Okay, before we get to the weecap proper, a bit of business: We've been dealing with the dual Andrews on this show based on a color wheel system, referring to Kelly's goth/grunge/gay assistant as Pale Andrew and Robyn's bronzer-streaked assistant as Orange Andrew. We were fine with it. But tonight, Kelly was kind enough to gift us with a head-slappingly superior method when she referred to Orange Andrew as "Tandrew." Where have you been all my life, Tandrew? So from now on, Pale Andrew is just Andrew, and our orange friend is Tandrew. Done.
So two weeks ago, Stefanie Vorhees finally relieved us of her presence, then Kelly and her lieutenants went to London, then Andrew took Skinner out for a liquid lunch because holy God could she use it.
This week, Kelly, Emily and Robyn are still in London, and we get to see that Kelly and Ilario -- Ava's Eurotrashy-yet-hot father -- are not together but still manage to get it on when they happen to be on the same continent. I'm sorry, please hold -- GET SOME, KELLY CUTRONE! For their last day in London, Kelly and company are helping to produce a runway show for Jeremy Scott, who looks familiar in that "I have probably seen you on another reality show" way. He's an "avant-garde pop artist," says Kelly, which in this case translates to "sends his models down the runway wearing Flintstones outfits." Not Flintstones-inspired outfits, but actual orange sack-dresses with tiger stripes. Oh, FASHION. You're fucking with me this time, right?
Back in New York, Skinner and Tandrew note Emily's obsessive emails to them outlining every little thing they should be doing. Skinner's overworked as it is -- this becomes a theme -- and is in no mood to deal with Emily's trans-Atlantic bullshit. Speaking of Jolly Old, Em and Robyn busy themselves keeping sticky-fingered hangers-on from absconding with Jeremy Scott's free swag. And then back to New York again, as Andrew (and his super-skinny arms) spearheads the "Mom and Dad are coming home, time to clean up" effort.
Once Kelly and her Kel-lettes return, Skinner gets about a metric ton of work dumped onto her. Only now that she's gotten a taste of self-governance, she's not quite having it as Emily hovers over her and nitpicks her every task. There are two problems here: One is that shit is genuinely not getting done, and Kelly needs that to change. Skinner needs to learn to deflect and delegate or else nothing's going to get done. But the other issue is that Emily is a bitch, and Skinner is fed up. At one point, after Emily lectures Skinner over TPS reports or some such paperwork, Skinner reaches her tipping point. She starts crying, at which point she immediately gathers her stuff and starts to go outside, because she knows the rules. This was a "meltdown into a puddle of Skinner-dom," according to (who else?) Delightful Andrew. This is all about how Skinner needs to just shove some of her workload onto someone else, so it's hard to get too invested in the particulars of who's in the right. But the bigger picture is that Skinner needs to learn that burning herself out doesn't make her the best employee on the planet, it makes her the worst. Kelly interviews that she doesn't want Skinner to be a casualty of the business. Ultimately, Skinner returns to the office and re-prioritizes.
At an indeterminate number of days later (let's say: the day!), Emily and Skinner actually team up to produce a cocktail party for designer shop owner Ina Bernstein. The whole shindig appears to be paid for by Patron, but disaster (!) strikes when the tequila runs out. Now, if Kelly were around, she'd be able to pass her hands over gutter water and turn it into tequila at will, but she's not. So they call up the tequila company and wait (im)patiently for the delivery to show up. While they wait, Emily furiously works the room, introducing any editor in sight to Ina and doing all but a brisk tap routine to keep people from noticing the booze has dried up. The tequila does eventually arrive, and Skinner gets a better appreciation for the things Emily does well.
Meanwhile, the B-plot (and... not a very compelling one) focuses on Kelly's upcoming book. Other than the book's title -- If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, which we already know -- there's not a whole lot of meat on this subplot's bones. Kelly talks a bit about her life story (came to New York in 1987 with a $2k check and a willingness to work her way up), waxes profound about the life of a "power girl," and takes part in a photo shoot for the book jacket. Aside from the fact that Kelly actually allows herself to be put in makeup, there's not much to write home about.
The C-plot is of less consequence but much more fun: Tandrew goes on a blind date. In the prequel to this tale of romance and bronzer, Kelly takes a trip to the local sex shop (where she is shopping for a vibrator for the receptionist at her doctor's office, like WHAT? You guys, the HMO industry is so fucked if medical professionals have to send fashion publicists out to buy their vibrators for them), and while she's there, she picks up a bottle of lube for Tandrew. Kelly wonders aloud whether this is acceptable behavior for an employer. I can't answer that, but if it is, Secret Santa is going to be OFF THE CHAIN this year. BTW, Kelly says her doctor's receptionist sent her on that vibrator-seeking task because Kelly "looks like a person that uses a vibrator." I feel like I know Kelly well enough to say she probably took that as a compliment.
So, cut to Tandrew on his date, which is awkward but functional, probably the best one could hope for a blind date. Andrew tries to lead his dinner companion down the road to sexy talk with a word-association game, but before things can get risqué, Kelly and Andrew CRASH! The DATE! "I'm trying to get laid," pleads poor Tandrew in an interview. Kelly ends up dominating the evening, of course, with her direct manner and fashionable poncho.
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I would also like to mention the uncommonly excellent DVR-buster segment this week, which involved Andrew (and, by proxy, Kelly) hitting on a hot, muscle-tanked, pornstache-sporting photographer on the street. After getting the guy to open up about how his mother paid for his giant bicep-accentuating tattoo (!), he also drops that he has a girlfriend. Another one bites the dust. "That's the problem with this city," grouses Andrew. "Everybody looks gay."
Yes.
week, the Skinner burnout continues apace, and Tandrew strongly considers quitting his job, because working for Robyn has got to be the worst.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then watch Kelly Cutrone shop for sex toys.
Joe R wants to know more about Kelly's doctor's receptionist. ...Actually, maybe not TOO much more. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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