I Once Was Lost, But Now Am Found

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.

In short: Wow. @$#(. Hummina. And mostly: glurglesplortz.

I'm not going to fake it. I have no idea how to do this as either a recaplet or an immediate review. I've been ruminating on this show since Wednesday, September 22, 2004. Now I've got to cough up something to tide you over until the recap is done, and yet, I'm out of wine, so this is what I like to think of as a blurt.

This was fan service, but I mean that in the highest sense, rather than in its lowest and common sense. One thing I've always wanted, and one thing I've understood about other fans, is that we came for the mystery, but we stayed for the characters. "The End" was perfectly, wonderfully, unapologetically sentimental, and character-driven in every way I'd ever hoped. There were elements that didn't make sense -- or at least don't make sense while the show's wake is still the motion in my ocean. There were things I would have changed. There were things I could have/would have skipped and yet? I wouldn't have missed this for the world, and not just because Richard, Frank and Miles lived to see another day.

Islandways: It all comes down to Jack. He brings the Jacobites to Faucke, who has picked up Desmond (who was freed from the well by either Vincent or Rose and Bernard) along the way. They make their way to the Island's glowhole. Once they're on the outskirts, Jack, Faucke and Desmond sally forth without our other lovelies. Desmond descends into the glowy light, because if you were an all-powerful island, who would you accept in your nether-regions? Once he's there, he pulls a literal cork out of the glowy pool. Everything goes dark and then red, and then there's a devil thing, but that's not important. What's important is that Desmond dies, or seems to.

Then, the island starts falling apart. Now mortal, Faucke books it for his sailboat. He and Jack fight up on the cliffs above Jacob's cave. Finally, Jack prevails, with Kate's help. Faucke dies -- but that's just where the fun begins. The island seems to have missed the memo that we want a happy ending, and continues to fall to pieces. Sawyer and Kate head for the plane, while Hurley, Ben and Jack make their way back to the glowhole. Jack descends, recorks the devil thing, sends Desmond back up on the rope meant to save him (Jack) and as he (Jack, again, did you not watch?) slowly dies, the glowly light is restored. Hurley, who accepted a drink from pre-suicide-mission Jack, is now chief cook and bottle washer of Craphole. He can't do it alone, though, so he makes Ben his lieutenant. Meanwhile, Frank, Richard and Miles have been getting Ajira 316 back into flying shape. Sawyer and Kate hie themselves to Hydra, find Claire, get her aboard and take off. Meanwhile, down by the waterfall and swimming hole, a near-dead Jack comes to and drags himself toward the bamboo grove where this all began.

Sideways: It's the big Faraday/Drive Shaft/David Shephard concert, except David does nothing but escort his knocked-up aunt, Claire, to the shindig. His mother -- MOTHERFREAKING JULIET -- meets him there, but she has to leave to do something at the hospital. That something turns out to be meeting up with Detective James Ford, who is her constant. Claire goes into labor at the gig. Kate takes her backstage and has an epiphany while assisting in the delivery. Once Claire holds Aaron in her arms for the first time, she becomes integrated as well. Then it's Charlie's turn. Meanwhile, at the hospital, Jin and Sun have gone through the same thing, as Juliet showed them the ultrasound. Locke has his surgery and he's fully actualized. Everyone is -- everyone except Jack. He has a disturbing convo with Locke, who tells him David doesn't exist. This sends Jack flying to the concert, which is well and truly over -- and it also sends him flying into Kate's arms. Jack flashes to the Islandways when she kisses him, but he's not ready to let go.

Kate eventually brings Jack to church, where all the Losties are waiting. Ben remains outside. He's not ready yet. Kate enters the front, but tells Jack he should go through the back. Once inside, he finds a coffin, lays his hand on it and has the Full Island Monty, but when he opens the death box, it's empty. Christian appears and tells Jack what he needs to do -- let go. Jack and Christian then enter the sanctuary, which is very Unitarian Jihad. There, everyone is reunited -- all the couples, all the friends, and finally Jack and Kate. Once our Losties are seated, Christian clasps Jack's shoulder and we cut to the...

Islandways: Bloodied and broken, Jack Shephard makes his way to the bamboo grove. Once he finds just the right spot, he lies down. We hear a bark in the distance. When dear old Vincent appears, Jack smiles. Vincent approaches Jack, licks his hand and lies down beside him. He will not die alone.

Back in the Sideways, Christian opens the sanctuary doors to reveal a blinding light.

Islandways: Vincent appears dead. Jack's still alive, though. When he sees an airplane fly overhead, he smiles. We zoom in on his right eye, which closes for the last time.

Sideways; Church: Jack smiles until he and all our beloved are obscured from our view by the light of world.

This was two and a half hours. There's no way to do it justice before deadline. Suffice it to say that this finale warmed my heart and satisfied my brain enough to let me sleep the sleep of the just. I'm sure it will be controversial. I'm sure fan opinion will be divided. I'm sure I've skipped some things, missed other things, and will change my mind here and there by the time I'm done with the full recap, but right now, I'm just closing my eyes and bathing in the warmest light I've ever felt.

I'm starting the full recap, now. Come back to see whether Ben will work out his salvation in fear and trembling, and learn who woke Sayid up to the reality of his life (hint: it wasn't a chicken) and so much more. Until then, please grade the episode in the "forums where we have no coffins, but plenty of tissues.

Want more? The full recap starts right below! The Lost finale promo was set to "The End" by The Doors, rather than "The End" by The Beatles, and now we know why. Spoilers for the entire series were secreted away in the grooves of Abbey Road more than 40 years ago: And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. For all its Colonel Kurtz posturing, it turns out Lost isn't so much about heart-of-darkness-y badness -- it's about purging oneself of it, in order to bask in the warmest light you'll ever feel.

There are points of this epic series and its equally epic finale that don't work for me (and I won't skip 'em), but I got what I needed above all -- emotional satisfaction. Earlier this season, I said: Look, I'm just trying to enjoy these few remaining hours without putting on my ranty pants. Darlton should thank Ronald D. Moore for lowering the bar with his Battlestar Galactica series finale. If, when this series bows, I refrain from beating my head against the fieldstone wall in my backyard, Lost totally wins.

My head and wall are still (mostly) intact. In one sense, that's because I gave up on the mystery, years ago. After a while, it seemed to me that the characters were far more important (to the writers, that is) than the mystery or mythology; they certainly became more important to me. I suspect some Pavlovian extinction thingum is to blame, but I'm too satisfied and spent to conduct the sort of postmortem needed to prove my baseless accusations. It largely comes down to how I've learned to watch TV.

On December 15, 1998 (right after "Amends" aired), Joss Whedon (riffing on DH Lawrence) told the fans at the then official Buffy message board: "Trust the tale, not the teller." It stuck with me, and not just because it aligns itself nicely with my know-it-all-itis. Joss also once said, "Stop watching and the pain will go away," but er...that's hardly helpful after a series finale, huh? Um...let's put that in a magic box and stick to Trust the tale...

I've made a concerted effort to trust Lost above commentary from Damon, Carlton, David Fury (remember that brouhaha?), actors, and the like. Doing so helped me sit back and enjoy the ride more often than not (thought certainly not all the time). I know some fans are furious and some are rapturous (and you in the steady middle, I see you there going about your lives like normal people). I'm truly sorry for those of you who are bitterly disappointed at the end of this remarkable journey. I've been there with other shows, and I know how badly it sucks. I hope that my grasp at closure and understanding will help you find some, too. I come not to praise Caesar but to bury him, or something. (However, I should probably mention, I did buy that big blanket of roses for his casket.) If you're game, pick up your bottle of water (or jug of wine) and follow me back and forth across the island and realities therein entwined, one last time. You ready? Okay.

Previously on Lost: Jacob gives First Holy Island Communion to Jack and reminds him of the bamboo field he first woke up in, right after Oceanic Flight 815 crashed on Craphole, back on Wednesday, September 22, 2004. The Island's lady parts heart is not far from there. That's where the light is; it's where Faucke is trying to go, and is what Jack must protect. Jack asks how long he'll have to do the job. Jacob: "As long as you can." Meanwhile, Faucke and Ben look down into the now-empty Stay-Away-From-That-Well well. Ben: "Looks like someone helped him out." Faucke: "No, Ben. Someone helped me out.[...] I'm going to find Desmond, and when I do, [...] I'm going to destroy the island." Meanwhile, Desmond confesses to Detective James Ford that he ran over John Locke and beat up Dr. Benjamin Linus. Once Ford throws him in a cell with Sayid (and to Kate), Demond's as pleased as punch. When the precinct transfers our favorite felons to county, Des breaks himself and them out -- with the help of Hurley and Rambina. Hurley takes Sayid in his yellow Humvee. Desmond takes Kate (and a slinky black dress) in Hurley's restored classic Camaro.

And now, for the very last time, on Lost, we begin in the Sideways at LAX. The box containing Christian Shephard's casket arrives. Meanwhile, Dr. Jack Shephard is examining a head and neck X-ray in his office. When he holds it up in front of him, his face shines through the skull's image, just in case we're really not clear that Jack is so going to die, brothah.

This opening montage is beautiful, because Michael Giacchino makes it so. Whether it's Jack washing his hands and face in an island stream; Sideways Locke getting wheeled off to the O.R.; Sideways Ben making himself a cup of Earl Grey; Sideways Christian's casket getting moved from plane to carrier to truck; Faucke and Ben by Desmond's well, gathering up their gear; Sawyer tending to Kate's wound; or Sideways Kate waiting patiently in the Camaro, as Desmond greets the truck delivering the casket to a church -- I feel the weight and fight the tears.

Sideways; St. Lamp Post's Church; Exterior: Des greets the Oceanic truck driver in the church parking lot and says he can sign for the body. The driver asks Des if he's a priest or something. Des: "Or something." He's the Scottish Mr. Jordan, I tell you what. When Desmond returns to Kate, she asks who died, and giggles at his answer: "Christian Shephard." The name's a little too-too for her. It's a little late for lantern-hanging, isn't it? Kate wants to know who Des is, what he wants, and why she's there. The answers are simple: special snowflake; Penny; to annoy the Khaters, please one group of 'shippers and scorn the other -- but Desmond can't tell her that. All he can say is that even though she doesn't know him, he's her friend, and what he really wants is to leave. Kate: "Leave and go where?" Des smiles. "Let me show you."

Islandways; Down By the Riverside: Jack is mesmerized by his new mate -- the Island -- so he doesn't catch Kate spying on him from the trees, which is just as well, because she looks nearly as jealous of Craphole as she once was of Juliet. Finally, she sighs and turns away. It's not long before Sawyer approaches Jack. He wants to know what the hell happened during First Holy Island Communion. Jack chuckles. "That makes two of us." Sawyer: "So, you're the new Jacob, huh? Feel any different?" Jack: "Not really." Sawyer: "Well Doc, how about you come down off the mountaintop and tell us what the hell the burning bush had to say for itself." James, since this is the finale, it no longer makes sense for me to speculate, so could you at least leave me the religious wisecracks? Ta.

Jack addresses Hurley, Kate and Sawyer by Jacob's fire which is now just smoke and embers. He's got to go out past the bamboo grove, and over the ridge, to the heart of the island -- a light. Hurley asks what happens if Faucke succeeds in putting it out. Jack says then that's it for all of them. See, he can't really explain it either, but the time for questions is so last season. Kate can't figure why Faucke hasn't already done the deed. Sawyer: "'Cause he ain't got what he needs. I'm guessing that'd be Desmond." He turns to Jack: "That's where we were headed before your inauguration. Sayid said Locke tossed him in a well." Jack confesses Jacob never mentioned Desmond. Sawyer says Jacob didn't say much of anything. Hurley: "That's kinda true, dude. He's worse than Yoda." Kind of true, that is, dude. Worse than Yoda, he is. Hmm. Sawyer tells the other three to head toward the heart, while he gets the "magic leprechaun" out of the well. That's brownie, Himbo. As he heads off, Sawyer turns back to Kate with a smirk. "I'd ask you along, but that'd take all the fun out of me telling you you can't come." Kate smirks right back at him. "Oh, I guess I'll just have to resist the urge to follow you anyway." Besides, today I love Jack best, because he's gonna die, lovah. Hurley: "I've got a bad feeling about this." I know, dude -- right?

Theme Song!

Sideways; Flightline Motel: Hugo Reyes and Sayid Jarrah cruise up in the yellow Hummer. About that: wasn't it just last season that Island-Hurley used an environmentalist guilt-trip on Miles to get him to carpool up to the Swan site? Sayid still has no recollection of Hugo, and begins to go on at length about that fact, but Hugo Whatevers him as he removes a tranq gun from the glove compartment. "None of this is ringing a bell, is it? You, me -- tranquilizer gun?" Sayid's eyes light up. "You are insane." Oh pot, you should have seen yourself over on the other burner. Hugo's fine with that, he just wants Sayid to wait in the car. Sayid: "What if I don't?" Hugo: Then...that's your choice, but if you stick with me, you'll be happy you did." Have a cluckity-cluck-cluck day.

Hugo knocks on a motel room door (either 702 or 102, the top of the number is cut off -- why am I still bothering with numbers?). It's answered by CHARLIE! Okay, right now, he's just Charlie, because he's not only trashed, but also extra-surly, like he was back in the days when I was actively praying for his death. His eyeliner, though, is guaranteed to make the tinhats squeal with delight. It doesn't matter how grumpy Charlie is, Hugo is so gleeful he can barely speak without laughing. This is the first time I cry.

Hugo tells Charlie he's there to pick him up for the concert, but Charlie compares him to Widmore's "other monkey" and insists he's not going. When he turns away, Hugo shoots him in the back with the tranq gun and an "Okay dude, sorry about this." He then slings Charlie over his shoulder and drops him unceremoniously in the back of the gas guzzler. Sayid: "What was that?" Hugo: "That was Charlie."

Islandways: As Kate, Jack and Hurley trek across the island, Kate asks why Jack took the job. Jack says he's supposed to. "The island's all I've got left. It's the only thing in my life I haven't managed to ruin." Kate stops in front of him. "You haven't ruined anything. Nothing is irreversible." Oh man, Jack carries that memory with him to...er...the Sideways. This is the second time I cry, but then Hurley saves me. "This would be so sweet, if we weren't all about to die." Hee! Jack can't help but grin at that, but Kate's unamused by the possibility that her gentleman caller list may soon be halved. They move onward and upward.

Stay-Away-From-That-Well Well: Sawyer spies on Faucke and Ben as they gather their gear. Before he knows it, Ben flanks him, points his rifle at him and says: "As long as you're watching, why don't you join us?" Sawyer is pleased to see the well empty and brags that he knows Faucke wants to use Des to destroy Craphole. He wonders if Faucke plans on going down with the "ship." Faucke: "I'm not going down with anything." Not even OPP? Faucke ignores me. "But you and the rest of Jacob's little 'candidates' absolutely are." Sawyer: "We're not candidates anymore." Wait this is when these characters start sharing information? Seriously? Anyhow, as Faucke aroos at this, Sawyer elbows Ben in the face, confiscates his gun and bids the dynamic duo adieu. "I'll be seein' ya." Ben holds his bloody mouth. "You're not going to go after him?" Faucke doesn't need to. Ben: "When you said you were gonna destroy the island, I thought you were speaking figuratively." Ben, don't even tell me Faucke is sneakier than thou. Tsk. Faucke: "Because I said I'd leave you in charge once I was gone? I'm sorry if I left out the part about the island being on the bottom of the ocean. That being said, you're welcome to join me on my boat. Because once we get Desmond to do what we need him to do, I'm going to sail away from this godforsaken place and watch it sink." And I'll probably get hungry out at sea. Faucke lays off the taunting once he notices tracks near the well and crouches to inspect them. "I think there was a dog here." How does T'OQ manage to make Faucke so adorable from time to time? It's...disturbing.

Speaking of dogs, we cut to Vincent who runs over and licks a sleeping Desmond on the face. He's in Rose and Bernard's camp. After they wish him a good morning, Bernard leaves to check the traps for fish for Desmond's brekkie. Alone at last, Rose pours Desmond some tea and tells him that once he's eaten, he'll have to move on. "We broke our rule with you. [...] We don't get involved. Whatever got you tossed inside a well -- that's the kind of drama Bernard and I don't want anything to do with." Desmond feels you, sister. He wouldn't be back now, had his father-in-law not kidnapped him from the hospital at which he was recovering from a gunshot wound in the milk bottle.

Soon, they're interrupted by Vincent's bark. Bernard follows him back into camp, offering an apology that makes no sense until we see Faucke and Ben bringing up the rear. Faucke greets Rose on the fly, and walks right to Desmond, unsheathing his knife on the way. "I'll make this simple. Come with me now or I'll kill them both right in front of you." Rose's bravery surprises me. She's not getting involved, but she's not letting some damnable Smoke Monster intimidate her guest. "You don't have to go anywhere with him." Faucke ignores her and tells Desmond he'll make the couple's deaths painful. Desmond extracts a promise from Faucke: "I want your word: you won't touch them -- ever." Faucke: "Done." Desmond: "Then I'll do what you want." Faucke: "Yes, Desmond, you will." Need the last word, much?

Jungle: Thunder rumbles overhead as Faucke turns to his newest companion: "Do you have any idea where I'm taking you, Desmond?" For a pony ride! No joke, when my father and his twin were little, they had to have their tonsils out. Their parents told them they were taking them for pony rides. Hey, don't bag on my dearly departed grandparents. They were both orphaned (one actually, one virtually) at an early age. They were good people, but they made up the parenting as they went along. And one huge childhood betrayal provided decades of amusement to multiple generations. And

no, my dad and uncle didn't need therapy. They drank, thank you very much. All right, all right, I'll start a fresh paragraph.

Desmond assumes wherever Faucke's taking him, there's probably a very bright light. Faucke asks why he figures that. Des: "Oh, just a hunch." Then there's this funny noise. Faucke turns to Ben: "What was that?" Ben's face is all Desmond cut the cheese, as he says, "What was what?" After Faucke turns, Ben reaches in his pocket and switches off the walkie he snagged from Widmore.

New Otherton Outskirts: Miles' efforts to reach Ben on the walkie are to no avail, so he wakes up Richard who is totally alive. Hooray! They decide to take the C4 to Hydra Island and blow up that plane.

Sideways: Detective Miles Straume is just getting out of his car at the concert venue, when he sees Hugo and Sayid drive by. Miles calls and reports this to his partner, Detective James Ford, on account of the fact that they think Sayid popped four people in cold blood, which is totally not true. He popped three of them in the heat of the moment and Jin took care of the fourth. Jim says it's not possible, since he shipped Sayid off to county. Miles informs him he called there first; Sayid never showed up. Jim will head over to St. Sebastian's to interview the survivor -- Ms. Paik. "Enjoy your concert, Enos. I'll keep her safe."

Hospital; Sun's room: The roses on Sun's nightstand are white, not yellow. Jin and Sun are trying to decide what to do once she's discharged and whether they can keep running from the long arm of Daddy Paik, when they're interrupted by her doctor. It's JULIET! She can see from Sun's record that they don't speak English so she gets right down to doing an ultrasound. As soon as Juliet touches the transducer to her patient's abdomen, the deja vu brings on Sun's flashbacks. The first thing she remembers is Juliet giving her an ultrasound on Craphole. When Sun gasps, Juliet asks if she's okay as Jin jumps to his feet. Sun cries tears of joy as she (in Korean) says, "I remember." When she realizes Jin's not quite there yet, she is speechless, but when Juliet points at the monitor and says, "There it is; there's your baby," Jin's head springs up. Now it's his turn. He sees: Himself freezing Sun out on the beach, and beaten and bloodied at Michael's hand. Their reunion after the fateful raft trip. Cozying up in their shelter at night and stroking her still flat pregnant belly. Their visions merge. There's newborn Ji Yeon. Jin on the freighter. Sun on the helicopter. The explosion. Their three-years-in-the-making reunion on Hydra Island. Their deaths in the bowels of the submarine.

Once the visions end, Jin flops back in his chair as the suddenly-legless are wont to do. In Korean, Sun asks, "Did you see?" Jin nods and grunts. Juliet asks, "Do you see the little flutter, right there? That's the baby's heartbeat. Perfectly perfect in every way." She tells them she has the amnio results and that all is well -- she can even tell them the baby's sex if they'd like to know. Okay, nitpick. Amniocentesis is done in conjunction with an ultrasound. Don't take my word for it. I know, I know, small thing to take me out of such a beautiful moment, but it did, just the same. You doctors need to play along with this healthcare reform thang. Sun turns to Jin and speaks in English. "It's a girl." Juliet's eyebrows go up, because it totally is. Jin tells the good doctor: "Her name is Ji Yeon." Juliet: "That's a lovely name, and for the record, you two speak English just fine." They laugh as she congratulates them and leaves the room. Once they're alone, Jin leans forward and presses his forehead against Sun's. This is the third time I cry. Commercial.

Sawyer runs through the jungle to catch up with Jack, Kate and Hurley. He updates them on Faucke's plan to destroy the island and (sit down for this part) then says, "You were right, Doc." Oh, Sawyer you handsome thing. I'm so proud of you. The Island must be nearly done with you, now. He doesn't have time for my positive reinforcement. He's too concerned that Faucke will find Desmond before they do, but Jack says it doesn't matter. "We're all going to the same place, anyway." Sawyer: "Then what?" ["We saved the world. I say we party." --Buffy] Jack nods for a moment. "Then it ends." When he marches off, his friends wait a moment. Kate falls in line first, then Hurley, and finally Sawyer. Same as it ever was.

Sideways: Dr. Jack Shephard finds his patient John Locke in some pre-op hallway. While they're chewing the fat, Locke asks Jack if he's sure this will work. Jack: "Well, there's always the chance that I could kill you, but I'm trying to make you feel better." Amused, Locke says "Let's do it." Jack: "All right. I'll see you on the other side." Jack, thankfully, has no plans to sucker Locke out of a kidney. Before he leaves, Locke asks if they ever found his father's remains. Jack just got the phone call this morning. Locke: "Well, I hope that brings you some peace." Jack: "If I can fix you, Mr. Locke, that's all the peace I'll need." Oh Jack, if you only knew. Here's hoping the fix is in, in both realities, baby.

Islandways; Dock: Richard and Miles are loading their gear into the outrigger when the writers decide we need more foreshadowing. Richard: "It's going to be a hell of a storm." Miles points to his own head as he non sequiturs: "Welcome to the club." Richard has a grey hair! Miles plucks it out to show him. Richard smiles. "I think I just realized that I wanna live." Huh. A couple of centuries of youth, wasted on the young.

We cut to the guys out on the water. They're startled when a bobbing body smashes into their boat. Damn, he looks like David Fury. Perhaps this is the fulfillment of the fabled master plan False alarm. It's just the corpse of one of the sub crew members. But then a chesty voice cries out to them from a little bit away. It's FRANK, which we knew had to happen. He couldn't have died on the sub; the island isn't done with him yet, because it wants him to fly home those with whom it is done in a non-deadly way. Er... I'm guessing. After they give Frank some water, he asks what they're doing out there. Richard tells him they're going to Hydra to blow up the plane... "because the Black Smoke wants to get off the island. We have to stop that thing from leaving." Frank: "Well, if we leave, that thing won't have a plane anymore." Richard: "Yeah, and how we gonna do that?" Frank: Did you not read what Cindy just wrote...er... "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a pilot." Miles, who has actually flown with Frank, laughs like this is a delightful surprise.

Treeline: Faucke exits the jungle followed by Ben and a limping Desmond. They meet Sawyer, Kate, Jack and Hurley on a grassy slope. As Faucke says that it's going to be interesting, Kate grabs Sawyer's gun and starts firing at Faucke, yelling, "You killed them." Des and Ben drop to the ground, but Faucke walks right the faucke toward her. After she fires five shots Sawyer manages to wrest the gun away. Faucke: "You might want to save your bullets." Khaters: For yourself.

Finally, Faucke and newly Jacobized Jack come face to face. Faucke: "So it's you? [...] Jacob, being who he is -- I expected to be a little more surprised. You're sort of the obvious choice, don't you think?" The two-headed Darlton-beast pops its furry heads out of the jungle to do the Dance of Intra-textually Deflected Criticism. Jack makes sure to point out he wasn't chosen; he volunteered. Faucke knows Jack's there to stop him. Jack acknowledges he can't. "In fact, I wanna go with you." Faucke: "I'm sorry, Jack. I think you're a little confused about what I came here to do." Jack knows well enough that Faucke is a glowhole hound. Just because he's just been knighted Human Chastity Belt doesn't mean Jack's above a little trash talk, though. "You think you're going to destroy the island." Faucke: "I think?" Jack says yeah, but it's so not going down like that: "I'm gonna kill you." Desmond, Ben, Sawyer, and Kate all play Look at the balls on Doc. Faucke: "How do you plan to do that?" Jack: "That's a surprise." Pony ride!

Sideways; St. Sebastian's: Juliet and Jack meet up and are all smiles and doctor - doctor to each other. Right after he gives her the tickets to that night's big concert, David joins them and asks about the very same tickets. Jack gets to be our anti-climax boy: "I just gave 'em to your mom." Darlton, being what it is -- I expected to be a little more surprised. That's sort of the obvious choice, don't you think? Nah. I'm so satisfied with this and I'll get to that later, I promise. Juliet hands the tickets to David, who asks Jack: "Who is going to take yours?" Jack suggests they take Auntie Claire. That's fine with Juliet, because this divorce is better than most marriages. "In fact, I'm very curious to meet this mysterious sister you never mentioned the entire time we were married." Jack: "Well, I'm sure you're going to love her. She's extremely pregnant." They laugh together and make me reconsider my long-standing quadrangle division picks (Jack/Kate; Juliet/Sawyer). Stop that, you two. There's not enough time. Seeming to hear me, Juliet puts her arm around her son's shoulder and they head toward the elevator, bless her. I mean, I'm used to Kate and Sawyer messing with my heart weekly; I don't need it from Juliet and Jack, too. When the door opens, Detective James Ford exits. He doesn't seem to notice Juliet. I find the dynamite I squirreled away from the Black Rock and try to blow myself to kingdom come, but the Island isn't done with me, yet. Meanwhile, James asks at the desk for Sun Paik's room.

Sidebar; Jungle: Sawyer wants to know what lethal surprise Jack has in store for Faucke. Jack explains: he thinks Desmond is a weapon. Sawyer rolls his eyes. "That is a Hell of a long con, Doc." Granted, the boys are bringing up the rear, but I still hope Faucke's hearing is shot from all the ticka ticka rattle clanking.

When they reach the bamboo grove, Faucke draws his knife and says he thinks it's time for him, Desmond and Jack to take it from there. He then sheaths his knife again, and the useless action pulls me out of the moment. As Des and Jack start off after Faucke, Hurley hustles to catch up. "Jack!" Jack turns as I'm screaming at Hurley to stay put with Sawyer, Kate and Ben, because in that group, he's the last person anyone would kill. When I stop, Hurley looks up at Jack: "I believe in you, dude." This is the 4th time I cry.

As thunder rumbles a way off, Faucke looks up. "Gonna be a bad one." THIS IS FORESHADOWING THAT THEY'RE NOT OFF TO FIND PUPPIES AND LOLLIPOPS.

When they reach the stream in front of the glow cave, Faucke announces: "We're here," and proceeds to anchor a length of rope to a nearby tree. Over by the mouth of the cave, Jack ties the other end around Desmond, who tells him, "This doesn't matter, you know." Audience: Excuse me?! Jack: "Excuse me?" Des: "Him destroying the island, you destroying him. It doesn't matter. I mean, you're gonna lower me into that light, and I'm gonna go somewhere else -- a place where we can be with the ones we love, and not have to ever think about this damn island again." SPOILERS, DES. "And you know the best part, Jack? [...] You're in this place. You know, we sat to each other on Oceanic 815. It never crashed. We spoke to each other. You seemed happy. You know, maybe I can find a way to bring you there too." Jack eyeballs Des, looking for his flask of MacCutcheon's, but it's too well hidden, so he decides to play along with the crazy Scot. "Desmond, I tried that once. There are no shortcuts, no do-overs. What happened, happened. Trust me. I know. All of this matters." Faucke puts on his best Cary Grant: "Shall we?" The light is dimmer than it was the last time he entered this cave in his first human body. The stream, now split in two, is shallower, more gentle. Des and Jack lead the way until they reach the waterfall that leads to the light. Commercial.

Sideways; Night: Sayid and Hugo sit in the SUV, staking out some dive bar. Sayid wants answers, but Hugo says he's not allowed to give them. "There are rules, dude." Sayid: "Whose rules?" Hugo: "Don't worry about it. Just trust me, okay? I trust you." Sayid can't imagine why he would. Hugo: "I think you're a good guy, Sayid. You know, a lot of people have told you that you're not. Maybe you've heard it so may times you started believing it. You can't let other people tell you what you are, dude. You have to decide that for yourself." Sayid: "I'm sorry. You clearly don't know anything about me." Hugo's eyes light up. "I know a lot about you, dude." This is the fifth time I cry.

Soon, two men come out and start fighting. One punches the other and throws him into the gutter. They're joined by a leggy blonde woman who screams, "Hey, leave my brother alone." I don't have to pretend it's not Shannon, right? Okay. It's Shannon, which must mean it's also Boone (in the gutter -- alas, poor Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity; don't fret, child, you'll do much better on The Vampire Diaries).

When the bad guy pushes Shannon down into a pile of trash, Sayid bursts out of the Hummer, overpowers him and reaches out to Shannon. When they touch, they flash back to their (brief, yeah, I know, I'll hit that later) time together on the island. Once he helps her to her feet, Shannon achieves awareness, first. "Sayid." He's right there with her. "Shannon."

As the couple kisses, we cut to Hugo and Boone, over at the gas guzzler. Boone: "I just got pounded, man. Thanks for taking your sweet time." Hugo shrugs. "It takes as long as it takes." Boone: "It was a pain in the ass getting her here from Australia." Hugo: "Yeah, but dude, it was worth it." We cut to Sayid and Shannon making out, which I believe means they agree with Hugo. Boone squints. "Should I go get them?" Hugo watches the couple as he thinks it over. "Nah, let's give them a minute." As Boone nods and laughs we cut to Shannon, who is eating Sayid's face. Can you blame her?

Islandways: Impotent, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley and Ben wait on the edge of the bamboo forest. Finally, Miles breaks their silence via walkie-talkie. "Linus, are you there?" He tells the Jack-o-bites that he, Frank and Richard just got to Hydra and are on their way to the plane. Ben cautions him not to blow it up. Miles explains they're not going to; they're going to fly it off the island. "Just get over here, now." Their conversation is cut short by poor, crazy Claire who fires warning shots too close for comfort. That pretty much terminates Miles' end of the conversation, but not before Kate hears enough to (finally) remember (again) why she came back to Craphole. Claire is afraid Faucke sent Miles, Richard and Frank to kill her. Richard does hi

s very best explaining; they're leaving and Claire should come with. Claire: "No." She slings her rifle over her shoulder and walks off, leaving the boys befuddled.

Main Island; Glowhole: Faucke and Jack lower Desmond down nice and easy. After a while, Faucke smiles. "This remind you of anything, Jack? [...] Desmond -- going down into a hole in the ground. If there was a button down there to push, we could fight about whether or not to push it. It'd be just like old times." BLASPHEMER! Jack agrees with me. "You're not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face, but you're nothing like him. Turns out he was right about most everything. I just wish I could have told him that while he was still alive." I wish you had believed me. Faucke lies: "He wasn't right about anything, Jack. And when this island drops into the ocean, and you drop with it, you're finally gonna realize that." Jack: "Well, we'll just have to see which one of us is right, then." Guess he shot his quotable wad on that wearing-his-face thing.

Sideways; Classical-Rock Fusion Concert: Juliet -- waiting in line with David and Claire -- is paged by the hospital. She kisses David as she makes her excuses, then addresses her new ex-sister-in-law: "We'll get to know each other better, I hope?" Claire agrees and once Juliet is gone, she links her arm in David's. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, kid." And I've been trying to hold my commentary to the end and not interpret things too much during the recap proper, but Claire is so much smaller than even Jack's Mini-Me that I can't help but feel like I'm watching Claire and Jack experience the childhood they never shared in life.

Backstage: Charlotte wakes Charlie who -- (still) smashed and surly -- attempts to come on to this goddess. She's all whatever, wake up, you're with the band, scumbum. Charlie blurts: "I was shot by a fat man." Thankfully, Charlotte doesn't have to respond to that, because it's then that she sees Daniel. They don't have the full-on epiphany the other characters have experienced, but they stutter, stammer and can't take their eyes off one another. Since they've just shaken hands when we cut away, it's only a matter of time before the most chaste love story ever ignites -- you know, like the world's tiniest sparkler.

David and Claire join Desmond and Kate at table 23. Des is pleasantly surprised when he realizes Claire and Kate have met before. Their reunion is cut short, though, by Pierre Chang and his introduction of Mr. Daniel Widmore and Drive Shaft. We don't actually hear much classical-rock fusion. It's mostly Giacchino and I'm glad for that. Besides, Charlie is letting his bass hang limp in front of him. He's noticed Claire and is enraptured. She's intrigued by his attention, but then her labor starts. She tells her nephew she's heading to the ladies room, but Kate knows enough to follow along where she's not invited, because she's Kate. She squeezes the shoulder of her erstwhile lover's son as she follows his auntie backstage. Desmond looks like he's front row at the best sideshow ever.

Islandways: At the bottom of the waterfall, Desmond frees himself from Faucke's rope and wanders past the skeletons of those who were not so uniquely immune to electromagnetism. The cavern is full of stalactites, stalagmites and possibly fibroid tumors. The glow emanates from the center of a pool. There's an actual (stone) cork sticking out of its center. I will not call it a tampon. I will not call it a tampon. Desmond takes a deep breath and steps into the water. Smokey-esque noises start once both of his feet are submerged. The light comes in staccato bursts. He screams in pain; his nose bleeds. Up above, Faucke and Jack are riveted. Des struggles to the center and finally pops the cork; the Smokey noises diminish; the water flowing into the pool slows; the pool drains; the light dims and then goes out. Desmond, now out of the pool, looks around -- surprised he hasn't been whisked away to Happy Penny Heaven. The cavern is dark for a moment, before an eerie red glow fills the place. And then, the most awesome thing in forever happens. The unplugged glowhole morphs into TUBEY! Okay, a depressed Tubey...possibly in Darth Vader drag. Seriously. Click here and check it out.

The Tubeyhole is an extra-flamey hole. The cavern shakes. Desmond screams, "Nooooo!" Up above, Jack winces while Faucke points his finger and gloats. "It looks like...you were wrong." He rises with a smirk. "Goodbye, Jack." As he exits the cavern, he's almost done in by falling rocks, which better not be hinting at some Rocks fall; everyone dies ending. He dodges the rocks better than he dodges Jack -- who comes tearing out after him and tackles him. Jack overwhelms his nemesis and, straddling him, punches him right in the face. And what do you know -- Faucke starts to bleed from the mouth. He's mortal, now! Jack gets cocky. "Looks like you were wrong, too." He starts to choke Faucke, who grabs a nearby rock and beans Jack with it. Jack's down. Faucke grabs his backpack (which was originally Jack's right? -- why does he even want it) and takes off, leaving a stunned Jack lying on the ground. Commercial.

Sideways; Concert; Backstage: Kate finds a laboring Claire and sends some random roadie after a doctor, then gets Claire to lie down on the couch. Meanwhile, out in the audience, Eloise and her gigantic hair sit down at Desmond's table. "I thought I made it clear that you were to stop this." Des: "Perfectly clear. I chose to ignore you." Yeah Des, but that hair won't be denied. Eloise asks what will happen once "they know." Des says they're leaving. Hair Bear looks longingly at her boy, who is in the middle of the lamest concert in the world, then asks Des, "Are you going to take my son?" He gently lays his hand over hers. "Not with me, no." Goodbye, Eloise. time around, maybe think about giving up spoilers.

Backstage, Kate is coaching Claire, who warns her the baby is coming, now. Of course it's then that Charlie wanders backstage. Claire snarls: "WHO ARE YOU?" Charlie: "I'm with the band." Oh, dear. Kate saves his life by sending him for blankets and water and then she sets out to deliver Aaron for the second time (third if you count Sawyer's seeing her do it during the time jumps). The second time she tells Claire to push, she flashes back to Aaron's island birth. It's brief, but it's enough to bring her to tears. Claire's still laboring and crying so Kate kind of shakes it off and tells her to push again. Kate's flashback lasts much longer this time. When it's done and her epiphany is complete, a single, perfect womanly tear rolls down her cheek.

We hear Aaron cry and when Claire finally sees him, she flashes to the first time Kate handed her her newborn. Confusion and pain mingle with the joy on her face, and Kate hands Aaron right over. How frigging funny would it have been if she'd taken the baby and run? I mean, that's what Kate does, yeah? As Claire holds the baby, she cries and flashes back to his original birth. Back in the Sideways she says, "It's Aaron. It's Aaron." She breaks my heart as does The Look the two women share.

Charlie returns. "I brought a blanket." Claire and Kate realize who he is. When Kate thanks him, he already has a tear welling up underneath his right eye. "It's just a blanket." Kate: "Then go ahead and bring it to her." Charlie mutters that he couldn't find any water as he crouches by Claire's side and covers her up. When she takes his hand, the flashbacks begin. Poor hugely pregnant Claire trying to sit gracefully, that first night on the island. Imaginary peanut butter. In the present, Claire say

s his name. He flashes again. Claire and Charlie laugh by the fire. He plays guitar while she trims his hair. Claire scoops up Aaron, brings him to Charlie and kisses him on the cheek. Claire kisses him on the lips. Back in the present, his face positively crumbles. He grabs her face, she caresses his. Aaron cries. They kiss. Kate looks at them with a mixture of love and loneliness. Then Charlie starts talking to the crying Aaron. This is the sixth time I cry. But I'm a little miffed about that, which I'll address in my commentary. Can't do it now, because here's Desmond -- coming to retrieve Kate and send her on Mission Impossible: Wake-Up-Jack.

Islandways; Jungle: The storm is in high-gear now. The earthquakes come fast and furious. Ben, bless him, saves Hurley from a falling tree, only to be pinned under it, himself.

Glow Cave Exterior: Jack wakes and runs back in the still red cave, hollering down into the Tubeyhole for Desmond, but when he pulls on the rope, he realizes Desmond's no longer tethered to it. He exits, and takes off in the pouring rain.

Jungle: Sawyer, Hurley and Kate struggle to free Ben. When there's yet another earthquake, Kate asks what's happening. Sawyer: "I'll tell you what's happening. Locke was right. This island's going down." Just then, Miles makes contact with them on the walkie. Kate asks if he's with Claire. Over on Hydra, which is also being rocked with the quake, Miles says, "She's here, but she doesn't want to come with us." He then explains that Frank is trying to repair the plane so they can take off. When Miles asks how long he needs, Frank says five or six hours. Richard looks around at the crumbling island. "You've got maybe...one." Miles yells into the walkie: "Get your asses over here. We're leaving in an hour." Back in the main island jungle, Sawyer says his penultimate "Son of a bitch." And then: "How the hell are we supposed to get over there?" Ben: "I know how we can get there." I think he's going to bargain for his own rescue before telling them, but he comes right out with it. "Locke has a boat." Saving Hurley at your own expense and then speaking the truth without a beating? Bravo, Ben. Bravo.

Jacob's Cliff: Faucke stands on the cliff in the downpour. He's just about to descend Jacob's ladder and swim for the waiting Elizabeth, when Jack appears screaming, "LOCKE!" Instead of diving into the water and swimming for the boat, he draws his knife, again, and charges at Jack who has the high-ground advantage. Jack runs toward his assailant and does a Matrix-y leap right into...COMMERCIAL.

After the break, we get to see the leap from a different angle. It's far less Matrix-y and less cool, this time, but it sends both Jack and Faucke a-tumbling. I am not your action recapper, but Jack gets in a good punch, crotch-kick, and headlock, before Faucke dishes out any real punishment. The men end up on the ground. Poor John Locke, even when his corpse has been taken over by a Smoke Monster, he's a perpetual bottom. The knife goes flying somewhere in there. A wide shot during another earthquake reveals a chunk of the cliff crumbling into the ocean. As Jack chokes him, Faucke grabs his knife and stabs Jack right in the appendectomy scar, knocks him off, and straddles him. The wee Faucke who has been lurking under my couch for two seasons pops out. Who's a 'bottom' now? Since he's currently mortal, I pick him up, snap his wee neck and flush him down the toilet. Buh bye.

Meanwhile, back on the Island, Faucke tries to stab Jack in the neck. Jack grabs his arm, and prevents the plunge, but not the NECK NICK! Jack struggles for his life, while Faucke gloats like a Batman villain. "I want you to know, Jack, you died for nothing." As more blood seeps from Jack's neck, a shot rings out and Faucke topples over. Up above is none other than my girl Kate, snarling to put the Grrr in girl. "I saved you a bullet!" Hee. Faucke, precipitously close to the edge, tries to lift himself up. There's another earthquake. Faucke looks up. "You're too late." Jack rolls his eyes and kicks the faucker right off the cliff. Faucke smashes into the cliff face and lands on a rock shelf below. Dead. YAY!

Sideways; St Sebastian's: As a post-op Locke is returned to his room, a nurse congratulates Dr. Shephard on his good work, but then asks: "What happened to your neck?" Jack checks the spot that's been troubling him since his flight on Oceanic 815 and discovers it's bleeding again. Jack: It's faucked. "Damn it."

Locke's room: Jack tells the nurse that he's going to grab a shower and try to catch the end of the concert, but she notices Locke is waking up. She says this all disturbed-like, which annoys me, because when you have surgery, they wake you in the recovery room, long before they bring you back to your room. I realize the point is to get Jack alone with Locke, but there are a million other ways to do that, including Jack just stopping by after surgery to follow up with a patient who was first an acquaintance. (Sorry, my oldest just had surgery days ago, so this stuff is on my mind.) Jack then employs the highly technical skill of calling Locke's name to fully wake him, even though he stayed behind because it was of some concern that he was waking so soon. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Darlton? Was this scene written after an all-night kegger?

When Locke opens his eyes, Jack reminds him he just had major surgery, so he should relax (you know, like he was doing when he was asleep) and try not to move. Groggy, Locke says, "It worked." Per Jack, surgery went well, but it's too soon to tell. Locke interrupts to insist it worked. "I can feel my legs." When Jack tries to explain how unlikely that is, Locke wiggles his toes in response, and lets out a soft whoa. Jack lifts the sheet to see what's going on, so Locke wiggles his bare, left foot. While Jack is perplexed and pleased, Locke is in the middle of his epiphany. He flashes back to the first time he saw his Gold-Toe clad feet wiggling on the Island. Locke's flashbacks: Creepy orange-peel smile. Teaching Walt to throw a knife. Reveling in the rain with Boone by his side. Facing Smokey.

In the present, John moans and asks Jack: "Did you see that?" Jack: "See what?" Locke's face collapses into one of those smiley cries. He shakes his head. "You don't remember?" Jack then flashes to the memory Faucke tried to evoke, Islandways: Jack and Locke looking down into the hatch for the first time. Back in the present, Jack shakes it off and tells Locke to relax, but Locke insists they need to go. Jack reminds him he just had extensive surgery. Locke gives him a thousand watt smile, which just makes Jack uneasier. Jack starts out. "I need to go see my son." Locke (confused): "You don't have a son." Dammit, I knew that kid was going to disappear. Jack stops at the doorway. "What?" Locke: "You don't have a son, Jack." They're interrupted by the nurse. Jack takes this opportunity to flee, asking her to give Locke something to help him rest. Before he leaves, Locke calls out to him. "Jack! I hope that somebody does for you -- what you just did for me." Jack stares until his eyes fill with Jears. Locke's eyes are shining too, nearly as bright as his smile. Commercial.

Islandways; Cliff: It's sunny as Kate helps Jack to his feet and away from the edge of the cliff. When he falls, she sees his gut wound. "Jack!" He's all tough. "I'm fine. Find me some thread and I can count to five." Kate tries to laugh, but doesn't quite succeed. It doesn't matter, because the cavalry is here. ["Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here." --

_part_ii.php?page=8">Xander] -- sorry.

Sawyer, Hurley and Ben run to Jack and Kate, who fill them in on Faucke's possibly timely demise. Kate pronounces it "over" but you know -- there's still an hour left (holy crap). Sawyer peers over the edge of the cliff to see Faucke's twisted corpse for himself. When the earth moves, but not in a cage sex way, the gang is tossed hither and thither. Sawyer: "Sure don't feel like it's over."

Sideways; Sun's Hospital Room: Sun's up and all dressed in street clothes. She and Jin are just about ready to leave when they're visited by Detective James Ford. Jin smiles at him like a fangirl and nods approvingly at the badge -- tickled pink that the bitter con man he once knew, who he watched take over the Dharma Initiative's Security Force, has chosen well in this plane of existence. James is undone by grinning Jin, so he whips out Sayid's mugshot and explains he escaped. A uniformed officer will be assigned to keep them safe. Sun tells him he doesn't have to do that. "It's okay. I am safe." They leave Ford behind as they walk out. Jin beams at Ford, over his shoulder. "We'll see you there." When the door closes, James cries out in frustration: "See me where?"

Islandways; Hydra; Ajira 316: Because Miles has two summers' worth of experience renovating apartments, Frank deems him able to fix an airplane's faulty hydraulics with just a page of schematics, a flashlight and some duct tape. Richard goes with him and the whole thing is so absurd I don't even have to make a joke here. Frank is doing whatever else when Ben calls on the walkie. "Frank, how's it going over there? What's your timetable?" Frank yells, "Don't bother me," and throws the walkie down on the co-pilot's seat. Great, Frank. Where's God supposed to sit?

Main Island; Jacob's Cliff: Ben deadpans: "Sounds like they're making progress." Another tremor knocks our Jack-o-bites down but not out. While Sawyer insists they leave now, Kate fills in for the audience. "I don't understand; Locke's dead. Why is this still happening?" Jack: "Because whatever Desmond turned off -- I need to turn it back on, again. But if it doesn't work -- if I don't get it done -- you all need to leave now. You need to be on that plane." Oh Jack, couldn't you let Ben do that part? Kate's with me. Well, she doesn't mention Ben by name, but still.... She tells Jack to come with them; he doesn't have to seduce turn on the island. Jack says he must. Kate crouches down in front of him. "Let the island sink, Jack." Jack shakes his head. "I can't." Kate walks off a little, to regroup. If a wet t-shirt can't convince him, what can? Meanwhile, Sawyer tells Jack he can pilot the Elizabeth across the channel to Hydra in time. Jack rises and walks to him, bloody hand held out. Sawyer grasps it firmly; they shake. "Good luck to you, James." I lived with Kate once, and believe you me, I'm still making it up to my liver. Sawyer: "Thanks, Doc. For everything." They make out...with their eyes. Ben interrupts their moment and tosses his walkie to Sawyer with a shrug. "If the Island's going down, I'm going down with it." Meanwhile, Jack calls Hurley Hugo because he's noticed how careful I've been to call him Hurley on the Island and Hugo in the Sideways, and he likes to mess with me. He tells him he'd better get going, but Hurley refuses. He's not climbing down that cliff -- no way. "I'm with you, dude." Jack chortles. "Okay."

Jack comes over all Casablanca as he makes his way over to Kate to tell her she has to get Victor Laszlo Claire on that plane. He then says a hundred unspoken things with head bobs and deep breaths. Another single, perfect, womanly tear streams over Kate's freckles as she says, "Tell me I'm going to see you again." His lips move but no sound comes out. He shakes his head. He nods. He might be having a seizure. Nope. That's not it. Finally, finally, FINALLY -- Kate kisses him. Up on the windswept cliff, she kisses his lips right off. When they part, she's crying. "I love you." Jack's joy melts into pretty pretty man-pain. "I love you." He holds his gut as he walks away. Hurley follows right behind him. Ben completes the Jack-o-bite trinity. Kate swallows her sobs. This is the seventh time I cry.

Hydra; Plane: As Miles tapes (!!!) up the plane's hydraulics system, Richard asks, "Can you fix it?" Miles: "I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape." Word. Soon there's another tremor. We cut to...

Main Island; Jacob's Cliff: Sawyer calls "Chesty" on the walkie. In a cut to Hydra, we see Richard answer, but when Sawyer says they're on their way in the sailboat and not to leave without them, Frank snatches it away. "We're getting off the ground while there's still ground to get off -- so if you wanna go, you'd better get your asses in gear." He throws the walkie onto God's seat, again. Back on the cliff, Sawyer yells, "Lapidus, Lapidus," and when he gets no answer, he utters his last Island "Son of a bitch." *Respectful pause*

Tossing down his backpack, he tells Kate they've got to jump. Now, for the last hour and 40 minutes or so, Kate's been holding her left arm at a right angle, on account of her gunshot wound to the shoulder. She looks at James then looks over the edge to the ocean far, far below, says, "I'll see you at the boat," and then RAISES BOTH ARMS IN THE AIR and jumps in feet first. Now that's some Island healing. In a feeble attempt to distract us from the actor and director's choice with the arm thing, Sawyer dives HEAD FIRST into unknown waters on a rocky shore. It almost works -- until I notice Kate's strong, smooth strokes as she swims out to the Elizabeth. Heh.

Sideways; St. Sebastian's: Detective James Ford is walking down the hospital corridor when he passes Jack, who -- in his suit (and sans ID tag) -- could be a doctor, but he could be a lawyer, a banker or a confidence man. As they pass, Sawyer asks where he can get some "grub." Jack: "Uh, the cafeteria's closed, but there's a vending machine down the hallway." Sawyer nods. "Thanks, Doc." Jack's slightly taken aback, but he's been shaking off bigger things all season, so he just says, "No problem." Sawyer's eyes follow him. The wee Kate who lives in the cabinet with my hair products says: "You checking him out?" Wee Jack hops off my son's sling. "What?" Wee Kate: "No harm in it." Wee Saywer (to Wee Jack): "If I was checking you out, you'd know it." Wee Kate: "Yeah, so then what were you thinking right now?" Wee Sawyer: "Well I sure as hell wasn't thinking that." Oh wee triangle, how I'll miss you. I must smish you, now.

Vending Machine: Sawyer puts his dollar in and selects the classic Apollo Bar, which gets stuck, because Jacob's dead and can't give it a nudge. He drops to his knees and sticks his hand up inside of the machine. Just as he realizes he's not going to be able to reach the candy, Dr. JULIET Carlson walks in. James' eyes travel slowly up her form as she asks, "Can I help you?" He straightens up. "It's okay. I'm a cop." Juliet: "Mmm. Maybe you should read the machine its rights." Hee. James lets a little laugh escape, but then ruins it by saying, "That's funny." Good thing this isn't an episode of Seinfeld. Juliet tells him the secret to life, the universe and everything not answered by 42. It's also an answer to Jack's dilemma over on the island. "If you unplug it and then you plug it back in again, the candy just drops right down." James: "Is that right?" Juliet: "Yes, and it's technically legal." They're having so much eyesex I'm afraid they'll go blind, so it's good that Jimbo moves to the outlet. When he unplugs the machine, the lights go out. James: "Oops." Juliet chuckles as she gets his candy. "

ity.com/show/lost/la_x_part_ii_2.php?page=4">It worked." I've seen a lot of people questioning this, so I just want to confirm: yep. That's the source of the message Miles heard from her corpse or spirit or whatever, back on Craphole. Remember, Juliet was straddling both realities as she died. She must have seen this happen right before her death -- after the "coffee" conversation. Yes it was a misdirect. This is a mystery show. It was resolved. I don't see any problem with it, even though I was wrong about what it meant, too. It's not like her dying words (as opposed to those Miles heard after she was dead) weren't meaningful. Speaking of...it's time for that, right now.

When James grabs the Apollo bar from Juliet, they flash instantly and simultaneously. Dharmaville kitchen kissing. Talking on the dock late at night. Back in the present, Juliet and James jump to their feet and back. James: "Whoa. Did you feel that?" Juliet's trying to catch her breath. She closes the gap between them. "We should get coffee sometime." James would love to, but the machine ate his money; he's only got one buck left. Juliet (tearfully): "We could go Dutch." We flash to a dying Juliet saying that in the hatch pit. In the present, she grabs his candy bar hand. Kitchen embrace. Dock talk. Spooning in their Dharmaville bed. Kissing, hugging, sunflowering. Sad talk by the window. James holding onto Juliet so she won't fall down the Swan shaft. Their hands slipping apart. James screaming.

In the present, James finally says her name. "Juliet. Juliet it's me." Her eyes are closed. He grabs her face in his hands. She caresses his cheeks. He takes her into his arms and she sobs on his shoulder as he strokes her hair and comforts her. "It's me, baby," and then, "I gotcha. I gotcha, baby." Weeping, she pulls her head off his shoulder to look him in the eyes. Her laughter bubbles up through her tears. "Kiss me, James." James: "You got it, Blondie." Their kisses close out the scene. This is the 8th time I cry.

Sideways; Concert: Jack arrives at the concert to find only the stragglers left. He takes his phone out (to call his son who no longer exists?) and that's when she comes strutting out from under the tent. "It's over." Jack flips his phone closed. "Excuse me?" Kate gestures behind her. "The concert -- it's over." While Jack is agitated, Kate looks like she just had the best spa day ever. She cocks her head playfully. "You lookin' for someone?" Jack scans the grounds as he answers. "Yeah. My son. I was supposed to bring him here tonight, and then I couldn't come, and..." Kate stares into his eyes until he chuckles. He says, "I'm sorry," as he walks toward her. "Where do I remember you from?" Kate: "I stole your pen." Jack laughs. "What?" Kate: "Uh, Oceanic 815 from Sydney. I bumped into you coming out of the bathroom. I stole your pen. Jack: "And that's how I know you?" Kate's voice is raspy, her eyes -- sad. "No, that's not how you know me."

She closes the distance between them and in a wide shot, those in the audience who had no interest in six seasons of Shirtless Sawyer are consoled with one va-va-va-voom shot of a surprisingly leggy Kate -- in a dress that gives her curves her Island togs just could not. Kate grabs Jack's face with both hands. And oh my word, how many times have I typed that phrase in this recap? He has two quick flashes -- one of them sitting by the campfire at night; the other takes us back to the very first time they met. In the present, Kate, still with her you-know-whats you-know-where says, "I've missed you. So much." This is the ninth time I cry.

Jack flashes on their first kiss. It's too much for him. He's not ready to let go yet, so that he can reunite with the girl he wasn't ready to let go of, but ultimately did, so that he could cleave to the island -- corks and all -- and never let go, or something. He shrinks back from her touch and exhales. When Kate asks if he's okay, he looks up at the sky. "What is happening to me?" He approaches her, nearly in tears. "Who are you? I don't..." Kate clasps her hands together. "I know. You don't understand, Jack, but if you come with me you will." And you know, I've liked this couple from the get-go (although I think the writers botched things here and there, and I thought all possible pairings of the quadrangle could have appealed) but right now, I'm a petty little bitch. I'm looking at Kate (whom I like). She'll be in love all alone until Jack finally has his break-through. I know that's gotta hurt her and? It makes me so happy! Subtle, cosmic payback, for the win. As Jack looks at her, trying to figure things out, we WHOOOSH back...

Islandways; Jungle: The Jack-o-bites make their way back to the glow cave. Before Jack sets off for the Tubeyhole, Hurley realizes Jack won't survive and tells him he can't go. "No way, I'm not gonna let you die." Jack: "Hurley, I'm already dead. [...] This is the way it has to happen. This is what I'm supposed to do." Hurley: "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE." And then the strength of Hurley's will re-corks the Tubeyhole, inaugurates Ben as Island Protector, and whisks Des, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Claire, the plane boys and anyone else who wants to leave away to California, where they all live happily ever after, the end. AMIRITE? I'm not? Damn. Back to the DVR....

Hurley's entire shout-y line is: "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE! THE ISLAND NEEDS YOU." Eff the Island, dude. Jack struggles to his feet and clasps his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Hurley, it needs you. [...] It needs to be you, Hugo." When Hurley releases his denial in sobs and words, Jack tells him, "It was only supposed to be me so I could do this. But if someone has to take care of the Island -- if someone has to protect it -- then it should be you. Hurley, I believe in you." This is the millionth time I cry. Hurley lowers his head and growls that he'll take it. "But but it's only temporary. As soon as you get that light back on, I'm pulling you up and giving it right back to you. Deal?" Jack nods. "Deal." After another tremor rocks their crumbling world, Hurley makes his First Holy Island Communion, thanks to an old Oceanic water bottle Ben had in his backpack, and a little spring bubbling up under a rock and into a mud puddle. "Drink this." In remembrance of me. Hurley chugs it and asks, "Is that it?" Jack places his hand on his shoulder for the pronouncement: "Now you're like me." Hurley is honored, humbled and heartbroken. Jack is proud and touched. I'm slain. Thank goodness we cut to...

Ajira Plane: Frank starts it up and says they probably don't have the battery power for another go, if this one fails. Oh crap, we have to cut back to...

Glow Cave: As Hurley and Ben are gently lowering Jack to the Tubeyhole, there's another earthquake. Our big damn hero falls to the cavern floor, where he finds Desmond -- alive. Desmond explains what happened and adds, "It didn't work. I thought I'd leave this place. I'm still here. You were right, Jack." Jack: "Well, there's a first time for everything." Hee. Desmond wants to stay and finish the job since the electromagnetism will kill Jack, but Jack insists Des return to his wife and son. He wraps the rope around Des, who asks, "What about you, Jack?" Jack: "I'll see you in anoth

er life, brother." Gulp.

Hydra: Sawyer and Kate swim ashore and find Claire on the beach. After they ride out another tremor, Sawyer looks up to see more of Craphole falling into the sea. Meanwhile, Frank, Richard and Miles are revving up the plane. Kate runs to Claire and when Sawyer sees the plane moving some distance away, he hollers that they've got to go and get on it. Claire screams that she can't. "LOOK AT ME! This island's made me crazy. I don't want Aaron to see me like this. I don't even know how to be a mother anymore." Kate kneels in front of her. "Listen to me, none of us do, at least not at first, but you're not alone. Let me help you." Provided your mother doesn't shoot me on sight when I try to get within three continents of the tyke. Claire's finally won over. She, Kate and Sawyer rush toward the plane. It starts to move. Kate tells Sawyer to tell Frank they're coming. Sawyer's magically waterproof walkie talkie still works, but God has pushed Frank's walkie off the copilot seat. It's on the floor and with engines running, no one hears James' call. Just as the plane is ready to taxi down the runway Sawyer and Kate made all those years ago, Frank sees them run in front of the plane. "Boys, we've got some late arrivals, open the door."

Glow Cave: Jack makes it to the Tubey cork, manages to lift it and drops it into the hole. He drags himself to the edge of the empty pool and lies there panting, as nothing changes.

Hydra: Claire's on the plane first, then Kate, then Sawyer. Miles: "Way to wait 'til the last second, Jim." Sawyer: "Good to see you too, Enos." Frank orders them to buckle up and puts the plane in gear. The ground beneath it is giving way, but Frank's behind the wheel and Daddy's putting the hammer down. He talks to the craft 'til she's in the air. As she climbs to the skies, Frank says, "Amen." Miles and Richard finally breathe. Kate holds tight to Claire's hand. Sawyer looks out his window and bids a silent goodbye to that "rock."

Tubey Hole: It's still red, steamy and nasty down there, even though Darth Tubey is all corked up. Jack, suffering on the floor, looks around. He notices something we can't see at first. It's water. Whatever source feeds the pool has started back up. The light returns, filing the cavern and bathing Jack in its glow. The waterfall runs again. Up above, Ben and Hurley realize the light's back on. They immediately pull on the rope, as Jack lies below, enjoying the nervous breakdown he's so very much earned. When Hurley realizes it's Desmond at the end of the rope, he cries, "NO" and hollers for Jack, but Jack can't answer the call, Hugo. Not this time. Commercial.

St. Lamp Post's Church; Exterior: Locke arrives in a taxi. After the cabbie helps him into his chair, he wheels his way toward the entry, and meets up with none other than Dr. Benjamin Linus, who killed him there and saved him here. Ben thinks most of them are already inside, so Locke smiles and continues on his way until Ben calls out: "I'm very sorry for what I did to you, John." Locke turns his chair back to Ben who continues: "I was selfish, jealous -- I wanted everything you had." This amuses Locke. "What did I have?" Ben: "You were special, John. And I wasn't." Locke grins at that. "Well, if it helps, Ben, I forgive you." Ben: "Thank you, John. That does help. It matters more than I can say." Locke asks what he'll do now. Ben: "I have some things I still need to work out. I think I'll stay here a while." As Locke wheels his way to the church, Ben adds: "You know, I don't think you need to be in that chair, anymore." And Locke stands up. HOORAY! "Goodbye, Ben." He strides up the stairs like a man half his age, opens the door, and walks in, as Ben looks on.

Glow Cave; Exterior: Ben tries to make an unconscious Desmond comfortable while Hurley sits and comes to terms with all he's lost and gained. The stream to the cave is flowing nicely again. The glowhole's light is as warm as ever. When Ben says he thinks Des is going to be okay, Hurley non-sequiturs: "Jack's...gone. Isn't he?" Ben's silent agreement brings Hurley to tears. Ben tries his best to offer comfort. "He did his job, Hugo." Hurley looks up. "It's my job, now. What the Hell am I supposed to do?" Ben tells him to do what he does best -- take care of people. "You could start by helping Desmond get home." Hurley asks how. "People can't leave the Island." Ben: "That's how Jacob ran things. Maybe there's another way -- a better way." Hurley then commits an act of such stark grace, it leaves me breathless. He asks Ben to be his second. And in Whoville they say the Benry's heart grew three sizes that day. Ben is deeply honored. He's been waiting for validation all his life, and he finally gets it from a grieving young man who bears the weight of the world not with pride, but humility.

Sideways; St. Lamp Post's Church; Exterior: Ben's still sitting outside when Hugo comes to the door. "Oh hey, dude." He gestures toward the church. "We're all inside." Ben says he doesn't think he's coming in. Hugo frowns and starts back in, pausing in the door to say, "You know, you were a real good number 2." Ben: "And you were a great number 1, Hugo." Hugo: "Thanks, dude."

Jack pulls up in the church parking lot. Kate's in his passenger seat. Jack mentions that he was going to have his father's funeral there. "He died, in Australia." Kate nods; her voice is soft. "I'm sorry." Jack asks why she brought him there. Kate: "Because this is where you were going to have your father's funeral. You can go in around back." Jack asks her where she's going. "Inside. I'll be waiting for you in there, once you're ready." Jack: "Ready for what?" Kate: "To leave." He watches her walk away for a moment and then stares straight ahead. We cut to...

Island: Jack wakes up in the same place where Jacob found Esau's corpse, 2000 years or so ago. He's naught but the living dead. Stumbling to his feet and clutching his mortal wound, he embarks on his final journey.

Sideways: Jack enters the back of the church and lets himself in an office where there's a cross, a menorah, Buddha statuary, Christian statuary, Hindu art. It's Unitarian Jihad in its inclusiveness. Particularly striking is the stained glass window featuring six panels: Star and Crescent; Star of David; Aum; Cross; Dharmacakra (donkey wheel); Yin Yang. But most striking of all is the oak coffin, sitting in the middle of the room. Jack circumvents it -- holding his hand to his head. When he rests in front of it, he lays down his left hand and flashes to a vision of his eye opening on the Island for the first time. He jumps back, catches his breath and tries the right hand, instead. Jack runs from the bamboo grove to the beach. Jack meets Claire. Jack revives Rose. Jack revives Charlie after Ethan kidnapped him. Jack yells to Hurley to help with Claire. Jack tries to save Boone. Jack helps Shannon with her asthma. Jack and Sun bond. Locke saves Jack from falling off a cliff while chasing the White Rabbit. Sawyer and Jack have A Moment. Jack on the SAT Phone. Jack and Kate in Frank's chopper. Kate pointing a gun at Jack earlier this season. Kate comes to Jack in his aquarium cell on Hydra Island. The glass wall separates them. Always. Jack sees Kate for the first time. Jack and Kate kiss goodbye on the cliff. The flashes complete, Jack steps back before opening the coffin. It is empty, of course, as it always has been. If he climbs in it, I'm going to pull an Elvis on my TV. Whew. He's shutting the lid. Good thing, because I like my TV.

From behind he hears the familiar: "Hey kiddo." It's Christian who is here to present the writers' Apologia, so what follows is more transcript than recap. Jack doesn't understand what he's seeing. "You died." Christian: "Yes, I did." Jack: "Then how are you here right now?" Christian sighs softly. "How are you here?" He nods until his son gets it. "I died too." And then Jack cries. Um, I'm rather fond of the Jears, but this is for...himself? His death? What? Christian hugs him and tells him it's okay. As the Jears fall like rain, Jack manages to eke out an "I love you, Dad." And then: "Are you real?" Christian chuckles "I sure hope so." A beat. "Yeah, I'm real. You're real. Everything that's ever happened to you is real. All those people in the church -- they're all real too." Darlton: This defensive writing meant to cover our all-too-real arses? Also real!

When Jack asks if all the people in the church are dead, Christian says, "Everyone dies sometime, kiddo. Some of them before you, some long after you." Jack wants to know why they're all here, now. Christian says, "Well, there is no 'now' here." Jack: "Where are we, dad?" Christian: "This is a place that you -- that you all made together, so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you." Jack: "For what?" Christian: "To remember. And to let go." Jack: "Kate." Speaking her name brings a smile to his lips. "She said we were leaving." Christian: "Not leaving. No. Moving on." Semantics at a moment like this, Darlton Christian? Jack: "Where are we going?" Christian: "Let's go find out." Jack nods and Christian wraps his arm around his shoulder as he leads him into the...

Sanctuary: The Foundaways are hugging one another willy-nilly, except for Shannon and Sayid who remain together like they've just consummated their reunion in the aisle. As Jack steps in to join his people, we cut to...

Island: Bloodied and broken, Jack Shephard takes his last jungle trek.

Sanctuary: John Locke is the first to greet Jack with a handshake and a clap on the back. "We've been waiting for ya." Jack laughs and looks around for someone better to talk to. What?

Island: Jack's nose is bleeding.

Sanctuary: Penny and Desmond see Jack, . Des folds him in his arms. Jack spots Boone, who is just hugging Sawyer (?!). I'm glad to see Boone, but it makes me sad for him that he's there -- that these people were the most important to him. If we discount his disturbing relationship with his step-sister, the only person he was semi-close to was Locke, who led him to his death, in order to give the Island the sacrifice he thought it was demanding. Ugh. Let's forget all that for now and look at the pretty.

Island: Jack makes his way to the bamboo grove. He passes by Christian's white canvas sneaker, now black with mildew and rotting away.

Sanctuary: Hurley sweeps Jack up off his feet in a patented bear hug. Jack glows.

Island: Jack tries to catch his breath amidst the bamboo.

Sanctuary: Sayid, Shannon, Sun, Charlie and Claire coo over newborn Aaron whose presence there makes not one bit of sense and you will be hearing more about that, but still, so sweet. I see Bernard and Rose somewhere in there, too. The camera pans over to Sawyer who's just embracing Jack. When they pull apart, Kate looks at Jack with a knowing grin. As she approaches him, Jack's face seems to say finally. She grabs his hand.

Island: Jack sees just the spot he's looking for in the bamboo grove.

Sanctuary: Kate and Jack smile at each other. As she leads him by the hand, she bites her lip. Excuse me? We saw Sayid and Shannon sucking face for umpteen hours and we get no Jack/Kate reunion kiss. Are you kidding me?

Island: Jack knows this is where he came in. He lies down right where he first landed on Craphole. There are more back and forths to the Sanctuary, but they're of no import. There's a bark in the distance. When dear old Vincent appears, Jack smiles. Vincent approaches Jack, licks his hand, and lies down beside him. Jack will not die alone.

Sanctuary: Christian opens the doors to reveal a blinding light.

Island: Vincent lies disturbingly still. Jack's still alive, though. Once he sees Ajira 316 fly overhead, he smiles. His death is not for nothing -- it's for everything.

Sanctuary: Jack smiles until he and all our beloved are obscured from our view by the light of world.

Island: We zoom in on Jack's open right eye. It closes for the last time.

Title Card. Silent Robot.

The Island Isn't Done With Us, Yet: All my crying and schmooping aside, there are character resolutions (or lack thereof) I don't like or get, but there are other things that don't bother me in the slightest. The first one that comes to mind is Michael; his "fate" seems to be raising a lot of hackles. Just because Michael isn't present in the sanctuary doesn't -- to me -- mean that he'll never be released from the Island's Ghost World. I understand and agree that his crimes are lesser than Sayid's or Sawyer's. The murders of Libby and particularly Ana-Lucia are probably more comparable to Kate's murder of Wayne. Michael and Kate committed terrible wrongs, but they did them in a misguided attempt to save their loved ones. The thing is Sayid, Sawyer, Kate -- they grabbed their shots at redemption. Michael could have come clean before leading Hurley, Jack, Kate and Sawyer to the Others, but he chose not to. He betrayed his own team and then abandoned them. His fellow Lostaways weren't that important to him. He proved that on the Island. Similarly, I could not care less that Walt wasn't here for the end. He was on the Island for a few months when he was a child. It seems it wasn't the most important time of his life and the other Lostaways weren't the most important people in his life. Thank goodness for that. Wouldn't it mean the rest of his life was a sad, sad thing, if they were?

Now, about Shannon... Chicken-choking jokes aside, when Sayid failed to mention his love's name while making his Fauckian bargain, I started suspecting we were going to get a Nadia/Shannon switcheroo. Given Christian's explanation of the Sideways reality -- it doesn't make a lot of sense at first, that Shannon, rather than Nadia, is Sayid's one. But I have to admit, it works for me, anyhow. It works for me once I recall everything I've learned about Sayid. I love him, but he did a lot of bad shit for the love of Nadia, and hired himself out as Ben's henchman, after she died.

When Sayid was with Shannon -- he was working on being a better man. When Shannon was taken from him, he refused to give into his thirst for revenge. Add all that to the importance of the Island and Lostaways in Sayid's redemption -- and the fact that Shannon and Sayid have the Island in common, and it starts to look less ridiculous for them to end up together. I have to admit though, no matter how much I buy into the defense I've just presented (and I mostly do), I still get a whiff of fish. I can't prove it, but it still smells like Sayid and Shannon end up together, largely because Darlton got the chance to bring the lovely Maggie Grace back for an episode. Had she not been available, I bet folding money Nadia would have been in that sanctuary, instead. This is a place where the tale is a bit suspect. Functional? Sure. Beautiful and moving? Yes. True? Eh, 75 percent.

Penny and Desmond: I'm ashamed of myself for being as moved at her wordless inclusion in the sanctuary as I was. She was reduced to an object of desire in what ended up being fairly blatant emotional pornography. Okay, that's too harsh and not entirely true. Sure, Penny was never on the Island, but the Island had a profound effect on her earthly life. Consider this: Widmore's Island-ties stretch back before her birth, and his on-Island affair with Eloise must have affected Charles' relationship with Penny's mum; Desmond washed up there as part of his quest to become worthy of Penny; Penny spent years and fortunes trying to locate the Island; It was she who rescued the Oceanic Six. I'm good enough with this and am learning to let go of my shame.

Claire and Aaron: I get why -- emotionally -- newborn Aaron was in the Sideways. Claire has always been such a sympathetic figure. Heck, I wanted to see her get a second chance too, but I also like to eat more cookies than I should, you know? Given Christian's explanation that the Lostaways created an afterlife meet-up so they could find all their most important people -- it makes little sense (from Aaron's perspective) that Aaron was there, at least as a newborn. He was three years old, the last time we saw him, and would have no conscious memory of the Island. Even if Claire, Charlie and Kate were the people most important to his entire life -- it makes no sense that he'd enter his afterlife as an infant. His inclusion is emotional porn, for sure.

I mean, I basically have to decide that he's not real (or at least not the original Aaron, but some soul-clone), or if I choose to think of him as Original Aaron, I have to wave my hands until my arms fall off. And yet? I'm not sure how you tell Claire's story without giving her back her baby, that is, I don't know how you do it without turning Lost into a tragedy. It would have been possible, had the episode included a post-Island earthly epilogue for the Ajira 6 in which she was reunited with her boy and learned how to be his mum again, but that would have necessitated a different epiphany for not only Claire, but Kate and Charlie, too. Since the finale is 2.5 hours as it stands, I understand why the show sacrificed sense for sentiment. Still, it muddies the waters for those of us who like to imagine their afterlife once they exit the sanctuary. I mean, is Aaron a newborn forever? If not, do the other characters age -- even though they started their afterlife at the age they were when they left the Island -- regardless of when they died? Ick. I'm purposefully putting this out of my mind, because thinking about it too much ruins three terrifically powerful epiphanies.

Lost Love Stories: Sometime over the past week or two, I saw a clip of Darlton saying that at its heart, Lost is a love story. Now, I love the love story elements of the finale, but the series as a whole often fumbled love story execution. The actors brought it. The chemistry was there. The endgame couples (with the possible exception of Shannon rather than Nadia) were all my preferred pairings: Jack/Kate; Sawyer/Juliet; Rose/Bernard; Penny/Desmond; Hurley/Libby. I had no trouble trusting their tales, but outside the finale, there wasn't a whole lotta there there for the big love-quadrangle as it played out.

Quadrangle: Let's start with Sawyer and Juliet: how pathetic were their epiphany flashbacks? Not the quality -- the quantity. They were all from the same few scenes. And Jack and Kate? Yes, they always should have been endgame and I'm glad they were endgame, but I think the show spent 3 or 4 seasons showing us why Sawyer and Kate were in love. It spent all six seasons showing Jack was in love with Kate. It seems to me though, that it spent mere episodes showing Kate in love with Jack. And I refuse to fault Evangeline Lilly for that. If this finale did nothing else, it proved to me that when and where the Kate-character and the Jack/Kate romance fell down, the blame belongs at the feet of the writers. When they wrote good Kate stuff, Lilly delivered. There should have been more from Kate towards Jack, early on, before Sawyer and Kate had the cage sex, revenge sex, fleeing the freighter sex, and all the yo-yoing. Okay, and maybe less of the yo-yoing, altogether. I see a lot of people complaining about the use of love triangle devices on various boards. I like a love triangle when it's well executed (think Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, Jezebel). The trouble with triangles, for me, is that they're so often mishandled.

The Jin/Sun, Rose/Bernard, and Penny/Des pairings were better constructed. Rose and Bernard's story is the one I find most quietly satisfying. They find each other only after she learns she has terminal cancer. There's not enough time, but they don't let that stop them from getting together for the time they have left. Their faith, particularly Bernard's, brings them (albeit accidentally) to the Island -- a place that gives them time. The Island gives them time, not because they sacrifice anyone at their own expense, but because they let go, early on, and appreciate their unexpected blessing. Desmond/Penny and Jin/Sun grew worthy of their love over the course of the series. I have no complaints at all. In fact, where Jin/Sun are concerned, I only have kudos. If you had told me during the first season that I was going to care about Jin and Sun as a couple (or Jin at all) I would have thought you crazy.

The Mystery and Mythology: For me, so-called "questions" about the Smoke Monster, the hieroglyphics, the numbers, the gestation problems, etc. were answered well enough during the course of the show. After I sleep for a week, maybe I'll pitch a Mondo Extra to editorial to rebut all the lists (including TWoP's own) of places where the series fell down. But let's talk about the biggest "question" of them all...

The Island: Remember 17,000 words ago, when I was blathering about Trust the tale, not the teller? Here's how I always trusted Lost's tale: I always read the Island as a metaphor for Purgatory, no matter what Cuse and Lindelof said about its reality. Now, granted, I didn't think of it as the literal, after-death Purgatory of Roman Catholic doctrine. I thought the Lostaways experiences on the Island served as a soul-purgative for the living. Now maybe God did it. Maybe magnets. This story wasn't about that. It wasn't about why the Island is weird. I mean even "Across the Sea" doesn't answer that -- it just reinforces that it is. Unless they're unrepentant, people on the Island eventually end up in situations which give them the opportunity to burn away their sins and, to choose better than they did, before. Even Jacob.

Now, if I think of the Island serving as an earthly Purgatory for the living, how do I see the Sideways? Well, Jezebel.com already drew comparisons to Bardos, so I don't want to go there. Since religious analogies don't work for everyone, how about some flesh and blood? Forget all that Purgatory stuff for a moment. Instead, think of the Island as surgery. It's the operating room. It's what our characters have to endure, in life, to get their soul cancer surgically removed. And the Sideways? The Sideways is the recovery room. Like life, once the Island is done with someone, that person moves on. Eventually, people wake up in eternity -- where there are no time constraints on them as they recover from the spiritual operations they've undergone in earthly life. The cancer's gone, but they may still need some additional chemo, radiation (sorry, Des), medication or therapy. Actually, this works better for me than thinking of the Sideways as Purgatory, Limbo, or Bardos. After you have an operation, you're not all better. The problem has been corrected, but you still have to heal. The epiphanies? They were the last bit of healing. Once everyone is restored to health, the doctor opens the doors and discharges the patients, who move on to a better, fuller, happier life.

I feel remiss in not mentioning giving special attention to John Locke, Ben Linus and Hugo Reyes, but I'm still wallowing in their stories, so it's difficult. I like to think that during his tenure as Island protector, Hurley found a way to make new rules that canceled out CJ and Jacob's rules. And I'd like to think Hurley's term didn't end with his murder, but that one of his new rules was that he was free to die gently, or return home, even, once he found his replacement. I'm agnostic on whether Ben succeeded him as leader. I think Ben needed to be loved and needed, a lot more than he needed to be in control. Locke's happy ending leaves me a little empty. I mean, I'm glad he's with everyone, and it would have made no sense for Helen to be there (yes, even less than newborn Aaron), but it made me sad to see him sitting in the front pew, all alone. I wish someone, even Boone, had been sitting beside him.

And now, we have to learn to move on to a life without Lost. I want to thank you all for your emails, tweets, forum comments and other notes of encouragement. I don't know what shows I'll wind up covering come fall, but I hope we cross TWoP-paths again. I have had the best time covering this show for the last two years. I'll miss you so. The Island is done with me, but I don't feel like I'm done with the Island. This is me remembering, and trying to convince myself to let go. Namaste.

Epiphanize Cindy at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com or on Twitter

See potential answers to 100 questions remaining after six seasons of Lost.

Check out a video recap of the finale and watch Jimmy Kimmel's alternative endings for the series.

Watch the episode here, then check out our newly updated guides to the best and worst episodes, the best character backstories, the most worthless characters, and what the actors should do !

Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.