In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
In an episode that's almost entirely flashback, we find out (sorta) what happened to Desmond after he turned his key. After Desmond saves Claire from drowning, Hurley's more convinced than ever that Des can see the future (or in this case, the present), and he and Charlie take it upon themselves to find out what's up.
Figuring that the way to a Scotsman's heart is through his liver, they get him drunk. Which has the, um, unexpected result of making him belligerent and combative. But we learn that when he was knocked out by the hatch explosion or implosion or whatever, he flashes back over a good chunk of his life, from Penny moving into his apartment to Desmond breaking up with her. But he seems to be reliving it, with flashes from his island life. I guess this could be chalked up to all this happening while he was unconscious (and more of a dream than anything else), except after he woke up naked in the jungle, the future flashes keep happening. Which is how he knew in advance about Locke's speech, about the lightning that was going to strike Claire's hut, and how he knew Claire was in trouble in the water.
While back in his life in England, he gets all up in The Matrix with an elderly woman filling him in on how no matter how he tries to fight the future, the universe has a way of correcting course. So even though he knows he shouldn't go on the boat race, he's going to wind up going anyway, and even though he knows he should stay with Penny, he doesn't feel he can, which is the most convoluted "it's not you, it's me" ever.
So his odd behaviour on the island is now about him trying to change the future to prevent bad stuff from happening. Which is such a compelling idea that a show ABC tried to fill Lost's spot with, Black Groundhog Day, which had THAT EXACT PREMISE, tanked after only a few episodes (but you can watch it online. Awesome!)
And get this: Desmond's been trying to save Charlie. Because the universe wants to kill Charlie. Hee! My question: since Desmond knows the future can't be changed, why's he knocking himself out? The universe will have its way. Course-correcting, dude. Sorry, Charlie. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Desmond strolls along the beach and notices Hurley and Charlie, who are over in Sawyer's tent, going through his things. There's a stack of books, the top one of which is a Vladimir Nabokov, in those awesome Vintage International editions, but I couldn't quite see which one. Hurley's unsure about going through Sawyer's things, but Charlie reasons that Sawyer would want them to. Back on the drugs, I see. Charlie's theory is a little more sound, though, that people need food, and medical supplies and -- as he unearths magazines beneath the books -- "shocking amounts of pornography."
Charlie doesn't get much time to flip through "Playpen" magazine, because Desmond strolls over (Hurley, since he's in Sawyer's tent and everything, nicknamifies Desmond to "Desmondo") and solemnly tells them that he needs them to come with him. Desmond asks if he found Eko. "Both of you," is all Desmond says, and he turns to go.
They follow him out into the jungle, where Locke and Sayid are waiting, and they get right to it, explaining that Eko's dead; they buried him yesterday. "The island killed him," says Locke. Charlie asks what Locke means, and he has to ask it again, because no one answers the first time. "You know what it means," says Locke simply. Desmond seems a little preoccupied as Locke starts talking about how people are on edge with "the doctor" gone and don't need to have to worry about what's out here in the jungle. Well, so much for John "No Secrets" Locke as leader, huh? Locke says, with a straight face, that people are going to look to Hurley and Charlie to see how they react to Eko's death, so when he tells people what happened, he needs Hurley and Charlie to help keep things calm. Hee! Hee hee! I mean, I can see Hurley being more or less liked by everybody, but does Locke really think everyone follows a What Would Charlie Do philosophy?
Desmond's starting to look a lot more agitated, and Hurley notices, but he's been a little more attuned than anyone else to Desmond's recent strange behaviour. "Hey, guys, what's wrong with Desmond?" says Hurley, and with that, Desmond is sprinting through the jungle, back to the beach, where he strips down his pants and starts swimming out to sea, through the rather choppy surf.
The rest of them, even Hurley, are close behind, wondering what the hell he's doing, until we (and they) see that there's someone else out there. Then Charlie notices Sun strolling up, holding Aaron. "Where's Claire?" he asks, and Sun says she went for a walk, because Sun offered to watch the baby. She's not even finished with that sentence when Charlie is off and running to the water too. Nice that he didn't give a shit until he realized it was Claire out there. Not that anyone else seems to be doing anything either.
Sure enough, it's Claire who Desmond hauls onto the sand, with Charlie flipping out and getting in the way of Desmond trying to revive her. Probably jealous of the mouth to mouth Desmond is giving her, along with the CPR. Finally Claire spits up some water and starts coughing. Desmond picks her up (with Charlie whining because he wants to do it) and carries her back to her tent, and Charlie switches from offering to carry her to asking how Desmond knew she was drowning. Hurley knows. "That guy? Sees the future, dude," he says. Or, in this case, the present.
Desmond's sitting on the beach, staring at his picture of him and Penny at some marina. Claire wafts up. "She's beautiful," she says. Relax, Claire. You're still the prettiest girl on the island. Claire sits down as Desmond says thanks, and that her name is Penny -- Penelope. Then he asks how Claire's doing, and she stammers out something about the undertow, and how if Desmond hadn't been there...
Then we hear Aaron crying. Charlie strolls up, holding him. He bitches that he thought Claire was only going to be five minutes. Of course, his concern has nothing to do with Claire spending time with someone who is not Charlie; no, Charlie's thinking only of Aaron, who Charlie says is starving. So Claire wraps up her thank-you to Desmond, who says it was his pleasure, while Charlie gives him the stink-eye.
Abbot and Costello -- er, Charlie and Hurley hatch a plan, because Charlie is really not buying this "precognitive insanity" nonsense, because if Desmond really could see the future, he wouldn't have ended up here, right? They stomp back into Sawyer's tent as Hurley points out that whatever Charlie's plan is, Desmond will know it before Charlie himself does. Charlie's rummaging through Sawyer's stuff. "In that case, we'll have to get him really bloody drunk," he says, having located a bottle of -- dude! -- sixty-year-old whisky.
Desmond's half-heartedly gathering together wood for a fire on the beach in advance of the setting sun as Hurley and Charlie stroll up. Desmond doesn't seem to be too interested in talking to them. Or maybe it's just Charlie, who is at least pretending to feel bad about not being more grateful this morning. "Thank you for helping Claire not drown," he says. He's brought a peace offering, and sticks the bottle of whisky in the sand, and Desmond says he's been doing too much drinking lately. Charlie looks really disappointed, since his whole plan revolves around assuming the Scotsman will want to get drunk. "Too good for us, brother?" he tries, and Desmond shakes his head, but in a "no, that's not it" kind of way. Charlie gathers up the drink and makes to leave, but Desmond asks what kind of whisky it is. "MacCutcheon," says Charlie, holding it out, and Desmond starts laughing his ass off. Sounds good to him! Charlie offers him a glass, but Desmond wants the bottle instead: "If you've come to drink, let's drink!" he says, and Charlie gives him the bottle. Desmond pulls the cork out with his teeth, and takes a nice unhealthy swig.
It's dark now, and everyone's fully plastered and singing drinking songs, and there's nothing like the English and the Scottish for drinking songs (other than the Irish, I suppose. I think I'm going to go listen to the Pogues right now. Hey, maybe Jin's got some fantastic Korean drinking songs. Wait, where's Jin? Where's Sun? Where's Sayid? How about Rose and Bernard? Where'd everybody go?).
Now that they're well and truly hammered, Charlie says he wants to ask Desmond something. "Anything, pal," says Desmond. Charlie asks how he knew Claire was drowning. Desmond says that he heard her, and Hurley points out that they were a mile away (that far? So even if Hurley was Roger Bannister, which he's not, then it took them at least four minutes to get back to the beach, which really would have been enough time to lose Claire). Desmond says he's got really good hearing. So Charlie asks if he heard the lightning, reminding him of the lightning rod he fortuitously built just outside Claire's hut.
Desmond's had enough questions; he gets up, and staggers slightly as he leaves, thanking them for the drink. But Charlie's angry now and demands to know what's going on. "Oi! You think you turned some key, that makes you a hero?" Desmond says he's not a hero. Charlie says he doesn't know what Desmond's doing, but he knows a coward when he sees one. So Desmond freaks out and jumps Charlie, which is relatively awesome, partly because Hurley's too drunk to get up and immediately intervene; all he can offer is his most admonishing "Duuuude!" Desmond's screaming about Charlie not knowing what Desmond's gone through, and Charlie's yelling because what do you do with a drunken sailor er-lie in the morning?
We flashback to Locke and Desmond in Swan station, just after the timer hit zero and everything started going nuts. Desmond finds the failsafe key tucked into the book and hops down the trap door underneath the station, yelling, "I'll see you in another life, brother?" and underneath, making the sign of the cross and saying, "I love you, Penny," and turning the key. We get a rapid-fire sequence of images that I suppose I could watch in slow-motion so I could identify them, but I'm a lazy, lazy man.
The end result is a close-up of an eye. Desmond's eye. He's lying on his back, and his face is flecked with red, but it's much too bright to be blood, and as we pull back, we see Desmond lying on the floor of an apartment, an upturned can of red paint nearby. We can see part of the paint brand name on it: "Futu-" Nice. Anyway, we hear a woman saying, "oh my god" a few times, and it turns out be Penny, and she's bringing some ice for Desmond, who apparently fell while doing a rather haphazard job of painting this apartment. She asks if he's okay, and cradles his head. And then says, as Desmond asks what's happening, "What's happening is the result of combining ladders, painting the ceiling, and alcohol." Look, let's not jump to conclusions and blame alcohol for this. Desmond sits up. "This is my flat," he says, like he's just coming to the realization. She says if he wants her to feel at home, he might start calling it their flat. He's looking really confused and it's pretty clear -- without it being explicitly explained it, at least not yet -- that this isn't so much Flashback Desmond as Island Desmond reliving this moment. Penny asks what's wrong, and he says "absolutely nothing," like you would if you woke up from a rather confusing cryptic dream, and found you were safe in your own life. But over Penny's shoulder, as he hugs her, Desmond looks really scared. He's seen Back to the Future. He knows what can happen when you screw with the past.
When we come back from commercials, Desmond's standing in front of a mirror, trying heroically to tie a tie. He glances over at a digital clock nearby, which reads 1:08, which seems a little vexing to him, but he goes back to trying not to strangle himself with his tie, since it is some kind of movie/television law that men can never tie their own damn ties and need another character to help them with it, in this case Penny, who tries from behind and then goes around to the front. She smiles when she notices that he's got paint on his neck, and asks how his "concussion" is. "Well, my severe head injury is a small price to pay for the pleasure of having you move into my humble... is rat trap accurate?" Penelope makes some kind of laugh-grunt and kisses him, finishes up tying his tie, and steps around behind him again to admire him in the mirror.
"You know, you don't really need a job from my father, Des," she says, as he puts on a jacket. "It's not about the job. I want him to respect me," says Desmond. And I have to admit, it might have been around here that I started to check out of this episode. I think it was partly because I figured that any explanation for Desmond's precognition was going to be either a) ridiculously unbelievable or b) discouragingly unsatisfying, and now I started worrying how long we were going to spend on Desmond hoping for Widmore's respect, when we found out many, many episodes ago that he doesn't have it. Desmond and Penny are likable enough characters to spend an episode with (even one that's almost entirely flashback), but I'm genuinely more interested in finding out what's going on with the rest of the main Lostaways (or even in continuing with Jack, Kate and Sawyer). Despite complaints I make about various plotlines or characters or whatever, when it comes to picking a grade for the episode, my only criterion is how quickly the episode goes by. If it goes by quickly, and I can't wait to see what's happening , that's a good episode for me, even if Charlie's whining. But with this episode, I was, much like Desmond on the island, watching the clock the whole time.
Anyway, Penelope's optimistic (or at least pretending to be) that her dad will respect Desmond. "But if for some reason, he's too daft to see how brilliant you are, it's not the end of the world." Oh, never mind what I said about her optimism. She clearly knows her dad's an old bastard who's going to hate Desmond. Des, though, was too struck by her "the end of the world" comment to notice what a downer she's being. "What did you say?" he asks, but before she can answer, he hears a beeping that sounds exactly like the beeping of Swan station's countdown clock (may it rest in peace). Desmond wanders into the kitchen, where he sees that it's his microwave beeping. Penny takes a cup out of it and gives it to him, and notices that he's staring at the microwave like he's Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer and not familiar with all these shiny objects that are scary and confusing to him. She asks if he's all right, and he says he's just having a little déjà vu.
An office building lobby. Desmond strolls up to the reception desk and says he's here to see Mr. Widmore, and introduces himself as Desmond Hume. They're interrupted by a delivery jerk saying, "'Ello love. Got a parcel here for 815." Desmond's startled again, and asks the delivery guy what he said. "I said, 'delivery for 815,'" says the delivery guy, very VERY slowly, so this ain't exactly getting marked in the Log of Subtle, Hidden Clues. Desmond quickly flashes back to the hatch, with the numbers (including eight and fifteen) being entered into the computer, and the timer at 108. But he shakes it off as the receptionist tells him that Mr. Widmore is ready for him.
Desmond sits in Widmore's office while the old bastard himself looks over Desmond's résumé. Des occupies himself by examining a painting with a polar bear, mountains, a Buddha, and "etsaman" (read it backwards) on it all muddled together, very hatch-mural-esque.
"Penny didn't tell me you were an actor, Desmond," says Widmore, glancing up, and Desmond says he was actually a set designer for the Royal Shakespeare Company. "Impressive," says Widmore, although I assume he thinks it's anything but. Also not actually impressive to Widmore is the fact Desmond didn't graduate from university. "No, sir. I had to look after my three brothers after my father--" begins Desmond, but Widmore interrupts him to ask if he has any military experience. "No, sir," says Desmond, clearly understanding that this isn't going very well. Widmore goes back to glaring at Desmond's resumé, and Desmond looks around the office, settling on a model boat, which he says is beautiful. "My foundation is sponsoring a solo race around the world," says Widmore, and we see some more flashes: Desmond's boat in the stormy weather, the boat in the cove, and a dead, bloody Clancy Motherfucking Brown. "Something wrong?" asks Widmore, and Desmond says there isn't.
Somewhat to my surprise, Widmore offers Desmond a job in the administrative department. "Not the most glamorous duty, but it's a start. I'll speak to human resources." And what passes for a smile even crosses the old bastard's lips. But Desmond says, "With all due respect, sir, I haven't come here to interview for a position in your company." "You haven't?" says Widmore. The glare is back. Desmond says he's come to ask for Penny's hand in marriage. "We've been together two years now, and Pen's moving in and I love her. Your permission would mean everything to me." In hindsight, Desmond might have opened with asking for Widmore's blessing, instead of letting the old bastard look over Des's apparently rather unremarkable résumé, especially as he was going to turn down the job offer anyway.
Nevertheless, Widmore says he's impressed, and even it looks, and calls it a "noble gesture" as he gets up and walks over to the liquor cabinet (god, I want an office with a liquor cabinet) and asks if Desmond knows anything about whisky. I think if a potential father-in-law asks you that question, you need to be really careful about your answer. For example, "What don't I know about whisky!" is not the right answer. Desmond says he doesn't know anything, and Widmore picks up a bottle of the same stuff Charlie, Hurley and Desmond will be drinking on the beach in a few years.
"This is a sixty-year MacCutcheon," says Widmore, taking two crystal glasses and going back to his desk as he blah-blahs about an Admiral MacCutcheon, the most decorated man in the Royal Navy, who retired to the highlands to spend his remaining years making whisky, and all of it is bullshit as far as I've been able to ascertain. Widmore sets the two glasses down on his desk, and Desmond allows himself a slight smile as he thinks this is a celebration. But with this much setup, and given what we already know, I think most of us were just waiting for the guillotine blade, hey? "Admiral MacCutcheon was a great man, Hume. This was his crowning achievement," says Widmore, and pours a little whisky into just one of the glasses, and puts the cap back on the bottle. Desmond's smile falters.
Widmore holds up the glass. "This swallow is worth more than you could make in a month," says Widmore. Because the pay in your administrative department is shit? Or... oh. A stricken Desmond watches as Widmore swallows the whisky, and looks reflectively at the glass before speaking again. "To share it with you would be a waste, and a disgrace to the great man who made it. Because you, Hume, will never be a great man."
It takes Desmond a while to answer, while Widmore's eyes burn holes through him. Holy shit, Desmond. Stand up for yourself! Part of me believes Widmore's testing him. But all Desmond can do is weakly stammer out, "I know I'm not... " and Widmore cuts him off. "What you're not, is worthy of drinking my whisky. How could you ever be worthy of my daughter?" Desmond just looks around and doesn't say anything. Not, "Too bad, we love each other," not "sod off," not anything. I'm having a really hard time rooting for Desmond when he seems so paralyzed by wussiness.
Outside, though, Desmond takes out his frustration on his tie, by angrily tearing it off and throwing it down on the sidewalk. Would it have killed him to have displayed a little bit of that fire in front of Widmore? Maybe, actually -- Widmore looks kind of tough.
Even now, his anger quickly dissipates when he hears some street busker strumming away and singing "Wonderwall," and he strolls over to where people are inexplicably standing around listening to some street performer warble away a song that's been played a million times on the radio already, instead of hurrying by. There's a guy in Moose Jaw who is probably the worst street performer I've ever seen. I never actually heard him play, but that's part of what makes him so bad. He sits on a bench outside city hall, smoking, guitar at his feet. When you pass by, he croaks out, in a two-packs-a-day-for-fifty-years voice, "Ya wanna hear a song?" In my four years there, I never once saw anyone take him up on it. Now, I kind of wish I had, because what does it sound like when a guy with a voice like a car accident sings a song?
Anyway, in this case, the singer is a clean-shaven Charlie Pace, so I figure we're supposed to infer that this is pre-Driveshaft fame and fortune. And as Driveshaft seems modeled after Oasis, the choice of song is a nice touch -- not to mention that the lyrics go, "And maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me." Remember that for later.
Charlie finishes up and thanks the people who are just showering him with money. Someone puts in a "fiver" like AS IF, not to mention the thunderous applause of the crowd. Desmond walks up, fixated on Charlie, and says, "I know you? How do I know you?" And Charlie ignores him at first, and finally says that he doesn't know Desmond, but he'll remember if he "could get some help," indicating the open guitar case, so I guess for Charlie, being a busker is a lot like being a police informant.
Instead, Desmond flashes back to when Swan station was imploding, including when Charlie asked Desmond for help. "You're Charlie," says London Desmond. "Yeah, name's on the sign," says Charlie, and sure enough, "Charlie Hieronymous Pace is on the sign. "Hieronymous"? Really? Fortunately, by the time Driveshaft came along, Charlie Pace had learned a thing or two about show business, I suppose.
More flashbacks for Desmond, of Clancy Brown, both alive and dead, the timer run down to the hieroglyphs, everything going nuts as the hatch implodes. Desmond starts wigging out right there on the street, going off about the hatch and how he remembers Charlie, and there being a computer, and a button, and how they were on an island. "We are on an island, mate. This is England," says Charlie, as non-helpful as ever even in flashbacks. But Desmond's going crazy now, saying it was real and he remembers it. Charlie turns to the crowd and says, "This is why we don't do drugs." That, and so we don't sleep with clap-ridden Poison-loving skanks who beat us up. (Boy, how much do I not miss college.) Desmond apparently remembers this day too, as he starts babbling about remembering Widmore saying he wasn't worthy, and then losing his tie and Penny asking where it was, and then it started to rain...
And then it starts to rain. (What about Penny asking him where the tie was?) All around Desmond and Charlie, the music-loving Londoners open up their brollies and take cover. Charlie scrambles to gather up his stuff, while the camera pulls up, all the better to get the standard arms-out shot of Desmond looking up into the rain.
Speaking of university days, I also don't miss pretentious nonsense-spouting professors (which, I hasten to add, were admittedly a minority at my school). We're in some university, I guess, as some dude is lecturing a woman as they walk together about how her paper? Thesis? I (I think my broadcast was cut off a little) is "... a bit neat. The wild card part, which is unpredictability. Run the same test ten times, you'll get ten different outcomes. It's what makes life so wonderfully... " He's interrupted in dazzling the undergrad with his intellectual brilliance by Desmond, who comes running into the building onto the ground floor and yells, "Donovan!" up at them. "Case in point," says "Donovan," who has earned my dislike in a mere ten on-screen seconds, "who could have known that a drenched Scotsman would appear in this rotunda?" Well, Desmond knew, perfesser.
Down on the ground floor, Desmond says, teasingly, "You've looked better, Des; not much, but... " Desmond's got no time for this, and I am on board with Donovan shutting up for a second, and says he needs to ask Donovan something: "What do you know about time travel?" Uh, what kind of university is this? Is this where Dr. Peter Venkman went to school?
Donovan and Desmond sit over beers at a pub, looking at each other. Donovan takes a sip from his glass, and says, "Are you bloody insane?" Desmond just wants to know if it's possible. "Which part?" says Donovan. "The island full of mysterious hatches? Or the computer which keeps the world from ending?" Desmond wants Donovan to forget he's Des's best mate: "As a physicist -- is it possible that I've somehow managed to go back in time, and I'm now living my life over again?" Desmond starts to laugh, which Desmond doesn't appreciate, but Donovan explains: "Penny's father berates you for not being a great man, and voila, you've dreamed a future where you push a button to save the world." Hmmm. I like Donovan's general theory here, but I have to say that if Desmond were to come up with a fantasy of greatness, the Lost universe is kind of a fucked-up one. Desmond says it's not in his head; he remembers things. His memories aren't in his head? So Donovan asks him what's going to happen , right now. "It doesn't work like that. I don't remember everything, just bits and pieces," says Desmond, which Donovan calls "wonderfully convenient," although I'd argue that for Desmond it's actually rather inconvenient that he can't prove it to Donovan.
Or can he? Suddenly, "Make Your Own Kind of Music" starts playing on the jukebox, which triggers a memory for Desmond. Something about a guy who wears a wig made out of Snickers bars... This concerns Donovan, but Desmond's off and running now, saying he remembers this night. He notices the television above the bar, featuring a soccer game, or as they call it over across the pond, "telly." He says Graybridge comes back from two goals down in the final two minutes to win ("It's a bloody miracle!"). And then he says some guy named "Jimmy Lennon" comes through the door and hits the bartender in the head with a cricket bat because he owes Jimmy money. Donovan ain't buyin' it, but I can't wait to see that.
They watch the television. "They'll score the first goal right now," says Desmond, and they watch as Graybridge... doesn't score. "No, no, they came back! They won!" says Desmond, upset (he looks just like me watching the Oilers all year), and he looks to the door for Jimmy Lennon. Instead, two women, or "trolleys," in England, walk through the door. Desmond looks rather deflated as the two trolleys walk past. "There's no such thing as time travel, Des," says Donovan, who adds that from what he understands, "true love is just as unlikely," which is one of the saddest things I've ever heard (especially since he just said time travel doesn't exist!). But this is his way of coming around to say that if Desmond loves Penny, he should stop messing about and marry her. Meanwhile, Donovan's going to quit messing about and finish building that flux capacitor.
Desmond returns home to his flat, where Penny has fallen asleep really awkwardly sitting up in bed. She stirs as he moves in to kiss her, and smilingly says he smells like a pub. "That's because I was at the pub," he concedes. She knows he didn't get the job, and asks what her father said. Desmond says her father was "lovely" (she snorts, not buying it), but they both agreed that he wasn't exactly qualified. Penelope wants to "celebrate that fate has spared [him] a miserable existence under the employ of Widmore Industries," and she wants to treat him to lobsters on the pier tomorrow. Desmond feels his failure to impress the old bastard is not an occasion to celebrate, but if everyone felt that way, the only person ever allowed to celebrate would be an old dead whisky-making admiral apparently.
"The occasion is I love you," says Penny, and Desmond asks her why. "Because you're a good man. In my experience, they're pretty hard to come by," she says. Desmond is so miserable over being loved by a beautiful woman who wants to treat him to lobster that he turns away, which means he unfortunately misses the spectacular cleavage Penny shows as she crawls out of bed to comfort him. She takes his head in her hands and asks where he is. "I'm right here," he says.
Looks like Desmond decided to take Donovan's advice; he's examining a display case full of rings in a second-hand shop (albeit a really nice one). An older woman, played by Fionnula Flanagan, if that means anything to you (it didn't to me, but apparently she's been all over television ["And movies, one of which was...are you ready?...The Others! Ooooooo! Okay, I'll stop now." -- Joe R]) approaches and guesses that he's never done this before: "I can always tell the first-timers." She asks what Desmond's price range is, and he sheepishly says he's "not a man of means." She graciously cuts him off as he starts to stammer out something about how he hopes to be rich one day or whatever, and says she has just the thing for him. She leads him over to another display case, where she takes out a simple yet quite beautiful diamond on a gold band. "This won't blind any queens, to be sure, but it still has the sparkle of life," she says, and Desmond takes it. He smiles, admiring it, and says he'll take it, which really comes as something of a surprise to Fionnula, and Desmond has to repeat himself: "It's perfect. I'll take it." But Fionnula snaps that he won't. Her friendly demeanour rapidly fading, she orders him to give the ring back. Desmond's right confused now, but Fionnula's explanation really doesn't help him: "This is wrong. You don't buy the ring. You have second thoughts; you walk right out that door. So, come on, let's have it." Desmond has no idea what she's on about, and says so, so she says again: "You don't buy the ring, Desmond." The fact that she knows his name only freaks him out more, but it turns out Fionnula knows a whole lot more than that: "I know your name as well as I know that you that don't ask Penny to marry you. In fact, you break her heart. Well, breaking her heart, of course, is what drives you in a few short years from now to enter that sailing race, to prove her father wrong, which brings you to the island where you spend the three years of your life entering numbers into the computer until you are forced to turn that failsafe key." Desmond stares at her, but that's what he gets for not making sure to enter a second-hand shop that doesn't have spoilers. "And if you don't do those things, Desmond David Hume, every single one of us is dead," spits Fionnula, who holds her hand out again: "Now give me that sodding ring!"
We're back from commercial, and Desmond hasn't given back the ring. His open mouth is probably gathering a lot of flies, though. An annoyed Fionnula withdraws her hand. "Oh, you're going to be difficult about this, I can see." Desmond asks who she is. Instead of answering, Fionnula says, "Do you like chestnuts?" and walks away, leaving a befuddled Desmond in her wake.
Cut to the two of them outside, with Fionnula buying chestnuts from a dude on the street. How do you like them chestnuts, Desmond? But really: chestnut vendors? Seems kind of quaint. I'm half-expecting Dick Van Dyke to go clicking his heels down the road in a chimney sweep's outfit.
The crazy lady has her chestnuts now, so she'll be considerably friendlier. She points out a guy climbing up from the Underground, noting that he's wearing red shoes. Desmond looks, and sure enough, the guy has capped off his business suit with red Chuck Taylor ripoffs. Not that Desmond has any idea why he should care. "Just thought it was a bold fashion choice worth noting," sniffs Fionnula, like Desmond's the one acting strangely. They sit down on a park bench.
Desmond thinks he's got this figured out though: this isn't really happening, and Fionnula is just Desmond's subconscious, a theory that makes Fionnula smile. "You're here to talk me out of marrying Penny. Well, it won't bloody work," he snaps. She says it will. He goes on about how there isn't an island, no button: "It's madness. I love her. She loves me. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with her." Again, Fionnula quietly disagrees.
Suddenly, there's a loud crash behind them, and they turn around to look: some scaffolding has collapsed and apparently buried someone underneath the rubble of construction work. On the plus side, the red shoes sticking out from underneath the rocks makes victim identification a breeze. A horrified Desmond looks at Fionnula, who looks not in the least surprised. "You knew that was going to happen, didn't you?" he says. She nods. "Then why didn't you stop it? Why didn't you do anything?" Fionnula says it wouldn't matter: "Had I warned him about the scaffolding, tomorrow he'd be hit by a taxi. If I warned him about the taxi, he'd fall in the shower and break his neck." In other words, can't be arsed, eh? Fionnula says the universe has a way of "course-correcting," and that the man was supposed to die. "That was his path! Just as it's your path, to go to the island. You don't do it because you choose to, Desmond. You do it because you're supposed to."
Desmond defiantly says he's going to meet Penny in an hour: "I've got the ring; she'll say yes. I can choose whatever I want." Fionnula sadly shakes her head. "You may not like your path, Desmond, but pushing that button is the only truly great thing that you will ever do." That might be one of the more depressing things Desmond's ever been told. He looks at her a long time, almost like he's starting to believe her, but eventually just asks how much the ring is. Fionnula gets a look on her face like "why do I even bother" and just walks away.
Desmond's despondently walking down the street. He doesn't look as happy as you'd think someone who got an engagement ring for free would. He passes by an Armed Forces recruitment office, and a poster catches his eye. Too bad the prop department couldn't foresee the need for a Scottish poster to promise "Honour" instead of "Honor." In addition to the "honor," the Armed Forces promises adventure. Also, "Become a man you can be proud of," it tells Desmond. Desmond rubs his head. How the hell is he going to explain to Penny that he's lost his appetite for lobster because he was stuffing his face with chestnuts with a crazy old lady?
Fortunately, he's managed to at least paste a smile on as he waits along the Thames for Penny, who strolls up and kisses him. They walk past some dude with a souvenir photography stand who exhorts them to get their picture taken. Desmond declines, and the photographer tries saying that it'll be something to show the grandkids, which perks Penny up: "Oh, come on, Des. Let's do it. For all those grandkids," she jokes.
And instead of the magnificence of the Thames and the Parliament buildings and Big Ben in the background, for some reason the photographer has a series of chintzy pull-down backdrops like a desert and the Alps. Maybe it's a reverse-tourist thing -- Desmond and Penny see Big Ben all the time, so what do they need that in the background of the photo for. Also, there needs to be some way to get the marina into the backdrop of Desmond's picture with Penny, right?
Desmond and Penny get into place, with Penny telling Des to take his coat off, what with all the palm trees at the marina. The photographer snaps the picture, and Penny hands over five quid while Desmond walks away, fixated on the photo, which took all of about two seconds to develop. "I couldn't go through with this," he says to himself. "What was that?" asks Penelope, joining him. He looks at her: "I can't do this." Can't do what, Penelope wants to know. "Us. This. This relationship," says Desmond. Penny has no idea what he's on about, and Desmond starts yammering about how he can't look after her: "I haven't got a job. I don't have any -- I can't even afford five quid for a bloody photograph. You deserve someone better," he says. God, please stop whining, Desmond. You turned down a job. Penny has a job (I think?). She certainly has money. She doesn't need to be taken care of. I can't figure out if this is Desmond being actually unable to stop what happens, or if this is him just giving in to the idea that he can't stop it from happening. Penny says she knows what she deserves, and that she chooses to be with Desmond. "I love you," she says. "Love's not enough. Being a good man is not enough," says Desmond. Penny just wants to know where this is coming from. "It's all happening too soon -- you moving in. You're painting rooms; you're changing things. I don't even like red," he says. Maybe it's just Desmond's fate to be a commitmentphobe? He asks why she'd leave her expensive flat, and fortunately she finally slaps him, because she thinks he's pretending not to care: "Don't you dare rewrite history," she snaps, reminding out that she left her flat because he was too proud to live there. I keep waiting for the photographer to tiptoe up and ask them to move their lover's spat further down the river because they're killing his couples business.
Penny's fighting back tears: "If you want me to go -- if you want me to leave -- then don't make this about what I do or don't deserve. And have the decency to admit that you're doing this because you're a coward." But Desmond can't even do that; he just stares at her for about five hours before he says, "I'm sorry, Pen, but this -- we're not supposed to be together." Oh, and there are the tears. I'm sorry, I just can't get into this. I hate television shows in which bad things happen to people simply because they're too busy pissing and moaning and not doing things they need to do to be happy. Jim and Pam, are you listening? Penny walks away, wiping her face. Desmond stares at the ring he should have given her, instead of throwing it into the Thames, as he does here. I realize he didn't pay for it or anything, but that's just a waste! Nice underwater perspective of the ring hitting the river and sinking, though. I guess if he needs to find the ring later, Charlie'll be some help.
Desmond heads back to the bar where he had beers with Donovan. Excellent. You can't set up a cricket-bat beating and not have it pay off! He sits down at the bar, and the bartender asks him what he'll have. Desmond happens to see a bottle of MacCutcheon behind the bar, and he snorts. "Just give me a pint of your cheapest. I'm celebrating," he says, and the bartender asks what the occasion is. "I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. And the worst part is I'm pretty sure I've made it before," says Desmond, and the bartender says "That's what they call déjà vu, mate."
Speaking of which, people at this bar seem to love Mama Cass, because "Make Your Own Kind of Music" is playing again. On the television, there's a soccer game, and Graybridge has apparently come back to win. Desmond gets all excited: "I had the wrong night! I was right! I was off by a night! I heard the song, and then -- I remember this. I'm not crazy. I can still change things. I can still change it." I'm not sure I follow -- since it is happening exactly how he remembers it, doesn't that mean he can't change things?
And there's still the matter of angry Jimmy Lennon with the cricket bat, who comes storming through the door and demanding money from the bartender. Desmond decides, I guess, that he wants to change things starting right now, so he yells for the bartender to duck -- unfortunately, his intervention means Jimmy Lennon hits Des with the cricket bat instead, knocking him out.
Quick flash of Desmond turning the key, and the screen goes white. It's Des, on the ground back on the island, coming to after the hatch blew up. He's naked, dirty, sweaty, and bearded, which is not unlike what my weekends look like.
Desmond goes running through the jungle and finds scattered remnants of the hatch: the stationary bike, the dartboard, the ping-pong table -- and then the crater where Swan station used to be. Right nearby, naturally, is his weathered, folded photograph -- fortunately, it was printed on explosion-proof paper -- of him and Penny. He starts crying about how he wants to go back one more time, and he'll do it right, and he's sorry, and he'll change it.
And we whoosh back to Desmond looking at the photo from earlier in this episode (I wouldn't have minded someone announcing, "earlier tonight, on Lost," like they do for "previously on Lost" scenes) with Claire beside him, and we hear Charlie voiceover: "How'd you know Claire was drowning?" and then Desmond's drunk on the beach, saying he could hear her calling for help, and Charlie asks if he could hear the lightning, and we see the scene of Desmond setting up the lightning rod, keeping the lightning from hitting Claire's tent.
And again, a drunken Desmond gets up to walk away, and Charlie calls him a coward. Desmond jumps him, which I don't mind watching again, and yelling about how Charlie doesn't want to know what happened to Desmond when he turned the key. Hurley manages to finally pull Desmond off Charlie, and Desmond yells, "You can't change it! You can't change it no matter what you try to do. You just can't change it." Hurley makes the little finger-twirling "crazy" gesture, and Charlie says they should get him to his tent.
They lift him up, and Charlie drags him over to a tree by the tent, while Desmond drunkenly calls Charlie a good man and apologizes for trying to strangle him. Charlie says he's sorry for calling Des a coward, but Desmond says he's right. "Desmond," says Charlie, squatting down, "you are going to tell me what happened to you," says Charlie. Hey, now's as good a time as any, right? Desmond says when he turned the key, his life flashed before his eyes. "And then I was back in the jungle and still on this bloody island. But those flashes, Charlie, those flashes -- they didn't stop."
Charlie deduces that Desmond saw a flash of Claire drowning, which is how he knew how to save her. Desmond: "I wasn't saving Claire, Charlie. I was saving you." Whuh? "This morning, you dove in after Claire. You tried to save her but you drowned." Charlie, not currently drowned, is understandably confused. "What are you talking about? I didn't drown."
No, thanks to Desmond. The lightning rod? Desmond saw Charlie electrocuted. He drowned going after Claire; Desmond went in himself so Charlie wouldn't have to go in.
"I've tried, brother. I've tried twice to save you, but the universe has a way of course correcting, and I can't stop it forever." Desmond, you magnificent bastard, are you saying what I think you're saying? "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, because no matter what I try to do... you're going to die, Charlie."
Santa did get my letter!