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Perhaps not surprisingly given the episode title or advanced press releases, the season opens with Raylan on the stand giving reluctant testimony about that time when Dewey was made to think he'd lost his kidneys, which seems like a hundred years ago but has actually been only a few months or so in show time. When Dewey's lawyer dangles the threat of a class-action lawsuit against the Marshal Service and the FBI -- using Raylan's supposed/actual abuse of Dewey to do it -- Vasquez agrees to a $300K payoff. And Dewey's not the only Crowe on the show anymore, as we're introduced to his cousin Dylan, who's not necessarily brighter than our Dewey but is definitely more dangerous, as the first thing we see him do is kill a dirty Coast-Guard-associate of his family's for making fun of his stutter.
Art wants to send Raylan to Florida to investigate Dylan's Cuban career-criminal associate (oh-by-the-way-ing that this would give Raylan a chance to see his daughter), but Raylan instead goes to chat with Dewey, and you know what he did with his ill-gotten gains? Bought Audrey's off Boyd, of course! And hired Wade Messer, who's out of prison, to help! Dewey knows nothing -- it may surprise you to hear -- so Raylan heads off to Miami, which always ends up well for everyone. (To wit, Raylan later video-chats with Winona and his daughter, but skips any mention of the fact that he was in their town.)
Ava's in jail and Boyd tells her he's going to do whatever it takes to influence the legal system sufficiently to get her out, but first he has more Northern fish to fry, as a truck from Detroit meets with Boyd in what's supposed to be a normal drug delivery/purchase -- you'll remember SERIES REGULAR Wynn appointed Boyd his Detroit heroin rep in last season's finale and meant it this time -- but with Detroit "in free fall," as the traitorous yet hapless driver tells Boyd before Boyd kills him, no product is actually delivered. One of the other guys wings Boyd in the ear before he meets his maker, so in frustration Boyd calls Wynn and tells him they're taking a trip to Detroit.
They climb fourteen floors in a dystopian hollowed-out industrial space and demand their drugs from Picker -- who answers by shooting Sammy Tonin in the back of the head and spraying Wynn and Boyd with his blood, which at least isn't a new experience for one of them. This all is part of Picker's plan to pay off some Canadians to whom Sammy was in debt for seven figures. Boyd and Wynn aren't taken so easily, though, and end up capturing Picker, who sets up a meeting with "the Canucks" (one of whom is played by Dave Foley, like, this casting is blowing my mind), who are done with doing business with incompetent US criminals but agree to give Kentucky one more shipment, whereupon Picker offers to broker new business for them in Mexico. It's all trust and good feeling from here on out, I'm sure.
In Florida, the local marshals tell Raylan about Dylan Crowe's partner in the Coast Guard officer's demise -- he's a Cuban national who works for the Crowes as a family enforcer, and the family business is currently selling embargoed Cuban sugar (not a euphemism) at below-market prices. Raylan and Deputy Marshal (I'm assuming) Dave Koechner head out to confront the entire Crowe family, the undisputed leader of which is Michael Rapaport's Darryl Crowe Jr., whom Raylan put in prison during his stint in Florida. Darryl is none too pleased with his brother's incautious murder of the Coast Guard dude and orders him to take the corpse to "the Haitian" for disposal. They have to wait in the swamp's reeds, though, because Raylan gets to the Haitian (played by Edi Gathegi of X-Men: First Class) first, with whom he has a bit of a history as well.
Raylan lets it drop to the Haitian that Dewey has recently become flush, while Darryl sends his sister Wendy (Alicia Witt), a paralegal, to Raylan to try to negotiate an end his parole probation, offering his Cuban associate as a bargaining chip. Raylan agrees, so Darryl pays off the Cuban and his teardrop tattoo to go on his way, surreptitiously setting him up for Raylan to get him and figuring he and Raylan will kill each other in a firefight; he then has another brother "Danny" (A.J. Buckley of CSI: NY) off Dylan for his incompetence. I'm kind of glad, because with Dewey around there's really only room for one criminally stupid Crowe.
The Cuban is also smarter than his associates guessed, as he stashes a gun in Wendy's car and uses it to take her prisoner, but she too shows some resourcefulness as she swerves her ride into a collision on the passenger's side, allowing her to escape the vehicle ahead of the momentarily dazed Cuban. Wendy calls Raylan and tells him what happened, so he and Deputy Marshal Dave Koechner head for the marina from which the Cuban plans to escape back to his homeland, and the two marshals end up shooting the Cuban dead when he draws on them. Raylan reports back to Darryl the day and tells him their deal is done, and later -- with their sugar business gone -- the Haitian brings up Dewey, so you can bet Darryl's going to be visiting Harlan to see how much of that 300K he can get his hands on.
In the end, Boyd's efforts to get Ava out are not going well, so he goes to Lee Manners to try to bribe him for his influence, but Lee Manners offers him a different deal -- he can lie in a sworn confession that he killed Delroy and forced Ava to move the remains. When Boyd says nothing, Lee Manners sneers that he knew Boyd didn't love his "white-trash fiancée" enough to make that sacrifice -- whereupon Boyd beats Lee Manners with his gun butt, apparently to death. He offers to pay off his (mail-order?) Latvian doctor wife rather than murder her too, and she agrees -- but when he's gone, she rushes to her husband and whispers she'll take care of him. So either he's still alive and she's going to treat him, or she's going to use the resources of his funeral home to really send him out in style.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Our opening scene features Raylan on a witness stand enduring questioning from a late-middle-aged blonde attorney who, along with her Southern accent, is taking great relish in asking if it's true that her client was taken from Tramble Prison against his wishes and better judgment. Raylan: "What better judgment?" He's probably not helping his situation, but given that the client in question is Dewey Crowe, it's hard to blame him. Also, at least we know Raylan wasn't replaced by a pod person between seasons. The lawyer, putting her grandstanding gearshift into third, asks if on another occasion Dewey wasn't drugged and made to believe his kidneys had been removed, and Raylan once again can't help himself: "You might want to note for the record he thought he had four kidneys." Hee. The attorney asks Judge Reardon, who in case your memory needs refreshing is playing by an extremely put-upon Stephen Root, to instruct Raylan not to editorialize, and Reardon gets a "good luck with that" expression on his face, so thankfully Raylan now acknowledges Dewey's suffering.
"Ms. Keyhoe" asks if Raylan didn't break Dewey's nose in the first of these encounters, and when Vasquez -- representing the Marshal Service -- objects that there's no evidence to support that, Keyhoe produces a copy of what she says is Raylan's report on the incident and says she's merely asking him to confirm what's in it. Raylan asks if the nose-breaking was in the report, and that's not much of a denial, but his bewildered tone is hilarious. Keyhoe does not address the possibility that the report either was falsified or does not actually contain what she's saying, instead suggesting that Raylan stipulate to having assaulted Dewey on numerous occasions. Vasquez objects and Reardon calls the attorneys up to ask Keyhoe if she's actually circling a point. Vasquez also reminds her there's a twenty-grand settlement on the table, but Keyhoe talks about how she's got a laundry list of Federal inmates prepared to testify to their abuse at the hands of Raylan Givens, and she's thinking a class-action lawsuit against the Marshal Service is looking pretty good.
Vasquez gives her the most awesome "What do you say now" look -- it's worth pausing the action to savor it -- before Reardon sends Keyhoe out of earshot and throws out some quick numbers in a funny horse-trading manner before telling Dewey directly that the U.S. Attorney has modified his offer from twenty grand to three hundred and asks if he'll accept. Dewey gets most righteously indignant, asking if after all his suffering he gets a paltry three hundred dollars; say what you will about Raylan's barbs at Dewey's expense, but they're looking a lot more justified now. Reardon rubs his temples in a classic onset-migraine gesture but clarifies that the offer is three hundred thousand dollars (not without adding "you nitwit" to the end of it), and Dewey is not so math- or indeed everything-challenged that he doesn't gape at the size of the new offer. He sinks into his chair, catching flies, but Reardon doesn't have time to indulge such theatricality and literally announces he's taking that as a yes. I don't know how the stenographer's going to detail the course of events, but she's probably been in his courtroom before.
Some nudnik lawyer with neither the accent nor the flair of the last one is telling Ava what she's looking at and how he doesn't ever plea-bargain, which is why he's known as "The Wildman." I'm surprised it even takes Boyd as long as it does to cut in and inform the lawyer he and Ava need to have a private little convo without being recorded for posterity, so would he be a dear and put on the headphones Boyd asked him to bring and crank the volume up to eleven? The man isn't so wild that he'll disobey a direct order from Boyd Crowder, and when he's busy listening to ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" (fine, he's only on probation now), Boyd informs Ava that there are three possible judges to be assigned to her case. Two of them will be easily influenced, but the third, "Judge Bishop," is as honest as they come, so if it's him, Boyd will have to resort to threatening his family. The point is that he's going to do whatever it takes to get her out of there, and as he produces her ring, currently attached to his watch-chain, he assures her that it'll soon be back on her finger. They kiss a bit before a pretty young female guard -- who's gotten enough camera time in this scene that I'm betting we haven't seen the last of her -- interrupts to tell them their time has expired. They stretch out an embrace, but once the guard clears her throat, Ava goes quietly. Would it be too much to ask if we could see a few scenes from Orange Is The New Ava?
On one of Harlan's many bridges (not, sadly, the one to Nobles Holler), a truck pulls up opposite the already-waiting Boyd and Jimmy, who get out of their pickup and walk to the middle to meet two counterparts from Detroit. Boyd asks where their lead and follow cars are, and the guy tells them they got separated at one of the turns, which is obviously suspicious but it's not like Boyd needs me to tell him that. To wit, Boyd informs the lead (i.e. speaking) guy that he's not getting the briefcase full of money in his hand until he sees the shipment. After a bit of chat about where this rodeo falls in Boyd's life history, both guys draw on Boyd -- but the non-speaking guy is dropped by a shot from behind Boyd and Jimmy, and Mr. This Ain't My First Rodeo is enough of an amateur to look at his partner fall, giving the other two plenty of time to draw their own weapons and cover him. Boyd thanks "Carl," who shot the other guy with a high-powered rifle, before guessing that Mr. Rodeo doesn't actually have any "dope" in his truck. The guy tries to explain that Detroit is "in free-fall" and they never got it, but Boyd is unimpressed with the part where he decided to shake down "the simple people."
He asks Mr. Rodeo what the name of his third person inside the truck is, and he replies "Donnie," whereupon Boyd shoots him straight through the head. As last words go, that could use some work. Boyd then languidly strolls toward the truck, finishing off the grunting-but-not-speaking guy on the way without breaking stride, and he then grandly calls to Donnie that he must have just heard what happened to his friends, so why doesn't he just open the back of the truck a shade and slip his weapons out? Donnie's answer, however, is to let fly a shot straight through the door that wings Boyd, and I daresay Boyd wouldn't have let him live, so I suppose it's just as well that he goes out in the blaze of glory that Carl and Jimmy now let loose. After they check to make sure Donnie's been reunited with his counterparts, Jimmy notes that they got Boyd's ear, and he petulantly replies, "I know! I'm the one who got shot!' Hee. Boyd pulls out his phone and makes a call.
Cut to Wynn in his trailer watching women's tennis, and I've been a competitive tennis player since I was a kid so I love this personally, but it also seems like a character beat that just makes sense on a visceral level. Love. Wynn takes the call (I can't tell if his super-buff possible fuck-bodyguard is the one who hands him the phone) and languidly wonders if he's calling to discuss (Victoria) Azarenka, and any tennis fan will recognize Azarenka's signature ear-splitting grunts in the background, so once again… LOVE. Boyd, however, is more concerned with his lack of drugs and the blood pouring from his ear and tells Wynn to pack a bag. "We're going to Detroit." A Wynn-Boyd ROAD TRIP too? How could this season start any better?
Well… with Jere Burns being added as a series regular finally. Yay!
At a marina, a Cuban man (as we'll learn) with a teardrop tattoo (we've probably all watched enough TV to know that means he's an avowed killer, but just in case) and a white-trash dude board a boat. After its bald Asian owner tells them they're late, they give some excuse and the trashy guy asks if he can have one of whatever brown liquid the boat owner is pouring himself, but the boat owner (played by Ron Yuan, whom I last saw as the precinct lieutenant on Golden Boy) wants to get their business over with and asks for the money. White Trash tosses him a paper bag full of cash, but the boat owner realizes it's short, and the Cuban guy confesses that its fifty grand light, which means it's only half the agreed-upon amount. The boat owner blames White Trash and imitates his stutter that comes out every few sentences, but White Trash -- after cautioning him not to make fun of him -- says the money in the bag is all they got from "the candy company."
Here's what we learn: White Trash's name is "Dilly," and he actually blew some of the money at an Indian casino in an effort to cover some losses he took at the dog track with his family's money. The boat owner is fed up with him and says if he's going to deal with "the Crowes," he wants it to be with "the other brother." Also, the boat owner is a Coast Guard officer -- or was, as when he mocks Dilly's speech impediment once more time, Dilly puts a bullet right between his eyes. The Cuban guy mildly asks what Dilly did that for, but that doesn't stop him from finishing the job. (I wonder if someone surviving an apparently-fatal attack is going to be a significant plot point this season, given that it's happened twice already in less than ten minutes.) The Cuban then seethes in Spanish that he didn't leave Cuba for this shit, and Dilly looks somewhat chastened but of course repossesses the money. Here's some advice, dipshit: Quit while you're behind.
At the Marshal's Service, Art hands Raylan a folder on our late boat owner, a "Simon Lee," who as we heard was a Coast Guard officer, but was also under Federal investigation and is now missing and presumed dead at the hands of "a Cuban national" and career criminal named "Elvis Manuel Machado" (played, by the way, by Amaury Nolasco of Prison Break). Oh, and among Machado's known associates is Dylan Crowe, a.k.a. Dilly, with whom Raylan has a history. Raylan: "I figured he'd be dead by now!" Once again, he sounds bewildered and it's just as funny this time. Art, already walking away so Raylan won't get to argue, tells Raylan he's going down to Florida to help, and it'll be a great family trip for him, so I guess that means Winona and "kid" (Art's word) are down in the Sunshine State. Art's walk-away move doesn't quite work, though, as Raylan thinks they shouldn't spend taxpayer money before he talks to Dewey. I can't decide if it's funnier that Raylan is worried about taxpayer money now that he cost the Service three hundred grand or that he doesn't see that any cost-saving measures involving further interactions between him and Dewey might be a bit of a false economy. Art, however, doesn't stop Raylan from going to see Dewey, so I guess he thinks there's like a one percent chance this might actually work.
The swish of beaded curtains lets us know we're in Audrey's and Raylan grimly enters, at which point a wide-eyed Wade Messer is like, heeeeeeeey, Raylan… as well he might given that he's part of an admittedly long list of Harlan folk who have tried to end Raylan's life at two points or other. Wade asks if he can get Raylan a blowjob or something before quickly adding that he didn't mean from him, and we'll just skip that mental image and move on to discussion of how Wade got out of prison, with Raylan telling us that he "rode Dickie Bennett's shirttails out of Tramble on account of the scandal," adding that it's protocol for him to be informed when a known felon who's tried to kill him has been released. At the risk of repeating my point, Tramble must have Raylan on speed-dial. Wade, still hilariously wide-eyed, says that sounds like a sensible policy before telling Raylan that Boyd doesn't own Audrey's anymore, but Raylan, in an I-know-that-you-doofus voice, says he's looking for the new owner. And whom might we know who could conceivably have been interested in a cash payment for a whorehouse?
Well, he and two of his new employees are playing Marco Polo in a portable pool out back, speaking of images we could all probably do without, but the participants' fun comes to a screeching halt when Dewey calls "Marco" and Raylan answers "Polo!" Hee. Although if Raylan actually wanted to disrobe and play, I'd be much more interested in the visuals. Raylan uses his authority to get everyone out of the pool (and before they do, a school bus randomly goes by and kids yell out at the whorehouse, which is hilarious), whereupon the two women head into their trailer and Dewey thankfully covers his junk with his hands. He tries to get his robe, bur Raylan smoothly tells him he'll fetch it, and after Raylan casually inquires if it was Boyd's idea to sell Audrey's to Dewey (the strong implication is that it was), he finds a gun in the robe pocket Dewey says isn't loaded and also isn't his. Raylan, however, shows him the engraved "DEWEY" on the handle, and even though Dewey tries to claim it's a common name (hee), Raylan points out that as a convicted felon, Dewey isn't permitted to carry even an unloaded concealed weapon. Regardless, Dewey tells Raylan he owes him an apology, and Raylan smirks that he believes the three hundred grand was the apology, which I'm thinking is this show's version of "THAT'S WHAT THE MONEY IS FOR!" Surprisingly, though, Raylan does follow with an apology, but Dewey, believably enough, says he doesn't know anything of interest about his cousins: "Them Florida Crowes are bad news!" If that's not the smartest thing he's ever said, it's got to be in the top ten. Raylan says he believes him and turns to go -- but without looking, he takes Dewey's supposedly unloaded weapon and fires two rounds into the side of the pool, causing it to leak out quickly. Ha! He looks great walking away just as it is, but it's nice when he adds an extra bit of flair.
In Miami, Raylan's introduced to a "Greg Sutter," played by David Koechner, who will be chauffeuring him around. As aware of his own history in the Miami area as anyone, Raylan asks if Sutter's his chauffeur or his babysitter, but it does seem fairly standard for Raylan to team up with a local, not to mention I'm sure the Miami Marshal chapter would like to avoid any civil penalties if they can help it. After Raylan produces baby basketball jerseys, one with LeBron James's name and the other with Dwyane Wade's (his kid's a girl btw, so no gender stereotyping for the Givens generation), they get down to business, with the head guy telling Raylan that Machado is part of a family that smuggles sugar -- specifically, embargoed Cuban sugar that they sell below market prices to "low-rent candy companies" like the Dollar Store knock-offs of Mike and Ike's. I don't know if it exists but it'd be nice to have a pithy word for "the opposite of product placement." We then learn Raylan's official justification for being there, which is that Darryl Crowe Jr. has violated his parole, and Raylan gives a wry smile that makes it look like he might be warming to the task now that he's here.
In the car, approaching the swampy side of Florida the tourists never see, Raylan gives Sutter a bit of his history with the Crowes, who poach gators as a sideline -- Dilly's the dumbest of the lot, and they only crossed paths once, which was the day he arrested Darryl Jr. "I just figured they'd all be locked up or dead by now!" It's bewildering!
But here they are, and let me just give you a quick overview: Danny Crowe is a tough who amuses himself by shooting caps in the direction of (I'm guessing) his son, while Darryl Jr. calls the kid a pussy, but it's Michael Rapaport so who cares. (It's also the first role I've seen him ever play without that trademark Noo Yawk accent.) Dilly, with Machado in tow, then arrives and babbles to Darryl about his giant fuck-up. Although he lies about how it went down with Lee to make himself look better, Darryl still looks disgusted with him, which only intensifies when he hears (and then sees) that they've got the body with them on their boat. He agonizes that the case is going to turn Federal and informs Dylan, "I'll bury you and Desi Arnaz (hee) 'fore I let you ruin this family!" He then tells the two of them to take the body to "the Haitian" and pay him to make it disappear, and that reminds me that it's been a long time since I've thought about Heroes, which is a good thing indeed. Darryl spits that Dylan is a "dumb, simple, stupid ass," and redundancy aside, it's hard to argue.
In what looks like an abandoned factory in Detroit, Boyd, Wynn, Jimmy and the fuck-bodyguard (I don't believe we've ever gotten a full name for him, but his given name is "Mike") are being attended to by some ever-so-savory locals who are using a bucket and an elevator shaft as a makeshift dumbwaiter in order to ferry the driver's licenses of the guests between the ground floor and what looks like a rather high one. One of the members of the guest-relations committee explains that such precautions are necessary in the days of total electronic surveillance, and since he gives me such an opening I will merely say that he doesn't have to tell me twice. One of the hosts asks if they've ever been to Detroit, and Wynn has, but snarks that he doesn't believe Boyd has ever been out of Kentucky. Boyd, however, reminds him that he was in Iraq, which he says was a lot like Detroit "except you have better music." Heh. After Boyd then explains that his ear injury was due to a ceiling fan, word comes from above that Wynn and "this cracker" can go on up, but not the muscle; also, they have to walk up the stairs and take a can of gas and some other package the whole way. Well Boyd, you were just talking about Iraq; how about some military songs to go with the physical labor?
Raylan and Sutter arrive at a swamp location we'll soon learn is the domain of the Haitian, and from their view in their nearby airboat, Dylan and Machado observe them and Dylan recalls he knows Raylan. The marshals find the Haitian, who immediately asks them if they're from Fish and Wildlife, but they tell him they're looking for Machado. The Haitian tells them he doesn't know any such person, but Raylan refreshes his memory on two counts: One, Machado works with the Crowes, with whom he knows the Haitian is tight, and two, they've actually met before -- Raylan came to him with a search warrant for Darryl. The Haitian, who's baiting a hook that looks suspiciously similar to one on American Horror Story: Coven that I recently recapped, either remembers or stops pretending as he replies that he told Raylan Darryl was in a trailer on his property. When Raylan opened it, a hundred-and-twenty-pound mastiff jumped out and bit him on the leg, which took ten stitches and tetanus shot to heal. "I had tickets to Tom Petty with ZZ Top up in Tampa; never made it, though, 'cause I had to come back here, find Darryl hiding out in the shitter." None of that sounds fun, I have to admit.
Raylan adds that the Haitian is still there "pretending to be Tonton Macoute," but the Haitian informs him that the translation of the name is "Uncle Gunnysack," referring to a cautionary fairy tale of a man who puts bad kids in his sack and then eats them for breakfast. Sounds pretty Grimm. Raylan then informs Sutter about Dewey coming into a lot of money in such a faux-offhand way he's got to be hoping the information will be passed along, which seems pretty spiteful and thus great to me. Sutter then says he and Raylan are going to a nearby restaurant ("It's no good," the Haitian hilariously sniffs), and Raylan adds that in the hour they'll be gone, it'd be great if the Haitian could get hold of Darryl to see if he can help them out with Machado. Otherwise, Raylan continues, they'll be back with Fish and Wildlife to see how many gator carcasses he's got in his shack. As they leave, the Haitian gets out his cell phone and dials, not even moving a muscle when a gator jumps up and hooks himself behind him. See, Dead Mr. Rodeo From Detroit, that's how you don't flinch.
Darryl answers his phone with a "Ça va" before promising he's working on getting the Haitian the money he owes him. His face then falls: "Who's lookin' for me?" You could think of him as the adult equivalent of Tonton Macoute, if that helps any.
Cut to Darryl speeding along on an airboat. I'm sure the errand is urgent, but given that we're going into an act break, can't we have some chase music to spice things up?
I don't know how long it took them, but Wynn and Boyd have made it to the top floor; I'm assuming they didn't have oysters and martinis beforehand or they'd probably be pulling a Roger Sterling by now. They hear plinky cartoon music presumably coming from a TV, so they head in that direction and present the sentry with gifts from downstairs before submitting to getting frisked… again. Some guy wearing a bloody apron and goggles and holding a chainsaw in one hand -- no big deal -- pops in for the gas can and back out, and then we see a deeply unsettling room full of incredibly creepy-looking mannequins, some of which have detached limbs and animal heads (also, it's hard to tell but it wouldn't surprise me if there were some human parts in there; the whole thing looks like something out of Briarcliff from American Horror Story: Asylum), whereupon the sentry shrugs and explains that "that was last week." Glad the season didn't start a week earlier, then.
Picker emerges from another room and apologizes for the fourteen-floor hike, explaining that due to Sammy's "dispute with the Canadians," they're holed up high. Boyd, however, is less worried about how sore his calves are going to be the day and more about the traitorous deliverymen, but Picker -- entirely too glibly, if you ask me -- says that the guys acted on their own. Seeing the briefcase, he asks if it contains the money, but while Boyd says it does, he goes on that he'll only give it to Sammy. Picker calls into the butcher room for him, adding while they wait in regard to the Mutter Doll Museum that "that was last week." And then Sammy appears, eyes bloodshot and seeming super-weird and out of it (and also apparently having been observing/participating in the chainsaw affair), but we won't get to speculate on why for long, because after we hear some screams coming from the other room thanks to the work of that butcher, no sooner does Sammy head toward the Harlan folk to collect the money than does Picker shoot him in the back of the head, spraying Boyd and Wynn with his blood. And I mentioned that this isn't a new experience for Wynn, but I think it bears repeating.
Picker then saunters to the other room and lets two shots fly, presumably, from the sudden loss of noise, dropping the chainsaw butcher and his victim; he then makes a call and reports his work to, as we'll soon learn, the Canadians as the sentry covers Wynn and Boyd from behind. Picker, entirely too confidently, says he's going to need the briefcase now, and Wynn and Boyd exchange a side-eye before Boyd holds it up -- and then smacks it into Picker's head once he moves forward. Wynn takes advantage of the distraction to backhand the sentry and then draw on him, and among other things I love how quickly Wynn and Boyd ended up having to rely on each other to survive in their new partnership. Wynn allows the sentry to leave while Boyd jams his gun down Picker's throat, which he then withdraws so the man can explain: Sammy owed the Canadians almost a million dollars, so Picker made a deal with them; he'd steal Boyd and Wynn's money, hand it over, and kill Sammy to boot in order to save his own life. Doesn't really sound like the stand-up guy Picker seemed to be last season, but either way, Boyd declares the need to have a little chat with "the Canucks." It's an even better idea that it sounds now given who's playing one of them.
Back in Florida, Darryl watches the restaurant from his car, as inside, Sutter tells Raylan all about his lovely family and his daughter who wants to be a marshal, and the subtext is practically screaming that he's going to be dead before the credits roll. Sutter then wonders if Darryl's not going to show and suggests they go see Raylan's family, but a well-dressed and pretty redhead enters at that moment and informs them she's representing Darryl, who's willing to help them in exchange for them arranging for his parole to end early. Wendy Crowe \-- she's Darryl's sister, don't you know -- then produces a memo for the marshals to sign, and just like that, Darryl gets a text saying they have a deal. When he enters, he tells Raylan it's been a long time as Sutter frisks him -- doesn't seem like anyone behind the counter is likely to bat an eye -- and Darryl drawls that carrying a weapon would be a violation of his parole. Well, he may not like him, but I have the feeling Raylan's going to appreciate dealing with a Crowe who's got a few more brain cells than Dewey. They quickly get to the subject of Machado, with Darryl assuring Raylan that if Dylan's hanging with him, it's only because he's stubborn and not because the family approves. The marshals, however, are unimpressed as they lay it all out; they have Darryl on a charge of leaving his most recent address without informing his parole officer, so either he delivers them Machado by that night or he's going back to jail. Darryl says nothing, but he looks like this reunion didn't go as well as he'd hoped. It's a good thing Raylan is Raylan, because I have the feeling that Darryl's disillusionments often lead to people's deaths.
The Canadians complain about the coffee/doughnuts of the diner they're in before extolling the virtues of Tim Horton's, which if you're unfamiliar is an incredibly popular (like, bigger in Canada than McDonald's and Starbucks combined) Canadian doughnuts-and-coffee place that has even made it to the U.S. in certain spots. There are many times I wish Daniel didn't get these episodes three weeks behind me in Canada but none more than now, especially since, as I mentioned in the recaplet, Dave Foley is playing one of the Canucks. The other Canuck talks about Tim Horton's NHL record and how he died in an O.J.-style police chase (while still an active NHL player), but Boyd -- who still has blood on his collar -- is not super-interested in this line of discussion and asks that they get down to business. Non-Dave Foley tells Boyd that the money in the suitcase was supposed to be payment for not killing Picker, but Boyd says Picker isn't his problem, and Picker, sitting behind Team Harlan, is like "whoa whoa whoa!" at that. It's funny even if he has like less than no leverage here. The Canadians' point is that they're not so much interested in doing business with people who don't pay their debts and use chainsaws, but Boyd still wants some dope, so Dave Foley and friend agree to one more shipment. Boyd reluctantly hands over the briefcase, whereupon Dave Foley and friend leave and Boyd exasperatedly tells Picker that he can go. Picker, however, thinks that now that Team Harlan has lost its Canadian pipeline, they should look to Mexico and he can help. Boyd isn't a fan of the idea, but Wynn overrules him, and from the look on Boyd's face I'm thinking a shower and a nap are going to override all other concerns.
Back at the swamp ranch, Darryl and Wendy are arguing about Dylan, with Darryl thinking he's proven himself to be a waste of a human life and Wendy maybe disagreeing? Darryl's also peeved at Wendy for what he sees as causing this situation by ceasing to handle the payoffs to Lee, but Wendy's like, I have a job now as a paralegal, which is the only reason you're going to be out of your parole instead of back in jail. From out of earshot, Dylan watches this tennis match of a conversation and wonders what's being said. Machado is like, here's an idea from the rocket-science correspondence course I've been taking: Get closer! Dylan sees the wisdom in that, but it turns out Machado maybe does have an idea of what the argument portends; in any case, he takes advantage of having been left alone by heading over to Wendy's car for an as-yet-unknown purpose.
Dylan only hears Darryl grousing about how he's been taking care of the family for fourteen years before Wendy sees him and asks where Machado is, but he pops up quickly -- whereupon Darryl tells him he's out. Machado takes off his shades so his teardrop tattoo is clearly visible as he asks what that's supposed to mean, but Darryl is unfazed as he goes on that their sugar business is dead, so his services have become superfluous. Machado points out that the death of the sugar business was Dylan's fault, but Darryl isn't interested (or he's only dealing with one problem at a time), so Machado tells him if he wants him gone, the price is twenty grand. Darryl starts complaining, but Wendy tells him to pay up and to think of it as severance, and it's not clear whether she's hinting at something, but she does seem to be the brains of the outfit. Either way, Darryl -- whether this was prearranged or hinted at or neither -- says that Wendy will take Machado to his motel and Darryl will be there at eight with his money. Machado suspiciously asks why he can't take his truck, but Darryl points out the authorities will be looking for it. He then pats Machado down for the sake of Wendy's safety, but after hearing Darryl explain he doesn't trust anyone ESL, Machado says he tossed his gun after they killed Lee, and even Dumb Dylan wonders when exactly that happened, but Machado tells him it was when he wasn't looking. Darryl, you know what a simp your brother is, so maybe you should pay more attention if something's pinging his radar. It's not like you'll have any more chances.
But no, Darryl allows Wendy and Machado to leave, and then we cut to Darryl reporting to Raylan that they just took off. He gives Raylan the exact location and time of his meeting place with Machado, and when he's off, Danny worries that Machado's arrest could come back to bite them, but Darryl thinks, knowing the two players as he does, that Raylan and Machado will end up killing each other. Dylan then asks what about him, getting this response from his eldest brother: "Ain't nobody lookin' for you, Dilly." It's cold in Florida all of a sudden. Darryl walks past him, but then turns and nods to Danny, who stabs Dylan in the gut. Blood pours liberally from Dylan's surprised mouth as Danny emotionally apologizes. As Dylan falls to the ground, Darryl just stares impassively. Well, he kept the family together for fourteen years. It was a good run!
Speaking of imperiled members of the Crowe family, Machado quietly gloats that he guessed right; when Wendy asks about what, he reaches into the door pocket and produces his gun as he explains: "What car we would take." At least Wendy has the act break to try to recall if there was anything in her paralegal training to cover this.
It's night, and as Sutter and Raylan suit up in the motel parking lot, Sutter talks about his daughter and the responsibilities of being a parent and he is just proclaiming at the top of his lungs that he's going to buy it, isn't he? But not now, as when Raylan kicks in the door, he and Sutter find the room empty. Will they stop at the desk on the way out for a "Sorry about the mess" encounter?
Wendy snarks that they can't drive to Cuba, but Machado tells her there's a marina nearby. That's not good enough for Wendy, though, who has probably also come to the conclusion she's not likely to survive the current plan, so she changes things up by swerving into oncoming traffic such that a car slams into Machado's side of the car before he can react. Airbags are duly deployed -- I'm guessing Wendy regrets paying for the passenger-side version -- but Wendy's plan works well enough as she's able to exit the car while Machado is still dazed, although she doesn't attempt to disarm him, which is just as well given he only ends up a few seconds behind her. But she's nowhere in sight and we hear sirens approaching, so even though he retrieves his piece I'm thinking Wendy's in the clear.
Whether that's true or not, though, Wendy calls Raylan to tell him Machado's headed for Cuba, and just like that, Raylan and Sutter are marching down to the dock and catching Machado on a little raft with an outboard motor he's desperately trying to start. When Machado doesn't acknowledge them and keeps trying to get the motor going, Raylan shoots the raft, and it hasn't been the greatest episode for inflatable objects that have scenes with Raylan Givens, has it? Raylan tells Machado he can either come with them or swim to Cuba, and Sutter adds, "That old lady just did it!" Hee. Machado goes for Door Number Three -- drawing on the marshals -- which results in him going down in a hail of bullets, and I should have known this show was only faking us out with the trope of the family-talkin' cop dying. LOVE. Raylan sheaths his weapon to punctuate our journey into the last act break.
The day, on a bridge, Darryl is drinking a beer and contemplating everyday things such as fratricide (in fact, we get a couple shots of a particular alligator that are so pointed I'm wondering if he's currently digesting Dylan) when Raylan arrives and tells him their deal is complete -- Darryl's parole is officially over. Darryl complains about Wendy just heading back to Miami like family is meaningless to her before emotionally recalling how their father made him promise on his deathbed that he'd keep the family together, just like he did, and pointedly says it's a lot harder with no money. Raylan, however, fixes Darryl with his signature sardonic smile: "Your daddy didn't die in his bed. He got drunk and flipped his airboat. You told me yourself, the day I took you to prison." With that, he takes off, and whichever story of Darryl's about his father, if any, was true, he doesn't look too happy at being called out or at Raylan's long memory. Back at the car, Sutter offers to take Raylan to "West Palm" if he'd like to catch a later flight, but Raylan doesn't exactly jump all over himself at the offer, so Sutter tells Raylan about one time he got transferred to Kansas City and didn't want to uproot the kids in the middle of the school year, so he'd be away during the week and return home on the weekends -- but saying goodbye every Sunday was agonizing. "Sometimes if work kept me in Kansas City for the weekend, I didn't fight it." Jeez, Sutter, you might as well have bought it if all you're going to do is tell us depressing stories. As Darryl watches them drive off, he's joined by the Haitian, and after Darryl complains that he's out of moneymaking ideas and Florida may be a dead end for him, The Haitian's like oh by the way, do you have a cousin named Dewey? Perhaps not the most subtle setup, but I'm pretty psyched for this crew to get to Kentucky.
Boyd is downing some booze when he gets a call, after which Jimmy asks if he's okay and he replies that actually, he isn't. You see, Judge Boy Scout Bishop has been assigned Ava's case, and Boyd morosely recounts how he promised Ava he'd threaten his family to get him in line. Carl is like, great, but Jimmy's actually been paying attention as he tells him Bishop doesn't really have a family. But Boyd apparently has another idea as he grabs his gun and heads out.
Raylan is video-chatting with Winona -- from back in Harlan. Sigh. Holding their daughter, she smiles about how she's a genius, and Raylan looks like he believes it before giving Winona a typical compliment about how gorgeous she is. She asks if he's thinking about visiting soon, and he lets nothing on as he says he'll try. I don't know if guilt over how he solved the Augustine crisis is affecting him here, if he thinks he's just generally dangerous for anyone close to him, or if it's something more prosaic like men generally being wimps when it comes to this type of situation, but Raylan signs off with a "Goodnight, ladies" and then looks a bit haunted when their image is gone. Come on, Raylan, get it together! You don't want Winona to have all the fun of teaching your daughter a smart mouth, do you?
Oh, here's Boyd turning up to Lee Manners' house/funeral home (okay, I might as well remind you his actual last name is Paxton, considering I may not be getting another chance), which is opened by a leggy, pretty brunette with a slight accent we'll learn is Latvian. Cut to Boyd checking out a casket on display before Paxton appears and tells him that it's an "Excelsior," top of the line. After then introducing his wife as "Mara," he dismisses her and tells Boyd what she sees in him is money -- she was a doctor in Latvia who consented to be his internet-order wife/assistant. "She is well-read, of good cheer, and if I have any choice in how I shuffle off this mortal coil, I pray it's while I'm bangin' her from behind." The lack of parallel structure there is unusually far from being the worst thing about that sentence. Boyd demonstrates a strong stomach by using that as a conversational segue, saying that Paxton being so in love must make him see how much he wants to be reunited with Ava, but Paxton isn't so love-struck that he hasn't kept up with Ava's case, and he knows that since Boyd can't pay off his "good friend Judge Bishop," Boyd's there to try to buy him instead. He asks how much, and Boyd quotes him three hundred grand, which he even admits he doesn't have yet but will. So I guess he let Dewey take over Audrey's before the payment from the Marshal Service came through? I have to say that's not the way I would have picked to keep Dewey out of trouble.
Paxton well-well-wells about how it's gratifying to see Boyd in front of him on his metaphorical knees, but he's going to have to hear some actual begging, so Boyd considers for a moment and then asks, "Please, Mr. Paxton." As Gogo Yubari said in Kill Bill, Volume 1: "You can beg better than that!" Agreeing with me, Paxton tells him he doesn't need his money and asks if he really thought he'd let "a lowlife piece of shit" turn the tables on him, adding that that's not how it's done in their world. However, he's willing to make Boyd a one-time offer: He'll call "Sheriff (ohhhhh) Mooney" and get Judge Bishop to witness, and Boyd will make a confession that he and not Ava killed Delroy, after which he forced Ava to move the remains; if he's truly willing to sacrifice his own liberty for Ava's, he's got the opportunity. Boyd stares hatefully but says nothing and Paxton gloats that he was right -- it won't happen. "'Cause we both know you don't love your white-trash fiancée that much."
The operation of exposing the limitations of Boyd's love is a rousing success, but the patient (almost) dies on the table when Boyd slugs Paxton and then beats him several times with his gun butt, getting yet another person's blood all over his face, and when Mara comes in and whispers that Boyd killed him, Boyd steps forward and says they can avoid a double homicide if Mara will take his money and give the police a story that doesn't mention him. After hearing Boyd quote a price of one hundred thousand (I'm guessing the dollar's pretty strong in Latvia), Mara considers for a moment before saying she'll tell the cops it was a burglar. Boyd takes another couple steps forward as he tells her he's not sure he believes her, but with newfound calm in her voice, she tells him it doesn't matter -- he can either kill her or leave right now.
Boyd smiles in appreciation of her Latvian steel and opts to depart without further violence, although he does pause at the door, seeming like he's wondering for a moment if this is really the right play. And such indecision proves well warranted, as when he's gone, Mara rushes over to Paxton and tells him not to worry -- she'll take care of him. And I kind of made a joke in the recaplet about not being sure if that means he's alive, but I now realize that this is the not-actually-dead moment I predicted was being foreshadowed by the Lee and Mr. Rodeo incidents. Clever, clever show! So there's bad news for Boyd here in this house, bad news in the form of the Florida Crowes coming for the money he's counting on, and a whole Mexico storyline that it's hard to imagine could be anything but bad news. Boyd Crowder, how are you going to get out of all these fixes? As usual, I can't wait to find out.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. His new film, a documentary on online privacy and the exploitation of personal data called Terms And Conditions May Apply, a New York Times Critics' Pick, is now on iTunes here. You can get news on it from the film's Twitter accountor website, or check out trackoff.us to learn how to protect your privacy. Also, you can email John at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or check out his blog, "Pull Up A Chair," which he'd just love for you to stop by.