By Joe R.
So Kathy starts flipping her assistants off from the back of the room, while Julie tries to maintain some dignity and talk about managing stress levels. Tom, subtitled as always because he mumbles like a psychopath, says he deals with stress by not sleeping and pulling his eyelashes out. Speaking of psychopath! Kathy latches right onto this one, and she asks repeated questions to Tom about it. I don't think he's kidding either.
Someone asks Team Griffin about any nice things they've done for Kathy, which devolves into Kathy calling Jess on the phone and harassing her about never buying her any nice presents. Jess does mention, kind of sheepishly, that she was there for Kathy during the divorce, which I totally thought was gonna bring the mood down, but it didn't. Then Jess tells a story about Kathy losing a panty-liner earlier in the day. What's good for the goose, Kathy! Anyway, everybody seems to have fun, and no one asks for their money back. At least not on camera.
Back at the house, Cesar Milan has come by to train the dogs. Cesar looks way more like Benjamin Bratt's older, dog-whispering cousin than I expected him to. I was picturing someone more frou-frou, I'm not gonna lie. They joke around a bit about Kathy using the training on the people in her life, including her mother, and then about getting the dogs to walk on treadmills (...I don't know). Then Cesar starts eyeing the Emmy, which is course is displayed prominently on a table. Kathy interviews that she will use Cesar's lust for the Emmy to make him do her bidding.
So then there is dog training, mostly focused on getting the dogs to walk on the treadmill. Cesar does his whispering thing and sure enough, Pom Pom (Chance? I kind of forgot which one was which) is walking on the treadmill, calm as can be. Kathy's totally impressed, you can tell, though she completely goes back on her promise to give him the Emmy. You can pry it out of her cold, dead hand, she says.
Kathy and Team Griffin are off to San Francisco for the Bear Convention (sigh), where she is met by the head Bear (it would seem), who introduces Kathy to "[his] cub" (siiiiigh). Kathy, of course, brings Woz, both because he looks like the dictionary definition of a Bear, and because she hopes it will make him uncomfortable. She doesn't say that second one, but come on. Anyway, if you've seen one big, fat, hairy dude, you've seen them all, so I'm not going to describe everyone Kathy encounters. She poses for photos while Jessica flirts with the guys. She wants to be a Cub but settles for "Goldilocks" status, which I think means she's a Bear hag. Kathy pulls Woz -- who is being a hell of a good sport about this -- into a photo.
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