain. She smiles, probably at his proven but long-untested ability not to judge her about non-work-related things, but when he asks if she'll get him a drink, she brings herself to wonder aloud how long he's going to go on like this. He declines to answer, instead explaining the necessity for this particular libation: "I have to make a phone call, and I know it's going to be bad, okay?" Peggy nods, perhaps flashing back to the mention of the California call earlier, and asks if he wants to be alone, but he simply repeats his request for a drink, and she obliges him. Once she elects to join him on the couch, though, he slides his head into her lap and whispers that he's sorry if he embarrassed her, but she merely shushes him and takes a sip of the drink she made for him as he drifts off to sleep. It's easy to overlook with such big scenes coming, but this one and the one in the bar were positively incandescent, with so much expressed by both of them with typically Spartan amounts of dialogue. A quick cross fade into a close-up of the phone...
...leads to another one, as Don is awoken by footsteps while Peggy is now fast asleep with her arm resting on his shoulder. When the shot turns around, we see a spectral image of a happy and healthy-looking Anna, a blue suitcase in her hand, and I have to tell you on first viewing I thought this was going to be an inspiration for a "You can take it with you"-themed or some such Samsonite ad. You can imagine how happy I was to be mistaken. Spectral Anna seems to see Don, and regards him lovingly for several moments before turning and fading away as she walks. Don seems to understand what this means, but he opts for a few more hours of peaceful uncertainty by closing his eyes and going back to sleep. Those of us without that option at least have the commercial break to pull ourselves together.
When we return, it's early morning, and Don awakens again and this time gets up from Peggy's lap, seeming to recall everything that happened as he does. He sits at his desk, contemplating his action for a moment...
...and then we cut to a ringing phone, which Stephanie, in her bathrobe, answers. When Don indentifies himself, Stephanie doesn't waste any time -- Anna's gone. Don whispers that he knows, and raspily manages to ask if Anna wanted to talk to him, but Stephanie mercifully tells him she wasn't lucid at the end. Don takes a few more moments and then says he's coming out to make arrangements, but Stephanie tells him there's no need -- Anna left her body to science. "She said that she wanted to go to UCLA medical school, tuition-free." Don smiles at this last example of her devil-may-care attitude, and then repeats his intention to come out, saying he'll take care of the house, but Stephanie says she was thinking of staying there for a bit and taking some time off from school, if that's okay with him. Just about ready to break down, he says that's fine, and when she, whose eyes by the way betray that she is not doing so great on her end of the phone even though she's holding it together for him, says Anna's in a better place, he does that thing where you screw up your face in about eighteen different ways as you try not to cry before choking out, "That's what they say." You guys, this isn't as funny as the part about Miss Blankenship being a dominatrix. Stephanie finally says she has to go, as it's been a long day, and after they disconnect, Don looks over and sees that Peggy is now awake. He then proceeds to completely lose it, much to her understandable shock, but after a few moments he stops completely sobbing, so she takes the opening to ask what happened, and he tells her someone very important to him died. She closes her eyes in sympathy for a moment before asking who it was, and he cries as he replies, "The only person in the world who really knew me." He may be too distraught to realize that he's asking for something here, but Peggy is all too aware of it, and she comes close and rubs his back: "That's not true." I don't know what to do -- I'm supposed to make jokes here? Sometimes I think "without pity" needs a few footnotes. Don tells her to go home, and that he'll be fine, and she does oblige him but not without first saying how sorry she is...
...and then, we see her by the elevator, but once again, she can't get on it. Instead, she goes back into her office and lies down on the couch, and I guess she thinks that if Don can get by without a shower, it'll be no problem at all for her. The office light shows it understands irony by automatically flipping on for the day at that moment, and Peggy puts her head down...
...only to be woken up by Stan blowing a whistle in an impression of a football coach. He, Joey, and Danny laugh, possibly at the complete mess her hair is at the moment, as they tell her it's ten-thirty, and after enduring their banter for a few moments, she heads out...
...to see Don, who looks fresh as a daisy. He explains that he "spruced up," which is a bit of an understatement if you ask me or anyone else, and then has her come over to the desk and take a look at his new idea; on the right, he has the Daily News front page with a now-famous picture of Ali standing over a supine Liston, and to it, he's sketched a play on the photo in which a Samsonite stands tall over a battered American Tourister or whatever, with "The Champ" written as the headline. Peggy's like, "Great, time can we not start the brainstorming until a major sporting event happens?" In a nice reversal, she nitpicks the idea for a bit, but when he asks why she's shitting on it, she confesses that she's just tired, and opines that it's very good. Intently looking at her, he clasps her hand into his in a gesture that both thanks her for being there for him and cements her as the New Only Person That Knows Him, and after she smiles at him for a bit, he hands her the sketch and tells her, "Give it to Joey...no, Stan." Heh. He says she should then go home and shower before returning and giving him ten taglines, and she happily leaves, but not before asking if he wants the door open or closed, and he replies, "Open." Simon and Garfunkel sing "Bleecker Street" as we go to closing credits, and we're left to wonder if Don will no longer feel quite so alone. See you time.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. You can email him at couchbaron@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron and https://twitter.com/eastfifthbliss.
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