So I don't think I can quite bring myself to recap these first five episodes as if I haven't already seen the whole season, but I will try to refrain from giving away really specific major spoilers, for those of you who are watching the show for the first time. I can't promise the world, though, so use your judgment if you're completely spoiler-averse. Onward!
Man, if you've never really watched the opening credits, you should go through them slowly. They're a little disturbing, but that's mild for this show, don't you think?
So we start by getting a card that reads: "Mad Men: A term coined in the late 1950's to describe the advertising executives of Madison Avenue." "Mad" because they were a bit angry, because they were a bit insane, or because they were, as the card so helpfully mentioned, located on Madison Avenue? Have you noticed this show is one of those that make you think? Anyway, more text appears on the card: "They coined it." Doesn't really help answer my question, but thanks for trying. Anyway, as Don Cherry's "Band Of Gold" plays, we pan around a crowded bar, full of people socializing and having a grand old time -- except for our (anti-?) hero Don Draper (played by Jon Hamm, and congrats on the Golden Globe nomination!), who's sitting by himself writing on a cocktail napkin, because the ideas flow freer from his brain than booze flows from a gin joint such as...well, this. Of course, being that he is in fact an ad man, you'd think he'd carry a pad for those times when he doesn't have a pretty young thing around to take notes for him. Then again, what were the chances? A waiter comes to clear Don's glass, which normally would be a good way to lose a hand, but Don says he's done and asks the guy for a light. Once the guy obliges, Don exhales and notes that the guy is an "Old Gold man," and offers that he himself smokes Lucky Strike cigarettes. The guy regards him warily, because people may have lost a lot of their inhibitions by this point in the evening, but not enough to forget that talking to the (colored, even!) help is Not Done. Don asks why the guy smokes Old Gold, but the guy keeps quiet as a church mouse while his presumed supervisor, an late-fifties-ish Italian guy, comes over and asks Don if "Sam" is bothering him. Don tells Crusty Italian that he's fine, they're just having another conversation, but he will in fact take another drink. Crusty Italian leaves, but not without looking askance at poor Sam again, and then Sam, figuring he's getting fired either way, admits that he smokes Old Gold because the Army gave its soldiers a carton a week for free when he was in the service. Wow, seriously? I mean, I know not a lot was known about lung cancer back in the thirties or forties or whenever Sam served, but surely the drill sergeants noticed that the guys smoking three packs a day got a little winded during basic training, no? Sam goes on that at this point, he wouldn't try another brand, so Don asks him to suppose that a tobacco weevil ate all the Old Gold tobacco there was. Sam: "That's a sad story." Especially for the weevil, since I'm guessing it's not the greatest quality tobacco out there if the government is handing it out to its soldiers faster than it gives moldy cheese to starving populations. Sam admits that, in that tragic eventuality, he could probably find another cigarette to ruin his health, as he really loves smoking, although his wife hates it, and Reader's Digest says it'll kill you. Don: "Yeah, I heard about that." Heh. Sam laughs that "ladies love their magazines," and after Don agrees with a smile, we see that he's written "I Love Smoking" on the napkin, although for the life of me I wouldn't have been able to decipher it if he hadn't quoted it back to Sam just now. Thanks, Doctor Draper. Don looks up right at the "Band Of Gold" chorus, as if to say, "Pretty pleased with yourself there, eh, Mr. Music Supervisor?" He looks at the tableau of people smoking and drinking, no doubt thinking, "Focus group!"
Don shows up at the door of a thin, pretty woman with a bohemian air whose name we'll soon learn is Midge (Rosmarie DeWitt). With a smile, she notes that he didn't hesitate to call at a late hour, and adds that he's lucky she's still up working, and is alone. In light of my earlier warning, I hope you won't take it as too much of a spoiler if I say that she's not kidding. We see that she's got a drafting table on which she's got several drawings of puppies, as she lets us know that thanks to the invention of "Grandmother's Day," she'll be busy with that kind of treacle for a while. And not that I didn't love my grandparents that were still alive when I was born, but still: blech. Grandparents shouldn't have a made-up holiday that kids can forget and then feel guilty about. Isn't that what parents are for? Anyway, Don asks Midge if he can run a couple ideas by her, as he's having a "situation" with his cigarette account. This sends Midge from the puppies to the nearby bar set, so she really should thank him for stopping by. Don reveals that the Trade Commission is cracking down on cigarette advertisers' health claims. Midge: "I get Reader's Digest." Heh. I love how in the first four minutes of the series, Reader's Digest is already crossing racial and socioeconomic lines as The Magazine Of The People. And it's over thirty years before Homer Simpson will sing its praises! Midge offhandedly goes on that this same crisis reared its ugly head five years earlier, and he dealt with it then. "I know I slept a lot better knowing doctors smoke." Nice. Don says, however, that the "safer cigarette" era is over, and there will be no more testimonials from medical professionals. Midge: "Is this the part where I say Don Draper is the greatest ad man ever, and his big, strong brain will find a way to lead the sheep to the slaughterhouse?" Only if you want to moonlight as the Exposition Fairy. The costume's included! Don complains that he's got nothing for this one, and the young kids at his firm are going to be all over him. It's easier to believe when you haven't met them yet. He asks what her secret is, and as she undoes her blouse, she replies, "Nine different ways to say 'I love you, Grandma.'" Heh. Don figures out that the time for talking has passed, and moves in for the kiss...
...and then we cross-fade into what looks like early morning, with Don and Midge lying in bed smoking. Don tells her they should get married, and when Midge laughingly asks if he thinks she'd make a good ex-wife, Don non-seriously tells her he's serious. "What size Cadillac do you take?" Sometimes what's meant as an offhand joke can really give you a window into a person's psyche. Anyway, Midge reminds him: "You know the rules. I don't make plans, and I don't make breakfast." Hmm. I always thought The Rules were a little different, not that they really applied in my situation anyway. Don gets up out of bed, complaining again about his advertiser's block, but Midge somewhat dismissively tells him people love smoking, and nothing's going to change that. Well, there are plenty of people who love to smoke who have quit or cut down tremendously because of the health risks. Were it not for the deleterious effects, I personally would have had so many cigarettes today that I wouldn't even be able to see the screen. Don sighs that there's a kid who walks by and cases his office every day, looking at where he's going to put his plants. Midge smiles and asks if he's handsome. Don gives her a semi-amused, semi-annoyed "Oh, going to trade me in for a younger model, eh?" look, but seriously, Vincent Kartheiser still looks like he's twelve. I know Midge doesn't exactly hesitate to break the law, but come on.
Establishing shots of people heading into a busy office building give way to three guys and a woman getting on the elevator. From left to right, the guys are Paul (Michael Gladis), Ken (Aaron Staton), and Harry (Rich Sommer). Paul asks the elevator operator to take them to the 23rd floor, but Harry, as he doffs his hat, adds, "Not right away." As they all ogle the woman, Peggy (Elisabeth Moss), Ken makes a comment about how he's enjoying the view. In front of them, Peggy gets this look on her face that implies she was expecting a little more subtlety from people who use words for a living. It's best to get disabused of these notions as quickly as possible. Talk turns to "Campbell's" bachelor party, and Ken says he's definitely going. Paul offers that he hears Pete's fiancée is a nice girl. Harry: "Ah, who wants that?" Big talk from a guy who...damn, it's hard even to remotely adhere to that spoiler promise. Okay, fine, ruin my jokes, bandwagoners. Anyway, the elevator doors open, and Peggy gets off first, presumably to wash off the back of her head.
As the boys walk into the office, Paul asks if Ken had to be that crude, opining that Peggy will probably be assigned to one of them. Ken tells him that now she'll know what she's in for, which makes me in agreement with him, which can only mean that I'm a pig. Well, as long as I get to be Spider Pig. Spider Pig! Spider Pig! ...Excuse me.
Well, those sixteen hours just flew by. Ken adds that by letting the girl know what kind of guy you are, you signal what kind of girl you want her to be. Paul snarks that he doesn't expect he'll be going to Ken's bachelor party any time soon, and after Paul's liver silently thanks Ken for that, Ken tells us that compared to Campbell, he's a Boy Scout. Not so sure I buy that, really. Certainly, compared to Pete, even a lout like Ken comes off chivalrous and polite, but that doesn't necessarily translate into more actual sex with women, which will be amply demonstrated in this episode. The boys head for Pete's door, and Hildy (Julie McNiven) stands (God, I forgot she wore her hair down like that at the beginning of the series) and asks if Pete is expecting them. They pay her absolutely no mind, and it's just too bad that Peggy wasn't there to see that too.
Inside, Pete (Vincent Kartheiser) is on the phone, assuring his fiancée that he'll get home safely; he then smiles at the boys as he tells her to take her mother to lunch and tell her it was his idea. Okay, but will you foot the bill if they order some celebratory champagne? They are WASPs, you know. Pete goes on that he doesn't know what the boys have planned, but "judging from the creative brainpower around here, we'll probably end up seeing My Fair Lady." It's a lot more appropriate if you think of it as Pig-Malion. Ken, however, holds up a brochure from The Slipper Room, which is actually only a few blocks from where I live and a place I used to frequent. Hey, the burlesque may have been straight, but the bartenders most assuredly were not. Pete smiles in approval and says he'll stop by the fiancée's place on his way home. "Your mother can check under my fingernails." Just as long as she doesn't light a match in your vicinity. He assures her he loves her. "I'm giving up my life to be with you, aren't I?" Yeah, remember what I said about those offhand comments? Pete hangs up and, seemingly sincerely, tells the boys that she's great, and that she stole his heart. Paul: "And her old man's loaded." Oh, Paul. Here we were, having a lovely time discussing all the tits and ass we're going to see tonight, and you had to go get gauche on us.
The redheaded bombshell we know as Joan (Christina Hendricks) is showing Peggy around; she points out the area that the account executives and creative executives share. "Please don't ask me the difference." I'm going to have to steal that line. Joan, who's a lot less imperious here than she may or may not come to be, says that if Peggy follows her advice, she's be able to avoid a lot of mistakes she's made. And when Paul serendipitously passes and says hello to her, Joan adds, "Like that one." Heh. After some talk about how long it took Peggy to get there from where she lives, Joan says that if she makes the right moves, she'll be in the city with the rest of them in a couple of years, but if she really makes the right moves, she'll be in the country and not working at all. The part about "And if you fuck up, that's what Bensonhurst is for" is omitted, but advertising is all about accentuating the positive. Joan leads Peggy to an empty desk, saying that they'll be right across the aisle from each other, and will both be taking care of Don for a while. Do I even need to tell you to make your own joke here? Joan then ticks off the important points -- don't overdo it with the perfume, keep a fifth of something in your desk (Don's a rye drinker), and invest in some aspirin, Band-Aids, and a needle and thread. "He may act like he wants a secretary, but most of the time they're looking for something between a mother and a waitress." As for the rest of the time, Joan tells Peggy as she steps forward and regards her appraisingly, she should go home, cut some eyeholes in a paper bag, strip, and look at herself in the mirror. "Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are." So Joan, a woman, is encouraging Peggy to take seemingly emotionally painful steps that will result in her getting sexually harassed more often. A little fucked up, don't you think? Joan encourages Peggy to be honest in her self-evaluation, and Peggy replies that she always tries to be honest. Joan smiles in apparent approval...
...and then she's telling Peggy not to be overwhelmed by the technology, as she uncovers an automatic typewriter. Hey, it may be antiquated now, but in junior high I took a typing class in which we learned on manual jobs, and I can tell you that any secretary that could churn out more than sixty words a minute on one of those clunkers deserved a medal. Although I would have been scared to shake her hand. Joan then says at lunch, Peggy needs to pick up some chocolates, carnations, and bath salts. "I'll explain later." I damn sure hope so. Peggy gratefully thanks Joan, who hesitates for a second, but then tells Peggy not to take this the wrong way, but "a girl like you with those darling little ankles? I'd find a way to make them sing." She adds that men love scarves (on women, I'm assuming she meant) and then Don and Roger (John Slattery) blow by as Joan greets them both warmly. Don does spare them a "Morning, girls," so at least he notices Peggy's existence, although whether he realizes she's new is another question entirely.
Inside, Roger tells Don, "You look like a hundred bucks." Hee. That one never gets old for me. Now that we've got most of the major players here, I suppose I should give a rundown of what everyone does. Skip this if you want to find out organically. Roger's last name is Sterling, and he is a co-owner of the advertising company, which is called Sterling Cooper. Bertram Cooper (Robert Morse) is Roger's partner, whom we haven't met yet. Don is the creative head, Pete is an account exec, Harry is a media buyer, Ken is an accounts underling, and Paul is a copywriter/creative underling. Salvatore (Bryan Batt) heads the art department, and Joan is the office manager and liaison between the men and the girls. Anyone else that shows up, I'll cover as it happens. So, Roger asks Don if he had a long night because of the cigarette campaign, and Don admits it was on his mind. Roger says he hopes so, as "Lee Garner," his dad, and the whole Lucky Strike family will be there at four. Don grabs one of several extra shirts (all white, you'll notice; colors were for fags back then) out of one of his desk drawers as he asks if Roger is worried, but Roger parries by saying that if he were, he'd ask Don what he had, but he's not going to do that, which means Don should be worried, because he'd better have something. For two straight guys in a business relationship, this sounds a lot like the conversational equivalent of a mating dance. Don turns his attention to treating his apparently raging hangover, and Roger turns to go, but then asks, "How do I put this. Have we ever hired any Jews?" So the answer to your first question is "tactlessly," then. Don half-jokes (See? SEE?), "Not on my watch," but Roger says they have an 11:00 with "Menken's Department Store," and he wouldn't mind having someone there to make "them" feel comfortable. Don: "You want me to run down to the deli, grab somebody?" Heh. Roger counters that Don missed a button, and leaves.
We get a close-up of some Alka-Seltzer plop-plopping and fizz-fizzing in a glass, and if this product existed back then, I can't believe Joan didn't tell Peggy to add it to her shopping list. Don appears deep in thought, but then rouses himself and opens a desk drawer. He reaches for one of those two-handed elastic metal weights that were so popular back in the day, but in the process manages to drop a small case, which he opens to reveal that it contains a Purple Heart medal. When he closes it again, we see that the case is inscribed "Lt. Donald Francis Draper." He regards it for a moment, and then puts it back, heads to the window, and stretches the bands out a couple of times before Salvatore comes barging in with a "Look at you, Gidget. Still trying to fill out that bikini?" Heh. Don jokes that summer is coming, but Sal gets to business, taking out a poster and saying that without the medical claims, all they have is a white drawing with a red spot on it. Well, we also have a drawing of a buff shirtless guy lying in a hammock, whom Sal says is his neighbor and posed for him. I'm not sure it's called "posing" when viewed through binoculars, but I'm not in the industry. Don thinks a little sex appeal would be nice, so he suggests an attractive woman in with the guy, and Sal is all over that a little too approvingly before asking if Don is going to Pete's bachelor party. Don says it's not his thing, and we get a little more Overcompensation Theater before Sal goes to pour himself a drink. At what's presumably around ten in the morning. Again, it's best that you learn these things early so you know what to expect.
Sal goes to pop some aspirin with his drink as the buzzer rings and Peggy announces that someone named "Greta" is there to see Don. Sal snarks that they get to hear from their "man in research," and then the door opens to reveal that Greta is a severe-looking German woman who enters and stridently tells the boys that they're looking more relaxed than she expected with the big meeting coming up. (I didn't mention it in that recap, but Greta reappears in "Babylon.") Don tells her he understands that the idea of including medical testimony is dead, and Greta says that's an apt choice of words. However, her department's research has provided a solution -- telling people that despite the risks, cigarettes are simply too good to give up. The men pooh-pooh the idea of brazenly acknowledging that cigarettes are as good as death, but Greta says that before the war, she studied with Adler in Vienna, and they postulated that what Freud termed the death wish is as powerful a driver as reproduction and physical sustenance. And then they tested their theory by playing Russian roulette after picnicking and having each other for dessert on the banks of the Danube. Greta, you name-dropping, death-defying tart, you! Don is insecurely dismissive, again, and Sal queenily opines that people living one way and thinking the exact opposite is ridiculous. I've said it before (after?) and I'll say it again: Be as on-the-nose as you want with this character, and I'll still laugh. Don takes the long way around Lake Condescension to get to a valid point, which is that his concern isn't getting people to smoke, but getting them to smoke Lucky Strikes in particular. After some bickering about the health hazards of smoking, Greta hands over her report, which Don tosses into the wastebasket while commenting that he finds her whole approach "perverse." This from the man who owns a t-shirt that reads, "I'm an iconoclast! Don't ask me how!" Greta rises and wishes Don good luck at the meeting. "I'm sure it will be a quick one." Heh. When she's gone, Don tells Sal he'll take that drink now. Well, at least he waited until 10:05.
Sometime later, Don lies down on his couch. He regards a fly crawling behind the translucent panel in the ceiling before closing his eyes. We hear the faint sound of bombs exploding, which is a nice, quick touch that I had completely forgotten about, before Peggy insistently whispers his name offscreen. Don slowly opens his eyes, and Peggy tells him that Pete is outside. At least she stopped him from barging in. Don's relieved to learn that Pete doesn't know about his little nap, and then asks Peggy who she is. She introduces herself ("Olson" is her surname), and Don gets to his feet and asks her to go entertain Pete. In front of the entire office? Peggy asks if she really has to, and Don wryly acknowledges her unspoken point that Pete is a douchebag; Peggy then gives Don some aspirin and water, and Don steels himself and tells her to send Pete in, which is just as well, because Pete opens the door himself and comments, "You look like a hundred bucks." Okay, I just got over that expression. It's pretty clear from the get-go that Pete is trying to bond with Don as an equal, and it's even clearer that Don is so very much not having it. Pete then gets disgusting with Peggy; after learning that she went to a very good secretarial school, he gets her to tell him she's from Brooklyn, and then suggests she show off her legs and pull her waist in. Peggy asks Don if that's all she needs, but Pete cuts in that he's not done. "I'm workin' my way up." There are many ways that comment can be read, each grosser than the last. When you get to the one involving Pete Jr., it's time to throw up and move on. Don gives Peggy leave to go, apologizing for Pete to boot, and Peggy tells him it's time for the Menken meeting.
Pete and Don pedeconference, and Pete is again overly familiar, calling Don "Draper" and asking if he's coming to the bachelor party. Don asks Pete how old he is, and on learning he's only just twenty-six, comments that to Pete, the whole world probably looks like "one big brassiere strap waiting to be snapped." Just wait until they get to The Slipper Room. He goes on, however, that advertising is a small world. "And when you do something like malign the reputation of one of the girls from the steno pool on her first day, you make it even smaller." He concludes that if he keeps it up, even if he eventually gets Don's job, he'll never run the place -- he'll just rot in the corner office, being a guy with a little hair with whom women go home out of pity. "You want to know why? Because no one will like you." Pete looks a combination of chastened and confused, which is exactly how Don wants him in the meeting...
...into which they now head. Roger is inside, along with a random guy with glasses, and a young woman who dresses rather old for her age. Roger introduces her to Pete, who will be her account exec if she chooses to work with them, and then Don. Don mistakenly thinks the random guy is the Menken representative, but the woman intercedes and gives her name as Rachel Menken (Maggie Siff). They both navigate the awkwardness expertly, and once Roger lets Don know that Random Glasses Guy is "David Cohen, from the art department," Don catches the snap and grins that David is one of the rising stars at Sterling Cooper. Tell me that wasn't a purposefully oblique "Star of David" reference. I love this show. Can I tell you? Everyone goes to sit down, and after Don notes to Roger that David is wearing one of Roger's shirts, Roger conspiratorially tells Don, "I had to go all the way to the mailroom, but I found one." Heh, nice.
After a long establishing shot of the "Midtown Medical Building," in an examining room, Peggy, in a gown, is reading over some literature when the doctor comes in. After some pleasantries, he asks after Joan, who apparently made this referral. I wonder if Joan gets a free pap smear for this. He lights up (nice touch) and then tells Peggy to lie back and get comfortable, and checks her stomach as he tells her he sees from her chart that she's not married. I'd be afraid that this was going to be the veiled "Why you got to slut it up" conversation if not for the Joan connection. And the doc goes on that the reason Joan sent her to him is that she knew he wouldn't judge her, and he thinks that there's nothing wrong with being practical about the possibility of sexual activity. However, he does hope that sending her out into the sexual world isn't going to turn her into a "strumpet." Peggy gets into the stirrups and assumes the position, and as he examines her, he tells her that he'll take her off the medicine if she abuses it, as even in their "modern times" (the calendar reads March 1960), easy women don't find husbands. And we already know that guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses, so women were really taking it on the chin back then! Peggy assures "Dr. Mason" that she's really a very responsible person, and the doc says he's going to write her a prescription for Enovid (an early oral contraceptive), which costs eleven bucks a month. (No joke, once you learn what she makes.) As if acknowledging that, he tells her that she doesn't have to go out and become the "town pump" to get her money's worth. Peggy looks at the paper and wonders if she can get away with being the block association's garden hose.
After a close-up of some feminine fingers placing a cigarette into a holder, Roger and Don are pitching their ideas, one of which is a 10% off coupon in select ladies' magazines, which Don says will increase first-time visitors to Menken's. Rachel, however, informs him that they share a wall with Tiffany's, and she therefore doesn't think that a coupon is likely to be effective. I think a coupon for 10% off any item at Tiffany's when you shop at Menken's would be extremely successful, if only we could answer the question of what's in it for the peddlers of those dear blue-boxed items. Don, already a little taken aback, says that coupons work, and opines that Rachel's dad would agree with the strategy. Rachel counters by telling Don that while that might be true, it's definitely irrelevant, as the reason she's there instead of her father is that they just had their worst sales year ever. Pete smoothly cuts in, lighting Rachel's cigarette as he asks why she came to them, as there are a dozen other agencies more suited to her..."needs." Wow, actual tact from Pete! I confess that didn't leave a lasting impression on me. Rachel basically says that those agencies' thinking is just like her father's, and adds in Don's direction, "Their research favors coupons too!" Hee. Rachel's point is that she wants people in the store who are drawn to it because it's expensive. Maybe they could combine their ideas and distribute coupons with which you have to pay ten percent more. You don't need many takers to make that idea a winner! Don, getting more and more flustered, says they obviously have very different ideas, and Rachel pokes him with a stick, agreeing as she expresses her opinion that the customer is always right. She goes on that she was expecting better, as Sterling Cooper has a reputation for being innovative. That's it for Don, who tells Rachel she's way out of line. Damn straight -- no one calls Don Draper "innovative" and lives to talk about it! Despite Pete's and Roger's attempts to smooth things over, both Don's and Rachel's temper flares, and Don ends up standing and saying he's not going to let a woman talk to him like this and storming out, with Pete running after him. David wins the award for Non-Speaking Extra Of The Year when he reaches for the pitcher of Bloody Marys on the table, only to put it back after a look from Roger. I'm not sure what his problem is -- does he not want to pay David drinking rates?
Out in the hallway, Pete catches up and kisses up to Don, agreeing that Rachel was out of line, but Don sees right through him and says that Roger won't be happy, which is good for Pete. They stop, and Pete confesses that he does want Don's job, but he knows Don is good with people, a talent he lacks. "Not counting that meeting we were just in." Point to the man-boy. Pete says he's hoping Don will help him out, and opines that there's plenty of room at the top. Don gives a little and apologizes for being so hard on Pete before, but Pete goes back to overplaying his hand, saying he'd follow Don into combat blindfolded, as would plenty of other guys. He sticks out his hand (calling Don "buddy," which: no), but Don declines the offering: "Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant." Well, Don, surely you have eleven bucks a month to spare. When Don's gone, Pete drops the genial act and whispers, "Fuck you." Pete! You kiss your rich, uptight fiancée with that mouth?
Joan swaggers around the office with Peggy, laden down with the gifts Joan instructed her to buy, in tow, telling her that she's not saying she's seen the doc's place in Southampton, "but it's beautiful." So, Joan, how many guys per month would you not say you're sleeping with at the moment? Joan leads Peggy to a closed door and tells her that they're about to enter the nerve center of the office, and that Peggy and her boss are dependent on "the willing and cheerful cooperation of a few skilled employees." As such, Joan says, Peggy is never to snap or be sarcastic with them, and instead should always be a supplicant. Joan opens the door...
...and inside, we see three switchboard operators working at breakneck pace. Joan shouts over the din and introduces Peggy to "Marge, Nannette, and Ivy," although I believe Marge is the only one we'll see again. When Peggy pipes up that she brought them some "getting-to-know-you gifts," however, they all fall silent and turn toward her. Heh. They accept the tokens eagerly and tell Peggy she can come back any time, and then we get some exposition about how "Eleanor," Don's secretary, moved on, as "Draper wasn't interested." Nanette gloats that it's probably because she couldn't get a call through. "Rude little thing!" Hee. Joan starts to lead Peggy out, but Nanette calls that Peggy has great legs. "I betcha Mr. Draper would like them if he could see them." Peggy looks floored, and then nods faster than a bobblehead. Honey, if it's between shorter skirts and whiplash, I know which one I'd choose.
It's time for the big meeting, and Lee Sr. (who shows up again in "Indian Summer") is bitching that they made a healthier cigarette just like the "guvment intahlopahs" wanted, and now that's not good enough. There's a hilarious little bit where Lee Sr. starts hacking up a lung and everyone else coughs in solidarity before Lee Sr. tells them that their competitors at Brown and Williamson are getting sued by the Federal government over the health claims they made. All this quickly leads to Don being called up to the plate, and while it's not quite Cindy Brady staring at the red light on the television camera, when you consider that the best he offers is that he smokes Lucky Strikes himself, it's not a significant improvement. Pete cuts in and says he may have a solution, and stands up as he pitches Greta's research, the report of which he apparently fished out of Don's trashcan. He goes on that cars, while dangerous and sometimes deadly, are necessary, and cigarettes are the same, so they should basically tell the public to man up and get with the dying already. "Smoke your cigarette. You still have to get where you're going." Interesting that the sneaky theft of the report led to what's one of the more honest ad pitches I've ever heard. Lee Jr. calls the pitch "interesting" and seems to mean it, but then shakes himself out of it and says that if cigarettes were in fact dangerous, it would be interesting. Just another example of how Pete sometimes seems to be ahead of his time in this business.
Anyway, Lee Sr. is very much not having any of this, and his party is just about out the door when Lee Jr. remarks that at least everyone else has this problem too. Ah, Lee Jr., you may think you have this problem, but the camera-push and the soft musical flourish of Here's Where Don Earns The Title Of Best Ad Man In New York have other ideas. Don asks them to wait, stands, and rehashes the fact that the FTC and Reader's Digest have made it so any ad linking cigarettes and health will make people think of cancer. This, he tells them, changes the advertising landscape -- his point is that not being allowed to make health claims actually frees them to say just about anything they want. He asks how they make their cigarettes, and when Lee Sr. gives an outline of the steps involved, Don stops him at the one where they toast their tobacco. He writes "It's toasted" on the blackboard. Lee Jr. protests that everyone else's tobacco is toasted as well, but Don leads them along, saying that everyone else's is poisonous. He explains that the success of advertising comes from selling happiness, and happiness is "the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing, it's okay. You are okay." If your eyes are starting to glaze over, it's a testament to the hypnotic power of his words. At least, I hope that's what it is. Pete looks discomfited as Lee Sr. voices his approval...
...and then it's drinks time, and close to five o'clock to boot! It's just Roger and Don in Don's office, and Roger admits that Don had him worried, while Don in turn admits that he pulled his idea out of thin air. And here I thought that hemming and hawing was just for dramatic effect. Roger turns the subject to the upcoming Presidential election -- apparently, they've been approached about helping the Nixon campaign. Before they can really get into it, though, Peggy buzzes (and Don addresses her as "honey," just for the record), and in a moment, Ken, Paul, and Harry enter in a festive mood, trailed by Pete, who smiles that he told them how amazing Don was. The stench of Eau De Peon is too much for Roger, who starts to head out, but he braves the odor long enough to linger and ask Don if he might possibly be able to patch things up with Rachel, adding that she's worth three million bucks. Don calls him a whore, and Roger salutes in response. Heh. Don starts to suggest that the boys clear out of there, but they try to get him to join them in the bachelor-party revelry. Don's unmoved, though, so the boys file out, but Pete stops to leave a Slipper Room card on his desk, leaving Don open to tell Pete that if he thought Greta's research was any good, he would have used it. Pete tries to play dumb, and you'd think he'd be better at it. Don, however, says that he had the same report, "and it's not like there's some magic machine that makes identical copies of things." Heh. Pete tries to say he still thinks Greta was right, but Peggy enters, so Don wraps things up by shaking Pete's hand and wishing him congratulations. Pete's brain: "I'll never wash that hand again."
When Pete's gone, Peggy moves around Don's desk and, as he looks through his drawers for something, thanks him for a great first day, and then, more haltingly, for standing up for her to Pete. She puts her hand on top of his, and he regards it long and hard before moving it off and telling her sternly that he's her boss, not her boyfriend, and by the way, if she ever lets Pete go through his trash again, she'll get booted back across the East River faster than the subway can take her. Peggy, upset, says that Pete told her he left his fountain pen in Don's office, and she didn't know, and by the way, she hopes that Don doesn't think she's that kind of girl. Don softens and tells her of course not, and she should go home, and they'll get a fresh start the day. But before she does, he needs her to place a call. The number must be EAT-CROW.
The Slipper Room! The set designers have studied the place, because it looks awfully like the real thing. Ken tells a pink-bunny-costumed cocktail waitress that he wants to see her at their table every fifteen minutes, whether she has drinks or not, and Harry amends that to every five. Sal and Paul are also joining Pete for his night of debauchery, and some women promptly join them. Ken informs the table that they work at the Automat, and he invited them to come. I'm actually old enough to remember the last Automat in New York City, which was on 42nd and 3rd, if I recall correctly. And tokens were fifty cents and the East Village was too dangerous to walk around in even in daylight and good God, is that my thirty-eighth birthday I see staring me in the face? ["Actually, Grandpa, there's a new Automat in town -- in the East Village, no less." -- Sars] Anyway, the girls all think Ken's the cutest, Sal makes another "Gay?" comment, and everyone's having a grand old time until Pete gets too insistently touchy-feely with one of the women, causing her to suggest to her friends that they leave. Faced with being the big pooper at his own party, Pete promises to behave, but the girl still goes and sits down to Ken as she asks what they all do. Harry slurs that they're the finest ad men in New York. "Hell, the world!" We'll see if he's this confident time Don's on vacation. The stripper onstage finishes her act, observed with serial-killer eyes by Pete. That'll happen.
In a more civilized cocktail room, Don is apparently attempting to mend fences with Rachel, and after the waiter drops off a "special" Mai Tai and a whiskey neat, Rachel, in a generously playful tone, asks if Don got in trouble for how he acted at the meeting. Don answers that question indirectly by apologizing for losing his temper and, basically, for talking down to her. She quickly accepts his apology, and says it was "refreshing" to hear out loud all the things she's assumed people have thought. I've been called some adjectives for doing the same thing, but I don't recall "refreshing" as being one of them. Don then turns the subject to Rachel's personal life, asking why she isn't married, and I'm just so certain he'd ask the same thing of an unmarried male in this situation. Rachel basically tells him that, somewhat bitterly saying that if she weren't a woman, she'd be allowed to turn the question around, and that she wouldn't have to choose between having a family and having a career. It's worth noting that Don doesn't seem to be wearing a wedding ring here, although I'm willing to believe that that's a character choice and not simply cheap misdirection, as he asks if the thrill of business is the reason she won't get married, and Rachel smiles and says yes, but also, she's never been in love. Don cynically tells her that love, the way she's thinking of it with the lightning bolt and the skipping through fields together, doesn't exist. "What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons." Rachel's unfazed by this declaration, so Don goes on that you're born alone and you die alone, and while the world tries to make you forget that truth, he never does. "I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one." If he actually believes that, he must really hate Pete not to be out at his hedonistic bachelor party. Rachel sees deeper into Don than he intended, though, as she muses that she's never realized it before, but it must be hard to be a man. And it's important, I think, not to underestimate the importance of this point when thinking about how miserable the institution of marriage comes off on this show -- with men and women both pressured to fit into identities that clearly don't feel right or comfortable for them, what chance do they have to build a healthy relationship and family? Don's taken aback by this conversational turn, although he tries badly to hide it, but Rachel goes on that she doesn't know what Don actually believes in, but she does know what it's like to feel out of place, to be disconnected. "To see the whole world laid out in front of you the way other people live it. There's something about you that tells me you know it too." Don takes a moment and uncomfortably says he's not sure if that's true, and tries to deflect Rachel's spot-on reading of him by asking if she wants another drink, but she declines. Before she leaves, however, she informs him that he can tell Roger he charmed her, and she'll be back in the office Monday morning for a real meeting. Don says he'd like that, and Rachel heads for the exit...
...but at another door, it's a drunken Pete knocking. Even the exterior doesn't seem nearly nice enough to be his fiancée's place, so it makes more sense when we find out that it's Peggy's apartment, as her roommate answers the door. When Pete asks for Peggy, the roommate goes to get her, and Pete tries to keep from teetering over. It seems a little odd that Pete had the wherewithal to track Peggy down, but all he really would have needed to get her address from Information back in those days was her full name, and I can believe that she told it to him in the off-screen conversation they must have had when Pete first showed up at Don's office. "Marjorie" is wary of the fact that Pete smells like the Bowery, but Peggy tells her it's okay and steps out into the hall and closes the door. Peggy's very much into this, perhaps surprisingly, but that eleven bucks a month has to start going to use sometime. Pete says he's getting married on Sunday, and supposes that Peggy must think he's a creep. You'd think so, wouldn't you? She asks why he's there, probably already knowing the answer but enjoying this part of the dance, and he steps forward and breathes that he wanted to see her tonight. Of course, that's probably the gin talking. Or the vodka, tequila, or whiskey. She asks, "Me?" prompting him to state that he had to see her. We switch to a longer shot as Peggy, never taking her eyes from Pete, opens the door and calls to Marjorie that she's going to bed. But not alone, as she leads Pete inside. That may be a little unexpected, but I'm more thrown by the fact that Pete made it all the way up the stairs without falling and breaking his neck.
Don's on a commuter train, and we cut to him getting off at Ossining. Are we to meant to infer anything about how Don views his home life from the fact that he lives in a town that's home to one of the most notorious prisons in the country? Do I really need to ask these questions? Anyway, it's pouring rain as Don rushes to his car. Sometime later, he pulls up to his house, and oddly dissonant jazzy music is playing as he heads inside and wipes his feet. Anyway, the music fades...
...and we cut the bedroom, as Betty (January Jones) sleepily clicks on a bedside lamp and says she called the office, and they told her he'd left. Yes, Don is married, and he leans in for a kiss as Betty goes on that she assumed he was staying in the city "again," but she smiles as she says she left a plate in the oven for him. They kiss a little, but then Don says he'll be right back...
...and we cut to him heading upstairs and fondly tucking in his young son and daughter. Betty appears in the doorway, and we pull back from this tableau and then into the lane outside as "On The Street Where You Live" kicks up and we fade to black. No wonder everyone was buzzing about this pilot last year. See you for the one!