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Hurley's feeling close enough to Libby that he lets her in on his secret stash of food. Not to share it with her, but because the guilt is completely tearing him up. Libby encourages him to dump it all out, instead of, you know, SHARING it with people. Fortunately (or unfortunately, from Hurley's perspective, since his weight problem is more important than crash survivors not starving to death), everyone's discovered the Dharma Initiative food drop, and it's every man for himself. Sawyer implores everybody to be civil about the scavenging, which is kind of like Ana-Lucia imploring Sayid not to shoot someone.
Oh, wait. That also happens, as Sayid whips his gun out during an intense interrogation of No Henry, who knows Zeke, who is apparently nobody compared with the real leader. No Henry tells Locke that he never entered the numbers or pushed the button, and you know what happened? Nothing. Not that Henry's all that trustworthy, but let's say for now he's telling the truth: looks like Locke owes Jack a Coke.
Hurley keeps seeing Dave (Harry from Sex and the City) on the island, his bad-influence friend from when he was in the crazy house. Dave doesn't want him to take his meds. Dave doesn't want Hurley to lose weight. Dave doesn't want the asylum pickup game to degenerate into total anarchy. But Dave's not here, man, a reveal that's telegraphed pretty blatantly, so thank god it wasn't the final twist in the episode or anything. Hurley's therapist reveals that Dave doesn't actually exist, which is not to say that Hurley stops seeing him. Hurley's mental problems stem from his blaming himself for walking onto a deck that collapsed, killing two people.
Back on the island, Hurley's Island Dave convinces him that he never actually left the hospital -- that the lotto win, the island, the hatch, Libby, everything is all in Hurley's mind, and the only way to wake up is to throw himself off a cliff into the ocean. Luckily, Libby shows up to make out with him, which, as you might imagine, convinces him not to go cliff-diving. Maybe if he'd known her when she was in the asylum with him, they could have been playing tonsil hockey then too. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
In what I hope is a continuing trend, we get no previouslys this week. I have two theories: the first is that the network is finally ready to concede that viewers can be trusted to remember what happens on this show.Naaaah.
The other is that they're going to really start screwing with continuity, so they don't want any reminders of what happened before.
Libby's power-walking across the beach, doing that perfect-posture arms-swinging thing power-walkers do that never fails to crack me up. Hurley's struggling to keep up with her, and she's kind of annoying anyway, brightly telling him that exercise is addictive. No, it's not. Junk food is addictive. Cigarettes are addictive. Exercise is hard. That's the problem.
She pauses to give him a break, and he embarrassedly says he probably needs to drop a few pounds. With genuine affection, she tells him not to be so hard on himself, because it won't happen overnight, and offers up some encouragement re: different metabolisms. But Hurley says it isn't his metabolism: "I'm sick," he says. She asks him what's wrong, and he says never mind, and starts to walk away. She stops him, and tells him he can trust her. "Okay. But...it's bad," he says, reluctantly. Endearingly bad, or bad bad?
In the jungle, Hurley's managed to build a tree pantry, using the giant tropical leaves for cover. His stash is a lot bigger than I'd figured. He tells Libby that when they crashed, he figured an upside would be his all-mango diet, and that he'd dropped a couple of belt sizes. She smiles slightly. "Then we found this hatch, and it was full of food. Tons of food," he says. Look, just because you don't have previouslys this week doesn't mean the characters get to talk to each other like they need to brought up on every plot point. Libby knows about the hatch. Anyway, Hurley says he tried to give the food away, but he kept some for himself. Oh, and they still have tons down the hatch anyway, which I'd still like explained. "Wish I could just get rid of it," he says. "Then get rid of it," she says. He doesn't understand her Dr. Phil common-sense approach, so she reaches for a huge jar of the ubiquitous Dharma Initiative Ranch Dressing, like how many bags of goddamn Dharma nachos are there anyway? Is Libby going to help him gather it up and bring it to the other Lostaways, saying something simple like they found some more food? No, they're going to rip open every package and spill out every bottle right there on the jungle floor, because it's better to help Hurley shore up his self-esteem than make sure dozens of crash survivors don't starve to death. Give me a break.
They manage not to get any food on each other, but they're laughing and having a good time, and she asks him how he feels, and he says he feels free, and then they hug, and then she starts caressing his hair, and they're gazing into each other's eyes.
Before they can kiss, though, Jin and Sun go racing by, Jin yelling excitedly, Sun explaining that "they found something," and then more Lostaways go racing by, all extras, who really make the most of ad libbing as per the director's instructions to "act excited," perhaps thinking this is a good chance to strut their stuff and earn a larger role in Season 3. Fortunately for Hurley, no one notices that the jungle floor looks like the set from Animal House 2: Deltas in Paradise.
Libby and Hurley follow the crowd, and they come upon the supply drop of Dharma food that Jack, Kate, Ana-Lucia, Sayid, and Charlie all already knew about at least the night before and apparently didn't do anything about; nevertheless, there's Charlie acting all surprised as he digs through the boxes and comes up with Dharma Risotto.
Hurley's dismayed, and so is Libby, since that's going to be an awful lot more food for them to waste. She asks where this came from, and there's Charlie saying that Locke said the blast doors came down last night, trapping him in the hatch, and he instantly theorizes that it was to prevent hatch people from seeing the drop. He asks if anyone saw a plane last night, and Sawyer sarcastically says he did (and he calls Charlie "Tattoo"), and just decided to keep it to himself. If I understand Sawyer's point, it's that Sawyer would never do anything that wasn't in the best interests of the entire group.
Predictably, fights are starting to break out over who gets what, and Sawyer, for god's sake, is the voice of reason, calling for more order. I think they'd all be better served by tying Sawyer up and splitting all the food up amongst themselves. While not quite willing to go that far, Charlie wants someone more trustworthy to take care of things. "Like you, baby-napper?" says Sawyer. No, like Hurley, who did it before!
Hurley vehemently protests, and everybody looks at him, because I'm sure whatever Hurley is saying would be more interesting to the crash survivors than gathering up food. Libby steps in on his behalf, saying she's sure everyone can be trusted to take just what they need, which is awfully naive of her, if for no other reason that nobody knows how long they're even going to be there. Sawyer puts it thusly: "Great plan, Moonbeam. And after that we can sing Kumbaya and do trust falls!"
Hurley's preoccupied, however, because he sees Harry from Sex and the City through the crowd of scavengers. Harry is staring right at him, and he smiles and nods knowingly at him. An apprehensive Hurley makes his way over to the other side of the supply drop, and naturally Harry's no longer there, despite the spin-cam's best efforts to find him. He's now off to the side, grinning at Hurley. Then he turns away and slowly walks into the jungle. After a moment, Hurley follows him. Libby watches him leave.
Hurley breaks into a trot as he tries to chase down Harry, and Hurley's forced to admit defeat when he falls on his face. Lest we're supposed to think this is all in Hurley's mind, right near where he's fallen is a grey slipper, which apparently came off Harry's foot. And the way the music swells and Hurley says, "Oh, man," you'd think Harry's severed foot was still inside it.
Hurley's sitting on the beach, staring at the slipper while he spins it around in his hand. Libby strolls up and says hey, and asks what he's doing ("nothin'"), and who he was looking for up there ("no one"). She does not ask who that guy was that Hurley was following. She does not ask about the slipper Hurley's holding, which the camera very conspicuously follows as he puts it down on the sand beside him. She starts to say that when he ran off, it sort of looked like he was looking for someone. The number of people deducing that Hurley's hallucinating is going up by the second, I have to figure -- if not because of his already-established mental problems, then because of the general hallucinating that goes on on this island. Anyway, Hurley doesn't want to talk about what he was doing, so Libby starts in with how it's like the island doesn't want him to lose weight, since right after he destroyed his stash, they find more food. "How 'bout that," says a distinctly unamused Hurley. Libby says she's proud of him, and he asks why. "For not freaking out," she says. Hurley stares straight ahead as we flash back...
…to a psychiatrist's office, with Hurley being asked how the diet is going. "It's going okay," says Hurley, saying he had a chicken breast and some salad for lunch. "It gets easier, I promise," says the doctor, who's probably never bought pants with a waist bigger than 34. The doctor asks how Hurley's visit with his mom went, and Hurley says it was good. "You're not still mad at her," leads the doctor, which Hurley acknowledges, saying he knows his mom put him in there for a reason: the accident (of which we know nothing yet). The doctor asks if he wants to talk about that now. Hurley's reluctant. "Hugo, you've been here almost two months now; don't you think it's time to start getting our hands dirty?"
Hurley says nothing, so the doctor changes gears again and asks if Hurley did his homework. Man, if I were crazy, the last thing I'd want would be for my doctor to give me homework. Hurley didn't do it, though, since he was never any good at it, he says, even if it's something as simple as listing the things he likes about himself. Hurley protests that no one else had to do it. "'Nobody else,' meaning?" prompts the doctor. "Well, Dave didn't do it. He said it was a stupid idea." The doctor says he's not Dave's doctor. "But we have talked about how he can be a very negative influence," he says. I'm kind of on Dave's side here, though, and it's Hurley's opinion that Dave's the most normal person in the joint. But he doesn't want you to change, does he? asks the doctor, and it took me an inordinate amount of time to remember this guy was in the X-Men movies.
In some crappy gym, the inmates have a pickup game of basketball going as Hurley strolls in. There's Dave, in the same ratty bathrobe and pyjamas he was wearing when Hurley "saw" him on Craphole Island. He's yelling at the other inmates, and how nice for me to find out that my wife thinks this is pretty much how I'd behave if I were playing pickup basketball in a mental institution. But come on! That guy in the orange is totally travelling! And then he steps out of bounds! It doesn't bother me if you're crazy, but that's no excuse for cheating! Anyway, the other inmates are paying Dave no mind, which could be for any number of reasons, with the main one being that he's kind of a dick. He spies Hurley, and strolls over, asking Hurley if he wants in the game, because probably no one will even notice. Hurley's kind of spaced out, so Dave says, "What's the matter with you?" all sensitive-like. Hurley says, "Nothing," and at any rate, Dave starts yelling, "Dude! Dude, give up the rock!" like he's at Rucker Park or something, and someone does indeed pass the ball, but right over Dave's head to Hurley, but to be fair Dave is barely four feet tall and I wouldn't be passing to a card-carrying member of the Lollipop Guild if he were on my team either. Dave yells some more about this, in vain.
Anyway, Dave wants to blow because it's "taco night" and Hurley says his doctor (whose name turns out to be Brooks) says Dave is a bad influence. Dave responds to this with a hearty, "Well, duh!" and then tells Hurley not to let the psychobabble get in his head, because there are more important things to worry about, like hard or soft shell, chicken or shrimp, and...well, that's just great. Now I want a taco. Then Dave starts speaking in Spanish, which I recognize because I know the word amigo, but I couldn't completely make out what he was saying, something about tacos, whatever those are.
Down the hatch, Jack's examining Locke's leg, like it's about damn time, since it was night when they confronted Gale in the last episode, and now it's the daytime. Locke's able to wiggle the toes on both his feet, but the ones on his right foot give him a little bit of difficulty. He asks Jack if his leg is broken. "Without an X-ray, you're just going to have to do with my best guess," says Jack.
Kate's there too, because she loves Jack again now, like she should just carry a sign around with her at all times, with a picture of Sawyer on one side and a picture of Jack on the other, to denote her status. Jack decides that Locke does indeed have a hairline fracture, and he'll have to be off his feet for a couple of weeks. He starts to say that there's a wheelchair, and Locke is all, "I know! I mean, 'no'! No wheelchair!" Essentially. Jack and Kate are kind of surprised by his outburst, so Kate suggests the crutches they found in the fuselage, which Locke agrees to, so Kate scurries off to get them.
While Jack dresses Locke's leg, Locke says, "He could have escaped," practically to himself. He tells Jack that during the lockdown, Henry could have escaped if he wanted to; so why did he come back to help Locke? "He didn't come back to help you, John; he came back because he thought his story was gonna check out," says Jack, sounding slightly annoyed. Not that he's wrong.
Cut to Faux Henry, in the armoury, only now he's actually strung up, his wrists tied, and he looks like the clichéd cartoon prisoner hanging in a dungeon; all he needs is the long beard to show us how long he's been there. He's trying to tell a very skeptical Sayid that the real Henry Gale, the one who was dug up in the grave, was already dead. "Four months ago. I was part of the search party. Henry Gale? Was hanging out of the basket, neck broken." Ana-Lucia strolls in during this, and Sayid gives her a little "wasssup?" hand gesture, and then turns his attention back to Henry, helpfully finishing the story for him: that Faux Henry then buried him and put up the marker? Ana-Lucia looks quite skeptical. That's right, says Faux Henry. "You really should have checked his wallet before you did that," says Sayid, calmly pulling out an American twenty-dollar bill. He theorizes that "Henry Gale did not have any paper on which to compose his thoughts. So he had to improvise." Faux Henry's eyes have gotten wide, like, "I coulda had twenty bucks? Damn!" Sayid reads from the note, which is addressed to a "Jennifer," and notes that she was right, that crossing the Pacific isn't easy: "I guess I owe you a beer." Henry says that he's going to hike to one of the beaches to start a signal fire, but if Jennifer's reading this, he must not have made it (poor Jenny ain't going to get her beer). Henry finishes with, "I love you, Jenny. Always have, always will. Yours, Henry." Sayid's voice chokes just the tiniest bit as he reads this last bit. He folds up the bill and puts it away, and then asks Faux Henry how the real Henry Gale could have written that if his neck was broken. Great. Another island mystery for us to solve. I -- oh, wait, he's being sarcastic. Faux Henry frantically says that it wasn't him, that he didn't kill Henry. "You don't understand!" he says. Sayid wants to know how Faux Henry knew Gale's wife's name; did he interrogate him? Faux Henry stammers. "How many of you are there?" Faux Henry's gotten real scared: "If I told you about them, you have no idea what he'll do." Sayid's all, "he"? And Ana says, "You mean their leader. The guy with the beard." "Him? He's no one. Nothing." And this is about as illuminating as he's going to get, so Sayid thinks back to his torture training, which apparently uses DVD sets of various seasons of <24 to get the Jack Bauer technique down; he pulls out a gun and says Faux Henry has three seconds to answer his question: "How many of you are there?" Ana-Lucia seems to be cautioning Sayid against this, and Ana-Lucia not wanting someone's ass to get a cap all busted in it is kind of like Sawyer calling for an end to looting. Oh, wait. So Sayid counts to three, while Faux Henry screams and yells, and he pulls the trigger -- but Ana-Lucia pushes his arm aside at the same time, and I guess fortunately no one was hit by the ricochet either.
Locke yells from his bed that he heard a gunshot, and Jack goes running into the armoury, where Ana-Lucia has disarmed Sayid and says it's fine, but Jack needs to get Sayid out of there. Sayid's all, "Never mind, I'll show myself out." And Locke's yelling the whole while, but everyone's ignoring him, at least until Jack stomps over and snaps, "I've got it covered, John." Ana-Lucia glares at Faux Henry, who thanks her, and she just tells him to shut up and stomps out of the armoury, slamming the door shut behind her.
Eko's sawing logs, literally, when Charlie strolls up dragging what appears to be the wooden pallet from the Dharma supply drop, saying he thought maybe Eko could use it. Eko says that's very thoughtful, and asks if Charlie wants to help. "What are you making?" asks Charlie. Eko just tells him to hold the end of the log. Charlie does as he's told, and asks, "Is it a Starbucks?" which, if it is, would go a long way towards the theory that the Lostaways are actually in hell. Starbucks has finally come to sleepy Fort McMurray, only they can't find enough help to staff them properly, so you have to wait like fifteen minutes in line for its overpriced pseudo-coffee anyway. Eko barely pauses in his sawing to look up at Charlie, and then just asks him to carry a log. "Are you gonna tell me?" asks Charlie, kind of indignantly. Eko waits a long, long time before saying, "Not right now." This season, even?
Hurley's clutching Dave's slipper, while trying to track him through the jungle. I have to figure that if Hurley can find the one tree frog (now thankfully extinct) on the entire island, a crazy bald guy in a bathrobe shouldn't pose too much of a challenge.
Oh, wait; Hurley's just making his way back to where the Dharma supplies were dropped off, and there's nothing left, save one box of Dharma "Fish Crackers" that's wedged under a log. He picks it up, stares at it, hesitates -- and then rips it open, and starts stuffing handfuls into his mouth. He pauses when he realizes someone -- Dave -- is watching him. He slowly turns around, his mouth full of fish crackers. He stares at Dave a moment before yelling, "You're not here!" with his words muffled by the cracker crumbs spitting out of his mouth.
Dave says nothing, just reaches down and picks up what I thought was a rock but I guess is a misshapen coconut of some kind, and hucks it at Hurley, earning an "oof!" and more fish cracker crumbs spraying over the jungle ground. Dave picks up another coconut, but instead of throwing it, turns and runs into the jungle, like, the end zone's that-away.
Hurley gives chase, and bursts through the trees into Charlie and Eko's construction zone, which really should be fenced off with boards (with peepholes so passing Lostaways can watch what's going on). Winded, he stops to catch his breath. Charlie asks if he's okay, and Hurley asks if either of them saw a guy in a bathrobe run by carrying a coconut. Not that it's not an odd question, but Charlie decides to be a dick about it and say that he saw a "polar bear on Rollerblades with a mango." Thank god Eko can be civil and say he didn't see anything. "Yeah, me either," says Hurley, and we head into flashback.
Hurley's playing Connect 4 with Leonard, who is, as we last saw him, muttering those damn numbers over and over again. He's also whipping Hurley's ass. Dave's watching, and it's his theory that Lenny's using his "magic numbers" as a distraction, and he laughingly says he's on to Lenny's "juju," but Hurley says they're just numbers. Yes, numbers that will ruin your life. And then Dave freaks out because Hurley's mid-afternoon snack is a plate of celery. I love celery, but Dave would prefer that Hurley steal one of Leonard's graham crackers: "What's he gonna do, call you a 23?" So Hurley snags one, and scarfs it down.
on the bad-influence checklist is getting Hurley not to take his medicine, dropped off by "Nurse Lazenby." Dave says that if Hurley wants to get out of here, he shouldn't take the "horse tranquilizer." Hurley starts to talk about what Dr. Brooks says, but Dave interrupts him: "Dr. Brooks does not care about you, man; he's the one prescribing that crap!" Dave then asks what the pills are; they're two largish blue ones. "Clonazepam," says Hurley. But the pharmaceutical lesson is interrupted by Dr. Brooks showing up, cheerfully asking Hurley if there's something wrong with his meds. Hurley says that he and Dave (he nods his head in Dave's direction) were just "talking about stuff." The doctor apologizes for interrupting, and then says hello to Dave, and the two of them speak as if they completely hate each other. And the doctor just happens to have his camera there because he's taking pictures for the bulletin board, so Hurley and Dave get right in close, Hurley putting his arm around Dave, who throws some devil horns with his hands because that's how much of a bad influence he is, and Brooks snaps the picture, and the Polaroid spits it out right away, only we won't see that Dave isn't actually in the picture, or is possibly a vampire, for a little while yet. Brooks then "casually" asks if Hurley needs some water for his pills, and Hurley says no, and tosses them back, and is CLEARLY holding his breath as the doctor leaves, like you'd think Brooks would have some experience with patients only pretending to take their meds, but he happily walks off. Dave's a little pissed, at least until Hurley sticks his tongue out, the clonazepam obligingly sticking to it, and Dave gives Hurley an admiring, "Dude!" and Hurley gives the compliment an acknowledging "dude." "The revolution has begun, man. Lay low. When the time is right, we fly." Yeah, "revolution." Dave sounds like your hippie college dormmate, for whom "revolution" meant getting high and listening to Phish bootlegs. Oh, and Hurley, you can breathe again.
On Craphole Island, Sawyer has cracked open a bag of Dharma Chocolate Cream Cookies, which, I see with relief, are "fully hydrogenated." They're Dharma's Oreo rip-off, and Sawyer is attempting to do the cookie separation thing that's really only advisable if you're eating the real thing; he totally fucks it up. "You gotta twist it," says Hurley, strolling up. This is Sawyer we're talking about, so he makes a snide comment about how that's what he gets for not going to the expert in the first place. Then he calls Hurley "deep dish," and asks what he needs. Hurley says he's looking for something, but Sawyer says he's done trading: "I got enough food now to open a chain of Mini Marts," he says, then thinks for a moment. "Hey, you think Sayid needs a job?" Is it possible to not be a racist and still laugh at that? Man, I sure hope so. I'm thinking that, more than anything, Sawyer just relishes playing up his redneck past. He decides to help when Hurley brings up the tree frog, like Sawyer's really worried about it getting around that he killed the thing. Because people might not like him if they know? Everyone has this rose-coloured image of what a great guy Sawyer is, and this is a dirty little secret? Hurley says he needs some clonazepam. Since it's not a treatment for venereal disease, Sawyer hasn't heard of it. "So you can calm down, or for when you're seeing things...that aren't supposed to be there," says Hurley, really self-consciously. Sawyer sounds genuinely interested when he asks what Hurley's seeing. Bald guy in a bathrobe, says Hurley. Sawyer looks over Hurley's shoulder. "You mean like that guy there?" he says, completely suckering Hurley, who whips around. Sawyer starts to snicker, so Hurley goes berserk, shoving Sawyer, and the two of them fall into Sawyer's tent, collapsing the tarp on top of them.
What we see is what could very well be a wild boar covered with a tarp, and Sawyer periodically crawling out from underneath, only to be pulled back in. It's almost like a cartoon. I love it. Sun and Jin hop out of their nearby tent to see what the rhubarb is, and when Hurley flings the tarp off of himself, they break out into broad smiles. Jin in particular is enjoying the pummeling, so he's slow to respond when Sun decides enough is enough and urges him to break it up. Still smiling, he jogs over and does his best to pull a ferocious Hurley off Sawyer, who's yelling, "What's the matter with you?" He staggers to his feet, and snaps, "You crazy!" A spent Hurley says quietly that he's not crazy. But it sounds like he's not quite convinced of that himself.
Kate's on the beach, leaning on the crutches she was supposedly getting for Locke. No rush, princess, he just can't WALK or anything. But hearing the story of Hurley pummeling Sawyer is too much for her to pass up. "Try to contain yourself, Freckles," snaps Sawyer, who's busy trying to put his tent back up. Kate, smiling, says she's just concerned because it looks like Sawyer got his ass kicked. Sawyer's really not interested in examining that particular angle, suggesting if Kate doesn't have an adventure somewhere to get to: "I think Timmy fell down a well over that way." Kate also wonders why Hurley would do that, like isn't there a whole host of reasons that any one of the Lostaways could use as excuses for attacking Sawyer? If Kate wants a reason, how about "karma"? Kate just doesn't know why he'd do that for no reason. Sawyer tells her to just go off and have her giggle, but to steer clear of Hurley. "The man is crazy." And he don't mean crazy in love. Think you might want to bring Locke his crutches now, Kate?
Hurley's packing up a backpack when Libby runs up, wanting to know what happened with Sawyer: "You beat him up?" Hurley does not want to talk about it, especially when he's stuffing a huge tub of Dharma Initiative Peanut Butter into his backpack. Libby smiles at him, somewhat sadly, but again with genuine compassion. Hurley notices her looking at him. "That's a lot of peanut butter," she says gently. Hurley says he's going to need a lot of protein where he's going. And where's that? "Back to the caves. No one lives there anymore, so I won't bother anybody. I'm going to live alone, be one of those guys. You know, the crazy guys. With the big beard and no clothes, who's naked and throws doody at people." I'm sorry, did he just say "doody"? Libby pleads with him not to go, but he says she can't help him, that no one can.
Hurley's walking through the jungle. From behind him, he hears the sound of fabric ripping, and the bottom of the backpack tears open, dropping the peanut butter on a rock; it breaks, spreading its creamy goodness all over the ground. Hurley grabs a big leaf, and uses it to try to pick up as much of the peanut butter as he can -- and then shoves it in his mouth, looking miserable the whole time. And just like when he was eating the "fish crackers," he senses someone watching him. Again, it's Dave, standing right in front of him. "You're not here!" yells Hurley, which earned him a coconut in the gut last time, so he might want to be careful. Dave just stands there smirking. "You're in the hospital. You can't be here," says Hurley, a lot less confidently. "Sorry, dude. I'm here," says Dave, who doesn't look sorry at all.
Back in Dr. Brooks's office, Hurley has apparently FINALLY done his homework. He's reading from his piece of paper, which is folded and creased so badly that I bet Dr. Brooks deducts marks. "I like that I have a good relationship with my mom. I like making my Grandpa Tito laugh. I like chicken," he says. Brooks points out that the last one isn't about him. "I like that I like chicken?" offers Hurley. Heh. Brooks asks him how it felt to write that, if it was difficult. Hurley says he might have messed up some spelling, but Brooks is getting at the fact that Hurley didn't say anything about the way he looks. "Are you comfortable with your appearance?" he asks. Well, maybe not after hearing your tone of voice, doctor. Hurley shruggingly says that he can't really do anything about it, and Brooks tilts his head in an "oh, really?" no-bullshit way. Very, very haltingly, Hurley says, "If I, uh...if I...wasn't so fat...they never would have...died." Brooks watches him carefully. Hurley looks like he's just about to burst into tears; Brooks leans forward and gently tells him that there were twenty-three people on a deck built to hold eight. Sure it wasn't fifteen, sixteen, or forty-two people? "And it would have collapsed whether you went out there or not," says Brooks. "Yeah, but I did walk out there. And it did collapse. I killed them," says an anguished Hurley. Brooks reminds Hurley that after the accident, he was almost catatonic: "You stopped talking, you stopped going out, you stopped sleeping...but you never stopped eating. Because that's how you punish yourself." And also stay alive, though, right? Hurley's having trouble with this, and he tells Brooks that Dave's right about him, that Brooks is nothing but a quack. This doesn't bother Brooks a whole lot; he leans back in his chair. "Dave doesn't want you to lose weight, does he?" Hurley angrily says that Dave cares about him, that Dave is his friend.
Brooks resignedly stands up, and is all "your friend, huh?" He retrieves a file folder from his desk, and says he's going to show him something that might upset him. My initial reaction was thank GOD they weren't leaving this reveal for the end of the episode; I suppose the writers guessed most people would have figured it out by now. Brooks hands Hurley the picture he took for the bulletin board; Hurley looks at it, and his eyes go wide. "Dave isn't your friend, Hugo, because Dave doesn't exist." The music swells as Hurley stares at a picture of himself with his arm draped out as if around someone's shoulder, but there's no one there. Are we sure Dave isn't just a vampire? Hurley is presumably also amazed that the doctor took the picture while there was sunshine streaming through the windows; the people in the picture would have been quite underexposed, but the doctor has a magic camera that reverses it so that the windows are pitch black somehow.
We pan down from pictures of Hurley's mama and his grandfather on his dresser to the bed, where Hurley's sleeping facedown. We hear a "Pssst! Wake up, dude!" and Dave's there, drumming on Hurley's back. Hurley groggily turns over. "Finally! You could sleep through a NASCAR race, dude!" says Dave. Three hours of cars turning left? Think I could catch some shut-eye myself. Since he's learned that Dave's not here, man, Hurley's somewhat distressed to see him standing there, and tells Dave he's just a hallucination. So Dave slaps him. Hurley thinks maybe he just imagined Dave slapped him, so Dave slaps him again and says they could do this all night. Hurley should introduce Dave to Sawyer, is what I'm thinking. So Hurley tells Dave about the picture in which his arm is draped around nothing but air, and Dave says, "Kinko's? PhotoShop? What, you think they really blew up the Death Star?" and Hurley says, "No," like they both believe that the Death Star is still out there or something. Hurley either doesn't know anything about PhotoShop, or Lost takes place in an alternate universe where the latest version of PhotoShop somehow prints out pictures on Polaroid film, because he accepts Dave's explanation, and when Dave heads to the door and says, "Are you in or out, dude?" Hurley gets out of bed and follows him out into the hall.
Walking down the corridor, Dave helpfully points to a tray outside another patient's door and says Marcus didn't finish his lasagna, and asks if Hurley wants one for the road. Hurley doesn't need much convincing, and snacks on the food as they head to the stairs. From there, they can look down to where a security guard is in his cage. Dave says to wait for it, and a second later, the guard checks his watch and then heads out, presumably to patrol the grounds. Dave asks Hurley for "tippy-toes, big guy," and then says, "Vamonos."
They make their way into what looks like the common room and head for a padlocked window. Not to worry, because Dave reminds Hurley that he took the keys off Brooks's desk earlier. This is news to everyone; even Hurley seems sort of surprised, but he fishes the keys out and opens the inner window, and pushes the outer window open. They smell the open air, which Dave smells like freedom, and asks if Hurley knows what smells even better than freedom. Lt. Col. Frank Slade, you shut up. The answer is "cheeseburgers."
Dave climbs onto the sill and drops onto the ground outside. He starts cackling; Hurley still looks unsure about the whole business. "Come on, man! Chili fries on me!" he says, but Hurley says he doesn't think he can do this, since Dave's not actually real and he's just the part of Hurley that wants cheeseburgers (don't forget chili fries!). Dave angrily asks if Hurley took the pills, and Hurley says he didn't but he's just not coming. "Look, you don't want me to get better. You don't want me to change," he says, and Dave says Hurley doesn't need to change, because he's fine. And also great, in fact! But Hurley says he's not: "You just want me to stay fat. You don't want me get better. You wouldn't care if I ate myself to death." Dave tells him not to do this, and adds that if Hurley doesn't come with him now, then he's never getting out of the institution. Hurley thinks about this, and just says, "Bye, dude." He closes the window, and locks it, leaving Dave standing there, mouth open.
Back on Craphole Island, Hurley's got his eyes shut tight. He opens them, and looks up hopefully. Dave's still standing in front of him. So he screws his eyes shut again, and opens them back up. No dice. Dave there. Jessica Alba (for example) not there. Dave dryly asks if Hurley wouldn't happen to have his slipper. Which Hurley does, and he resignedly hands it over to him. Dave sits down beside him, and then bitches that Hurley got peanut butter on his slipper. Then he says he knows Hurley's freaking out right now, but things are going to get worse before they get better. This does not sound like good news to Hurley. Dave asks if he's ready. Hurley nods, almost imperceptibly. Dave asks if Hurley remembers the night he closed the window on him, what he did after that night. Hurley says, "I realized that you were imaginary." Dave nods. Hurley says that was the breakthrough, and then later Brooks let him out, he went home to live with his mom, he got his job at Mr. Clucks back. "And I got better!" Dave's had his smirk on for everything Hurley has said, starting with "breakthrough," and now is all, "Here's the thing: none of that ever happened." Hurley's all, "What?" Dave says, "You're still at Santa Rosa, man. You never left the hospital."
Somewhat understandably, Hurley doesn't respond too well to this news. Dave says he knows it's hard. "All this, you, me, this island, that peanut butter -- none of it's real, man! It's all in your head, my friend." Dave says that when Hurley closed the window, his brain "popped a gasket" and he went back into his "coma thing," which is where Dave says Hurley is right this very second, in his "own private Idaho," which I understand is a movie, but how it applies here I am quite unclear. Isn't that about male prostitutes? Sounds like Hurley's flashbacks could possibly be a whole lot more interesting than they are right now. Hurley starts talking about his mom, and Johnny, and tells Dave that he won the lottery. Incredibly insincerely, Dave says, "Wow! Awesome, dude!" and he asks what numbers he played. Hurley gets this look like, "Okay, but you're going to make a big deal about this," but Dave is already answering him with, "Leonard's numbers! What a coincidence!" and Dave asks if he's seen the numbers anywhere else. Hurley quietly says, "The hatch!" Dave's all, bingo! The hatch! Where you have to push a little button every 108 minutes or the world ends. Oh, and by the way, what's the code for the button? The numbers!" But I got better, says Hurley, not very confidently. He says he's changed. Dave tells him to look at himself: "You've been on a deserted island for two months and you haven't dropped ten pounds! How is that even possible, man?" Hurley says he had a stash of food, but he's destroyed it, and he's been exercising, and Libby says things won't happen overnight. Dave starts snickering when Hurley brings up Libby, calling her the "mega-cute blonde chick who magically appeared from the other side of the island. Oh, oh, oh yeah, and just happens to have the hots for you." There's so much contempt in that last bit. Hurley looks defeated. Dave stands up and says they should take a walk, and offers Hurley his hand.
As they stroll through the jungle, Hurley's having some trouble with the idea that this is all in his head. "Every rock, every tree. Every tree frog," says Dave. Hurley doesn't tell him that there are no longer any tree frogs on this island. Dave says the Santa Rosa Dave was real, but that Dave is probably "bouncing from hot chick to hot chick." So I'm making you up, asks Hurley, as they stop for a moment. Dave says that's "sorta" true, but Dave is really part of Hurley's subconscious, as are all the people on the island. "What part of me are you?" asks Hurley. "I'm the part of you that wants to wake up," says Dave, who turns away and tells Hurley to follow him, and they come out onto a coastal cliff, which Dave says is "the big finale," the way for him to snap out of it. Hurley gingerly looks over the cliff, and says he doesn't want to kill himself. "Who said anything about killing yourself, man? This is going to bring you back to life?" Dave says Hurley's gotta tell his mind that he doesn't believe any of this. "So if I..." says Hurley, looking over the cliff again, and he can't even say it, "...all this will be gone? I'll just wake up?" That's right, says Dave, clapping Hurley on the shoulder. "And when you do wake up, come find me. I'm sure I miss ya."
With that, Dave strolls over the edge of the cliff, turns towards Hurley, and says, "See you in another life," and falls backward, cackling all the way down, while Hurley screams. Don't worry; he'll just land on the bodies of all the viewers who just got frustrated waiting for things to develop.
Looks like Kate finally got her ass back to the hatch; Locke's making his way across the floor on his crutches towards the armoury. Ana-Lucia's taking apart a gun, which for her is like some kind of lovemaking. Locke asks if Jack's back yet. She tells him he's at the beach telling everyone that they've caught an Other. Sure he is. "Something tells me people have a lot of questions about our houseguest." I guess people ask all their questions off-camera, huh? Locke says he wants to talk to Faux Henry, but Ana says she doesn't think "that's on today's program." Wow, she sure feels comfortable here now, doesn't she? Jack says, "all due respect," he doesn't much care what she thinks. She just looks at him, like, what ya gonna do about it? Likely coming to the conclusion that with him gimped back up, he's probably not getting in there without her letting him. So he asks for five minutes.
Ana opens the door, and Locke hobbles inside. He glares at Faux Henry. "What's your name? Your real name." Faux Henry says he should just keep calling him Henry: "I've gotten used to it." I'm afraid that solution just ain't gonna fly on the boards, so the sooner you come up with something that lends itself to a witty topic title, the better. Locke wonders if he got caught on purpose -- he's suspicious because Henry and his people have been here for "God knows how long," and yet Henry got caught in a net? What's up with that? "God doesn't know," says Henry. He looks up and stares at Locke. I guess since he's been found out, he feels free to act as creepy as he'd like. "God doesn't know how long we've been here, John. He can't see this island any better than the rest of the world can." He's saying it like he's not far removed from "it puts the lotion on its skin" behaviour. He asks Locke what possible reason he would have for putting himself through this. "Maybe your people were looking for this place," says Locke. "This place? This place is a joke, John!" says Henry. You think this place is bad? You should see Arrow station. Now, that place is a hole. In a voice that can barely be described as toneless, Henry describes how during the lockdown he crawled through the vents and stood at the computer as the alarm beeped, and let the timer run all the way down to zero, and the hieroglyphs started flipping around. "And then things got real interesting. There was a loud clunking and a hum like a magnet -- a big magnet. It was really very frightening," he says, asking if Locke knows what happened . Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. "Your timer just flipped back to 108. I never entered the numbers. I never pressed the button." Oh, I'm sure the Others' hatch causes Armageddon, but Swan station sucks, is that it? After a moment, Locke says Henry's lying. "No, I'm done lying," says Henry. Which isn't true if he's still lying, though. Then they have a staring contest, and Locke loses.
Hurley's yelling "Daaaave!" down at the surf. Looks like he's been taking name-screaming classes from Michael. ["Who?" -- Sars] Libby shows up and asks him who Dave is. Hurley's all freaked out, wanting to know what she's doing here, and how she knew where he was. "Jin saw you while he was fishing," she says, and Hurley thinks he's caught her in a lie because Jin doesn't speak English, but Libby offers the very reasonable explanation that Sun translated. She asks Hurley what's going on. He says she's just the part of him that's scared: "You don't want me to wake up. Well, guess what? I'm not scared!" He's not very convincing, especially as he's taking a couple of steps backwards towards the edge. Libby says she "gets" that he's having a panic attack, but this isn't like him. "Like me? You don't know me," says Hurley. Libby says she was starting to. Hurley decides to speed up the process by telling her he's so fat that he's killed two people, and that he has an imaginary friend. I had an imaginary dog once. It ran away. How fucking sad is that.
Libby's worried that Hurley's going to hurt himself, but Hurley says he won't because none of this is happening; he's just imagining it. "Why would you say that?" asks Libby. "Because in real life, no girl like you would ever like me," is Hurley's answer. I suppose this is meant to be heartbreaking, but that assumes that the audience has forgotten Starla, just because Hurley seems to have. The other interesting thing is I guess there are no reruns of The Drew Carey Show where Hurley lives.
Hurley continues: "Remember when I said I knew you from somewhere? Well, maybe it's because I made you up." Libby's all, I'll show you made up. She takes some tentative steps towards Hurley, looking rather nervous at her proximity to the cliff, and asks him what the name was of the man who broke his leg on the other side of the island. Hurley doesn't know. "You don't know. You know why? Because it happened to me. His name was Donald, and I buried him." Then she yells at Hurley because she's buried a lot of people, so for her to say he made it -- and her -- up is insulting. If she doesn't cool down, she might have to bury Hurley, too. Well, as long as she doesn't try the Sgt. Martin Riggs method of jumper negotiation.
Hurley's thinking about this as she lectures him, and once she's done, he says, "When you saw me on the beach this morning, was I holding a slipper?" Libby's kind of surprised by the non sequitur, but she says no, not that she can remember. Then she takes Hurley's face in her hands: "I am real. You're real. The way I feel about you, that's real. The big wet one I'm about to plant on you -- that's real." And then she does that. "And that was real," she says. Hurley says maybe she should do that one more time just to be sure. She smiles, and then asks if he's ready to go back. Sounds like he's ready for something else, if you ask me. They both look down at the surf crashing on the rocks below, and start to head back, holding hands. "Do you really think I can, you know, change?" she says. Yeah, says Libby.
Flashback to the scene where Dr. Brooks plays his little photo trick on Hurley -- only we're watching it from a different perspective, and Dave isn't there; we see Hurley put his arm around nobody while Dr. Mind Games snaps the picture. We pull back over another table, where a woman with disheveled brown hair is sitting. It's hard to tell, but as the camera swings around to reveal that it's Libby, I don't think she's watching Hurley. Her eyes are off in another direction, and at any rate she seems pretty out of it, so I think it's too early to confirm whether she remembers Hurley (who, despite the Dave hallucinations, has thus far seemed fairly lucid and seems to remember most of his institution life pretty well). She's not too out of it to swallow a pill the nurse gives her, but she's pretty zonked (or possibly having a flashback within a flashback).