Love And Marriage

S01E03

We get a shot of a couple and their kid approaching the Draper door, and then inside, we see Betty pouring a liberal amount of the contents of a bottle of what we'll soon learn is bourbon into a small punch pitcher. I just hope the kids don't think it's Kool-Aid, or that playhouse is going to get awfully messy. She finishes up the preparation and is soon serving the guests mint juleps in proper traditional silver cups. Freely admitting that I'm not much for kids, I still think it's remarkable that these people are going to be parenting after knocking a few of these back. Betty tells the adults what's on the menu and apologizes that she was unable to get some clown for the party, who apparently booked an off-Broadway show. We get a quick look at Francine's husband, Carlton, and then some jerk "Chet" tells another spousal-abuse joke over his wife's objections, and I know this was a different time but I really think not only implying, but saying that you'd be psyched if your wife drowned is not really all that hilarious. I mean, I get that the show is continuing to emphasize people's below-the-surface resentment of marriage, but was 1960 too sophisticated for mother-in-law jokes? All this suburbia is too much for Don, so he heads out of the room with Carlton following him. Carlton notes from the house that Don must be doing well, and opines that they have it all. Don: "Yup, this is it!" And he means that, or his name isn't Don Draper.

In the kitchen, the women are having a little chat about their husbands and the unreasonable demands they place on their sons for the purpose of vicarious thrills. The doorbell then rings, and Betty goes to the front door to find Helen Bishop and her son Glen. Helen awkwardly apologizes, explaining that the door was ajar, and hands over a gift, apologizing again for the fact that she hasn't finished unpacking and hence could only find Christmas wrapping paper. Betty graciously says that as far as she's concerned, it should be Christmas all year 'round. She's being nice, so I suppose I'll have to forgive her for giving me the cold chills there.

Back in the living room, Don changes the station on the old-style upright radio, and we hear the announcer introduce Mozart's "Marriage Of Figaro." I think that's the most obscure person I've ever seen get the honor of the episode title in all my recapping days. Betty comes in and tells Don he needs to pick up the cake before introducing Helen and Glen. Don takes Glen to the backyard, and Betty and Helen exit as well. Soon after, Betty has a confab with Don, musing that she already told him about the cake before asking him to take some home movies of the party. Don heads upstairs, and then we see Betty introducing Helen to the ladies in the kitchen. We see Carlton kind of leering at a distance as she does so, and then the men make gross comments about her. There's also mention of the fact that she drives a Volkswagen, which seems like it should be a thematic tie-in, but is completely eluding me if it is. In the kitchen, the women are talking about Boca Raton as an Easter getaway, but Francine cautions them against the Jew factor. Betty reproves her, but Francine explains that she and Carlton went there on their honeymoon, and they were outnumbered. "It's uncomfortable." Maybe it would have been less so if you'd gone somewhere halfway...what's the word I'm looking for...romantic. Betty asks Helen where she went on her honeymoon, and then is all, "Awkward," but Helen easily tells her it's okay, and says she went to Paris, which was a great time even with her scum-sucking ex-husband. I'm paraphrasing slightly. The mention of the ex causes the fake smiles and catty eyes to come out, but Betty, good hostess that she is, tries to dispel the mood by saying that she went to Italy for a summer right after she graduated from Bryn Mawr. Francine isn't so easily deterred, though, saying that Helen must have loved Paris. "It's all walking." It's funny how these women are apparently equating walking with being a woman of ill repute. I think they're taking the word "streetwalker" a bit too literally. Helen explains that walking relaxes her and clears her mind. "I heard on the radio that Einstein did it." No one says, "If you love Einstein so much, why don't you marry him?" Which is an enormous missed opportunity.

When Don comes in, Peggy informs him that "they paid an Oriental family to be in Mr. Campbell's office." Don: "Someone'll finally be working in there." Hey, buffoons? That was funny. Peggy accompanies Don into his office, and after she hangs up his coat and hat, she tells him that Sal, Harry, and Paul are there for a meeting. She withdraws, and when Paul pops in, Don bites his head off for having moved "this Secor laxative discussion" around a bunch of times. Paul, as usual in this situation, says nothing, and the boys and Don take seats around his coffee table. Sal suggests, "Secor: Satisfeculent." Don: "Stay in the art department, Sal." Heh. Sal's point, though, is that maybe they want to take a page out of the Volkswagen people's book and be funny. Don hates the ad, but when Harry exposits that this isn't the first of this type of ad Volkswagen has done, Don opines that they must be getting results if they keep going back to the well. I wouldn't normally jump to that conclusion -- it's not like there haven't been plenty of stubborn CEOs who have stuck with losing strategies over the years. On the other hand, the idea that the ad is efficacious is strongly supported by the fact that a German company is choosing to engage in humor. Roger enters and says he wants the Chinamen out of the building by lunch, and Don replies that he's still waiting on his shirts. What he's not still waiting on is some predictable sycophantic laughter, not that I expect that's news to anyone. Don asks Roger if he's seen the Volkswagen ad, and Sal holds it up for his perusal.

Peggy is typing away when she sees Pete coming toward her, and she smiles in anticipation. If you're reading these recaps in order, you'll be seeing this many times in the future: Oh, Peggy. Pete thinks he should have been on the list for the meeting, but Peggy, smile still intact, says she didn't know when he'd be back. She gives him the green light to go in, but he lingers, hemming and hawing about the night he came over to her place before concluding, "I'm married now." Peggy says she knows, and then, more conspiratorially, adds, "I understand. It never happened." Pete accepts that and heads in, but once he's gone, Peggy looks a little less happy about what just happened than she seemed.

Inside, Pete apologizes for being late, saying he took the Chinese people out of the building. "But I have a feeling in an hour I'm going to want to take them out again." No one congratulates him for his effective rehearsal of that line, which is more restraint than I'd expect from Don and Roger. Maybe it's a wedding present of sorts. The group then gets into a discussion of the ad, which pokes fun at the weaknesses of the Beetle. Harry thinks the joke's on them, because you come away thinking that it's a great ad, not a great car. I cannot tell you the last car commercial I saw that was associated with the product it was selling in even a vague way, so I'm feeling Harry there, I think. After Pete predictably opines that the ad is "brilliant," Don brings the subject around to Secor again, and after being chastised again for their lack of progress, the boys leave, except Pete, who lingers. He's quite the lingerer, have you noticed? Pete, in that buddy-buddy way he keeps trying with Don, tells "Draper" that he missed him. Don: "It must not have been much of a honeymoon!" Hee. Pete actually looks taken aback at that one, so Don apologizes and welcomes him back, and asks how married life is treating him. Pete says he quite likes it, and in fact is looking forward to going home that night. After we see that Don is having some trouble with his cufflinks, he offhandedly says he'd love to meet Pete's new bride, and of course Pete can't leave it at that, saying that maybe they can get dinner one night "with the wives." Don replies, "Maybe we can," in a tone that means, "How does 1977 work for you? Because it's terrible for me." Pete leaves.

Joan and Peggy look like they're returning from lunch as they head into the break room. Inside are Marge and one other ostensible telephone operator, and Joan returns Marge's copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover with the comment, "I can see why it got banned!" Oh, please, Joan. As if Lady Chatterley herself wouldn't blush from reading your biography. After Joan mentions that she carries around a change of clothing and a toothbrush in her purse, Marge tries to lend the book to Peggy, but Joan initially puts the kibosh on that idea, thinking Peggy's too proper for the language therein. Joan, you're already her birth-control pimp. You're kind of sending mixed messages in the piety department. Joan then snarks that she doesn't care how old the book is -- it's just another testament to the fact that most people think marriage is a joke. Nice little thematic throwaway there. When Marge starts talking about "the desperate passion of the forbidden," Peggy, with spot-on timing, asks, "Can I borrow it?" Heh. Marge counsels Peggy not to read the book on the train, as it will attract "the wrong element." The girls disperse, no doubt ready to put in a solid and completely undistracted afternoon of work.

After Harry finishes telling a hoary and boring sexist joke, Pete leads Rachel into the conference room. Also present are Don, Ken, and a "George Pelham," from Research, who Pete claims has "more degrees than a Russian protractor." Pelham is British, which is a perhaps not-entirely-subtle nod to Rachel's desire to attract a more upscale clientele, and he says he's studied department stores such as Saks Fifth Avenue and Bonwit Teller for ideas on how to appeal to the type of shopper Rachel wants. As Rachel and Don use Don's cufflinks to get flirty in more obvious a way than perhaps they think, Pelham drones on about the spacious shopping environment in those stores and their general "less is more" philosophy in terms of displaying their products. Pelham also recommends "boutique extras" -- personal shopping services, private fashion shows, designer collections, and the like. Rachel, however, is unimpressed, saying her store already has personal shopping and designer collections, which makes her wonder if they were so focused on her competitors that they forgot to visit her store. Pete: "I've been away on my honeymoon." I quoted that directly because I was afraid that if I'd merely told you that Pete used his honeymoon as an excuse here, you wouldn't have believed me. Ken and Harry try to say they've been there, but Don wryly tells her that he can assure her no one in the room has been to her store, which is a wrong he will personally correct that afternoon. Rachel seems mollified enough as she takes her leave, and Don walks her out. Everyone else clears out, but Pete calls to Harry to stay.

On the train home, Don settles wearily into a seat, and then the conductor hands him a newspaper, saying he dropped it. Don takes it with curt thanks and hands over his ticket, and then lights a smoke. From the pensive and somewhat distraught look on his face, we're to infer that he actually has feelings for Rachel. Oh, Don. Selling nylons doesn't seem quite as fun now, does it?

The morning, Betty's already bustling about when Don's daughter Sally comes running in and tells Don to wake up, as it's her birthday. He grabs her and growls that it's not her birthday, just her party day, and Betty chimes in that he has to put together the "P-L-A-Y-H-O-U-S-E." Sally seems a little old for the spelling thing to work, but maybe she's a little S-L-O-W. Don jokes, "How am I going to put together a pony?" Sally takes this at face value and runs off yelling to her brother that she's getting a pony, causing Betty to give Don a slightly chastening look. I think it was worth it. Betty then smiles that there's a bacon-and-egg sandwich for him on the range, and leaves. Don focuses on the cufflinks on his nightstand, as if to emphasize how much he'd rather be with Rachel than trapped in this suburban marital prison. But...bacon-and-egg sandwich, Don! Are you made of stone?

Sometime later, Don is in the yard looking over the assembly instructions for the playhouse. Cut to him heading into the garage and grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator there. Well, if you're forced to engage in suburban rituals, I can hardly blame you for being sure to participate in the ones that are actually enjoyable. Sometime later, the playhouse is sort of maybe coming together, and the beer is definitely totally still being imbibed. The kids come running out, and Sally is too screechy-enthusiastic about the whole thing for my taste, but Don focuses her energy by asking her to get him another beer. Heh. The kids run off.

Inside, Betty and Francine are preparing appetizers, and Betty admits that she invited Helen Bishop, the DIVORCEE from down the street. Francine's aghast, and asks if Betty's seen her walking on "Tree Ridge," to which Betty nods. Francine: "Where the hell is she walking to?" Francine's going to be really confused in the seventies when jogging catches on. Betty exposits that Helen has two kids, a boy of nine and a girl of only two. She goes on that Helen was going to try to get a sitter for the daughter, and then Francine looks out the window and sees Don, now only in his t-shirt, working away on the playhouse. She smiles approvingly and sighs, "That man," and Betty returns the sentiment. You wonder whether they'd be fazed to know he's about to open his eighth beer of the morning, but somehow I think they'd take that news in stride.

The kids are running around as Don films them; when we cut to the camera-view, we hear "Marriage Of Figaro" playing on the soundtrack. Helen comes in and shields her face from the camera, prompting Don to ask, "What are you, Frank Sinatra?" Given their larger-than-life status, I doubt any member of the Rat Pack would have been caught dead driving a Beetle. Helen says she's looking for Glen, and Carlton offers that a bunch of the kids just ran through. He accompanies her on her search as Don somewhat unsteadily shoots the other two guys. By the stairs, Carlton smooves that he knows Helen's situation, and if she ever needs someone to throw the ball around with Glen or take him to the beach, he's her man. Helen gets this awesome "Yeah, I've heard this one before" look on her face and says that's very nice, and speculates that soon, she'd start joining him at the beach, and before you know it...Carlton, unamused, says he doesn't want her telling Francine that he suggested something he didn't, and Helen says she's sorry if she misunderstood. Since she's a woman, she has to say that, even though she didn't misunderstand and she wouldn't be sorry even if she did. Don then appears with the camera again, and Carlton and Helen desperately try to outdo each other on who can give the faker smile and wave. Too close to call, I'd say. Don keeps filming, but when he sees one of the couples exchange a kiss, he looks pensive...

...and only gets more so as, outside, he listens to the kids imitating their parents, with comments like "I like sleeping on the couch" and "I don't like your tone." Helen comes out and joins Don, remarking that it's an "interesting crowd" inside. Don sighs, "Same crowd out here." Heh. Inside, the hens are pecking away, although Betty is still refusing to participate in any Helen-bashing. One of the random women, though, can't resist pointing out that Helen is outside with Don, so Betty goes to interrupt them, pointedly asking Don again to go get the cake. Don leaves without a word.

Inside, a young boy knocks over a glass, and an older male guest, "Jack," grabs him, slaps him across the face, and tells him not to run in the house. It turns out this is Carlton's son Ernie, and when Carlton appears and hears what happened, he kneels down and asks if Ernie said he was sorry, and when he gets no response, asks, "Do you want some more?" Kid, you look too young to have read Oliver Twist, but take it from me: Wanting some more is never right. Jack tells Carlton it's okay, and Carlton sends Ernie to get Francine to clean the mess up. If the show's going to make me vomit with the sexism, I appreciate that it's at least not dragging it out.

Don, cake on the front seat to him, slows down in front of his house, but then speeds up again and takes off. Dude, not cool. I mean, blowing off the boring party is one thing, but depriving kids of birthday cake is quite another.

It's now just after four (the party started at two) and Betty hangs up the phone and tells everyone that according to the woman at the bakery, Don picked up the cake almost an hour earlier. No one knows what to say, and then the jerky guy Chet who told the nasty "joke" earlier comes in, crowing about how they're leaving and how there's not going to be a cake. "Don Draper, you are a first-class heel and I salute you." I think I prefer Carlton and Slappy Jack, so far down the list is this asshole. Once they're gone, Helen offers that she might have a Sara Lee in her freezer, and Francine isn't too proud to ask if she could go get it. It's a nice little point, because Francine has obviously been a huge bitch to Helen, so I take this shift as an indication of how much Francine cares about Betty. Helen takes her leave...

...and shortly thereafter, Sally is blowing out her candles. The adults sing that Sally is a jolly good fellow, but Betty looks worried and annoyed.