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Michael, Michael, Michael!

Meet Kevin Johnson - We see the story of how Michael came to work for Ben. As you might inspect, it involves lots misery and angst about Walt, along with guilt over the two women he murdered. And on the island, Karl and Rousseau get shot. So it's fun all around.

LTG

Meet Kevin Johnson

Meet Kevin Johnson - The latest episode in a nutshell.

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Baby's Got Back

Ji Yeon - And forward. As in flashback and flash-forward. They're all mixed together in this episode, as we see Jin in the past and Sun (and her new baby) in the future. Trippy.

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How Many Others Are There?

The Other Woman - Meet another Other. It's Harper, Goodwin's wife. She was also Juliet's therapist, and is currently running errands for Ben, despite the fact that Ben arranged for Goodwin to be killed.

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Constant Craving

The Constant - We learn that Desmond and Penny have a love for the ages. Or at least a love that can survive dumping, stalking, time-travel-fueled insanity, an eight (or eleven) year absence, and a serious lack of hair care products.

LTG

Thanks, But I'm Not Hungry

Eggtown - Kate's on trial in the future-forwards, and thanks to perjury from Jack and a so-called medical emergency from her mother (star witness for the defence), Kate walks with nothing more than probation. Which means she doesn't have to be separated from her son -- Aaron.

Daniel

Jarrah. Sayid Jarrah.

The Economist - In the future, Sayid is an international man of mystery with a license to kill various Europeans. Back on the island, Sayid and Locke work out a swap, trading Miles for Charlotte.

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What Is The Monster?

Confirmed Dead - What is the monster? That's the best question Locke can come up with? The island clearly didn't choose him for his brains.

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Can't Keep A Dead Hobbit Down

The Beginning Of The End - Charlie's dead, but he still manages to appear and speak with Hurley in the flash-forward. Back on the island, his death inspires Hurley to side with Locke in a conflict with Jack, leading a bunch of Lostaways to decide to hide from the rescue party.

LTG

The End. With Questions.

Through The Looking Glass - The mega season finale leaves almost as many questions as answers. Are the Lostaways finally rescued? And who is rescuing them if it's not Penny? Will Desmond be able to warn them in time? Is Charlie really dead? Is Jack really that fugly with a beard?

LuluBates

Footprints

Greatest Hits - Having a best friend who looks just like Jesus must be hard for Charlie, especially when that same friend tells you that you have to die in order to save everyone else from their eternal suffering. I mean, he would know from self-sacrifice, right?

LuluBates

Check The Expiration Date!

The Man Behind The Curtain - When Locke and Ben head off on their journey to meet the mysterious Jacob, Ben reveals that he is a very bad shrimp.

LuluBates

Paging Dr. Freud

The Brig - Locke is told to kill his Bad Dad by Ben as a test, but he is not man enough and passes the job on to Sawyer. With his magically improved sex life, Sawyer definitely has cojones enough for the job.

LuluBates

What To Expect When You're Expecting Trouble

D.O.C. - Sun and Juliet trek through the jungle to determine the date of conception of Sun's baby in the medical station. No handcuffs, no mud wrestling, just uncomfortable conversation about sperm counts, affairs, and Island sex lives. Boring! Until Juliet reports back to Ben that Sun is pregnant and that she will find out about Austen soon. And that she hates him. So dramatic, baby!

LuluBates

Monks Gone Wild!

Catch-22 - A near-shirtless Desmond leads a trusted brigade of acolytes into the jungle to rescue a downed pilot. Just like Black Hawk Down but with more sex!

LuluBates

Desperately Seeking Some Answers

One Of Us - Juliet joins the crew at Camp Lostaway as it is revealed that she desperately wants to get off the Island, desperately needs to see her sister, and desperately needs a shower.

LuluBates

Hot Girl-on-Girl Action

Left Behind - When Kate and Juliet get gassed and handcuffed together in the woods, wacky hijinks are sure to ensue. But a cat fight? With a mud puddle? And a wet t-shirt contest? Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this.

LuluBates

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

Exposé - The beach is back in this episode as Nikki and Paolo guest-star as diamond thieves who end up double-crossing each other -- to death.

LuluBates

Magic Is Afoot!

The Man From Tallahassee - Kate and Sayid are captured in their attempt to rescue Jack from the Others. Jack doesn't need to be rescued though because he is leaving in the morning on the submarine! Meanwhile Ben is busy telling his new best friend Locke all about the Island's Magic Box.

LuluBates

Flippin' The Bird

Par Avion - Claire hatches a new plan to get rescued from the Island while Jack's rescue party is still playing Stanley in Africa.

LuluBates

Locke and Load

Enter 77 - Sayid, Kate, and Locke find another station in the jungle.

LuluBates

It's Miller Time!

Tricia Tanaka Is Dead - Hurley and the boys bond over a few beers around a broken-down van while Kate sets out to get Jack back.

LuluBates

Leaving your mark

Stranger In A Strange Land - Jack's tattoo is explained, as Kate and Sawyer bicker about who gets custody of Carl. Jack swings a deal with a still-invalid Ben to save Juliet from execution for killing Danny.

Daniel

It's Time To Switch To Whisky, We've Been Drinking Beer All Night

Flashes Before Your Eyes - It's Desmond in an almost all-flashback spectacular, with people getting hit by cricket bats and crushed to death under collapsing scaffolding, and hot roasted chestnuts, and adorable Cockney accents, all of which teach Desmond that if the universe wants Charlie to die? Charlie's gonna die.

Daniel

Friendly Fire

Not In Portland - Jack's withholding-surgery plan works, as Ben apparently gives in and orders Juliet to help Sawyer and Kate get off the island. Through flashbacks, we learn that she's a prisoner on Craphole Island too, and she's willing to pump a gun full of bullets in Danny's chest to help Sawyer and Kate escape

Daniel

First Do Not That Much Harm

I Do - Jack says he won't do Ben's surgery, but after seeing Sawyer and Kate in post-coital bliss, he says he will -- because he's got a plan! A plan to get Kate to safety, and far away from the naked slopey shoulders of a southern con artist.

Daniel

Oh, thou shalt NOT kill. Right. Got it.

The Cost Of Living - A wounded, exhausted Eko heads out into the jungle chasing hallucinations of his brother. Interspersed are flashbacks of Eko taking over Yemi's church -- with fatal results!

Daniel

No Man Is an Island

Every Man For Himself - Sawyer's bent on making a nuisance of himself, so the Others stage an elaborate con in order to get him to behave, instead of just chopping off a finger or something. Flashbacks reveal that Sawyer's got a daughter, and also -- you'll never believe this -- a heart of gold.

Daniel

The drugs are working

Further Instructions - Locke builds a sweat lodge and takes some drugs (oh, sure, but if Charlie tried that, he'd freak) and gets the bright idea to go looking for Eko, who's been dragged to a polar bear cave, presumably to be eaten.

Daniel

Gone out the window

The Glass Ballerina - Jae wants Sun to leave Jin, but she won't, and when Sun's dad finds out about the affair, he makes up a story about Jae stealing and sends Jin to kill him. Jin can't, but Jae winds up splattered all over his windshield anyway. Kate and Sawyer break rocks in a chain gang, and Ben offers Jack a chance to go home -- to a topsy-turvy world in which the Red Sox are World Series champs.

Daniel

Jack On Crack

A Tale Of Two Cities - Kate showers and dresses, Jack obsesses, and Sawyer proves himself dumber than your average bear. Let's be charitable and say the third-season opener is long on setup, instead of short on plot.

Daniel

If you don't know Des by now, you will never, never, never know him.

Live Together, Die Alone - Desmond's back, and Locke enlists his help to find out what happens when the timer finally runs out. Oddly, Desmond forgets that he actually knows. Michael's secret is blown -- and the Lostaways still manage to get themselves kidnapped.

Daniel

The less-than-fantastic four

Three Minutes - Michael wants to lead a crack team of four and only four other Lostaways to get his son back. Sayid's the only one with enough brains to figure out Michael's leading them into a trap.

Daniel

It's hard out here for a gimp

? - We find a hatch that's full of mystery, and Eko and Locke watch a film called Orientation. It's not a clip show, I don't think. But pretty soon the "new hatch!" crutch for sustaining interest is going to get old. Also, Ana-Lucia is dead, and Libby is dying. And no one knows Michael did it.

Daniel

So glad to have you back, Michael

Two For The Road - Ana-Lucia screws Sawyer so she can get his gun, but then stunningly is unable to execute a man who assaulted her. This is called character development. And then Michael kills her.

Daniel

Make sure your sign doesn't read

S.O.S. - Bernard bullies everyone on the island to help him save his wife. He will do anything for her, including spending thousands of dollars to to see a faith healer who doesn't fix Rose. But the island does, because it fixes everything but Shannon's asthma.

Daniel

This is the Dave I know

Dave - Hurley sees an old friend from the asylum; clearly, he's hallucinating -- and as we examine his relationship with Dave back in the institution, it becomes clear pretty quickly that he was hallucinating then too. He might have been too busy hallucinating to notice that Libby was in the institution with him. Or maybe this is ALL IN HIS HEAD.

Daniel

During the Locke-down, John needs a little Gale force

Lockdown - Locke gets sealed up in the hatch with Henry and catches a little glimpse of an island map, visible only under black light. Sayid's found Henry's grave, only by "Henry's grave," I mean that a guy named Henry didn't DIG the grave; a guy named Henry is IN the grave.

Daniel

All change, she's having a baby

The Whole Truth - Sun takes a pregnancy test. It's positive. Which is possibly negative. Because she's positive that Jin's ability to father children is negative. And this episode finally answers the question: Is Henry an Other? Or, at least, it asks it for maybe the last time? Oh, who are we kidding.

Daniel

Sisters are screwing it up for themselves

Maternity Leave - Claire, Rousseau, and Kate go running across the island in search of medicine for Aaron, the first baby ever to get sick. Meanwhile, Claire flashes back to when she was Ethan's captive and high all the time and prepared to give Aaron up. And Rousseau's supposed to be more good than crazy now, I guess, thanks to the female bonding going, like a movie that should probably have Shirley MacLaine and Winona Ryder in it or something.

Daniel

In torture we trust

One Of Them - For anyone who thought it was weird that a soldier in Saddam Hussein's Republican Guard somehow acquired torturing skills, this episode addresses that burning question: it was the U.S. Army who gave them to him. Naturally. Sayid puts his American know-how to the test against a suspected Other, captured by Rousseau.

Daniel

Power play

The Long Con - The flashbacks are all about Sawyer being a con artist bastard manipulating people to get what he wants, and then I guess we're supposed to be surprised when back on Craphole Island he turns out to be a con artist bastard manipulating people to get what he wants.

Daniel

Baptism by liar

Fire + Water - Charlie's having freaky visions about Aaron being in mortal peril, so, after consulting with the gang lord posing as priest, he figures the solution is steal the baby from his mother for an Archie Bunker-style stealth baptism.

Daniel

Michael's Got a Gun

The Hunting Party - And he's going after Walt, dammit! And you can't stop him! You also can't find him, as Jack, Locke, and Sawyer quickly learn. They also learn that the Others are a bunch of hairy hillbillies with guns and they don't take kindly to strangers. Ultimately, Jack decides to see how kindly they take to a makeshift army of Lostaways. My guess is that they won't be too fond of that either.

Erin

The Lord is my Shephard

The 23rd Psalm - Charlie and Eko go on a hike to find the drug plane, since Eko might know a thing or two about it. If you're already carrying around a blood-spattered stick, and Charlie makes it back after going hiking with you, you are a stronger man than I am.

Daniel

I can't allow you to do that, Michael

What Kate Did - Kate's Jerry Springer archetype stepdad gets blowed up real good, which is what sent her down her life of running from the law and killing people for little toy airplanes.

Daniel

Good…bad…Ana's the one with the gun

Collision - Ana-Lucia flashes back to her days as one of L.A.'s finest, and a lapse in judgment costs her her unborn baby. Amazingly, despite a tragic backstory, she remains largely unsympathetic.

Daniel

Get your hands off my chicken

The Other 48 Days - The first month and a half for the Tailaways. It's a lot quicker and yet a lot more slow-motion-y. Just like they did with the Lostaways, the Others infiltrated them. Just like the Lostaways, the Tailaways debated whether to stay on the beach or move inland. Bonus: we get to see Shannon shot again!

Daniel

Shannon's death, take two

Abandoned - Shannon and Sayid get down to business, and then Shannon, in her nth attempt to prove how useful she is, runs right into a bullet.

Daniel

It don't mean a thing if Sun ain't got that ring

...And Found - Sun loses her wedding ring. Better hope Jin doesn't find out! Maybe next week, Jin can attempt to do the laundry -- and turn everything pink!

Daniel

Dyno-mite!

Everybody Hates Hugo - Hurley's wary of the problems the hatch-hole food will cause, so he's prepared to blow it all up. Fortunately, his insanity doesn't last long.

Daniel

The petty details of so-and-so's life

Orientation - Desmond initiates the

Daniel

Way down in the hole

Adrift - When you walk through the jungle, better watch your back. Well, I beg your pardon, walk the straight and narrow track. If you walk with Desmond, he's gonna save your soul. You gotta keep the devil way down in the hole.

Daniel

Desmond's got a gun

Man Of Science, Man Of Faith - We finally, FINALLY get into the hatch. Who's inside? Why, someone Jack knows! I mean, we've never seen this guy before tonight, but still: Dun dun DUN!

Daniel

I was blown up by a pirate ship

Exodus, Part II - Now say that while pulling at the corners of your mouth with your index fingers. Arse blows up, as does the hatch, but we don't get to see what's inside. The rafters meet another boat, but instead of rescuing the lostaways, the boaters kidnap Walt, shoot Sawyer and blow up the raft. That could have gone better, eh?

Daniel

Arzt and rafts

Exodus, Part I - The raft finally launches, noted crazywoman Rousseau leads an expedition to Black Rock, which turns out to be a ship, and the others are coming, the others are coming.

Daniel

Hey! Kate! I got a new complaint!

Born To Run - Kate's the first lostaway to get her third flashback episode, and we learn more about the man she loved, the man she killed (albeit not directly or intentionally). All I want to know is, when is Art the Sarcastic Science Teacher going to get his own episode?

Daniel

Putting The "Fun" Back In "Funeral"

The Greater Good - Jack and Locke have a fight at Boone's funeral, and Jack reveals to everyone present that Locke lied to him about Boone's accident. This makes Shannon think that Locke murdered Boone. When Sayid doesn't kill Locke for her, she tries to take matters into her own hands. She fails, of course, because she's useless.

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Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before

The Journey - ABC graciously airs an illuminating hour-long synopsis of the season up until this point, going over key points for longtime viewers and helping new viewers get up to speed. Or they threw together a hour's worth of "previously on Lost" scenes in a transparent attempt to mollify fans annoyed at scheduling irregularities, as well as making some easy advertising money. Any way you want it, that's the way you need it.

Daniel

The anvil of life

Do No Harm - Claire has her baby, delivered by Kate, while Jack does everything in his power to save Boone, because Jack has trouble letting go of things. Yes, even of Boone.

Daniel

Immaculate misconception

Deus Ex Machina - Locke meets his mother, who gave him up for adoption years ago. We hear a lot about fate and things that are meant to be, which turn out to be garbage when Locke loses a kidney to his deadbeat dad. Boone gets hurt, and a light turns on in the hatch.

Daniel

The hand that Lockes the cradle

Numbers - Hurley finds numbers among Crazy Rousseau's scribbled notes, the same numbers he used to win the lottery but have brought nothing but bad luck ever since. He sets out to find Crazy Rousseau, and Sayid, Jack, and Charlie follow. The bad luck continues, evidenced by Charlie not getting killed.

Daniel

Married people never talk anymore

...In Translation - Jin learns that Sun can speak

Sobell

"Fancy thinking the Beast…"

Outlaws - "…was something you could hunt and kill!" Sawyer tries anyway, hunting a boar that's haunting him.

Sobell

Clarify me, Claire

Homecoming - Claire comes back, but doesn't remember Ethan or an abduction or even the plane crash. The castaways lure Ethan into a trap and catch him with the hopes of getting some answers from him, but Charlie ruins that by blowing Ethan away, Bronson-style.

Daniel

Dear Diary: Aaaaiiiieeeee!

Special - Turns out Mercutio actually wanted to be a good father, but his girlfriend took Walt away, and then he got hit by a car, and now here we are. Walt's different, according to a couple of people, but it's still vague as to how. He's not so special that he can't save himself from a computer-generated polar bear, though.

Daniel

Pure guava

Hearts And Minds - Boone wants to let Shannon in on the secret of the hatch -- not that there's anything to tell, yet. So Locke ties

Daniel

Pulp friction

Whatever the Case May Be - We get more of Kate's rootin',

Daniel

There's Nothing Autoerotic About Autoerotic Asphyxiation

All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues - It's Role Reversal Week on Craphole Island! Once Kate was useless; now she's a trained tracker. Once Locke was a crazy-eyed loon; now he's the calm voice of reason. Once Jack was a level-headed leader; now he plunges headlong into danger, risking the lives of others. Once Boone was God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity; now he's God's Friggin' Gift to Wedding Planning. And, finally, once Charlie was alive; now he's dead. Oh wait, now he's alive again.

Dan Kwa

I Can See How Ugly She'll Be When She's Old (The Psychic's Lament)

Raised By Another - Hurley is actually Hugo. Ethan is actually evil. Sawyer is actually helpful. The caves are actually the Rape Caves. And Thomas Kinkade is actually a crappy painter.

Dan Kwa

Drivin' Your Green With My Three-Iron of Love

Solitary - Sayid, on a trek to map the island, is caught in a snare, imprisoned, and tortured. He flashes back to his time spent as an interrogator in Iraq's Republican Guard. He meets Rousseau, steals her maps of the island, tries to convince her to join the castaways, and eventually ends up wandering in the jungle, terrified, as voices swirl around him. Meanwhile, everyone else plays golf. Dan Kwa wrote this recap in an hour flat, which means he had no damn time to write a clever Show Index Description, and instead cut and pasted the recaplet.

Dan Kwa

Just Because My Words Were Lies (Doesn't Mean My Love Weren't True)

Confidence Man - Kate knows that you attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. But Sawyer knows that what attracts the most flies of all is bullshit.

Dan Kwa

Digging in the dirt

The Moth - Jack's trapped in a cave-in. Getting him out has the double benefit of making Kate love him more and helping Charlie kick heroin. Sayid gets knocked out by someone. Also, if you watch really closely, you might see a moth or two, but it's quite subtle.

Daniel

That Girl From Pyongyang (Unfurled My Long Wang)

House Of The Rising Sun - This week's overly complicated backstory: Jin worked as an enforcer for Sun's father in Koreastralia. Sun almost left him for good at the Sydney airport, but gave him one more chance. Now she's stuck on an island with a bunch of people who don't know she speaks English. Meanwhile, Charlie gets stung by bees, Jack and Kate strip down, Michael gets beat up, and those two desiccated corpses just pretty much lie there.

Dan Kwa

Drink Deep Of My Sparkling Stream

White Rabbit - I guess you were watching Game Seven of the ALCS, huh? Me too. Turns out you missed the most blah episode of Lost yet, as Jack stumbles through the jungle searching for a hallucination of his dead father. His vision quest or whatever takes him to a cave and a freshwater stream. It's a metaphor. For leadership. Or maybe acceptance of death. Hard to say.

Dan Kwa

I Wanna Touch You Outback

Walkabout - Before the crash, Locke was a sad phone-sex addict who worked at Initech and used a wheelchair. Now he's a virile knife-thrower who can face a monster and drag a dead boar all the way to the beach. Plane crashes: Your ticket to a Brand New You!

Dan Kwa

Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

Tabula Rasa - Through extensive flashbacks to Olde Australia, we learn that...well, we learn that Kate got caught by Marshal Shrap, and she has a heart of gold, both of which we already knew. No one feels it necessary to tell us what crime she actually committed.

Dan Kwa

The Second Time Is Always the Sweetest Time (For Rammin')

Pilot, Part II - "Guys, where are we?" Charlie asks, and though in this second episode -- significantly better than the first -- we don't learn the answer to that question, we do learn a few things. The island has a polar bear and a radio transmitter, and the radio transmitter has been broadcasting the same SOS for 16 years. Kate was a prisoner being transported back to the States by a Federal marshal. Charlie's ridin' the horse, and Sayid was in the Republican Guard. Sawyer is an ass-kicker. Claire's baby is a belly-kicker. Walt has a dog. And Locke has a secret.

Dan Kwa

Sucked In

Pilot, Part I - Yes, there's been a plane crash. Yes, forty-eight people survived and have fetched up on the shore of an uncharted desert isle. Yes, Matthew Fox plays a brave and resourceful doctor who also has had some flying lessons. Yes, there's also a cowardly bassist, a reclusive Korean, a helpful lifeguard, a poor-spelling fat person, a pregnant skinny person, a protective father, and a bitchy bitch. And a dog. Yes, there are some extraneous casualties: a guy gets sucked into a jet engine, and the pilot of the plane gets killed by some kind of clanking, growling monster in the jungle. But no, thanks for asking, Dan Kwa hasn't ever watched Felicity or Alias, so he doesn't know what the hell you're talking about.

Dan Kwa