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By M. Giant

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With only three days left, the producers have some more curveballs to throw at the town, starting with burning down the job board and incinerating the Pioneer Journal. After an obligatory day of looting and rioting, the town settles down, and Jonathan blindsides the Council by making them give out the last $20,000 Gold Star, with no preparation, in place of where there's usually a Showdown. DK almost balks, but then the Council ends up giving it to Zach. With no rules and no districts, Emilie invites herself into the Yellow girls' bunk but gets pissed off over being excluded from their girls' night. Migle is the one who defuses the resulting fight. On Day 40, Jonathan makes another big announcement: the Gold Stars aren't over. In fact, there are three $50,000 Gold Stars to give away on the last day, and the people who have already won the smaller ones are in the running for them. But before the bigger Gold Stars can be put into play, the town needs to race through some arbitrary party-prep tasks in an hour. Which they do. Then everyone's parents show up for a tour and a meal and a big party before the last Town Hall meeting, this one in front of the parental units. The $50,000 Gold Stars end up going to Sophia, Morgan, and dark-horse Migle. As the kids all say their tearful goodbyes, we realize that throughout this whole season, with everything that happened, we never saw anybody -- anybody -- drink a single drop of bleach. Want more? The full recap starts right below!

He says he has adult conversations that don't go that well. He thanks everyone (failing to add, "pussy asshole shit goddamn fuck," by the way), and Morgan goes back to hug her folks to much applause. Morgan interviews that this was one of the best days of her life, that the people in town make her feel good about herself, and that she feels like she belongs there more than she does any place other than with her family at home. She does not add, "Cocksuckers!"

Two down, one to go. DK stands up and talks about someone who has worked hard and has been constantly improving: Yes, it's Migle. The applause starts slow and builds even slower. Laurel in particular looks almost as shocked as Migle herself does. Migle's mom looks amazed, but her dad doesn't seem to react at all. He doesn't even crack a smile until he sees his daughter slowly rise and go to the front. They're from Lithuania, remember, so it's possible he doesn't have a great deal of English yet. It also makes it really hard for me to make a joke about how much Migle's parents look like a pair of Bond villains. Migle gives Jonathan a big hug and smiles back at her parents. She tearfully talks about how much this means, and Michael admit-erviews that Migle was the wild card. Wild card's one word for it. Some might say "dark horse." Some might even say "travesty." Not I, however. Michael goes on to say that she contributes "a lot of kindness to the town." Migle tells her parents that this is for them, and then heads back to hug them. She interviews that it means a better life for her family, and as she does so, she holds the star in her lap while she fidgets. This has the effect of making the star periodically reflect the sun in such a way as to blind me. $50,000 won't buy me new retinas, Mig.

Jonathan wraps things up. He tells the kids they've done something totally amazing over the last 40 days, and that adults can learn a lot from the 37 of them. The three who left are, he leaves unsaid, total losers. Mike's mom stands up and tells the kids she's proud of all of them, and thanks them for giving them hope for the future. Standing ovation from the parents. Jonathan milks the moment as he slowly says, "Head outside, grab your bags, and say good-bye to each other for the last time ever." And yet there's all that interview footage of the GOLD STAR winners that was clearly shot the following day, either at Bonanza City or in front of a particularly convincing backdrop at Sears Portrait Studio. Huh. Jonathan continues, "Good-bye, pioneers. We will miss you. And keep building a better world!"

The kids get up and file out past their still-seated and still-clapping parents, then mill around outside as they hug and say their farewells.