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So you know how you kind of figured that Michael was captured by the Others and made a deal with them to free Henry in exchange for Walt? Well, we spend the bulk of this episode "learning" that Michael was captured by the Others and made a deal with them to free Henry in exchange for Walt. We're introduced to Miss Klugh, in the Others' camp of tents and huts, who asks Michael all kinds of questions about Walt, like when he started talking, if he was ever ill as a child, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego. The "three minutes" referred to in the title is the three minutes Michael is given to talk to Walt, which is so we don't get a good long look at how old Walt has gotten. Seriously, he's got like a Craphole U Frosh Week 2006 T-shirt on. His hairline has started to recede. Walt's kind of freaked out and wants his dad to rescue him, and Miss Klugh instructs Michael to free Henry, and then bring Kate, Hurley, Sawyer, and Jack back to the Others' village. Michael does this by claiming he has a plan to take the Others, but it's not suspicious to anyone that Michael's A-Team is only those four people, and not ACTUAL SOLDIER SAYID.
Fortunately, Sayid still has a brain, and tells Jack he thinks Michael is "compromised." Jack wants to know how Sayid knows this, and Sayid does not say, "Because I am not stupid," but he wants to figure out a plan.
Meanwhile, Locke takes off his leg splint, Eko gives up building the church, and Charlie throws away the heroin, so let's hope nobody needs any pain relief any time soon. Hurley cries at the funeral for Libby. As for Ana-Lucia, she's remembered thusly: "R.I.P., Ana-Lucia," an excerpt from Jack's Worst Eulogy Ever, and "I screwed her," courtesy of all-class, all-the-time Sawyer. Thank God he didn't say that at the funeral. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
The title screen tells us that we are going to flashback to thirteen days ago, which is going to translate to about four months of our time, and half a season ago episode-wise. Locke's mounting the guns in the armory, and Michael comes in to whisper that he wants a gun for target practice. Locke asks if it's supposed to be a secret (because of the whispering), and Michael says that Jack's asleep. Locke agreeably asks him if he's going for more target practice, which Michael fidgetingly accepts as a good cover story, and he checks his watch. "Got a date?" asks Locke, and Michael shrugs something about old habits. Locke hands him over a rifle, and Michael "accidentally" spills bullets all over the floor. Locke crouches down to pick them up, and Michael bonks him with the butt end of the rifle, although it doesn't actually come close to hitting Locke. Maybe he hit the air hard enough, and the air was what knocked Locke out? That would also explain Locke's slightly delayed reaction in crumpling in a heap on the floor.Michael briefly looks remorseful, and then goes racing into the computer room, where he starts hammering on the keyboard. The cursor doesn't even respond for a second, and when the screen finally displays what Michael types, it's all gibberish, like "asajsskadfjklsdjfl," like in his distress he can't lift his fingers from the home keys, so I hope he's gotten used to communicating with Walt using only those letters. "Dad sad; has flak; a salad." D'oh! He deletes all that, and types, "You okay?" Fool! "OK" would save valuable Walt-rescuing time. Seconds go by, with no response. Michael looks crushed. Then: "ok. no time. come soon?" Look, Walt. That's not how we do things at TWoP. Proper capitalization, dude. I don't care that you've been "kidnapped by the Others" or whatever the fuck, I'm bumping up your warning level. Michael types that he's coming NOW, and also, "You said north?" like AS IF Walt knows from directions. Michael types "north WHERE?" because probably by this time Walt has also worked out latitude and longitude. There's a long wait, and then, on the screen, "when they take me out, there's huge rocks with a big HOLE in the middle by the beach. you'll know when you see it." Michael types, "It's gonna be okay. I'm coming, Walt." And he says out loud, "I'm coming, Walt," as he types it, too.
Then we hear Jack call Locke's name from somewhere else in the bunker, and Michael grabs the gun and goes and shoves it in Jack's face as Jack finds the unconscious Locke in the armory, and yells about going after his son, which is "a father's right," and we skip the bit about Michael threatening to shoot the computer, and Michael slams the door of the armory.
The black title screen tells us it is now TODAY. And present-day Michael, arm in a sling, is outside, holding a piece of pink notepaper that if we were to pause and stare until our eyeballs dry out and fall from our eye sockets we could probably make out through the paper, reading backwards, what is written, but I'm trusting we'll know by the end of the episode. And then he lights the piece of paper on fire.
The opening of the Swan station door behind him startles him. It's just Jack, brusquely wondering what he's doing out there. Michael says he's just getting some air, and Jack motions him into the hatch, because "we should talk." Has Michael been found out? Is that why Jack sounds almost hostile? No; you're forgetting that Jack sometimes acts like the Boss of Everybody for no particular reason.
Inside, Libby and Ana-Lucia are still dead, plus covered with blankets. The blankets from the picnic that never was. Maybe that's why Hurley looks so bummed. Jack is demanding to know from Sawyer how many guns he has, and is less than pleased to find out Sawyer has "only" eleven. "In case you forgot, they took five of them right off us," he says. Hey, that's right. So when Michael says the Others' hatch was being guarded by two guys with two guns, "and two guns is all they have," isn't that like insta-bullshit? I mean, that slipped by me too, at first. But I'd like to think that if this weren't just a television show, and my life actually depended on this shit, I'd keep better track.
And Jack asks Michael how long it would take to get to the Others' camp, and Michael says if they left right now, moving fast, middle of the night tomorrow. He wants to go right now, just the five of them, because the Others have no idea he knows where they are, and won't be expecting them. Jack says five isn't enough, and they argue, because Jack figures Michael isn't in the best place to make decisions for everybody. "You got a son, Jack?" snaps Michael, like ISN'T THAT JACK'S POINT, MICHAEL, and Jack is backing off when Hurley interrupts with, "They're dead!" like slow reaction, there, Hugo, and everyone looks at him, kind of all buzz-killed. "Ana-Lucia and Libby are dead! I mean, we haven't even buried 'em, yet." Jack strolls over, pats Hurley on the shoulder and says he and Hurley will take Libby, and Kate and Sawyer quickly agree to take care of Ana-Lucia. Jack tells Michael to wait here. They'll bury the women tonight, and then figure out what to do. The undertakers get ready to go to work, while Michael stares at the bloodstain on the floor, showing no pride in his handiwork whatsoever.
Thirteen days ago, Michael hoofs it across a clearing. See him take a water break! See him check a compass! See the opening credits let us know that Walt will in fact be in this episode! Michael comes across someone at a moment when men are at maybe our most vulnerable: taking a leak. Michael unshoulders his rifle and points it at the Other, presumably, and tells him to get his hands up. The Other doesn't seem too perturbed about having a rifle pointed at him, and gets all chatty with Michael, telling him to calm down. He says, "Hey, you're Walt's old man!" like they're parents at their children's school's Meet The Teachers night. And then we see why the leaky Other isn't so concerned; Zeke's right behind Michael, all beard and gut and shabby clothes, and he grabs Michael's rifle, which goes off into the air, and Michael gets thrown into the arms of the guy who was taking a piss, which is just gross, because Michael didn't even let him wash his hands. Michael struggles and gets away, and pulls out a pistol and starts firing backwards. One of the Others (there's a few of them now) fires back, until Zeke stops him, reminding him that they need Michael. Then Zeke whips out a...bolo? Some sort of weapon that he twirls around his head and then lets fly, tripping Michael up. Zeke tells the other Others to "bag him quick," because his friends are right behind him.
Today, Michael is using his one good arm to scrub the bloodstain off the floor. Would there were a cleaning agent that could scrub the bloodstain from your soul. Eko approaches, and Michael says he didn't hear Eko come in. Eko says he took his shoes off at the entrance, because they were muddy. Shout-out? Can you think of any other point to this dialogue? Michael goes back to cleaning -- that's right, you're on brain detail, Mr. Motherfucking Guns of Navarone -- and Eko gets a cloth from the sink to help him. Michael says Eko used to be a priest, so he believes in hell, right? Specifically, a level of hell exclusively for distraught fathers shooting allies to get his son back, right? Eko launches into a story about when he was at a small parish in England, and there was a young boy who'd hang around the church after mass. Hopefully, this will be different from priests' stories about young boys hanging around the church in small parishes in New England. "And then one day the boy confessed to me that he had beaten his dog to death with a shovel," tells Eko, as Michael looks on, horrified. The dog had bitten this boy's sister, and the boy was protecting her, but he was worried he'd go to hell for this. Eko says he told the boy, "God would understand, that he would be forgiven, as long as he was sorry." But the boy didn't care about forgiveness; "he was only afraid that if he did go to hell, that dog would be there waiting for him."
Some people take this story as evidence that Eko's figured out what Michael's done. If that's true, then Eko's one lousy fucking priest, I have to say. Not to mention a guy I wouldn't want on my side. "Oh, you shot two innocent people because some bad people kidnapped your son? That's just like a boy who killed a vicious dog that attacked his sister! Well, as long as you're sorry!" Not to mention, everyone knows all dogs go to heaven. The only part he got right is about God forgiving you as long as you're truly sorry. How else would be the Mafia be such good Catholics?
So given that Michael does seem truly sorry, you'd think this would be all good news to him, that he'll be getting to heaven. But he goes outside to puke. Puke out the guilt, Michael. Puke it out! Jack's strolling by and comes over to see if he's okay. Michael gathers himself together and says that he is, and then starts going on about having to get his boy back. He urgently tells Jack that he's already got everything all figured out, that it has to be just the people "who already know," Hurley, Jack, Kate and Sawyer. And that's it. "Who already know" what? About the Others? Everybody knows about them. About Walt being gone? Doesn't everybody know that too? About Ana-Lucia and Libby being shot? Won't people wonder about this when they're buried later on? But in the face of Michael's stupidity and supposed paternal privilege and NOT AT ALL ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR, Jack agrees to this nonsense, and then says, "I'll just go tell MY ARMY that they don't get to come." Or he would, if we were ever going to hear of that plot dead-end again. Even Michael looks surprised that his bullshit seems to have worked.
Claire, who hasn't been around in about forty episodes, is tending to Aaron and his giant head. Charlie strolls up and says hello. Aaron seems happy to see him, but Claire is rather chilly, almost as if Charlie is a former heroin junkie given to abducting her child. Charlie's doing that ex-boyfriend-but-see-how-fine-I-am-with-things total over-nonchalance thing as he asks if she's seen Eko. She says she hasn't, and he tells her they're building a church. So see, his life is completely full without her. "Is there something you want, Charlie?" she says coolly. He gets to the point: he found this briefcase of vaccine on the pallet, which is news to everyone, so I'm guessing this hadn't been thought of by the time they were shooting the actual pallet scenes. Charlie's got no idea what they'd need vaccine for, but figured if anyone should hang onto it, it should be the mother with her baby. It even comes with a handy-dandy pneumatic injector, like Desmond had, not that the two of them would know about that. Charlie demonstrates firing the injector into his leg, saying it's quite painless. She's suspicious of how he knows so much about that, and he explains that he tried it, to make sure it was safe for her and the baby. And not because when it comes to injectable chemicals, Charlie's up for anything. Claire accepts this, though, and asks how Charlie feels. He feels fine. And yes, because Charlie appears to not have any weeping sores or ear bleeding, at least not that I can see, I as a new mother will totally accept that it's OKAY TO FIRE A PNEUMATIC VACCINE GUN INTO MY NEWBORN. Charlie says the bottles say to inject every nine days, so there's enough for Claire and Aaron for a while.
And they look at each other, and get kind of awkward, and Claire smiles and thanks him, and they're shiny, happy people for a moment, and Charlie takes the moment to start to ask if he and Claire could...but he never gets to finish that bad idea because Claire, over his shoulder, sees Michael and Jack approaches the beach. "Michael's back!" she squeals. Too bad Charlie didn't find a couple of bulletproof jackets on that pallet instead of mystery vaccine.
There's Sun and Jin on the beach, working on a fishing net. Sun glances up, and says, "Michael?" Jin glances up, and sure enough, there's Michael with Jack, strolling over. And there are four extras, down the beach aways, running towards the camera, merrily saying things like, "It's Michael!" I love the enthusiastic extras. You know they're all excited because of the two open spots in the main cast. Claire, carrying Aaron, and Charlie make their way over too, as an overjoyed Jin hugs Michael, who looks like he swallowed a spider. I really enjoyed watching Perrineau in this scene, as he seems to be realizing that he's made a choice that has changed everything, not to sound too much like an ABC preview promise. Everyone's happy to see him -- and he's just killed two of them, and no one knows it, yet. For me, it's a really interesting road to go down, and I hope Michael doesn't get killed before the rest of the Lostaways find out what happened. Anyway, Michael does his best to put on a smiling face, as he hugs Sun too; she's all smiles, until she looks a little ways away to where two blanket-covered bodies sit on the sand, Kate grimly digging a hole beside them.
Sun turns to Michael. "Who?" she says. "Ana-Lucia and Libby," he says. She asks what happened. Michael's silent for a moment, thinking about it, before finally saying, "They were murdered," he says. Well, he's not a liar, anyway. At least, not right this moment. But the way he says it, it's almost like he's being honest with himself about what he's done.
Thirteen days ago, it's night. Zeke hauls a bound, hooded Michael into a clearing where a woman sits, tending a fire. He pulls the hood off Michael's head. Michael promptly spits on him, which Zeke says is fair, because Zeke took his boy. But don't do that again, mmmkay? Michael demands to know where his boy is, figuring that also calling Zeke a "son of a bitch" can't hurt. Zeke's busy chuckling when another Other brings in a similarly hooded Kate, saying she was following her friend about half a klick behind them. Zeke warns Michael not to make a sound, or he'll never see his boy again. Michael clams up, and Zeke orders the other Others to gag Michael, and to get ready with the torches, because he's going to go talk to "her people." Do you think maybe the Others refer to the Lostaways as "the Others" too? Like how the Vietnamese refer to the Vietnam War as "the American War"? And hey, doesn't that woman tending the fire look like Alex?
Anyway, her people are Jack, Locke and Sawyer, who, in fine Lostaway rescue fashion, are arguing amongst themselves, because Locke has lost Michael's trail. And we get the scene again where Zeke confronts the Three Amigos, only we can see that Michael was close by the entire time. Both he and Kate are startled by the sound of gunfire nearby, but Alex tries to assure Michael that Zeke's just delivering a message. "He just needs to scare your friends to do it," she says, as if this is in any way reassuring.
We see Zeke's "LIGHT 'EM UUUUUUP!" scene again where the Others did what had to have been a choreographed and rehearsed routine where there torches all light up in a circle, like they all have Zippos, maybe. And Zeke yells, "Bring her out, Alex!"
Back by the campfire, Alex is quite reluctant, and pleads with the other Other there to do it, and he finally agrees. He takes Kate with him, which is great for Alex, because now she gets to catch up on all the gossip. "How's Claire? Did she have the baby? Is it okay? Is it a boy or a girl?" Michael just stares at her, the way you might if you were bound and gagged and one of your captors was chatting with you like you're meeting for coffee. And also that one of the captors knows about your pregnant friend. And that you can't answer questions anyway BECAUSE YOU ARE GAGGED.
The Three Amigos relinquish their weapons and get Kate back. Over at the fire, Zeke strolls up with the sack full of the weapons and announces that Mike's friends are going home. "Gave him up," he says. He glances at Alex, gives her a look. She turns to Michael, apologizes, and then clonks him in the head with the butt of her rifle. So that's where he learned how to do that.
Today, Michael sits on the beach, petting Vincent. I hope he's not thinking about taking Eko's story too literally.
Over in Sawyer's tent, he and Jack are pulling the guns out of Sawyer's hidden box. Sawyer's got a bottle of booze too, that he shakes in Jack's direction. Jack ignores the alcohol, like it's been a long season for Matthew Fox and he just can't wait for the break so he can't even stay in character and have a drink? "Here I was thinking the Irish drink when somebody dies," says Sawyer, and he takes a swig. Jack says he's not Irish, and Sawyer smirks that neither is he. But maybe he needs the courage to ask Jack about what happened with him and Kate out in the jungle all night before they found Michael. "We were caught in a net," says Jack. Sawyer suspiciously asks what the hell that's supposed to mean, as if it isn't likely to be literally true on this island. "It means we got caught in a net," repeats Jack, and Sawyer asks if that's what they're calling it these days, as if Jack would have been able to resist letting Sawyer know he and Kate went in for a little rumpy-bumpy out there.
The two of them are all geared up, and as they leave the tent, Sayid's stomping over, asking if it's true that Henry's gone. Jack says it is, and Locke and Eko went out after him in the middle of the night. "But we haven't seen either of them since." Sayid notices them carrying the guns, and wants to know what they're doing. "What do you think we're doing? It's time to finish this," says Sawyer. Sayid, almost happily, asks when they leave. In the morning, says Sawyer, but Jack tells Sayid he's not coming, so Sayid stomps over to Jack and gives him a hilarious "exCUSE me?" Michael wants to keep it small, explains Jack: "Me, Kate, Hurley and him," he says, pointing at Sawyer, who says, "Yeah, well, 'him' says even though Pippi Longstocking and the damn Grape Ape are ideal candidates for the dirty dozen, I'm just going to say we might want to bring along the red beret." Jack says it's Michael's call, because he knows where they're going, like that makes any sense, and Sayid calmly says, "It is not his call, Jack. It's ours." I think Sayid means "ours" as in all of the Lostaways (or at least the main cast), not just him and Jack, or him, Jack and Sawyer. And Sawyer ends the debate by simply handing Sayid a gun and saying, "Welcome aboard."
Eko's strolling down the Swan station corridor. He notices his cross start to pull towards the magnetic wall of mystery, but he doesn't have too much time to think about what's going on, because the timer alarm starts to beep. He hustles over to the computer, and enters the numbers. The timer resets, and a slight smile creases his lips. The smile fades as Charlie strolls in, but it's not like Charlie's not used to that. "So you wake up in the middle of the night, you grab your Jesus stick, you race off into the jungle. You don't call, you don't write?" says Charlie, who's sounding like Bernard as he sits down in a chair, backwards. Maybe Eko's not so good at maintaining friendships. And also, Eko took the axe, not his Bible thumper. But Eko apologizes, as if Charlie is actually owed it, which he isn't, and says he had work to do. "Right, yeah," says an unconvinced Charlie, checking his watch, like what is up with the watch-checking this episode? Eko asks Charlie to do him a favour, and Charlie scoots forward in his chair, all excited. "I was hoping you could bring my things from the beach here," says Eko. Charlie conspiratorially asks if Eko's moving in here: "Fancy yourself a little bachelor pad?" Eko says he is indeed moving in here. Charlie's confused. "Well, what about the church? You said we were supposed to be building it together, man." Eko says simply that he's supposed to do something different now. Charlie asks what he's supposed to do. "Bring my things," says Eko. Heh. Charlie snaps that Eko should bring his own things, and then points at the timer, reminding him that the clock's ticking. Speaking of which, is this the beginning of Eko's "button is more important than ever" phase, or is this his regular button-pushing shift? Because if it's the former, does that mean that Jack has given up on the button? Because if Eko hadn't shown up with moments to spare, that timer would have counted all the way down.
Back on the beach, Michael's putting some food in his backpack, and Sawyer strolls up. "Got some good news for you. Captain Ay-rab's in too. Cavalry rides at sunrise. I've got plenty of supplies and have spent the past few hours jotting down enough nicknames for everybody so that I never have to call you the same thing twice." Michael's less than thrilled that Sawyer told Sayid about the sortie. "Oh, well, I'm sorry. I just figure if we're going to war, we'd want the one guy who's actually been in a war! That a problem?" snaps Sawyer. Michael FINALLY seems to think about how his behaviour might be considered strange, and mumbles that it's not a problem. "Well, all right then," says Sawyer, who usually is able to think up more witty exit lines than that. Michael glares holes in his back. That means it is a problem!
And eleven days ago, Zeke was asking a forced-marching Michael the exact same question about having a problem, while there's a whole long Other convoy, and Michael says they've marched him day and night without any rest, so his problem is that he's tired. "Well, I'd offer to knock you out and carry you, but we're here," says Zeke. "Here" is a lovely little seaside community, marked by a large stone wall, it looks like, with a window. Maybe the remains of an old stone house or fortress? Whatever it is, it's clearly the huge rocks with the hole in the middle that Walt told Michael about, and it's true that Michael couldn’t miss it, especially as he went and got himself captured and marched right past it. Michael stares at it a moment before being hurried along, into the Others' quaint little town of canvas-covered raggedy tents and huts, populated by people dressed in rags. We pass by what look like Dharma hatch doors, guarded by two dudes with rifles, like Michael said earlier, and the Dharma logo looks like it has a rectangle on it, or something. Michael also gawks at some people with fishing nets, who look at him all, "Oh great. Tourist season."
Zeke orders the procession to sit Michael down over by a hut, which they do, roughly, and Zeke says to Alex, "Tell her we're here." She scampers off.
The first Other crouches down by Michael and says, "I can't promise this won't hurt," which is not something one wishes to hear from a captor, and then he pokes a needle into Michael's arm. Michael yelps, and the Other tells him relax, that he's just taking some blood, so don't pussy out, you pussy. "Taking some blood for what? Who are you people? Where's my son?" The Other ignores this, and then drops the filled syringe into a Baggie, because it really looks like they care about the sterile conditions around this Rwanda place here. "That's it, all done. See you in the funny pages," he says, as he twenty-three skidoos right out of there, passing a woman strolling up. Presumably, this is "her."
She says hello, and Michael rudely ignores this and just asks where his son is. "My name is Miss Klugh," she says, like maybe she didn't hear the question. And she's got questions of her own, about Walt, as she squats down in front of Michael. Questions like: is he your biological son? How old was he when he started speaking? Did he have any illnesses growing up? Headaches? Fainting spells? And the only question Michael is able to answer during the barrage is that he is Walt's real father. Me, I'm fascinated by Miss Klugh. I think she's beautiful. Maybe that's what's got Michael flustered. He hasn't gotten any since, well, since Sun and Jin worked things out, I imagine. He finally just snaps and says he wasn't there, that Walt was halfway around the world. Miss Klugh ignores him to ask if Walt ever appeared in a place he wasn't supposed to be. "You say he was halfway around the world -- but did you see him?" Michael doesn't have an answer for that, but maybe Shannon and Sayid do, and Michael just starts yelling that he wants to see his son. Miss Klugh keeps doing this thing where she cocks her head and apprises Michael. It's kind of unnerving. "For someone who wants his son back so badly, you don't seem to know much about him, Michael," she says. Michael has no response to this as Miss Klugh stands up, but come on. Like he should care what they think. Your people took my boy from me during a violent kidnapping at sea, but it really cuts me that you think I'm a bad father. Another explanation, a better one, is that maybe Michael's wondering if whether he sees Walt again depends on his spotty knowledge of him.
Today, Sayid's getting his pack ready on the beach, and Michael strolls up and gets right to it: "You're not coming," he says. Sayid looks almost amused as he says, "Welcome back, Michael." Michael repeats that Sayid's not coming, and Sayid calmly asks why. "Because you're going after the guy that escaped. And I'm going after my son." It's not a bad line of thinking. But since Michael wasn't around for any of the Sayid/Henry business, it's kind of bullshit. You can argue that Michael thinks Sayid wants revenge for Shannon, but in that case, Michael would think Sayid would be going after every motherfucker in the Others' village, not just Henry. Anyway, Sayid's slightly insulted at the implication that he would let a desire for revenge compromise Walt's safety. "I'm implying that I decide who stays, and who goes. And you stay!" yells Michael. Sayid just stares at him, and Michael eventually softens, and says he knows Sayid wants to help, but he's got to do this his way. Sayid looks at him for a moment, before agreeing, and wishing him luck. Given how smart and skeptical Sayid is, I didn't believe this acquiescence for a second. But Michael seems to, and he thanks Sayid and walks away.
To Charlie's credit (I might actually be starting to approach tolerating him again), he's decided to keep working on the church without Eko. Of course, he's finding it difficult putting the roof poles in place without Eko. And since Eko is twice Charlie's size, it's like the church has lost two-thirds of its workforce. But at least Charlie's trying. Plus, we get to hear cute British swearing like "Bloody hell," as he drops a pole. Sodding wanker! Bleedin' telly!
Vincent comes running up; he's carrying one of the Virgin Mary statues in his mouth, and he drops it at Charlie's feet. How did Vincent know Charlie was just about to take a break? "Are you kidding me?" asks Charlie. Vincent hilariously picks it up and drops it again, which is what my dog looks like playing with toys. Charlie asks if someone put him up to this, and Vincent wags his tail in response and goes running off. Charlie follows him into Sawyer's tent, where it looks like Sawyer uncharacteristically didn't seem too concerned about anyone finding his stash, as Vincent's nosed into it without too much apparent difficulty. Charlie digs into the stash, finds the rest of the statues, and COMPLETELY IGNORES the stack of Playboy magazines. I'm always fascinated when I see porno magazines at airport newsstands. You can't keep from jerking off during a flight that you need to buy these? Who buys these?
we see Charlie standing on a beach, staring at the sea. One by one he throws the statues into the ocean, and he clearly had to learn how to throw for this scene. And it's too bad his personal demons take precedence over any possible practical use for the heroin, much like Hurley dumping out all the food. But Hurley was worse. Were I dying on this island, I think I'd prefer a bullet to a syringe to make my death less painful. That's also how I'd started feeling about Charlie scenes lately, but as long as he's not feeling sorry for himself, it's okay. This scene goes on forever, as we get down to the last of the three thousand statues that Charlie carried to the beach, and he stares at it for a long time, and he stares at the ocean, and he chucks the very last one in, watching it drop into the rippling surface.
We go to a side view, and the camera pulls around to show Locke sitting on the beach, taking it all in. Charlie looks over for the first time, and they look at each other a moment. No cheesy smile, no Locke standing up and slowly starting to clap, no Charlie asking, "How long have you been sitting there?" and no Locke answering, "Long enough." More's the pity.
Jack's down the hatch, and he sees Eko at the computer and gives him hell because he was supposed to come right back, but was out in the jungle all night. Like Jack's the dad and Eko's the teenager who missed curfew. "We were unable to find Henry's trail," says Eko, and Jack's all, no shit, and asks where Locke is. "I do not know," says Eko. A frustrated Jack tells him that they're burying Ana-Lucia and Libby at sunset. "Thank you. I will mourn them in my own way," says Eko. Translation: no need to save me a place graveside.
Jack stomps off, and we cut to him and Sawyer getting the guns ready for the raid. Sawyer quietly asks who's going to talk at the funeral. "I'm sure Hurley will want to burble nonsensical eyeroll-inducing things about Libby," predicts Jack. "I never even knew her last name," says Sawyer, and Jack thinks about it, because it sounds like Sawyer's talking about Libby, and Jack doesn't know Libby's last name either, and I don't think I do, but it doesn't matter because Sawyer's talking about Ana-Lucia. Jack tells him it was Cortez. "Cortez, there you go," says Sawyer, who really looks pained about something. He stands there grimacing, with Jack not noticing, and finally Sawyer says, "I screwed her." Nice. This was the source of confusion between me and my wife, as it sounds kind of like he was saying it as though there should have been an "over" at the end of the sentence. Jack's likewise confused. "That's how she got my gun. Ana. She jumped me," says Sawyer, but Jack's brain cells have apparently been dying off at a rate ten times faster than that of the average person since that Oceanic Flight 815 crashed so long ago, and he still has no idea. "We got caught in a net," explains Sawyer. Sawyer, listen to me: Kate and Jack literally GOT CAUGHT IN A NET. But at least Jack takes his meaning, and asks why Sawyer's telling him this. Bragging? "Because you're about the closest thing I got to a friend, doc," saws Sawyer, which makes me feel really sorry for Sawyer. "And because she's gone," he says, sliding a bullet into the chamber. Right, because she threatened to kill you if you told anyone, but that threat's been removed, huh? Jack manages not to burst out laughing. But Sawyer's not done. "Well, at least now we get to kill somebody," he says, and pumps his rifle, which is not a euphemism.
We get an overhead shot of Hurley and Kate digging the graves. Michael strolls up and watches them for a moment, before climbing down into a grave and grabbing one of those hollowed-out trees that have been fashioned into a kind of shovel. He asks Kate if Jack's filled her in on the plan. Kate's all, "what plan?" Michael says they're leaving first thing tomorrow, back across the island to their camp. Kate says, "That's a great plan, Michael. That's fucking ingenious, if I understand it correctly. That's a Swiss fucking watch."
Michael asks Hurley if he's coming with them. Hurley sadly asks why he'd want to go. Because they killed Libby, duh, is Michael's response, and Kate wants Michael to lay off, but Michael won't, and asks Hurley again. "I'm sorry about Walt, dude. But I'm not coming," says Hurley. "You're sorry about --!" starts an angry Michael, but a sharp word from Kate shuts him up. Hurley glares at him, and the three of them silently continue digging.
Three days ago. Nighttime in the Others' village. Michael's inside a hut, looking the worse for having spent a week and a half as a prisoner of this bunch. Miss Klugh enters the door, and chirpily tells him that it's dinnertime, and she's carrying a package wrapped in a big tropical leaf. An exhausted Michael asks when they're going to kill him. She doesn't answer him. And in case they hadn't really considered killing him, Michael starts making a pretty good case for his execution, mainly that he's seen where they live and knows how to get there. "You have been asking me questions I don't know the answer to for a week. I don't even think my son is alive," he says. Klugh says Walt is alive, and is fact standing outside right now. "What, do you think I’m stupid?" asks Michael. Klugh discreetly doesn't answer that question, but says there's been a development since Michael came to the camp (like Michael's just visiting): "One of our people was captured by yours." Michael wearily says they should just go get him back. "We can't do that. But you can. And if you do, we'll let you and Walt go free," she says. Michael looks at her and says he wants to see his son. Klugh hesitates, so Michael turns his yelliness up to eleven and starts shouting that he wants to see Walt, and if Walt is out there to bring him in. Bring him in here right now!
Klugh slowly stands up, and stares at Michael. Lot of staring this episode. After about four hours, she calls out, "Pickett!" and then tells Michael that he has three minutes.
The door opens, and Pickett, who turns out to be the Other who was taking a leak and later took some blood from Michael's arm, brings Walt in. Walt's had a growth spurt or two, which might help account for his extended absence from the season. He's taller than Michael at this point. Michael stares at him, like even Michael can't believe how much older Malcolm David Kelley looks. Michael yells for Pickett to let Walt go, and he screams, and it's Walt who wants his dad to calm down, which he does eventually. Michael asks if he's okay, if they've hurt him, but Walt's okay: "They just make me take tests," he says. "They make you what?!" yells Michael, like Walt just said, "They beat me with rubber hoses several times a day." And Klugh is all, "We're not going to talk about that!"
So instead, Walt asks Michael if Vincent is okay. As cheerily as he can, which is to say not very, Michael says that Vincent is great, and misses Walt. And he cries and tells Walt not to be scared in a way that I would imagine make Walt very afraid. Walt says, "They're not who they say they are. They're pretending!" earning a sharp rebuke from Miss Klugh, who asks Walt if he wants her to put him in "the room" again. And Michael's all "pretending what?" but Klugh says they're done; Walt breaks away from Pickett to run over and hug his dad and wails for Michael to help him and not to leave, and Michael promises to get him out of there, and it's kind of scary, and then Pickett grabs Walt and drags him off, screaming for his dad. You're a little old to be behaving this way, Walt. You must have kids of your own by now. And Walt and Michael scream "I love you!" about a million times at each other until Pickett finally carries Walt out the door, slamming it shut behind them. Michael sobs for a while, before Klugh says, impassively, "After you release our man, I'm going to need you to do something else." At this point, Michael's ready to give them whatever they want. Klugh says she's writing down four names, four of his friends. "We need you to bring them here. You have to bring only these four people, Michael. Just them. If you don't bring all the people on the list, you'll never see Walt again." I'm going out on a limb here and guessing: Sun, Charlie, Claire, Rose? Michael agrees, but wants to know what he's supposed to tell them. "Doesn't matter. Make up a story. They'll be angry enough to believe whatever you say," she says. More like they'll be stupid enough to believe whatever he says. She gives him the list. "Who's 'James Ford'?" asks Michael, and Klugh says he knows James as "Sawyer," and confirms he knows the rest of them. They are: Jack Shephard, Kate Austen and Hugo Reyes. Shit, I was way off. Michael says he does and she puts the piece of paper in his breast pocket. And he's got one more condition for doing this for them. If he does what they say… "You get your son back. You both go free," she says. Michael thinks it over. "Then I want the boat," he says. Whether she agrees to this, we don't see.
Sunset on Cemetery Beach. The Lostaways -- even the extras! -- slowly make their way down the shore to the graves. Kate pats Hurley on the back, and looks over at Sawyer, who's staring at the blanket-covered body of Ana, I presume. Locke's still sitting on the beach. He looks over at the crowd gathering for the funeral. He looks back out to the ocean again, then takes out one of his big ol' Rambo knives and cuts the bandages holding the splints on his legs. He gets to his feet, and walks down the beach away from the funeral, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He's still got a slight limp.
Jack and Sawyer are walking to the funeral together, with Jack telling Sayid that he was on Oceanic Flight 815 to bring his father home for the funeral. Sayid says he's sorry. Ah, no one's blaming ya, Sayid. Jack rambles on about how he was going to go right from the airport to the funeral, and he had no idea what he was going to say, and now here he is going to another funeral. Sayid has no idea how to respond to Jack's maudlin blatherings, so he shifts gears entirely: "I think Michael is compromised." This literally stops Jack in his tracks, so Sayid tells him to keep walking. Jack wonders why Michael would lie to them. Sayid's all, because they have his boy? Duh? Michael's already knocked out Locke and threatened to shoot Jack in order to go after his son. Sayid also believes that Michael set Henry free and that he's leading the group into a trap. "You believe a lot," says Jack. "I also believed Henry was one of them," Sayid reminds him. That's game, Shephard. Jack looks over to Michael, standing graveside, and says they should go talk to him. Sayid thinks they oughta keep it on the down-low for now, because they'll have an advantage if Michael doesn't know they know. And how would that work, Jack wants to know. "I don't know yet. But we have one more night to figure that out," says Sayid.
Jack "Stone Cold" Shephard is giving Ana-Lucia's eulogy, which is too bad. Could be worse. Could be Sawyer. Actually, come to think of it, Sawyer standing up there and saying, "I screwed her," would be kind of awesome. Jack says Ana-Lucia was a cop before the plane crash. "I don't think it was easy for her, being here, but she did the best she could." As opposed to how easy it's been for EVERYONE ELSE to be there, apparently. But it only gets worse, as Jack says Ana was a woman of few words, so he's going to follow her example. "Rest in peace, Ana," he says, and I'm halfway surprised Ana doesn't rise from the dead to kick Jack in the nuts for that crappy eulogy. Then Jack glares over at Michael, like nice poker face, Jack. But Michael doesn't notice.
Oh, man, I didn't know how good we had it, because now Hurley's going to give Libby's eulogy. It takes him forever to explain that she was a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, one of those, and she probably helped a lot of people, including him. Kate rubs his back. There, there, shut up, Hurley! He burbles on about how she was his friend, and we get to watch Michael squirm, and it's not fair this happened to her, and blah blah, and Hurley looks over at Michael, and says, "I'm going with you." Hurley says goodbye to Libby's body. Kate looks forlorn. Sayid looks like he has man-boobs, which we know he doesn't, so that's some unfortunate Hawaiian sunset lighting right there. Sun and Jin look sad. Claire looks sad, and she takes hold of Charlie's hand. Will Ferrell's got a woman on each arm, and he is totally losing his shit, crying about the injustice of death. He's REALLY broken up. Everybody stands around for a while, wondering how long they have to stand there grieving a couple of people they didn't really know that well.
Finally, Sun happens to look out to the ocean. "Boat. Boat!" she says, even though we know she's capable of more than monosyllabic English. Everybody looks, and sure enough, here comes a sailboat in on the tide. And is that the Harlem Globetrotters on board? I think it is!