So we learn some things about Andrew this week. Like that he has a giant designer-crush on Rick Owens. And that he has seen the Addams Family movie enough times to know what the Mamoushka is. Or that he and his crazy-wealthy parents live in adjoining apartments, and that it's not so much that Andrew needs a job as that he spends his days working at a job. Which means that while, say, Skinner and Tandrew are each driving themselves to Ulcer Town for various reasons, Andrew's big existential crisis involves whether he wants to continue working in fashion PR or pursue his dream of being a fashion designer. It means that he's got a giant, gold Versace throne in his bedroom. In his apartment that adjoins his crazy-wealthy parents' apartment. I still love Andrew, you guys, but it's important to know the flakiness that comes with the Andrew package.
Starting with the part this week where People's Revolution runs out of paper. Like, entirely. Because Andrew forgot to place the order for more paper. Kelly describes Andrew's upbringing for us -- "As my grandmother used to say, he's spent his life 'with his ass on a tub of butter.'" I have NO idea what that means, but I love it. So Andrew orders, like, three crates full of paper at once so he won't have to order again for a long time, because it's a hassle. And even though it totally busts the People's Rev budget. It's going to shock you to know that I think Andrew is impractical.
The budget problems are an issue, though. Kelly's feeling the cash crunch, having put up some of her own money to float the business by until some of their clients' bills come due. As such, they can't afford to hire anyone despite the fact that they are woefully understaffed. And shit's about to get a whole lot more woeful. But first! Andrew gets staffed out to help Skinner and her giant mountain of work.
On that tip, Andrew gets assigned to oversee a look-book photo shoot for client Xeniya, which makes a line of under-$500 gowns (bless Kelly for selling this as an economy-friendly outfit). Andrew and Skinner preside over the shoot, and it goes down with a bare minimum of disaster and drama. It's their usual dynamic, Andrew trying to get Skinner to de-stress, Skinner trying to nudge Andrew in the general direction of doing more work. Andrew does get the owner of Xeniya to admire his ripped fishnets, though. Kelly is duly impressed -- with the shoot, not necessarily with the stockings. She tells Andrew she could probably get him a job at Rick Owens. She just wants him to give her 8 months of hard work. Andrew, in that semi-oblivious way that I'm still choosing to find endearing, is like, "I've already worked for you a whole month and you still think I just started here!" Oh, Andrew. But it's a cheerful whine, and ultimately I think Andrew likes working for Kelly. Even if the "working" part isn't always what he's looking for.
Plus, okay, Andrew maybe doesn't get to complain about anything anymore because Kelly totally brings him along to hat-designer Stephen Jones's apartment, where they all just sit around and try on ridiculous and amazing hats for what seems to be several hours. The visual of Kelly and Andrew cycling through, say, clear-mesh top hats adorned with pearls, or black-felt Burger King crowns, all while sipping cappuccino from white porcelain teacups is already a billion times more entertaining than anything I saw in Alice in Wonderland.
By episode's end, Andrew continues his theme of not-exactly-working by planning a dinner party -- an Addams Family-themed dinner party. He invites Skinner and fellow People's Rev co-worker Michelle, but Skinner shows up wildly late because she had to finish blah-blah-blah weekly report blah-blah running myself ragged is part of my identity blah. After a slightly passive-aggressive toast where Andrew and Skinner momentarily come across like squabbling marrieds intent on making their guests uncomfortable, both chill out and enjoy Andrew's painstakingly gothic dinner presentation.
But those were just the adventures of ONE Andrew! What about our other, bronzer Andrew? Well, Tandrew is languishing in the purgatory known as "being Robyn's assistant." We see footage of Robyn being "nice" to everyone but Tandrew -- even though "nice" for Robyn is a relative term. We see her nitpicking every little thing Tandrew does, and while it's tough to tell whether this is just Robyn being a pill or Tandrew being a ditz or a little of both, the way Robyn speaks Tandrew's name as if she has a constantly-flaring-up UTI makes me want to side with the orange one. Maybe I'm just fascinated by the rubber hoodie he's apparently rocking. For the Michael Cera-loving dom/sub fetishist in all of us!
"Robyn is pretty much miserable a big part of the day," Tandrew assesses. He also, unsurprisingly, thinks she needs to get laid. To that end, we see Kelly and the Cabal (incl. Robyn and Emily) take a walk around the nabe, hitting on the Soho locals. One of whom is this artsy-cute skater boy who seems interested in Robyn. And thus am I put in a bad mood for the rest of this recap. He's, like, four days off the bus, and he's vaguely Latin American/Spanish/rocking the puppyish "I don't know this city so well, show me around, hey, I don't know why I'm wearing a wedding ring either, it must be because I'm so foreign and naïve" thing. He runs a good game. Just not sure why he's choosing to run it on Robyn. Anyway, Kelly's like, "Do you want to come to some fashion shows?" Which is, like, totally the last sentence a street urchin hottie like this hears before he emerges three years later from being chained up in Karl Lagerfeld's tastefully appointed sex dungeon. Anyway. Kelly thinks he's perfect for Robyn. "He's that perfect kid that you want to roll with you. They can just hang out and go to your events and look cute and they just want to fuck and have a good time." And Kelly isn't the Millionaire Matchmaker why, exactly?
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Despite him stopping by People's Rev randomly one afternoon, things between Robyn and Lucien don't exactly work out (he returned to Seattle ... and his wife, come on, you know it's true). So cut to another Ladies' Night Out, where Kelly gets right to the task of trying to set Robyn up with their hottie waiter. Who totally seems like he might have sex with Robyn to get on TV, so there's hope!
P.S. I know I don't ever acknowledge the Kelly at Home segments, but that's for your own good as well as mine, as those segments are deathly boring. Usually. This week's was pretty notable, for two reasons: 1) the sight of Kelly Swiffer wet-jetting around the kitchen, and 2) Ava, on the phone with her grandmother, trying to convince her not to shop at Wal-Mart. "Don't go to Wal-Mart! It's so bad there!" Kelly's trained her little anti-corporate darling well.
Back to poor Tandrew, though, as he gives an interview where he says he makes either $15,000 or $50,000 a year, either of which seems insane, frankly. He says he considers quitting every day. I know we're supposed to see Tandrew as a flake -- the other side of Andrew's flaky coin, in fact; but I can't help but have all the sympathy in the world for him, having to be subject to awful Robyn and her every bitchy whim. Skinner's kind of with me, and she gives Tandrew a really sweet pep talk. Partly because she can't afford to have him quit and thus leave all his work for her to do. But also because it seems like she and the Andrews genuinely band together in times like these.
Seemingly out of the blue (to us, if not the People's Rev team), Tandrew tells Kelly that he's got an out-of-town wedding he booked days off for months ago, and while he feels sorta guilty for taking a week off while everything's so crazy... He trails off so he doesn't have to say "Ain't no way I'm passing up drunken wedding sex so I can toil in Robyn's salt mines." Kelly tries to passive-aggressive her way into convincing Tandrew to do just that, but he holds his ground. So Skinner and Andrew prepare for short-staff-pocalypse while Tandrew lightly jokes with Andrew about "OMG wouldn't it be hilarious and kind of great if I got fired?" Ahh, that's like Stage 3 in the Road to Quitting Your Job handbook.
So cut to the morning after Andrew's dinner party, and yup! Tandrew has quit. Via e-mail it seems. Not only that, he's moving back to California. Hopefully to return to his true passion: hairstyling. And not getting called a retard. As Skinner talks nicely about him, we reminisce on the good times we had with Tandrew. Tanning beds. Britney lyrics tattooed on his arms. Generous offers of spare Ativan. Skinner will miss the workload he used to shoulder, but she'll miss her hairdresser even more. Aw.
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Meanwhile, this all circles back to Andrew, who will now be getting even more responsibility. Which is not exactly what he's looking for with this job. He's great with being Kelly's assistant. But as far as becoming a de facto junior publicist? "I don't really know about this." Foreboding!
Discuss this episode in our forums, then watch Kelly Cutrone shop for sex toys.
Joe R will miss Tandrew more than lispy words can say. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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