J.J. Abrams: For this episode, I want to kill off one of the main characters, but have it turn out to be a hallucination.
Writer: Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?
J.J. Abrams: I think I read a treatment of that one. Boy cries wolf, has a few laughs...I forget how it turns out.
Previously on Lost: Chaos!
Ahhhhh! It's a giant eye! Or a regular-sized one, watching Shannon. I suppose if I were on that island, looking at Shannon would likely be one of my hobbies. She's reading a book (we're too far away to see what it is, so I'm going to pretend it's something like He's Just Not That Into You and not something from Borges). Sayid approaches, with a box, and as we see that the eye watching Shannon belongs to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. Sayid says he got Shannon a present for helping him with the translations. It's a pair of shoes! Sayid feels it necessary to tell Shannon that he found them in the wreckage, just in case we wondered if Payless had opened up shop on Craphole Island or maybe he made them himself. "They're actually my size," coos Shannon, although she then says that they're half a size off, but the island is making her feet swell. I'm going to assume that's an important fact to note, otherwise why bring it up?
Boone is interrupted in his baleful staring by Hurley, who asks him about his and Locke's increasingly futile hunting expeditions (hmmm. Some think Boone and Locke are looking for Claire, others think they're hunting boar). Hurley, in effect, wants to know what's up. "We haven't had fresh pork on our plate in about a week, dude," he says. Boone says they're trying, and Hurley amiably suggests that maybe they should try harder. I realize Locke and Boone are no longer actually hunting boar, but damn, that's some pressure. Of course, it's only coming from Hurley, who -- how best to put this -- doesn't look used to limiting his pork intake. "People need food," says Hurley. "This isn't a game, man." Not "dude"? At "game," we start flashing back to the sound of a cell phone ring.
And we see Boone leaving the tennis court with his arm around a blonde woman, who, despite her longer hair, I thought at first was Shannon. And considering how the episode plays out, that's obviously intentional. Boone's praising the Non-Shannon Blonde for chasing down a shot that she then returned for the winning shot. It's really just throwaway dialogue that isn't quite as necessary to connect this scene to Hurley saying "game" as the writer seems to think it is.
Then Boone tracks down his ringing cell phone. It's Shannon, telling him that things are "not so good." Boone reacts like this is not the first time he's had this sort of conversation with Shannon. But it's her screaming at someone else to get out of here that has him a little more concerned, and he tells her to tell him where she is, and he'll come get her. And where is she? "Sydney," she says, and Boone doesn't say anything, and she adds, "Australia."
Back on Craphole Island, Boone approaches Sayid, who's apparently done either hitting on Shannon, or becoming best friends forever with her. "Stay away from my sister," he says. Sayid considers this for a moment, then says, "For a moment you seemed to be giving me an order," with a hint of a smile. I can hardly blame him, since he's used to taking orders from someone slightly more menacing than the guy who gave us "Another Velvet Morning." Boone calls it a "friendly suggestion," even though his high-intensity stink-eye says otherwise. Sayid wants to know what happens if he doesn't, in fact, stay away from Shannon, but before Boone can say anything, his boyfriend Locke yells that he's found some "fresh tracks down by the stream." "See you later," says Boone, as menacingly as he possibly could to a torturer of the Iraqi National Guard. "You know where to find me," says Sayid, managing not to crack up.
So Boone and Locke traipse through the jungle and, judging from how many scenes dissolve into one another, spend the whole trek talking about Sayid. Locke tells Boone that he has to put aside his differences with Sayid, because "we're going to want him on our side." Boone's primarily annoyed that Sayid's hitting on Shannon, but changes the subject to the fact that people are talking about what they're doing out there, since they're not coming back with any boar. Locke says that fruit and fish are plentiful (funny, though, that Kate was apparently in the darkest regions of the jungle last week because the trees were stripped clean, huh?), and what Boone and Locke are currently doing is far more important than hunting boar. And they clear away the foliage over the hatch in the ground, which is going to be their super-secret hideout. No girls allowed! "Right now, this is our priority," says Locke. Commercials.
Blockbuster? Get over yourselves. You know you're just trying to avoid another class-action suit.
Hurley's plucking leaves from plants in the jungle as Jack strolls by. Hurley starts blabbering about nothing in particular in a way that Jack, as a doctor, is probably already familiar with as the technique adopted by the person at cocktail parties looking for free medical advice. And sure enough, Hurley confesses that he hasn't been feeling great and has been having some "major digestive issues," and I'll thank Hurley in advance for not going into much more detail than that. He lists all the tropical flora he's been feasting on. And while I'm not doubting that Hurley's more than a little unhappy with the food supply, given his complaint to Boone a moment ago, I gotta think he's more interested in having Jack pressure the supposed boar-hunters to produce a little more pork, since Jack suggests more protein, and Hurley immediately points out that there's no boar. Jack reminds Hurley that he can also get protein from fish, and Jin has been catching plenty of that. Hurley contends, however, that Jin has it out for him, ever since Hurley turned down Jin's first offer of fish. "It's like I soiled his family honour or something," says Hurley. And falling back on Asian stereotypes is a sure way to mend that fence, hey, Hurley? Jack points at the leaves Hurley's collecting and wants to make sure he's not eating those. "Dude, these aren't for eating," says Hurley, who then excuses himself. Jack smiles, even though I for one would like to say that time the writers are considering how much reference in the script to make to Hurley's bowel movements, I'm voting for less.
Kate's wandering through the jungle, collecting food or something at ground level, which must have grown back since last week, when she was compelled to take to the trees. Jack's wandering by. With the backpack, he looks for all the world, even with the substantial beard he's got going, like he's on his way to school. He spies Kate, and watches her for a moment, until she smiles and says she knows he's there. "I wasn't hiding," he protests, and says he just didn't want to interrupt "whatever it is" that she's doing. She says it's not like it's a secret, and he smilingly says that it's hard to tell with her sometimes, and they're smiling at each other and just in general acting like they weren't practically at each other's throats last week, like did we skip an episode?
She holds out her hand, full of what Jack terms "gross, little greyish-yellow things" and she says are actually passion fruit seeds. He wants to know what they're for, and she says she'll show him, and tells him to follow her. He says he hopes that she's found a "coffee bar," like what kind of Starbucks victim sees passion fruit seeds and immediately thinks "coffee"? Nope. What she's found is Sun working a little garden. And despite the fact that it's Sun digging in the dirt right now, Jack wants to know when it was that Kate did all this. She says it was all Sun, and that she just came across the garden the other day when she was out picking fruit. So Jack praises Sun for her work, opting for the overenunciation-and-volume-raising technique of speaking to someone who doesn't speak the language. Sun smiles. She understands Jack, but he doesn't know that, but it's okay because it's pretty clear from his tone and body language that he's pleased. Kate says she's also started a grove, and Jack calls that smart, since the boar's running out and everything. Since Kate's going to find out later this episode that Sun actually speaks English, I wish we could do away with the shots of Sun furtively glancing around while a couple of others speak English with complete (apparent) privacy. Since she does this spazzed-out shifty-eyed thing every time someone speaks English around her, the big surprise is that no one's busted her yet. Kate floats the theory that the boar isn't running out, that maybe Locke has just decided not to catch it anymore. To Jack, that's crazy, but Kate points out that there are a lot of mouths to feed. "If the boar's thinning out [uh, maybe she should make up her mind on whether it is or isn't] then why should he feed everyone else at his own expense?" Jack considers this. He is wise, and he is Jack, and he will come up with the answer somehow.
We're back at the hatch in the ground, where Locke and Boone are having no luck whatsoever getting the thing open. With a homemade mortar and pestle, Locke appears to be mixing something, but when questioned by Boone, just says that it's "for later." Boone's confused, rather reasonably I might add, about what they're actually doing out there, since for two days they've come out here just to stare at the hatch. You guys are just staring at the thing? I'm no expert on hatches or anything, but I may have pinpointed the root of your inability to open the damn thing. And Locke tells this really long story about Michelangelo staring at an 18-foot block of marble for four months. And that statue became David. And now you know the rest of the story. And while I wait for my brain to get over Locke comparing himself to Michelangelo, Boone asks the obvious question. "We're not going to stare at this thing for four months, are we?" Locke laughs in a way that's not especially reassuring to Boone, who asks how they're going to open it. And Locke explains that that's why they're staring at it. Shut up, Locke. Locke asks how one opens something with no handle or latch, "no discernible way of opening it." He asks it like he knows the answer, actually, but is waiting for Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, to figure it out.
Instead, Boone flashes back...to a house in Australia, where the door is answered by a rather large, surly man who gives Boone the once-over when he asks for Shannon. Shannon strolls in, putting on earrings, and wants to know what Boone is doing there. And if Boone's there to rescue her, he really probably wants to stay away from sarcastically pointing out that he just spent fifteen hours on a plane, so a nicer welcome would be, um, welcome. Shannon breezily says that now isn't a good time, as she and "Bryan" were just on their way out to meet some friends. Only she brushes her hair back briefly, deliberately long enough to give Boone and us a glimpse of the bruise on her right temple. Boone's eyes flick from her to Bryan. Shannon suggests calling her tomorrow. "Please," she adds, as the music plinks domestic-abusingly along. Finally, Boone says "okay" and leaves, but he looks troubled. He's probably wondering if there's a video store nearby where he can rent Cruel Intentions.
Back on Craphole Island, Hurley's chasing Jin down (well, not really -- that really wouldn't be much of a race) and apologizing for the sea urchin thing. Hurley, it should be said, is carrying a makeshift spear, and Jin is draped in nets. Hurley says he's not looking for any special favours, but he wants to know where Jin gets the fish, and Hurley will take care of his own business with his own tools. Jin seems to understand what Hurley is getting at, but he laughs and says something in Korean that clearly is something along the lines of, "Go home, boy."
Back in the jungle, Boone's saying that they need to tell the rest of the castaways what they're really doing out there, since nobody's going to believe they're hunting boar when they keep coming home completely boarless. Locke, whose island shaman routine wore thin for me ages ago, says that "they're not ready." Boone says he at least wants to tell his sister. "Why do you care about her so much?" says Locke, which is a really weird question to ask someone in response to their saying, "She's my sister." Boone says, "You don't know her, man. She's smart and special in a lot of ways." Ohhhh-kayyyy. Locke, who's getting a justifiably creepy vibe from Boone over this, just says, "Fair enough," and keeps walking. ["I'd have gone with 'name one,' but whatever." -- Sars] Boone insists that Shannon can keep a secret, and he can't keep lying to her, and Locke finally submits to the unrelenting barrage of irritation that is Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, and asks him if he's sure he wants to do this: "Are you sure you've thought through the ramifications?" Boone says that he has. "So be it," says Locke, and Boone merrily continues back to the beach. Only Locke whips out one of his 400 knives and cracks Boone in the back of the head with the butt end of it.
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When Halls advises us to "cut the carbs" with their sugar-free lozenges, I start crying. Yeah, switch to sugar-free Halls, and the pounds will melt right off!
So Boone's tied up, and this isn't even fan fiction. His right arm's in front and his left arm is in back (although I've heard that there's a problem continuity-wise, in that the shot of his left arm is actually a shot of a right arm. I'd check the tape myself, but I won't, because a) my attractive non-lawyer future wife and I have dance lessons tonight so I don't have time, b) I imagine it's just a mistake and not some kind of clue, and c) after this episode I angrily gave the tape to my Great Dane and she chewed it beyond all functionality, and it will never record another Lost episode, nor, more's the pity, Nigella Bites), and they're lashed together so that when he reaches forward with his right, it draws his left arm up, excruciatingly so, his back. And there sits Locke, mashing up some more paste. Something tells me "later" is now. Boone orders Locke to untie him, and it probably won't surprise you to learn that Locke ignores him. So Boone tries pleading, saying he won't tell anyone about the hatch. "I'm doing this, Boone, because it's time for you to let go of some things, because it's what's best for you. And I promise you're gonna thank me for this later." He approaches Boone and starts smearing the paste stuff on Boone's head wound. Boone struggles as best he can and wants to know what Locke's doing. "An untreated wound out here, you 're gonna get infected," says Locke. In hindsight, it should have occurred to me on first viewing that Locke was mixing up his paste long before Boone had any kind of head wound to allegedly smear it on.
Anyway, Locke's strolling away, with Boone screaming that Locke can't just leave him here. That sounds like a wager to me! Locke says whether Boone stays or not is up to him. I guess, in that sense, freeing himself from being tied up in a jungle full of dangerous predators is just as easy as kicking heroin, hey? Locke takes out another one of his knives, and Boone's eyes widen in fear. Locke, however, just throws it into the ground in front of him. "You'll be able to cut yourself free once you have the proper motivation," says Locke, who walks away.
Extra-special fish-eye lens does a nice job of making the trees seem impossibly tall and dense, as Boone struggles to free himself, reaching for the knife. Luke Skywalker did it better. Of course, Luke had that whole Force thing going for him. So Boone tries yelling for help.
We flashback to an Australian police officer refusing to help Boone, who has apparently dropped in on Oz P.D. to get the cops after Shannon's Bad Boyfriend. "Unfortunately, sir, we'll need a little more to go on," the officer says. Shannon's shrieking into the phone and has bruises, and the cops need a little more to check it out? Boone says she's with a psycho and Shannon just happens to be attracted to the wrong kind of guy (I have to say, if I were the cop, hearing that Shannon is "attracted to the wrong kind of guy" wouldn't really convince me to move this higher on the priority list). A ruckus momentarily distracts them; it's Sawyer, being forcibly hauled into the station, and yelling, "It was his bottle, I was just giving it back!" and setting back Americo-Australianian relations years with his croc hunter comments. Unhelpful Aussie Cop says that if Shannon were dating someone like that, then he could help, like, how NOT HELPFUL is this guy if he thinks that maybe Boone wants to hear him making jokes about the situation.
Anyway, that cop wants to continue going through the motions, and notes that although Boone said Shannon was his sister, her last name is Rutherford and his is Carlisle. Boone says that Shannon had been married, but isn't anymore. And he adds that she's his stepsister. "No blood relation," says the cop, like, WE ALL KNOW WHAT STEPSISTER MEANS, THANK YOU. Boone seems to get the idea that the lack of blood relation is making the cop even less inclined to listen to him, so he tries invoking his mother's name, Sabrina Carlisle, because, you know, what's the point in being the son of the owner of the largest wedding companies in the U.S. if it doesn't open a few doors with Australian cops? Inappropriately Joking Aussie Cop asks if Boone wants to buy his wife's wedding dress. All Boone wants is for someone to pay Bryan a visit, but the cop says that they can't without physical evidence or a complaint from Shannon herself. "Sadly, we're the police, not the dating police," he says, like, I'd hate to see how this guy handles the families of murder victims.
Now we're down at a marina, where Bryan apparently has the job of deck hoser-offer, which is what he's doing when Boone shows up, ordering him to break up with Shannon. Bryan ain't having it, but Boone informs him that he'll be the third guy Boone's paid off. He wants Bryan to go to the house when Shannon isn't there and pack his things and leave, and Boone will pay him $25,000 to do so. "I love her," says Bryan. "How much?" asks Boone. "My love for her?" says Bryan, indignantly. "It's closer to $50,000." Boone writes out the cheque.
Back at the garden, Kate's asking Sun if she can believe they've been stranded for three weeks. Then she catches herself as she remembers that Sun can't understand English. And then she continues to blather on anyway, saying that she was supposed to be visiting Bali, because she was "looking forward to exploring the island," but she wound up on a plane to L.A. instead. And can I just ask why, if Kate is blabbing away for her own therapeutic value instead of conversational value, is she fudging the truth of her situation? "Guess that falls under the category of 'be careful what you wish for,'" says Kate, which draws a smile from Sun, at least until she looks over and sees Kate's shocked expression. "You understood me," says Kate. Sun says nothing, hoping Kate will forget this, which, considering how quickly various plots and people are forgotten on this island, ain't such a bad strategy. But in the face of Kate's relentless badgering, Sun finally admits it and asks Kate not to tell anyone.
You know what? I can't even do justice to this scene. Jin and Hurley are fishing, with Jin having much greater success than Hurley, who seems to have attached some fabric to two sticks for a makeshift net. It appears to be less good for catching fish than for making Hurley fall over in the water. Even Jin's enjoying the spectacle, when he's not too busy hauling so many fish from the water that he's depleting the island fish stocks faster than Newfoundland depleted the cod.
So Hurley gives up, but as he's stomping onto the beach, he puts his foot right down on, apparently, a sea urchin. And Hurley isn't one to suffer in silence. He begins howling like his skin is being ripped right off. Jin rushes to his aid, and undertakes the daunting task of hauling Hurley from the ocean, setting him down on the sand. "You're going to have to pee on my foot, man. It'll stop the venom! I saw it on TV!" yells Hurley, who then spends the better part of thirty seconds trying to make himself understood, much to Jin's chagrin, as all Hurley does is yell, "Pee on it!" over and over again and grab at Jin's crotch. Jin might or might not be hiding the fact, as his wife is, that he actually speaks English, but this scene ain't proof, even with Jin finally just yelling "no!" a couple of times at the end. If Hurley were frantically grabbing at my crotch and yelling in a language I didn't understand, I'd certainly be saying "no" in all the languages I can possibly think of.
Sayid is deep in the jungle with Rousseau's maps, and he's doing the best he can to make sense of them, using a homemade compass (magnetizing a sewing needle and then setting it in cork and floating it in a bowl of water). A rustling in the bushes startles him, and he leaps to his feet drawing a knife, only to find out that it's just Locke (of course, that's not really a reason to sheathe the knife). Sayid says he didn't hear Locke, and Locke says, "I'm sneakier than I give myself credit for," whatever that's supposed to mean. Locke says he was out hunting, but Boone thought he should "take the afternoon off." The oddness of that statement is nothing, judging by Sayid's face, to the scary prospect of Boone being solely responsible for bringing home the bacon. "Boone is hunting," he says, incredulously. "The boy's eager to learn," says Locke, shrugging. Sayid asks if Locke thinks Boone will catch anything. "No," says Locke. Were this an old episode of Batman, Locke would be dropping all kinds of hints like, "Actually, Boone is all tied up at the moment!" However, that would seem overly suspicious, wouldn't it? Even more suspicious than the castaways' chief food provider taking the afternoon off on Boone's say-so? Locke asks what Sayid's doing, because it turns out that a dude with a compass looking at a map is a little too confusing for Zen Master Locke. Sayid says he's trying to make sense of Rousseau's maps, but..."there's nothing to make," finishes Locke, and Sayid admits it. Locke then compliments Sayid's homemade compass, saying he hasn't seen one of those since he was a Webelo. Since homosexuals and Iraqis aren't welcome in the Scouts, Sayid has no idea what Locke is talking about, and Locke explains that Webelos are halfway between Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, and they get badges and stuff. "I wasn't the most popular kid," says Locke, getting, for him, positively sentimental. He seemed to enjoy his Scouts experience more than I did. In Canada, you start out as a Beaver (shut up!) and then "swim up" to Wolf Cubs. Only in Canada's Far North, it's not really a great idea to take kids winter camping when it's forty below outside. So our camping trips consisted of bringing sleeping bags to a gym and staying overnight. And our Cub leader would bring his girlfriend to meetings and spend the whole time making out with her while we all just played dodgeball (called "Kill the Cub" to make it more Cub Scout-y and appealingly violent).
But enough of that. Locke straightens up, and hands Sayid his own (real) compass, saying it might help his cause. "Don't you need this?" asks Sayid. "Not anymore," says Locke, who walks off. And thus, a solid friendship is born.
Boone's sleeping. Guess he hasn't found the proper motivation yet, eh? Well, that's about to change; we hear Shannon yell, "Somebody help me!" And Boone jerks his head up, and says "who is that?" Man. Did Boone's mother have any kids who lived? Then Shannon yells Boone's name, and he recognizes who it is. She's in some kind of distress, and Boone yells for her to come to him, as he's all tied up at the moment! (See how that works?) She yells back that she's tied up too. Well, that's a pickle, isn't it? But it gets worse: the elephant-like roar of Lostzilla is heard nearby. Boone begins struggling even harder to reach the knife in front of him. I'm guessing he found the proper motivation to free himself, which is so he can put on fresh underwear. With Shannon's screams egging him on, Boone grabs for the knife, despite the obviously searing agony it's inflicting in his left arm. He finally grabs it (and it's a big sucker, a Rambo kind of knife), and he quickly cuts the ropes tying him up, and runs toward the sound of Shannon's voice.
He breaks into a clearing, and sees Shannon on the other side, tied standing up to a tree. He pauses momentarily, thinking, "Man, this is so close to and yet so far from what I've always dreamed of," and then runs to her, cutting her loose with Locke's knife. The Iron Giant bellows again, and it sounds like it's getting closer. The two of them take off as fast as their incestuous little legs will take them, and I am unhappy to report that we still have NO CREEDENCE. That's 13 straight episodes without any CCR, which is awful for any show, but for a show that's just made for "Run Through The Jungle," it's nigh on unforgivable.
Boone and Shannon find a tightly enclosed stand of trees, and squeeze into the centre, reasonably figuring that they can't outrun Lostzilla, so they might as well try to hide somewhere out of its reach. They huddle on the ground together as Lostzilla draws closer (we some massive shadows on the trees, and that's all we see). The monster seems to leave, but they don't move. Sure enough, Lostzilla comes roaring back, pounding at the trees and shaking the earth. Man, the longer they go without revealing what this thing actually is, what it looks like, I wonder how it could possibly pay off. Still, this is a tense few minutes of television. (Of course, after the way it all turns out, the time we have a scene like this it won't seem quite so urgent, will it?) Commercials.
The local ABC news affiliate is running a story about a man surviving being lost in the Everglades. Nice tie-in. What is this, FOX?
Sayid's tracked down Jack, who appears to be just wandering aimlessly around the island, all the better to run into various cast members and advance the plot. Sayid asks him which direction Jack thinks north is, and Jack estimates based on the setting sun. Yeah, that's where north should be, says Sayid, and he takes out the compass Locke just gave him. "Yet that is north," says Sayid, pointing to the right of where they both figure it should be. He says a minor magnetic anomaly could account for two or three degrees' difference, but not such a large variance. Jack blessedly asks him what his point is. "This compass is obviously defective," says Sayid. Again, Jack's not really sure what he's supposed to do with that information, so he asks Sayid where the compass came from. "Locke gave it to me this afternoon," he says. Tattletale! Jack wants to know where Sayid saw Locke; guess Locke is on Jack's Plot Advancement Walkabout. Sayid says Locke was about a mile east of there. "At least I think it's east," he says, and Jack looks around.
Lostzilla has apparently given up on eating Shannon and Boone, as we don't hear it anywhere. The two of them look through the trees for any signs, and finding none, cautiously make their way out of the trees. Shannon angrily asks what Boone did to Locke to do this to them. "What did you do to that psycho to piss him off?" Yeah, play this like it's Boone's fault, Shannon. That's a good plan. Boone insists he didn't do anything, so Shannon sarcastically asks if Locke just tied them up because he was bored. Like that's really out of the realm of possibility for Locke? She keeps pressing and he interrupts to say that they should just go back to camp.
We flash back to Boone's other recent "rescue" of Shannon, back in Australia. He shows up at her house, and she tellingly seems surprised to see him, saying that he wasn't supposed to come until later. He tells her to get whatever she wants to take from Australia, and they're leaving. She's extremely hesitant, much to his confusion, and things only get worse when Bryan shows up, carrying groceries. "Let's go," Boone tells Shannon, but she doesn't move. "You still don't get this, do you?" says Bryan. Not yet, but as Boone looks at Shannon, who can barely make eye contact, he figures it out. "You set me up. This whole thing was a setup," he says. Shannon says nothing, so Bryan explains that Shannon's only getting what she's owed, since she told him that Boone's mother screwed her over when her father died (considering how she's behaved towards Boone, Bryan might want to consider that Shannon isn't being completely honest with him, Bryan, either, but that's a whole other kettle of fish). Bryan's slagging Boone's mom, but something else dawns on Boone, who turns to Shannon. "This isn't the first time. You've done this before, you little bitch." Bryan, scam artist and mom-insulter, thinks that's not necessary and steps between the two of them, so Boone attacks him, which, considering Bryan's size, must be not unlike attacking Lostzilla. Bryan starts punching him, in wince-inducing cinematography, until Shannon screeches and pulls Bryan off her mark, I mean "stepbrother." Boone, nose bloodied but pretty eyes unblackened, gets up and walks out the door.
Locke's doing his staring at the sea thing when Jack strolls up and asks him if he's seen any ships. "Not yet, but I'm patient." Jack sits down and joins him. "It's been a while since you and I talked, John," says Jack. I suspect Jack's going for "friendly" here, but it kind of comes out like Jack's the boss and he's acknowledging that he hasn't checked in to see how Locke's doing. "Where's Boone?" asks Jack, and Locke says he hasn't seen him all day. Jack says Locke and Boone have been attached at the hip lately, and Locke jokingly checks his hip. "No Boone!" he says, like maybe they could cut John Locke's Def Comedy Jam and get to the point here. "How's the boar-hunting going?" asks Jack, finally cutting through all the small talk. "Between you and me?" says Locke, and Jack says, "Always." Word is bond! Locke says that he thinks the boar are migrating out of the valley, because they're smart animals, and smart animals adapt when a new predator is introduced into the environment. And in case you don't know what predator they're talking about, Jack clarifies that they're the predators.
Sun and Kate are walking through the jungle together, and despite the fact that a lot of time has obviously passed, they're still talking about Sun's heretofore hidden ability to speak and understand English. Kate wants to know if anyone else knows. "Just Mercutio," says Sun, which you'd think would lead to a bunch more questions along that vein, but Kate doesn't go there; she does say, "But not your husband?" And when Sun gets agitated, Kate tells her not to worry, because she can keep a secret. Sun explains that she took English lessons in Korea, but her husband didn't know. Kate's curious why Sun doesn't tell him now. I'm curious why Sun doesn't tell Kate to mind her own damn business; instead, she just says, "Because I love him." This makes as little sense to me as it does to Kate, who starts to question that, and Sun just says, "Have you never lied to a man you've loved?" Kate doesn't say anything, because it really doesn't matter how you end a question to her that begins, "Have you never lied --" because the answer will always be the same.
Back at Jin's Ol' Fishin' Hole, Hurley's laid up on the beach while Jin fiddles with some shells or fish or whatever the hell. "You sure you don't speak English? 'Cause there's a rumour that you do." Jin looks up at briefly and blankly, and goes back to whatever it is that he's doing. Hurley tries a different tack: "You're wife's hot." Again Jin looks up, same blank expression. Then he brings over the shell, which he offers to Hurley, exhorting him to eat it or drink it. "Oh, I get it. This is some kind of payback because I wouldn't eat the urchin the other time?" Like Jin's going to answer. Hurley also tries the maybe-if-I-speak-louder-he'll-understand technique and yells, "I eat this, you'll give me a fish, right?" Jin holds out the urchin. Hurley takes it, steels himself, and sucks it back. Jin, pleased that the strange large man has consumed the offering, smiles to himself. At least until Hurley horks.
Who's on Jack's rounds? Charlie, who's taking pills to help, I assume, with his heroin withdrawal, which all things considered appears to have gone amazingly well. Charlie's gathering wood, and Jack offers to help. "Seen you around the caves lately," Jack says. Charlie says he needed a change of scenery. Jack asks how things are going. Why, with week two of heroin withdrawal or Claire being kidnapped by the freak who tried to kill me, asks Charlie. "Why, either of those barely remembered plots," says Jack. Actually, Jack just says he gave Charlie the aspirin for the heroin withdrawal, and they share a good laugh, like, how nice Charlie can laugh about Claire's kidnapping now. Must be God's assistance. Change of subject: Jack asks Charlie what he thinks Locke's story is. "He's a freak of nature. Highly disturbed," says Charlie. "Chances are he probably killed all his mates at the post office the day his mum forgot to put a cookie in his lunch tin." Whoa! Shrewd judge of character, Charlie is. Then he adds that that was only his first impression. "Then he saved my life." So you trust him, says Jack. Charlie's all, damn skippy! In fact, if there were one person on the island that Charlie would put his faith in to save them all -- "no offence, mate," he tells Jack -- that person is John Locke. Jack stares, probably trying to figure out a way to get Locke voted off the island before he becomes too much of a threat.
Here's Mercutio, showing up for his one pointless scene of this episode, as Walt and Vincent play in the trees. Mercutio is opening a box, and Hurley limps up all, "Dude, you found your own bag? That's awesome!" and goes on to expound on the joys of using one's own toothbrush again (unless, of course, it's the only thing left in your hotel room, along with your camera, after you've been robbed, right?). Hurley's got a papaya, which Mercutio asks to share, and Hurley's all, be my guest, dude. Hurley complains about stepping on a sea urchin to Mercutio when Jin walks up, and holds out a fish to Hurley. Hurley can hardly believe it, and he looks close to tears. Jin looks to be holding back a smile. Hurley thanks him and Jin walks away, even as Hurley calls out, "Dude, this thing's already been cleaned? Are you kidding me?" Heh. Awww. Jin walks over to Sun, and they talk, and laugh, and smile. Unfortunately, I don't have a Korean friend to translate. All my friends of the Asian persuasion are Chinese, so you'll just have to imagine for yourselves the sexual acts they're discussing right now. Kate watches them (and they seem the happiest they've been together since the crash). She smiles. This is Jack's cue to come in and say, "You look happy." She kind of snorts at the idea of being happy, but can't hide another smile from him, and I would really like to know why they're all smiley and happy with each other after last week. Jack tells her to hold out her hand, and when she hesitates, he promises she'll like it. Jack, dude, I've got a criminal record that says otherwise. She does as told, and he puts something in her hand, and she guesses that they're gross little greyish-yellow things. Close, but you're way off! They're slimy little bluish-black things. Guava seeds! Kate's delighted. "What's a garden without guava?" says Jack, and they laugh, and it's nice that they've resolved their animosity, only it would have been nice if they'd done it on camera.
Boone and Shannon are making their way through the jungle, slowly. "Are you sure we're going in the right direction?" asks Shannon, snottily (as hard as that is to believe). Boone says that if she doesn't want to follow him, she doesn't have to. She says she wouldn't have to if Boone wasn't "best friends" with the psycho who put them out there in the first place. And she interrogates Boone about what he and Locke have been doing out there (Boone doesn't want to tell her, but he does say Locke's the only one with any clue as to what's going on on the island) and she doesn't stop bitching and whining for two seconds. So pretty on the outside, so ugly on the inside. Boone ought to tie her up again and leave her out there. Would anybody be against this? So Shannon finally grabs Boone's arm to ask him why Locke tied them up, and he finally gives in and tells her about the hatch they found. "Like a door?" she says, and Boone says, "Yeah, Shannon, that's what a hatch is," taking the words right out of my mouth. She wants to know where the hatch goes, and Boone admits they don't know, but says it was when Boone told Locke he was going to tell Shannon about it that Locke beaned him and tied them up. Meanwhile, we can all hear the sound of birds flapping their wings as they lift up from the trees, just like they did just before Lostzilla appeared. And in a nifty effect that's scary while still not revealing anything about this metallic monster, two trees behind them uproot in an explosion of dirt and sound, and Boone and Shannon start hauling ass again. Shannon can't run as fast as Boone (probably because whining uses up an awful lot of energy) and we finally get to the scene where her running legs are lifted up into the air. "Shannon!" screams Boone, but he's going to have to wait until after commercials like the rest of us.
Boone's apparently lost the trail of the Iron Giant, as he's making his way through pristine jungle yelling for Shannon. Looks like he's got time for another flashback. At Boone's hotel room in Australia, Shannon shows up, taking off her high heels as she does. Boone's holding an ice pack to his cheek, and he seems less than thrilled to see her. "Bryan took the money. He's gone," she says. Wow. Try to imagine how much sympathy we have for you, Shannon. If you're even telling the truth. "So the player got played. It's poetic, don't you think?" is Boone's response. "I knew you'd bring the money, I knew you would!" yells Shannon, nicely slurring her words without making a big show of it. But she's drunk, and Boone knows it, and she says he brought the money because he's in love with her. "You've always been in love with me," she says. "You've always been a self-centered bitch, and now you're delusional," says Boone. "I've always known it," she retorts, right in his face. "You're sick," he says, and as if to prove that theory, they start making out, with Shannon initiating it. And they kiss for about five hours before falling onto the bed. And we cut right to a shirtless Boone sitting up in the dark. Shannon turns on the light. She's dressed (hair mussed), sitting in a chair. So they definitely did it, right? I mean, as "definite" as this show ever is, right? Shannon says that when they get back to L.A., Boone should just tell his mom that he rescued Shannon like he always does. "And then we'll just go back." "To what?" says Boone. "To what it was." "Like it's all up to you," mutters Boone, and Shannon just tells him to get dressed. You know, if she just did this so Boone wouldn't rat her out, wouldn't it be a good idea for her to continue to be nice to him?
Back on Craphole Island, Boone still hasn't figured out that he's eminently better off without Shannon, and is still searching for her. Hey, there's a trail of red paint -- I mean, "blood" -- along this river! Maybe that'll lead me to her! It does. Lying on some rocks just a little way upstream is Shannon, motionless. Boone runs to her side, and we get a slow pan up her bloody, mangled body. Boone gathers her up and says her name, over and over again. But she's dead. And he hugs her to him, and I spend the commercial break being impressed by Lost killing off a major character halfway through the season, and get the A-plus ready. Oh, well.
Okay, let's get this Bobby-Ewing-in-the-shower scene over with, shall we? Nightfall. Boone's finally back at Camp Locke (so named because Locke is the only one that we can see). Locke's staring at into space again, not moving. Perhaps he's receiving a transmission from his home planet? Boone charges him, yells, "It killed her!" and attacks him with his knife. They roll around the ground a bit, with Locke remarkably quick for someone who's spent the last few years in a wheelchair. "You made it back," he says mildly. Boone spits that Lostzilla killed his sister. "She died in my arms!" he says. "Why is there no blood on you?" asks Locke. Boone looks himself over, sees Locke's right. "What the hell just happened to me out there?" he says. Maybe the blood washed off in the stream? Boone seems to start questioning what he saw awfully quickly, if you ask me. He gets off Locke, who points out that Shannon is alive and well -- and there she is, over at another fire, flirting with Sayid. I love that Boone came running out of the woods like a wild man, yelled, "It killed her!" and attacked Locke with a knife, and no one stepped in. Way to look out for each other, guys. "She was dead," says Boone. "Is that what it made you see?" asks Locke. Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, says Boone, wanting to know what Locke's talking about. Then he clues in. "That stuff you put on my head. You drugged me." That, to me, is a little more accurate than Locke saying that he gave Boone an "experience" that he believes is vital to Boone's survival on the island. "It wasn't real?" says Boone. Well, Shannon is right there, and ALIVE, so I guess not, genius. "It was only as real as you made it," says Locke. "I saw her. I saw her die," Boone says, looking like he's about two seconds away from completely losing his shit, which would be entirely understandable. Locke, who could stand to give a brother a little more space, wants to know how it made Boone feel to see Shannon died. "I felt...I felt...I felt relieved. I felt relieved." Ding ding ding! That's the correct answer, by the way. Even Locke thinks so: "Time to let go," he says. He gets up, gathers his stuff. "Follow me," he says. Boone looks at Shannon a moment longer, while Locke starts walking into the woods. And Boone follows him.
The less said about the hallucination (meaning this is twice there's been a character death fake-out, Charlie being the other) the better. I will say that upcoming previews of characters in peril (like episode with Walt apparently being terrorized by a polar bear) seemed a whole lot less urgent and intriguing for me. I want blood, dammit!
Kids, don't do drugs.