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Was that insane or what? I think I can hear colors melting and they all taste like the sun. That is to say, the crazier this show gets, the harder I love it. Pretty soon? My heart's going to explode. Where to begin? Where to begin? How about at the beginning?
Once Daniel is dead, Charles and an Other-Goon catch Jack and Kate in the jungle and bring them to Camp Richard where Jack confirms to (a little bit pregnant) Ellie that she's Daniel's mother and that she needs to help him (i.e. Jack) detonate a hydrogen frigging bomb in order to prevent a plane crash which left an awful lot of people… alive. Yeah. Kate thinks that's nuts, because it is, so she heads out on her own. When one of the Others doesn't like this and tries to shoot her down, Sayid pops out of nowhere and shoots him. Kate and Jack agree to disagree about the end of the island/world/life as they know it, and once she tells off Sayid for shooting wee Ben, she leaves to find the rest of her people (read: Sawyer). Sayid, Jack, Ellie, and Richard swim under the creek and through a tunnel to the bowels of the Temple, where the Others have hidden the Jughead bomb.
Meanwhile, Sawyer and Juliet are roughed up by Radzinsky and Phil -- despite both Horace and Chang's wishes. Eventually, Sawyer cuts a deal. Sawyer will tell Radzinsky what he wants to know (and draw him a map) if Radzinsky will put him and Juliet on the sub. Said sub is set to leave the island with all the women and children aboard (including Charlotte and her mum, and Lara and Baby Miles Chang) because Dr. Chang caught Hurley, Miles and Jin sneaking off, and got them to admit that they truly are from the future and that there's going to be a catastrophic incident at the Swan. On the sub, Sawyer and Juliet declare their love for one another, and then one more passenger boards. It's Kate! As you can imagine, Juliet is thrilled beyond measure.
And in 2007, Locke tells Sun to sit tight on the beach and then leads Ben and Richard to Yemi's plane, tells Richard to go over to it, remove the bullet from alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke's leg, and inform alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke that he's going to have to get everyone to come back to Craphole and that he's going to have to die. Locke and Ben look on as Richard and alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke have their special moment, and then alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke disappears into thin air. Locke, Richard and Ben return to Sun and the modern-day Others. Locke proclaims himself Lord High King of Otherton and demands that Richard and Ben take him to Jacob. They try to explain to Locke that it doesn't work like that, but Locke is no longer taking advice or instructions from anyone, especially those he believes have never seen Jacob. He then invites all the Others to go see Jacob with him and I'm half convinced he's going to try to prove Jacob doesn't exist, because as their merry band of buggered march along the beach, Locke tells Ben he's going to kill Jacob. DUN! Bad Robot.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! I always start recording an episode a minute or two prior to show time, just as a safety, you know? Well, the series finale of Scrubs aired right before Lost, "Follow The Leader" and I tear up every time I see it, which makes it really hard to get in the right frame of mind for Lost. I'm no Superman. Thank goodness for the beautifully violent, spooky, gloomy, and creepy...Previously on Lost: Ben saves Locke's life to take it. Then on Hydra Island, Locke surprises Ben by being all alive. Sun shows Locke the picture of Jack, Kate, Hurley and the other 1977 Dharma recruits and asks if he knows how to find Jin. Locke gives a non-committal, "I have some ideas," in response. Sun asks if Ben knew Locke would get all undead if they brought him back to the island. Ben says, "Dead is dead. You don't get to come back from that." So what does he know? Daniel tells Jack about "The Incident" at the Swan and how the energy unleashed as a result of it, was ultimately responsible for the crash of Ocean 815. But Daniel thinks he can preempt the incident, by blowing everything up with the "Jughead" hydrogen bomb. And now?
The Island; Outskirts of Camp Richard; 1977: We get a quick review of the fatal ending of "The Variable" with some new scenes stuffed in the middle. With the gun he doesn't know how to use drawn and pointed at Richard, Daniel asks where the hydrogen bomb is, as Kate and Jack watch from the bushes. Daniel gives Richard three seconds to answer, but time moves differently on the island, so three measly seconds is plenty of time for Kate to ask Jack what Daniel's doing and throw in some commentary, too. "Jack, he's crazy." But remember how Jack's been all calm and mature and ready not to interfere since he returned to Craphole? Either he's all over that now, or his calm façade was even more of a cover than his snazzy Dharma coveralls, because he says, "Is he? What if this is why we're here? What if this is our one chance to put things back the way they're supposed to be?"
Kate's in quick-study mode this week, and gets that Jack's gone completely 'round the bend, so she manages not to say, "Well, then we're screwed," when a shot rings out and Eloise Hawking kills the adult version of the baby we're soon going to learn she's currently carrying her womb -- that is -- our very own adorkable, hottie mad-scientist, Daniel Faraday. Jack's ready to rush Camp Richard but Kate pulls him back and convinces him to flee. They run in the wrong direction though and are caught by two Others on horseback -- a nameless Other-Goon and Charles Widmore. Is it just me, or when he's played by David S. Lee, is Widmore is kind of nummy in a needs-a-bath-Viggo-Mortensen/Aragorn sort of way? Widmore thwacks Jack in the face with the butt of his rifle, bloodying his pretty face and knocking him to the ground. Kate looks like she cares for at least three seconds. Other-Goon dismounts and orders Kate and Jack not to move, and Widmore approaches and asks "Just who the bloody hell might you be?" We cut to...
Camp Richard, Proper: Eloise "You Give Love A Bad Name" Hawking leafs through Daniel's journal and pauses on the inscription:
Daniel,
No matter what, remember I will always love you.
Mother
Eloise is looking from the journal to Daniel's lifeless eyes, and then at Richard, when Widmore arrives back at camp, calling her name. Richard catches him up on what happened with Daniel, and then Charles catches Eloise and Richard up on his brand new prisoners. Eloise asks Jack and Kate if they came here with "this man" -- meaning Daniel. Corpse is more specific now, Mommy Dearest. When Jack says yes, she orders the Other-Goon to put them in her tent. Alice Evans has pretty blue eyes, but the color is only evident when the lighting is right. The rest of the time, they nearly look black. My husband Scott keeps babbling about Black-Eyed Willow and various demons on Supernatural. I think my devotion to crazy TV has finally broken his brain. Tsk. It was a nice brain. That's just too bad. I hope he can still work, because this mortgage ain't gonna pay itself. Anyhow, when Charles asks Eloise why the Dharma Initiative seems to have declared war on them, she seems to take great pains to remain polite as she explains to him, "These people aren't from the Dharma Initiative, Charles." The moron is implied. Ellie, Charles and Richard all look around, waiting for the dramatic music to start, which it does and we jump to...
Thirty Years Later; Camp Richard By-The-Sea:: While sitting in his beachside tent (at a table!) Richard builds a ship in a bottle. So are you saying Richard arrived on Craphole via The Black Rock, Show? I was figuring him for an Egyptian, what with his affinity for kohl and all. A young woman we've never before seen, Vanessa (Elisabeth Blake), runs up to Richard and informs him that He's here.
It's Locke and he comes bearing dead boar, but even with all the crazy time shifts on this show, leave it to our boy Johnny to choose to return during a moment in which a Swine Flu joke just isn't timely. Thanks for nothing, Locke.Richard says it's been three years since they've seen one another and he wants some exposition, but Locke says they have an errand to do, so he'll catch him up later. Richard notices "something different" about Locke. Locke explains that he's found his "purpose," but my references to The Jerk are tiring even me, and I'm not feeling a Rick Warren reference here (although you can make your own out of that segue if you're so inclined) so I'm adopting Locke's we're burning daylight here, people attitude and getting on with it.
Sun and Ben follow in Locke's wake and Richard seems surprised to see Ben, so Locke explains Ben "helped" him get back, but he leaves out the part where he murdered him. Meanwhile, Sun asks Ben why Locke keeps calling Ben's people his own people. Ben says that once he left, Locke "stepped in." He also tells her Richard's name and describes him as an "advisor" of sorts. "And he has had that job for a very, very long time."
Sun unzips her pack and removes the 1997 photo of the Dharma recruits, brings it to Richard and explains she's looking for her husband Jin Kwon. She asks Richard if he was around in 1977 -- if he recognizes Jack, Hurley and Kate. Richard remembers them quite clearly. "I watched them all die." Locke and Richard both seem to look regretful, but it's hard to tell with the nearly-natives, isn't it? Dun.
2007; Camp Richard By-The-Sea: Lost in thought, Sun plays idly with Jin's wedding band, as is her wont. When Locke joins her, she wonders if it's true -- if "they're all dead." Locke tells her he doesn't think they've gone through all this for nothing. He asks Richard if he still has the old compass he gave him. Richard says it's a little rusty but it can still find north. Could it ever really find north on that island, what with all the magic electro-magnetism? Locke tells Sun to sit tight and invites Ben on the expedition he'll be taking with Richard. Ben snits about Locke not trusting him with his former people. "Afraid I'll stage a coup?" Locke says he's no longer afraid of anything Ben can do, which is just awesome. Ben fakes enthusiasm for Locke's errand which is even more awesome, and then Locke assures Sun that if there's any way for him to find their people (that he means the Oceanic 815 people is implicit in the context) he'll do it. They leave Sun alone to worry (less awesome), and we jump to...
1977; Camp Richard In-The-Verge: Other-Goon is rough with Kate as he escorts her into Ellie's tent, so Jack shouts for him to take it easy on her. Other-Goon only takes orders from Ellie, Richard, Charles, and all the other Others, so he doesn't like being bossed around and kicks Jack in the freaking head! He leaves him and Kate with an order not to talk, so, of course, they talk. Jack thinks if they can do what Faraday said (blow up the energy source at the Swan site before the incident), their plane will never crash, Oceanic 815 will land in L.A. and everyone they've lost since they crashed on Craphole will still be alive. Kate wonders, "What about us," and I want to go inside my TV set and ask her if she means her-and-Jack us or Lost-aways us or the Returnees us or well, just I need a solid definition, okay? It doesn't matter. I'm not getting one here and now. "We just go on living our life, because we've never met?" Jack's all for that, because they can kiss all the misery they've been through goodbye. Kate protests. "It was not all misery." Does it feel like they swapped roles here? Whatever. Jack's so over her this minute. Maybe the kick to the head did it. Harking back to her comment about it not being all misery, Jack says, "Enough of it was."
Their sweet-nothings are interrupted by Ellie. She asks Jack about the man she shot and why he needed the bomb. Jack's all, Lady, it's way too crazy; you'd never believe me. Since bizarre confessions are the island's secret handshake, Ellie spills her own crazy about how when she was 17, she took Daniel to the bomb, he told her to bury it, then he disappeared before her eyes, and now 23 years later, even though the man hasn't aged a day, she's shot him in the back, and listened as he claimed with his dying breath to be her son. She shows Jack the journal and wonders how the inscription is in her hand-writing even though she doesn't remember writing it. Jack explains that she hasn't written it yet, and that killing Daniel was an accident, but there's a way for her to take it all back. "If we do what's written in that journal, none of this will have happened." Ellie asks Kate if Jack knows what he's talking about. Kate frowns. "He thinks he does." Jack tries not to laugh at her, when her faint praise doesn't damn him in Ellie's eyes, but instead convinces Ellie. She'll take them to where the bomb is buried. The only problem is that Dharmaville is sitting right on top if it, these days. Huh. I wonder if that's why none of the modern-day Others can have babies, there. Jack has to disabuse Ellie of the notion that he and Kate have a viable cover with the Dharma Initiative, so the musical director helps him out. Bah bah bah bah Bah Bah BAH! And we cut to...
Dharmaville Security Barracks: The Radzinsky Beast is roughing up Sawyer in an attempt to get him to tell them where Kate is, now. Horace tries to interject some Hippie Love with a side order of "I'm still the man," but he's totally not. Phil joins in, because he's still holding a grudge against Sawyer for punching him out and locking him in the closet. Some people are so touchy. He rolls Sawyer's chair over to the security monitors playing the tape of Kate and Sawyer taking wee Ben out to Camp Richard. The Radzinsky Beast says, "Last chance. You tell me where she is, or so help me God, I will kill you." Commercial.
Juliet watches in tears as Radzinsky tries to beat a confession out of Sawyer. She yells for them to stop, and Radzinsky demands that she tell him what they want to know. Sawyer hushes Juliet. "Whatever you tell 'em, they ain't gonna believe you. It's only going to get more people hurt." Horace again tries to stop the beatings, saying Sawyer will never talk, but Phil says, "I can make him talk." The Radzinsky Beast gives him the floor, so Phil slowly walks up and smacks Juliet right across the face, bloodying her lip. Even the Radzinsky Beast looks a little appalled. Horace tries to quiet Sawyer who, naturally, is yelling, "Son of a BITCH!" He promises to kill Phil before they're interrupted by a lesser Dharma-Goon who brings the sub's manifest from last week, and notes that Jack, Kate and Hurley were all last minute add-ons. While the Radzinsky Beast knows Jack and Kate because they shot at him, he's not familiar with Hurley's name, so Phil sneers. "He's the fat guy," which kills off any remaining sympathy we might have considered setting aside for Phil. Island Rule #257: Good people describe Hurley as big and curly haired. Bad people think he's just the fat guy. And your recapper describes Hurley as LOVE. Because he totally is. Speaking of Hurley, we cut to...
Dharmaville Kitchen: Hurley packs up a bunch of Dharmaville brand foods, then guitar and groceries in hand, he heads for the hills. Dr. Chang spots him and decides to follow. As Hurley and Miles argue about whether or not they're going to rescue Sawyer and Juliet (with Hurley claiming Sawyer would never leave them behind), Chang comes up behind them. Jin and Miles aim their weapons at him, but once Miles realizes who it is, he relaxes his stance. Chang asks Miles if Faraday was telling the truth when he said they were from the future. Hurley, who must have forgotten that he learned not to lie this season, says, "Dude, that's ridiculous." Since Mama Reyes isn't around to remind him, Dr. Chang, the Island and Dumb Luck team up to school him. Chang asks Hurley what year he was born. Hurley is an artist, not a mathematician, so he says, "Um, 1931." Chang has a hard time believing Hurley could be 46, but Hurley says he is. Chang says, "So you fought in the Korean War?" Hurley must have gone to public school, because you can see him trying to figure out whether or not Chang is tricking him and decides that he is. Slowly, he answers, "There's...no such thing." Miles shoots Jin a look, like you knew he would, but it is Korean Jin who steals the scene as he rolls his eyes in response. Whee!
Chang's not done, though. He asks Hurley who was President of the U.S. in 1977. If Sawyer was there, Hurley would hit him and say, "Why don't you tell him, Mr. It's-Not-A-Damn-Game-Show?" but Sawyer's too busy getting the crap beat of him to have Hurley's back right now, so Hurley just says, "All right dude, we're from the future. Sorry." I love how the big charade comes apart in just a few words.
Chang turns to Miles and asks him if it's all true. "You are my son?" Miles confirms that he is, and then Chang recaps Daniel's warning about the soon-to-be massive accident at the Swan. Miles says Daniel's been right about everything so far. "So if he said to get everyone off the island, I'd do it." Chang is convinced of everything way more easily and quickly than I ever expected. I don't know why, but it reminds me of when my cousin fell in love with and married a man from Cancun whose English was, at the time, only so-so, but much better than her Spanish. He said something to her in Spanish once that she didn't understand. When she asked him what it meant, he said, "Your soul knows what I said." They're divorced now, Chang. I'm just saying. He doesn't hear me, because he's a fictional person inside of my TV and more importantly, because we've already jumped to...
1977; Camp Richard In-The-Verge: The camera zooms in on poor Daniel's dead face and then up to Charles who is kneeling over him, wondering aloud to Richard why "this man" looks so familiar. I think Richard must know, but he doesn't say. When Eloise marches out of her tent, her demeanor makes it clear that she wears the pants in the camp. She informs Richard that he and "Eric" are going with her. Charles wants to know where they're going. Ellie ignores him, tells Richard to untie Kate and Jack, and asks for a moment alone with Daniel, or maybe Charles. Let's say both. It's a family reunion, of sorts. And what a happy family it is. Kate wipes a fake tear from her eye as Murderous Mommy closes Daniel's eyes and covers him with a blanket and tells Daniel's Daddy Issues that she's taking their new prisoners to the bomb. They have a whispered conversation, in which Charles says things like that he's worried for her and "Not in your condition." He has his hand pressed to her abdomen the whole time, but Ellie's made her decision.
Looking on, Jack asks Richard who the man with Eloise is. Richard says that he's "Charles Widmore. He and Eloise are...well, let's just say love can be complicated." For a moment, I remember my theory from "Jughead" that Ellie and Charles were siblings, but eww, I'm wiping that from my mind unless and until the show forces it back in there. Kate wipes a fake tear from her eye again, in case we didn't catch it the first time, and considers the complications of love. Eloise says it's time to move out, and we jump to...
2007; Jungle; Nighttime: Richard wants to know where Locke was the last three years. Locke seems surprised that Richard doesn't know. Richard recaps the events from the day Ben turned the wheel, and recounts how they were sitting on a log, but then Locke just disappeared. Locke says Richard is about to see where he disappeared to. "And after we're finished with that, I'd like you to take me to see Jacob." Richard and Ben stop dead in their tracks, and Ben says, "That's not how it works, John." Locke asks Richard if this is going to be a problem. Richard tries to stall, but Locke plays his I'm the leader card and gets Richard to agree that he'll do what Locke asked.
Locke leads them right near Yemi's plane and gives its history, then tells Richard that a man will walk out of the jungle who's been shot in the leg. He gives him a first aid kit and tells Richard to remove the bullet from the man's leg, and then tell the man that he has to bring everyone who left back to the island. "And when he asks how to do that, you tell him he's going to have to die." Just then, alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke comes stumbling through the brush. Ben stares. "Who is that man, John?" Locke smiles and turns to Ben. "Me." Richard looks at the director as if to say: Cut to commercial! Cut! Cut! I've seen a lot of crazy shit on this island, but that takes the cake.
Richard tends to alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke's leg, just like he did in "Because You Left." But this time, when alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke asks how Richard knew there was a bullet in his leg, and Richard says, "Because you told me there was, John," and then corrects to, "Well, you will," it makes as much sense as anything else on t
his show. Meanwhile, Locke and Ben look on, and Ben snarks that this must be quite the "out of body experience" for Locke, and asks how his timing could be quite so impeccable that he could lead Richard to the right place and his alterna-self at the right time. Locke's answer is the same as it's been almost since the minute Ocean 815 crashed and he realized he could walk. The island. The island. The island. The island told Locke when to be there. "Didn't it ever tell you things?" Ben thinks that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. "No John, and clearly it hasn't told you where Jacob is, or you wouldn't need Richard to show you." Locke says, "You've never seen Jacob, have you?" Whether he's caught in a lie or just jealous, Ben's not answering, but the awkward silence is cut short by the sound of alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke FLASHING away from his nursemaid Richard.
Ben says, "What just happened? Where did you go?" Locke smiles. "To give Richard his compass back." Richard returns from the plane as if in a daze. When he gets back to John, he asks him if he wants the bullet. Locke tells him to keep it and asks if everything went all right. Richard said that alterna-Locke seemed pretty convinced, "Especially when I said you have to die. I'm glad that didn't have to happen." Locke smiles for a moment, then glares at Ben. "Actually Richard, it did." He picks up his pack and suggests they get back to camp and we jump to...
1977; Dharmaville: Chang enters the security barracks and gives the order to evacuate the island. There's a power struggle of sorts between him and the Radzinsky Beast who's doing his best Al "I'm In Charge" Haig impression. They're supposed to break ground on the Swan in 20 hours and he's not stopping now. Why, he's built a pretty model and everything! He's not impressed by Chang's authority, Horace's, or any cataclysmic incident that's been prophesied by anyone, anywhere. Sawyer, barely able to speak, says that Chang's right. "It ain't safe. Put the women and children on a sub and get them out of here. If you put me and Juliet on the sub with 'em, we'll tell you anything you want to know." Juliet smiles regretfully at him, so he asks, "Are you okay with that, sweetheart." She is. The Radzinsky Beast hands Sawyer a notebook and tells him to draw them a map of exactly where the hostiles are. And we cut to...
The Outskirts Of Camp Richard In-The-Verge: Ellie leads Richard, Eric, Kate and Jack to a pond. They have to swim under it to get to "the tunnels." Kate's out of there. She didn't sign up for this and she thinks Jack's plan is batshit insane, anyhow. When she tries to leave, Eric makes to shoot her and Jack tries to stop him. There's a shot, and Kate looks down at herself, and I wonder for a moment if she's been hit, or if Jack has. But they're both safe. The gunshot came from Sayid, who just took out Eric. Goodbye sort of cute Other-Goon. We hardly knew ye. The moment Sayid reveals himself, he looks as loony as anyone ever has on this island, and only slightly less loony than Desmond looked back at Hawking's church in L.A. So of course we go to commercial, to cut the dramatic tension. Sigh.
Richard wonders why Eloise is going along with Jack's harebrained scheme and why she's acting like it doesn't matter that "these people" just killed one of their men. Eloise says that if "these people" are right about what they're going to do, it won't matter. We cut to Sayid who's getting filled in on said harebrained scheme. Sayid says he's already changed everything by killing Benjamin Linus. He looks so pretty, so crazy, and so darned pleased with himself. I think that LSD hasn't worn off yet, man. Anyhow, his point is that even though he killed Ben, they're all still there. Kate sneers. "That's because you didn't kill him." She explains that she and Sawyer saved him by taking him to the others, because, as she puts it: "Since when did shooting kids and blowing up hydrogen bombs become okay." Jack reiterates that they ended up where they are for a reason and that this is their chance to change things. I don't think Kate wants to change things, honestly. Otherwise her shapely self would be rotting in a prison somewhere stateside, because she would have returned home without a baby and without the sympathy of the nation. Her argument though is that if Jack is wrong, everyone on the island dies. Jack says he's not wrong, because he's Jack and he's never been wrong. Right? Okay, so maybe he needs a refresher. When he trots out the "This is our destiny" line, Kate implies he sounds just like Locke, who Jack used to know was crazy. Kate's out of there. She's going to find the rest of "our people" (read: Sawyer). "Because if I can't stop you, maybe they [he] can."
Dharmaville: Mothers and children exit the Dharma blue VW buses and head toward the sub. We see Charlotte and her mum and then Lara and baby Miles. Adult Miles, Jin and Hurley overhear as Dr. Chang takes a harsh tone with Lara, in order to get her mad enough at him to leave and save her life and baby Miles's. They spot the Dharma-Goons loading Sawyer and Juliet into the sub and adult Miles starts to fret, but Hurley still has faith in Sawyer and assures Miles and Jin that it will be okay. "Sawyer always has a plan." I don't know about that, Hugo. I don't think he's gotten to read in a couple of days now, and it seems almost as long since he's thought about anything, either.
On their way to the sub, Sawyer tries to make Juliet smile with his new plans to be rich and fabulously wealthy, which include buying shares in Microsoft and betting on the Cowboys in the 1978 Super Bowl, because he has a better mind for historical events than Hurley. He apologizes for not getting on the sub with Juliet three years ago. She says she's glad he talked her out of it. Juliet climbs down into the sub, first. Sawyer though, stops dramatically, looks up at the mountains of Craphole and sneers, "Good riddance." We cut to...
The Pond: Richard, Ellie, Jack, and Sayid swim underwater and then through underwater tunnels and it makes me claustrophobic just to think about it, so that's all the detail you're getting, except I'll note that reportedly, Matthew Fox was not too crazy about shooting this scene and I don't blame him. When he emerges, in the tunnels (which look like they're maybe part of the temple) Richard is lighting a torch and I'd really like to know how. I guess somebody left ancient matches? Jack wants to know what's , so Richard says they're going to get the 12' long, 40,000 pound hydrogen bomb out the same way they got it in and no Jack, you dummy, not through the pool. So, I'm thinking magic science? Oh and yes, you'll note that the pond is a pool, now. Pool. Pond. Pond would be good for you. The cameraman throws in a little something for everyone, as he zooms past Eloise's oh-so-impressive and heaving bosom to a soaking wet Sayid, emerging from the pool. Jack had bid Sayid goodbye before he took his big dive, in case Sayid changed his mind about coming with them, and admits he's surprised to see him now. Sayid figures if Jack's plan works, that's great, and if it kills them all, at least they'll be out of their misery. Hee. I like still-coming-down Sayid. Okay, I like all the Sayids, but can we get started like Ellie wants us to? Thanks.
2007; Camp Richard By-The Sea: Locke, Richard and Ben return to Sun and the waiting Others. Locke's eager to lead everyone on an expedition to Jacob and he's inviting everyone. Richard points out that there's another group at the temple, but Locke will be cool if he can just talk to everyone there and now. He presents himself as the new Lord High King of Craphole and I think I'm going to transcribe the rest of his speech, because he cracks me up.
"Hello, everyone. My name is John Locke. I've been told that for some time, you all have been accepting orders from a man named Jacob. And yet, oddly enough, it seems that no one has actually seen him. Now, I'm sure there are very good reasons why his existence and whereabouts are secret. I just don't know what they are. And to be honest with all of you, if there's a man telling us what to do, I want to know who he is." Sun wonders if Jacob can tell them how to bring Jin and everyone back to 2007. Locke says, "Absolutely," and then invites the whole gang to tag along while he goes with Richard to see Jacob. The rabble -- she is roused! This does not escape Richard's notice. He turns to Ben. "I'm starting to think John Locke is going to be trouble." Ben agrees. "Why do you think I tried to kill him?" We won't get into how you succeeded, Ben, even though I think Richard has sussed all that out, too. Remember, as you told Sun, Richard has been here a very, very long time. Commercial.
Submarine: Juliet wonders what she and Sawyer will do once they get to Ann Arbor. Sawyer says they're not going there. Dharma has no authority over them in the real world. "Once we dock wherever we dock, we're free." Juliet laughs at the idea of being in the real world, once again. "I don't even know what that means, anymore." Sawyer tells her no matter what happens, he has her back. Juliet looks him in the eye. "I love you." Sawyer smiles. "I love you back." It's a beautiful moment cut way too short not only by the Dharma-Goon Sawyer has nicknamed "Nemo" and nasty-ass Phil, but by the last-minute passenger now boarding the sub. We see the work boots, and motor-pool navy blue pants, and then the fabulous head of curls. It is, of course, Kate. Like Sawyer and Juliet, she too is cuffed. And lucky Juliet gets to share a table with her. Cozy! She breathes heavily. "Hey." Sawyer replies grimly, "Hey." Juliet thinks to herself, "Shit." There's all kinds of naval talk about the ship being prepared to dive. Sawyer searches Juliet's face for a reaction to their unexpected company, and she can't even fake a smile. The submarine submerges and we cut to...
The Tunnels: As Richard and Ellie lead Jack and Sayid to the bomb, Sayid asks Jack if he's stopped to think that Ellie is probably only motivated by a desire to "annihilate the Dharma Initiative." Jack gets that, but he still trusts her, "because 30 years from now, she's the one who's going to tell us how to get back to the island." Tripping or straight, Sayid speaks for me when he says, "And that makes you trust her?" Jack doesn't have a lucid bone left in his body, so he just nods. They enter a huge space and Ellie and Richard light the torches on the walls, and Ellie pulls the cover off our old friend, Jughead. You can see where it's leaking, and it's probably not the best place for a pregnant woman to be standing, huh? Oh well, in for a penny... When Jack approaches the bomb with near reverence, Richard looks to Eloise as if to say, "Are you OUT OF YOUR DAMNED MIND?" She ignores him, sighs and says, "Well. Now what?" And we jump to...
2007; Camp Richard By-The-Sea: It's daylight now, as Locke leads his band of buggered off to see the wizard. As they tromp along, Locke decides to needle Ben with some small talk that's just dripping in sarcasm, and Ben is more than happy to play along. Being a good little Locke-Follower like Smokey-Alex told him to is getting on his last evil nerve.
LOCKE: Beautiful day, isn't it?
BEN: Yes, so far. A beat. Richard had some...concerns.
LOCKE: Concerns about what?
BEN: This pilgrimage to Jacob makes him uncomfortable. He's... expressed... reservations about whether or not you know What The Hell You're Doing.
LOCKE: I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, Ben.
BEN: I know we've had our differences in the past, John, but I'm here to follow you now. So if you need Jacob to help you reunite your people, then I'll do whatever...
LOCKE: I'm not interested in being reunited with my people.
YOUR RECAPPER: But Locke, you told Sun...
BEN: What do you mean? You told Sun--
LOCKE: I know what I told her, but that's not why we're going to Jacob.
BEN: Then why are we going to Jacob?
LOCKE: So I can kill him.
Ben stops dead in his tracks, as Locke and the Others march past him. The music swirls up and out and into the black. DUN! Bad Robot.
Okay, I usually have five days to write this recap. Thanks to my life, my immediate family, my dentist, my doctor, my extended family and the Mother's Day holiday, I have scattered hours, instead, so my speculation is going to be short and sweet. I think Jacob doesn't exist. Or, rather, at least I think Locke has set out to prove Jacob doesn't exist and that's what he means about killing Jacob. Yeah, I know we saw Locke visit the cabin and heard Jacob's plea for help, but I always thought that Jacob looked a little like Locke, anyhow. Someone probably has screen caps somewhere to prove me wrong. I have only the dimmest memory of photo analysis comparing Jacob's profile to Locke's, but I can't find it right now. So until it's proven otherwise, that's my spec and I'm sticking to it. I think that Desmond was largely right in L.A. and that this is a giant game. Locke's now got his head in that game, and he's decided that Jacob is but the opiate of the Craphole masses. The so-called leaders wave Jacob around like a big, scary monster (remember "God loves you like he loved Jacob" popping up when Ben was trying to break Karl's mind), whenever they need to convince their followers to do something ridiculous, deadly, or otherwise crazy. Locke intends to reveal the man behind the curtain, and just like in the Wizard of Oz, it's not going to be as big and scary as we expect. This week, we're in for a two-hour finale, so adjust your recording devices and pray my fingers hold out. I'll be back Thursday morning, with the recaplet. I only hope I'm not eating crow for breakfast, the time we talk.
Cindy McLennan is an omnivore, but crow is not her thing. Please feel free to e-mail lobster, instead, at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or tweet it to her on Twitter.
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