With just 29 and a half hours to go before the fashion show, the four remaining teams arrive and immediately note the loss of Team Dandy. We flash back to their most dramatic moments, because the producers know how freaking boring this show is without them. And since they also need to pay the bills, it's time for some product placement of a fashion magazine that I won't name because when it comes to product placements in TV shows, I either don't say the name of the product at all or I say the name of a rival product instead, because I don't get paid to recap commercials. Merle claims she reads the magazine "all the time," pointing out that it's for "women of all ages -- not just young!" Is Merle like 80 or something? There have been several comments about her advanced age this season, even though she doesn't appear to be much older than anyone else. [At the beginning that may have been true, but now I would say she's the oldest one there by a decade. - Zach] Oh! Guess who decided to show up to work today? DSquared2! I saw a guy wearing a DSquared2 T-shirt the other day, and it had a picture of a small dog with a crown on it and said "Lady Tinkle" or something. People who make shirts like that have no business judging others.
DSquared2 stir up drama by asking the contestants why they think Merle's design won. "Uh, I don't know," Louanna says. Merle runs behind Louanna's back to the nearest camera to say she's just jealous of Merle's fabulous success in the competition thus far. Then Elle Strauss, the "Senior Fashion Editor" of Fashion Magazine wanders in to plug her publication with her English accent and give the contestants their latest challenge, which is based on the "I Want, I Need" section of her magazine. They must create a "3-piece convertible outfit" that can be worn at different events. Oh, you know Merle is sitting there thinking that she has this thing in the bag, which means she'll probably be eliminated. With that, we go to two wheels with "wants" and "needs" written on them that the contestants must spin to find out which two events they're designing their outfits for. Except for Merle, who gets to choose hers as her prize for winning last week's challenge. She picks "High Society Cocktail Party" for her want and "Company Party" for her need. I'm sorry, but a High Society Cocktail Party doesn't sound like any more fun than a Company Party. I'd much rather hang out with co-workers than "High Society" people.
Louanna spins the wheel and gets "Movie Premiere" as her want and "Baby Shower Luncheon" as her need. Why did they feel the need to add "luncheon" to that? Like, the baby showers that happen at dinnertime are just that much more awesome? Also, who buys a special outfit for a baby shower? Kathy gets "Hot Nightclub Opening" (as opposed one of those Shitty Nightclub Openings, which are just NO fun) for her want and another Company Party as her need. DJ Eric also gets High Society Cocktail Party and then "Religious Service" as his need. HAHAHA! All he (or Galina, really) can design are skimpy flimsy ugly nightclub dresses! You can't wear those to church! He's screwed. But it could have been worse, I guess. I saw "Running Errands" and "Airport Travel" up there. DSquared2 leave them with the news that Elle will also be a judge at the fashion show, so they'll "have one pretty face to impress." Oh, I'm sorry -- he said one more pretty face.
The teams get to work. Merle and Thai have a problem from the outset: they're running low on fabrics. But they quickly get over that when Thai appears to single-handedly create their design. Over at Kathy's station, several controlled blazes blow wafts of scented candle and sage smoke around the room. Emil and Kathy attempt to bring us some drama by having different approaches to the creative process. Galina enlightens DJ Eric on the ways of the Jews by saying they get dressed up for the religious ceremony of a circumcision, which she says is a party that everyone attends to watch an innocent little boy get mutilated. This all confuses and horrifies DJ Eric. Galina comes up with an idea to basically make a giant trenchcoat to cover up the skimpy nightclub wear during the religious service. Because one thing you want to look like at a bris is a flasher. Meanwhile, Louanna is making a pantsuit that somehow converts into a backless top. With trains coming off of it. "Doesn't sound tasteful," Jim says tactfully. But Louanna wants her design to have a "wow" factor after her near-ouster last week for being too boring.
After the break, Kathy and Emil immediately get over their non-differences and come up with a design, which is basically a bunch of reversible items. How is any of this stuff supposed to be fashionable? I stopped wearing reversible clothes in like middle school. Over at Louanna's station, she doesn't think that Jim's idea of changing one cami to another cami is very "wow"-ful. With that, the Trim Room opens. And then it closes. The Trim Room hasn't given this show drama since the time that Kevin doofus fell in it. Back at DJ Eric's station, he contributes to Galina's process by saying that one of the fabrics she suggested is "churchy." Meanwhile, Merle knows that Team Dandy isn't around to make things interesting, so she swoops in to take their place and get some more camera time. She decides that she and Louanna have an intense rivalry, most likely unbeknownst to Louanna, who isn't glaring at her across the room so much as she is applying lip gloss while making an unflattering facial expression because she forgot she was on TV.
With 22 hours to go, DSquared2 enter to do the walkthrough with a special guest: Project Runway's Kara Saun! Doesn't Bravo want us all to forget Project Runway existed now? Weird. They stop by Louanna's station first, and Kara immediately asks if the "transition," which appears to be simply removing a blazer to reveal a backless and thus movie premiere-ready shirt, is enough, since it still pretty much looks like the same outfit. At Merle's station, she is quick to point out that she's been doing convertible clothes this whole competition. "So you should win this, then," Kara says. Merle nods confidently. She is so losing tonight, you guys. DSquared2 and Kara hate the colors Merle and Thai chose, saying they clash. Merle argues with them, pointing out that they didn't have much to choose from. They don't seem very sympathetic. Merle interviews that her day is now ruined. I have a feeling it doesn't take much to ruin Merle's days, though. At DJ Eric's station, the three are not impressed by the plan to just put a jacket over the high society cocktail party clothes and call it religious service wear. Also, DSquared2 think the cocktail party outfit looks very "Russian" compared to the "Miami"-ness of designs, a.k.a. "no more doing all the work, Galina." Galina sulks that they're "screwed" since they don't exactly have the time (or material) to change it up. So she cries and runs out of the studio, because that's productive.
For the DVR-tricking interstitial, we get a montage of Louanna and Merle saying "wow" and "wow factor." I think we should have had a montage of Roberto's best DVR-tricking interstitial moments instead.
After the break, DJ Eric convinces Galina to return to the studio. Still crying, she interviews that she wants to do right by DJ Eric, because he's been such a help to her throughout this process. Actually, Galina, you're supposed to be the one helping him. She picks a new, less-Russian pattern and they begin again. At Louanna's station, she's being very condescending to Jim, who doesn't understand her "reverse halter with trains off the top" design concept. Merle and Thai look through all of their fabrics hoping to find something the judges will like. Jim comes up with an idea that Louanna likes so much that she throws her scissors on the ground in excitement. I didn't quite get what he was talking about, but it has something to do with kimonos and billowy sleeves. Louanna picks up her scissors and starts cutting into one of the fabrics, which then ruins it for the design Jim just came up with. And they don't have any extra fabric left. He is clearly pissed. But then Louanna saves the day by finding another scrap of the needed fabric. With 14 hours to go, the exhausted designers and contestants pack up for the night. No one looks very happy or confident.
The morning, there are only 5 and a half hours remaining. Fortunately for Merle, she claims that a solution to her design woes came to her in a dream about black feathers. I'm glad it helped her out, but it sounds like a really boring dream. She and Thai decide to line their jacket with black feathers. That works if the company party you're going to is for the Atlanta Falcons, and you happen to be their mascot. "I'm multi-orgasmic when it comes to fashion," Merle states. I don't know what that even means, but I'm pretty sure it's something I didn't want to know.
DJ Eric actually does something besides sit and watch Galina work, looking around for a fabric with which to make a skirt. He wants to make a "pencil skirt," since he thinks that's "more high society" than the belt that usually passes for a skirt in his line. And then there are suddenly just 2 hours to go and the models arrive. Their designers lecture them on how to convert the pieces on the catwalk and the importance of doing so. As time runs out, we go to a commercial.
Fashion show time! DJ Eric's model is the first one out. That trench coat thing Galina was talking about actually turned out looking more like a kimono, which is much better and less associated with perverts. She turns it inside-out, revealing a shimmery fabric, and opens it to reveal a halter top and DJ Eric's pencil skirt. I have to say, this is probably my favorite of DJ Eric's designs. Louanna's model comes out in a white satin pants suit. Unfortunately, it's a little bit too fitted, making it difficult and awkward for the model to remove the jacket and turn it inside out to reveal another jacket -- also white satin -- with billowy sleeves. Her movie premiere outfit looks like pajamas. Merle's model learns from Louanna's mistakes and starts converting almost as soon as she appears. Whereas DJ Eric and Louanna just made reversible jackets, Merle and Thai went above and beyond. The model releases a string that turns the red top into a dress that just about goes over the company party skirt. And when you see the fabric they used for the top/dress and the skirt, you know why DSquared2 had such a problem with her color combinations. They look gross to each other. And, of course, the jacket is reversible. On the plus sides, I really love the design on the back of that dress and the feather blazer looks much better than I thought it would. Kathy's model's legs are too skinny. Also, she's wearing a big black vest and zebra-print skirt. She rolls the bottom of the skirt up to reveal a new hem and a more night-life-appropriate cut for the skirt and removes the vest to reveal that its lining is a bright red fabric that really pops visually (also, the model did this really dramatic reveal) and a matching red top that is basically two red suspenders. Like, there is not much material there. Which is a good way to make the most of the little fabric she has left.
DSquared2 re-introduce us to the judges. I see the Senior Fashion Editor has decided to wear a hippie-style headband, which is starting to make me reconsider my subscription to the magazine she edits. No one is "safe" this week, so DJ Eric explains his outfit first. DSquared2 say the fabrics he chose after their criticism are more consistent with his line and they like the beaded top section of the halter that makes the shirt come with a built-in necklace. Elle points out that the religious service look wasn't really a look so much as a jacket covering another outfit. Then Galina is called forth to weigh in on the progress DJ Eric has made in this competition. Galina says DJ Eric designed and sewed tonight's skirt all by himself. Lisa Kline refers to herself in the third person and with her first and last name.
Louanna has to explain her outfit . DSquared2 say they like that she went a step beyond a reversible jacket by changing the sleeve structure, but Lisa Kline doesn't see how a white pants suit, even one with billowy sleeves, works for a movie premiere. Elle says she likes the jacket, but thinks her magazine's readers would be "overwhelmed" by the entire outfit. Elle thinks her readers are delicate flowers who faint at the thought of pajamas as a sophisticated look. No one asks Jim for his opinion on Louanna's overall progress.
DSquared2 say they were slightly disappointed with Merle's design, since they were expecting so much from her this round. They think the dress should have been floor-length instead of knee-length, which would have made a more dramatic statement. Merle says people don't wear gowns to cocktail parties, which is kind of a good point. I mean, it's not called a "cocktail dress" for nothing. Stefani says she likes the jacket and the skirt is okay, but she hates the dress and this was her least favorite look from Merle this season. Lisa Kline agrees with me that the color of the skirt and top don't go together. Elle makes a good point that the dress is just a bit too short so that you can still see the hem of the skirt under it.
Finally, it's Kathy's turn. DSquared2 really liked the subtle-yet-clever ways Kathy's look transitioned. Elle loves it, too. But Stefani is in a horrible mood this week and says the red vest lining is "killing" her and would kill retail sales as well. Lisa Kline agrees. I don't care what they say, I liked it. What's wrong with a bright lining?
With that, the judges have their stupid whisper discussion and announce the top two: Kathy and DJ Eric. Of COURSE it's DJ Eric. He is now in the finals. He'll probably win the whole contest. But at least he doesn't win -- that honor goes to Kathy. Suck it, Stefani and Lisa Kline!
That leaves Louanna and Merle in the bottom two, and their outfits will be examined backstage. DSquared2 remind us that this is a "major" decision because the person who doesn't go home tonight will make it to the finals. They look at Merle's design first. They still think she should have done something floor-length, and their expectations were higher for her and she just didn't meet them. Elle loves the jacket, both for its fabric and cut, but not the other colors Merle chose to use. The judges do like the design in the back of the dress and how the outfit fits in with the rest of her line. As for Louanna, she used way too much satin, to the point that Elle's grandmother wouldn't even wear this. Well, she might. But to bed. As pajamas. Like Elle, I have an English grandmother and she actually once bought me a set of satin pajamas. I had no idea what a forward-thinking fashion plate she was! Stefani doesn't think Louanna's line is as cohesive as Merle's.
With that, they return to the stage to announce the big loser. It really should be Louanna, but everything's been leading up to Merle getting her embarrassing comeuppance. Oh! But Louanna gets dropped! She is pissed. So pissed. But she pulls it together enough to insincerely thank the judges for the experience. DSquared2 compliment her for having a "sophisticated and elegant" "taste level." Louanna cries in an interview. Aww, I don't want her to be sad. Your dad was rich! You're set for life no matter how well you do on a reality show! Be happy, Louanna! She says she thought she'd be in the top two overall and wouldn't have done anything different. I think she should be especially proud of that sunglasses pirate eyepatch.
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You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.