A recorder breaks the tranquil silence atop the snowy Mount Redoubt, near the Canadian border (shout-out?) in Washington State. What looks like a VW bus-type periscope bursts through the snow, and we go inside the van to see Langly shivering fiercely. On his TV screen, he sees a "whole lotta white," and says that this was a bad place to park the van. Byers says he should have dressed for the weather. Mom, is that you? I hear your voice, but only see Byers. ["I hope he didn't also go outside with wet hair; he'll get pneumonia!" -- Wing Chun] Langly says he has "forty-two" t-shirts on, and one of those had better be a Ramones shirt. I am so sad that Joey Ramone died, I can't even begin to tell you. Frohike -- all in white, out trekking on top of the snow in his snowshoes -- pipes through and says he has the poacher in his sights. Another person, all in white, skis by, oblivious to Frohike's presence. Frohike says the poacher is headed Jimmy's way; Jimmy is stupidly thrilled to be parked (all in black) with a telephoto lens, capturing whatever it is he's supposed to capture. He sees two men "of Asian extraction" cooling their heels, waiting for La Skier. Byers tells Jimmy -- code name "Snowflake" (shouldn't that just be "Flake?") -- to get a photo of the transaction, but La Skier just skis on by the Asian dudes. Our gun-dudes are like, you idiot, but Jimmy (Snow)Flake swears that no one saw him, and that he'll find out what went wrong. He slaps on his goggles, and we have a pratfall to look forward to. Goody. Ski ski ski, race race race, the bad guy in white swerves off and completes a transaction with a guy in black; Jimmy Flake shoots it, then skis right into a tree. Wham. As he lies comatose, the black-clad skier skis over and destroys the film, then splits. The camera spins around Jimmy Flake's head, then pulls up to show his leg looking all kinds of bent. Youch. Medic? Why is a xylophone playing?
Oh say can you see? The credits.
A doctor, who is clearly evil, is shining a light in Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy has amnesia. Isn't it funny that Jimmy ran face-first into a tree, but his face isn't bruised one bit? And isn't amnesia supposed to make people on television behave a little differently? Like, remember on Beverly Hills, when Kelly got shot and didn't die, but got amnesia, and for about three weeks didn't act like a total fucking bitch? That was almost pleasant. The Totally Evil Doctor invites Jimmy's visitors in, and it's the LGs, with flowers and a heart-shaped box of candy. They forgot the balloons, but whatever. Maybe visit. They get all exasperated because Jimmy doesn't remember what he saw. So, in the name of exposition...I mean, "bringing Jimmy up to speed," Byers tells it: they're on the case of an "ex-con, survivalist, did time for murder, totally anti-government nut job, who recycles his own urine." Gross! You had us at the first three, okay? Leave anything to do with urine -- saving, storing, or recycling -- way out of it, please. Anyway, the Urinator poaches grizzly bears. Aw! Bears are in danger, but the Urinator kills 'em for their gall bladders. They have to catch him bladder-handed, because it means a lot to Byers. A cute nurse walks in, and the LGs act casual. Or, like they're scared of cute nurses. They split, and the nurse is all, hi, I'm your nurse! Fly me! Coffee, tea, or me? Me nurse, you Jimmy, ungowa. You, amnesia patient, don't have a girlfriend? Yay! Oh, and she has to give Jimmy a shot in the ass, during which she acts completely unprofessional. The xylophone even plays. Then, post-injection, she offers him "anything [he] want[s]...sponge bath?" Jimmy, dense to a fault, asks for "lots and lots of cotton balls."
Somewhere in the Cascade Mountains, the LGs are parked in their van, spying on the Urinator. The van thermometer says it's, like, ten degrees, and Langly is still overacting...I mean, "shivering a lot." Frohike says that the Urinator is "so paranoid he makes us look normal." Apparently, he isn't wired at all, generates his own electricity, and has lots of Spam around. That, and the urine thing. When they see the Urinator sling a bearskin over a line outside his cabin, Byers growls, "Somebody ought to shoot and skin him!" Hello? The other LGs are like, what's wrong? Why are you taking this so personally? But we'll find that out in the last fifteen minutes, I'm sure. Byers hopes that Jimmy is trying to remember something. Yeah, right.
Jimmy's watching TV -- specifically, Fox's America's Most Wanted. Can I just say that I grew up in New York City, and in the late 1970s, a child was abducted and his parents didn't just let the police look for him. This was before the photos-on-milk-cartons thing, and before John Walsh was a TV personality. He was a dad whose son was taken from him. So, make fun of the show all you want, but it came from something real. In this context, of course, it's just to be lampooned, so I'll stop the serious shit now. So, Jimmy's chowing down on a huge bowl of Jell-O, and John Walsh tells him about a doctor who supposedly killed four of his patients. The Hot Nurse wheels in another patient; Jimmy has a roommate now. The channel changes to Fox News. Jimmy changes it back to the death doctor thing. Looking all sexy behind the curtain, Nurse Hornball tells Jimmy's neighbor -- who I think is The Man from Chico and The Man -- not to be a TV hog, and he yells back that he pays enough; why can't he have a private room? He's old and crotchety, okay. Nurse Hornball comes around and asks Jimmy to put up with the grouch, and oh, she has his "supplies" -- a box of tubing, those tongue-depressor sticks, and cotton balls. Jimmy says he wants to "re-enact the accident" to try to trip his memory. He'll do this by building a model. Nurse Hornball says "that's real interesting." It is? What is this, the Playskool "My First Hospital"? She makes more innuendos that Jimmy doesn't get, bounces around, and leaves. Jimmy switches over to more America's Funniest Unsolved Murders of the Region, gets a clue -- the death doctor loves candy -- and The Man switches it back. TV party tonight. All right!
Surgery. This isn't ER, so can I skip the gruesome details? No? Dang. Then I'll be brief: a doctor -- who may or may not be evil -- refuses to give more anesthesia to his conscious patient. He surveys the knee, says the patient will "dance" again, and asks the Clearly Evil Doctor to close up. The DWMOMNBE scrubs up, reattaches his eyebrow that is peeling off, and pops a lollipop into his maw as the CED watches the patient seize and die on the table. Bum bum buuumm!