So have you heard about this New Media thing? Kelly sure has! At least this week! With the business still just as sluggish as it was last week -- debtor clients are closing up shop and aren't able to pay People's Rev. Kelly despairs and says she wants to only represent the big clients now. She longs to represent Life Savers. Yes, the candy. They're a national brand and they've endured. (Michelle: "Wouldn't they melt on a runway?")
But as so often happens in this life, when we are at our lowest and worry about being able to make it another day, Donna Karan comes calling. (Though Donna Karan doesn't want to actually appear on a basic cable reality show, so we never see her.) DKNY wants to commission People's Rev to create a short film for a viral campaign. The film would be a promotion for their new wrap-sweater that they're calling a "Cozy". It's a bad name, but the sweaters looks nice. Anyway, DKNY is a huge client, but it's gonna be an assload of work.
Thankfully, that promise of heaps of work does not yield yet another episode about how overworked Stefanie Skinner is. Girl, I love you, but we got it. No, this week, Skinner and Andrew continue their non-romantic, common-law office marriage by planning a surprise party for Kelly's birthday. They want to do a dinner at the Carlyle, which is Kelly's favorite place on Earth. It seems they always try for a surprise party, but Kelly always sniffs it out. Skinner frets, "If she knows we're up to anything..." "...She'll rape us," Andrew concludes. Wow, already finishing each other's sentences? Andrew works on keeping Skinner's easily fray-able nerves in check, while Skinner interviews that they should celebrate not only Kelly the person but also Kelly the businesswoman who is currently "re-directing the company" into the brave new Facebooky future. It's a more confidence-inspiring statement than when Skinner later brags that Kelly is "re-inventing the wheel of what PR is." People, do we need to go over what that phrase really means?
Andrew and Skinner cut out of the office to go on a cake testing. They thought it would be a fun idea to say they're an engaged couple and get in an afternoon of free cake out of it. So off they go. Andrew puts one of his rings on Skinner's finger (from bended knee, of course), and Skinner suggests they should exchange pants (her jeans for his skirt). They have a lovely afternoon, and Andrew muses, "What better faux wife than Stefanie Skinner?" Indeed. Meanwhile, back at the office, the harried prep for the DKNY shoot continues. Kelly wants to burn "Native American soul stones of the seven powers" but can't find matches. She finally does ... and proceeds to harangue poor Tim for still smoking. Lady, you got balls.
As for the shoot, they're basically planning to hop around New York shooting guerrilla-style around various landmarks. They won't have any permits, but Kelly plans on hiring out some "six-foot-seven Irish-American security guys who are also cops" to help grease the wheels when the fuzz comes calling. You might think Kelly has a stereotypical view of the Irish, based on that statement, but that's nothing compared to the mental image I have of green-beer-swilling Darby O'Gill types twirling their batons and harassing Italians.
So the first stop on this whirlwind tour of Manhattan is Columbus Circle. My subway stop! I can't believe I somehow missed this event -- I am there every day! So Kelly's idea is for the models to be a "Power Girl army" clad in "cozies" (ugh), marching around doing very New Yorky things. Like crossing the street at Columbus Circle! Kelly really thrives in this production environment, as you might expect. She helps herd the models and keep the pedestrians out of the shots. She is loving life. WHY do I keep looking for myself in this crowd? Like Kelly Cutrone accosted me at Columbus Circle one day last fall, and I just blocked it out?
After a visit from Ava, during which Kelly once again expounds upon her parenting philosophy. Look, I think Kelly is a fine mother, and Ava is a total doll. But these scenes almost never add anything to the show, so I'm just glossing them over, 'kay? Anyway, after a visit from Ava, and as the daylight seeps away, the DKNY army clomps onto Wall St. Kelly wants a shot in front of the New York Stock Exchange, but for obvious reasons, the security in that part of town is awfully tight. But Kelly's security Micks prove they were worth Kelly's investment, as they manage to shake some hands and slap some backs and get Kelly time to shoot the models. Kelly is so psyched about all this, she's about to start floating.
The final shooting location is Washington Square park. Kelly has about 30 minutes to get this done before they have to start paying the models overtime. But everybody is really firing on all cylinders, and the footage gets wrapped just in the nick of time. Kelly's almost crying at how well this all went. It's honestly thrilling to see someone so clearly and delightedly in their ideal professional element.
So with the DKNY short film a rousing success (here's the finished product, it's back to party planning. After Andrew has some misadventures trying to fit the cake into the second floor fridge (a second floor that People's Rev is renting out to someone, I might add), and he and Skinner deal with an amusingly ironic small-scale RSVP crisis (RSVPs are the boogeymen of People's Rev), it's finally time for the big night. Robyn undertakes the Herculean task of getting Kelly to the Carlyle somewhere close to the target time and (more difficult) without Kelly taking the evening's plans into her own hands and ruining everything. To Robyn's credit... she doesn't do too badly.
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Meanwhile, Andrew gathers everyone at the tony Carlyle suite, and they wait. When Kelly finally shows up, she's genuinely surprised -- shocked, in fact -- that these people organized the surprise for her. She even gives Skinner ten up top. AND she gets tearful, not only at the party as she tries to articulate how much this means to her, but also in her interview. "I don't have other people to think about me like that," Kelly says, as she chokes up and starts to cry. Then she says she'll have to go outside, as per her own rules. You guys! Me too, maybe!
So that was Season 1 of Kell on Earth, a show that surpassed my expectations pretty significantly. I knew I liked Kelly, but not only did she not disappoint, but supporting characters like Skinner and Andrew and the People's Rev gang (yes, even Robyn) turned out to be pretty compelling. And in Skinner and Andrew's case, wildly likeable. Kudos on that, Kell on Earth. Here's to a Season 2.
Joe R hopes to be dragged out of the path of a guerilla fashion shoot by Kelly Cutrone on the way to work tomorrow. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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