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Michael Emerson (Ben Linus) said the finale would make me want to eat my soul, but after such a hearty breakfast, I can't take another bite. Surprisingly meaty bird -- the crow.
We're introduced to two characters in this two hour finale -- a blond man in white, Jacob (okay that's more formality than introduction) and a brunette man in black, Nameless Guy, who, despite being only normally hirsute, I'm dubbing Esau unless/until canon otherwise dictates. In real time, I was ticked that the show was wasting time on two new characters, even if Jacob isn't technically new, but they more than paid off, so it's all of the good. It seems Jacob and Esau have been on the island even longer than Richard, because they sit on the beach watching as The Black Rock approaches. Esau knows Jacob's arranged their arrival, bringing people to the island seems to be his thing. Esau says, "You're still trying to prove me wrong." Jacob says that's because Esau is wrong. Esau says, "They come, fight, destroy, corrupt. It always ends the same." Jacob says it can only end once. "Anything before that is just progress." Toward what end though, Jacob? Toward what end? Before we leave this dashing duo, Esau tells Jacob that he really wants to kill him and that someday, he'll find a loophole that allows him to do just that. So they were playing what Des so aptly Christened a "game" even back then. Jacob says, "I'll be right here." We cut to a profile of the statue's face and I have to check my mythology before writing the full recap, because now I don't know that he's Anubis, either. Crazy-ass show.
As a child, Kate (and kudos to the casting director here) and her model-airplane-owning friend go shoplifting. She gets caught stealing a New Kids On the Block lunchbox (hee). Just as the shop owner is set to call the police and her mother, Jacob appears in the store and offers to pay for it, so the shop-owner lets Kate off the hook. Jacob tells Kate to be good from now on, and I can't decide if he's causing her to miss an important childhood lesson, so that she'll become the criminal we know and love today, or if he's really trying to get her to be a good girl. We also see Jacob give young James Ford a pen after his parents' funeral, so that he can keep writing his letter to Mr. Sawyer. And Jacob is asking Sayid a question when Nadia is hit by a car (and I laughed despite myself, because she died a lot like Juliet's ex-husband did), which keeps Sayid from being killed along side her. He's there when Locke is defenestrated by his father, and tells him everything will turn out okay. And after Jack has his count-to-five-in-fear moment during surgery and repairs the dural sac he accidentally nicked, and yells at Christian for prompting him to count to five in the first place, Jacob is there, too. We'll, he's in the hallway and gives Jack the Apollo candy bar that he couldn't get out of the vending machine. Yeah, I haven't figured that out yet, either.
Meanwhile, in the main story, Kate convinces Juliet that they have to escape from the sub and stop Jack. Sawyer's against this. He wants to sail off, live his life and buy Microsoft shares, but he can't fight both of his women at once, so they knock out the guard who's handing out the sedatives, free themselves, and force the submarine's captain to bring them back. We see them paddling a rubber raft back to the beach. They're greeted by Vincent, who leads them to BERNARD AND ROSE (who are alive, but less than thrilled to see them). Bernard and Rose say they're retired now (hee), and don't want anything to do with these kids and their shenanigans, which is really adorable. They do, however, set them on the path toward the Swan site, which is all our triumvirate of angst need.
In the tunnels, Sayid informs Jack that Daniel's notes indicate they don't have to take the whole bomb, just the core, and Daniel, being Daniel, left detailed instructions on how to remove it, arm it, dump it in the Swan and make everything go KABOOM. Richard helps Jack and Sayid break through a tunnel wall and into a Dharma house, but when Eloise insists on going first (because she won't hesitate to shoot anyone; ask her dead son), Richard knocks her out! He explains to Sayid and Jack that Eloise is his leader and he has to protect her. Jack and Sayid have to get from Dharmaville to the Swan site, on their own.
It seems they've broken into Horace's house, so Sayid suggests they "hide in plain sight" and dons one of Horace's jumpsuits. They make it about halfway across the quad when we see Phil and I'm sure he's going to recognize them, but no! It's waste-of-breath Roger Linus who spots them, and he since he knows Sayid is the man who shot his son, he returns the favor, getting Sayid somewhere in the gut area. Things look grim for Jack and (especially) Sayid, but they're saved by Hurley, Miles, Jin and a Dharma blue VW bus. The gang heads toward the Swan arguing and trying to stop Sayid from bleeding to death, when suddenly Hurley screeches the bus to a halt. He does so, because Kate, Juliet and Sawyer are standing on the road, all holding guns.
Sawyer asks Jack for five minutes alone to talk about what he's going to do. Sawyer talks with his fists, and Jack talks right back, taking the same tone. It looks like Jack will best Sawyer for a while, but the tables turn and Sawyer's just about to knock out Jack when he's stopped by Juliet who has totally changed her mind and thinks Jack ought to blow everything up, after all. When she's alone with Sawyer, we realize she changed her mind because Sawyer looked at Kate. Yes. That's what I said. And when Sawyer and Jack are alone, we realize that Jack wants to blow everything up because he had Kate but lost her. (Sawyer's all she's right on the other side of that bush, dumbass, go get her back). Maybe the stuck candy bar is a metaphor for Kate? What, it could be. Oh, all right, I'll stop and go back to eating my crow.
Anyhow, they let Jack go off on his own, but then the whole crew -- Sawyer, Juliet, Kate, Hurley, Jin and Miles -- decide to help him, although Miles does point out that in doing so, they could end up being the ones who cause "the incident." There's a big shoot-out at the Swan site, and our Lost-aways prevail, but they aren't able to stop the drilling in time. Everything on site that's metal gets sucked into the hatch, including towers and construction equipment, and even the Jeep in which the Radzinsky beast tries to flee. Jack (who at some point is momentarily stunned by a flying tool box, heh) throws the bomb down the hatch, Miles frees his father (whose arm is trapped under a thinggum) and tells him to run away as fast as he can. Everyone braces themselves for the blast that... doesn't come. Is the Jughead a dud? I would laugh and laugh, but there's no time. Somewhere in there, a chain gets wrapped around Juliet's waist and she can't get free. There's tear-jerking moment in which Sawyer tries to save her, much like he tried to keep Locke from falling into the well. But this time, there's no flash (well, not yet). And once Juliet realizes Sawyer loves her the way she wants him to or close enough, she lets go, leaving him devastated (me too, a little).
Meanwhile, in 2007, Richard leads Locke, who is leading his followers, to the four-toed statue ruins. Apparently Jacob lives inside the base. Locke and Ben go in (although Richard doesn't think Ben should). Outside, Ilana, Bram and the other self-identified "good guys" arrive with Frank and with their giant box and ask Richard what lies in the shadow of the statue. He answers in Latin: "Ile qui nos omnes servabit," which means "He who will protect/save us all." Except then they open the box to reveal Locke's corpse, which means whoever went inside with Ben isn't John Locke. Dead is dead, remember? Also, what's done is done, but that will wait for the recap. Inside, we learn Faux-Locke is Esau, who tells Jacob he can't imagine all he went through to find this loophole. And Ben ends up stabbing Jacob over and over, not so much because Esau-Locke wants him to, but more because Jacob never showed his face to Ben like he did to all the other island leaders, even though Ben always followed his (written) instructions, and because when Ben calls Jacob on this, Jacob's all and you are? However, none of that may matter in the long run, because back at…
The Swan Site: Juliet's down but she's not out. At the bottom of the hatch, she spies the Jughead core, and even though she's nearly dead herself, she manages to pick up a rock and bang on the bomb until BOOM!
Now that is what I call a reset. I'll catch you on the flipside with the full recap. Meanwhile, I'd like you to come up with a detailed plan on how I can make it to 2010 without seeing more of this show, because right now, the only thing I can think of involves a padded room, a straitjacket, and mainlining tranquilizers.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Michael Emerson (Ben Linus) said the finale would make me want to eat my soul, but I can't take another bite. Surprisingly meaty bird -- the crow. And anyhow -- eat my soul? No way. I know where that thing's been, and this recap isn't about a wretch like me. We are still tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery and there are far more wretched people whom we can spy upon and gossip about. So let's get to it, shall we?Previously on Lost: Daniel explains to Jack and Kate how "the incident" at the Swan is responsible for the crash of Oceanic flight 815. He wants to destroy the energy emanating from the hot pocket under the Swan by detonating the Jughead -- a hydrogen bomb. The music tells those of us who might not be paying attention that this is Cuh-RAZY, and Jack's eyes dance along to the beat.
Island; Four Toes: We're not on it, in front of it, or looking at it from a distance. Oh, no. We're right inside of the statue. We're inside of it with a man who is wearing rope sandals and homespun cloth. He works at a spinning wheel. We cut to him weaving a tapestry -- a fire is his only light. I start to worry about smoke inhalation because that's a pretty big fire he's got cooking and I don't see a chimney or any other kind of vent. Then I remember this is just a TV show, so I breathe and light a cigarette. We cut to...
The Beach In Front Of Four-Toes: Mr. Homespun wades into the surf and retrieves a fish from a primitive, conical trap. I refrain from making a way-too-easy red herring joke here, because come on, this is Lost. The whole thing is a red herring and I'm the joke, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. And besides he then takes the fish to his beach fire, filets it, and sets it to cook on a hot, fire-blackened rock. Knowing that The Black Rock is somewhere out on the horizon, my mind wanders to the risen Christ cooking breakfast for his disciples on the shore, while they were out fishing (John 21). I've always loved the deeper meaning of that account. They betrayed him, deserted him, denied him -- yet he fed, redeemed, and restored them. To me, it's the God of Jacob's relationship with Israel in microcosm, which is then a microcosm of the divine's relationship with all of mankind. Those of you who are fans of (other) Faith(s) can probably find stories that speak similarly to you, and those of you who are exclusively fans of Science can substitute "world" or "earth" for deity, there. We rape and pollute it, shed blood upon it, yet it sustains us, even taking us to its bosom and nursing us back to health.
Blond Mr. Homespun still wearing his tunic of white, and black pants, is greeted by a bearded man with salt and pepper hair, wearing a tunic of black. He's also wearing a rope belt around his waist, which seems silly, since like Homespun's, his tunic is only hip length and he's also wearing pants -- grey. But hey, he's got style. When Homespun offers his visitor some fish, Pepper declines, noting he just ate and I idly wonder if he is Smokey incarnate and what, and possibly who has sated his appetite. Pepper's there because he's spotted The Black Rock on the horizon. He knows Homespun brought "them" here, in an effort to prove him wrong. Homespun says this is because Pepper is wrong. Pepper says, "Am I? They come, fight, destroy, corrupt; it always ends the same." Spicy. Homespun says, "It can only end once. Anything before that is just progress." Pepper considers this and then looks Homespun straight in the eye. "Do you have any idea how badly I want to kill you?" Homespun does, so Pepper continues: "One of these days, sooner or later, I'm going to find a loophole, my friend." Homespun says when that day comes, he'll "be right here." The whole conversation, though menacing, is deliciously low-key. These aren't threats and rebuttals born in the heat of the moment. This is cold. This is old -- as old as sin itself.
Finally, Pepper says, "Always nice talking to you, Jacob." JACOB! And then I eat crow like I mentioned up top. That doesn't bother Jacob, though; he ignores my Old King Cole RPG and tells Pepper it was, "Nice talking to you, too." Pepper rises without ever once having been called by name. John, we don't even have a word for it. I'm tired of Pepper, so I hereby dub him Esau until and unless canon dictates otherwise (and perhaps afterwards, if I'm not pleased with the reveal). He's not overly hirsute, nor is he particularly ruddy. I don't even necessarily think he is Esau. I'm just calling him that, because I don't struggle with temptation. I give into it right away, so as not to wear myself out.
As Esau takes his leave; the camera zooms out and gives us a full profile look at Four-Toes. From this angle, I can't tell if its snout is supposed to be that of a hippo or a crocodile. The Alphabet Network confirms the statue is of Taweret just about the time I (thanks to many of the lovely and talented readers who e-mailed me) decide it can't be Tawaret, and must be Sobek. Sigh.
First you cancel Pushing Daisies and make us wait months for the last few episodes, while you air the insipid Cupid, then you screw up my readers' Lost speculation, even though they have to keep themselves busy until 20-fricking-10. How like you, ABC. How like you.
Iowa; Sometime In the 1980s: I give a standing O to the casting director for putting Emily Rae Argenti in the part of wee Kate, because I knew who she was supposed to be before she said a word. The already freckled "Katie" and her model-airplane-owning friend Tom Brennan (played here by Tanner Maguire) plan a shoplifting caper as they lean against the bumper of a pick-up truck. I try to shoo wee Tom away from the license plate, but I never get a good look at it. It does, however, end in 023.
Tom's a wussy...er...a good boy trying to resist Katie's siren song composed to lure him into an all-too-short-life of crime, so he won't help. He'll just stand lookout as Katie tries out her newly sticky fingers. From behind and in profile, Katie looks so much like my own daughter that I want to grab her ponytail and pull her out of that store before she steals the New Kids on the Block lunchbox she's about to slip into her backpack. I can't, so I don't. The kids make the rookie mistake of trying to book it out of the store as soon as the heist is complete, so the shop owner nabs them. Are you tough enough? He recognizes our girl as Diane Austen's daughter and is set to call the police and her mother, but frickin' JACOB appears in the store, and offers in a seemingly Christ-like way to pay for the lunchbox. The grocer accepts the money, hands Jacob the lunchbox and lets Kate off the hook with a warning never to return without her parents. After he disappears, Jacob gives the lunchbox to Katie, and squats so he can look her in the eye. "You're not going to steal anymore, are you?" Katie doesn't look like she believes herself as she shakes her head no. Jacob then boops her on the nose with his index finger and says, "Be good, Katie." She smiles and watches him as he walks off. Did Jacob do the right thing? Is he redeemer or enabler? And if he's an enabler, what are his motives? You be the judge, while we jump to...
Submarine; 1977: An announcement comes over the P.A. system, blah-blahing about system checks and operational depth. The captain then tells the passengers they'll soon be receiving their sedatives and will be escorted to their sleeping berths. "Have a nice rest. See you on the other side." Kate tells Sawyer and Juliet that they have to get out of there. Sawyer reminds her they're underwater, duh, and asks what she's doing on the sub anyhow. How did she get caught? She tells them (him) that she came back to get them (him) and that Jack's about to blow up a hydrogen bomb. When Sawyer asks why he'd do that, Kate does not, of course answer him, because this is Lost. Instead, she says they have to, duh, stop Jack. Juliet looks to James for his answer. He sighs. "Sorry, I'm gonna pass. [...] You just don't get it, Kate. We were happy until y'all showed up, but now that's all over, so we're going to drink our O.J. and take our chances in the real world. If Jack wants to blow up the island? Good for Jack." Speaking of Jack, we cut to...
The Tunnels Under Dharmaville: Jack wonders aloud how they're going to move a 10 ton bomb across the island, Sayid corrects that it's actually 20 tons. Don't be that guy, Sayid, or I'll exile you to Ted Mosby's Duchy.. He gets over himself quickly enough and informs Jack that Daniel's notes indicate they don't have to take the whole bomb, just the core. And Daniel, being Daniel, left detailed instructions on how to remove it, arm it, dump it in the Swan and make everything go KABOOM. People all over the internet buzz about whether or not that's a workable plan, so I wave my hands until that swarm of mosquitoes leaves me alone, because it's a workable plan on Lost where people travel through time, come back to life, and whatnot, and because if I knew that much about thermonuclear weaponry, I'd be working for the Pentagon, and wouldn't have to pay self-employment taxes.
Richard objects to this plan. "We sealed that thing up 20 years ago and we put it underground because it was emitting radiation." And by "sealed" he means they laid a tarp over it, and by "put it underground" he means just that -- they stuck it in the tunnels, even though Daniel told them to bury the sucker in concrete. I wonder if their casual storage of a leaking nuke has anything to do with the fertility problems on the island (and Lara Chang's future cancer). Eloise tries to shush Richard, but he asks her if this sounds like a good idea to her and reminds her that she's pregnant. Most pregnant women would deck him, here. But Eloise calmly says that's "exactly why we have to help them see this through."
Poor Richard is confused. I've got to set him straight (but not in the way that makes him stop being Guy-liner, because that would be wrong). Richard, let me explain. No, it is too much. Let me sum. It seems you've forgotten the point of the Jack Daniels cockamamie plan. The idea, my love, is to blow up the Swan site, therefore preventing the incident (although I don't understand how a bomb wouldn't cause the incident, since the mere act of drilling did, but Jack Daniels gets it and I digress), which will mean Oceanic 815 never crashes on the island, which will mean that Jack will never come to the island, which will mean that the Swan site never gets blown up, which will mean the incident happens, which will mean Oceanic 815 will crash on the island, which will mean Jack will come to the island, which will mean Jack will blow up the Swan site, which will mean that the incident never happens, which will mean Oceanic 815 never crashes on the island, which will mean that Jack will never come to the island, which will mean that the Swan site never gets blown up, which will mean which will which... Never mind.
Sayid explains that Daniel was explicit about his time table and there are only about two hours for them to get the core out of the bomb and blow up the Swan site, so we cut to...
The Swan Site: The Radzinsky Beast wants to know who stopped the drilling. Dr. Chang, who went from villain to hero in just seconds last week, is not shy about claiming responsibility. The Radzinsky Beast gets all nasty with him (redundant, I know) and the two argue. Chang reminds him of the potential consequences of drilling into the hot pocket. The Radzinsky Beast snits, "If Edison was only worried about the consequences, we'd all be sitting in the dark," because apparently he created the sun and discovered fire, too. Who knew? The Radzinsky Beast came to this island to "change the world," and nothing like the concerns of a respected peer or common sense is going to stop him. The Swan and its hot pocket really is Radzinsky's one ring, yeah? The drilling resumes and we jump to...
Island Shore; 2007: Locke and his band of buggered continue their death march to Jacob. When Locke orders everyone to "take 5," Sun asks who Jacob is. Ben explains Jacob is in charge of the island. Sun thought Locke was in charge. Ben seems annoyed that she doesn't get it, and grumps that John's the leader. "A title that I've discovered is incredibly temporary. But everyone answers to someone, and the leader answers to Jacob." When Sun wants to know what Jacob is like, Ben's resentment becomes corporeal and tries to dash her head on the rocks. "I don't know, Sun. I've never met him." Meanwhile, Richard tells John, "Ben told me that he strangled you." Locke confirms that's his recollection as well. Richard says, "He said he was sure you were dead. He saw your coffin loaded onto that plane that you came back on. How are you alive?" Richard, do me a solid and ask Ben if it was loaded onto the plane in a huge, metallic case that seems about big enough to hold a casket. Locke's kind of sarcastic with Richard. "Well, you've been on this island much longer than I have, Richard. If anyone should have an explanation -- I think it would be you." See, that's the thing. Richard's been there a long time. "I've seen things on this island that I can barely describe, but I've never seen someone come back to life." Because dead is dead. Locke says, "And I've never seen anyone who doesn't...age. Doesn't mean it can't happen." Richard's so sincere here as he says, "I'm this way because of Jacob. If I had to guess, he's the reason you're not in that coffin anymore." Locke says he agrees. "That's why I'm doing this, so I can thank him." Is it just me, or does new, confident, exuberant Locke turn dark right here -- even darker than last week, when he told Ben they were going to kill Jacob? He says, "Once I've done that, we're going to need to deal with the rest of the passengers from the Ajira flight that brought me here." Richard says, "What do you mean, 'deal with them'?" Locke doesn't blink. "You know what I mean." Oh my. Break's over, people. While Locke rallies his troops, we cut to...
The Pontoon: Ilana, Bram and crew, and their casket-sized crate (and other cargo, which includes an unconscious Frank) reach shore. The crew beaches the boat while Bram grumbles about having to bring this yahoo (i.e. Frank) along since he didn't even know the answer to "the question." Ilana says that doesn't mean he's not important. Bram wants to know if she means that Frank is a "candidate." Ilana realizes Frank is only pretending to be unconscious. Bram demands to know how long Frank has been listening, so Frank says, "Long enough to wonder what the hell I'm a candidate for." Never mind that, Frank. What's your slogan? Vote for Frank or he'll never grow back his beard. When Frank asks, "Who the hell are you people?" Ilana claims she, Bram and crew are "friends." He asks if all their friends get smacked in the head with an oar. Ilana smiles. "Only the ones we like." Heh. Has she met Sawyer? Frank again gives us a laidback Brad Pitt. "What's in the box?" Ilana raises her eyebrows at Bram who tells her it's her call. She orders the crew to open it and Frank gets a good look inside, but we don't. He winces and deadpans: "Terrific." And they go to commercial so they don't have to show us what's in the box, but we now all know what's in the box and that that what is but a who.
Jasper, Alabama; 1976: Eight year old Sawyer, who was then James Ford attends the funeral of his parents -- the mother who fell for a conman, and the father who fell for the con, learned the truth, killed his wife, then turned the gun on himself. Why don't these murder-suicide husbands ever skip the middle (wo)man? Sheeesh. After the caskets are loaded into the waiting hearses, wee Jimmy sits on the church stoop, fighting with a pen that's running out of ink as he tries to write his letter. JACOB appears and gives him a nice, new pen, which he tells him he can keep. They touch digits for a moment, while the pen changes hands. Jacob says, "I'm very sorry about your mother and father, James." With regret in his eyes, he smiles at the boy, and then leaves him there alone. James is soon joined by a man. We'll call him Doug because that's what he was named in the casting call. Doug tells "Jimmy" they have to get to the cemetery and then asks what he's writing. When the boy says, "Nothing," Doug grabs the notebook and reads:
Dear Mr. Sawyer,
You don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you done.
Doug joins Jimmy on the stoop, acknowledges his anger and his right to it, but tells him he's got to move on, because his parents are gone and there's nothing he can do to change that. "What's done is done." If he said it with any more slowly, he'd still be saying it. "Now promise me you're not going to finish that letter." The boy's eyes go cold. He means his, "I promise," about as much as Katie meant her head shake. Doug clearly knows nothing about kids, so he gives him back the notebook and says, "Good, let's go say goodbye." We jump to...
Galaga; 1977: Sawyer's trying to wrap his head around the Jack Daniels re-set plan. Kate can't believe that Sawyer's okay with the fact that this plan will kill everyone on the island. Sawyer says, "You ain't hearing me, Kate. I made a choice and I'm sticking to it. I decided to leave and I'm leaving." Juliet's face is grim as she looks away. When a member of the sub's crew brings our group their sedatives, Juliet uses her free hand to grab him by the neck, bang his head down on the table or her knee, and knocks him out. You go, girl! She gets his key and frees herself and Kate from their handcuffs. Sawyer can't believe it, but Juliet says they can't let all those people on the island die. "You want out, or you wanna stay here and whine about it?" Sawyer sighs in exasperation. "Unlock the damn cuffs." They overpower the captain and demand that he surface the sub so they can leave. Juliet says that once they're gone, he is to proceed on course and is not to bring the people back to the island, no matter what. When the captain wonders what he'll say if Horace contacts him, Sawyer shoots out his radio. "You ain't home." As the Galaga returns to the surface, we cut to...
Tunnels Under Dharmaville: While Sayid removes the bomb's core, Richard tells Jack that he met John Locke in 1954 and that he said he was to become their leader. He's gone off-island three times since then to visit him, and Locke's never seemed particularly special to him. "Do you know him -- Locke?" Jack laughs softly. "Yeah. Yeah I know him. And if I were you, I wouldn't give up on him." Oh, Jack. I hate it when you make your haters right. We jump to...
The Shore; 2007: Locke wants to know why Ben hasn't yet told Richard that Locke plans to kill Jacob. He doesn't understand Ben's newfound cooperative spirit. Ben explains how his dead daughter scared him straight. Locke wants things crystal clear. "So you're willing to do whatever I say, no matter what it is?" Ben says, "Yes." Locke gloats about not having to work to convince Ben. "I'm not going to kill Jacob, Ben." He pauses for effect. "You are." When Ben looks at him in wearied disbelief, Locke's return gaze could flash-freeze whatever Linus has in place of a soul. Locke then turns, and marches ahead. Commercial.
Thursday, October 20, 2005; Los Angeles: Sayid and Noor "Nadia" Abed Jazeem Shamar Jarrah arrive at an intersection, and as they wait in the California sunshine, they debate how to celebrate their anniversary. Sayid proposes Paris. Which, really dude? You sure? Right now, Nadia's only concerned with finding her sunglasses, so she's still digging in her purse when the happy couple gets the walk signal, and starts across the street. Sayid is called back by JACOB, who says he thinks he's lost. Get it? Sorry. (Not really.) As Sayid looks at Jacob's map, Nadia turns around in the crosswalk to crow about finding her shades, and a car, which we've been told is driven by one Ishmael Bakir, kills her in a hit and run, which is as cartoonishly delightful as the death of Juliet's ex-husband...er, unless of course you're Nadia or Sayid, I suppose. We learned Ishmael's name and that the hit and run was anything but an accident, from one Mr. Benjamin Linus, who claimed Bakir was working for Charles Widmore, and Ben claimed this while he was recruiting Sayid to work for him as an assassin, so remember, I'm just filling in the story, not swearing any of this is true. I've got enough sins on my soul, thank you very much. I'm not testifying to Ben's words. No way. No how.
Back to the accident, Nadia goes flying. Jacob touches Sayid on the shoulder. The hit and run driver gets to the running off part, and Sayid rushes to Nadia's side. The subtitles translate her final words. "Take me home. Take me home." We close in on their left hands -- adorned with wedding bans, and Nadia's blood. Sayid covers her dead hand with his deadly one, and we jump to...
Tunnels; 1977: Sayid wraps the Jughead's core in a canvas carrier that seems custom made for the job. Clearly, they found it stuffed in the back of Daniel's journal, right? He, Jack, Richard and Ellie make their way to just the right spot in just the right tunnel, that has just the right rock -- a triangular one -- which Richard smashes with a sledge hammer that just happens to be lying around. On the other side of the wall is the inside of a Dharma House. Jack's ready to lead, but Ellie reminds him she's in charge and she'll go first. Jack might hesitate to kill anyone who got in the way, whereas Ellie always shoots first and asks questions later, even when her victim is her OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! < /still bitter> While she's still wearing her bossy pants, Richard grabs Ellie from behind (stop it) and knocks her out with his butt -- the butt of his weapon, that is. Jack's all what they hey, man? Richard has to protect his leader at all costs. They've helped Jack and Sayid enough. Now Richard's taking Ellie out the way they came in and Jack and Sayid are on their own.
Our dashing duo enters the Dharma house, proper. We can see a Jenny Lind crib in one room, so my money says this is Horace and Amy's house. Of course, I've already watched the whole episode, but I spotted the crib the first time. Just sayin'... Outside in Dharmaville an alarm continues to sound and someone barks orders over the P.A. system. To get out of the house and over to the Swan, Sayid snags one of Horace's jumpsuits, because he looks just like him, don't you think? They make it about halfway across the quad when we see Phil and I'm sure he's going to recognize them, but no! It's waste-of-breath Roger Linus who spots them, and since he knows Sayid is the man who shot his son, he's ready to return the favor. Sayid is carrying a nuclear frickin' device, so he kindly tries to warn Roger off, but Roger's reflexes are crap after spending the last dozen years in an alcoholic haze, so he shoots, and although he misses the weapon, he gets Sayid somewhere in the gut area. Gut wounds are never good, especially on TV, when the only guy handy who can even stand you is a spinal surgeon without all his operating gadgets on him. Speaking of -- Jack takes aim at Roger, fire and misses, so he fires again and misses and fires willy nilly and still misses everyone, it seems. This is So Not Jack's Day. A whole bunch of people take aim at Jack as he helps Sayid to his feet. They too fire and miss. It's not their day, either. Jack and Sayid hide behind a cabin so Jack can reload his weapon. Things look grim for them (especially Sayid), but they're saved by Hurley, Miles, Jin and a Dharma blue VW bus. They cut to commercial so I can exhale.
Craphole Bay; 1977: Kate, Sawyer and Juliet paddle to shore in a rubber raft while the sub returns to its course. Juliet's heart breaks before our eyes and Sawyer and Kate are so heartless as to engage in...good-natured and possibly mildly flirtatious conversation. Juliet, get a grip, girl. Don't let go of your man that easily. When they get to shore, Kate thanks Juliet for backing her up on the sub and Sawyer yells that he has no idea where they are, when suddenly something rushes them from the bushes. It's VINCENT! We interrupt to give you this spur-of-the-moment crackpot theory: if Esau is Smokey, perhaps Jacob is Vincent. We now return you to my regular insanity. As the tri-angst-le makes nice with the puppers, we hear a disgusted, "Oh, no," from the brush. It's ROSE. ROSE AND A VERY HEAVILY BEARDED BERNARD. THEY ARE ALIVE! HURRAH! They're alive and they're as annoyed to see the tri-angst-le as the trio is thrilled to see them. Rose shakes her head. "They found us." Bernard looks up at these kids he so wants off his lawn and grouses, "Son of a Bitch!" Hee! We cut to...
The VW Bus: Hurley, Miles, Jin, Jack, and Sayid rush down the road to the Swan arguing while trying to stop Sayid from bleeding out. Miles sees the bomb and freaks, but everyone else is freaking so it's less exciting than his typical freak-outs. When Jin wants to know what's at the Swan, Jack does his level best to lure him over to the crazy side. "I think I've found a way to get you back to your wife." We cut back to...
Bernard and Rose, leading Kate, Sawyer and Juliet to their cabin. They've just been living out in the jungle all alone and were quite enjoying it until today. They know Jin, Sawyer, etc. joined up with the Dharma Initiative and have been combing the island for them. They didn't want to be found. They're "retired." When they're warned about Jack's bomb and their impending doom, Rose says, "Who cares? It's always something with you people." She's got their number and isn't playing along. Bernard feels similarly. "So we die? We jus
t care about being together." Juliet's smiles a tearful smile at Sawyer who misses it, because he's just taken exactly the WRONG FRIGGING MINUTE TO LOOK AT KATE! Oh, James. Rose tells them where the barracks are so they can get their bearings and the trio bids Rose and Bernard a fond farewell. When Bernard asks if maybe they wouldn't like some tea first, Juliet turns and swallows back her tears. Holding onto her stomach she says, "Maybe another time," then follows behind her man who's following behind his woman. We're spared any more angst when we jump to...
Jungle of Mystery; 2007: Ilana and crew carry the what's-in-the-box-box along as Frank wishes aloud that they'd never shown him what was in the box. Bram says they need to show it to somebody (else), "so they'll know who they're up against" which Bram notes is "something a hell of a lot scarier than what's in this box, Frank." Yeah, Frank. Wait. I don't know why I used the italics-of-disdain on Frank, there. I love him. Bram tells Frank that as long as he's "with us" he'll be fine. When Frank wants to know who Bram and crew are, he proudly says, "We're the good guys." Frank's been around the block a few times, you know what I'm saying? "In my experience, the people who go out of their way to tell you they're the good guys are the bad guys." Their mutual sideways glances of distrust are cut short when Ilana stops and announces, "We're here." They're outside a ramshackle cabin. I do think it's the one we were led to think of as Jacob's cabin, which is, I think, the one Horace Goodspeed built for himself and his wife. I don't think it's also Rose and Bernard's. I do think I have cabin fever, so I'll get to the point: it's old and abandoned-looking and there's a circle of ash around it. When Bram tells her to look at the ash, we see the circle has been broken. Ilana catches her breath and says, "Wait here." Now all I know about TV magic I learned from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supernatural. That ash circle is there to keep something out or in. Either way, the fact that it's broken is so not good, at least in Ilana's eyes. Speaking of which, we jump to...
A Hospital: It, too, has seen better days. One of Ilana's eyes takes it all in, because the rest of her head is bandaged. Okay, her mouth and nose are free, too. A nurse speaks to her in what I'm going to guess is Russian and tells her that she has a visitor who insists upon seeing her. It's JACOB! Or is it? Well, it looks just like him, so he's getting called Jacob for now. He's wearing a black overcoat and black gloves. He pulls a white chair up and takes a seat at her bedside. He folds his hands in his lap and apologizes for not making it there soon. In Russian. He switches to English and leans in very close to her. If he touches her, I didn't see it on my TV screen. "I'm here because I need your help. Can you do that? Will you help me, Ilana?" Ilana looks at him with her one free eye, and says, "Yes." He gives her nothing but words. We jump back to...
The Cabin: It's a disaster inside. Ilana takes note of the portrait of a dog, Lulu. Ilana's gaze travels from the dirty old sink, to the table covered in debris, the upturned chair and all about this hellhole, until it lands on a knife in the wall. It's holding some sort of note -- or rather, a tapestry scrap. She pulls out the knife, examines the scrapestry and goes back outside, where she tells Bram that "He isn't there and hasn't been in a long time. Someone else has been using it." She orders her crew to, "Burn it," which they do despite Frank's observation that starting a fire in the middle of a jungle might not be the smartest move. When Bram wants to know, "What now," Ilana hands him the scrapestry, which features Tawaret. Bram's eyes grow wide. "I guess we know where we're going." Oh, me too, me too! They take in their fire for a moment, before carrying their what's-in-the-box-box away, into the Commercial.
California; 2000: JACOB sits on a bench outside a building, reading Flannery O'Connor's, Everything That Rises Must Converge. Although familiar with O'Connor, I haven't read her work, so I'm not going to be a pretender and draw a bunch of parallels to it and Lost. Plenty of people who actually know what they're talking about have already done so, so if you want to know more, that's why Jacob made Al Gore invent the Internet. Speaking of Jacob, he sits and reads for a long time, a really long time, a really really long time, because watching someone read silently on TV is not what you'd call exciting. You wouldn't call it exciting, that is, unless and of course that reading-someone is sitting in front of the very building from which Anthony Cooper is just now defenestrating John Locke. When the glass shatters and you hear the sickening thump of his body hitting the ground, things start to pick up speed. Jacob marks his page, closes his book, uncrosses legs and saunters over to the scene of Locke's demise and I mean to use that word, because it sure looks to me like Locke is dead. It looks like he's dead, and dead is dead, until Jacob kneels down and firmly grasps Locke's shoulder. Locke gasps at Jacob's touch, which sounds more homoerotic than I mean it to, and he regains consciousness (returns to life). As Locke struggles to focus his eyes, Jacob says, "Don't worry. Everything's going to be all right. I'm sorry this happened to you." He rises and leaves a still-dazed Locke looking after him in wide, if still slightly-googly-eyed wonder. I'm not in much better shape as we jump to...
Island; 2007: Locke and the band of buggered arrive at the ruins of the Lost-aways' beach camp. He tells everyone to take a break. "Considering what I have planned for ya, you're going to need it." Locke calls Ben's attention to the old hatch "quarantine" door and notes that's where he and Ben first met. Isn't it romantic? When he asks Ben if he can ask him a question, Ben quips, "I'm a Pisces." And because it's Ben, that's funnier because it's not true. Locke wants to know what happened at the cabin when Ben first took him to meet Jacob. Ben confesses he was talking to an empty chair, but it still shocked the liar-liar-pants-afire pants off him when things started flying around the place. Ben pisses, moans and finishes his admission with a, "So yes, I was lying. That's what I do." Hee. Locke considers this, says, "All right then," and goes to leave, but is stopped when Ben asks why Locke wants him to kill Jacob. Locke crouches back down and speaking slowly, clearly and bitingly says, "Because, despite your loyal service to this island, you got cancer. You had to watch your own daughter gunned down right in front of you. And your reward for those sacrifices? You were banished. And you did all this in the name of a man you'd never even met." While Ben lets this sink in, Locke adds, "So the question is, Ben, why the hell wouldn't you want to kill Jacob?" We're treated to the music of Cindy This Is An Important Moment as the camera cuts to Sun. When she spots Aaron's cradle (lovingly made by John Locke, long ago and far away) still lying on its side, she stops to right it, and finds Charlie's Drive-Shaft ring nestled inside the now dirty blanket. Our girl's all about the bling, so she can't resist feeling it up. We jump to...
Korea; Sun and Jin's Wedding: Drink deep Sun and Jin lovers, because this is their only time together during the entire two hour finale. During her vows, in front of a Temple, Sun tells Jin she's been in love with him since they first met and loves the man he will become as they spend their lives together. She places his ring on his finger and Jin notes that he wrote down his vows, and takes out the paper. Sun is charmed by this because it's so darned charming. Just look at him. Oh so cute. The subtitles tell us he says, "We will never be apart, because being apart from you would be like the sky being apart from the earth." He slides her ring on her finger, they kiss and we cut to...
The Receiving Line: After they exchange their vows receiving their guests. Sun has changed from her (western style) white wedding gown into a (western) slinky blue evening gown. Most of the men are in western dress too, but some of the female guests wear traditional Korean finery and it's so lovely, I wish they had dressed Sun in Korean wedding garb, too. Sun's aunt asks when they're going to start a family, and Sun laughingly tells her, "Maybe on the honeymoon." in line is JACOB! He offers a blessing in Korean. Per the subtitles he says, "I'd like to offer you my blessing. Your love is a very special thing." He pauses as he puts a hand on each one's arm. "Never take it for granted. They all bow to one another and Jacob leaves them. Sun asks Jin who that was. Jin says, "I don't know...but his Korean was excellent." Don't worry, Jin, your English will be better than Sawyer's in no time. Of course, so will Vincent's. As Sun watches Jacob walk away, we jump to...
Island; 1977: Hurley and co. are still careening toward the Swan site. Sayid's still bleeding to death and he seems almost triumphant as he tells Jack, "You can't stop the bleeding." Jin gives Jack some fresh dressings while Miles tries to understand Jack's plan. Jack corrects his assumption that they'll go back in time. Miles says, "Right, because that would be ridiculous." He better make it out of here alive, because he adds so much to the show. Sayid tells Jack he needs to rig the bomb to detonate on impact. "We need to be there at the moment of the incident or all of this will be for nothing." Oh, I would laugh and laugh. Suddenly, Hurley brings the van to a halt -- because Juliet, Sawyer and Kate are standing in the middle of the road, and Sawyer's got his rifle trained right on them. The camera gives us close-ups of Sawyer, Kate and Jack's faces, and then...Commercial.
Island; 2007: Locke and his minions arrive at the four-toed ruins. Locke says, "Well, it's a wonderful foot, Richard, but what does it have to do with Jacob?" Heh. Richard says, "That's where he lives." Because Jacob's an ancester of the old woman who lived in the shoe. Peculiar family, that. We jump to...
Island; 1977: Sawyer tells Jack, "I need five minutes to say what I need to say and then you can do whatever the hell you want to do. But you're going to listen. You owe me that much, Jack." Dr. Jackass agrees, and neglects to inform the only other doctor present, Juliet, that Sayid is BLEEDING TO DEATH. He then goes off exploring with Mr. Snide, and we jump to...
St. Sebastian's Hospital OR: 2000ish? Jack's in surgery. He accidentally nicks his patient's dural sac and freaks out. His father Christian is also in the operating theater and tells Jack he has five seconds to get it together, or he (Christian) is going to take over. So this is the origin of Jack's terrific scene with Kate in the pilot about letting his fear run wild for five seconds then shutting it off? Feh. Still, Jack does as he's told, gets his fear in check, and fixes up the patient. We cut to...
St. Sebastian's Corridor: Post-surgery, Jack tries to get an Apollo candy bar out of the vending machine but it gets stuck. He beats up the machine to no avail and then picks a fight with his father who is trying to give him good news about his patient. Jack says Christian embarrassed him by putting him in "time-out" during his first major procedure, in front of the entire staff. "Dad, I know you don't believe in me, but I need them to." Christian says, "Are you sure I'm the one that doesn't believe in you?" Blah blah blah Daddy Issues. Christian stalks off and a man rounds the corner with two Apollo candy bars. It's JACOB! He says, "Are one of these yours?" and hands a candy bar to Jack. Their fingers touch. Jack mumbles about the machine getting stuck. Jacob says, "I guess it just needed a little push." Okee-dokee. We jump to...
Island; 2007: Sawyer sits, Jack reluctantly joins him and Sawyer tells Jack the sad story of his childhood and the death of his parents. Jack says, "I'm sorry." Wistfully, Sawyer says, "Yeah." Then he adds, "That was a year ago." Jack's not following, so Sawyer says, "Right now, it's July, 1977, which means that happened last year. So I could have hopped on a sub, gone back to the states, walked right in my house and stopped my daddy from killing anybody." Jack asks why he didn't. Sawyer says, "Because Jack, what's done is done." When Jack says it didn't have to be that way, Sawyer asks Jack what he screwed up so badly the first time around that he's willing to set off a nuke to start over. Jack says three years ago, Locke told him everything was happening for a reason. He drank the Kool-Aid; he served destiny. Sawyer doesn't speak destiny and he wants to know what Jack's real motive is. "What do you want, Jack?" Jack says, "I had her. I had her, and I lost her." When Sawyer realizes Jack's talking about Kate he says, "Well damn, Doc, she's standing right on the other side of those trees. You want her back? Just go and ask her." Jack says it's too late and rises to leave, telling Sawyer his five minutes are up. Sawyer reminds Jack that if the psychotic Jack Daniels plan works, he and Kate won't even know one another and she'll be on her way to the big house. Thank you, Sawyer. I've been saying that for what feels like weeks. Jack's all, "If it was meant to be, it was meant to be." And so...I need a new paragraph for this mini-rant.
See, here's the thing. I don't speak destiny, either. Now, I'm a religious person myself -- a "true believer" if you will, although I get along just fine with science too. And I'm just not so married to any concept of predestination that denies we have free will. That's because we have FREE WILL. I mean, maybe I'll put a comma here, and an exclamation point here! and a semi-colon here; and there; and I realize now I'm setting myself up for an editor with a sense of humor, so please control yourselves, ladies and gentlemen. My point, Jack, is that free will was Daniel's whole point when he told you that you could be a variable rather than a constant, Jack. And so okay Jack, you're buying into the be-a-variable plan, but you're doing so with all this blather about destiny. If you're destined to be a variable how are you not a constant? It seems to me that if you were really destiny's bitch like you've deluded yourself into thinking you are, you wouldn't do anything -- at least not anything hard or challenging, because if something was meant to be, it would just be. Right Jack? Argggh. You're making me crazy here. And don't get me started on you laying this all at the feet of your love for Kate. I don't doubt your feelings, mind you, but you had all these other reasons -- decent ones even, like wanting to save all the lives of the people who have died since Oceanic 815 crashed on Craphole. Perhaps that should have been the argument you presented to Sawyer.
Sawyer doesn't have the time or patience to say all that, so he just punches Jack in the face. Good show, James! While giving him his long over-due whupping, Sawyer asks Jack who the hell he thinks he is. Jack answers with his fists and they beat the snot out of each other. Sawyer says, "You think you can come here and do anything you want? I had a life here!" It looks like Jack will best Sawyer for a while, but the tables turn, right around the time Jack tells Sawyer he just doesn't understand. Sawyer gets the upper hand and is just about to knock out Jack when he's stopped by Juliet who has totally changed her tune. She says, "We have to do this." She suddenly thinks Jack ought to blow everything up, after all. Jack wanders off while the lovebirds argue. She's driving him out of his mind, which he makes clear while reminding her that she's the one that demanded they return and stop Jack. He screams, "What happened?" Juliet says, "I changed my mind," and we cut to commercial so as not to witness Sawyer's aneurism first hand.
Mainland; 1980s (maybe): Young Juliet and her sister Rachel listen tearfully as their parents explain they're divorcing. They still love one another. Their mom says, "Just because two people love each other, doesn't always mean they're supposed to be together." The kids recognize this as the steaming pile that it is. So when Mom says, "When you're a grown-up, you'll understand," Juliet yells that she doesn't want to understand and storms off. But there's no Jacob waiting to lay a consoling hand on her shoulder, and give her a new bicycle chain, or parents, whatever. We jump to...
Island; 1977: Sawyer runs off after Juliet wanting to talk about her change of heart. "I need you to tell me where all this is coming from. [...] I got a right to know why you changed your mind." Juliet says, "I changed my mind when I saw you look at her." Yes. That's what she says. No lie. Sawyer says, "I don't care who I looked at. I'm with you." Juliet says, "And you would stay with me forever if I let you, and that is why I will always love you." She regurgitates her mother's line about love not meaning they were meant to be together. "Maybe we were never supposed to be together, so if Jack can make it so that none of you ever come here -- he should." Sawyer wants to know why she's doing this, and Juliet has trouble answering at first, but finally says that if she never meets him, she'll never have to suffer losing him. Sawyer stares at her as we cut to...
The Swan Construction Site: The drilling continues fast and furious and as the crew cools off the equipment with the water from their handy, dandy water truck, Chang calls to the Radzinsky Beast and tells him the Gauss readings just "jumped off the charts." The Radzinsky Beast examines the meter and see
s it redlining at 20kG, which I couldn't explain to you if my life depended on it. But it's bad, very bad. It must be, because the Radzinsky Beast is thrilled that they're "on top of the [hot] pocket." Chang warns him to stop drilling or all hell will break lose. Just then, Phil breaks in on the walkie-talkie and warns the Radzinsky Beast about Sayid being spotted at Dharmaville and being rescued by some of the other recruits in a van. Radzinsky freaks because "that hostile knows about the Swan." He orders Phil to bring his men and his weapons and get out to the Swan. "When they get here, we're going to be ready for them."
Jack watches all this from the bushes. Kate finds him, sees he's bleeding from a cut above his brow and asks what happened. Suddenly, Kate likes Jack again, so she can't put two and two together. Jack just laughs. "My talk with Sawyer didn't go so good." I picked up some of his poor speech habits and everything, Freckles. She grabs Jack's bloody head and asks if it hurts. When he says it is okay, she wipes some of the blood away with her thumb, and then with the heel of one hand. Her touch turns to a caress at the end. Oh, these frigging people. Why don't you just love the one you're with. Kate asks if he remembers when she sewed him up, when he first got here. Jack smiles. "It seems like a million years ago." Kate says, "Or thirty years from now." They share a deep meaningful look and I think Jack wonders if that's love he sees in her eyes. I know I do, when a half hour ago, I was sure it was Sawyer and Kate forever. Except I want it to be Sawyer and Juliet and GAH! Jack asks why Kate made him promise to never ask about Aaron. Kate says she was just so angry with Jack for "making" her come back to Craphole. He didn't "make" you Kate. Sheesh. Jack asks if that's why she came back. Kate explains that she came back so that Aaron can be where he belongs -- with his mother. Jack notes that if the Jack Daniels plan works, Claire won't ever come to the island and they'll always be together. Kate reminds him that Claire was going to give Aaron up for adoption, but Jack says they don't know what she would actually do once the time came, which is a good point. "Whatever it is, it would be her choice. If you want to save Claire, this is the only way to do it." Oh, Claire. Sheesh Jack, you could have told Sawyer that she was your frigging sister instead of being all I don't like Monday's, I'm going to shooooot the whole island down." Jack goes on to tell Kate that he needs her to believe that nothing in his whole life has ever felt so right. Kate looks at him like she's trying, but they're interrupted by a loud noise at the Swan site, below.
Steam shoots out of the hatch and I can't decide if there's an alarm sounding or if the musical director is getting even more creative. The Radzinsky Beast yells for the crew to keep the drill going. Chang seems to argue. Back above, Jack says, "It's about to happen." He looks Kate dead in the eye. "Are you with me on this." His smile starts at his eyes, before she can even say, "Yes," which she does. These people are all in dire need of medication. Commercial.
Lock-Up; L.A.; 2007: As the officer at the desk discharges Hurley, Hurley tries to convince him that he's a stone cold killer in need of locking up. The officer doesn't buy it any more than we do and tells Hurley to take his belongings and leave. Hurley starts raving about men with tranquilizer darts "hunting me down like an animal. They want to bring me somewhere against my will." The officer deadpans, "There's a cab stand right out front." Hee. Hurley opens the back door of the waiting cab to find it's occupied by JACOB! They decide to share a ride but Jacob declines Hurley's offer to split his cherry Fruit Roll-Up. Hurley wants to know what Jacob was "in" for and shares that he was in jail for killing three people. "Well I didn't really. I guess they figured it out. What about you?" Jacob says he wasn't in jail. Hurley asks what he was doing sitting outside one then, in a cab. Jacob says, "I was waiting for you, Hugo," so Hurley immediately assumes Jacob is dead. Ha! Jacob says, "I'm definitely not dead. [...] I want to know why you won't go back to the island." Hurley says, "Because I'm cursed," and cites the crash, deaths, and ghostly visitors as his evidence. Jacob suggests that Hurley is, instead, blessed. "You get to talk to the people you've lost. That seems like a pretty wonderful thing to me." Hurley's all sure, except that means I'm crazy. Jacob asks Hurley to take his word that he's not crazy. When Hurley asks Jacob who he is, Jacob instructs the cabbie to pull over at the corner. Raise your hand if you wish you'd gotten to see the driver's face reacting to this entire discussion as it took place. Before Jacob leaves the taxi, he leans over the guitar case between him and Hurley and gives him the Ajira flight 316 information and tells him all he has to do is be on that plane. He touches Hurley on the shoulder as he says, "It's your choice, Hugo. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." As Jacob gets out of the cab, Hurley tells him he forgot his guitar. Jacob leans back in and says, "It's not my guitar." We jump to...
Island; 1977: Sayid is out of the bus, leaning his back against the bumper as he sits on the ground and bleeds to death. Hurley gives him water as he says everything will be fine. "When Jack changes the future. Or the past. One of those." Looking on, Miles tells Jin, "I don't think your buddy's going to make it." But Jin disagrees. Just then, Jack and Kate return from spying on the Swan site, tell the gang that something just happened and Jack says it's time for him to go. Sayid tells him the bomb is all set. "Remember, be careful. It's rigged to explode on impact." That would be just the magical incantation I needed to make sure I fell hard, on my back, about 6 inches away from all my friends. Good luck, Jackie-boy. Sayid reminds Jack that the Jack Daniels plan states he must "get the bomb as close as possible to the source of electro-magnets." No, really. That's what he said. There's a slight chance he said electro-magnism, but that's not even a word. My spellcheck's all pissed off at me for using it, and everything. I shouldn't pick on Sayid, he's dying. Jack counters that the Jack Daniels plan will work, and it will save him. Sayid says the saddest words I've ever heard on this show: "Nothing can save me." Nobody argues with him, which is even sadder. Kate helps Jack put on his custom made nuclear-device-toting backpack. He looks at her, and a bolder man would have kissed her, but Jack just nods and heads off through the jungle on his lonely quest. He meets up with Juliet who, oh my word, I just realized is wearing a red shirt. Frak. Sawyer and Jack pass one another, and with as much machismo as he can muster, Jack spits, "See you in Los Angeles." I expect Sawyer to snark at him, but instead, he makes a boo-boo kitty face which leaves me laughing so hard I have to hit the pause button, which turns out to be unnecessary, because all that happens after that is Jack walking along through the jungle. At least that's all that happens until we jump to...
Four-Toes Beach; Nighttime; 2007: Richard tries to encourage Locke to wait and let Jacob come to him, but Locke's tired of waiting and demands to know where Jacob is. Richard picks up a lit torch, and walks off. Locke follows him and we cut to Ben who's trying to recapture his Zen, on the beach. I think you left it alongside your innocence -- in the Temple years ago, Ben. Sun asks him what happened to the statue and when Ben says he doesn't know, "It was like that when I got here." Sun says, "Do you expect me to believe that?" Ben almost smiles. "Not really." Locke calls to Ben and tells him to follow along. Tamed, maybe even broken, Ben quietly complies until Richard stops them and wonders what th
ey're doing. Ben says, "John wants me to join him." Richard says, "You can't bring him in." Locke says, "Why not?" Richard explains that only the leader can request an audience with Jacob and there's only one leader on the island at a time. Locke insists Ben come along and says he'll work things out with Jacob if he takes issue. Richard hands his torch to Locke, finds the right stone on the statue's base, and pushes until he gets it ajar. He tells Locke, "Tell him I said hello," and leaves him and Ben to their business. Inside the statue, Ben walks ahead of Locke and takes in the whole scene. Locke asks Ben if he'll be able to do this. "I know it won't be easy, but things will change once he's gone. I promise." He hands Ben his knife, and Ben removes it from the sheath and we cut to...Commercial.
Island; This Place Is Sayid's Death; 1977: Jin piles cloth after cloth atop Sayid's wound, and it is just me, or did the wound move? Poor Jin. Poor Sayid. Too bad there isn't a doctor any closer than THE OTHER FRICKING SIDE OF THE VAN! Yeah, the slider is open and Juliet is sitting right there on the van floor, with her legs dangling out the door. Miles walks up to her, Sawyer and Hurley and Kate, who also find the side of the van more compelling than the dying Sayid, and says, "Can I ask you something, LaFleur?" Sawyer says, "There's ain't no more LaFleur, Enos. Go ahead, shoot." Miles says the words I've been wondering the whole episode. "Has it occurred to any of you that your buddy's going to cause the thing he's trying to prevent?" Everyone sort of looks at each other, and I laugh and laugh and laugh. Miles ignores me and says, "Perhaps that little nuke is the incident, so maybe the best thing to do..." Miles employees his jazz hands for emphasis. "...Is nothing?" Sawyer looks again at Juliet. Hurley looks down. Miles realizes how far gone these people are, and says, "Well, I'm glad you all thought this through." As he starts to walk away from them, they hear a Jeep down below and Jin realizes it's speeding toward the Swan site. Kate says, "If they see Jack, they're going to kill him." Sawyer looks at Juliet and says, "What do you think, Blondie?" Juliet considers for a moment, then says, "Live together; die alone," and we cut to...
The Swan Site: The Radzinsky Beast thanks Phil for coming while Dr. Chang yells that they need to be getting people away from the site, not summoning them to it. Everyone ignores him while Jack watches from above. Phil orders men to the top of the scaffolding and everyone seems to be ignoring that all the gauges -- temperature, RPM and Gauss are pinned (or nearly so) to their highest reading. Jack creeps down to hide behind the water tank, but Phil spots him and yells, "There." He fires on poor Jack as does just about everyone else on site. Everyone, that is, until the blue van appears over the crest and drives down to the site. The cavalry is here and Kate's riding shotgun (but shooting handgun). The slider is open and Juliet's firing out it. She jumps out of the van, as do Sawyer, Miles and possibly everyone but Kate. Hurley must have stayed behind with Sayid. The diversion allows Jack to make it closer to the hatch with his nuke. Sawyer knocks out the Radzinsky Beast WHEN HE HAD A CLEAR SHOT AT HIS HEAD, BACK AND OTHER PLACES THAT WOULD PUT HIM OUT OF OUR MISERY. You just lost 25 points of my love, James. He doesn't care, he's too busy ordering Phil to drop his weapon or he's a dead man. Oh James, Radzinsky is the head of this particular serpent. Off with its head. Off with its head!
Sawyer grabs Phil while Chang disarms the Radzinsky Beast. Because Sawyer has him in a headlock with a gun pointed at his brain, Phil gives the order for the crew to drop their weapons. Once they have, Sawyer tells Jack he can come out, now. And damn it, the Radzinsky Beast isn't even unconscious. Sawyer's down 50 points, now. Kate comes out of the van when Jack appears. Sawyer tells Jack, "Hurry up and do your business." I hardly think this is the time for a trip to the little boys' room, James. Oh, you mean the business of making everything go 'splodey. Well, why the heck not. For good measure, Sawyer orders the workers to turn "that damned thing" (i.e. the drill) off. Chang does the honors and we hear the drill start to wind down and thank goodness, because I'm tense enough without all that extra noise.
Wait. It's still going. Chang yells that it won't shut down. Sawyer asks, "Why not?" Chang says, "Something's pulling the drill down." The Radzinsky Beast sneers, "We've hit the pocket!" Juliet and Kate stand guard as Jack removes the bomb from its spur-of-the-moment, custom-tailored pack. He pauses as he holds it over the hatch -- a fine spray of water baptizes his face, and Sawyer hollers at him to hurry up. Jack looks up at Kate, whose eyes are full of tears. She nods at him. Sawyer throws Phil down and then looks at Juliet, who smiles like she's starting to twig the fact that maybe he likes her a little. You crazy kids. Sawyer closes his eyes as if to say...something. It ought to be, "I'm sorry I didn't kill the Radzinsky Beast," but it's probably more like, "I've got your back, Blondie, but er...I don't know as that I'm all that much protection against this here nu-cu-lehr bomb." Speaking of, Jack lets the bomb fall. We watch it plummet for a moment, before the camera pans to our main characters. Sawyer lowers his head. Juliet cries, maybe joyfully, but cringes. Jack braces himself. Kate closes her eyes and lets the tears fall. They all grimace and brace as they wait for the explosion that seems to be taking forever to happen. Because it is taking forever. It's not happening. Finally, Sawyer breaks the silence. "This don't look like LAX."
The temperature gage has maxed out at 300 degrees. The other meters are still maxed out, too. Steam shoots from the hatch and then everything metal starts flying into it. At first, it's small stuff like Jack's gun and some hand tools. Chang presses the drill's off button repeatedly, but to no avail. the metal scaffolding starts getting sucked into the hatch. When it falls, it pins Dr. Chang's left hand. Miles yells, "Dad!" and runs to him. A wheelbarrow flies into the hatch -- then a toolbox, which hits Jack on the head and knocks him out -- on its way. Kate cries out his name and runs to him. Miles frees Chang and orders him to get as far away as he can. The Radzinsky Beast and a couple of Dharma guys hop in a Jeep and try to take off, but their Jeep's pulled toward the hatch, too. YES! When it tips on its side, the Radzinsky Beast is, unfortunately, thrown free. NO! A rifle starts sliding across the ground toward the hatch, but Phil stops it with his foot, picks it up, and aims at Sawyer, yelling, "Hey, LaFleur." Sawyer looks behind Phil and skedaddles away from the scaffolding that's about to pin Phil to the ground. It does, and then Phil is staked with a metal pole. Why couldn't that have happened with Radzinsky? Oh, right. You'd need wooden stakes or a silver bullet, or the like.
A chain is drawn to the hatch, but on its way, it snags itself a Juliet -- right around her slender waist. Kate rushes from Jack to Juliet's rescue and pulls on the chain with all her might, but the magnetism is too strong. Sawyer calls out Juliet's name and runs over to her, snagging her hand right as she loses her grip on whatever she grabbed to stop herself from plummeting down the hatch. "Where do you think you're going, Blondie?" He yells for Kate to get Juliet's chains off, and reassures Juliet that he's got her. Kate can't reach Juliet's chains. Whatever she and Sawyer are leaning on then starts to fall. Juliet's crying and frightened to death. It's heartbreaking and I hate it and I hate her stupid red shirt. The struggle continues for quite some time with Sawyer sternly telling Juliet, "I got you. Don't you leave me. Don't you leave me!" She tells him, "It's okay." Sawyer cries, "No. You don't let go." Juliet says, "I love you, James." He yells, "No." She says, "I love you so much." Sawyer screams, "No, no," and Juliet's hand slips from his. We watch her fall until she's out of our sight and then Sawyer cries as he seems to will her to come back to him. When he realizes she's gone, he gasps and sobs like a baby. I immediately restore all love points and hand out some bonus points, but it can't help him, not right now.
Four-Toes Beach; 2007: Richard joins Sun on a rock and offers her some water. She says, "Do you have any alcohol." Richard says, "No. I sure wish I did," and swigs from the canteen. From the distance, Ilana, Bram, Sayid, and the what's-in-the-box-box approach. Their torchlight gives them away and Locke's people grab their weapons and train them on the interlopers. Ilana raises her hands and says, "Don't shoot." She and her crew lay their weapons on the beach and she asks, "Which one of you is Ricardus?" Richard approaches her and says, "It's Richard, actually." Ilana's got a one-track mind, so she doesn't even seem to take in the pretty and gets right to her now well-worn point. "What lies in the shadow of the statue?" Richard pauses then says, "Ille qui nos omnes servabit," which means He who will protect/save us all. Ilana and Bram let out a big breath; she introduces herself, and says she has something Richard needs to see. When she tells her crew to, "Open it up," Locke's people all cock their weapons, but Richard talks them down. Frank just stands there, when you think he'd give Sun a heads up, or something. The crew takes the lid off the what's-in-the-box-box, and they tip it on its side. The camera takes its sweet time panning over the side of the crate to reveal the lifeless form of a man, but THEY DON'T SHOW US HIS FACE. I mean, I think we've all figured it out now, but still. SHOW US HIS FACE, DAMMIT. Richard stammers. "Wh-where did you find him?" Ilana says, "In the cargo hold of the plane we came here on." The music spins up and out and we cut from Richard and Sun looking down at the body, and just as we FINALLLY see that it's John Locke, Ilana adds, "In a coffin." We stare at dead Locke for a moment, and then Sun says, "I don't understand. If this is Locke, who's in there?" The camera pans to Four-Toes and Ilana's eyes widen. Richard looks back down at Locke as do we, at least until we cut to...
Inside Four-Toes: Oops, we're still looking at Locke, but this here Locke has got to be Esau, right? Ben doesn't know that though, so he follows Esau-Locke's lead, just like Smokey-Alex told him to. Of course, Smokey-Alex was probably Esau, too. They reach the inner chamber and the big fire is still burning in the center. You'll be glad to know that there is an opening over it, which seems weird since they're in the base of a statue, but whatever. Oh, right. The statue's but a ruin, now. Ben looks up through the gaping hole and at the night sky, then back at Esau-Locke. Knife in hand, he then walks over to Jacob's tapestry, which is complete. Lostpedia has a good description of the tapestry, here and I see no need to re-invent the wheel. With the help of the fine people over there, I'll note the tapestry contains two quotes from Homer's Odyssey, written in Greek. The first translates to: "May the gods grant thee all that thy heart desires." The second can be rendered as: "May the gods grant thee happiness." Lostpedia has an article on Odyssey references in Lost, if you're looking for more info. As Esau-Locke's attention is directed toward something else at the other end of the chamber, Jacob watches Ben from behind a column, then finally says, "Do you like it?" He's seated, I believe, in a rocking chair, but it's hard to tell in the dark.
After Esau-Locke greets him, Jacob says, "Well, you found your loophole." Esau-Locke replies, "Indeed I did, and you have no idea what I've gone through to be here." Jacob's eyes look sad to me as he appraises his old companion. Ben asks the two if they've met before. Esau-Locke says, "In a manner of speaking." Ben's all wound up and ready to kill Jacob, so Jacob says, "Benjamin, whatever he's told you, I want you to understand one thing: you have a choice."
Ben looks at Jacob with hate in his eyes. "What choice?" Jacob says, "You can do what he asks, or you can go -- leave us to discuss our...issues." Ben's voice trembles as he says, "Oh, so now, after all this time, you've decided to stop ignoring me. Thirty-five years I lived on this island, and all I ever heard was your name, over and over. Richard would bring me your instructions -- all those slips of paper -- all those lists. And I never questioned anything. I did as I was told. But when I dared to ask to see you myself, I was told, 'You have to wait; you have to be patient'. But when he (meaning Locke) asked to see you? He gets marched straight up here as if he was Moses. So...why him? What was it that was so wrong with me? What about me?" It isn't fair. I've had enough now, I want my share, can't you see.... Ahem. Excuse me. Jacob stares at him then inclines his head as he says, "What about you?" Shoot, Jacob, I think Ben was hoping for something more along these lines. Ben's eyes grow wide -- no really, even wider than that. He says, "Well," and then plunges Esau-Locke's knife into Jacob's chest -- twice. Jacob falls against Ben, before sliding to the floor. He spits out his own blood as he gasps something unintelligible. Esau-Locke crouches down to hear him and says, "What? I can't hear ya." Gee, maybe that's on account of the fact that your minion left the guy with a sucking chest wound, Esau-Locke. Jacob's nicer than I am, so he repeats himself with what seems to be his dying breath: "They're coming." Esau-Locke looks alarmed. He rises to his feet and standing over the kneeling Jacob's dying body, he kicks him right into the fire. Ben seems aghast, but Esau-Locke just glares at his dying nemesis. But we don't have time to stand around here and yell, "Holy crap," like we need to, because instead, we have to jump to...
The Swan Site; 1977: Everything that's ever even stood to anything metal is now getting sucked into the hatch. We watch Jack struggle to regain consciousness as we hear Kate warn Sawyer to "Get off of there." Jack joins her and together, they try to pull Sawyer away from the hatch -- away from the place where he lost Juliet. They get him out in the nick of time before a thousand and one objects fall/get sucked in by the electro-magnetic energy. At the bottom of the hatch, poor Juliet isn't yet dead. She shakes and cries until she spies Jack's bomb which must have landed on the one soft spot down there that wasn't under water. Hacking and coughing Juliet turns herself over, grabs a rock and starts pounding on the Jughead's core. "Damn you. Come on!" One, two, three, four, five, six, seven times she bangs, crying all the while. "Come on, you son of a bitch." She bangs the eighth time and KABOOOOOOOM! Everything goes white. The title card is white too, and this time LOST is written in black. DUN! Bad robot!
I don't even know what to say. When we first saw the what's-in-the-box-box, I wondered if it could have carried Locke's casket, but I only gave about a second's thought to whether or not the Terry O'Quinn standing on the beach was live Locke or Memorex. He ate fruit and relished in the eating. In hindsight, I guess I should have seen it. His confidence wasn't the give-away, so much as the fact that after Ajira crashed on Hydra, Locke never once made a wrong move. And when he disappeared before Smokey appeared, I always figured that for a misdirect. Now, I'm not sure Esau is Smokey, but it seems far more likely, now -- mostly because it was Smokey-Alex's warning to Ben that made Esau-Locke's plan fall into place. I'm wondering about all Smokey's judgments -- of character like Eko, Ben, and even maybe Locke (which was maybe more of a a sucker-assessment). One of the translations of Satan is the accuser. He stands before God and prosecutes us, in a sense. I'm not saying Esau-Locke is Satan. Lost's pantheon is vast and I don't want to hem it in with my own theology,
but still, I can't shake that thought.
And Jacob? Is he good, or is he evil. The show has played with the symbolism of black and white for years now. It's hard to know whether to give the color of Jacob and Esau's attire its traditional understanding, or switch it around. And what to make of the fact that Jacob's pants are black, while Esau's are grey? For that matter, let's take a look at Jacob's visits to our Lost-aways. Now surely, he wanted them all to come to the island, as a back-up/reset plan for when Esau found his loophole, but beyond that, let's see what we've got.
Kate
Gift: NKOTB lunchbox (and getting her out of trouble).
Touch: He boops her on the nose.
Words: He tells her to be a good girl and gets her to promise she won't steal again.
Analysis: Talking the grocer out of calling the cops and Katie's mom can be read as either a kindly act or a destructive one. Sure, he saved her from getting in trouble, but the benefit of getting into trouble when you're young and the consequences are low is that you'll learn to stop doing bad things, before you grow up and the consequences are higher -- a lesson Kate could have stood to learn, yes. Of course she made her own choices, but did he give her a little nudge? Still, his words to the grocer about what mattering is that someone pays does draw my mind to Christ.
Sawyer
Gift: Pen
Touch: brushing his fingers.
Words: He offers his condolences about James' parents.
Analysis: Giving this grieving boy a pen when he was writing the particular letter he was writing (and if Jacob's not omniscient, he knows enough about our characters that I don't doubt he knows about the letter) did nothing to discourage the boy from accepting that what's "Done is done." Again, James made his own choices, even though he had Uncle Doug to nudge him the right way, at the time, but Jacob's gift did nothing to dissuade this boy from growing up and seeking vengeance, and perhaps that shiny pen served as a little temptation.
Sayid
Gift: None
Touch: On the shoulder, right after Nadia is hit by the car.
Words: Nothing of substance.
Analysis: Arguably, Jacob kept Sayid from getting hit by the car, but he did nothing to save Nadia, and perhaps if Sayid hadn't been distracted, he could have saved her -- or she never would have stopped in the middle of the street. Then again, the car seemed to have been aiming for her. If Ben was telling the truth -- ahahahahaha, pardon me -- if Ben was telling the truth and that was one of Widmore's men, was the car meant to knock off Sayid? If so, why? I don't remember attempts on the lives of any of the other Escape-aways, except possibly Hurley while he was in Santa Rosa, and that was only once the whole issue of returning to the island was coming to a head. The fact that men were staking out Hurley's mental institution was used by Ben to get Sayid back to the States. Given Sayid's condition before the bomb went off, and his chilling words that there's no saving him, I can't help but think thusly about the narrative. Jacob saved Sayid's life -- gave him a second chance, and Sayid used it to murder people. Oh Sayid, I hope I'm wrong and that there is salvation for you.
Ilana
Gift: None.
Touch: No visible touch and Jacob was wearing black gloves.
Words: A request to help him.
Analysis: Ilana seemed to know who Jacob was. Was it of her and her crew that Jacob spoke, when he gasped, "They're coming" with his dying breath -- or was he speaking of Jack, Kate, Sawyer, et al, and their giant Jughead-fueled reset? If Jacob is this island's god, are Ilana and her crew angels or zealots?
Sun & Jin
Gift: None.
Touch: Touches them both on their arms -- at the same time.
Words: His blessing in the form of cautionary words -- not to take one another for granted.
Analysis: I can't read any deep ulterior motive into this, which makes me think better of Jacob's interactions with the other characters. Of course, there's the obvious motive of making sure Sun doesn't leave Jin for her lover, which plays into them flying to L.A., which lands them on the island in the first place but I mean beyond that. Arguably, all Jacob's interactions with these characters marked them in some way, and occurred at key moments in their lives, and in some way Jacob meeting up with them was meant to assure they'd wind up on the island.
Locke
Gift: None, unless like me, you think he brought Locke back to life.
Touch: Firm grasp of shoulder.
Words: Tells Locke not to worry and that he's sorry this happened to him.
Analysis: I can't read any ulterior motive into this, either, except for the obvious one of making sure Locke survived long enough to get to the island. If Jacob brought Locke back to life once, will he do so again?
Jack
Gift: Apollo Candy Bar.
Touch: Their fingers brush.
Words: "I guess it just needed a little push."
Analysis: Is this a metaphor for Jack being the kind of guy who gets so bogged down with fear that he can't act? Did Jacob somehow give him a little push by rewarding him for telling off his father? I don't know. I can't make sense of this one.
Hurley
Gift: Guitar.
Touch: On the shoulder.
Words: Jacob says the most to Hurley. He assures him he's not crazy and advises him to look at his ability to speak to the departed as a gift. Hurley's the only one Jacob talks to about the island and he encourages him to return, but he leaves the choice in Hurley's hands.
Of all the interactions above, I feel the worst for Sawyer and Kate. They were kids. If/since Jacob seemed to mark them at such a young age, and if he's a capricious or evil god, rather than a benevolent one (if he's a god at all) I can't shake this bad feeling about him. I want to like him and I want him to be a force for good, but I can't discount the other possibilities. At first glance, it seems to me like he marked his prey to make sure they'd end up on the island, where they could save his ancient ass. And yet, for the most part, most of these people were probably going to turn out the way they did, anyhow. The really harmful event in Sawyer's life was losing his parents in a murder suicide, and growing up however he grew up after that, and then choosing to be conman. Jacob only gave him a pen, something he could have found on his own, anyhow. And Jacob did tell Kate to stay out of trouble, so he didn't pretend there was nothing wrong with her stealing the lunchbox. She was far more scarred by her bio-dad than her benign meeting with Jacob.
What I'd really like to know is which of Ben's actions were done on Jacob's orders. That would be telling, I think. That could make this all so much clearer. And for that matter, if Jacob is good, why did Richard know that taking the wounded wee Ben of 1977 for some good old down-island healing was going to result in the loss of his memory...and his innocence? What's more, was the healing what disqualified Ben from being a recognized leader on the island, or did he do something (perhaps something like manipulating Charles Widmore's banishment) that tainted him in Jacob's eyes?
I also want to know who was behind any and all of the Christian Shephard apparitions we've seen. Were they all Esau? Were some Ben? Were any Christian, himself? Has Esau been behind everything? Is he evil because he wants to kill Jacob, or does he want to kill Jacob because he thinks Jacob is evil? The way Esau-Locke so casually told Richard that they have to "take care of" the other Ajira 316 survivors suggests there's real malice in his heart, but since those folks seem to be working for Jacob, until we know where Jacob stands, it's hard to say.
I can't even begin to contemplate the true nature of Jacob and Esau. Are they gods? God and Satan? Brothers? Are they something else entirely? That question will weigh on my mind 'til 2010, so you have a final assignment before you're dismissed for your Summer, Fall, and Partial-Winter vacation. Please develop a detailed plan on how I can make it to 2010 without seeing more of this show, because right now, the only thing I can think of involves a padded room, a straight-jacket, and mainlining tranquilizers. I can manage the first two, but my doctor's stingy with the third.
Final thoughts: It was wonderful to see Bernard and Rose again and I delighted in their attitude toward the tri-angst-le. It also brought me back, yet again, to Desmond telling Jack that he and the other Escape-aways/Returnees were getting caught up in someone else's game. Rose and Bernard refused to play, and seemed to live happily ever after -- or at least thus far. I wish we could have seen Sun and Jin reunited. My heart breaks for Juliet and her Romeo. I hope we see her again. I worry for Sayid. I feel pity for Locke, who was seemingly never special -- and always a pawn. And I wish like crazy that I knew how season was going to begin -- what the show will look like, how the story will be told from here on out. year is the last year. There's only one end. Everything before that is progress. Dead is dead. Whatever happened, happened (except for when it didn't). Live together, die alone. Black is white. Done is done. And? So am I. Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope you had at least half as much fun as I did this season. Enjoy your summer. I think I'm going to kick mine off with a five season re-watch.
Cindy McLennan's arms are falling off, but Miles is trying to fix them. Please send your pet theories and thoughts to her over this way too long hiatus at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com. You can also follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/CindyMcLennan.
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