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Patrick's turning forty, and the girls set to work making a scrapbook (or "memory book," as they call it) for him; especially notable is how much nicer Theresa is being to him. While selling some of his boxing memorabilia on QVC or an equivalent, Patrick shoots his mouth off once again about how he was robbed in the Reynolds fight, prompting Death Row himself to come to Patrick's house and challenge him to put up or shut up. (Don't think I've ever had occasion to use a literal meaning of that expression before.) Patrick isn't interested, but Omar, the hotshot kid Stacy Keach has been training, gets a shot at the middleweight title when some other fighter gets injured. In order to get the fight, though, Johnny has to beg Barry K., promoter of many big fighters including Reynolds, and when that doesn't work, possibly (this part isn't shown) to promise him that his brother will return to the ring. In any case, after Stacy Keach gets fed up with Omar's cocky attitude, he enlists Patrick's help, and Patrick uses his experience to scare some sense into the kid and get him to take his training seriously. In Atlantic City, Omar fights a super-disciplined fight until he has the heavily-favored champion reeling, but reverts to his cocky ways at the finish and ends up getting knocked out, much to Team Leary's chagrin. It sounds simple, but it's easily the best episode so far. I'm seriously looking forward to week now.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!HA! Okay, the very first shot is better than anything this show has done up until this point, as we open on a close-up of several Lights Leary bobbleheads, with the heads, you know, bobbling. A woman is talking, and when we cut to a normal shot, we see that Patrick is appearing on whatever the sports version of QVC is (which may well be QVC) to hawk some signed merchandise. We see Daniella and Johnny watching from the wings, the latter with a goofy grin on his face, as the woman plugs the bobbleheads and autographed boxing gloves before saying they have a special offer -- the gloves Patrick actually wore in his "second fight with Death Row Reynolds." Ah, so they have more history than that one fight we saw. Good. Patrick, smiling but with a trace of emotion underneath, tells the viewers there are "a lot of blood, sweat, and tears" on the gloves, which might be hard to get off after five years. The woman gives the starting price on the gloves as two grand, which she adds is a steal, although she doesn't clarify which way. She then takes a call from a "Billy from Bay Ridge," who tells the "champ" that he got "jobbed" last time before asking if he's going to fight Reynolds again. Buddy, he's selling bobbleheads. Does he look like he's about to come into a lot of cash? Patrick just smiles and says he's got nothing to prove - he and Reynolds both know who won the fight, "and it wasn't him."
Just then, the woman hears from the control room that the gloves have been bought - for twenty-five grand. And while I guessed who bought them - not too many choices when you think about who Patrick knows with that kind of money to burn - I was still intrigued as to why. While I'm tossing out compliments, I should say that I'm starting to appreciate the work Holt McCallany is doing here. I'm seeing a character that gets off on the extreme compartmentalization of his life almost to the point of sociopathy, which is interesting. I mean, we're two episodes in and there's not one person he's close with to whom he hasn't told at least one significant lie, yet he seems perfectly comfortable with what he's doing, and McCallany is selling that. Plus I guess it makes sense that you'd have a bit of the sociopath in you if you hit people for a living. Anyway, Patrick is understandably shocked, and asks whom the buyer is, but the woman tells him the gloves were bought anonymously before brightly asking the viewers, "So anybody gonna top that?" Honey, you already made your numbers for the month. Sit back and relax.
As Patrick and the girls arrive home, Daniella blabbers at him about his upcoming fortieth birthday (thank you, Mr. McCallany's people will send you a check), and Patrick does not want to hear about it, as Ava takes pains to point out. As the girls get their stuff out of the trunk, Patrick notices a car pulling slowly into the driveway, and I already told you I guessed who it is but I think the fact that I can feel the vehicle's subwoofer from here is a possible hint. The girls, oblivious, head into the house, with Daniella calling Katie "Veruca Salt" in order to express her opinion that she's acting like a brat, leaving Patrick free to head over to the ebony car. The tinted window rolls down...and it's Death Row Reynolds, holding the gloves he just purchased. He needles Patrick by saying he didn't know he was that hard up, but Patrick replies that it's just time to move on. "You should try it." Reynolds gets out of the car and, evenly enough, counters that he'd love to, but it's difficult with Patrick telling everyone who'll listen that he was robbed. "You shouldn't talk if you ain't gonna fight." Hate to sound like Omar last episode, but he's got a point, Patrick. Daniella, using some middle-child overachiever Spidey Sense, appears down the driveway as Reynolds goes on that gabbing is what punks do. "You a punk, Lights?" Patrick, in close now, says nothing, but Daniella isn't one to let the silence hang thickly for long and asks if Patrick's coming in. Patrick calls that "Mr. Reynolds" was just leaving, and after they stare at each other a moment longer, Patrick tells him not to come to his house again. Reynolds doesn't reply but presses the gloves into Patrick's hands before taking off, and Patrick, I know he didn't say anything but I still think he got the last word there. Oh, wait, he's talking -- "You know we gotta finish this, right?" Patrick's now-sullen face indicates that yeah, he's kind of aware of that. Credits.
So apparently there's a third brother, who's telling Stacy Keach that...oh, wait, it's Johnny. I was confused because his voice suddenly sounds like he's a twelve-year-old boy going through puberty. Seriously, I'm sick as a dog right now so I completely sympathize, but could a PA not have gotten Pablo Schreiber a decongestant? Maybe some peppermint tea? Anyway, Johnny is telling Stacy Keach that they need fighters who earn money to keep the gym open, and the shot they've been offered is too good to pass up. When Stacy Keach hears that it's only two weeks away, though, he balks, but Johnny says that's why he needs Stacy Keach. "You can get him ready." Just then, Patrick walks in and points out he hasn't fought in five years, and wonders if Johnny's trying to get him killed for his birthday, but Johnny chokes out that he's talking about Omar -- some dude got cut during training and the promoter needs a replacement for the title fight. Speaking of the promoter, however, Patrick notes that it's a Barry K. Word fight, and Patrick wonders why he would give Omar a shot when he's got six of his own guys he could put in. Johnny points out that he and Barry dealt on Patrick's fights with Reynolds and both made a ton of money, and when Patrick opines that they hated each other's guts, Johnny counters that everyone hates Barry K. "He doesn't take it personal, and besides, he owes me a favor." Patrick, amused, asks if Johnny got him a hooker in Vegas once, but Stacy Keach tells "both of yous" to shut the hell up before pointing out that Omar is a super-middleweight and eight pounds over the limit, but Johnny tells him there's plenty of time to make weight. Well, sure, losing eight pounds is one thing, but getting used to fighting at that new weight is another, but Stacy Keach agrees at least to work with him that day. "But don't say anything to him until I have a chance to really..." and at that moment Omar comes in with the newspaper and says the shot is his. Johnny tells him it sure is - he already cleared it with the network, so he just needs Barry K. to sign off on the arrangement. Wow, I never noticed until this shot, but Pablo Schreiber is towering over Omar, and I just looked him up and saw him listed as six foot five. Patrick's of course a total bruiser, but I'm thinking being in the ring with Johnny would be no picnic either. Well, unless he's doing what we saw the last time he was in there. Omar tells Johnny he'd better get him the fight or he'll have to sign with Barry K. himself, and after he's gone, Patrick looks like his price to beat the crap out of Omar would be significantly less than what he took for the dentist.
Cut to a large reception area, in which a woman answers the phone with "Barry K. Word Enterprises." A slow pan right lets us see Johnny is waiting in a chair that's entirely too small for him, and it's apparently been a while, as he good-humoredly remarks that instead of magazines, they should have War and Peace on the table. He gets up and moves closer to the receptionist as he speculates that she must deal with a lot of agitated people, and she acknowledges that that's her job but adds that these days she feels lucky to have one. Johnny then notices a picture of a young girl and coos appreciatively, and the woman offers that she's a single mom before wondering why she tells guys that right off the bat. Because...if they're going to run screaming into the night, probably best to know now? Johnny, of course, is sympathetic given his newly-single status and offers that it gets lonely, and then smooves (actually, he is working this pretty well) that thanks to her, the last three hours have been bearable, but could she possibly check what's up for him?
She accedes to his request and heads out, and while she's gone, Johnny takes the opportunity to take a quick look at the calendar on her desk before she returns and tells Johnny she's sorry - she knows he had an appointment, but Barry's stuck in Atlanta. Amazingly, Johnny's head doesn't explode upon hearing that news, and he limits his retort to offering that that would have been good information to have, say, two hours and fifty-nine minutes ago. Seriously, though, she didn't even know her boss wasn't in the office? Isn't that information people keep track of religiously? I'm not talking about for competence's sake, but how else are you going to know when your best goof-off periods are? Johnny focuses on what's in front of him in suavely introducing himself and then leaning in close and asking if "Tracy" knows if they've found a replacement for the injured fighter, and Tracy whispers she doesn't think so. "They're still scrambling." He smiles: "Who isn't?" and then takes off, Tracy watching him fondly as he goes. Nice to see him behave like a normal human being for once, even if it's in the form of scamming on a single mother.
As Ava texts away in the background, the two younger girls sit on the sofa with Theresa, who muses that their dad is tough as far as birthday presents go. She wonders about golf, saying he does play a lot of charity events, but Katie pipes up that Patrick says golf is just "an excuse for fat guys to pretend they're athletes." I always thought of it as an opportunity to get wasted while pretending you're exercising, but I guess those are two sides of the same coin. (I don't play golf but I went out with my business partner once. They sell beer on the course! You don't even have to wait until you're done! Who are they kidding?) Theresa and her Queen's English says she forgot, and wonders if he'd like "another cooking class," which I guess at least explains the pancakes, but Daniella suggests a "memory book - a scrapbook with pictures, mementos from his life?" So, a scrapbook, then. Ava counts herself out, saying she's going to respect Patrick's wishes that they not do anything, and subtextually adding that scrapbooking and their heavyweight-champion dad should not be mentioned in the same sentence, or at least that's what I took away from it. Daniella the spot-blower-upper yells that she just wants to go to a show with Brent that night, and Theresa adds that she's not going out on her father's birthday. After the inevitable answering door-slam, Theresa tells Daniella it's a great idea and suggests a couple relatives she can call. "They never throw anything away." Yup, that's WASPs for you.
Omar is jumping rope and sweating profusely (he's wearing several layers, which is par for the course when you're cutting weight) as three friends of his watch; one of them is doing a psych-up rap about Omar Assarian The Armenian's boxing proficiency while the other two give some supporting gestures and "Yo, that's how shit is" faces while Patrick watches from the ring with a deliciously WTF look on his face. Omar finishes up, and his people swarm around him to towel him off and stick a banana in his face, prompting Patrick to wonder in disbelief, "You can't peel your own bananas?" Omar evenly says the one fat guy in the group is his nutritionist, and the guy, in an awesome Bayonne duh voice, is like "Potassium!" Hee. I'll admit it; this show is drawing me in. Patrick then asks about the rap, and Omar tells him they're working on a song for his ring walk, and "Bazooka" is the hottest MC in Armenia.
Stacy Keach takes a look at what's going on as Patrick steps down from the ring and tells Omar he can't take his friends in the ring with him -- he has to go alone. He seems sincere in trying to get through to the kid, but Omar doesn't hear him, and then Stacy Keach calls Patrick over and asks what he's busting Omar's balls for. Patrick points out, as he puts it, that Omar's head is up his ass, but Stacy Keach replies, "Best natural talent we've ever had, besides your brother." On the one hand, I'm intrigued by the idea that Johnny was a boxing phenom, and maybe he's not counting Patrick when he says that (if he is, it's kind of dickish), but look, Stacy Keach, you may be an amazing actor but your coaching leaves so much to be desired. Patrick tries to argue that Omar needs at least two fights before he's ready to take on "Harris," who's a "beast," but Stacy Keach counters that he wants his shot. Patrick continues to press his case, saying he doesn't want to blow Omar out for some short money, but Stacy Keach stands firm, and then Johnny comes in and lies to Omar that he got him the fight. Patrick stands there like, "Yeah, my wife's a pill, but I think it might be time to get out of this goddamn place and go home."
And here we are, the morning, in the kitchen as Ava's loudly emptying the dishwasher and Patrick, as seems usual, is cooking breakfast. Katie then comes down the stairs with Theresa in tow, and after some discussion of how nice they both look and how Theresa is presenting a case that afternoon, Patrick suggests they screw that afternoon, and Theresa tells him he'll have to stay horned up until his birthday. I'm hardly paraphrasing, really.
Omar is sparring as Stacy Keach tries to get him to stop dropping his arm; on the sidelines, Patrick asks some guy who must work at the gym what's going on, since his father didn't show up to physical therapy. The guy mutters that Stacy Keach has been on his feet all morning without a break, and Patrick grimly notes that Omar keeps making all the same mistakes. And even Stacy Keach is tired of Omar's showboating, as he gets rid of the sparring partner and starts drilling with Omar, smacking him in the side of the head every time he drops his arm. Patrick calls to Stacy Keach that maybe he should take a break, but Stacy Keach isn't having that: "We are gonna work until he listens!" Oh, Stacy Keach. You're one crochety mofo. He kicks Omar's friends out and gets back to work, and Patrick snaps, "Where the hell is Johnny?"
Well, since you ask, he's back at Barry K.'s office, and I'm guessing he checked this time to make sure he's at least there. Some guy is babbling to a friend about how he was supposed to meet Barry in Atlanta the day before and he never showed, and it's a pretty good performance to miss appointments on different sides of the country in the same day. Tracy tells Johnny she's sorry, but Barry has to reschedule; however, when Johnny comes rushing over to her desk, she whispers that he's headed out the back door, and Johnny can still catch him. He thanks her and heads for the stairs...
...and catches Barry on the sidewalk, who dismisses the non-speaking extras he's with. Johnny pitches Omar as the replacement - he's good-looking, undefeated, crowd-pleasing, and has a great human-interest angle - but Barry OH MY GOD, THAT VOICE! I didn't get it with the shaved head at first, but Barry is Martin Querns from Oz! Love that guy! (The actor's name is Reg E. Cathey, by the way.) Things continue to look up here. Anyway, Barry is polite enough not to yawn in Johnny's face, but tells him how shit is: "Omar Assarian is a dancer who can punch but won't sell a single ticket. Too much risk, no reward, ain't gonna happen. Evuh." He gets into his limo, but rolls down the window to add, "But listen, Johnny, if you can get me a piece of ass like that time in Vegas? I'll get you ringside seats." Ha! Johnny begs for the chance to send Barry some tape on Omar, but he's talking to exhaust fumes at this point.
Patrick stuffs some cash into an envelope, seals it, and then looks at the front, on which we see it's addressed to a "Mae Kavanaugh" in a "Joliet, IL." Oh, Patrick, you don't mail cash! And it's not like you can afford to lose it, either! On the other hand, I wonder who this woman is. Maybe that paternity suit Patrick said was bullshit wasn't, so much? He drops it in the box just as Corrupt Cop and his partner pull up; Corrupt Cop tells him about finding Patrick's iPod on a murder victim -- the dude who worked at the Portuguese bakery. Despite the fact that the picture Corrupt Cop shows him is very clear, Patrick doesn't positively ID the guy, which seems ridiculous since he's the one that told Corrupt Cop on the night of the robbery that it was that guy that sold him the cake. I mean, I'm sure he's worried about being linked in any way to a murder, but still. Corrupt Cop asks him to give a call if he remembers anything, and drives off...
...and it's time for scrapbooking! Actually, this is a sweet scene; Katie finds a receipt for an old plane ticket, which Theresa explains came from Patrick - he sent her a ticket to a fight he had in Rome, but she didn't go. "I'd only just met him." But...but...ROME! Are you made of stone, woman? She tells the story of how they met -- she was working as a physician's assistant in Buffalo, and Patrick came in with a cut over his eye, which is a nice callback to the opening scene of the series. She had to stitch him up because all the doctors were working on the dude Patrick knocked out, which is funny in a very ghoulish way, and she recalls that she liked the fact that he was more concerned about the other fighter than he was about himself. Well, sure, that's nice, but he had a little cut on his eye and the other dude needed a team of doctors to live through the night. A little perspective, perhaps. Theresa goes on that Patrick kind of asked her out that first night, but she knew he would get on a plane and she'd probably never hear from him again; however, he started sending her first-class plane tickets to his few fights. Well, I can see how she got used to the idea of having money. "Finally, he sent me a plane ticket to London and I gave in." Sure, everyone likes a free ticket home.
Theresa recalls that Patrick had a limo pick her up with a hundred white roses in it, and then Ava comes in and says she's heard the story a hundred and one times, but Katie tells her she hasn't. Simple reflection of her age, or comment on the fact that Theresa doesn't tell fond stories about Patrick like she used to? Regardless, it's nice to hear it; I was beginning to wonder why these two were married at all. Daniella holds out an article she got from her grandfather (don't know which one, the only name I've heard for Stacy Keach is "Pops"), and Ava says it's about the first big fight Patrick lost, "New York, against Curtis, one fight away from the championship." At Theresa's surprise, she explains, "It's all on YouTube." Heh. Daniella wonders if she should leave it out, but Theresa demurs: "He learned a lot of important things that night." Like if you don't score as many points as the other guy, you lose. Daniella asks how Theresa could stand seeing Patrick take all those punches, but Theresa says she had to support him (no one follows up by asking why, then, she made him quit), and she'll try to support Daniella in whatever she does. Daniella: "Even if it's something that hurts me?" Well, that's what the ultimatum down the road is for!
At the gym, Omar comes up to Patrick and tells him to have Stacy Keach get off his ass, and also not to screw with his boys. "They don't play that shit." Having met some Armenians, I wouldn't take that lightly, but Patrick calmly replies that it's Stacy Keach's gym, and besides, Omar should start listening before he blows it. "All this cute shit ain't gonna work against Monty Harris." Omar doesn't want to hear it, but Patrick goes on that he's been where Omar is, riding an undefeated streak, but the first time he stepped up (in quality of opponents, I assume he means -- we've already established that Omar's going down in weight class) he "almost got murdered" - by the Curtis dude Ava just mentioned. Patrick adds that it took him five years to recover from that, career-wise, but Omar flippantly tells the "old man" to save his war stories, and even gives Patrick a bit of his gear to "sell on QVC after I'm champ. Make yourself some real money."
Now, the look on Patrick's face would send me running not only out of the gym but at least halfway across town, but he displays admirable restraint in letting Omar saunter off without clocking him one. Stacy Keach then wanders back, and when Patrick assures him he wasn't messing with his fighter, Stacy Keach snorts that he should feel free, as Omar's driving him crazy. He then apologizes for being "such a hard-on" earlier, but he's feeling the time pressure, especially since if they do it right, Omar is perfect for Harris and his style. With passion in his voice, he adds that Omar could win if he would just listen, and Patrick, seemingly sincerely, tells Stacy Keach he believes him, but that doesn't change the fact that he's got to take care of himself. "Are you even taking your meds?" If they're to treat crabbiness, I'd guess no, as evidenced by Stacy Keach saying that if Omar loses, they'll have to close, and then he'll have plenty of time to take care of himself. Patrick has no answer for that, so Stacy Keach wanders off. After taking a moment, Patrick starts to do the same, but stops when in the mirror, he sees a shirtless Omar snorting something in the locker room. Patrick's face: "AWE-some."
Johnny's listening to a message from his ex-wife that, if you excise the non-naughty words, goes "Balls goddamn balls ball-less [sack of] shit." I mean, she's pissed because she didn't get a child support check, but I have a feeling this is pretty much their standard interaction. This scene, which was obviously filmed near the first one given the fact that Johnny's voice is back to "Blooming Choir Boy," takes place in Johnny's office, in which Patrick tells Johnny that Omar's doing blow. Johnny: "It's not blow. It's meth." Oh, phew! Shockingly, this does not soothe Patrick, and he asks what's going on, so Johnny tells him this is how MMA guys do it -- it helps them make weight and they can train all night. Patrick asks how, then, Omar will pass the drug test, getting this answer: "You don't want to know." The look on Patrick's face, however, demurs, so Johnny tells him that Brennan's brother is the [Boxing] Commission doctor. Patrick tells Johnny they really shouldn't be messing with Brennan anymore, since the baker who broke into his car ended up dead, but Johnny's all "Random act, brother. Random act." Pretty hilarious given that even the breaking into the car part wasn't random. Patrick asks if Stacy Keach knows about the meth, and upon hearing that he doesn't of course, says that they used to have integrity at this gym, and he doesn't want any part of it. Johnny gets off a decent comeback when he's like, "Integrity? Are you kiddin' me? This is boxing!" He adds that Patrick just broke a guy's arm for a payday, which gets Patrick to close to door and stare menacingly at him. Oh, good, we can finally settle which brother is the more talented boxer! Johnny, unintimidated, says they're going to lie, cheat, and steal if they have to. "We just have to survive now." And for all Patrick's talk about honesty, it looks like he'd rather do what Johnny's proposing than come clean to his wife.
Later, in his kitchen, Patrick's chopping vegetables when the phone rings. After he answers, he complains to the person on the other end, "But I got a nice meal goin'!" He may be Irish, but that sure sounded like something a New York Italian friend of mine would say. He hangs up and calls Daniella and Ava to set the table...
...but they're busy working on the scrapbook. Daniella finds a baby photo and asks Ava if it's her, and she says yes. "Look how happy I was before you came along!" Heh. Patrick yells at them again and then discovers that smoke is coming out of the oven, which migrates to his ears as he kicks the oven door in frustration and then stomps up the stairs. He insists that the girls open the door, which they take a minute to do, and it doesn't take long before Ava's temper flares as well and she stomps off to her room with a "Screw you!" I'm guessing that's going to become her catchphrase. He pounds on the door rather roughly, getting some flashes to acts of violence he's committed since the show began, and then gets snapped out of it when a crying Daniella softly murmurs "Dad?" He turns to look at her...
...while we then turn to look at Johnny's bare ass, which is thrusting away as he bones Tracy on the copier in what I'm guessing is Barry K's supply room. Hey, single parenting isn't all school lunches and responsibility! They do that thing that only happens on TV where both parties climax at the same time, or perhaps they do that thing where they both pretend to climax at the same time, which I'm guessing is far more frequent in real life. Tracy and her heaving fake breasts (I don't usually pay attention, but it's impossible not to notice at this angle) then try to give him the obligatory speech about how she's not a ho, which hilariously is impeded in both execution and meaning by the way she's still panting, and after Johnny's like, oh NO, me neither, he suggests that they needed it, which I'll certainly grant. She then tells him that Barry's staying at the Pierre Hotel; even though he protests that that's not why he's there, she tells him it's cool: "You just get the fight and then we'll go out for a nice dinner, okay?" Sure. But if he's planning to take you on the table, double-check that they're cool with that, okay? He assures her that they'll go out to dinner no matter what, and leaves, but pops back to ask if Barry's registered under his own name. Heh, but Tracy does him one better: "Mr. Sanford. Mr. Fred Sanford." HA! This episode's kind of on fire, you guys.
We get a shot of Johnny greasing the door dude's palm at the Pierre, then cut to upstairs, where Barry, dressed in a satin robe, is on his balcony playing a saxophone, and seriously, I think I love this guy. The doorbell (well la dee dah) rings, and when Barry answers, it's Johnny, wearing a bellman's jacket, holding a tray, and brightly offering this: "Your dinner, Mr. Sanford." Heh. Cut to Johnny throwing every offer he can think of Barry's way -- rematch clauses, options on Omar's future, an agreement to co-manage with Barry K. Jr. -- while he pours Barry the wine just as a real server would, which is hilarious. No reason to stop acting obsequious now. However, Barry and his awesomely sexy voice say that while he appreciates the "pageantry," he's going to go with Angel Martinez. "He's gonna bring all those Puerto Rican fans with him to AC and he can't hurt my guy with a two-by-four." He does mention, however, that the contracts haven't yet been signed, so Johnny slumps down in a chair and then literally gets on his knees as he says he's got to have this fight, and he'll beg. Well, it may be undignified, but at least he's putting his money where his mouth is, given what he said to Patrick earlier. Barry, however, is difficult to move: "There's only one thing you got that I'm interested in."
Yes, the ensuing cut to Patrick is hardly subtle, but he is the lead character, so let me tell you he's sitting morosely in front of the house sneaking a cigarette when a car pulls in. He quickly snuffs the butt, and then Theresa walks up and, uncharacteristically sympathetically, says she heard he had quite a night. He apologetically tells her he's sorry, as she's working hard and doesn't need "this crap," and Theresa sits and asks what's going on. He tells her he and Ava are butting heads all the time and no one's listening to him, so Theresa has to come clean that they're planning something for his birthday before asking again what's really going on. He tells her one of the things that's on his mind, that being that Stacy Keach and Johnny are pushing Omar way too fast in order for the gym to be involved in a title shot. "A loss will break this kid. I can tell." Theresa points out that Patrick's been there, and he can help Omar in a way no one else can, so he should, essentially, stop feeling sorry for himself and try harder to get involved. "A new champ at the gym is good for everybody and it takes a lot of pressure off you. Let someone else take the punches." Okay, this Theresa can stay. Sometimes it's just a small adjustment to make a character likable. She puts a hand on his head...
...and then the day, Omar is telling his boys that he's not sure what he wants first after he wins the title, "a cheeseburger or a piece of ass." They do both have something to recommend them. Patrick then strolls up and commandingly tells Omar he wants to show him something, a surprise. He has him leave the Armenian Stooges behind and beckons him into a small utility room or something, and when they're inside, he turns the lights off. Or, if you prefer, he turns the Lights Out LOOK WHAT THEY DID THERE. Omar gets a little freaked out and tries to leave, but Patrick stops him and intones, "I want you to see what you really have." He clarifies his point, saying that Omar doesn't have any money, the weight he lost was unearned, and his stupid friends will ditch him the moment he loses. "All you have is what's in this room. This is what you take into the ring." He adds that he can't be afraid of the dark; instead, he has to be ready for it. "I can help you." I think we just heard the boxing equivalent of "These aren't the 'droids you're looking for."
Patrick and Omar are jogging near a bridge as the former coaches the latter, saying if he gets hit, he can't hit right back or smile to proves he's okay -- "no macho shit, or you'll wind up in the locker room, wondering what the hell happened." Cut to the ring at the gym, wherein Patrick tells Omar not to hesitate to lock his opponent up until the ref pulls them apart, even if the crowd boos. After a little jogging and good-natured ribbing, Omar's back in the ring, with Stacy Keach shouting instructions at Omar as Patrick observes. Omar indeed seems to have cut out his undisciplined habits, and as Stacy Keach cautions him that the punch he doesn't see coming will be the one that knocks him out, he sends his sparring partner to the deck...
...and then it's time for the pre-fight press conference, with Barry K. introducing both undefeated fighters and crowing about the hate he claims they obviously have for each other as Patrick watches with interest...
...and then Theresa and a shirtless Patrick are getting into bed as Theresa asks him if training boxers is something he'd want to do. Patrick reasonably says he'd like to see how Omar does first, prompting Theresa to ask if Patrick will be in his corner. Patrick tells her of course not, since it's his birthday, but she tells him he put a lot into Omar, and they could postpone until the following weekend. Seriously, where did this Theresa come from? Patrick, however, says that things have been rocky with the girls and they put a lot of effort into whatever it is they're doing, and Theresa tells him whatever he decides is fine -- he'll still get his special surprise. As she turns off the light, he reaches a hand over, and after a few seconds: "On your birthday." Heh. On the other hand, I was just reminded of the body Patrick's packing, so Theresa, it's not like it'd be a hardship assignment here.
Stacy Keach (wearing a "Team Omar" jacket, nice) and Patrick exit the gym as the former says he'd like the latter in the enemy's dressing room when his hands are wrapped. "We don't want no loaded gloves." They...don't check that? Okay. Patrick, however, says Stacy Keach will have to send "Tito," as it's his birthday, and Omar knows and he's cool with it. I still think it's odd that he's only telling Stacy Keach this now, and that Stacy Keach didn't remember it's Patrick's birthday, but at least they've established that communication is not this family's strong suit. Stacy Keach sincerely thanks Patrick for all his help, and then Omar appears and deferentially (and also nervously) asks Stacy Keach if it's okay for his boys to come to the fight. Stacy Keach nods his assent, and Patrick playfully tells him he's got to have Bazooka for his ring walk. Aw, damn, show, you got me rooting for this kid. Nice job. And hey, I just looked up the actor's (Pedro Pascal) credits, and he played Eddie in the Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode "The Freshman"! Unfortunately, I have the feeling this appearance is going to end up about as well as that one did. Stacy Keach tells Patrick that Johnny's going to meet them in AC, and then everyone who's going gets into the white stretch job before them and takes off, leaving Patrick standing in front of the "Leary's Gym: Home of Champions" sign. Oh, dear.
Johnny pulls up in front of some Chinese restaurant and tells Dylan to hang out a minute. We see the guy inside pull out a notebook, so I guess Johnny's laying some side action down. If he's smart, he'll be betting against Omar as a hedge. Hey, I'm not saying he's not! Just putting it out there!
Musical montage! As Dan Auerbach's "When The Night Comes" plays, the family sets up for the birthday celebration as Patrick sips a drink and smiles in their direction. Omar gets warmed up in his dressing room. Theresa proposes a toast -- she thanks Patrick for all the sacrifices he's made on their behalf. She adds that she knows it hasn't been easy -- Patrick takes the chance to needle Ava here -- but in her heart, he'll always be a champion. Aw, that's nice. They toast. Stacy Keach tells Omar that they know Harris, but he doesn't know them, so they've got a surprise for him. He reminds him to stay away from his power, stick to jabbing him, and not to drop his right arm, and he'll win. He gives Omar a few more exhortations, and then Johnny pops in and tells Omar he was born for this. Patrick opens the scrapbook, and it looks really good, so I hope he thanks the props team as well as the girls. Omar and his group walk out to the ring. The family flips through the book, with one picture we see of a Patrick and Johnny as kids...and in drag? They may be a family of Irish boxers, but there's no gender stereotyping here! Patrick is kind of thrilled to see that Theresa kept the ticket to Rome, although I'm pretty sure it's irredeemable at this point...oh, it's that sentiment thing I keep hearing about. He's also gratified to see that Stacy Keach wrote something to a picture of the two of them fishing when Patrick was a kid, and then we see a picture of Patrick from the night he won the title...
...at which point we're done with instrumentation and singing, because Bazooka is doing his thing. He raps about the Armenian Warrior and whatever, and after a quick cut to Patrick being served his cake, we're back in the ring. We then see Patrick blowing out his candles and then after his, um, special surprise, but while Theresa is asleep and draped over him, his eyes are wide open...
...and we cut to near the end of Round 10, as the commentator is saying that no one thought Omar would still be around at this point. We observe him executing Stacy Keach's game plan to a T as the commentator marvels at how disciplined he's being, and then we see Patrick on the couch watching and chomping on some popcorn as another commentator notes that Omar could be Stacy Keach's first champion since Patrick. When we head back to the live action, Omar is really giving Harris a pounding to the point where you expect little cartoon birds to start circling, but after Omar lands a hard one-two, he starts dancing and taunting a bit, which you know is bad news. Stacy Keach yells at him to "cut that shit out," and he goes in for the finish, but Harris apparently is not as out of it as Omar thought, because the moment he drops his right -- the fight choreography here is really, really good -- the champ swings around with a huge bolo left and gets in a pretty nasty right too before Omar falls to the deck. Daaaaamn. He gives getting up a feeble effort, but it's not happening, and he's quickly counted out. The commentator calls the fight over, and Patrick falls back on the sofa in dismay...and we're out. Damn, I think this show's got me after all! See you week.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. He writes about film and television on his blog "Pull Up A Chair," which he would just love for you to visit. Also, you can follow him on Twitter here, or get information about his most recent film "East Fifth Bliss," starring Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu, and Peter Fonda, here.