In the Dog House

S01E04

Elsewhere, Dina-saur, Michael, and Nina chat at the kitchen table. Michael and Dina-saur talk about how the littlest Lohans call Michael all the time for advice and homework help. I don't know why they would look the gift horse that is "Long Island's Mother of the Year" in the mouth, but that's just me. Dina-saur interviews that it must be hard for Nina to understand the Lohan family's struggles. Over a series of stills, Michael details all of the stuff his family has gone through -- Dina-saur's divorce, Lindsay's many scandals, and Ali's career. (No comment on that last one. Too easy.) Michael says he took a fatherly role early since his namesake was generally "in and out" of the picture. Unlike Dina-saur, who was totally hands-on -- like that time she rushed away from a party at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone to put out a household fire.

Staged or not, Michael tucks Cody into bed that night. Later, he talks to Ali about going to Vegas to record her album, and he teases her about getting into trouble, and I must admit, I really kind of like Michael. I mean, he has oversized eyebrows, and he is a Lohan (with all the built-in douchery and mistrust that that implies), but I stand by my judgment. He's especially awesome when you consider how everyone in this family is just a pack of Ariva, a lesbian DJ, and a spare pair of pants away from being a certified shit show. Ultimately, Michael says he has faith in Ali, and that she has a good head on her shoulders and will handle herself just fine. Nina joins in on the love fest, giving the kids a kiss before sleep. Then she gives Michael a kiss before sleep, too...if you know what I mean.

The morning, Michael earns his place on the show in yet another way by folding clothes...shirtless. Everyone else hangs in the kitchen, and Dina-saur looks through the papers with a disgusted expression, lest we forget that those damn tabloids will never leave her alone! Outside, Ali plays with the family's 500 dogs, and Michael scoffs at how many dogs they have and how Ali won't actually take care of any of them. Cue scrappy dog montage.

Finally, we get to the dramatic set-up for this show's A-game action: Ali approaches Dina-saur about getting a dog. Dina-saur is incredulous, but Ali reiterates her theory that she needs a pet of her own. Dina-saur whines about all the pets she already has to watch. Ali VOs that she is a Lohan woman and will always get what she wants. She achieves this by being a big, fat brat about the whole situation, storming off, and slamming her door. Dina-saur responds, in turn, by implying Ali is immature, then...wait for it...slamming the door on her. Oh, snap!