By Keckler
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Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 18
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when the Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter is low, the episode suffers.
After last's week's brief foray to the Left Coast, we're back in New York to continue with Ethnic Stereotypes Who Own Restaurants. As Mr. VO explains that the Hamptons are "a summer getaway for the rich and famous," I really want him to go on and say, "Welcome to beautiful Westhampton, where the rich play and the desperate watch. Ten years ago, this quiet, picturesque burg was the sight of a grisly murder that rocked the citizens to their well-heeled souls." He just has that sort of voice.
Anyway, we're here to pay homage to Finn McCool's, a family-run Irish eatery. Buddy, a retired cop, is the red-faced owner, and one of his sons, Jason, works the bar while the other son, Brian, is the chef. It would appear that Brian is the problem child in this situation, as both Buddy and Jason talk some smack about him. He cuts corners, he talks back to his father, he's cocky and arrogant, and he deep-fries bacon. Normally, I'm a fan of the bacon and the deep-frying, but when Buddy describes the bacon as coming out "like pig's tails," I'm thinking it's one of those "never the twain shall meet" kinds of things. Jason's wife, Melissa, is a waitress, and she testifies to the fact that Brian ignores anything Jason says. Buddy tells us that they are losing so much money, they don't even have enough to put a sign out front to tell people who they are. OPPORTUNITY! Jason and Melissa are both tearfully worried about what would happen to Buddy if the restaurant failed. Meanwhile, Brian notes, "It's not my boat and I don't want to go down with it."
Ramsay stands outside Finn McCool's and notes that it looks like a funeral parlor. Stepping inside to Lord of the Dance music, Ramsay meets the staff and family. The family and one older waitress, Carol -- who admits she would "love to get [her] hands on Gordon" in an erin-go-bamp-chicka-bragh sort of way -- start piling on Brian as the source of all their problems. After letting them all argue discordantly and loudly for awhile, Ramsay decides to sit down for a meal. Raise your hand if you're surprised Ramsay heads straight for the seafood and asks about the freshness. Melissa admits that the clams are frozen, so Ramsay orders salmon, shepherd's pie, and Finn spring rolls.
In the kitchen, Brian knocks back a beer and brags about drinking Ramsay under the table.
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