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Crazy ol' Rousseau wanders into the camp, toting her rifle and cyptic warnings of The Others. She says they're coming, and she can tell by the plume of black CGI smoke in the distance. You can run, hide, or die, she tells the lostaways, which I remember being told at summer camp once, so big deal. Everyone pitches in to get the raft ready, and Rousseau leads a dynamite-seeking expedition to Black Rock. Which is, as it turns out, a shipwrecked galleon. And after all the work Mercutio put into his raft! We don't see these so-called Others, though. And despite Arzt (not Art!), the Formerly Unknown Science Teacher Who Now Has A Starring Role, getting chased by Lostzilla (Rousseau calls it the island's "security system"), we never get to see that either. And there is yet more dithering over what to do with the hatch. So in some ways, this episode sounds like it was another tease, but it was actually a really entertaining lead-in to week's season finale, as characters say their goodbyes (because of the crew leaving on the raft) and the flashbacks jump from character to character in their final moments before boarding the fated flight. Sawyer does some work to atone for a being a lazy bastard (and he does it shirtless, so everybody wins), and he tells Jack about meeting Jack's dad, who was really very proud, et cetera. Jin and Sun have a moving, tearful reconciliation, which is great, because those two would have the best-looking children ever produced anywhere. Jin's leaving not to get away from Sun (which makes sense, because Jin's not stupid), but so that she can be saved. Aw. Best of all? Vincent's back! (Unfortunately, Walt entrusts him to Shannon, so, like, R.I.P. Vincent.) Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Walt parts the curtains in a hotel room to take in the majesty of Sydney Harbour just before dawn. And he apparently finds it boring beyond all belief, as he flicks on Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers on the hotel television, waking up Mercutio, sleeping in the other bed. Considering he missed a lot of Walt's diaper days, getting woken up at 5:30 in the morning isn't that bad, but Mercutio's probably not thinking along those lines when he grumpily wakes up. "I always watch this show," is Walt's "explanation." Mercutio asks him to at least turn it down, and Walt defiantly cranks it up (with the fake volume bars on the television screen increasing five, ten at a time). Mercutio cannot be-leeeeve this kid, and snaps at him to turn it down. Walt shouts that Bryan let him watch it as loud as he wanted, and when Mercutio points out that he's not Bryan and grabs the remote and shuts it off, Walt grabs Vincent's leash and heads for the door.Mercutio chases Walt down the hall, as Walt yells for Mercutio to get away from him, drawing attention from some of the other hotel guests. Catching him at the elevator, Mercutio says he doesn't like this any more than Walt does (NICE to say to your kid) but he's getting on that plane. And Mercutio forcibly drags Walt back to the room, telling the concerned guests that it's okay, because he's Walt's father. Walt yells that he's not, but Mercutio's word was apparently good enough for the other guests, who go back to their rooms.
And we all know how Walt and Mercutio have bonded since then. And Walt's still an early riser, as he wakes up here to his dad, and wanders over to a tree to take a morning whiz. Said tree is not far enough from the camp for my liking, however; fortunately for the health and hygiene of the rest of the beach lostaways, before he can contaminate their living area, Walt spies someone moving through the bushes. It's Rousseau, not that Walt knows her. He follows her through the trees as she approaches the camp. And so much for the neighbourhood watch instituted after Claire was kidnapped, hey? I'm giving Rousseau the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she's ignoring Walt, because given that he seems to be about six feet away from her, there's no way she couldn't see him. It's when she finally walks into the camp that she looks directly at Walt. She has her perma-crazy look on her face, and she ignores Walt and keeps walking. Walt stats shouting for his dad, waking everyone else up in the process. "Who's that?" Charlie wants to know, and Sawyer guesses that it must be the "French chick," and I suppose that's for the benefit of all the viewers who didn't just see the "previously on Lost" scenes. Sayid tells everyone that it's okay -- oh yeah? The crazy woman with the gun who blew up her own shelter rather than be found again is strolling through the camp? She's okay? He asks her what she's doing there. "The others are coming," she says. Yeah, for about twelve episodes now. Did they get lost? Get a copy of Let's Go: Craphole Island already, damn.
After the first round of commercials, we come back to Rousseau holding the lostaways enthralled with her story of a fateful ship that ran aground with her team sixteen years ago. She says she was already seven months pregnant at the time. So you were leading this expedition why? "I delivered the infant myself," she says. Wow, that's some motherly warmth. "The baby and I were together only one week, when I saw black smoke, a pillar of black smoke, five kilometres inland. That night, they came. They came, and took her. Alex. They took my baby." Charlie can't help but glance at Claire, who hugs Turniphead just a little more closely. "And now, they're coming again," continues Rousseau, the World's Worst Bedtime Storyteller Ever. "They're coming for all of you." "Who's coming?" says Jack, like, here we go again. "The others," says Rousseau. Anybody want to question her a little further? See if she says anything more than "the others" over and over again? "You have only three choices: run, hide...or die." She's so inspiring. It's like a Tony Robbins seminar.
Locke and Jack are strolling down the beach, with Jack pointing out that Rousseau is nuts; after all, she did blow up her own shelter to avoid being found again. "She's not playing with a full deck," says Jack, and Locke says that just because the woman's crazy doesn't mean she's wrong. Could maybe one of these guys at least try to remember Ethan kidnapping Claire and saying that they wanted the baby? Doesn't that make Rousseau's dire warning seem a lot less nuts and a little more, what's the phrase I'm looking for…oh yes, "already happening"? Jack says Locke can deal with "what ifs," but he prefers to deal with the tangible. Like this raft that they happen to come across with perfect timing! Jack asks Mercutio how things are going, and Mercutio says that he was hoping to shove off today, but once they get the rudder finished, they still have to lay down the rails to get it to the beach. Jack asks if it wouldn't be faster to do both jobs at once. What he doesn't point out is that the water is like ten feet from the boat, so laying the rails down isn't going to take forever. Mercutio says he has a "manpower shortage." Jack asks him what he needs. "Pretty much everybody," says Mercutio, like that's some kind of brilliant plan: if everybody on the island works together, the job will get done the fastest. Wish I'd thought of that. Jack asks for twenty minutes and scoots off.
So Jack has grabbed a group of the extras, and instructs them to get a bunch of palm tree logs, even though Mercutio's instructions weren't that specific, and take them over to the raft. And as the five extras peel off, we hear an "Okay!" and a "Let's get at 'er!" and you just know that those two extras are delivering those lines with as much gusto as they can muster in the hopes that they'll get noticed by J.J. and get an actual speaking part, like Art.
So then immediately, everyone (or at least enough of everyone to circle the raft) is using the logs as levers to lift the raft onto the rails. Even Shannon is helping, and I'd like to know how that little miracle occurred. Mercutio counts everyone in. Much grunting and straining, and good progress is made, at least until the raft gains a little momentum and goes off the rails, and I guess parts of it break. Mercutio starts yelling at Sawyer because he missed a lever or something, and Sawyer yells that it's not his fault Mercutio couldn't keep the thing straight, and you'd think both of them do this sort of thing all the time, the way they're acting like experts. Fortunately, Walt interrupts the festivities to point into the jungle, and everyone looks. Claire squints, and when she does so, she looks uncannily like Leonardo DiCaprio. I mean it. If you taped the episode, have a look, you'll see what I'm talking about. Got any ideas what they see? Yep: a long plume of black smoke. Jack stomps off in search of Rousseau.
She's shining and loading her rifle, like, what a ray of sunshine she adds to the camp, and Jack asks her how many of them are there. She says she's told them everything she knows already. Sayid says she must know more. Translation: all you've said is "the others are coming," you stupid bint. She says there's a bigger problem: she can vanish into the jungle, but she's just one person (that person being, apparently, a French ninja). "You're forty people. Where will you hide?" Locke looks at Jack.
We're at the hatch, so get set for another scintillating discussion on what's inside, and whether they should try to open it, and how they would do that, although it never ever happens. I never get tired of that. Hurley's let in on the secret now, and he gives the hatch his best "Dude. Whoa." I guess he doesn't see his magic numbers etched on the hatch's surface, though, hey? And what's the story with it lighting up while Locke was there? Rousseau, examining the structure close up, asks what it is. Jack says they were hoping she'd be able to tell them. Reasonable hope, considering what a friggin' encyclopedia's worth of information she's provided so far. This is why Hurley was brought along, apparently: to bring up concerns particular to his girth. He wants to know how they know everyone will fit in that thing. Locke says that there's no handle on the hatch, which means there's another entrance, and another entrance means there's space. Uh, what? I allow you neither premise, Locke. Now please shut up. Sayid objects again to the thought of opening the thing. "This hatch might even be theirs!" He starts to say that the black smoke doesn't necessarily mean anything, but she interrupts him to reiterate that it means they're coming, and I'm not sure where he was going with that anyway. I mean, someone is producing the smoke. Maybe orcs! Locke reminds Rousseau that she boobytrapped her shelter, and asks if she has any more dynamite. Jack gets a look on his face like maybe they'd all agreed not to bring up the overwhelming evidence of craziness. "Dynamite. By the Black Rock. The dark territory." Hurley quietly says, "Well, that's three reasons to go right there." Heh. Line reading of the night. At least it was for an hour or so, until "Yes, you're still on comms." Rousseau says that if they're to make it back by sunset, they have to leave within the hour. Jack and Locke look at each other, each of them seemingly saying, "Don't look at me, I didn't bring her here." Commercials.
Jack's drinking (take a moment to collect yourselves) at an airport bar. We know it's an airport bar, because judging from the sound effects, there is a plane landing RIGHT BEHIND JACK'S HEAD. Michelle Rodriguez sits down to him, ordering a tequila and tonic with a wedge and lemon from the bartender. Then she looks at Jack. "Why were you yelling?" she asks him. Jack, maybe because he's drunk, doesn't seem to know what she's talking about, so she reminds him that he was yelling at the woman at the check-in counter. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" he asks, and she tells him that she's on his flight, as though that makes it her business. But still he doesn't answer, so she tries being even nosier. "So your dad died, huh?" she says, and Jack says he thought she didn't hear what he was yelling about. "I was being polite," she says, so I guess Lost takes place in a universe that's slightly parallel to ours; everything's the same, except "polite" means exactly the opposite what it means it our universe. She asks how Jack's dad died, and he tells her it was a heart attack. "Not a drinker, huh?" says Michelle Rodriguez, after looking at Jack's glass, and he says, "No, not really," and I don't think lying is the best way to start this relationship. Then Michelle Rodriguez asks if he's not wearing a wedding ring because he's single or because he doesn't like wearing one, and can I just point out that there's a line between being direct and being annoyingly pushy, and Michelle Rodriguez is waving from the horizon by this point. ["And this dialogue is…yikes. Seems like they could have done better by my girl M-Rod." -- Sars] Jack says he was married, but not anymore, and Michelle Rodriguez smiles. Jack tells the bartender, "Another tequila and tonic for Michelle Rodriguez here," like, she's polished off her drink in about ninety seconds flat, so Jack might want to think twice before getting involved with another obvious boozehound. "I didn't think you were listening," says Michelle Rodriguez, "flirtingly."
Jack asks Michelle Rodriguez her name, and Michelle Rodriguez is all, "Michelle Rodriguez." And Jack wants to know why she's drinking tequila and tonic at ten to noon, like if anyone would recognize alcoholism, it's Dr. Tipsy McStagger here, and she explains that she hates flying and she got stuck at the back of the plane where the wheels come down right under your "damn feet," like get on a boat, then. Jack checks his ticket, and says he's in seat 23B, and she's in seat 42F, and she jokingly asks to trade. Then her cell phone rings, and she answers and is all, "Yeah, I'm in Sydney," and then she finds out Jack's name and apologizes, saying she needs to take this call, and says, "We'll have that drink on the plane," and Jack is all smiling at the prospect of getting even more hammered with Michelle Rodriguez on the plane. And then also having sex with her. Because this is what we think when women drink tequila in bars before noon and ask us personal questions. I like Michelle Rodriguez's smile. Before leaving, she leans in again and says, "The worst part's over." Too bad that turned out to be such a load, huh? Jack watches her leave, a half-smile on his face.
On the beach, Jack's addressing his troops. "Look, I know you're all scared. And I know everybody has a lot of questions." He says that all he can tell them is that they have a plan (they do?) and that they're going on a little trip to get some supplies, and they'll be back in a few hours. While they're gone, everybody else should help Mercutio finish the raft, and then when that's done, they should all head to the caves. Nobody even says anything, despite them apparently having "a lot of questions." As the group breaks up, everybody's favourite new character, Art, says it was a nice speech, but the plan's flawed. Jack's all, what do you know, and Art says he knows the plan is get some dynamite, blow open the hatch, and hide everyone inside. Jack stops walking, and looks at him. "You wanna keep a secret, don't tell the fat guy," Art says. Jack wants to know what he wants. Art says "God knows how long that dynamite's been out there," and points out that "Madame Nutso" doesn't seem all that concerned with safety. So unless you want to blow up, Art's coming along. Jack consents, telling Art to get some water bottles.
On the beach, Mercutio's explaining to the assembled workers that they can salvage the cable, but they're going to need new bamboo for the mast. Jin starts yammering away in Korean, and Mercutio says, "We need to fix the rudder before we even start worrying about that," which made me laugh. As they discuss the repairs, Sawyer strolls up and asks if he can help, and he gets COMPLETELY ignored, Mercutio and Jin striding right past him. "Hey, this wasn't my fault! So put me to work!" Sawyer insists, and Mercutio tells him, "No offence, but we just work faster this way, okay?" Jin's still jabbering, and Mercutio yells, "All right! All right! What do you think I'm doing over here?" Heh. Sawyer looks chagrined, which is a word I really should use more often.
And it's time for a Sawyer flashback, with him getting shoved into a seat in that same police station we saw him being dragged into during God's Friggin' Gift to Flashbacks, only this is his second visit. The cop seems to think Sawyer needs to be reminded of this. "Three nights ago, you were hauled in here thrashing and fighting," he says. Sawyer glares at him. "As you were being escorted by, you kicked my desk," the cop continues, showing Sawyer the broken mug (which has pictures of the cop's kids on it, which he's glued back together, instead of getting another one made for like five bucks). "Nice kids," says Sawyer. The cop tells him that breaking the mug wasn't the biggest mistake Sawyer made that night, saying that the man Sawyer headbutted that night was Australia's minister of agriculture, fisheries, and forestry. "He headbutted me," growls Sawyer. "We have witnesses he did no such thing," says Koala Briscoe. "Of course," says Sawyer, smiling. "You think this is funny, James?" Sawyer's smile fades. "James Ford," says the cop, opening a folder, and rattling off a long rap sheet, consisting mainly of fraud and scams. Sawyer asks if this is going somewhere. "You're a blight. A stain. A scavenger." Okay, we get it. This guy's the bad cop. The cop tells Sawyer he's a con artist who preys on the weak and the needy, and asks him how he lives with himself. Sawyer says he does just fine. The cop tells him that Sawyer's not even worth what it would cost to incarcerate him. "Which is why," the cop says, slapping an Oceanic ticket on the desk, "you're being deported." The macho posturing continues from Sawyer, even as he's being dragged away and told not to ever come back to Australia again. Sawyer tells the cop not to worry.
Back in the island, Sawyer is in the jungle, hacking away at some bamboo. He's taken his shirt off, which pleases some, and freaks out others with his sloped shoulders (they're seriously at a forty-five-degree angle). He's quite pissed, and looks to be taking out all his frustrations on the bamboo.
Moments later, the bamboo's on the ground, and Jack strolls up, asking if Sawyer was a lumberjack in real life. Sawyer, not completely unfriendly, asks if there's something he can help Jack with, 'cause he's got work to do. Then he bends over, and looks back at Jack. Um. Is he presenting? Jack hands him a gun. "You're the only one on the raft who knows how to use one," he says. Sawyer wonders what they'll need a gun for. Well, pirates, anyway. Or just use it to go fishing! Jack says it's just in case, and Sawyer asks if it's for when they run out of food and need to put Walt out of his misery, which I found really hilarious for some dark reason that I probably don't want to think about too deeply. Jack repeats, "just in case," and starts to head off. Sawyer asks what he's doing with the rest of the guns, and Jack says he's giving them to Sayid.
So Jack tries to leave again, and Sawyer, despite saying he had so much work to do, starts making small talk. "Going into the jungle after the boomsticks," he says, like, who talks like Sawyer anyway, and he says that by the time they get back, the raft will be in the water. "Guess this is goodbye, then," he says, and Jack agrees, and offers a "good luck," before once more trying to head out. And Sawyer looks all conflicted, and this is like some romantic comedy where the woman is leaving, and the guy who always just been her friend is trying to come up with the courage to tell her how he feels. Only this is going to be about Sawyer telling Jack how Jack Daddy feels. As he puts his shirt on, Sawyer tells him that about a week before he left Australia, he was in a bar drinking (I'm sure this piques Jack's interest) and started talking to this American doctor. "I've been on some benders in my time, but this guy was going for an all-time record." (Jack wonders, "Is this me? Because I don't remember this, but then I guess I wouldn't. He's talking about me!") Sawyer says it turns out this guy has a son who's a doctor too, and they'd had some big-time falling out. Jack's eyes are boring right into Sawyer. "This guy knew it was his fault, and he knew his son was back in the States thinking the same damn thing." Jack's face switches from "suspicious" to "haunted." Sawyer morphs into Dr. Phil for a second, explaining that kids are like dogs: if you beat them enough, they'll think they did something to deserve it. Jack doesn't say anything, and Sawyer explains that this guy -- "Christian," he says -- told Sawyer that he wished he had the stones to go over to the pay phone and call his kid, to tell him he's sorry, and that he's a better doctor than he'll ever be. Jack's lip practically starts quivering, and looks away. "He's proud. And he loves him," says Sawyer, quietly. Jack's facing away now, just about crying. Hell, I'm just about crying. "I had to take off," says Sawyer, watching Jack, "but something tells me he never got around to making that call." Jack shuffles his feet. "Small world, huh?" Jack finally croaks out a "yeah." "Good luck, Jack." Jack composes himself, and nods. They look at each other a moment, before turning their backs and going their separate ways, without even kissing. Commercials.
Some airport security dude is inspecting the late marshal's case of guns and ammo, asking if the marshal will be armed. He says he will be, with an ankle holster. Airport security says he'll need to stow the case in the crew luggage compartment in the front. "No problemo," he says. The security guard asks him why he needs five guns. "Gee, you wanna tell him, Kate?" says the marshal, and we see a handcuffed Kate sitting there. "Why do I need five guns?" Kate doesn't so much as look in the marshal's direction. "She's shy," he says. The guard pulls Tom's plane out of the case, and wants to know what the deal is. So the marshal says it's a good story, and the plane belonged to her childhood sweetheart, whom she got killed a couple of years ago while she was on the run. And it turns out that it's not so much a "good" story as it is a "farfetched" and "annoying" and "implausible" story, so I'm just going to gloss over it. For the sake of tying up loose ends, we're supposed to believe that Kate the fugitive started calling the marshal to taunt him. We're supposed to accept that when the marshal told Kate he had Tom's toy plane in a safe deposit box in New Mexico, she went after it. I mean, we know that she did go after it, but at the time we didn't know that Kate knew it had been placed there by the man who WAS CHASING HER. And there are some things that I guess the writers didn't smoke enough crack this week to be able to explain, as the marshal just says that Kate "somehow" found out which bank and which safe deposit box held the plane. And she concocts the plan to get the plane back, but doesn't take any money during the robbery, because the plane is the only thing she cares about? This is the same plane that Kate cares about so much that she LEFT IT BEHIND IN THE CAR IN THE FIRST PLACE. And if he told her about the safe deposit box to draw her out, shouldn't she have been caught then? This scene sucks, fuck this scene. This is like watching American Idol and you were watching Carrie but now Scott Savol has taken the stage. It's not the Kate I hate, it's her scenes. And then Kate gets into a scuffle with the marshal because she loves the plane so much, and the marshal gets to be all big man: "That's why I need five guns."
So back on Craphole Island, Kate strolls up to Jack and asks if he's heading out, and he says he is, and Kate wants to come along, "for old times' sake," whatever that's supposed to mean, and Jack is totally acting like he hates her guts for some reason, like can we please get a ruling on whether they're hot for each other or whether they can't stand each other, and Jack points out that she'll miss the raft launching, like it's the Queen Mary heading out on the ocean or something. And she says she's not very good at goodbyes, so Jack tells her to grab her stuff.
Shot of the black smoke in the distance again. Charlie's on the beach, collecting messages from the lostaways that they're stuffing in a bottle to send with the raft, and he suggests to Locke, "Dear Mom, everything's fine, I'm on the island, saw some black smoke, people turned up. Love, your name here." They have a good laugh. "Message in a bottle. That's sweet," says Locke, but he doesn't give Charlie a message. Charlie tries Hurley, who gives him a rolled-up piece of paper and tells him not to look at it, which Charlie immediately does, earning an admonishing "Dude!" from Hurley. up is Art, but he declines, saying, "I gave at the office," like, shut up, Art.
Jack's walking around the people finishing up the raft, and he and Mercutio give each other the manly hug thing, with the strong back pat, and they tell each other good luck, and Mercutio says, "See you soon." And then Jack is telling Walt to look after his dad, and Walt says he will, with that smile that kids get when they're given an important responsibility like that. And then Jack shakes hands with Jin, that extra-special handshake fraught with significance, where you go in kind of slow-motion and then the extra-firm grip, while you look each other square in the eye. Jack says good luck, and Jin says something in Korean, which is probably, "I have made great strides in bridging the language gap and have earned your trust and respect, but stay away from my hot wife, or I will turn this raft around and paddle all the way back to kill you."
Kate asks after Sawyer, because she's hot for him this week. But Charlie hasn't seen him, and now Jack calls her because they're leaving.
Beautiful rocky scenery, which reminds me of Peggys Cove in Nova Scotia, making me wistful. And they stop only for a moment, much to Hurley and Art's chagrin, who I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that they're not used to such hikes. They stop just long enough for Rousseau to take off her outer shirt and tie it around her waist, and Locke notices three parallel scratches on her arm. He asks where she got them. "A bush," she says, which, bullshit. "Mean bush," is all Locke says. And much has been made of Rousseau's remarkably smooth armpits, because a) she's French, and b) she's stranded on an island. But as I think about it, if you're French, and crazy, isn't actually shaving your armpits just the kind of nutty behaviour you'd indulge in?
The grim death march continues, with Hurley and Art discussing Art's name, which turns out isn't Art at all, but Arzt. And it's his last name. Hurley says it's hard to pronounce, and Arzt snottily says he knows a bunch of ninth-graders who manage just fine. Hurley suggests using his first name, which he contrivedly explains he read on the plane's manifest (lest we think that the sudden appearance of Arzt means he's one of "the others"). Arzt don't think so. "I think Leslie's a bitchin' name," says Hurley. Arzt says "Arzt" will be just fine, but I think I'm going to go with Arse. I know a bunch of ninth-graders who probably pronounce that just fine too.
March, march, march, in to the jungle, across a stream. Rousseau sees a scrap of fabric tied to a tree. "De territoire fonce," she says, which Jack translates to "the dark territory," although I think it should be "foncé," but I could be wrong. "The Black Rock is not far," she says. "This is where it all began. Where my team got infected. Where Martin lost his arm. We must move quickly." Good thing you brought Hurley along, then. Not to mention Arse, who says, "You know what? I'm going back." Jack says he thought Arse wanted to help, which Arse says was before "Martin lost his frickin' arm!" And he takes off, and his only advice re: the dynamite is to be very careful with it. Jack glares at Arse's retreating arse. Oh, Jack. Arse always does this. When will you ever learn?
Back on the raft, Mercutio and Jin's Han Solo/Chewbacca-type relationship is given a direct shout-out with Mercutio yelling, "No, no, no! This one goes there, that one goes there!" Heh. Jin actually says, "Okay, okay, okay," in English, no less. Then Sawyer strolls up, with his shirt off again, like make up your mind, and he's carrying the bamboo or whatever with him. "Hey, chief!" he yells, dropping it on the sand. "Cut and measured to length. Perfect mast." Thanks for finally pitching in, Sawyer. Have a friggin' cookie.
In the jungle, it's started raining. So they may be marching to their deaths, but at least they're cold and wet and miserable. Then they hear it: some kind of crazed hooting somewhere through the bushes, and everybody stops, paralyzed. I'm thinking, "Sweet, we're finally going to get some action!" But turns out it's just Arse, running screaming through the jungle. He passes them, yelling, "Run! Run!" Commercials.
Arse goes screaming by, and Rousseau, Kate, and Jack take off after him. Hurley goes to follow, but Locke tells him to hold on for a second. And we hear the metallic roar of Lostzilla. Hurley's like, "Is it okay if we get out of here now so as to continue living?" Jack and the women fortunately find that grove of trees that everyone always takes refuge in. Hurley says, "Dude, we gotta book," but Locke holds him, and the sounds of Lostzilla recede. You know, if we don't see this whatever it is in the season finale, I'm going to be some pissed.
"We're safe now," says Rousseau. Kate wants to know what that thing was. "Security system," says Rousseau. "'Security system.' What does that mean?" says Jack, and Rousseau explains that a security system protects something, like, I don't think he was asking for the definition of security system, here. "Protect what?" asks Kate, and Rousseau says, "The island," looks at Kate like she's an idiot, and strolls off. Kate and Jack exchange looks. I love how no one questions Rousseau very much. She gives these cryptic answers, and everyone just gives up. They're called follow-up questions, you nimwits.
So our ragtag band of adventurers meets up again, and Hurley asks where Art is. "It's Arse, you idiot," says Arse, as he stumbles out of the bushes, like he was hiding from Lostzilla, but being calling Art was too much for him to bear. "Dude, I thought you were dead," says Hurley mildly. And Arse snaps that they should go after the dynamite. I guess now that he's in danger of being eaten, he's in favour of the "safety in numbers" philosophy.
Shannon's on the beach, doing whatever. Packing or something. And speaking of characters we thought were dead: there's Vincent, with Walt! "Why are you folding clothes?" he asks. "Because I'm anal," she says. Oh god, oh god, don't set me up so easily like that, Shannon. She can't even be nice to Walt: "Is there something you want?" Walt looks at his dog. "I think you should take Vincent." She looks at him, and asks if he's serious. "He'll take care of you," says Walt. Aw. Shannon crouches down and pets Vincent, who's such a good boy. Isn't hims? Yes he is! He's almost as pretty a dog as my dog, who -- and you'll never believe how lucky I am -- happens to be the prettiest, smartest dog ever. I so lucked out. Shannon smilingly asks why Walt thinks she needs Vincent to look after her. Walt explains that after his mom died, Vincent looked after him, when no one would talk to him about it and pretended nothing had happened. "So I talked to Vincent. He's a good listener. You can talk to him about Boone if you want." Oh yeah, there go my heartstrings. Shannon starts to lose it, but she musters out an, "All right. But only if you get us rescued, okay?" Walt looks concerned, like maybe he doesn't want her looking after Vincent if she's going to lose her shit like this.
We flash back to Shannon in an airport, and she's selfishly sprawled across three seats in a waiting lounge. And normally I'd be annoyed by that, but, I mean, those legs. My god. So then Sayid walks up. And he puts his carry-on bag down to her, and asks if she wouldn't mind watching his bag for a moment, he'll be right back. Shannon barely flicks her eyes upward from her magazine as she says, "Sure, whatever." And I'm sorry, but there is no way that a smart guy like Sayid, as a man of obvious Middle Eastern descent in a post-9/11 world, is going to take any chances in an airport in a country run by a right-wing government by leaving his bag unattended. "Sure, whatever" indeed. Boone comes up and says he can't get them into first-class, and she asks why not. He says she shouldn't have yelled at the gate agent. "What, you're on his side now?" she spits. "One day you're going to appreciate everything I do for you, after I'm killed on the island that we're going to crash-land on," he says. I swear to god he says that. And she sarcastically says she can't wait for that day, and gets up. He watches her go for a moment.
On an escalator, Shannon says she's going to try the gate agent again, and Boone tells her to let it go. "Excuse me for not being pathetic enough to want to sit to some crying baby for the fifteen hours," she says. Boone, though, travelling with Shannon, is obviously quite used to sitting to a crying baby, so he calls her a bitch. And she threatens to get him thrown off the flight, and he wants to know how she would do that, and then she threatens to tell airport security something, but she doesn't say what, and he doesn't think she's capable of that and...I'm sorry, but if anyone is familiar with what pretty girls are able to accomplish, rightly or wrongly, it's Boone. And at the top of the escalator, Shannon finds a security guard and tells him that "some Arab guy" left his bags alone downstairs. So the security guard runs off without getting Shannon to come with him and show him where or what the guy looked like or what he was wearing or anything. Shannon smirks at Boone. "How's that?" she says, and Boone stares sadly after her. "It was still totally worth it," he's thinking.
So speaking of Sayid, he's salvaged a few things from the airplane for the raft. Like its goddamn radar. They're going to rig up RADAR on the raft. How about you jerry-rig an in-transit movie, too? "Here you go, I've managed to cobble together a DVD player, and we've got, let's see, New York Minute and Racing Stripes. And I used some coconuts to throw together some headphones, too. Hope it helps!" Sawyer goes to affix the radar thingy to the mast, and Sayid tells Michael that to conserve power, he should turn on the radar only once every hour. It will show them any ships as far as the horizon, approximately 25 miles. Just to the horizon? So the radar will show them whatever ships they can already see on the ocean. There's also a radio transmitter, and a flare gun. With one flare. So "choose wisely," says Sayid, a little unnecessarily. No flare-gun fights for these guys.
Walking through the jungle, Rousseau pulls up. "Why are we stopping?" asks Locke. "Because we're here," says Rousseau. "This is the Black Rock." Which is a huge fucking galleon, landlocked and covered in vegetation (guess Locke didn't see it there). Remember when I called these guys the Goonies? I totally nailed it. But see what I mean about prodding Rousseau a little bit more? Might she have mentioned that the Black Rock was, you know, a SHIP? Commercials.
Flashback to the airport again, but this time we're with Sun and Jin, with Sun strolling up with a tray of snacks and beverages. Jin asks what took so long, and Sun explains that there were a lot of people in line. She puts a napkin on Jin's lap, and since they've been speaking in Korean, the American couple sitting nearby feel free to make their snide comments loud enough for Sun to hear. The woman tells her husband to shoot her if she ever finds herself doing something like that for him. "Don't knock it, their divorce rate is 20 times lower than ours," he says, like, how easy is it for them to mistake an affectionate gesture for one of subservience, but then to credit the supposed subservience for successful marriages instead of blaming subservience for keeping women in unhealthy relationships? Whatever, Ugly Americans. So then Sun spills coffee or whatever in Jin's lap, and they're trying to clean it up, and Jin looks around for a washroom, and takes off. "My god, it's like Memoirs of a Geisha come to life," says this obnoxious woman, because I guess if she spills coffee on her husband, the correct, liberated thing to do would be to laugh at him and not try to help him at all. My god, this is like Memoirs of a Racist Bitch come to life. When the obnoxious woman's husband tries to shush her, she tells him to relax because "they don't speak English." That's right. No Asian people speak English. Sun looks reflective. I'm still trying to figure out the point of this scene. If they were trying to paint this picture of Sun being trapped in a loveless marriage, they should have made Jin act like more of an asshole or something. If the point that Jin's not actually that bad a guy (which is kind of how he comes across here) they should have made him act a little nicer.
So back on the beach, Sun approaches Jin, working on the raft, who tries to scoot, but she won't let him. She hands him a notebook that she says is for him. He flips through it, looking at the Korean characters and symbols. "Star... board," he says haltingly, and Sun repeats it. She tells him it's a list of simple English words spelled out phonetically to help him. Jin's face starts to crumple. Jack, Shannon, now Jin...shit, if everybody's going to be crying all episode, there's no way I can hold it together. He tells her he's sorry, and...oh great, now there goes Sun. "I am too," she says, and then tells him he doesn't have to go. "No, don't you understand, Sun? I'm in this place because I'm being punished," he says. "I made you suffer...you don't deserve any of this." Tears are streaming down Sun's face. I like to imagine that the other actors on this show (not that they're terrible or anything, because I don't think that) are gathered around off-camera watching this, going, "Holy shit, those guys brought their A-game this week." He strokes her cheek, and she touches his hand. "I have to go because I'm going to save you," he says. Man, I'm lucky I'm already married, because the tastefully named Daniel Dae Kim isn't going to be leaving many women for the rest of us. "Stay with Jack. He'll keep you safe." "Who will keep you safe?" says Sun, and he smiles and hugs her, and she's totally bawling now, and there's an "I love you" and "I'm so sorry" exchanged, and she tells him it's okay, and they start making out right there. And I guarantee you they snuck off into the bushes somewhere, because wouldn't you?
Sweet! An extended musical montage with no dialogue, just people hugging and saying goodbye. That always kills lots of recapping time. There's Charlie collecting a message from Shannon, and there's Mercutio shaking hands with some bearded guy who I think is the guy Demian thinks is hot, and there's Walt hugging Vincent, which made me hug my own dog, especially since she was being walked by a couple of friends a couple of nights ago and she ran away from them, and I spent a good while driving around looking for her, formulating all kinds of nightmare scenarios, since Fort McMurray is surrounded by wilderness, and it turns out that Emma just ran all the way home, several kilometres. She knew her way home. See what I mean about her being the smartest dog ever? She was allowed to sleep in the bed that night. And there's Claire bringing Turniphead along, and Jin shaking the little baby's hand and kissing his forehead. There's Mercutio tentatively hugging Sun after they both attempted an awkward, platonic handshake. There's Jin hugging Charlie. There's Walt hugging Shannon, like, attaboy. There's Charlie handing the messages in a bottle to Sawyer, and both smiling at each other. This is like graduation day or something. There's Sun and Jin making out some more, and you have to imagine that they wish they'd forgiven each other much, much earlier. There's Sawyer, looking around, presumably for Kate, but she's not there.
There's everybody pushing the raft into the water, and everybody waving and yelling and clapping and cheering. And there's Vincent, Walt's Friggin' Gift to Shannon, barking and straining at his leash, and he breaks away from Shannon and dashes off into the surf after the raft. Walt starts yelling at him to go back, but Vincent swims and barks and Walt waves him back. And finally Vincent turns around and heads back to shore, which I don't entirely buy, but that's fine. And the music wasn't that ominous or anything, but given that sharks patrol these waters, sharks patrol these waters, my heart was in my throat the whole time, and I had promised that every episode from now on would be given a grade of F if anything had happened to Vincent, but fortunately that didn't happen. He swims back to Shannon, who might want to hold onto the damn leash this time.
The rafters (we need a nickname for this thing) hoist the mainsail, which...has a hole in it? Okay, I'm no boatsman, but I think I would have known to do something about that. But everyone cheers anyway. And Mercutio and Sawyer shake hands, and Mercutio hugs his son, and Walt says, "We did it!" and Jin and Sun throw smouldering looks at each other across the water.
And the last shot is of the black smoke above the trees. Because the "others" are supposedly on their way still. They better get here soon; the season finale's week.