Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: A | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Ben, You're Always Running Here and There
By Cindy McLennan | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 03.09.2010
In the break room, Arzt is whining about the formaldehyde some clumsy student got on his shirt, when Ben joins him at the table. Arzt then bitches about old equipment and the lack of lab aprons, leaving me wondering who paid for his trip to Australia. It seems to have taken place during the school year, so perhaps that's why the school can't afford essentials, Leslie, but there's no time for that now, because after Ben notes that the public school system ought to be all about taking care of the kids, Locke tells Ben he ought to be the principal.
Arzt mocks the idea of taking advice from a substitute, but when Ben expresses interest, Locke rolls with it. "Just sounds like you care about this place, and if the man in charge doesn't, then maybe it's time for a change." Nice echo, yeah?
Ben appreciates the sentiment but asks who's going to listen to him. Locke smiles and waves. "I'm listening." His smile is creepy, like season-1-orange-peel-smile creepy. Wouldn't it be funny if L.A Reality Locke was actually the formerly formidable Smoke Monster, who staged a coup to gain his freedom, only to be trapped inside of Locke's broken body until he dies? Yeah, I think so, too. Anyhow...
Island Reality: As the wood elves (what?) trek through the jungle, Miles asks Ben what "that thing" back there was. Ben indicates that it's the same thing that killed Ilana's friends. At that, she turns on her heels and says, "And Jacob, right? It killed Jacob too?" Ben nods and talks with his hands as he of-courses her to death, but Ilana's not buying. In a clever callback to Bram's attempted recruitment of Miles (for Team Jacob) in "Some Like It Hoth," Ilana informs Miles she knows his reputation as a death eater reader, or whatever. Miles clarifies, "I can tell you how someone died, pick up their last thoughts before they check out, but I need to be near their bodies." Except for when I don't.
Ilana, as you'll remember, scooped up Jacob's ashes from the Four-Toes fire pit, so she digs down into her pocket (catch a falling star and put it in your...) and hands Miles the satchel full of Jacob, as she looks sideways at Ben. "So tell me, Miles, how did he die?" Ben soils his granny panties, but everyone's so dirty, sweaty, and smelly that they don't notice. But that's gross, so let's change the subject. I was under the impression that Miles' power didn't work well with cremains, but in the show's defense, these particular ashes aren't spread over a football field, and well... it's not like the show has ever been consistent on Miles' special brand of woo, so I'm not going to start sweating it now, with so little time left. Let's just pretend even Miles doesn't know what Miles can do, and leave it at that.
One thing Miles can do, though, is get down on his knees. So he does. And then he does that thing he does. When he's done doing that thing he does, he pauses for a moment, as if to consider the possible consequences of what he's about to reveal. Finally, he rises and turns slowly toward Ilana, still cradling the bag full of ashes in his hands. "Linus killed him." When Ben insists that isn't true, Ilana asks Miles if he's sure. And in a callback to the opening scene, Miles says, "Well, he was standing over Jacob's dead body with a bloody dagger, so...yeah. I'm pretty sure." Gnarffle.
As Ben tries to act all WHO ME?!?!? Sun, Frank and Ilana look on with a mixture of surprise, pity and disgust. Ilana thanks Miles and then gets right in Ben's face. "Jacob was the closest thing I ever had to a father." She turns her back on him and marches forth. Miles, at his ball-busting best, sing-songs: "Uh-oh." Hee!
Daylight; Lost-Away Beach: As the gang surveys the scattered remains of the once cozy beach camp, Ilana says she's going to look for some tools and get to work on some shelter. "The rest of you see what food's left; maybe get a fire going." Miles snarks, "Yeah -- a fire will fix everything." Oh honey, don't. Frogurt was the last guy who scoffed at starting a fire on that beach. Remember what happened to him? You were there, dude. Man, I hope that's not foreshadowing. Anyhow...
Ben tries to offer his help to Ilana, but she ignores him. Once Miles is out of earshot, Ben adds, "You know -- psychics..." He doesn't say piffle, but it's so very implied. "Totally unreliable. Miles actually tried to blackmail me, once, into...." Ilana walks off. Frank follows at a respectful distance, and never looks at Ben, even as he cracks, "You make friends easy -- dontcha?"
L.A. Reality: While waiting for a frozen meal to heat up, Ben catches sight of his reflection in the microwave door. I love how they've carried this theme through the season. He's making this frozen organic (and not "Lean") dinner for his father, Rotten Roger, who's sporting a nasal cannula for oxygen, and very little hair. I can't decide if he's balding in an old-man way, or in an old-man way combined with an old-man-with-cancer way. Between the hair and the air, I can't help but think of Miles' mother, Lara, and wonder how many other Dharma refugees are now ill. And that's totally relevant, because...
In the course of conversation Sideways Roger reveals that he and Sideways Ben were with the Dharma Initiative years ago. When Ben expresses dissatisfaction with his professional life, Roger feels for him. "This isn't the life I wanted for you, Ben. I wanted so much more." He wonders aloud, "Imagine how different our lives would have been if we'd stayed [with Dharma]." Ben patronizes him. "Yes, we'd have both lived happily ever after." Roger emphasizes that he's serious. "Who knows what you would have become?" Ooh, ooh. I do. I do. Ben switches out Roger's old oxygen tank for a new one, and I can't help but remember that in the old world he gassed his father to death, where in this brave new one, he's gassing him to life.
The doorbell rings, and it's none other than Ben's favorite student, Alex! She was concerned when she got to history club and he wasn't there. He apologizes for not leaving a note and explains about covering detention. After joking, "What'd you do," Alex explains she was counting on some help studying for her AP History exam, so they make plans to meet the next morning at 7:00, in the library. Alex is buying the coffee. Alex is also showing too much cleavage for a high school student who has just popped in on her old-maid-man teacher, but what do I know?
Island Reality; Lost-Away Beach: Sun wants to know how long Ilana plans to hang around the beach camp. Ilana's rather short with Sun and she tells her she's not sure yet. When Sun says she wants to find Jin, Ilana reveals that she wants to find him, too. "...Your last name is Kwon; so is his. I don't know if I'm supposed to protect you, him, or both of you." Sun -- who, my word, has beautiful lips -- is all protect us?!? Ilana explains that she must protect the remaining six candidates who are still in the running to replace Jacob. When Sun wants to know what replacing Jacob entails, Ilana snarls, "If you're the one selected, I imagine you'll find out." Sheesh, Ilana. Take out your issues on Ben, not Sun, for heaven's sake.
Island Reality; Clearing: Hurley lies in a meadow dreaming and talking in his sleep about cheese curds, as I dream about yelling at the writers for playing the Hey Have You Noticed Hurley is a Rather Large Fellow note, over and over this season. Enough! We're quite clear on that, guys, as is, I'm sure, Jorge Garcia. But he's ours, and we love him, so shut the hell up. Jack wakes Hugo, saying he wants to make it to the Temple by nightfall. Hurley tries to stall, and it's evident, so Jack starts off. Hurley hustles to catch up with him and tries to misdirect him, but Jack clearly remembers the way they came.
While the guys are arguing, Richard Alpert shows up and tells them they're both wrong. When Jack asks where he came from, Richard says, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Jack: "Try me." Richard shakes his head. "Not yet." Audience: "We're running out of time!!!" Richard ignores us and walks off, saying, "If you want to go to the Temple, it's this way." When he's gone, Hurley asks Jack if he trusts Ri