Kathy, as you may know, is in favor of the gays. And she lives in California, home of Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage. Kathy's position on this is demonstrated b the fact that she calls "Prop 8" by its other name "Prop H8". For some reason, we see a shot of Paris Hilton voting, but I don't want to dwell on what that means for the democracy. The point is that when this episode was shot, the constitutionality of Prop 8 was being considered by the California Supreme Court. And Kathy's going to go talk to a famous gay couple: Melissa Etheridge and her wife Tammy. What? A famous guest star? I had no idea that's where this was going!
So Kathy joins Melissa, Tammy, and their two children in their kitchen. Melissa's dossier contains the phrase "David Crosby's sperm", which I for one am tired of reading. Kathy ladles on the sarcasm as she explains how "bizarre" and "strange" the Etheridges are. Really, they're aggressively normal. I mean, I've never stood around with the whole family making cookies, but I guess it's what normal families do. Kathy asks for tips on becoming an A-Lister, and Tammy recommends sleeping her way to the top. Kathy explains that she tried that with Lance Bass, but it didn't work. Back to the theme: Kathy's cause is Prop 8, and Melissa is on board. Although she points out that it's a potentially controversial issue, and that Kathy might make people not like her. That's directly against the message of My Life on the D-List, which (if it has a theme at all) is about Kathy trying to get everyone to like her. Melissa recommends staying away from the religious argument. "I don't wanna convince anyone that their God loves me. That's a losing battle." Instead, she wants to argue on the basis of equality and the Constitution.
Kathy interviews that she was trying very hard to listen attentively and be socially conscious and all that, but on the other hand, there she was in a room full of cookie dough. And one of the tiny Etheridges was eating it with a spoon, which I don't see how anyone can resist. So I do not fault Kathy for having some. I'd like some myself.
In the Etheridge Living Room, Kathy interviews Melissa and Melissa's Oscar, which Melissa claims to have gotten via activism. Well, it's for the soundtrack to An Inconvenient Truth, so I guess she's got a point. The message Kathy hears is "Activism = Award Statuette." Melissa talks about Norma Rae for a bit. Kathy explains that Sally Field played Norma Rae in a fine movie (for which she won an Oscar, but it wasn't the "You like me!" speech) about union workers trying to get equality. Kathy identifies with Norma Rae, whom she describes as a "feisty little gal." So Melissa takes up her Oscar and dubs Kathy "Norma Gay".
Griffin pad. Tom, Tiffany and Maggie are hanging out on the couch drinking wine. Well, Tom's napping, but I think he might have had some wine earlier. Kathy harasses them into putting the wine down and waking up so that they can be activists with her. She seems offended that Tom was asleep in the middle of the workday, but I believe he's technically her tour manager, right? So if she's not on tour, can't he take a nap now and then? Anyway, Kathy wants to find a rally and get involved. Also, she wants to make young people get involved.
Kathy: "Oh, I know what this looks like. You think that I'm going to have my assistants do everything for me. Well, they're not. And I'm a little bitter about it. But no! I'm gonna do some [bleep] myself this time." You go, girl.
Santa Monica Boulevard! That's a quote from "I Love L.A.," you know. Just thought I'd mention that. Kathy is going to the Gay & Lesbian Center, which is going to be filled with youthful gays. Exactly the sort of person she just said she wanted to talk to! What a coincidence! Kathy is welcomed by Jon, who is the person who welcomes people like Kathy. He assures her that the kids are in a frenzy. And that overstates it a bit, but they do seem to be fairly happy to see her. She's worried that she doesn't know what the kids are into these days, although she does have some material on Miley Cyrus. It looks like they're doing some sort of roundtable or something, and the residents of the center cheerfully talk to her. One gentleman named Nathan explains that when he was homeless and living in sleazy motels, he would watch Kathy's show religiously. Kathy points out in an interview that most sleazy motels don't carry Bravo, if they even have cable to begin with. So it must have been a pretty nice sleazy motel.
Jon runs down how the center works: teens can live there 18 months but they have to go get a job or go back to school. Kathy tells us how great the place is because it gives a home to people who have been shunned. She chats with the residents and asks them if there are any celebrities they'd like her to "dish" about. Madonna? "Never met her." Lady Gaga? "Not on that party list." Beyonce? "A little A-List for me." James Franco? "Never seen him or met him." The gossip session is over, and we move on to the Prop 8 segment. Nathan's parents are Mormon, so he knows a lot of people who gave money to stop it. Trevor (another resident -- look, unless it's Jon or Kathy, just assume any name that shows up in this scene belongs to a resident, okay?) complains that "we're doing it for the children" is a line that should be backed up with some sort of evidence that gay marriage is bad for children. Kathy says "Love is love," and feels kind of dopey about it. But she owns it!
The confab adjourns to the dorm room, which is a more casual feel than the room they were just in. It looked like a conference room, but I guess it could have been a recreation room. That's my point: it looked like any generic room with tables and chairs. Boring! Kathy tells them about Matthew Shepard, who was beaten to death in Wyoming for being gay. She feels that the younger generation needs to know about things like Matthew Shepard and Stonewall. This is a pretty rough recap, you know? I thought Kathy Griffin's show was going to be wacky fun! Maybe the wackiness will start up when Kathy takes these teens to Sacramento for a march.
Crescent moon. It warms the cockles of my heart.
Yes, my heart has cockles.
! Kathy takes a class on canvassing, which is going door-to-door asking people why Prop 8 passed. She quickly volunteers for the "roleplay", in which the canvassing script is demonstrated. She goes off-script pretty quickly, telling the instructor (playing an unhelpful homeowner) that he's an asshole. It looks like one of the things they'll be doing is trying to find out if people were confused by the fact that a "No" on Prop 8 was a "Yes" for gay marriage.
End of class! Kathy is assigned a minder, because for some reason, they seem to think that a stand-up comedian shooting this for her reality show might possibly pull some shenanigans. Let's find out! Kathy's going to Pasadena, which (we're told) overwhelmingly voted for Prop 8. Kathy plan is to talk about the Constitution a lot. The first door they knock on... has nobody home. Ditto for the second one. Kathy thinks people are probably home ("They're in there gay-bashing!") and plans to smoke them out of their holes. She points out that "Smoke them out of their holes" would be a good name for a gay bar. I think it's a little long.
Kathy accosts a man on the street (because no one will answer their doors) and he tersely says that he voted "No". Then he flees. She finds another women on her lawn, and she has a walker, which Kathy figures means that she can't get away. The woman voted for "a man and woman," due to her religion. But when pressed on how gay marriage would affect her life, she says "I'd just go along with it." She admits that maybe she'll vote for gay marriage time. Kathy views this as evidence that people will listen to reason. Now Kathy's minder leaves her, so Kathy and Tiffany are on their own. They get some people who voted the wrong way because they were confused. Then Kathy find a guy who admits that gay marriage wouldn't affect him but is still opposed to it. Kathy does not enjoy saying "I respect your point of view," but does it anyway.
When Kathy finds a woman who explains that she voted against gay marriage because she figured they'd still get all the rights with civil unions, she's right there with the counterargument that over one thousand rights require marriage. And she's got dates and figures. She's taking this seriously, because it is an issue she actually cares about. There is a tragic lack of shenanigans.
Airplane! Sacramento! Rally! Kathy has a Matthew Shepard video to show to the gay youths, who have joined her in the hotel. Everyone cries, and it's very sad. I'm told that the sad song is that "Into the Arms of Angels" thing that's also on the really sad Humane Society commercials. Kathy explains that her first march was for a candlelight vigil for Matthew Shepard, and this is all way too sincere and meaningful to actually recap. Sorry. I'll pick it up again when Kathy's done telling the kids about how important this is.
Marching! Chanting! Signs! Bullhorn! I like that Kathy is describing the goal here as "legalize marriage". They're on the steps of the state capitol, and there are speakers. Frank and Joe are registered domestic partners (it sounds so romantic, doesn't it?) and Frank tells a heartbreaking story about how Joe is losing his ability to walk and Frank's health coverage won't cover him even though all the officially married guys he works with get coverage for their wives. They get some screen time, as does Frank's mom. She's firmly on their side, and emphasizes that Frank and Joe have a better marriage than her own heterosexual marriage was.
Midcommercial: Back in LA, Kathy has shown Maggie the Matthew Shepard video, and there is more crying.
Oh, thank god. Kathy's doing a comedy show at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. Hooray for funny stuff! It's still hard to actually make fun of, but at least I'll be enjoying it. The MC tells people to turn off their cellphones and that pictures aren't allowed, but Kathy grabs the mike and insists that it's okay. She likes having her picture taken! She's excited about this show, because this is her kind of crowd. After explaining that it's a benefit for the at-risk teens, Kathy reveals that now it's "LGBTQI". Like me, she is surprised that new letters have been added. She knows Lesbian Gay Bi Transgender Queer, and the "I" is for "Intersex". Kathy is one of the few people who can get away with making fun of the concept at a benefit for that very thing. If you're curious what "Intersex" means... well, you've heard the expression "the carpet doesn't match the drapes"? "Intersex" means the couch doesn't match the recliner. That might not make sense. I'm writing this at 12:42 AM and it's 95 degrees here in Seattle. Anyway, Kathy uses this to segue into making fun of Oprah and Gayle. Everyone enjoys it.
At the end of the show, Kathy auctions off two bins of Melissa Etheridge's cookies. She starts the bidding at a thousand dollars, and actually gets it. They go for $1,500. Oh, and Kathy would like you to know that "lesbian cookie" is a phrase around which one could craft a ribald innuendo.
The meet-and-greet involves rich people meeting the at-risk teens. They raised over $30,000, which everyone seems pretty happy about. Kathy is also happy that the gay youths are getting involved and might enter a life of activism.
The kids do short interviews thanking Kathy. Kathy does an interview about how "this coming Tuesday" the California Supreme Court is going to announce their decision. Then after some commercials, Kathy is angry. Take it to the streets!
Kathy and Maggie are in the streets. Maggie is in a wheelchair and has a sign saying "Gay Marriage: I'll Drink to That!" Kathy does an interview with a news station (wearing glasses and her business hair) saying that she's a proud Californian but is ashamed of the Supreme Court. There are more signs and speeches and George Takei. Kathy takes the podium and does her speech about being Norma Gay and that "Union is not enough. We demand marriage!"
week: Kathy gets a Madame Tussaud's wax figure and works on her book. That sounds easier to make fun of.
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