Episode Report Card Sara M: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Are What You Eat
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.25.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.House's latest patient is an autistic boy, much to Foreman's chagrin, as in this episode he suddenly has no time or patience for people with disabilities. But treat him he must, even while House throws a temper tantrum and refuses to work in his office until Cuddy puts his old, blood-stained carpeting back. Instead, House works in other people's offices, including Evil Nurse Brenda's, Wilson's, Cuddy's, and God's. In between moving offices and fending off advances from last week's teenage girl with a scary crush, House figures out that the boy ate some sandbox sand with worm-infested raccoon poop in it, giving him special parasites that don't show up on any parasite test but can be seen waving around inside the kid's eyeball. Speaking of eyes, when Cuddy forces House to break it to the New Jersey Lolita that they can never be (using Casablanca quotes), he notices her milky tears and figures out that she has some disease that's making her act like a crazy stalker. It is quite a blow to House's ego. But then he saves the autistic boy's life and gets a PSP and actual eye contact from the boy as a reward in a scene that was probably sappy but also really touching. Meanwhile, Wilson does some more armchair psychology and figures out that House has Asperger's Syndrome. He doesn't, but he does have a strange jealousy of autistic people and their ability to flout social rules. He also gets his old carpet back when Cuddy loses her backbone. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A father asks his autistic son, named Adam, to identify certain pictures. Although Adam must struggle to overcome the blinding light of Autisto-vision, he tries. And fails. All he'll do is draw scribbly lines on a chalkboard. During lunch, Adam's parents conference about how Adam keeps drawing chalk lines instead of paying attention to his lessons. Dad demands that Adam ask for juice instead of banging his empty cup on the table. Adam responds to this by half-choking and screaming.
House tells the Cottages that their newest case is a "severely autistic" boy who's taken up screaming. Foreman thinks that this is hardly unusual, because autism and screaming go hand-in-hand. But House figures that Adam's parents know his regular screams from his "something's wrong" screams and, since this is the first time they've brought him to the ER after ten years of round-the-clock care, he is going to take their word for it. House also glances around his office and seems disturbed, something Cameron finds much more interesting than her latest case, the file for which she hasn't even bothered to pick up.
On their way down to the ER via elevator, House tells them to get all kinds of samples from Adam for all kinds of tests. "Because he screamed?" Cameron balks, apparently not having gotten it the first four times this was established. Chase, of course, is ready, willing, and able to give House everything he needs and not question his choice of cases. Foreman TMIs that last night he had a date who screamed, so maybe he should bring her to the ER, too. House says that PPTH is not a veterinary hospital, so, no. Well, you set yourself up for that one, Foreman, didn't you? House wishes them well trying to get a "lump with tonsils" into a nuclear scanner and takes off.
House marches into Cuddy's office to demand his old bloodstained office carpet back, punctuating his demand by slamming his cane onto Cuddy's desk so you know he's serious. She gets off the phone and says that she will not give him his hazardous biological waste-stained carpet back. Yeah, well, if it was that important to remove it, you'd think she would have done it in the few days after the shooting, when the biological waste was still actually hazardous. Instead, she waited three months. Too late, Cuddy. House says that he will not work in his office until the old carpet has been restored. She tells him that if he doesn't want to work in his office, he can work in the Clinic. And if he doesn't want to work there, he can go home and not get paid. "Attica! Attica!" House Dog Day Afternoons, banging his cane on the ground. This earns House nothing except a weirded-out glance from Cuddy, who is apparently not a Pacino fan.