Open on the very pretty, though slightly shiny, face of Sayid. You would think that with all the cosmetics that were so obviously on the plane, there would have been some good facial cleanser, maybe a little astringent. Sayid is watching Shannon wipe the brow of Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses. Sayid walks over to Shannon, sits down, and asks, "Is there anything I can do for you?" She ignores him. He tells her that Boone refused to let Jack save him because he didn't want to use up all of their antibiotics. Which isn't what I recall, butwhatever. The point of Sayid's story is that Boone really was God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. Shannon still doesn't say anything. Sayid somehow made a seamless transition from staring at Shannon to the Thousand-Yard Stare of Impending Flashback. I bet they taught him that trick in the Republican Guard.
We hear a British voice making a special security announcement, directed at the passengers in Heathrow airport. Sayid is glumly walking down an airport hallway. They totally fooled me here, by the way -- I was certain that Sayid had that despairing look on his face because he expected to be racially profiled. But as the camera moves out, we see that he's already been taken into custody by airport security.
In an interrogation room that was last used to perform a body cavity search on Patsy Stone, the security guards remove Sayid's shackles while Agent Tina Turner looks on. She thinks that eighteen hours in a holding cell should have had the effect of making Sayid willing to speak to them. I was about to ask if they really have holding cells at the airport, but then I recalled some of the immigration cases I've worked on and I remembered that of course they do. There's practically an entire prison at JFK. ["I thought JFK was the prison." -- Sars] Agent Turner introduces herself as being from Central Intelligence. The tall lemon-pussed man standing behind Sayid is Robbie Hewitt from "A.S.I.S." The "A" stands for Australian (as we learn when he opens his gob), which is all we really need to know. Agents Turner and Robbie tell Sayid that they want him to help them recover three hundred pounds of C4 explosive stolen by a terrorist cell in Australia. Sayid's not sure how he can help them, seeing as how he is not a terrorist. It turns out that one of the members of the cell is Sayid's old college roommate. Sayid isn't going to help them, until Agent Turner tells him that they know where Nadia is, and that they'll give Sayid the information in exchange for his cooperation.
Back on Craphole Island, Kate is walking through the jungle, when she looks down and findsTHE HATCH! Ha! Fooled you! She actually finds a piece of white cloth, which I think is supposed to be Jack's bandage. All of a sudden, Jack stumbles out of the brush, looking about as dead as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses. We see the key to the case o' guns on a string around Jack's neck, by the way. Kate points out to Jack that he's walking in circles and should really get his ass back to the camp, but he won't go back without Locke. And why is Jack so angry at Locke? Because apparently, he thinks that if Locke had told him that Boone's leg was crushed in a fall in an airplane rather than broken in a fall from a cliff, he would have been able to save Boone's life. Kate appeals to Jack's sense of himself as an indispensable hero by lying to him and telling him that everyone else needs him to return to camp.
“ He's walking straight at Locke, and he tackles him, yelling out, 'What did you do to him?' Woo hoo! It's not a funeral until there's a fistfight. Or maybe that's just my family. ”
Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses, has been wrapped in a blue tarp and is being carried on a stretcher to a freshly dug grave near the beach. A bunch of lostaways gather around, although I must point out that there are no more than twenty-five people there, thirty tops. Did Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses really alienate that many people while he was alive? And where's Rose? String music, all very sad, weep weep weep. Jack, barely able to speak because he's breathing so hard, asks Shannon if she wants to say anything. She doesn't. And then I jump out of my skin as we hear Sayid loudly screaming out a eulogy for Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses. Blah blah, he was a great guy who was the first to try to save a drowning woman. (And enough with the callbacks to earlier episodes. All this linking is a pain in the ass.) And then we hear Locke, calling out, "It was my fault." He's standing by a tree, covered with much more of Boone's blood than when we last saw him. He tells them the story of finding the plane, leaving out all the stuff about how they searched for it as a result of his dream and how he was losing the use of his legs. Every sentence he starts just kind of fades to nothingness about halfway through. Of course, if I had a crowd of people looking at me the way the lostaways are looking at him, I'm not sure I could finish many sentences either. But it turns out that the point of Locke's story is that Boone died trying to help everyone by using the radio on the plane to call for help. And then Jack starts shouting at Locke, "Where were you? Where were you? Where the hell were you, you son of a bitch!" He's walking straight at Locke, and he tackles him, yelling out, "What did you do to him?" Woo hoo! It's not a funeral until there's a fistfight. Or maybe that's just my family. Some of the other lostaways pull Jack off Locke while he keeps screaming. Credits.
Right back where we left off. Jack is screaming at Locke while Sawyer and Charlie hold him back. And then Jack collapses. I think he vomits right onto the sand. Which will surely make things easier for the janitor when it's time to clean up the mess. Locke looks at Jack, and then notices Sayid staring at him.
Moments later, Jack, Sayid, Kate, and Sun are walking down the beach. Jack is fixated on the idea that Locke is lying, telling the rest of them that Boone said something about a hatch before he died, and that Locke had told him not to tell. Everyone else insists that Jack has to get some rest, and Sun leads himaway. I don't know where.
Flashback! A group of Muslim men pray. As they all bend their heads to the ground, the head closest to the camera belongs to Sayid. As they sit back up (I mean, they're all kneeling, but they are no longer touching their heads to the ground), Sayid looks over at another man in his row. Cruising guys during prayers -- that can't be good. There's a point at which everyone turns their heads first in one direction and then in another. The other man sees Sayid. The prayers end, and the other man is looking a bit disturbed.
“ Locke tries to act all sympathetic, but Shannon doesn't seem to be buying it. Not to harp on a point, but perhaps the presence of her brother's blood is interfering with Locke's attempts at empathy. ”
Sayid walks across the central courtyard of the mosque (at least, that's what I assume it is). The other man runs up behind him, calling his name. Sayid acts all surprised to see his friend, whom he calls "Assam." (My apologies if I've butchered the spelling.) Everybody on the forums seemed to think Assam was a major hottie, but I was creeped out by his insane eyes. Chitchat, smalltalk, and catching up ensue. Sayid asks after the welfare of Assam's wife -- it turns out she was killed by a stray bomb. Assam pulls himself together and invites Sayid to come to his place so they can catch up.
On a rather large TV, some guy plays a videogame that involves lots of shooting other people. We're at Assam's place, which he shares with a couple of other guys. The guy playing the videogame complains that he's run out of ammo -- his friend suggests that he use the crowbar, but the game player points out, "That only works on the zombies." I hope that Sayid has filed that information away for the inevitable moment when Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Corpses becomes Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Zombies. One of Assam's pals suspiciously asks what Sayid does, and he explains that he is at liberty for the moment. Assam starts talking about the hot Australian chicks to be seen at the beach, while Sayid notices the smoke detector on the wall. Despite the fact that Assam's two buddies are smoking up a storm, not a sound is coming from the detector. Sayid keeps talking about beaches, but he walks towards the detector, grabs the cigarette out of the mouth of one of Assam's roomies, waves the cigarette around under the detector, opens the detector, and removes the bug that is contained therein. Once he's dropped the bug into a glass of tea, he asks them to tell him what they are really doing in Sydney. Assam's pal asks Sayid who he is, and he and Assam explain that Sayid was a communications officer in the Republican Guard. Assam's pal says, "Perhaps it's not happenstance that you and Assam met at the mosque. [Tense pause.] Perhaps it is fate."
Back on Craphole island, Claire tells a worried Charlie and Sun that she's fine, despite the fact that she hasn't slept once since giving birth a few hours ago. She doesn't seem to want to let the baby go. Um, is she planning on staying awake until he's eighteen? Charlie offers to "take care of Turniphead for a while." Claire is not amused, but Charlie explains that he's just calling the baby that because his enormous six-month-old head looks like a turnip. Claire's scared that someone will take the baby away, and Charlie reassures her that he would never let that happen. Again. Claire eventually relents and gives the baby to Charlie.
Shannon is sitting on the beach when Locke (still wearing the shirt that is soaked in Boone's blood) walks up with a small bag in his hand. He gives her the bag, explaining that it belonged to Boone. He sits down to make small talk with her about the weather. Dude, you're covered in her brother's (and/or lover's) blood -- go take a bath and change your clothes. Locke thinks that he should never have let Boone hunt with him in the first place, but Shannon doesn't think that would have made a difference. Locke tries to act all sympathetic, but Shannon doesn't seem to be buying it. Not to harp on a point, but perhaps the presence of her brother's blood is interfering with Locke's attempts at empathy. He tells her that he hopes she can forgive him. And then he leaves.