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Were these 66 minutes the best episode so far in a stunning season, or is that just the wine and the HSQ talking? "The Life And Death of Jeremy Bentham" tells us what happened to Locke once he left the island, who he saw, what he said and did, and how he died, and how he so doesn't stay that way. Oh and? It may take you all night to get your jaw back into the upright position. So buckle up and prepare for take-off…
Craphole Island; Night: Saïd Taghmaoui's Caesar (Not!Sayid), who was sitting across from Hurley on Ajira flight 316 last week, is the first person we see. And no offense, Show, but who cares? Caesar's poking around a Dharma station -- it's too dark to tell which one. He finds a some maps, a chart that looks suspiciously like output from Mrs. Hawking's Foucault's Pendulum, and a shotgun which he quickly hides in his pack, then lies to Ilana (Zuleikha Robinson) that it's just a flashlight. Something tells me Caesar's going to be right at home, here. Ilana tells him they've found a man who wasn't on the plane. Sitting by a campfire on the beach, cloaked in a Dharma Initiative blanket, and looking enough like a Jedi that I laughed aloud, this mystery man reveals himself to be none other than John Locke. ALIVE!
The morning he's standing in the surf looking out to sea when Ilana brings him the best mango he's ever had. Locke wants to know about the two pontoon boats resting on the sand. Ilana says there were three, but the pilot and a woman (Sun?) took off on one, as soon as they landed. She asks Locke why he's dressed so nicely, and he supposes the suit was going to serve as his burial garb, and that he remembers dying!
Tunisia: Locke lands in the sand after his wild ride on the frozen donkey wheel. He promptly pukes and puts me off milk for the month. Thanks for the osteoporosis, Show. There's a surveillance camera trained on him, and he's still in pain from his EXTREMELY BROKEN leg, so he hollers for help, hoping that someone is monitoring the camera. I assume he's at one of the Hot Pockets Mrs. Hawking mentioned last week. That night, a group of men, speaking Arabic, arrive in a pick-up truck, nearly run him over, pick him up, plop him down with a thud into the truck's bed, and speed off into the night. They take him to a clinic, where a doctor has him bite down on a piece of wood while he resets the leg. Matthew Abaddon looks on from behind a curtain. Locke passes out from the pain. When he wakes, Charles Widmore reminds him of how they met when Widmore was just 17. He's amazed when Locke reveals that was only four days ago, for him. Widmore's going to help Locke with his mission of returning everyone to the island. He gives Locke some back-story, claiming he was exiled from the island by Ben years ago, and that he was supposed to be the leader. Once he hears Locke's tale, he gives him money, a special cell phone (on which Locke can reach him by dialing "23"), the name "Jeremy Bentham" and a passport, the "You are special" line, and best of all, he gives him Abaddon. There's a war coming, and if Locke isn't there, the "wrong side" will win.
Locke and Abaddon fly to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, where Sayid is working with a Habitat For Humanity-type relief organization. Sayid calls Locke out on having nobody and no life. He then tells him a little about Nadia, about Ben manipulating him into his "protection" racket, invites Locke to come work with him to do some real good and, of course, refuses to go back to Craphole. Locke says he'll be at the Westerfield Hotel in L.A., if Sayid changes his mind.
, Locke flies to New York City. He locates Walt, but does not ask him to return to the island -- he just checks up on him and chats with him long enough to learn that Walt hasn't heard from Michael in three years, but he's been having dreams about Locke, in which Locke is surrounded by people who want him dead. Little do they know – Ben is watching from across the street. While in NYC, Locke also asks Abaddon to locate Helen Norwood (Peg Bundy) for him.
, Locke goes to see Hurley in Santa Rosa and has to convince him that he's not another apparition or hallucination (a la Charlie), but as soon as Locke starts to talk about returning to the island, Hurley spies Abaddon, freaks and won't talk to Locke anymore. In L.A., Locke meets up with Kate, who also refuses to go back to the island and, taking a page from Sayid's book, disses Locke for not loving anyone. Locke tells her about Helen and that they broke up because Locke was angry and obsessed. Kate snarks: "Look how far you've come," and Locke leaves, defeated. He demands Abaddon find Helen, so Abaddon does -- or her headstone at least, in a Santa Monica cemetery. She died on April 8, 2006. Abaddon says a brain aneurysm took her. As they leave the cemetery, Abaddon is shot. A lot. And dead. A lot. Poor Locke hops over the seat (he's still in his walking cast) slide into the drivers' seat and takes off. He gets in an accident while fleeing from the gunman and wakes in Jack's hospital. Jack doesn't dance around the fact that he thinks Locke is delusional, and drills home the fact that Locke isn't special -- none of them are. Before Jack leaves, Locke does some quick thinking and reveals to Jack his father said hello. Jack is rocked by Locke's process-of-elimination-fueled revelation. Me, too. Dude. Locke figured something out -- correctly!
we see Locke ready to hang himself. Who bursts in and talks him out of suicide, out of trusting Widmore, and admits to killing Abaddon? BEN! Locke tells him about his failures. Ben informs him Jack's booked flights to and from Sydney, so Locke must have gotten to him somehow, and once they convince Jack, they'll have the rest. Locke then discloses what he promised Jin, that he has the wedding ring, and that Mrs. Hawking will help them get back to Craphole, and WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA! Ben strangles him, then stages a suicide-by-hanging, wipes the place clean, swipes Jin's wedding ring, and with tearful, psycho eyes that are nearly as crazy as Desmond's were last week, tells Locke's corpse that he'll miss him. Evil!
We cut back to Craphole Island. It's nighttime, and Locke finds Caesar in the Station. Caesar tells Locke about the noise and light on the Ajira 316 flight, and that some of passengers -- like the curly-haired big guy sitting across from him -- disappeared before the crash, so Locke has some idea of what's gone on. He then asks for the passenger manifest, but Caesar says the pilot took it before he took off in the boat. Caesar takes Locke to see the injured people to see if his friends are among them. But they're not. Not even the guy in the last bed. That's just BEN!
I swear those 66 minutes only lasted six. Want more. Now.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Fans of faith have their engines revving and ready to go, so here's a heads up for you fans of science: if last week was John 3:16, then this week is John 15:13 (NIV): "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." And perhaps too, there's a dash of John 12:25 (NKJV), too: "He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." So shine your shoes, don't rumple your jacket, and get that gum out of your mouth, because we're going to Sunday School, my dears. If you're good, we can get doughnuts after.Previously on Lost: Richard tells Locke that the only way to save the island is to get his people back there. Locke freaks because he thinks the chopper exploded when the freighter did. Richard assures him the Escape-aways are fine and already home. It's up to Locke to convince them to return -- and to do that, he's going to have to die. Because the Orchid hasn't been built by the time he arrives at it (yeah, I meant to type that), Locke climbs down Charlotte's well (not a euphemism) in search of a way off the island. There's a flash while he's making his descent; he loses his grip on the rope, plummets to the bottom of the (dry) well, and screams in pain, because his frakking shin bone is sticking out of his leg. He's greeted by Christian Shephard (whose last name I have been misspelling for weeks and oh my word I'm so sorry, gentle readers), who's carrying a lantern and tells him that he's got to get all his friends together, and it must be all of them, "everyone who left," then Eloise Hawking will tell him exactly how to get back to the island. Locke says, "Richard said I was going to die." Christian says, "That's why they call it sacrifice." Cut to Ben and a be-bearded, drugged-out Jack, gazing into the coffin of a man we only knew as "Jeremy Bentham." The camera pans up over the lid to reveal Locke! (And yeah, I know that's old news now, but it still gets the bang at the end because I say so.) Now it's time for the currently-on-Lost stuff.
Island; Evening; Who Knows When: Saïd (not!Sayid) Taghmaoui's Caesar, who was sitting across from Hurley on Ajira flight 316 last week, creeps into a darkened Dharma Station, which people are saying is the Hydra, but it's too dark for me to tell. He switches on a desk lamp and looks at the desk's underside for a moment like he knows something is there, then starts nosing around. With the aid of a flashlight that's lying around, he spots an issue of Life magazine, from April 19, 1954 (20 cents). On its cover, there's a picture of an awesome fireball with a caption that reads... erm... "The Awesome fireball." The magazine's headline promises: "Color Pictures of Hydrogen Test." And also something about "David Beck, Former boss of goons emerges as Labor's new strong man," which I only mention because on this crazy-ass show, for all we know, the H-Bomb cover and its connection to episode 5-3 could be a flagrant misdirect, and the show has always been all about the search for Beck's successor, Jimmy Hoffa, who's been lost an awfully long time.
Caesar starts flipping through Life (which may happen to him for real if anyone messes with that donkey wheel again), but it loses his interest before he gives it a chance. Spying locked file cabinets across the room, he marches toward them with a sense of purpose and angrily breaks the lock, pulls open a drawer and removes a blue folder. Included in its contents are a map (of Craphole?) and a page of etchings that could double for the output from Mrs. Hawking's Foucault's Pendulum. He seems displeased with these findings and starts to grimace (because Daniel's influence carries far and wide, yo) when he spots something secured underneath a table or desk. If I've learned anything from the quickie firearms education I got from readers Gary and Nick, it's a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. He breaks it open and checks it; it looks to me like it contains two shots (but Gary and Nick didn't get that far in my training so don't blame them if I'm wrong) and then snaps it closed and shoves it into his pack. Just then Sayid's Marshall enters; her name is Ilana. When she asks, Caesar answers that he hasn't found anything useful. She calls him on that, asking what he just put in his bag, and he lies by pulling out a flashlight, temporarily blinding her with it, then tossing it to her. She tells him that Roxanne (oh great, more red shirts, may they soon too be deadwood) was scouting and came across a man just standing in the water. He was wearing a suit. Hmm. Who could it be? We cut to the outside, Ilana and Caesar are making like they're characters in a Sorkin project with the old talk-n-walk. Nobody recognizes him, and he wasn't one of the ones who "disappeared." Per Ilana, he wasn't on the plane.
They approach their make-shift camp, where people are gathered around a roaring fire. I suspect they did not use the Bernard method of kindling it. (And where are Bernard and Rose? I'm still worried about them.) A figure, cloaked in a Dharma Initiative blanket, sits alone in the sand, right in front of the fire. I think it's Ben Kenobi, but my eight year old, who I think is coming down with something, suggests Darth Sidious when I ask about Star Wars characters who wear robes that could resemble a blanket. Darn it, he's right. He then makes sure I understand the difference between Star Wars: A New Hope ("Which you would just know as Star Wars, Mommy") and the whole franchise, and double-checks that I understand Star Wars: A New Hope is really episode 4 ("Even though you probably think of it as the first one, Mommy. And you're not entirely wrong. It was the first film released and is the first episode of the original trilogy, but now we have the prequels." Yeah. No, he really talks like that. He's also going to build portals to other dimensions when he grows up, so if you laugh at me, I'll put your name on the first-to-be-pushed-through list. Enjoy your stay in Quor'Toth. Thank you for flying Ajira Air.) Anyhow, blanket dude is suit dude is Locke, but you all knew that, right? Okay, for the three of you who didn't -- SURPRISE! He's alive.
Island; Daytime; Who Knows When: Locke stands at the ocean's edge taking in the beautiful view. And oh my word it is beautiful. Three cheers for the DP, and for Hawaii. Ilana approaches, wishes him a good morning, and hands him a mango for breakfast. Locke gestures towards the pontoons and asks Ilana if they're her (people's) boats. She says they were there when they landed and there were three, but the pilot (Frank!) took off in one with a woman (Sun?) in the middle of the night. Locke asks for a passenger list, and Ilana suggests he asks Caesar. Locke finally digs into the fruit and says it may be the best mango he's ever eaten. And our boy Johnny really slurps it down, so it's clear and obvious that he's eating it. It seems to me we're meant to take this as confirmation of a bodily resurrection -- that Locke's not a spirit or apparition of any kind. Ilana says that nobody remembers him being on the plane. Locke doesn't either. She wants to know why he's dressed up so nice and okay, I've got to complain, here. This is the second time in minutes that the writers have been really drilling home to us that Locke's wearing his suit. We get it. He got resurrected once the plane crashed on the island, or during the flash, or whatever. I just mention this because it's not like nobody ever wears a suit on a flight ever. He's not in a tuxedo for pity's sake. Sheeesh. Locke's kinder than I and tells Ilana, "I think this suit is what they were going to bury me in... You ask what I remembered. I remember dying." Ilana shakes her head and walks away from the crazy man but Locke doesn't care. He's been resurrected; besides, he has some flashing-back to do.
Island; Locke's Head; Donkey Wheel Cavern: Christian wishes John good luck and Locke slips the donkey wheel back on track and starts to turn it. The chamber begins to glow. The buzzing grows louder and the flash grows brighter. Christian asks Locke to say hello to his son, and Locke asks who his son is, but then flashes (or whatever) before he can hear an answer.
Tunisia; Day; Locke's Great Escape: Locke is lying in the sand after his wild ride on the frozen donkey wheel. He jerks awake, then tries to sit up, but the searing agony of his broken leg changes his mind immediately. He then pukes from the pain and puts me off milk for the month. Thanks for the osteoporosis, Show. If I never again see vomit (or even hear retching) on my TV or in film, ever again, it will be too soon. He wipes his mouth, thank goodness, as the vomitus near his head sinks into the desert sand. He tries to look at his leg. Don't do it, Locke. Don't do it. Too late. He lays his head back and then notices that there's a surveillance camera trained on him, and the wire from it hangs across a stretch of utility poles. He must be at one of the Hot Pockets Mrs. Hawking mentioned last week. Locke yells, "If anyone is there, can you help me?" He then tries to roll over and I think that's a really bad idea when your shin bone is sticking out of your frigging leg. I seriously want to hurl right now. For some reason, I don't mind violent gore, but this bodily ick gore just squicks me to high heaven. Locke's shinbone says "Think again, idiot," and he lets himself roll down 'til his back is on the ground. Thank goodness.
Tunisia; Night: Locke lies shivering -- trembling 'neath the stars. A pick-up truck approaches from the distance and he tries to wave it down. It speeds right up to him and nearly runs over his poor body. On the license plate there's a 342, then some Arabic script, then a 6346. Armed men, wearing keffiyehs hop out of the truck's cab and bed, scoop up Locke not at all gently, plop him down with a thud into the truck's bed, and then speed off into the night. I hope they're actually keffiyehs, because you would not believe how long it took me to Google that term.
Tunisia; Day: Locke is carried into a clinic, yelling in pain. He calms down and asks where he is. A doctor rushes to his side, but speaks in Arabic, so I don't know what he's saying. My guess is that Locke doesn't either. (The wee Locke in my desk says, "I grew up in Tustin, California in foster care. Do you think I had a chance to learn Arabic, Cindy?") Locke continues to ask questions, including if anyone speaks English, but they don't answer him. The doctor gets some pills from a medicine chest, sticks them in Locke's mouth and says, "You swallow." Hey! Oh. Locke, woozy from the pain, looks around. He spies his old orderly Matthew Abaddon just watching. His presence understandably inspires Locke to again ask, "Where are we?" The doctor ignores his questions and has him bite down on a piece of wood while he resets the compound fracture on his leg. Locke screams as well as one can when one has a stick stuck in one's mouth and tied to the back of one's head, then his vision starts to blur, he loses depth perception and finally passes out from the pain. Me too.
When I come to (dear me, I just found on proofing that I missed that "to"), the wee Locke who lives in my desk drawer is lying on my mouse pad, about to puke, but I tell him to swallow it down like a man. We jump to the evening and when TV Locke wakes, it is because Charles Widmore is sitting by his bedside in this clinic/hospital/torture chamber, waking him. Let the poor bugger sleep as long as he can. Shudder. Locke looks down at his leg to see it in a nice, white cast. Widmore explains that the doctors "here" did their best with his compound fracture, but Widmore flew in a specialist to reset the leg. He pours Locke some water and says it's nice to see him again. Locke says, "Do I know you?"
Widmore chuckles and says he understands Locke's confusion. "I met you when I was 17 and now all these years later, here we are. You look exactly the same." He finally says "My name is Charles Widmore, prepare to die" once Locke asks. He's gobsmacked to learn it's only been four days in Locke's time since he walked into their camp and spoke to Richard. Locke figures out that the camera in the desert is Widmore's and so Charles explains, "That's the exit. I was afraid Benjamin might fool you into leaving the island, like he did with me. I was their leader." When Locke asks if Widmore means the Others, Widmore corrects him. "They're not the others to me. They're my people." Hmm. Locke said something similar this season too, when explaining to Sawyer why he didn't shoot young Widmore, after he snapped his comrade's neck to keep him from talking. Widmore says, "We protected the island peacefully for more than three decades. But then I was exiled by him... just as you were." Locke explains he wasn't exiled. Ben was already gone when he left Craphole. He stresses that he chose to leave. Widmore tries to pump him for information. "Why would you do that, John? You've come to bring them back -- the ones who left?" Locke's a lousy liar, but he gives it a go, shaking his head and finally saying no. Widmore says he understands why Locke is lying to him, but wants him to know: " All your friends who left the island? They've been back three years... And they've gone back to their normal lives, and none of them has spoken a word of truth about where they were." He hands Locke a copy of the London Daily Tribune which is sporting a big headline: "OCEANIC SIX SURVIVORS RECEIVE HEROES WELCOME." And you know, the big lie never makes much sense to me except for when Jack's explaining it and he's not explaining it right now, but am I wrong to think (judging by Locke's expression, I mean) that Locke sees this as some sort of betrayal? It seems that way. He's going to do everything in his power to help Locke on his quest to bring them back because there's a war coming, and if Locke isn't there, the "wrong side" will win. Who's more evil -- Ben or Widmore? Right now, I'm inclined to go with Desmond's theory that this is all a game and they're treating the Losties like pieces. It's driving me batty that I can't pick a side, here.
Tunisia; Day; Hospital Grounds (I guess): Locke examines a Canadian passport with his picture on it, and the name Jeremy Bentham, D.O.B. 15 Feb 48. Place of birth: New York, NY. Date of Issue: 12 Dec 07, and an expiry date ten years from then. He remarks on the name, so Widmore explains, "He was a British philosopher. Your parents had a sense of humor when they named you, so why can't I?" Is he giving Locke's mother and father too much credit? He hands Locke a wad of cash and an international phone, telling him, "If you need to reach me for anything, just press 2-3." He also gives him a folder containing the whereabouts of all the people who were on the island with Locke. He's been watching them because he's deeply invested in the island's future. He cautions Locke not to mention his (Widmore's) involvement, because he can only imagine how Ben has probably filled all their heads with lies about him. The wee Desmond sitting on my lap says, "Not to mention all the truths I've told them about the nasty blatherskite." I tell him, "Good point, Des," then pat him and put him atop my monitor, so I can look at his unique special snowflake beauty. Meanwhile, back on the TV, Locke wants to know how he should know that Widmore's not lying. Widmore says, "I haven't tried to kill you. Would you say the same for him?" A: Excellent point. B: How does he know about that? Locke too makes a salient point: "You sent a team of killers and a boatload of C4 to the island. That... doesn't exactly scream 'trust'." Widmore says that he had to remove Linus so that it could be Locke's time (to lead). "The island needs you, John. It has -- for a long time." Locke wants to know why he should be so special. Widmore simply says, "Because you are." Then a dark S.U.V. pulls onto the hospital grounds and Widmore says, "Your chariot has arrived."
Locke's not done. While examining the folder, he says, "He said I would die." Widmore's all come again, so Locke adds, "Richard Alpert. He said the only way to get them to come back was if I died." Widmore claims he doesn't know why Richard would say such a thing but says he won't let that happen. The S.U.V. driver gets out of the car and walks toward them as Locke fiddles with his paperwork. Widmore introduces him as Matthew Abaddon, and says he'll take Locke wherever he needs to go and protect him from anyone who intends to do him harm. When Locke looks up and realizes it's his old orderly, a brick falls out of his pants. I'm just saying... Abaddon clearly recognizes Locke and so Locke looks from him to Widmore, then back again, and then silently shakes his hand. Widmore helps Locke to his feet. He's still in a lot of pain. Abaddon brings over a wheel chair and the wee Locke in my desk yells, "No! Don't put me back in the chair! Don't do it. Don't get in it, TV me! We'll never get out." I hand him his wee pill, reset his wee leg, and he passes out from the wee pain, but he makes me wonder again if the flashes had some sort of sentience. TV Locke is injured because he fell down the well during a flash. Being in a chair once more has got to be powerful motivation for him to fulfill his mission and get back to the island, where he first regained the use of his legs, and where he's healed ridiculously quickly from things like seemingly fatal gunshot wounds. When TV Locke looks at the chair with trepidation, my curiosity about the flashes increases. I take out my trusty Magic 8-Ball and ask it if I'll ever get an answer to this question. The little noodge laughs at me! Harumph.
We cut to Abaddon driving Locke, who is now playing the part of Miss Daisy through the Tunisian countryside. Abaddon offers his help in locating anyone Locke would like to find, but Locke orders him not to talk to him. And other than telling Abaddon that they're heading first to Santo Domingo first, their conversation ends.
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic; Whenever: Sayid is there, speaking Spanish and working with a Habitat for Humanity-type organization. He's wearing a bright yellow T-shirt with the logo, "Build Our World," on the back. A fellow crew member informs Sayid that he has a visitor and he turns to see John Locke, sitting there in a wheelchair, waving at him. Thank goodness he didn't fall off the roof. It takes Sayid almost no time to tell Locke he's not going back to Craphole. "For two years, I was manipulated into thinking I was protecting everyone on the island." Locke asks who was manipulating him. Sayid says, "Ben." Duh. Sayid then asks Locke who is manipulating him, and Locke says, "Ben and Widmore, and some ghostie named Jacob and some guy, I think he might be Jack's father, plus? My driver! It's just a little manipulation, Sayid. Don't let it bother you. I never do." Or perhaps he claims he's operating of his own volition, which is what the manipulated always think, because it's what the manipulators always want them to think. Locke tells Sayid he must know in his heart that they never should have left the island, but Sayid explains that if he hadn't left, he never would have been able to marry Nadia. "We spent nine months together -- the best nine months of my life, John. That's what I know in my heart." When Locke asks her current whereabouts, Sayid tells him she was murdered, and I can't find the Sayid who lives in my file cabinet, which is probably a good thing, because if I did, I'd probably just smish him. Poor lamb. Locke tears up and apologizes, so Sayid asks him why he really needs to go back. "Is it just because you have nowhere else to go?" Oh, Sayid, that was a little mean. No smishing for you. Okay, a little smishing.
Locke fidgets. He scratches his arm, then... well, did you ever see Nomar Garciaparra's pre-batting ritual? It's like that, with less standing. A look of regret sweeps across Locke's face and he says, "If you change your mind, I'll be staying under the name 'Jeremy Bentham' in L.A., at the Westerfield Hotel." Sayid invites Locke to come work with him to do some real good. Neither man seems willing to change his plans, so they bid one another farewell.
New York, NY; Daytime; Whenever: Locke and Abaddon stake out a school. Locke says, "You asked if there was someone you could look up for me." Abaddon says yes. "Her name is Helen, Helen Norwood, and she was living in Los Angeles." Locke doesn't answer when Abaddon asks if Helen is an old girlfriend of his, but the awkward silence is broken by the school bell. Abaddon helps Locke out of the car and we see Walt, who is now 9.76 feet tall. Oh, my. Abaddon knows he's Michael's son, and when Walt sees Locke and comes over to him, Abaddon leaves them their privacy. Walt has been having dreams about Locke, in which he's dressed in a suit surrounded by people who want to hurt him. Walt asks if Michael's back on the island -- he hasn't talked to him in three years and figures he must have gone back. Locke measures his words long enough to let any kid catch on that they're about to hear some dissembling, then says that the last he heard, his father was on a freighter, near the island. Walt asks Locke why he came to see him. Locke considers the young man with real fondness then says he just wanted to make sure he's okay. He is, and they part. Abaddon questions Locke on not inviting Walt back to Craphole, but Locke's adamant that Walt has been through enough. Besides, I figure that Locke remembers he's seen Walt on the island when he needed him most, and that Walt's so special, he can probably poof there if need be. Anyhow, Abaddon says, "That's 0-for-2, Mr. Locke. Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you had to bring everyone back." Locke says he only has to convince one and the rest will follow like the little lemmings they are. Okay, I added that last bit, but you know it's true. Then Locke must decide that Abaddon's crossed a line with him, because he adds, "And maybe I was mistaken, but I thought you we my driver." Yeeesh. As Locke gets into the backseat of the car, Ben watches them from across the crowded street, with as cold a look on his face as I've ever seen. Commercial.
Santa Rosa, California; Hurley's Hospital; Daytime; Whenever: Locke wheels his way over to Hurley who's sitting outside painting, which is a nice touch, because I think Jorge Garcia is pretty artistic. And of course at first, Hurley assumes Locke is dead. When Locke claims he's alive, Hurley yells over to one of the attendants, "Hey, excuse me, am I talking to a dude in a wheelchair right now?" When she confirms that he is, Hurley jumps back as if he's seeing a ghost, but I love this, because he jumps back because he's not seeing a ghost and have I mentioned I'm trying to write this with all my kids home and the youngest is sick? Yeah, well, I mention it again, because when I write something screwy like that on purpose, and read it back, it doesn't sound as screwy as I thought, when I can hear my kids in the background, trying to sing like Normund Gentle. I'm just saying. Anyhow, Locke tells Hurley he wants him and everyone to come back, but Hurley protests that Jack's a doctor now (and was before, but I like Hurley and he seems so vulnerable in that damned bathrobe that I can't really pick on him right now), Sun has her baby, and Kate has Aaron, so that's probably not going to happen. Something then catches Hurley's eye. He doesn't turn his head, but instead sits back down and tells Locke, "Dude, be cool. Don't look, but we're being watched." Locke, realizing Hurley's spotted Abaddon tries to play it off like he's "just" his driver, and that he's okay. Hugo says the dude is far from okay, "When I first got locked up in here, he showed
up, claiming that he worked for Oceanic Air. He's evil! You should not be trusting that guy." Locke, Hurley's general instincts may be no better than yours, but his moral compass is a precision-tuned instrument in comparison to your own, so lay off your quest for a mo' and hear the man out. Locke can't though. Locke tries to make his sale. Hurley stands up in a panic. "No, no, no! I'm not listening to you!" He puts his fingers in his ears. "La, la, la, la, la. I wanna go back in. I wanna go back in... No, I'm not going anywhere with you! Go away! Bye! Get out of here!" Two attendants lead him back inside.
In the car, Abaddon reminds Locke he's had three failures now (and that's just at this latest quest). He tells him to step up his game or, "We're all in trouble." Locke asks Matthew what he does for Widmore. Abaddon smiles. "You're ready to talk about it now, huh? John, you're not really gonna pretend you don't remember that I was an orderly in the hospital right after your accident? That I was the one who told you to go on your walkabout? The same walkabout that put you on the plane that crashed on that island?" Locke admits to remembering. "I help people get to where they need to get to, John. That's what I do for Mr. Widmore."
Los Angeles, CA; Daytime; Kate's Place; Whenever: Kate refuses to return to the island with Locke. He thinks she doesn't get that everyone's in danger, but Kate doesn't give him a direct answer. Instead, she asks if he's ever been in love and reminds him how desperate (and she says it in italics and everything) he was to stay on the island. She says she finally realized it was because he didn't love anyone. Locke tells her a little about Helen, whom he loved. When she asks why it didn't work out, Locke chalks it up to anger and obsession. Kate replies, "And look how far you've come." Meeee-ow. Is this National Shit on Locke Month? I mean, I get why nobody wants to go back to Craphole -- it's Craphole for cry-yi-yi, and I even get why that might make them somewhat hostile to Locke, but what's with this gang of misfits with checkered, angry, violent, mournful pasts and not particularly perfect presents getting all high horse and tactless in the process? Let your 'Yes' mean 'Yes,' and your 'No' mean 'No.' Anything more is from the evil one. Yeah, I realize I just totally ignored the context of that verse. Sick kids. Busy weekend. Possibly sick me. You parents out there feel me, right? When your child is sick, that takes up more of your mind than you realize until you try to use that mind, and since I couldn't get that verse out of my head until I typed it out -- well, tag, you're it.
Outside Kate's, Locke asks Abaddon if he found Helen Norwood. Abaddon replies that 3 years is a long time and people move and blah blah blah pants on fire. Locke calls him on his B.S., noting they found everyone else, even Sayid who was in the middle of nowhere. "Your job is to get people to where they need to get to? Well I need to get to her." You go, John Locke. Get down with your bad self.
Santa Monica, CA; Daytime; Cemetery; Helen Norwood's Headstone; Whenever: If the headstone isn't a fake, Helen died on April 8, 2006. On this show, nothing is written in stone, even that which is. Abaddon says a brain aneurysm took her. Locke explains that Helen loved him and they could have been together, but he cuts himself off after, "If I'd just..." Abaddon says, "Maybe you could have. That wouldn't change anything. She'd still be gone." Locke wonders if she would. Abaddon squats down to Locke's chair. "Helen is where she's supposed to be. As sad as it is, her path led here. And your path, no matter what you did or what you do, your path leads back to the island."
Locke comments that Abaddon says that like it's all inevitable, and let me scratch the needle 'cross this here record for a tick. Why Locke, who has been pretty good about riding Abaddon hard (stop it) throughout their travels, doesn't let loose on him at that, I cannot figure. I mean, wouldn't you be all, "Well then riddle me this, Matty. If people's paths lead them to where they're supposed to be, why am I busting my wheelchair-bound hump to get a bunch of people back to Craphole?" I'd also be running over his feet. For reals. But no, Locke just simpers about blah blah blah inevitability-cakes. Come on, Show. Abaddon reveals that Widmore informed him Richard told Locke he was going to have to die, and asks him if that's inevitable or a choice. Locke's all, "Do you think I want to die?" I'm thinking no Locke, or you would have let go out in the sands of Tunisia, or when they reset your leg the first time at that hospital. That almost killed me. Locke asks how Abaddon could possibly think death was a choice. Matthew smirks, rises back to his full height and says, "Hey, I'm just a driver." Locke stares at Helen's headstone for a moment, then we cut to him waiting in the car as Abaddon loads the wheelchair in the car trunk. When he slams the lid shut, a shot rings out, pierces his flesh, and spatters it and his blood all over the rear windshield, right behind Locke. Did that scene earworm anyone else with Bon Jovi? Just me, then. Abaddon staggers. The rear windshield then shatters inward thanks to another shot. Matthew struggles to stand. Locke yells his name, then, realizing the extent of the danger, he hoists himself over the seat (he's still in his walking cast) and slides into the drivers' seat. Abaddon is facing his assassin by now, and takes another shot to the gut. Locke takes off, and Abaddon
falls to the ground, dead, dead, really dead, not just a little dead, and it's still less gross than the puke, and the shinbone. Locke, meanwhile, drives about as well as Hurley does under stress, but he's not fortunate enough to get a visit from the ghost of Ana-Lucia telling him to get his shit together, so he gets in an accident while fleeing from the gunman.
Los Angeles, CA; Daytime; Jack's Hospital; Whenever: Locke wakes to find a bearded Jack (but not that gross fake beard of his druggie days -- think of this more as the beard of the autumn of Jack's discontent) sitting in his room, and grumpily asking what he's doing there. Locke wonders how Jack found him, so Jack explains that Locke was in a car accident and was brought to his hospital. I usually like Jack, but I want to punch him right now. Who's with me? Locke gives him the we-have-to-go-back speech, and Jack's all: yeah, uh huh, right. Not gonna happen. When John says they're supposed to go back, Jack interrupts him with the rest of the spiel. "...Because it's our destiny. How many times are you gonna say that to me, John?" Hey wait a minute, how many times has he said it to him, prior to now? Locke tries the fate angle to explain ending up at Jack's hospital. Jack counters with the probability angle. Man of science, man of faith, why can't we all get along? Locke starts to tell Jack that someone tried to kill him because they don't want him to succeed, or to go back, because he's just that important. Jack puts his head in his hands, then looks back up at John. "Have you ever stopped to think that these delusions that you're special aren't real? That maybe there's nothing important about you at all? Maybe you are just a lonely old man that crashed on an island. That's it." He shakes his head as his rises from Locke's bedside. "Goodbye, John."
Before Jack's out into the hallway, Locke calls after him, "Your father says hello." This stops Jack, so Locke continues: "The man, the man who told me to move the island -- the man who told me how to bring you all back, he said to tell his son hello. It couldn't have been Sayid's father, and it wasn't Hurley's. That leaves you. He said his name was Christian." Jack tells Locke his father is dead. Locke says, "Well, he didn't look dead to me." Jack, who is shaky enough here that he's got to already be using, rails about how he went to Australia to retrieve his body and you know the rest of that song. Locke confesses to Jack that he needs him to come, that Jack's supposed to help him, and see my screed after Abaddon's "path" speech at Helen's grave, John. When your argument amounts to, "You have to do it; it's your fate," you got nothing. If it is fate, you don't have to argue about it, either. Jack says none of them are special and he just wants Locke to leave him and the rest of the Escape-aways alone. He storms out, leaving Locke to stew.
Still L.A.; Nighttime; Westerfield Hotel; Whenever: Locke sits and pens a note: "Jack, I wish you had believed me. JL" He slips it in an envelope marked Jack Shephard which is when I first realized I'd been spelling that surname incorrectly and it's still bothering me, y'all. Why is that? Locke then casts aside his crutches, gets out some electrical cord, pulls out a ceiling tile, rigs the cord over a beam in the ceiling, and makes a noose. Hah. I typed nose at first. I was tempted to leave it in, but that's only because I think I'm getting sick, too. And? I aggravated the pinched nerve in my neck when I sneezed. Yes, I'm extra pathetic, this week. You should send me all your cold, hard cash to sooth my fevered brow. Speaking of brows, Locke's is furrowed as he slips the noose (not nose) over his head. He's just about to kill himself, when who bursts in, but BEN! And interestingly, he says he found Locke because he has a man watching Sayid. "I'm watching all of them; keeping them safe." Since that's Widmore's song, Desmond's game-piece theory looks more likely every minute. Poor Locke seems too distraught to catch this though. But he wigs out when Ben says he's protecting him, then realizes Ben killed Abaddon. To give him his due, Ben admits this. Locke's been figuring things out at a crazy-for-him pace, this week, don't you think? Ben undermines Widmore and when Locke protests that Widmore saved him, Ben corrects that he "used" him. Hi Des! He explains that CW is the reason he moved the island in the first place, so John could lead. Yeah, right. Still, after giving Locke a chance to vent about his failures with the Escape-aways, Ben informs him Jack's booked flights to and from Sydney, so Locke must have gotten to him somehow, and once they convince Jack, they'll have the rest. Locke takes the noose off his neck, steps down from the table, and starts to gain his composure. He discloses that he promised Jin that he wouldn't bring Sun back, and that he will use the wedding ring as faux proof that Jin died. As soon as he mentions that Mrs. Hawking will help them get back to Craphole, Ben's expression changes. Standing behind Locke, he grabs the electrical cord and strangles Locke, because he's just that evil. He then stages a suicide-by-hanging, wipes the place clean, swipes Jin's wedding ring, and with tearful, psycho eyes that are nearly as crazy as Desmond's were last week, tells Locke's corpse that he'll miss him. Evil!
The Island; Nighttime; Whenever: Caesar sits in the Hydra reading through the folder he found at the top of the episode. Locke walks in and explains the Dharma Institute symbol on the front of the folder, and that he's already spent more than 100 days on the island, but that no, he wasn't there when Ajira Air 316 crashed, and how he got back to the island is a bit of a mystery to him. You can almost hear Caesar thinking, "Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Cuckoo." But instead, he shares his own mystery with Locke. "On the plane, I was sitting across the aisle from that really big guy with curly hair." Curious that he uses the word that there since he knows/insists John wasn't on the flight, don't you think? Anyhow... "When the plane started shaking, really shaking, there was a big noise and a bright light. And this really big guy with curly hair... was gone, man. I mean, literally gone. And it wasn't only him. Some of us saw it happen to other people, too. So, Mr. John Locke, do you have an idea about what happened?" You bet your sweet bippee, Caesar. Locke says he thinks he might have an idea on how he got back to the island, but he needs to find his friends to figure it all out. He asks for a passenger manifest, but despite what Ilana claimed in the opening, Caesar says he doesn't have one, and claims Frank took off with it, which could be true. Caesar informs Locke that everyone else is accounted for though, other than the people who disappeared, and the people who are hurt. Uh... if you don't have a list, how is everyone else accounted for? Nobody's listening to me. Locke's too focused on the people who got hurt, so Caesar leads him to them. Locke walks along the row of injured people, but none of his friends are among them -- particularly not the last guy in the row. That's no friend. It's BEN! Locke pauses so long at his cot that eventually, Caesar asks if he knows him. Locke says, "Yeah. He's the man who killed me." DUN! Bad Robot.
Cindy McLennan is going to take two aspirins and call you in the morning. In the meantime, you can e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com. I owe you doughnuts, but let's wait on that until I'm unlikely to get the dreaded lurgi all over them.
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