In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Even jackasses don't deserve to have their proposal moment ruined by a handless, mutilated-down-there corpse showing up in the New York Harbor. But that's what happens to the five-liners who kick off the show. The SVU gang comes on the scene and stumbles upon aspiring "filmmakers" with exceptionally bad timing, who are making Arab torture porn nearby. They offer up footage of a cab, whose medallion number leads Benson & Stabler to Staten Island's answer to Ralph Kramden. Turns out, someone's been using his medallion number to masquerade as a cabbie and rape women. One gruesome tale and a blonde wig on Benson later, they cuff the suspect. He's a rapist all right, just not a murderer.
Meanwhile, Warner discovers the vic is Marga Janssen, a European astronaut, who wasn't in fact raped. Marga recently returned from space and was set to make a speech at a convention in NYC. At her wake, B&S meet the Lohan to Marga's Ronson, and she notices that Marga isn't wearing a matching crescent moon necklace she gave to Marga on her return to Earth.
Stabler suggests they consult former Marine Colonel-turned-astronaut Dick Finley. Once upon a time, Stabler had a high school boy crush on Finley, which he consummated upon joining the Marines. This love affair produced one son, Dick Stabler. Rugged Dick regales the gang with macho man tales until they learn that someone is using Marga's credit card at gas station three blocks away.
There they find a crafty meth addict. He makes a run for it but is stopped when Dick makes a swift introduction between the heel of his hand and the junkie's nose. Sadly, no brains emerge. Dotty Vince Beckwith claims he found Marga's purse in a dumpster. However, Fin locates the missing necklace at a pawn shop, and Beckwith's prints on it implicate him for the murder. In desperation, he mentions seeing a man in a baseball cap dump the purse.
Enter Chris Elliott, upping his creepy stalker cachet as Anton Thibodeaux, a baseball-capped writer of fan mail for Marga. Though Beckwith fails to ID him in a line-up, the team makes Thibodeaux for the crime with the help of Wong's expert insights on the volatility of obsessive personalities. Shortly thereafter, the nutty epistolarian learns Marga is dead and goes batshit on an interrogation table, but the detectives have insufficient reason to detain him. Outside their respective interrogation rooms, junkie and stalker converge. Thibodeaux spots Beckwith and, believing that he killed Marga, steals a gun from a rookie (I'm guessing) and shoots that methface down. Finley tackles Thibodeaux, a scuffle ensues, and Thibodeaux takes a bullet to the gut.
Finley emerges unscathed and celebrates by trying to work his mojo on Olivia. (They don't call him "Dick" for nothin'!) But Elliott squashes the May-December romance when he puts the pieces together, then compares the fingerprints on Marga's necklace with those on a toy rocket Finley handled. It turns out Finley killed Marga so that she -- not he -- would be the washed-up one at NASA.
Check back for our full weecap on Thursday. Until then, chat about the episode with other fans in our forums.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!A couple of jerks and a tinfoil swan stroll along the Hudson River proving how much they love each other by fighting like cats and dogs. As you do. Apparently he's got a case of the wandering eye, and she's a big, fat lush. Natch, the guy thinks, What better time to propose? He does, and she drops her tinfoil swan as an expression of abject horror crosses her face. It's not what you think, though. She's horrified by a corpse floating in the water below.
Benson & Stabler arrive. Warner briefs them that the vic is a female in her 30s with neck bruises that imply strangulation, mutilated genitals consistent with cutting or biting, and -- look, Ma! -- no hands. Elliot spots flashes of light from a nearby rooftop, and they suspect that it's the perp trying to catch their attention.
A woman screams as they hurry up the building's stairwell. Once on the rooftop, they see a young guy attacking a young Arab woman. They take him down, but then another guy appears behind them with an unidentifiable object in his hand. Elliot orders him to drop it, and it's a camcorder. He explains they're making a movie. Dun-dun. Credits.
Downtown, the woman and men are interrogated in separate rooms. They maintain their filmmaking excuse. Elliot thinks they guys nabbed the girl from the street to film amateur torture porn -- he even throws in a reference to "Martin Scor-sleazy," our eloquent Elliot. They learn the girl isn't even Arab. She's Dominican -- but boy can she ululate! B&S are disgusted that these people shamelessly produce sado-porn, but the filmmakers say that sex is inherently dangerous. "Not if you're doin' it right," touchés Elliot. They go back and forth about the merits of kinky over conscience, and finally Elliot lowers the boom. While these jagoffs were making rape art, someone was raping and murdering a real woman nearby. They recall a creepy guy in a cab lingering by their shoot, and they have footage of his medallion number, 2X89.
So off to Staten Island B&S go. They tracked the medallion number to one Edward De Pablo. They catch him mid-carwash, and order him to cease and desist, lest he destroy any evidence. His wife vouches that he was "on his fat ass" all weekend. The cabbie insists he's the only one who drives this particular cab, and Olivia makes a closer inspection, noticing this cab has a rusty fender that the cab from the video didn't. They surmise someone has been using the same cab number. [...Also, that there's no way this fat, old guy could possibly be their perp. - Zach]
Back at the precinct, Cragen say a string of rapes throughout the boroughs have been linked to a cab, but no trace materials were left behind. While Fin and Munch head out to canvass Battery Park, where the cab parked, B&S head to the most recent victim's apartment to follow up.
Leslie Schuster got the worst birthday present ever when she walked home from a bar and ran into the cabbie in question. He blinded her with his high beams and offered her half fare. Before she knew it, he'd swept up her bags and pushed her into the car. He insisted she turn over so he could rape her while holding her neck in a choke grip and threatening to strangle her if she looked at him. "And I wish he had," she grimaces. Elliot gets a page, and Olivia shatters this woman's world some more by telling her that her rapist may now be a murderer.
Over in the autopsy room, Warner gives B&S all kinds of forensic goodies. The vic's genitals weren't mutilated, but feasted on by marine organisms. She even bagged one of them. Mmmmm... appetizing! Also, the vic's hands probably weren't amputated by the perp. The cut marks more closely resemble boat propellers. The gang guesses she fell (or was thrown) off a booze cruise. What's more, the vic's eye indicates she was 35.4 years old, though her bones are more like a 60-year-old's. Finally, the generally jacked-up state of her teeth implies that she's European. (For the record, Warner said it, not me.)
[Can I just interject how frustrated I am that instead of having the team investigate a murder involving fake-Muslim-raping rooftop pornographers, which seems like something that could be tangentially related to their mandate, the Special Victims Unit once again ends up investigating something that turns out to not even be sexually related, thanks to some misdiagnosed genital mutilation? This could have just as easily been a Criminal Intent episode... except that Criminal Intent already did a ripped-from-the-headlines episode about jealous, murderous astronauts that was much better, despite (because of?) a distinct lack of Chris Elliott. - Z]
As Warner digs out the vic's eyeball to ID her, B&S run into Munch & Fin. While canvassing, they found what might be rapist cabbie pee with some floating skin cells. God, the life of a forensic investigator is so glamorous! Later, they match the pee to ex-con Orlando McTeer, a rapist paroled around the same time these rapes started. Unfortunately, they don't have any evidence from the crime scenes to implicate him for any of the crimes. That is... unless they set up a sting operation!
Cue Olivia in an eye-catching pink dress and a blonde wig. Cab 2X89 and its blindingly bright headlights roll up, and the cabbie offers half fare to Blonde-livia. He tries to strong-arm her into the cab, but Blonde-livia cuffs him. Elliot appears from the shadows. Back at the precinct, the raped woman IDs McTeer's voice instantly. [Huh. Considering that it was the focus of the promo for this episode, and they kept saying it was "provocative," I had hoped the sting would last longer than 20 seconds. Or, you know, lead to them solving the murder somehow. - Z]
He maintains his innocence under interrogation. B&S threaten him with 25-to-life, then walk out to give him time to stew on it. He stops them, admitting to the rapes, but swears he didn't murder anyone. He claims he was in Pennsylvania visiting his father when the crime was committed. He decided to go out for a joy ride, so to speak, and has the license of a girl he raped as proof.
So, despite collaring a serial rapist [Hey, their job! - Z], B&S are back to square one. Warner approaches and tells them the vic's name is Marga Janssen, and her old lady bones resulted from "prolonged exposure to microgravity." In layman's terms, she was an astronaut. The crew checks out archived video of Marga. She was Belgian and used to give video lessons on space to school children around the globe. Her last lunar trek lasted seven months. Cragen turns up the pressure when he tells the crew that Belgium needs them to wrap up the case so Marga's body can be shipped back there. Fin wonders why she didn't return to her homeland after her space trip, and Munch tells them she speaking at a symposium at the New York Hall of Science. [Also, have you been to Belgium? Seriously! - Z]
And awaaaaaay they go. B&S are on the way to meet an official at the Hall of Science, when Elliot runs into a rakish silver fox (James Brolin), who wastes no time commenting on Olivia's beauty. Elliot introduces the geriatric Casanova as Col. Richard Finley, a former Marine Corps test pilot who did all kinds of fancy-schmancy stuff for NASA. But you can call him "Dick." Elliot tells Dick that they're investigating the death of Marga Janssen, and Dick offers to take point on the astronaut end. They wonder if anyone would have wanted to harm Marga. Dick says she was well-liked, but she did have a fight with her girlfriend Andy on the night of her death.
B&S bring hysterical Andy into the coroner's office, and Andy confirms that the body is Marga. Then she points out that Marga is not wearing a matching, crescent moon-shaped necklace that Andy had made for them and gave to Marga on her return to Earth. Elliot asks about their argument, and Andy says they were fighting because Marga cancelled a vacation upstate they had planned for that weekend. She says Marga left the hotel to go for a walk and clear her head because she was troubled after seeing a man at the symposium with whom she had a run-in aboard the spaceship.
B&S head back to ask Col. Dick why he didn't mention the space altercation. He explains that the other astronaut, Lance Corliss, was dehydrated and delusional during the trip and became convinced that Marga was trying to kill him. He was banned from flying and disinvited from the symposium. B&S think he showed up anyway, and they solicit the Colonel's help to find him.
They find him a dive bar in Nolita. They point out that he defied orders and returned to New York. He says he felt bad for ruining the chance of a lifetime and wanted to apologize. He says Marga kept cool, which is probably why NASA wanted her to join their program. They ask for his alibi. No surprise, he was in the bar -- and pretty much has been full-time since he destroyed his own career. [Apparently, this is preferable to going home to Houston and supporting his wife and child. - Z] Eddie the bartender vouches for him, and thus another lead falls flat.
Outside, Col. Dick is relieved the perp wasn't one of his own. He mentions that the astronauts receive weird, sometimes threatening, fan mail and suggests it might be worth a look. Then he suggests they have a drink and a bite to eat. Cut to Rugged Dick regaling them with tales of his machismo over moo shu pork and Macallan. He faux-modestly chagrins not getting to go to the moon despite his bazillion other achievements. Olivia moons over what a sexy beast he is.
She asks how he and Elliot met. Elliot explains that they went to the same high school, and there was a picture of Dick in his flight suit in the high school trophy case. Dick was slated to make a speech at the high school one day, so Elliot paid off the student body president so he could pick him up and have some one-on-one time. After that, Dick got Elliot into the Marines.
Just then, Fin interrupts, and Olivia has to step away, giving Dick ample time to ogle her and speculate whether she and Elliott have... you know.If only he knew the years of anticipation we've all endured only to have that question remain unanswered! Elliott reminds Col. Dick he's married, but aptly named Dick seems doesn't see how that's relevant. He obviously never missed an opportunity to chase tail.
Olivia returns and says someone's been using Marga's credit card at ATMs across town. The most recent charge was made at a nearby gas station. They head off in pursuit, and Dick invites himself along. At the gas station, they find a strung-out young scamp in mid-argument with the incredulous attendant. B&S order the junkie to spread 'em. They find meth in his pocket. The junkie feebly claims that the drugs aren't his, then hits an Emergency Fire Suppression button that sends a stream of vapor rushing down on the detectives. Methface makes a break for it, but meets with a quick rejoinder from the heel of Col. Dick's hand. He quips, "Once a Marine, always a Marine."
Back at the station, we learn that the kid's name is Vincent Beckwith, who has a record of burglary, possession, and menacing women. They decide to look through the fan mail for Vince's name. Cragen asks the Colonel to lend a hand in the ongoing investigation while B&S head inside to ask Vince a few questions.
While the interrogation is in progress, Wong schools Munch and Dick on erotomania, i.e. when an average Joe believes that he is destined to be with a celebrity. He tells Munch and the Colonel to look for language patterns and mentions of weapons in the letters, as well as, obviously, Beckwith's name. Munch prattles on about the Latin derivation of the word "lunacy," and Dick blabbers some macho crap about punching people who think they faked the moon landing. Conspiracy theorist Munch wisely remains mum, and Wong looks on amused.
Back in interrogation, Vince claims he didn't know Marga and wasn't near her hotel. He says he found the credit card on the street. Before he can say any more, Vince's family attorney enters and tells him to pipe down. Apparently this particular meth-head is the heir to an auction house fortune. The attorney points out that SVU has no evidence or links between Vince and the murder. [Except for her credit card, and isn't his use of it fraud at the very least? How is he walking away from this? - Z] Olivia makes a crack that they're trying to "link him to reality" first, and it devolves into a shouting match. Meanwhile, Fin calls to report that he's found the necklace (with fingerprints) at a pawn shop. He says the clerk could identify the suspect, so Olivia snaps a picture of Vince on her cell phone, and the clerk positively IDs him. Vince insists he found the necklace in a dumpster, then conveniently remembers seeing a guy in a baseball hat. He claims he could point him out in a lineup.
Outside, Dick has fingered another possible suspect: Marga's number one fan, Anton Thibodeaux. He says he saw Thibodeaux outside the hotel on the night of the murder and knows where he is now. They head back to the New York Hall of Science and, lo and behold!, there's the bearded, baseball cap-wearing weirdo himself (played, of course, by Chris "Woogie" Elliott). Before they approach, Elliot asks Dick not to punch him. Heh. They walk up to Thibodeaux, and he's all, "What took you so long?"
Back at the precinct, Thibodeaux tells them that he saw Marga on the night of her death. With the self-assurance of a deludinoid, he takes control of the situation, showing Elliot his autograph book (signed by Marga) and claiming they were pals since they corresponded regularly. He doesn't seem to mind the fact that Marga never wrote back to him, since she was so busy. Outside, Wong, Cragen, and Dick observe; Wong says he's clearly obsessive but not necessarily volatile. Inside, Elliot asks Thibodeaux if he saw anything suspicious. As if on cue, Thibodeaux says he doesn't like whoever did this and could really hurt them. He goes apeshit on the interrogation table. Outside, Cragen deadpans, "That enough volatility, Doc?"
They put Thibodeaux in a lineup, but Beckwith fails to ID him. Elliot thinks Beckwith is playing them and killed Marga in a robbery gone wrong. Olivia pushes to keep Thibodeaux, but Cragen points out that circumstantial evidence is insufficient to hold him. Conversely, they practically have to push Thibodeaux out the door, so Dick devises a plan to "assign" him surveillance duty at the Hall of Science.
Just then, Elliot's teenage son Dickie arrives, all grown-up and now going by "Dick." Elliot wants him to meet the man he was named after. Dick(ie) asks if the Colonel is really going to fly to the moon, and Col. Dick gives him a small model of the rocket he'll be taking as a token.
Their conversation is interrupted when Thibodeaux spots Beckwith. Convinced that he killed Marga, he grabs a cop's gun and shoots the junkie dead. Everyone ducks while Olivia tries to talk him down. Dick, who's not big on words, goes in for the tackle. He and Thibodeaux scuffle, and Thibodeaux gets a fatal shot in the gut. Au revoir, sweet stalker.
Elliot takes Dick(ie) home as the corpses are being wheeled out. Cragen and Fin thank the Colonel for saving the day. Munch even asks him to sign a picture. As Col. Dick leaves, Olivia goes all Florence Nightingale on a cut on his head. Dick takes the opening to ask her on a date that night. She tries to invite Elliot along, but Rugged Dick letches that they can handle it alone.
At the Stabler residence, Elliot and Dick(ie) chat about how the Colonel was Elliot's hero, mentor, and father figure -- Elliot even planned to go into the space program, but it comes out that Kathleen got knocked up and Elliot decided to leave the Marines to start a family. Dick(ie) can't believe Elliot sacrificed flying jets and possibly going to the moon. He says he'd do anything for that -- anybody would. The creaky wheels in Elliot's brain start turning... A grimace covers his face, and he looks at the rocket the Colonel gave to Dick(ie).
A knock sounds on the Colonel's door. Elliot storms in and brusquely kicks out the silver fox's latest trick. The Colonel apologizes for making a move on Olivia and tries to scuttle Elliot off so he can get dressed for his big date. Elliot says he knows what Col. Dick did. He notes the irony of Dick pulling the strings on the investigation, leading them to Marga's girlfriend and Corliss, then improvising when Beckwith mentioned that he'd seen a guy in a baseball cap. As he says this, Elliot pulls a baseball cap from the Colonel's luggage and asks why he murdered Marga. The Colonel denies it.
Elliot despondently says he looked up to Col. Dick. He speculates that Col. Dick killed Marga because she was stealing his thunder. She was the new rising star of NASA, poised to take Col. Dick's place -- and his trip to the moon -- as the space cowboy grew older and more washed-up. Col. Dick tries to discredit this theory, calling Marga a rookie, but Elliot gets under his skin. Elliot lays it out, saying that Marga inadvertently provoked Col. Dick the night of the murder, and he grabbed her but only clinched the necklace. Why else, asks Elliot, would his fingerprints be on the necklace? Oh, yeah -- the lab matched the fingerprints to those on the model rocket.
That sends Col. Dick over the edge. "She was gonna take the moon from me," he cries and grabs Elliot by the neck. That old dog still has some fight in him, but it's not enough to combat our boy Stabler. Ragged Dick ends up on the floor, futilely bargaining with his old Marine buddy. Outside, Elliot is putting him in the cruiser. Dick takes one last look at the moon before going off to rot in the clink. Just then, Olivia arrives dressed to the nines and asks if everything's okay. Elliot grimly shakes his head. [...Possibly at the bizarre chain of unrelated events that led to Benson wearing not one, but two fancy dresses and a blonde wig in the span of one episode. - Z] Fade to black.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how many episodes of Law & Order are on television tonight in Going Through Channels!