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Pete learns that Peggy is writing copy, and offers to take a look at it for her. Before he can, though, the boys in the office give him shit for being whipped, and the ladies and the smarmy friend he meets when returning a gift on behalf of his wife do nothing to buttress his ego. In pursuit of that goal, he buys a shotgun. "Well" is not how I expect that to end, especially when his wife freaks out about the exchange. Peggy then comes in to hand off her copy, and Pete accepts it, but not before going off about hunting in a way that gets Peggy's mannered Bay Ridge juices flowing. Cooper informs Roger that Nixon's people will be coming in at the end of the week, leading to the boys having a brainstorming session about the Kennedy issue. Pete actually has his finger on the pulse in regard to Kennedy's appeal more than anyone else there, but he's unsurprisingly ignored.
Don checks in with the shrink, who tells him that Betty's emotional expression is childlike. This doesn't put him in the greatest frame of mind about her, and things get worse: Roger tries to get Joan to go away with him on the spur of the moment, but she's not having it, so he takes Don out for drinks instead. After a few, Don invites Roger back to his house for dinner; Betty is not thrilled with that development, but makes it work, at least food-wise. Unfortunately, when Don goes to the garage to get more booze, Roger takes the opportunity to hit on Betty, so after he decides to drive home on the eight highways he's undoubtedly seeing, Don blames Betty for leading Roger on, and Betty uses his jealousy/possessiveness/unwillingness to lose a round to Roger against him. Well, at least we know he's capable of some reaction. The day, Roger obliquely apologizes, and Don just as obliquely accepts, but the damage is done, and Don doesn't let Betty off the hook he created in his mind. Betty then runs into Helen in the market, who confronts her about the lock of hair she gave her son, and Betty slaps her in response. Honey! Roger and Don then get hammered without the complicating presence of females; meanwhile, Betty's preggers friend Francine drops by and asks her about the slap incident, and Betty confesses that she doesn't know what happened. Francine tells her how sweet and perfect she seems, which is both news to Betty and an excuse to bring up her dead mother and her issues about beauty again, like, DOUBLE THE THERAPY. Betty also confesses that she enjoys being admired by men other than her husband, although that doesn't excuse Roger in my book. In the end, a busted elevator forces Don and Roger to climb twenty-plus flights of stairs; it seems like Roger is going to have a heart attack, but he only ends up projectile vomiting in front of the Nixon clients, which is an enjoyably different, if gross, dramatic choice. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Just to get it out of the way, last time I asserted rather definitively that Don was Jewish, thinking that the episode theme was finally revealing the familial secret he's been keeping so desperately. I realize now that I jumped to conclusions -- while I still think that's where the show is going, the evidence is shaded, at the very least, so until the show lets us in on it, let's just say the jury is still out as to what Don is hiding. Sorry!
So the Jew/Gentile in question has just placed a call to his wife's shrink, Dr. Wayne, to whom he apologizes, saying he knows he's supposed to call at night, but he hasn't been alone. I wonder if that's his way of saying Midge is really stingy with her phone. Don inquires about Betty, too-hopefully asking if she's making progress, but the doctor tells him that it's only been a short period in therapeutic time, and Betty isn't particularly forthcoming yet. "Mostly she seems consumed with petty jealousies and overwhelmed with everyday activities." I think Betty's hanging out with the wrong crowd, because among most people I know, she'd fit right in. The doc goes on that Betty's emotions are juvenile, and Don looks a little beside himself as he says she wasn't always like this. I think we're being subtly informed of just how much Betty relied on her mother, and the doc agrees that the death of a parent can be "extremely destabilizing." Don's unsympathetic, but that's probably because his happiest dreams are the ones in which he runs over his parents with a backhoe. The doc says that as they continue, they'll hopefully get to shed some light on Betty's deeper issues. Don: "There are deeper issues?" Not everyone's a print ad, ass, and I choose to believe that the doc's response of "These are not groundbreaking revelations, Mr. Draper" is his way of saying the same. Slightly chastened, Don says he's concerned, and the doc, not unkindly but in a businesslike manner, says that he recommends they stay the course, and reminds Don that evenings are better for him to talk. Don looks very worried, at least for him, as he hangs up.
Close-up on Roger pouring some milk into a glass as he assures his wife via the telephone that he is drinking it; what she doesn't know is that he tops it off with some vodka, and what I wouldn't give to share her ignorance of that revelation. Seriously, I have enough of a hard time believing that the boozy Walker family can regularly get out of bed and make it to work, but the drinking on this show is beyond the pale. I understand it's the point, but I got it before the vodka in milk, MY GOD.
Anyway, we can deduce from the bespectacled Roger's end of the conversation that Mona is taking a last-minute trip out of town, and Roger orders her to bring Margaret with her; Bertram then enters, so Roger disconnects, and Bertram tells him that "the Nixon boys" are going to be stopping in at the end of the week. Roger asks if Nixon himself is coming. Bertram: "No, thank God, otherwise I'd have to move the piano out of my office." HA! Actually, if you have three minutes and want a more complete picture, check this out. It's not as funny as if W. had been caught on camera playing the nose flute, but it will do until that happy day arrives. Bertram flops down and hopes aloud that Nixon's people decide they need Sterling Cooper, and then scolds Roger for smoking so much: "It's a sign of weakness!" Dude, I don't know if that's the word I would use, given that smoking even one of those unfiltereds would be enough to kill me dead. Bertram, however, goes on Hitler scored all that appeasement at Munich by holding their meeting in an old palace that forbade cigarettes: "After an hour and a half of not smoking, Neville Chamberlain would have given Hitler his mother as a dance partner." Thinking of Hitler dancing is taking me to a Mel Brooks kind of place, which is probably not what Bertram intended. Roger, for his part, is unmoved by the story, so Bertram gets up to go with a "Good night, Peanut." Don't know if there's a story or a reference there. Nonetheless: Hee.
And it is in fact time to say good night, as Paul, Ken, and a couple randoms are heading out, with Paul announcing, "Last one to Chumley's gets to wheel Kenneth Cosgrove, published author, home in a baby carriage." Having seen Ken, I wouldn't call that the hardship assignment Paul is making it out to be. Joan, with a valise on the desk in front of her, watches them go with mild contempt, and then Roger comes out and sidles up behind her. She sees him, though, in the mirror she's using to touch up her makeup, and he dishes about Mona and Margaret going away, adding that Mona's mother fell down the steps. Joan: "You're really blessed!" Joan just went up a notch in my book -- I always appreciate a character who does some of my work for me. Roger invites her to come to his place, but Joan is clearly not into the idea, and then a blonde woman joins them, whom Joan introduces as her roommate Carol. From Carol's goofy reaction, either she knows about Joan and Roger, or she wants to bed him herself. Not that the two are mutually exclusive. Roger asks "Miss Holloway" for a private word about an "accounting question," but once they're out of earshot, he tells her that another time, the two of them can go away, maybe to Puerto Rico? Joan: "I don't care if it's Cuba. I need a little notice." I sympathize, girl, but you still might want to see the place while you have the chance. Roger good-naturedly tells the girls to have fun. I don't know; this is why I said in the last recap I don't see this relationship as tragic -- to me, that means that both participants want more but can't get it, and while Roger sort of tepidly (and I don't really believe him) expresses that desire, Joan is quite clear that this is as far as she wants things to go. They can be tragic figures individually, but that's a separate issue, to me. Anyway.
Don, glass of something in hand, is admonishing (not all that nicely, it should be said) Peggy not to stay late just to milk dinner money out of them. Roger then comes up and asks Don what he's doing that night, and after some maybe unnecessary business with Peggy mistakenly answering the question, Don tries to beg off, saying Betty's cooking, but Roger prevails on him to have "one drink." Pete then comes up: "Did I miss something?" Any cue that you're wanted in this conversation, not that I'd guess that's ever stopped you before. Roger smoothly says he and Don talk all the time when Pete's not around. "In fact, we're gonna do it right now." Hee. He then wishes "Paul" a good night, and as they walk away, he confesses to a chuckling Don, "I love doing that." Roger, you just caught up with Joan in points scored this episode. Pete, choosing to take that as good-natured ribbing when in fact it was complete contempt, turns to Peggy and asks why she's there so late, and she tells him about the copy she's writing for the lipstick account. Hildy, a female worker who I believe we've seen before, then approaches and tells Pete that his wife called from the Four Seasons, and they've been seated. Before he goes, though, Pete offers to take a look at Peggy's work. "I do it for a lot of the fellas." Peggy's like, "Really?" Listen to your instincts, girl. However, when Pete assures her that he's telling the truth, she gladly accepts his offer. For someone who's supposed to be smarter than your average woman, this sure is a boneheaded move. I mean, giving people the benefit of the doubt is one thing, but trusting a guy who raided your boss's wastebasket for ideas is pushing naïve to another level.
At a crowded establishment, jaunty piano music plays. Roger and Don are squeezed in at the bar; Roger is talking shop, but then gets distracted by two pretty young things making eyes at him. Talk turns to food, with Roger not-so-subtly insinuating that he'd love a home-cooked meal, so Don invites him to dinner, and Roger offers to drive: "It'll save you a train trip." It'll also probably save you the rest of your life, but as we all know, your agency's research does show that society has a death wish. Don goes to call Betty, and as he does, the girls' tracking eyes make it clear that they're interested in Don, not him. Roger looks glum. I'd suggest you hit on the more age-appropriate Betty, but that would be grossly inappropriate, don't you think?
Betty answers the phone, dressed only in undergarments. She anxiously tells Don that she hopes he's coming home, but it's good news/bad news for her, as she's not sure she has enough food. Don basically tells "Bertie" that he has no choice about Roger coming over, and gets hung up on as a result...
...and sometime later, the men are chowing down on steak (each with a glass of wine and a martini, in case you've got the staggering task of keeping track of the alcohol consumption) as Betty nibbles away on vegetables. You see, Betty, a capable housewife keeps extra steak on hand for those times when her husband's boss thoughtlessly invites himself over for dinner. Get in the game, here! Betty deflects by telling Roger that she goes vegetarian sometimes, prompting Roger to mention that Mona is always calorie-counting. Betty suggests that maybe Mona is trying to look good for him, and Roger at least has the manners not to laugh in her face. Betty tells a story about how she was pudgy as a girl but dropped a lot of weight without even meaning to, and credits swim camp for the change. Roger takes the cue and talks about night swimming, which Betty enjoys, and goes on that sometimes he even did it naked. There's definitely a lot more eye contact between Roger and Betty here than maybe you'd expect; of course, they are sitting across from each other at the table, but on repeated viewings, and given Betty's discussion with Francine later, I don't think Don is completely imagining things here. Don jokes that he used to swim in a quarry, but Roger comments that from the way he drops his Gs sometimes, he assumed that Don was raised on a farm. Don takes a long moment to try to figure out if Roger is really busting him here, and then suggests a commercial break, "brought to you by more liquor." My God, my liver just flared up in sympathy. At least, I think that's what that was.
Fade to later, as many, many cigarettes have been consumed, and Don is serving a chocolate cake that has "Mommy And Daddy" written on it in white icing. I think after this episode, the words "Fight A Lot" are going to be added to future baked goods, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Betty explains that Sally got a frosting machine, and Roger remarks that Sally writes like her father -- "simple, to the point, colloquial." Good thing he's talking about the style, because I doubt Don has used the words "Mommy" or "Daddy" in his entire life. Roger lights his and Betty's cigarettes but tells Don to get his own, citing the "three on a match" rule, and Betty, who's definitely seeming a bit lit here, asks for an explanation. Roger gives the traditional wisdom about trench warfare that everyone knows, but Don suggests that ad men came up with that story as a way to sell matches. Roger: "You tell your kids there's no Santa Claus?" Probably. Betty rubs Don's shoulder and disagrees with me, saying he'd never do that, and then asks Roger to tell another story, but a true one. Roger says that his father was in the trenches, but presumably since that was in World War I, he used a bayonet. We get some clarification that Roger was in World War II, while Don served in Korea, and Betty tells Roger Don never talks about the war. Roger chats a bit about serving in the South China Sea. "The Pacific was all about gasoline. People forget that." Yes, I personally have certainly never heard of such a thing. Roger then tells a war story that basically boils down to him taking his unit after a recon plane that, from the sound of it, was pretty defenseless; they shot the guy down, and even went to check on the wreckage afterward. Don notes that Roger got a medal in the war, but Roger says it wasn't for that. "It was for drinking." And never was a medal better earned. The salient point here is that Roger asserts that people who served in Korea, like Don, will never live up to the glory of people who served in WWII, like him.
Holding up the empty (!) bottle of vodka, Roger asks if anything can be done about it, so Don goes to check the garage as Betty clears the table. Roger follows her, and wastes no time in putting his arms around her waist. After a few seconds, she somewhat weakly tells him to stop; it doesn't excuse him by any means, but in the interest of accurate reporting, I feel obliged to say that she could be discouraging him more firmly. Roger grossly keeps hitting on Betty until they hear the door and break apart, and Don reenters, looking like maybe he's got a read on the room, but he doesn't say anything to that effect. Roger grabs the vodka and heads back into the dining room, and Don and Betty exchange A Look before Roger calls them back in. Don returns, and Roger says he was just telling Betty how lucky Don is. I suppose that's true, in a manner of speaking. A nauseating manner, but a manner nonetheless. After a long, awkward moment, Roger says he's going to go, and referring to his drink, says, "I'll take this for the road." I made this joke in the recaplet, but -- which one? Roger leaves, pausing at the door to say it was a magical night, and how that didn't come out "mathkll nert" continues to be beyond me. Don watches him go, and then calls, "That's my car!" Hee. And: some effect from all this booze, finally! Don calls, "Lights!" and we hear a squeal of tires. Be afraid, neighborhood felines.
In the kitchen, Don wastes no time in asking Betty what "that" was; her back is to him but we see her face, which sort of gives up that she was expecting to get chewed out. She feigns ignorance, however, so he tells her he could feel the heat when he got back from the garage. She tells him nothing happened, "other than your drunk boss ruining our evening," but he tells her that she made a fool of herself, throwing herself at him by giggling at his stories; she in turn says he's nuts, which prompts him to grab her by the arm and seethe that he knows what he saw. Suddenly taking power in the relationship, she calmly asks if he'd like to beat her up: "Would that make you feel better?" Don's face looks like it just downed whatever the opposite of Viagra is. He reaches for the only thing he can think of, saying that sometimes he feels like he's living with a little girl, but she's unbowed, and he leaves the room. Jeez, and I thought last episode was showing us the ugly side of marriage?
An establishing shot of the outside of the building suggests that Sterling Cooper, with its name right by the front door, occupies the whole building, which hardly seems to jibe with where I thought the firm's place in the ad-agency pecking order was. Inside, Pete, carrying a large blue box (maybe from Bergdorf's?), leads Ken and Paul into his office, telling them about dinner with the in-laws at the Four Seasons. In response to Ken's question, he tells them that the box contains a wedding present, a "chip and dip" of which they happened to receive two. He opens up the box and shows them the TACKIEST little thing: a glazed ceramic bowl in the shape of two cabbage leaves to hold the chips, and a small "tomato" in the middle for the dip. I could, and in fact did, make better-looking stuff in a pottery class I took when I was eight. Ken and Paul rightly laugh, but they're jumping the gun, because the real hilarity is that the thing cost twenty-two dollars. Now, I seem to remember a couple episodes back that Pete makes seventy-five dollars a week; we're really to believe that that piece of tack-ola costs well more than what he makes in a day? I know Pete's not really worth all that much, but come on. I mean, I suppose if you guess what Pete would be making these days, the math isn't that far off, if you ignore the fact that I wouldn't even pay twenty-two bucks for that hiddy thing today. Pete says he's going to return the spare, which is the smartest thing I've ever heard him say, but the boys are planning on taking advantage of a free lunch from Freddy's cousin, and suggest that Pete's whipped when he refuses to do the same. Of course, since the wife isn't behind the return, I'm not sure what the hurry is, but maybe Pete's really feeling a financial crunch. The boys leave, but not without Paul calling Pete "Mildred." After he's gone, Pete's face is like, "I'll Mildred you!" He really should have a waiting period on his firearm purchases.
Don's in his office when Peggy buzzes and tells him that Roger is there to see him, and Don takes a moment to brace himself before telling her to send him in. Roger enters with a smile and a bottle (rye, Don's favorite, I think) in his hand, and good God, man, do you never stop? But the booze is to replace the one from Don's golf bag, and Roger exposits that he slept in his car before telling Don this: "When a man gets to the point when his name's on the building, he can get an unnatural sense of entitlement." Don asks what that means, and I admit it's vague, but I'm guessing he's not apologizing for bogarting all your wine. Roger tells Don about one time he was extremely drunk -- he drove home, went up to his floor, and tried to open the door, only to realize that it wasn't his building. "I guess what I'm saying is at some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage." I suppose that's why Don rents space all over town. Don neutrally thanks Roger for the bottle, but when that doesn't get rid of him, takes a more conciliatory tone in saying that Betty's going to want the glass back that Roger took. That satisfies Roger, and on his way out, he wink-winkingly says that maybe he should get a case of those. I'm assuming he's referring to the glasses, which would be an apology to Betty, and not the booze, which would be the catalyst to repeat the whole mess.
In line at the returns counter, Pete is surrounded by officious women; one of them says that her husband always preferred drinking at lunch, even when they were newlyweds, and adds, "He's in advertising." A little heavy-handed, show; we already know that Pete's co-workers are having a twelve-martini lunch. The conversation continues in this vein until Pete gets called to the window, and he grandly tells the woman working that he's returning an extra, as he got two. The woman, in a Noo Yawk accent, says that that's why they suggest people register, to avoid duplication. I'm sure he'll keep that in mind for time, which probably won't be any too long in coming. Actually, he somewhat icily says that they did register, but got two anyway, and, in the same tone, says he doesn't have a receipt, as it was a gift. The woman calls over her ostensible superior, with whom Pete tries to banter a bit and gets absolutely nowhere. After some exposition that Pete's wife's maiden name is Vogel, some tall fratty (for the age) guy named "Matherton" calls to Pete; he's getting his tennis racket restrung. The return girl practically glows when she sees him, and again with the heavy-handed; we already know that Pete has feelings of social inadequacy, so it's not really necessary to have salespeople act like he gives off loser pheromones. Even if that is the case. We then have to endure another explanation of the chip and dip, like, TAKE THE DAMN THING BACK ALREADY, GIRL. Matherton then insinuates that he hooked up with Pete's (female) cousin at Pete's wedding, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that, but discussing it with a blood relative of the girl seems perhaps a bit gauche. On the plus side, the girl at the counter has finally stopped staring so adoringly at him that you'd think he was Fabian. No, there she goes again after Matherton hits on her before taking his leave, and then she's all business again as, due to the lack of a receipt, she'll only give Pete store credit. He offers to buy her a drink on his expense account, and despite her distaste for him, he might not be doomed to failure if he didn't already say that he JUST GOT MARRIED. The woman, probably to get rid of him, offers to put the credit in his name so he can spend it; he nauseatingly offers to spend the cash on her, but she refuses. "Store credit." Pete gives in, and then adds, "[Matherton] has the clap." Too bad for your cousin, then.
Ken, Paul, and Harry enter Pete's office to find him proudly brandishing a shotgun (although it could be a BB gun for all I know) over his head. "Same price as a chip and dip." Too bad there's nothing left over for therapy. He points it at all of them in turn, and then heads to his door and starts aiming at various women. I don't know if the concept of hazard pay had been invented yet, but if not, I think this was the seminal moment. He keeps it up until Hildy calmly pushes the thing down and informs him that his 4:30 is waiting. The boys file out, and Hildy takes the gun and watches them go with a "boys will be morons" look. I'm starting to like her.
So it's a Nixon brainstorming meeting, and present are Don, Bertram, Roger, Harry, and Pete. After some discussion about whether Kennedy will in fact be Nixon's opponent, Roger expresses skepticism of Kennedy's appeal. Basically, Pete is the only one with a true sense of Kennedy's potential popularity, even comparing him to Elvis, but he expresses that opinion in such a typically smarmy and smug way that I can't say I'm unhappy when he gets dismissively shot down by both Bertram and Roger. However, when Roger asks if they can hear from the adults, Don seems a little taken aback by Roger's imperiousness. It's almost like he's got some reason to see him in a new light! Seriously, though, it does seem like Don is wondering if he's more in Pete's position in the company than in Roger's, which makes his later actions make even more sense.
Betty is just putting the finishing touches on a lovely-looking roast beef as Don comes home, and she tells him what she's made. Don: "You know it's just me tonight, right?" Let me guess: Still mad? The two of them regard each other for a long moment, and then Don heads out of the room. I love Jon Hamm, and this character is interesting, but all that said: What a douche.
Pete is sitting in a chair, impassively cradling the gun in his lap, as his wife somewhat hysterically berates him for returning the chip and dip; the obvious implication is that it was not, in fact, an extra, and Pete did this without his wife's knowledge. Pete regards his wife with loathing through her diatribe, and I really hope he didn't have enough store credit left over for ammunition.
At the office, presumably the day, Don, waiting for the elevator, sees it open to spit out Pete, sheepishly carrying the gun. He heads away without a word, but the hilarious thing is the "WTF?" look the elevator attendant gives him. That's how you make the most of a non-speaking scene. Don then conspiratorially asks the attendant, "Hollis," for a word, and pulls out some bills as the door closes.
In his office, Pete is looking all kinds of serial-killer-in-the-making when Peggy comes in and asks him if he'd still be okay with looking at her work. If the outlines on her sweater are any indication, she seems to have chosen a moment when the air conditioning is at full blast, which certainly won't hurt her cause. Also, her boobs are enormous, which I suppose means she's taken Joan's advice about accentuating her positives. A question about the gun leads to Pete telling her a creepy hunting fantasy; without going into the details, let's just say it makes him seem like and awfully good candidate for Profiler. The basic idea is that he'd love to gorily kill and gut a game animal, and then bring it to a woman (he does not mention his wife) in some secluded cabin who would cook it up for him, and he'd eat it while she watched. Somehow, this story is hitting Peggy right in the g-spot, as evidenced by her response of "That would be wonderful." Pete says he'll take a look at her copy, and Peggy, all hot and bothered, and quickly runs off to get a ham sandwich and a cherry Danish. Honey, if you're going to sublimate, at least wash that down with something from your boss's bar.
In the supermarket, Betty is shopping when she catches sight of Helen and calls to her. Helen haltingly tells her that she wasn't going to say anything, but she found the lock of hair that Betty gave her son Glen. Betty eventually cops to it, and Helen basically tells her that she's a freak, prompting Betty to slap her and leave the store posthaste. No one in the market utters a "Meeeeooooowwww!" sound, which is severely disappointing. Helen looks flabbergasted, which seems about right.
Roger and Don are out having a lunch of oysters, cheesecake, and numerous martinis, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think they're preparing for an encounter that would make Salvatore positively livid with jealousy. Roger is basically baiting Don to keep up with him, and Don is very much up for the challenge. Later, they drunkenly gossip about Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, and Roger says he likes redheads (er, no kidding): "Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk." Don mushmouths that he doesn't like milk and hates cows, but given what's to come, I think maybe he's putting it on a little bit. He gets Roger to agree to one more, and Roger insinuates that that would be a mistake on Don's part, but he's game nonetheless. You guys, just play Hour of Power and get it over with.
Betty is sitting alone at her dining room table having a glass of wine and a cigarette when the doorbell rings; it's Francine, who's made an excuse to come by because she heard about The Great Slap A Divorcee Incident. Francine tells Betty she's worried about her. That makes a billion of us. Betty confesses she doesn't know what happened (although she of course doesn't say anything about the hair), and Francine bitterly says she doesn't know anyone who wouldn't have wanted to do the same. After an oddly-placed remark about how much she hates JFK, Betty wonders what people will think, but Francine tells her they'll be glad to know she's not a marshmallow; people think she's so sweet and perfect. Betty: "I'm not." Hear, hear. Francine assures Betty that Helen will be the one to suffer socially for the incident, but Betty brings up her BEAUTIFUL mother again, and when Francine asks what Dr. Wayne says, I wish I could be the one to answer that she needs to forget everything her mother ever taught her as quickly as possible. Francine says she's dying to try therapy, and Betty tells her that she's pretty sure Dr. Wayne tried to look down her neckline the other day. She goes on that she feels like having men check her out in that way is part of being a success as a woman, but basically confesses that she enjoys it as well, lending credence to my earlier analysis of what happened with Roger. Francine confesses that she's just as into having men check her out as Betty is, and then Betty sends her off, saying nap time is almost over. No wonder Dr. Wayne is having trouble making progress here. I don't even know where to start!
Back in the lobby, Roger mentions they haven't really gone over the Nixon plan. Don't worry -- I'm sure you'll come up with something. Hollis, the elevator attendant for whom Don pulled out the wad of bills, standing in front of an "Out Of Order" sign, tells the two of them that the elevator is, well, out of order. Don asks if they should wait, but Roger points out that they're already late, and speculates that Bertram (whom he refers to as "Cooper," FYI) will have a seizure if they don't get up there soon. Don allows Roger to come up with the idea of taking the stairs, but as Roger leads the way, he gives the attendant a casual salute. The guy looks like he just shit his pants, and I'm sure he doesn't want to be an elevator operator his whole life, but I think based on this performance, we can cross "acting" off his list of potential careers.
Stairs, stairs, and more stairs. On the eighth floor, they pause to take a breather, although that's probably a misnomer given that the first thing Don does is light a cigarette. Roger is clearly already having the worse of the situation, and complains about the elevator problem. It does seem odd -- even if that elevator only serves one set of floors, it's...one elevator. Surely the building needs a spare. They head up one more landing, and then Roger suggests they check on the elevator, but Don thinks they would hear it from where they are. Don, clearly (to us) enjoying himself, suggests they invite the Nixon people down to the landing to have the presentation, and then spurs a reluctant Roger to keep going. On seventeen, Don remarks that there are six to go, and then asks Roger if he wants to rest, but Roger declines. Don certainly is relentless in using Roger's machismo against him, as he smiles to himself and prods, "I forgot. Navy man." It's nice to see Don having a good time, even if it does reveal him to be a sadist. On eighteen, they pass a man and woman making out, and despite Don tipping his hat to them, they get metaphorically hosed down in a hurry, and leave. Noting that Roger is continuing to flag, Don offers to run ahead, but Roger tells him his name is on the building (...we know), and they can wait for him. I've never heard someone pant quite that grandly before. Roger then realizes, "I've got to stop talking." Yes, that would probably have avoided this whole mess. Meanwhile, not a hair on Don's head is out of place, and I really want to know what was in that Brylcreem they used back in the day. On twenty, Roger falls to his knees for a moment, but tries to cover by saying he lost his tie clip, and orders Don to go on without him. Don gives him a fake-concerned face, and heads on up. Roger then calls, "Found it!" and continues his forced march. I really did think Roger was going to have some kind of coronary episode here, so I appreciate the twist, foul-smelling as it may be.
Don, at least coughing a little bit, pauses in front of the reception doors before entering and dropping off his hat and buttoning up; Pete appears, followed by Bertram, who has the Nixon team in tow. Bertram introduces Don and a typically over-solicitous Pete, and after Bertram gets in a little dig at Pete (though nowhere near as nasty as some of the ones earlier in the episode), Roger appears, looking a shade of white I'm not sure is naturally found outside the Arctic Circle, and responds to one of the Nixon dude's accolades by hurling voluminously onto the carpet. Even his vomit is bigger than anyone else's. After everyone takes a stunned moment, Bertram has the good grace to ask if Roger's all right, and Roger mentions the oysters. Bertram: "I can see that." There's a reason his name's on the building, too. Don helps a still-ashen Roger into a seat, and the speaking Nixon guy says that he's sorry he missed the lunch; everyone but Don then goes off to "let Roger regroup." Don asks Roger if he's okay, and Roger regards him balefully, possibly getting hip to the possibility that Don set him up here. Don leaves him as jaunty period music starts up, and I'm glad the episode didn't end without giving us a chance to check out the massive pit stains that have seeped through Roger's jacket. An odd episode in that it didn't follow up on a lot of plot arcs that have been building, and yet very enjoyable, not least because they gave John Slattery so much to do. See you time!