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We open on a ceremony of union -- but it's not what you're thinking. It's the official reinstatement of Cate and Baze as Lux's parents. The cork is barely popped on the celebratory champagne before it becomes clear that Cate and Ryan are in the weeds wedding-wise. They have their rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that night, but the venue for the dinner just called to cancel on account of major plumbing issues. Yes, Cate and Ryan's wedding is literally drowning in shit. In either a Machiavellian maneuver or a gesture of shocking stupidity, Lux volunteers Baze's bar for the rehearsal dinner. It seems to be the latter as Lux makes it known she is keen for Baze to reveal his feelings for Cate. But first Baze has to get through a whole pile of hate for his dickhead dad, who hasn't bothered to pick up the phone since their heart-to-heart over turtle racing.
In fact, family drama is in no short supply this episode. Ryan's parents, though long-divorced, are still pretty bitter at how their marriage ended. Cate's mom, meanwhile, manages to destroy Cate's hopes that she, too, can have her wedding cake and eat it too, all while molesting Ryan's dad and downing about half a box of wine an hour. In short, all the gnats buzzing around Cate and Baze's ear are adding up to one all-consuming buzz over whether either, both, or none of them has changed. Cate's mom thinks Cate is anxious about the wedding because she's projecting and is still the same commitment-phobic chip off her dad's block as ever. Baze's dad has no insights, but plenty of insults -- all of which add up to Baze realizing he sucks at love because his dad is a world-class prick.
But it's too late! After all of her urging fell short, Lux decided to be a damn grown-up and stop fantasizing about the dysfunctional family that would be Cate, Baze and her. She tells Cate that Ryan is the real deal (which he proved by promising to postpone the wedding for her) and that she has a security and a real, non-masochistic love with him that she'll never have with Baze. So the flip-floppy couple finally walk down the aisle, exchange their vows, and make it official -- just seconds, mind you, before Baze busts all up in the place like some half-baked, too-little-too-late homage to Benjamin Braddock. Cate barely bats an eyelash before taking Ryan's face in her hands and delivering a nuptial kiss that's equal parts "Fuck you" and "I choose me (and I guess Ryan)." Baze nearly implodes for the hurt -- that he brought on himself, mind you. And Lux can only look down in shame for setting all the dominoes up to fall in such a contrived, inglorious fashion. Ah, weddings! They always make me hurl.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Two teens + one bastard baby + 16 years = A whole mess of trouble. And that's without factoring in a fiancé (albeit a shockingly level-headed one), a sister who will steal the man right out from under you, four parents who don't barely deserve to be called parents, a couple of ragamuffin kids who've been ping-ponging their way around the foster system for the last decade and a half, and a cadre of nimrod frat-boy friends who can always be counted on to dole out truly horrendous advice. Now, when you factor all that in, that's when you get Life Unexpected.
It's another morning in Portland, and a rather glorious one, luckily, since it'll be the last we see of these whippersnappers for some time. Intercut with audio of a Justice of the Peace talking about coming together on this day to celebrate, how it's a day that's been a long time in the making, etc., Cate and Lux put on their finery and head to City Hall. Once there, they greet Baze with equally happy faces, and you know it's Lux's adoption ceremony, not Cate's wedding. I am certain their faces would read a bit different on that particular trip to City Hall. The Judge tells Lux that her dream, unlike many others, is becoming a reality. He pronounces her no longer a ward of the state and grants full joint custody to Cate and Baze, then congratulates the new family. The case worker takes a picture of the gang, during which Cate and Baze clutch hands behind Lux's back. Scandal! Did I mention he's wearing a tux-like suit with white piping around the lapel? That might be more scandalous. Seriously, Baze? As Lux thanks her case worker for everything, Cate and Baze unclasp hands, ever so slowly, ever so reluctantly, like Baby and Johnny in Dirty Dancing when they get back from the Sheldrake... except, well, way less magic because there is no Swayze involved. Sigh...
They get back home, where Cate pops some champagne and makes Lux promise to tell no one that getting all boozy was their first official undertaking as a family. Lux teases that they've all done worse. They toast to all the "worse" things they've done, from throwing illegal keg parties to getting arrested and so on. Cate wraps up the toast, raising her mimosa "to break-ups... breakdowns" and feigns shock that she and Baze are getting along -- "It's almost like I like you!" They finally settle on a toast to family.
Ryan enters as they're sipping. It's unnecessarily awkward. He tells Cate their wedding rehearsal is all set for that night, then asks Lux if the adoption is official. She says yes, and he smiles that tomorrow is his turn. Baze breaks up the strained silence by running out of there like a man on fire. Lux tries to object, but by then the phone's rung, and Cate is stressing because Abby has contracted food poisoning. Ryan follows behind her as she freaks out, leaving Lux to ask if Baze is planning to say anything to Cate before (or perhaps during, knowing Baze) the wedding. Baze says he's avoiding all things wedding. Lux thinks it's crap they should all lie instead of just facing the uncomfortable truth. Baze tells her that's the number one rule of being a family.
Cate is still on the phone bitching at her mother that Abby better be accessorized with an IV drip at the wedding, and, from the sounds of it, Sister Sluttiest may just be. You know she will use that shit to pick up men. As Cate recognizes that her thrown-together-in-two-weeks wedding won't be perfect, her producer comes in with the wedding favors ("Cate & Ryan" shot glasses courtesy of Cate's alky mom) and a contract from the radio station. They want to grab hold of all the damage control with the engagement they missed and, thus, have decided to lock Cate and Ryan into a five-year contract.
Ryan tries to hold a firm line, but they are met with more pressing issues when Lux answers the phone to find that the rehearsal dinner venue is having massive plumbing issues. Baze tries to flush himself out with all this bullshit as Cate practically breaks out in hives at all the things going wrong. Lux suggests Baze's bar as the best (read: only) option to host their rehearsal dinner this late in the game. Baze sheepishly says Friday is a big night for the bar, so Ryan offers to cover all the losses. Baze continues to demur until Cate gets serious, saying unless there is some other reason than money, he has no choice but to take their business. Lux gives him a pointed look, and Baze is officially a part of this wedding whether he likes it or not. Credits.
Bar. As wedding minions prep the place for the dinner, Lux tells Baze to drop the dramatics and stop running away from his problems. She urges Baze to come clean, saying Cate might feel something, too. Baze thinks she wouldn't be marrying Ryan if she felt anything for him. Baze's father enters the bar, cutting off the conversation, and Lux shares the good news that he is officially her grandfather again. He proves he's still the prick we've come to know and loathe by saying to Baze, "Oh... I'm sure your mother will be happy to hear that." Lux extricates herself from the dysfunction by making her way to the rehearsal.
Baze explains he didn't call his father about the ceremony because they decided it should only be the three of them. Mr. Bazile curtly says it's no big deal, he's only come knocking for the rent. Baze notes it's been a long time since they've talked -- specifically since the night Mr. B showed up really late to share a beer and mend old fences. Glad to see that stuck! Baze apologizes if he's hurt his dad's feelings. Mr. B harshly says he should have never expected much from Baze because Baze hasn't changed. He walks out, saying Baze can mail him the rent.
Rehearsal. Cate and Ryan's producer tries to wrangle all the various wedding party and family members, including but not limited to Ryan's parents, who hate each other, and Cate's mom, who's happy to be in a long line of Ryan's dad's adultery buddies. Keepin' it classy, Ms. Cassidy! Ryan half-jokes about rearranging the seating chart, but Cate's mind is elsewhere. She has been mulling over the five-year contract they were presented that morning and thinks there's no reason not to sign it unless they're not convinced they'll be together for the five years. Ryan isn't quick to agree, and she interprets that as his uncertainty that they'll make it five years. She's not off-base. He correctly points out that their relationship has been full of ups and downs, and that those bumps along the way have only been intensified by their show of late. He says they shouldn't lock themselves in to anything. It's the kind of realistic, pragmatic point you really don't want to hear from your fiancé at your wedding rehearsal. Why don't they whip out the pre-nup while they're at it? Romance!
Cate -- did I mention she's wearing black to her own rehearsal? Good omen! -- walks away coldly as Lux runs in. Ryan smiles that he thought Lux might be a no-show. She gives him a pained look, which is pretty much expressly a plot contrivance to tip him off that something stinks in Portland. At the back of the church, Cate's mom grabs the bride-to-be's arm and says she looks like she needs "a box of wine." She adds helpfully that "the communion stuff tastes like swill, but it gets the job done." Heh. Cate points out that communion wine is often grape juice, then sends her wobbly mama to sit in a pew while she and Ryan get on with the rehearsing. The preacher asks if they've prepared their own vows. Ryan assures him they'll be written by the ceremony. Cate bitterly chimes in that writing vows is hard because "you want them to be beautiful, but you also want them to be realistic." She snippily echoes Ryan's words about marriage's ups and downs. Get out now, Ryan!
Outside, Ryan asks Cate what's up. She accuses him of having cold feet. He reminds her that she's the fuck-up in this relationship and that he's stuck around through a lot of her shenanigans (well most of that's actually coming from me, but it's da truth!). He asks if she really needs a contract to prove that he'll stick around. She doesn't answer.
A bit later, she rides with her mom, Lux and the producer in a limo on the way to Baze's. Cate slugs a glass of champagne and wonders if she's being overly dramatic about the contract. Ms. Cassidy declares that, having been married four times, she's the best-equipped to sort this situation out. Then she gives Cate the most uncomforting advice ever, declaring that people don't change. Cate takes this to mean Ryan won't change. (What? From the loving, even-keeled, absolute bedrock of your relationship?) Instead, the big C's sloshy little pronouncement is actually directed at "commitment-phobe" Cate. Lux grows increasingly distressed as Cate decides that, if only for the sake of the 200 shot glasses in her trunk, the wedding in ON. Because excess party favors are a great reason to shackle yourself to an already unsteady, potentially lifelong legal contract. Ms. Cassidy gets to the rub: Cate is projecting her own fears on Ryan. She's accusing him of not wanting to get married because she subconsciously isn't ready. Lux remains mum, but her face says a million words.
Once they arrive at the rehearsal, Ryan apologizes to Cate that he wasn't gung-ho about the contract and promises to figure something out before the wedding. Across the room, Lux reports Ms. Cassidy's theory to Baze, adding in her own two cents that Cate's doubts could be about Baze. He shuts that idea down, claiming things have changed. Obviously Lux has selective hearing, because Ms. C led into the whole "projecting" manifesto by emphatically stating that people never change. Lux, you get an 'F' in aural comprehension, girl. No matter, though, because Baze refuses to enmesh himself any further in this wackadoo situation. Lux practically begs him to do something. Guess all that therapy only dealt with her abandonment issues, because the mommy-and-daddy complex is alive and kickin'.
Ms. Cassidy clinks on her glass to give what is sure to be another zinger of a wedding toast. I'm guessing it'll go something like, "My daughter sucks at love. Good luck, Robert! Teehee, I mean Rick! Wait, his name's Ryan? Where the Hell am I?" Cate's mom blames anything inappropriate she says on the Merlot she's guzzling, and so a montage of weddings toasts begins. The producer jokes about how Ryan called Cate "a 5'2" sack of crazy" the first time they met. Ms. C jabs at Cate for being skittish and non-committal like her dad, meanwhile overtly flirting with Ryan's dad. Mid-toast she asks for a refill. Wow. Math recalls giving Cate a VHS tape of Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" video, complete with choreography. The producer tastefully calls Cate a raging slut. And Ryan's parents variously take out their seething hatred towards each other and the institution of marriage in their toasts. Honestly, considering the train wreck this thing is, I'm surprised Math didn't just go for the gusto and start reading from his journal of everything Cate said, did, ate, and wore since the minute they first met. Only that could make this more uncomfortable. And honestly, it might just be drowned out by all the other explosive tidbits people have so thoughtfully deigned worthy of sharing. Just seconds before Cate and Ryan literally rip the skin of their faces, the last toast wraps up, and the whole crowd toasts. To love!
Some time later, Baze heads upstairs to find Cate hiding from her own rehearsal dinner. She admits she's terrified to marry Ryan, proving she hasn't changed at all. Baze rears up for the pep talk. He concedes that he didn't consider her "mom material" when Lux first came on the scene. He says that she's stepped up in every way possible over the last several months and has changed considerably. That said, he acknowledges that marriage is a huge deal and says she shouldn't rush into it if she's not ready. She insists she is ready, she just doesn't want to let anything ruin her relationship with Ryan. She thinks if she gives in to her cold feet, she'll be letting him down enough to ruin things.
She tags on Lux's name, as if to say she thinks she'll be letting her down, too. Baze sees this as his chance to go full-on bull-in-china-shop with the supremely delicate and confusing task at hand. He starts to talk about Lux as a means of confessing his feelings. He pins it on her, saying she doesn't want Cate to marry Ryan because she wants Cate, Baze, and her to be a family of three. Just as he's about to say that he agrees, Ryan barges in. He didn't notice Baze's serious, desirous gaze because he's been corralling a room full of crazy relatives. Baze honestly looks more relieved than disappointed as he flees to the refrigerator to get Ryan a beer. Ryan tells Cate they should start saying goodbye to their guests. She looks at Baze, wondering what to make of the half-detonated grenade he just dropped on her. Ryan earnestly thanks Baze for hosting the dinner and says he's glad all three of them are cool. Baze croaks an agreement that everything is cool. Cate walks away with Ryan, still processing everything.
Baze watches them go, then walks out to the balcony and leans onto the railing like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulder. Later, he leaves a message for Cate that he needs to talk to her ASAP. Math overhears the message and wonders what Baze is up to. Baze admits for the first time that he is in love with Cate. Math laughs it off, but Baze is deadly serious. Math asks if Baze is going to stop the wedding. Baze raises his eyebrow slightly, all, "We'll see..." Math right asks, "Then what?" Because that's obviously the synapse Baze has been missing for 12.5 episodes now. The "then what?" He just doesn't think that far ahead. Math reminds him that there are bigger things at stake than just a broken engagement. Baze snaps that he'd call his dad if he wanted a judgmental lecture. Math assures him it's not about judgment, it's about whether Baze can offer Cate something more than Ryan can. He says if Baze truly loves Cate, he'll let her marry Ryan. Sacrificing his own, possibly passing, feelings for the greater good of everyone in this equation, from Lux on up. That's the only way Baze can show he's changed. Meanwhile, did you notice how Math didn't make it about what Cate deserves? And how she deserves someone like Ryan, someone implicitly better than Baze? Because she doesn't. Frankly, she deserves Baze. But I like Ryan, so for the sake of me, please, Baze, step aside!
Cate's house. Cate corners Lux in the bathroom to ask if what Baze said was true. Lux ain't takin' a fall for no man, plus she knows what a wuss Baze is, so she clears things up. She lays it out there that Baze doesn't want Cate to get married because he has feelings for her. Cate doesn't (want to?) believe it, so she starts to walk away in hopes that she can bury her head in the sand through sleep and ceremony. But Lux won't let well enough alone. She notes Cate and Baze's oddly magnetic pull to one another, how Cate has been jealous of all Baze's other girlfriends, and how close they got over the last couple weeks. Cate says she was caught up in a series of moments, but Lux tells her to stop rationalizing and making excuses. She tells Cate to admit she might be meant to be with Baze. Cate says it's all a fantasy. Lux points out that their reunion and reinstatement as a family were once fantasies, but now they've come true. So why can't this fantasy come true, too? Cate silently closes the door.
Baze drinks away his trouble as Cate and Lux thrash in their beds. Lux looks at the photo of the three of them from the morning. She stirs when she hears the door slam and runs downstairs to see Cate get in her car. Minutes later, Cate knocks on Baze's door. She says she got his message and is confused about who's telling the truth. She's gotten so consumed by everyone else's feelings that she doesn't know her own anymore. She asks him point-blank if he's in love with her. He barely gets in a "What?" before she admits she's been aware of feelings long before that morning. She's tried to rationalize things and explain her feelings away, but she wonders if there's a part of her that's in love with him. Baze puts down his beer and tells her Lux was making up stories -- he's not in love with her. She walks out, hurt from his umpteenth rejection. Left alone, he breathes in like his chest is about to collapse.
The morning, Cate's producer is still haggling with her bosses about whether the contract needs to be signed right-this-minute. Meanwhile, Cate has locked herself into the changing room. Or perhaps I should say herself and the champagne. This greatly distresses Ms. Cassidy. They each scream at Cate through the door to ask whether it was one of them that put enough pressure on her to cause this meltdown. Lux mumbles something to herself, and the women turn their beady eyes at her, saying she should spill if she knows anything. Lux pretends she has a phone call and runs away.
Elsewhere, Baze finds his father at the local golf club. Mr. Bazile warns him not to embarrass both of them. It only fires Baze up. He confronts his father about all the snipes and devaluations he's doled out over the last 32 years, how he's made Baze feel like a failure. Mr. Bazile tries to turn the tables, saying it's Baze's fault they haven't been in touch. That indictment unleashes a stream of hurt, and Baze goes off on dad that Daddy Dearest is the reason he himself can't commit and has nothing to offer "her." Mr. B is totally lost, but Baze keeps going. He says it's no wonder her can't tell "her" that he loves her since he's never heard those words from the one person who should have been saying them all along (his dad). Baze tells Mr. B that he gave Lux the one thing she wanted in the world -- a dad. He pointedly adds that he's still waiting for his. Dramatic exit.
Church. Lux leaves Baze a frantic message asking for details about why Cate is flipping out. She runs into Ryan on the way back inside, brushing him off on the way back to Cate. He stops her to ask why she's been giving him the cold shoulder. She assures him he did nothing wrong and says things are moving too fast between all of them. He sympathizes that her big day was glossed over in favor of all the wedding madness. He mentions the road trip, putting two and two together that Lux obviously holds out hope that Baze and Cate will be together. He understands because he harbors the same fantasy about his parents, even though they've been divorced for years. He assures Lux that it's natural for her to want her parents to be together but says she should consider taking on the role of kid for a change. He wells up as he reaffirms that, regardless of whether he and Cate get married, he wants to be part of her life. He even offers to postpone the wedding if Lux wants. She asks if he should talk to Cate. He thinks it would be better coming from Lux. Sweet succotash, does a man such as this exist in reality? And can I marry him?
Lux heads inside, where Cate appears to have calmed down enough to allow visitors as she drafts her vows. Obviously she hasn't calmed down enough to look in a mirror because home girl looks like she's aged about 15 years that morning. We're talking grandma hair, kewpie doll blush, and, I think, blue eye shadow. But I digress (meanly)... Lux asks if she's okay. Cate says she's not. Lux admits she's not so hot, either. Lux starts in on how she wants to be honest like she told Baze to be. Cate sourly says "Baze" and "honesty" shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence. She fills Lux in that Baze denied having feelings for her. Lux denies it, but Cate gets to the point that it's sick and masochistic of her to hang on to feelings for someone who has failed time and again to admit his own feelings for her. Lux says they're both holding on to a fantasy. Baze's denial told her everything she needs to know. So, even if this fantasy of a family can't ever come true, Cate shouldn't beat herself up about feelings she's suppressed since long before she met and fell in love with Ryan. Lux says she hates to admit it, but Baze will never be who Cate wants him to be. She is giving up on the fantasy, and she hopes Cate will realize that what she has with Ryan is reality.
Bar. Mr. Bazile comes in to talk, but Baze is having none of it. He says there's nothing his dad can say to fix things. Mr. B certainly tries, though, acknowledging that he is in someway fundamentally defective: He would rather berate Baze than admit he loves and misses him, he'd rather yell and push Baze away than try to be part of his life. He says Lux was right when she said he wanted Baze to be him and thought it was a failure when Baze didn't turn out that way. Baze is speechless. Mr. Bazile inches closer, finally saying the words Baze can't say to Cate: "I love you." They both cry. Baze's dad warns him not to make his same mistakes, not to let their broken relationship keep him from what he wants. He takes it a step further, saying Baze should tell Cate he loves her.
Back at the church, Lux finds Cate to tell her that everyone is getting in position for the ceremony. She hands over a wine-speckled new contract that Ryan has drafted: "I, Ryan Thomas, do solemnly declare I'm not going anywhere, not in five years, not in ten, not in a hundred. I love you, baby, now get out here and let's do this thing." Cate smiles. As does Ryan as he walks behind his parents down the aisle.
The ceremony officially begins. Cate VOs her ideas about falling in love and getting married as Ryan hugs his parents, and they sit down. As Lux starts her stroll down the aisle, Baze races toward the church. Cate walks down the aisle, and the VO continues with Cate saying she now realizes how much more complicated love and marriage can be -- that it's a choice you make every day about who you want to be and who you want to be with. In the church, she kisses her mom. Baze gets stuck in traffic as Cate hugs Lux and her producer. As she walks up to Ryan, Baze reaches her voicemail. Ryan takes off Cate's veil and hugs her as Cate VOs about having to appreciate the things that led you to this point, then let them go. She says you have to be willing to commit with no guarantees. If you can accept reality, you might end up getting the fantasy after all. The VO becomes VOW as Cate says she never expected this to be her reality -- this altar, this wedding. She promises to live every day trying to be worthy of Ryan. She says "a little girl, who's not so little now" taught her how to say yes to love. So now she is saying yes to love, and she's saying "I do" to Ryan.
As the words still hang in the air, Baze skids up to the church. He literally slams open the double doors as the preacher pronounces Cate and Ryan married and tells Ryan, "You may now kiss your bride." They don't kiss, though. They turn to see what all the racket is. Cue close-ups all around: Lux looking confused (and maybe a little annoyed), Math dropping his head, Ryan puzzling over what just happened, Cate knowing exactly what just happened, and Baze looking like he just got his heart ripped out. For good measure, Cate finishes the heart-ripping by pulling Ryan in toward her so they can seal their wedding with a kiss. Lux looks down, wondering what she hath wrought. Croons the acoustic singer-songwriter du jour, "Oh no, oh no, oh no, you can't go back now... Walk on, walk on, walk on 'cause you can't go back now."
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