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We pick up pretty much right where we left off last time and perhaps surprisingly, the first person Boyd accuses of ripping off the shipment is Wynn, who denies it while still pointing out how few people knew about it. Thinking it through, Boyd has Cyrus hauled into the bar and Wynn awesomely shoots him with his own BB gun at random intervals while Boyd interrogates Cyrus and finds out he spilled the beans to "Candy" (Teri, that is) about the shipment coming in. Boyd goes to Ava with Cyrus's description of Teri's… er, talents, and while Ava is really freaking out that Boyd doesn't seem to be doing anything for her, she does eventually point Boyd in Teri's direction. He sends Carl to collect her, which maybe isn't going to be as fun for her as a mouthful of Pop Rocks.
Apparently bowling was quite the aphrodisiac, but before Raylan can get much further with Allison than making out on the stairs, Art calls with news that Xander Berkeley (whose name is "Charles Monroe") is likely going to be released in the morning, so Raylan should be ready for whatever he might pull. Raylan finds Allison in her skivvies smoking weed, but he still isn't fated to go through with it, as some baseball-bat-wielding, shamrock-tattoo-sporting tough shows up for a little chat. He claims not to know who Monroe is and leaves without any violence, but when he gets back upstairs, Allison is dressed and says she has to go. Royally (and blue-balledly) annoyed, Raylan is waiting when Monroe is released to warn him not to send any more goons after him, but Monroe -- with some underlying menace -- denies having done so, which seems believable to the viewer if not to Raylan.
Monroe then calls his lawyer, who gives Art an earful about Raylan's harassment of his client, so Art's solution is to send Rachel to babysit Raylan. When Allison shows up at the house again and hears about the guy with the bat, she realizes it's a lovely soul named "Henry," whose son she put in foster care when meth was found among the kid's GI Joes. Henry claims, perhaps truthfully, that Allison planted the drugs, but Raylan is not trying to hear that and warns Henry to stay away from her. Rachel, however, is not sure that pot-smoking meth-planting Allison is necessarily the best thing for Raylan -- and what if she and Henry are in cahoots? This show is so good at letting its characters think like actual people, even if the conclusions they draw aren't always correct.
Lee has recovered his ability to speak and is hearing testimony from both Mara and Mooney as to what happened while he was in the coma, and Lee informs Mooney that his number-one job from here on out will be to keep Mara safe. Mooney points out that Mara can no longer credibly finger Boyd for the attack, so Lee's like, you're absolutely right -- so you go ahead and kill him. Mara calls Boyd, and we're meant to think she's luring him into a trap -- but later, Mooney gets a message that Mara called in a report saying she saw Boyd outside her house; when he goes to investigate, Boyd gets the drop on him and a wild-eyed Mara literally grabs him by the balls for his disrespect the other night. As Mooney prays her grip doesn't slip in the wrong direction, Boyd calmly tells him that the 300K payoff he promised Lee can be his if he'll only tell Lee he killed Boyd as he asked, and Mooney agrees. Later, Boyd and Mara hang at the bar, and Boyd tells Mara he needs Lee either to recant his statement about Ava or to discredit him, to which Mara replies that Lee won't take Mooney's word that Boyd's dead -- he'll need proof, so they'll just put Boyd's hand tattoo on a dead guy's body. She's got Boyd under her thumb, doesn't she? (I was going to save the hand jokes for the full recap, but it just couldn't be done.)
Darryl has not gone anywhere, and in addition to enjoying Dewey's somewhat coerced hospitality, he makes him an offer he literally can't refuse, that being to "help manage" his new fortune. In this case, though, Darryl actually has some formal business training from his time in the clink, not that he needs it to figure out Boyd ripped Dewey off good with his $250K price tag for Audrey's. He tells Dewey to go back to Boyd and demand a hundred grand back (of which he'll take half as a consulting fee), and it's saying something about how much he fears Darryl that Dewey goes along with this "request." Dewey ends up telling Boyd about Darryl, but Boyd barely has time to tell Dewey to put his foot down with his cousin before peace-ing out.
Oh, remember Monroe's African-American maid/girlfriend Gloria? He concludes that the guy who showed up at his place must have been having an affair with her -- and I love the parallel to Rachel's mistaken (?) conclusion -- so he chokes her almost to death before telling her that no one but the two of them can know "where that gold's at," and then he actually smothers her with a pillow. Again not to death, and like, the poor girl but one more almost-death and I'm not going to be able to stop myself laughing. Finally, though, she reminds him that "Duffy" put in his hidden safe, so he must have an idea there's something valuable in it, and he tells her he's going to need her to go in and get it for him. Gloria talks her way into the house with some cock-and-bull story about the koi pond, but Raylan and Rachel catch her in front of the open safe, after which they tell her to go back to Monroe and tell him the safe was empty. Extending the plan, Raylan shows up to Wynn's trailer to protect him from Monroe's understandable and erroneous conclusion that Wynn ripped him off. Raylan's barely gotten Wynn up to speed, though, when shots are fired outside. Rachel is on the scene, but it turns out bodyguard Mike shot Monroe not-quite-dead. Whatever else he may do for Wynn, he's certainly good at this part of his job.
In the end, Allison and Raylan look like they're finally going to get the job done, while Dewey sticks out his chin and tells Darryl to hit the road. Darryl's like, sure, no problem -- but then he takes him in the back, where Dewey finds Danny Crowe having beaten Wade up while the Haitian ("Jean-Baptiste" is his name) watched, and it's because Wade had been skimming most of the profits and sending them back to Boyd, as we figured from last week's scene with Carl. Darryl puts a gun in Dewey's hand and tells him to kill Wade, but we don't see what happens; what we do see is Carl hauling Teri into Audrey's (inside a literal box), after which Boyd determines that "he" put Teri up to it; using her phone, he calls the "he" in question… Cousin Johnny Crowder. You could see that coming most of the episode, but still: THIS SHOW!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We pick up very soon after where we left off last week, with Jimmy and Carl struggling with disposing of certain people who have botched their last drug delivery in this life, while Boyd is on the phone asking Wynn if he ripped him off. Wynn does not so much appreciate the unfounded accusations, as you can tell by the way his speech breaks from its normal military measurement, but he goes on to say that the only people who knew about it -- as far as they know, anyway -- were the two of them, "Mikey, your two shitheads, and that unwashed roomful" of drug pushers. He asks if anyone jumps out at Boyd and Boyd, his eyes fixed on the aforementioned two shitheads, says he'll call Wynn back. Hopefully Boyd will have the respect to let them finish their burials before he begins his interrogation.
Back in Xander Berkeley's house, Raylan and Allison are making out, so never let it be said bowling isn't an aphrodisiac, although it can't hurt to have Raylan resetting your pins. (I don't know what that was supposed to mean, sorry.) They fall onto the spiral staircase, but before things go up any further, Raylan gets a call from Art, who tells him that Xander Berkeley, whose name as I said in the recaplet is "Charles Monroe," is having his bail hearing and will probably be released on his own recognizance in the morning. Raylan has to step away from Allison to be able to concentrate, so busy is she trying to get his pants off and who could blame her, but he says he understands that he needs to be prepared in case Monroe comes after him, which unsurprisingly has happened once or twice in the past to marshals in analogous situations. If you were to tell me that said situations involved a marshal driving off in the killer's sweet ride all "FUUUUUU," it wouldn't surprise me, so the call is probably well-earned.
When Raylan gets upstairs, he finds Allison rolling a joint and is like, you know I'm a marshal, right? However, I'm sure he's aware that any more than a reflexive protest from him would be fairly hypocritical given the contortions he's put the rules through over the years, so he doesn't press the point as Allison tells him it takes the edge off. As Raylan disrobes as efficiently as one can while wearing cowboy boots, Allison goes on that the hardest part of the job is knowing that she's responsible for the worst day of any particular kid's life (that being the one where she separates him or her from one or two unfit parents). Raylan takes his shirt off and gets on top of Allison, who somehow retains her faculty for speech as she asks what awful things he has to endure on the job, and he could probably give her nightmares just by describing the general hygiene of the people he arrests, but he's saved from having to answer the question by a car alarm going off outside.
For some unfathomable reason, his pants are still on, so he reaches into the pocket for the keys and deactivates the alarm -- but it goes off again a moment later. Cut to him opening the front door and turning the thing off again, whereupon a gentleman wielding a very fashionable baseball bat chuckles about how easy those car alarms are to activate. Not one to be intimidated by deceptively threatening conversational topics or weapons masquerading as accessories, Raylan replies that in his day, they just rang people's doorbells and ran if they wanted to screw with them; this devolves into some typical-of-this-show witty banter in which the participants are talking past each other. If you're listening, though, you'll notice that -- unless he's going out of his way to lie and is really good at it to boot -- The Natural, who looks a bit like white-trash(ier?) Jack Black, does not really have any idea whose house it is.
That point, however, is not something Raylan chooses to buy, as he immediately reckons Monroe sent The Natural. Raylan shows his badge "just so everything's out in the open," and The Natural sees the wisdom in that: "Less chance somebody makes a mistake that way." They're being so affable! Why do they need weapons? The Natural asks if Raylan's a cop and Raylan's like, oh, it's cute the way you keep pretending you don't know. The Natural, however, is surprisingly persistent in maintaining that he doesn't in fact know a thing about Raylan, Monroe or the house. If you take this on faith, of course, there's probably only one other logical reason for him to be there, but let's put a pin in that for now in favor of noting the big shamrock tattoo on The Natural's neck. He then decides to take his leave and allow Raylan to get on with whoever he's got upstairs, and after Raylan throws a vague threat after him that probably isn't particularly intimidating given that The Natural honestly doesn't know him, Raylan heads back into the house to… try for another strike, I guess. (That one actually works, I think.)
However, when Raylan gets back upstairs, he finds Allison dressed, and she tells him he's not going to believe this -- she has to go! Frankly, Allison, I think we're all pretty shocked, but Raylan actually verbalizes it: "Really?" And with one among us having hilariously blue balls, we go to opening credits.
When Monroe is released, he finds Raylan waiting for him. I guess with the way Allison left it makes sense that Raylan wouldn't have gotten much sleep. After Monroe wonders if he's there to return his keys and Raylan reminds him that being released for the moment has no effect on his property seizure, Raylan tells Monroe not to send any more "shitkickers" to his house, adding that Monroe will be responsible for any felonious thing involving an agent of his. Monroe, once again pretty convincingly, gives the impression that he has no idea what Raylan's talking about, although he's less explicit in saying so than The Natural was. Or he is until he reminds Raylan that he had quite the criminal past before he went into finance, the point of which is that "if I were to come looking for you, it wouldn't be to set off a car alarm." Raylan, blithe as ever, tells Monroe he knows where to find him -- haaaa -- before heading out… probably to jerk off and get some sleep.
Oh, Lee is fully awake and Mara is hotly telling him that where she's from, if you go to the police, you end up a non-speaking extra in Delicatessen. Lee murmurs that Mooney works for him, but Mara's like, it didn't seem that way when he hauled me out of the car, which is indicative of why I thought I needed Boyd's protection. Mooney, who's apparently also there to plead his case, asks Lee not to buy into her "crap," but Lee -- his voice rising -- tells Mooney that Mara's obviously not used to this kind of business, so from now on his primary responsibility is to ensure her safety. Mooney wonders what they're going to do about Boyd, then; given that a bunch of his deputies saw her stare into Boyd's face and assure them he wasn't Lee's attacker, she's no good as a witness. Lee: "I want you to kill him." Mooney, I think this has been a dream of yours for a while, so what's with the constipated face?
Speaking of Boyd, he and Wynn are waiting in his office when Jimmy manhandles Cyrus into the room. Cyrus tries for some bravado as he asks Boyd why he had "Captain Fauxhawk" (heeee) haul him in; as he and Boyd chat, Wynn excitedly asks Jimmy if he's holding a BB gun, and Jimmy, handing it over, replies that Cyrus had it with him. Wynn's like, so the more you pump the harder it shoots is the idea, and when Cyrus gives him a disparaging duh, Wynn shoots him right in the face. Cyrus recoils in pain and cries that Wynn almost took out his eye, and Wynn's like "I know, I missed" before shooting him again. Hee. From here, the scene is kind of like that one in Boogie Nights with all the cocaine and the Asian boy toy running around dropping those little bang snaps; you can never relax but you're still going to keep laughing.
Amid all the target practice, Boyd supposes Cyrus was an unwitting accomplice to the theft of the product, and after making his meaning plainer with the intensely poetic statement that "pussy is a powerful thing," Cyrus weakly tells him that "she calls herself Candy," and she does "this little trick." He starts to act it out, but thankfully Carl comes in with the news that "that Russian lady" is on the phone, so Boyd goes to take the call, but not before letting Cyrus know that it would be in his interest to let Wynn know everything he does about "Miss Candy." Now that we have a good idea Teri's behind the theft, it's a solid bet who's behind her, but all will be revealed soon enough, including whether Wynn lets Cyrus escape his interrogation with both his eyes intact. Boyd, for his part, sounds like whatever Mara's asking might be unwelcome, but then again he doesn't usually sound too happy unless he's grandstanding for an audience. Which, as this episode shows, happens rather a lot.
At the office, Art is not thrilled that Raylan showed up to harass Monroe, particularly not since Monroe's lawyer used the word "harass" in a call to Art, so Art -- after confirming that Rachel has her go-bag in her car -- tells her she's going to keep Raylan company at the Monroe house. Raylan snits that he's got a chaperone, but Art, never one to give Raylan the last word, says that this is merely backup; "chaperone" is what he would say if he suspected Raylan of using the house for personal business. Ha! Sounds like Art was not convinced that bowling could have gotten Raylan that out of breath. Art faux-genially goes on that the "shitstorm" he just endured via the telephone would be nothing compared to what would happen if a civilian got hurt on property of which the Marshal Service was custodian, and not only is Art enjoyably giving Raylan shit, he's backing up my point that Raylan has no business getting bent out of shape about a little weed. As Raylan heads out, Rachel drawls, "Call me if you're gonna be late fo' suppah," and Raylan shoots her a look that's as impotent as it is rare.
Dewey comes out to the main area to see Darryl chowing down on a Wade-prepared (I think) breakfast; Darryl grandstands that his father always said Harlan was hell on earth, but he never saw "so much green" as he did that morning. Dewey uncomfortably asks how long Darryl's planning to stay, and at first Darryl's testy about "if I didn't know better" he'd think Dewey wanted him gone and how the Feds won't know he's there unless someone tips them off, so Dewey points out that that's not the only way -- Raylan knows Darryl and he comes around all the time. After wondering if Dewey is his "bitch," Darryl informs him that his probation is over thanks to him helping Raylan, so he can come and go as he pleases. Dewey's like, "You came here" with a smile I would describe as approaching twenty watts, and Darryl replies he thought Dewey could use some help before lecturing one of the female employees about the proper preparation of café con leche. Heh.
Dewey wonders what Darryl thinks he needs help with, so Darryl's like, managing your new fortune, obvs! Dewey wonders how he heard about that, shooting Wade an accusing look and getting a non-verbal denial in response, but despite the recent mention of Raylan, Darryl doesn't elucidate; instead, he says he took a bunch of classes while he was in jail in subjects such as business administration and accounting. He asks how much they take in a week, and Wade stammers that it's five or six hundred net. Dewey adds that "takin' care of whores" is expensive, but Darryl wonders if that's Boyd talking, and when he hears Dewey paid $250K for the place, he thinks Dewey for sure got ripped off -- there's a nearby restaurant with a liquor license on the block for half that, "and it has curb appeal!" Hee. I don't anticipate getting tired of Darryl busting out pearls of wisdom from his business jail education anytime soon. Opening a beer, Darryl says he knows Dewey would like him to go away and leave him to his business -- but first, Dewey needs to talk to Boyd and tell him that his "real estate consultant" has counseled him to ask for $100K back. He adds that he'll take half that for his time and expertise, after which "you'll see my taillights. How's that sound, big man?" Considering that Darryl probably stands about seven feet taller than Dewey, it's hard to blame the latter for agreeing, even though even he must know the talk with Boyd won't go well.
Raylan's leafing through the morning paper as Rachel, God bless her, wonders if it's really logical to conclude that Monroe would think sending some rando over would get Raylan out of the house. Raylan idly supposes he sent him to be an asshole -- and as good as Raylan is at his job, this is a prime example of him being lazy when he feels like it -- to which Rachel replies, "You do bring it out in people." Hee. Rachel then notes "the blonde at the door," and Raylan has to be thinking she picked a hell of a time to come to her senses now that Rachel's there, but he mumbles to Rachel about her being Loretta's case worker and then scurries outside before Rachel can even make a play on Raylan "working her case," which I thoroughly trust she would have done. Outside, Allison has already figured out from the extra vehicle that things have changed, and Raylan shakes her hand for appearances with a wry and self-deprecating smile that suggests even he doesn't think he's fooling anyone. Raylan explains that the Mexican car-alarm standoff is the reason for him no longer having the place to himself, and when Allison recalls that he told her it was on the fritz, he replies that he didn't want to kill her buzz, "so to speak." Considerate, I suppose, but if he had burdened her with the information, he would have learned much earlier that Allison is familiar with The Natural: "Did he have a shamrock tattoo on his neck?" Raylan, realizing he made a trip to jail for nothing: "Please tell me that was a lucky guess." Nice play of "lucky" off the mention of the shamrock, Raylan, but still: No dice.
Speaking of people down on their luck, Ava comes into the visiting room, whereupon Boyd hugs her and the lawyer assumes the hearing-impairing position. Boyd brings up "Candy" and the robbery, hoping Ava can help him figure out who she is based on her sexual MO, and with the time Ava's recently had to reflect on her life I can't imagine she's super-proud to realize she's essentially a walking database on the whores of Harlan County. Ava's got a different bone to pick here, though; she's annoyed that Boyd doesn't seem to be doing anything for her case and hurt that he's bringing up his business instead of asking her how she's holding up, and when he tries a patronizing "you don't need to know the details, sugar" tack, that amazingly doesn't go over so great either. After another little interlude with the lawyer, who looks like he's aging a year every time one of these visits happens, Boyd tells Ava that getting her off would be easier if the charges weren't true, and when she points out he's the one who told her to move the body, he counters that she shouldn't have sent Jimmy off. Ava asks if it's all her fault, then, to which Boyd replies that he didn't kill Delroy, and given the pounding Lee took when he suggested Boyd's love for Ava might have its limits, it would only be fair for him to witness this now. Ava gets up to go, but Boyd wearily rises and tells her he still needs to find the girl. As irritated as Ava is with him she'll probably conclude that helping him will end up helping her.
Oh, here's The Natural at home watching a nature show on TV when a car alarm goes off outside. Callback! He grabs his bat and opens the door, but he hasn't even crossed the threshold before Raylan's elbow connects with his nose, and while many of us would be very happy to come into contact with most of Raylan's body parts, that one is an exception. With The Natural on the ground, writhing in pain and bat-less, Raylan notes that the bat is a smart weapon -- with his record, being caught carrying a knife or a gun would mean going off to jail, but a bat can be explained as part of a friendly baseball game. I'd wonder if we shouldn't put restrictions on convicted felons' right to play baseball, but the MLB would probably have something to say about that.
"Henry" chuckles through the pain as he asks Raylan how he found him, and Raylan's like figure it out, so Henry supposes "that bitch" saw him the night before and gets the bat to his arm for his trouble. Raylan's like, I should have been clearer; the ways to get this bat to connect with you include, but are not limited to (a) standing and (b) calling Allison a bitch. Rather than thank him for the lawyerly presentation, Henry asks if Allison even told Raylan what she did to him. Raylan replies that her story is that she put "Henry Jr." in foster care after the Lexington PD found crystal meth in the kid's GI Joes, but Henry calls bullshit -- as a professional, I never brought the meth I cooked home, so Allison must have planted it during a wellness check. Raylan sardonically wonders why such a check might have been called for -- possibly because Henry Jr.'s kindergarten teacher saw bruises on the kid and was like oh haaaail no? Henry, however, blames Jr.'s MethMom for that, but does add that she kicked the habit again for a while -- until Jr. got taken away. Raylan asks if Henry's saying this whole thing is Allison's fault, and Henry half-whispers that she took three years of his life away and sent his kid to live with strangers, so he's thinking yes, totally her fault.
Surprisingly, Raylan rolls with the idea that Allison might indeed have planted the drugs -- I'm guessing even in the limited contact he's had with her, he already sees a kindred rule-breaking spirit -- but says that whatever she did, it was only because she thought it was in the kid's best interests. He adds -- and I think the advice from the new father is sincere even if he's not overly invested in whether Henry follows it -- that if Henry wants to see Jr. again, even talk to him, he needs to stop screwing up other people's lives and focus on fixing his own. Henry, however, doesn't really take the advice in the spirit in which it's intended, so Raylan kneels down and assures him that coming near Allison again will result in jail for him as a best-case scenario, and when this seems to land, Raylan heads out the door. That's pretty good work for something that's really in the realm of personal business.
Oh, remember Monroe's maid/other-service provider Gloria? In a hotel room or other space that is not the big house, she's disrobing and telling Monroe she missed him and two days "without it" was so hard for her so eff the judicial system, and if that's not romantic enough, as he gets into bed with her he speculates that maybe "they thought she'd get one of them mandingos you grew up with to come and help you pass the time." If I can't even think of anything to say to that, I can only imagine what it's like for a writer to churn lines like this out. Gloria is mildly (and not nearly sufficiently) disgusted, but as he holds her from behind a little too tightly, he notes that Louisville isn't so far and [more racist language that's not worth memorializing]. She wonders why he has to be such a jerk "sometimes," but as it happens he's on about the man who came to the house the night before and drew Raylan out; "you break into a house like mine, you either gotta know how to bypass the maximum-security codes or you gotta be able to draw the person staying there out."
He goes on that someone would only do that if he knew there was something inside worth his while and how to get to it, and it seems like he's making an awful lot of assumptions here; for one thing, if Gloria were this nonexistent man's co-conspirator, is this really the best plan she'd come up with, knowing the house as she does? But Monroe is sure enough of himself that he's not about to give Gloria a chance to argue her case -- at least not before choking her to the point where she can barely talk. Taking him seriously now, she weakly gasps that she doesn't know what he's thinking, but he's like, that doesn't matter -- what matters is that he can't abide anyone but the two of them knowing about the location of "that gold." He finally drops his faux-casual act as he whispers that it's such a betrayal, after which he takes a pillow and holds it over her face to smother her. She kicks and struggles, but he holds fast, grunting with animalistic effort -- until he once again lets go, and as I said in the recaplet I'm sorry for Gloria but one more time and it's going to be funny. The upshot of Gloria having had her life flash before her eyes, though, is that she recalls that "Duffy" put the hidden safe in, and while he may not have known what it was going to house, he'd surely have realized it would be quite valuable. Monroe seems immediately to believe her, and he gathers her in his arms in quite a different way as he says as much, adding that it just would have been easier if she hadn't been so "argumentative." Great, now I have to watch the scene again, because I don't remember that at all. First, though, Monroe says he's going to need Gloria to go in and get the gold for him, and while Gloria might point out how slim her chances of success are, I'd imagine she might not survive another accusation of being argumentative.
Back at the manse, Rachel brings up the possibility "Little Miss Sunshine" planted meth on Henry, and when Raylan irritably asks why that matters, Rachel's like, maybe you should ask her about it -- because if she were a criminal Rachel's not sure what he would do, "the way you've been managing your life lately." She's got a point; look at what happened with Lindsey. The doorbell rings, but Raylan doesn't opt to be saved by it; instead, he asks where Rachel is going with this whole lecture, so Rachel's like, a guy lures you outside for an extended chat, and it doesn't even cross your mind that Allison could have been in cahoots with him? Raylan defensively tells Rachel that (a) they don't need to discuss what a mess his life is and (b) presumably referring to the fact that Henry had nothing to do with Monroe and that Rachel doesn't need to be there anymore. Raylan, given that Rachel is there on Art's order, you're sounding borderline whiny, which is one of the few looks that isn't good for you, so cut it out.
Rachel doesn't dignify all that with an answer, instead opening the door to find Gloria, who starts to wonder if they remember her and gets a curt "The maid, not the housekeeper" from Rachel. Heh. Gloria says she's there to check on the koi, and when Rachel tells her that's not happening, Gloria inquires that if "Mr. Monroe" (Rachel: "You call him 'mister'?") gets convicted and the marshal's office gets to sell off the house, "how your old bosses gonna feel if they miss out on a hundred thousand bucks 'cause you wouldn't let me check the PH?" Raylan can't believe "that buncha goldfish" is worth that kind of money, but Rachel sighs for her to go ahead and they'll be along in a moment. I'm surprised one of them doesn't go with her now to make sure she doesn't pour bleach in the pond, because at least to Raylan's way of thinking it seems like the kind of dick thing Monroe would order done.
No matter how reluctantly, it looks like Ava did in fact ID Teri from her MO, and as Boyd bustles about the bar he tells Carl she can be found either at her mother's place or her sister's. Carl asks if he knows who she's working for, and Boyd -- much like everyone at this point -- says he has a pretty good idea but needs it confirmed, so Carl needs not to let anyone know she's been taken and for her to be left alive. Carl doesn't reply "as you wish" in a Boba Fett voice, which shows that his usefulness only goes so far. As Carl departs, Dewey enters and Boyd decries his typically terrible timing, but Dewey starts babbling about a restaurant in Corbin with a peeling curb. Boyd's like, unless the waitresses blow the customers it's not exactly a comparable situation, which is a fair point. Dewey does better when he says that Audrey's isn't making near the margins Boyd promised him it would, and it's kind of hilarious that the margins actually are what Boyd promised; he's just skimming the bulk of them.
Dewey quickly negotiates against himself, asking for only fifty grand (which would all go to Darryl) and then saying he'd even take it as a loan and pay Boyd back with a cut of the Audrey's receipts. Boyd shows how great a poker face he has by not even smiling at the irony of that one; instead, he asks Dewey what's really going on. When Dewey tells him about Darryl wanting to take over Audrey's, Boyd starts grandstanding (an audience of one will do) about Dewey being "a newly minted small businessman on his way to bein' bona fide" and a man who needs to put his foot down, and he doesn't stop blowing sunshine up an uncertain Dewey's ass until he walks right out the door. Dewey, you're a ball of yarn being batted around by two very sharp-clawed cats. Time to figure some shit out.
Oh, here's Gloria opening the safe, which by the way makes loud beeping noises every time you press one of the number keys. Did she really think she had any chance of pulling this off? On top of everything else, gold bars are heavy; how was she going to explain dragging her purse across the floor? Not that she gets that far, as Raylan and Rachel both appear like three seconds after she gets the safe open. Raylan: "On second thought, I could see how someone would pay a hundred for those." I'd think maybe more, but I have the feeling an auction will settle the question soon enough. Cut to a close-up of one of the engraved bars as Gloria is like, so you want me to go back to Monroe and tell him the safe was empty? Raylan confirms that and tells her that if she doesn't cooperate, she's going to jail. Given what happened in her last scene with Monroe, I wouldn't think that settles the question, but her expression does make it look like she's going to play along.
One of Mooney's deputies comes in to tell him Mara called and said she thinks Boyd's driving by her house; she also asked for Mooney personally. Mooney looks put out but not suspicious, and when we cut to him pulling up to the house, the front door is open. Mooney draws his gun and heads upstairs, where he catches sight of a half-naked Mara apparently just having gotten out of the shower, and his insta-boner apparently blocks any oxygen flow to his brain, because how does this picture fit with her having called for help and the open door downstairs? Well, the answer is that Boyd appears from behind him, gun drawn, whereupon Mara hotly strides forward and smacks Mooney in the face -- like, really gets her whole body into it -- before grabbing him by the balls and wildly telling him he shouldn't have disrespected her the other night as he did. Hilariously, Mooney holds his arms out in a gesture of surrender, but Mara shows no sign of relaxing her grip, so Mooney appeals to Boyd, saying that killing him will probably mean him being hunted down. Boyd drawls that he's hoping it won't come to that -- in fact, he'd like to offer him the money he was going to give to Lee if he'll only report to his master that he killed Boyd as ordered. Mara finally lets go and heads to Boyd's side as she suggests it would be better just to kill Mooney: "He's only loyal as long as you have the gun." Her instincts are probably correct, but we know Boyd only kills (at least by his own hand) when he really has to; he'd rather use his victims as chess pieces if at all possible. As such, Boyd announces that Mooney will be loyal enough as long as he thinks he's playing for the winning team and asks who it's going to be: "Boyd Crowder or Lee Paxton? Now who you figure's gonna be the last man standing?" Mooney looks like he's going to let his testicles answer for him.
Wynn is just starting to enjoy a nice salad with some white wine -- with a bib on just in case things get out of hand -- when Mikey tells him that "Givens" is there. He asks if Wynn wants him to let him in, and Wynn replies, "No. I want you to get back behind the wheel and see if we can outrun him." Not quite as good as "Do you see any cats?", but I'll take it. When Mikey lets Raylan in, Raylan tells him he was hoping for a private word, but Wynn, without getting up, calls over that he's not super-psyched for that idea. After some verbal jabs on both sides, though, Raylan tells Wynn he's there to protect him, and that's enough for Wynn to tell Mikey to take a quick walk. Wynn asks from whom Raylan might be shielding him, so Raylan explains about Monroe, a guy who's "washed" nearly three million for Wynn in recent times and, Raylan also reminds him, whose hidden safe Wynn installed. They discuss things further, but eventually Wynn has caught up to the rest of the class: "So… you're protecting me from a situation you created?" Raylan: "I could see how you'd see it that way, if you want to focus on the negative." Before a giggle can escape our lips, though, shots are fired outside, and when Raylan exits the trailer he sees Mikey kneeling with his hands clasped behind his head. As Rachel covers him, she says he pulled and shot before she'd even cleared her holster, and after Wynn pipes up that Mikey has a license to carry a concealed weapon, we see whom he plugged… Monroe, who's twitching on the ground. Raylan counters to Wynn that Mikey doesn't have a license to shoot people before remarking that he didn't think he had it in him, but Wynn replies, "Mikey's a stone killer. Why do you think I keep him around?" You'll forgive me for adding "in bed" to the first part, but it works even better that way.
A overhead shot of Monroe staring fearfully into space fades into a close-up of a bottle of whiskey or perhaps bourbon, and then we pan up to Mara, who's smoking a real cigarette this time as she notes that Boyd offered Mooney the same money he promised her. Well actually, he told you he didn't have that money at the moment and you were like "Get it," but I suppose the point that he leapfrogged her is valid -- not that she thinks he actually intends to pay Mooney. A female singer gives us oddly ethereal music on the soundtrack -- it's more Twin Peaks than the norm for this show, but it does fit this particular scene -- and Mara does ask why he doesn't finish Lee off, given how close he already came. Boyd replies that it was "an overreaction." In Boyd's defense, Lee was being argumentative!
Boyd explains about the Ava situation, saying that he needs either to get Lee to change his testimony or to discredit him, and Mara thinks that won't be easy and adds that Lee won't take Mooney's word that Boyd's dead -- he'll want proof. Giving him an appraising look, she asks if he has tattoos, and when he replies that he does sport a few, she tells him to show her. She's inscrutable as ever and they share an intense look, but he complies and we see all that body art that, I think, has been under wraps since Season Two. Not surprisingly, Mara's eyes go straight to the swastika on his arm, and when she gets up to run a hand over it, he explains that it was from a long time ago. She replies, "On my street growing up there were old men who killed Nazis, and old men who were Nazis." It doesn't sound like the most fun place to grow up, but I guess her point is she's not judging.
She asks if it's from jail, and after he confirms that, she says it's the same thing in Russian prisons: "Your tattoos tell your story." If Boyd were to get one now, I have the feeling it might be the Chinese character for "confused." He tells her she has cold hands, but she doesn't stop touching him as she smiles that her mother used to say "Cold hands, strong body" -- in such a cold climate as theirs, your body can't heat its entire self, so it learns what parts to heat and what parts it can get away with not. She adds that her mother was a survivor just as she expects Boyd is, and after she runs her hand down his torso, she takes his arm. As I said, Boyd's got a great poker face but it still seems like his mind and body both are being pulled in a bunch of directions and he's not all that unhappy about it. After another moment, though, Mara notes the tattoo on his hand and says they'll put it on that of a dead man -- and with that, she sits back down to her drink as if nothing even happened. She may be able to move right on, but I think I'd like to ask her for one of those cigarettes. Boyd, for his part, doesn't exactly race to put his shirt back on, but his voice is even as he asks if she happens to have a dead man lying around, and she chuckles: "My husband owns a funeral home." Convenient! With an inquisitive smile, she asks if he could find a dead man, and at his silence, she grins more broadly: "Can you find more than one?" It's like she saw the first scene!
We cross-fade into another hot scene happening over drinks, as Allison is over with Raylan once again, which makes sense now that Monroe isn't a factor. After asking what will happen to the gold ("sit in a warehouse, then we'll auction it"), Allison recalls that Raylan was pessimistic about Monroe being convicted, but Raylan's like that was before all the attempted murder, duh. After noting that if Monroe were more trusting of his girlfriend (Raylan: "She's his maid"), none of this would have happened, she offers that it makes her wonder how he sees her. Raylan: "Worried I'll see you as my maid or as my girlfriend?" Hee. Allison, however, eerily echoes Rachel's earlier comments by asking if he never thought she was a part of it and wondering if he tends to get involved with women "who run afoul of the law." Raylan admits that there may have been one or two examples of same, and Allison points out that he can't really be sure that she wasn't in on the whole thing. That uncertainty of what evil may lurk in the hearts of men is a theme the episode explores pretty solidly, but Raylan has had enough philosophizing and would very much like to fulfill the promise of the first act, for which I cannot say I blame him.
Dewey returns to Audrey's (he's been gone a long time; has he been psyching himself up for hours?) and calls for Wade, but it's Darryl who appears and tells him he sent everyone home. He asks if Dewey got the money from Boyd, but Dewey's like, even if I did, you'd still be hitting the road not one cent richer! Darryl makes the most hilarious faux-indulgent faces during this little speech -- I couldn't love Michael Rapaport more in this role if I tried -- before he's like, kid, you've got moxie, and I will totes get out of your hair, but before I do would you like to know why the profits from this place have been so lean? Dewey asks if he's got a leaky water pipe or something, and Darryl lets just the right amount of veiled menace creep into his voice: "Or something."
He holds the beaded door curtains leading to the office aside and invites Dewey to see for himself, and Dewey heads on back -- to find Danny Crowe standing over Wade, whose head is in the dryer with the Haitian casually reclining in a chair like it ain't no thang. Danny grabs Wade and turns him to see the crowd, and we see his face looks like chopped liver as Darryl introduces "Jean-Baptiste" and says that teenage "Cousin Kendall" is out in one of the trailers. Dewey asks why they beat Wade up so bad, so Darryl's like, I'll let him tell you, and Wade confesses his pilfering -- Dewey should have been clearing almost three grand a week. Dewey flings himself at Wade, but Darryl holds him back as he instructs Wade to tell him why, and Wade finishes his song as he confesses Boyd put him up to it. He says he's sorry and that Boyd gave him no choice, but Dewey stomps out, probably as mad that he had to rehire Chrissie because of all this as he is about anything else.
Darryl follows and is like, this is all cool, and by the way, I haven't seen any gators so how do you get rid of bodies around here? Well, I can think of a few people not to ask. Dewey's brain catches up to his ears as he asks if Darryl's going to kill Wade, but Darryl's like, well, he didn't steal from me, did he? He hands Dewey something wrapped in a cloth that is surely some kind of deadly weapon: "You are." I guess this is a logical conclusion to the "be a man" tug-of-war Dewey's been involved in all episode, but Dewey -- and I wouldn't say this about just anyone -- Wade's someone who's going to be a lot less funny when he's dead, so figure a way out of this for me, okay?
Back at the bar, Boyd is nursing a drink all by his lonesome when the door opens and spills in the sunlight, after which Carl drags in a crate that you'd think isn't big enough to hold a person if you didn't know otherwise. Boyd asks Carl if anyone saw him, but he tells him he didn't go in "until her mama left for the Bingo." Heh. Boyd instructs him to open it and sure enough, inside there's a bound, gagged and whimpering Teri. Given that she used to be employed here, I wonder if she could claim a hostile work environment? Boyd simply asks, "Where is he," but Teri says she doesn't know, so Boyd kneels down with a face that's intimidating even for him, and Teri babbles that "he" called and offered her money for information on when the drugs were coming in, so she got it. Boyd: "And you called him back." He asks Carl if she had a cell phone on her, and when Carl produces it, Boyd calls the number he's looking for and gets a "Hey, darlin'." Boyd: "Hello, Cousin Johnny." THAT'S IT. See you week!
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. His new film, a documentary on online privacy and the exploitation of personal data called Terms And Conditions May Apply, a New York Times Critics' Pick, is now on iTunes here. You can get news on it from the film's Twitter accountor website, or check out trackoff.us to learn how to protect your privacy. Also, you can email John at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or check out his blog, "Pull Up A Chair," which he'd just love for you to stop by.
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