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We open with a shower scene and some SVU misdirection. Look out, mystery showerer! You're totally going to get raped by that guy! Only it turns out that shower woman is an intruder, and she runs off, wearing only the shower curtain.
Which means she left her clothes behind, and her identification. It's Kathleen, Elliott's daughter, and Olivia gets to break the news to him. Oh, no -- he's not going to be able to do anything, since he's suspended, and -- wait, what's that? Suspension all resolved between episodes? Oh. OK, then.
Anyway, Kathleen was at a house party door with other Hudson University students, and the detectives find her in a park, still wrapped up in the shower curtain, totally high. She tries the, "oh my god, can you believe this happened to me on the first and only time I've ever done drugs?" routine, which works as well as it can when Daddy wants to believe it. Stabler winds up getting a different story from Kathleen's roommate, who says Kathleen is high all the time and constantly bringing men home with her, at least when she comes home. Elliot weasels Kathleen's drug connection out of the roommate, and the source is a stereotypical goth type. Elliott shakes her down and finds drugs in her backpack. He arrests her, and it turns out she's an undercover drug agent. She says she wasn't targeting Kathleen, but Kathleen does more drugs than entire wings at some old folks' homes.
Kathleen runs off, and the agent/lead singer of Evanescence points them to an abandoned laundromat, where Elliot finds her unconscious in her bra and panties, under some skid. She's self-medicating because she's bipolar, say the doctors, but Kathleen refuses to admit there's anything wrong with her, which poses a problem for the high-powered defense attorney Elliott hires. If they're going to make a case, they need to prove family history of craziness. Enter Ellen Burstyn, playing Elliott's mother, whose mental illness made for a horrifying upbringing for Elliott. Apparently, this one time? She was in a snowstorm and was chasing snowflakes. Which doesn't sound so bad, except for the fact she was chasing them with her CAR. With Elliott in the back seat, and he wound up with a broken arm. So YEAH, maybe there's some bipolar family history. Sure, everything looks bad when you remember it.
Olivia tries to get Elliott's mama to talk some sense into Kathleen, and she succeeds, except for the fact Elliot, unbeknownst to everybody else, has returned the diamond pendant Kathleen stole to the owners, effectively convicting her. Kathleen pleads guilty to a misdemeanor. They tried to make her go to rehab, she says yes, yes, yes.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!A woman is showering and singing, in a sweet voice, a shanty called "The Keeper of the Eddystone Light." It's about, as far as I can tell, giving birth to porpoises. Showering woman is brought to you in Victim-Cam, and as she turns around in the shower, we can see she's wearing a diamond pendant. We also see someone open the bathroom door and creep in, carrying a club. When he starts yelling "Get out of my house!" and swinging at the showerer, we realize two things: One, is that the bathing beauty is the intruder here, and two, the director of this episode would like to let it be known that he is a big fan of Psycho.
While the showering woman freaks out and falls out of the shower, ripping the curtain from the rod, the man starts yelling, "Rhonda! Call 911! Tell them we have an intruder!" He didn't call 911 already? He went creeping into the bathroom and is only now calling for backup now he's found out the intruder is a naked woman singing old-timey shanties? While he's distracted, the woman climbs out the window, which only enrages him, because dammit! That's his shower curtain!
"This crazy bitch terrified my family. I want her arrested now," the man tells Olivia, in the officious douchebag way that some men have. What a relief for Olivia to get some direction, because I don't imagine she realized her job involves arresting people. She tells buddy of the necessity to find the shanty-singing shower scamp first, and buddy's wife figures it can't be THAT hard to find a shower-curtain-clad woman who left her ID behind.
This is when Elliot shows up, grumbling about having to show up on scene for a "naked whackjob in the shower." Yeah, dammit! If Elliot's going to move his ass, can't somebody have the common courtesy to at least get herself raped? Also, I GUESS HIS SUSPENSION HAS BEEN LIFTED. Can't have a plotline carry over from another episode, can we? Olivia tells Elliot she called him, and he sarcastically asks if her "Spidey-sense" tells her this woman is a rape victim. "It's your daughter," says Olivia, and she holds up the evidence bag containing the showerer's ID: Kathleen Stabler's driver's license. "Kathleen," says Elliot softly. Goddammit. I have a daughter! I don't need another episode of this! We just had Elliot's kid on a child porn site! I DON'T NEED THIS!
But let's not worry too much, because in reruns in syndication, no one will ever be reminded of Elliot's suspension. Olivia weakly tries to tell Elliot that he can't investigate this case, and Elliot ignores her and says he's not letting the precinct squad do it. He's going to find Kathleen. And he's going to start by asking the homeowners leading questions to try to establish some sort of connection between them and Kathleen, whom they insist they've never seen before. "Maybe you don't realize from where. Do either of you work at Hudson University?" he asks. The man says no, but their -door neighbor has a son who goes there, and he had a party tonight. While Olivia goes to talk to the neighbors (is she really going to leave Elliot alone here?), Stabler's all, "Awesome, case closed! This was obviously just a harmless prank!" The man's all, "Nuh-uh. She broke into our house, she stripped naked and she took a shower." So, okay, the foundation of 60% of the submissions to Penthouse Letters, then. The wife is upset too, since their baby was in the room and could have been hurt. By showering? "Yeah, but there's no reason to believe that this woman is dangerous," says Elliot, suspiciously enough that the husband asks for his name and badge number. Elliot introduces himself as "Detective Stabler," so the husband's all, "Oh, I see," and accuses Elliot of trying to cover it up. Elliot says his daughter would never hurt anyone, but husband kicks him out of the house anyway. Elliot, surprisingly wisely, leaves.
Olivia's chatting with the neighbor kid when Elliot strolls up, admitting that he "stepped in it" with the Fosters. Fortunately, this is not one of those times where "stepped in it" means "administered a savage beating." Olivia says Kathleen came back to the party after her shower but then left again with a couple of people from the party, one of whom texts the kid to say they were headed to Riverside Park.
That's where Olivia and Elliot find Kathleen, ditched by her friends, because it probably doesn't matter how drunk or high you are, sooner or later the chick wrapped in a shower curtain is going to get on your nerves. She's swinging pretty high on the swings -- probably trying to go over the bar -- while wearing a Roman toga straight out of the Bed, Bath and Beyond collection. Then she sees Elliot and gets excited: "Daddy! It's so cool you're here!" she shrieks, jumping off. She exhorts first Elliot and then Olivia to try to the swings, but the detectives have some brooding to do.
Later, Kathleen's in her room, brushing her hair. She's still wearing the diamond pendant when Elliot comes in, and she surreptitiously takes it off and drops it in her vanity drawer. Elliot starts questioning her, because she's in a lot of trouble for breaking into the house. "I didn't break in! That window was open!" Kathleen protests. Elliot says he's going to try to "fix things" so that they don't get worse, but she's going to have to talk to him, but Kathleen won't tell him who gave her the pills. And then she says it was the first time she tried anything harder than pot. "I swear, Dad! I'm sorry! I really screwed up, again!" she says, and then the lower lip starts to tremble, and I can confirm that your daughter crying is one of the hardest things in the world to watch, and Elliot hugs her. Kathy comes in with some hot cocoa, but Elliot doesn't stick around, preferring to find out who's pushing pills at Hudson University.
First stop: Kathleen's dorm room, where her bitchy roommate snots off about how high Kathleen is all the time and all the men she brings home, and a sloppily painted circle on the wall is testament to Kathleen's drugged-up desire to live "inside the sun." Elliot wants names of the men Kathleen's dated. "I don't know those losers' names. And I wouldn't call it dating." Elliot asks her which girl has been giving Kathleen pills. "Why are you asking me? I don't do that stuff. And I don't hang around with people who do. Like your daughter," she snaps, rather harshly, and you're kind of thinking, "At least Kathleen isn't a judgmental bitch," until the roommate breaks down and talks about how they used to be friends and stay up all night together. "She's in trouble," pleads Stabler, asking for her help. "There's this girl named Nikki Braithwaite," says the roommate.
Did she say "Nikki Braithwaite"? I think she meant to say, "Fairuza Balk in The Craft," because that's who the gothed-up girl holding court outside with a bunch of other black-clad losers with asymmetrical haircuts looks like. It's not hard to make Elliot for a cop, and he identifies himself as Kathleen's father. "And you're here to tell me I'm a bad influence on Daddy's little girl?" says Nikki. Elliot scares the rest of My Chemical Romance away before questioning Nikki, who tries to walk away. Elliot snatches the backpack off her back, and searches it, much to Nikki's chagrin, and he finds some coke hiding under some tampons in a silver case. As he's arresting her, she tells him she's an undercover cop, and gives her real name and badge number. Then she tells him to make the arrest look good, or else he'll blow her cover, and her captain will have Elliot's "ass for breakfast." Some threat -- Elliot gets another between-episodes suspension?
Looks like Nikki's story checks out, because she's now chatting with Elliot over coffee back at the squad room, telling him she's been undercover at Hudson since the fall as part of a big operation, since there have been three ODs there recently. Elliot can't believe Nikki targeted Kathleen knowing Elliot was a cop, but Nikki says they weren't targeting Nikki, because she's not dealing, just getting high. A lot. She suggests getting Kathleen into rehab, and she'll be back to straight As semester. Yes, it's just that easy! Elliot makes a face.
One snag though, which we find out from Kathy, who's just shown up at the precinct, all upset: Kathleen's disappeared. Nikki says there's an abandoned Laundromat on Second and A where Hudson students go to get high.
Sure enough, when Elliot and Fin arrive, they find Kathleen unconscious, in her underwear, under some guy, also passed out. They slam Buddy against the wall, much to his chagrin, but Elliot can't rouse his daughter: she's ODed, and Elliot hoists her onto his shoulders and carries her out.
What's wrong with you people? I can't watch this! I can't! Oh, God. Elliot watches medical staff at St. Mark's induce vomiting in his daughter, at least until a nurse comes along and closes the blinds.
Later the doctor tells Elliot and Kathy that Kathleen's very sick (wow, no wonder they pay him the big bucks), and that they think she's self-medicating to deal with bipolar disorder. "My daughter's not crazy," says Elliot, being his usual helpful self. The doctor figures she'll have a normal life if they get her on lithium, and Elliot bolts, telling Kathy he needs some air.
He also needs to punch a parking sign, apparently, denting it. That's where Olivia and Cragen find him to tell him that the Fosters have filed a complaint against Kathleen because they're missing an expensive diamond pendant. Olivia points out that Kathleen was wearing a pendant when they picked her up. Elliot quickly says it's cubic zirconium and was a gift from him, and the Fosters are probably trying to pull an insurance scam. Olivia looks like she's not sure she believes Elliot. Well, why wouldn't she? She doesn't think Elliot would ever behave irrationally where his family is concerned, would he?
It's over to ADA Kim's office, who must be enjoying the fact that Elliot is forced to be nice to her instead of his regular hard-ass self. She tells him the necklace was worth a lot of money, so Kathleen's facing larceny and burglary charges. Elliot offers to go talk to the Fosters, which Kim outright laughs at, especially when Elliot claims he'd do the same for any kid. Kim asks him how many "junkie thieves" he's let slide recently, and it's awfully nice of her to refer to a colleague's daughter that way. She advises him to get a lawyer, and he tells her he's not letting Kathleen go to Rikers, because the doctor says she's mentally ill. Kim says they won't arrest Kathleen if she's in a mental facility.
Done and done! Elliot's got some shark lawyer who I guess he's clashed with in the past, but I don't remember her. Anyway, she's the best! Elliot wonders about returning the pendant to the Fosters, which the lawyer advises against, as it'll give the Fosters the evidence they need. As she goes in Kathleen's room to talk to her, Olivia shows up with a couple of the DA's detectives in tow, just making sure everything's copacetic, I suppose? Unfortunately for Elliot, Kathleen wigs out because "this bitch is trying to lock me up!" she screams. She then proceeds to flirt with the DA detectives and exercise her right (she's 19) not to be committed -- whereupon the DA detectives arrest her. Olivia promises Elliot she'll stay with Kathleen as along as she can. Oh, great -- Liv's going to prison undercover again!
Back at the lawyer's office, she outlines for Elliot and Kathy that if Kathleen refuses to admit she's bipolar -- even in the face of compelling evidence like her serenading the hookers in Rikers with "I Will Survive" -- then the psych defense is out. But there are options, like suggesting Mr. Foster met Kathleen while at the party to complain about the noise, then took her back to his place, and concocted the break-in story when his wife caught them. Kathleen's horrified that the lawyer wants to lie, but Elliot's all, "Hey, we don't know what happened." As for the lawyer: "I don't want the truth, I just want a plausible story to give the jury reasonable doubt," she says. The only other option apart from Kathleen admitting to mental illness is demonstrating family history of it. Elliot's all, "I believe seasons one through nine of Special Victims Unit are available for your viewing pleasure."
So in a nice beachfront cottage we meet Mama Stabler, played by Ellen Burstyn. Oh, that's Ellen Burstyn. I saw her name in the credits and I've been picturing Ellen Barkin this whole time. She's excited to see Elliot, because it's been, apparently, at least a couple of years. So -- not close, are we? He eventually breaks the news about Kathleen, and tiptoes around why he needs his mom's help. Like, "Remember the time you tried to hitchhike in your slip to meet Georgia O'Keefe? Or tried to buy plane tickets with a Macy's card?" These are episodes the increasingly agitated Mama Stabler chalks up to high-spiritedness and creativity, but Elliot keeps pushing, and she yells, "Just go tell the judge that your mother's nuttier than a fruitcake!" She stomps off onto the beach, saying she needs some air. Hey, where did we see that before?
Out on the beach, she asks Elliot if she's a bad mother, and he says "no," and she wants to know whey she hasn't seen him in two years, and how whenever she comes to visit, he's working, and zzzzzzz --- huh, what? Oh. Sorry. Wait, are they still talking? She's saying something about how he didn't need her -- until now -- and he says he did need her but she wasn't around, and she says he's living his father's life all over again, instead of being the architect that he wanted to be. "I was eight years old!" he tells at her, and now they're yelling at each other. "I don't have the luxury of staying in bed for eight months when things don't go my way!" he yells. Oh, and now she's going to build a sandcastle. And somewhere someone is plinking out mournful notes, while she ignores him as he talks about a time she picked up a gun, saying she was going to kill herself, and then shot at him and his dad. Elliot's mom SHOT AT HIM.
He's getting nowhere with her, and leaves. He really should have brought a cameraman with him; then he'd have all the evidence he needs.
Elliot shows up at the Fosters' front door to apologize for what his daughter did. "Save your breath," says Mr. Foster, adding that a little speech isn't going to make him drop the charges. "I wouldn't expect it to," says Elliot, and he hands over the pendant, saying Kathleen took it. Foster looks at him, and points out that telling him that could put his daughter in jail. "Yes, I know. It's the only way to save her," says Elliot.
Mental note: if I ever incriminate my own daughter like that, make sure to warn my wife, my daughter and our lawyer before the arraignment. Then maybe the lawyer won't think I'm an idiot, my daughter won't scream, "I hate you!" as she's dragged off to Rikers, and my wife won't call me a bastard and slap me across the face for suggesting that Kathleen be forcibly medicated if she won't do it voluntarily.
On the other hand, those bunk beds in the precinct look kind of comfy, in an uncomfortable kind of way. At least until Olivia comes in to lay a guilt trip on him for never talking to her about his mother, and not buying his "It never came up" excuse. "Bottling it up inside hasn't worked for you. Neither has beating up perps or walls or garbage cans," she tells him. "Kathleen may be sick, but you're the one with the problem." I submit that Elliot just hasn't found the right things to beat up. Has he tried cinderblocks? Beanbags? Olivia gets up to go, and then Elliot says, "We're through the looking glass here, Liv." I SWEAR TO GOD HE SAID THAT. I know if you didn't see the episode you're thinking, "You're making this up, Elliot would never say that, that's stupid," but that's what he said, and I don't know what else was said in this scene because I was laughing my arse off.
Back at Long Beach Island, Olivia's arranged a meeting with Mama Stabler, who's in a decidedly less chipper mood. She gives Olivia the once-over and notes that it's no wonder Kathy was so worried about her. Before Olivia gets down to business, Mama Stabler whips out a photo album to display some old pictures of a young Chris Meloni. Hee! So he was in Dazed and Confused! There's also a picture of Elliot in a carrot costume for a Thanksgiving pageant. "Well, at least he's not a fruit," was apparently Elliot's dad's response. Olivia says the youngest photo she's seen of Elliot was from when he entered the police academy. That's because he erased his childhood, says Mama Stabler: "I made certain choices, and I lost my son," she says. Wow, Burstyn's good. She almost has me tearing up. "Elliot is a good man, and I know him well enough to know he didn't get that from his father," says Olivia, and Mama thanks him. Olivia gently probes her about seeing a doctor (just wasn't done in her day) or trying medication, which she tried once. "I felt like an empty shell, like someone had reached inside of me and scooped out my soul. I would rather be dead than to go to that place again," she says. Here we go with the melodrama again. Then she says "I am what I am," and I picture her as Popeye and start cracking up again. She cries over how she can't parade herself in front of a court and say she's crazy. "Would you do it for your granddaughter?" asks Olivia.
Answer: yes. Olivia's called in a favor from a guard to arrange a meeting between Mama Stabler and Kathleen. After some giggled reminiscing about stealing grandpa's fedora and last Cuban cigar for a snowman, Kathleen asks if Mama Stabler thinks she's crazy. "Do you feel crazy?" asks Grandma. Kathleen doesn't know. That means yes! They talk about the highs and lows, which is the price they pay for "greatness." Greatness? What has Kathleen ever done besides drive drunk and steal Daddy's credit card?
Kathleen flashes anger when she thinks Grandma's there to side with her dad, and then Mama Stabler launches into a long story about a snowstorm back in the '60s when everyone was snowbound except for them, and they were the only car driving down Broadway, and she kept going faster and faster because she was chasing snowflakes. "So many beautiful snowflakes. Until I chased one into a lamppost." Hee! All right, funniest fucking episode in a long time. She totaled the car and broke Young Detective Stabler's arm. Kathleen says her dad never told her that story. "We all make mistakes, Katie, there's no shame in that. But you do have to take responsibility for your actions."
Kathleen admits to doing awful things with guys, a lot of them, some she didn't know, and her grandmother tells her to start fresh tomorrow, and then they hug, and it's time to go, but Kathleen wants an answer to her question about whether she's crazy. "I think you're different, like me," says Grandma, and then blah blah blah, "pay the price," etc. Kathleen leaves, and Mama Stabler asks Olivia not to tell Elliot she was there. Don't worry. It probably won't "come up."
So Kathleen pleads guilty to a lesser misdemeanor and is going into in-patient psychiatric treatment. "I know I have a problem, and I want to get help," she tells the judge, who says if she completes the treatment the charges will be dropped.
All of this seems to come as a surprise to Elliot, watching from the back of the courtroom. Olivia walks past him on the way out. "What the hell just happened?" he says. "Maybe God remembered how cute you were as a carrot," she says, walking away all proud of herself. Elliot makes a squinty face instead of asking her what the hell she's talking about.
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