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Before we begin, I have an announcement to make. Due to minimal interest on the part of the site's visitors, this will be the final John Doe recap. As usual when a show is sent to Permanent Hiatus, you can still discuss the show in the Other TV Talk area, but there will be no more recaps. And based on how crappy the last few episodes have been, I can't say that I'm very sad about it. ["But your recaps will be missed -- excellent work, as always. Thanks, Kim!" -- Sars] But for closure's sake, let's do one last recap, shall we?
John sits at Digger's bar, playing water glasses. You know, where you rub your fingers around the rim to produce a tone. It's sad that playing water glasses is the best activity he could find to occupy himself in a bar. Even sadder is that there are a bunch of people gathered around watching him. That must be the most boring bar ever. John finishes, and people try to guess what song he was playing; one guy finally wins with the guess "Sweet Home Alabama," which he totally wasn't playing. Rachel walks in and tells Digger that she's looking for John Doe. Digger asks if she knows him, and Rachel says he saved her life. She corrects that to say that she saved his, and then he saved hers. Digger realizes that this is Rachel, from the airplane. Rachel is surprised that John mentioned her, and Digger says that John has talked about nothing but her. Rachel says she's just off the plane from England, and notices that John seems kind of busy with his new friends. Digger clears his throat, and John looks up and sees Rachel. He immediately walks over and shakes her hand awkwardly. Rachel says that won't do, so he hugs her, even more awkwardly. Rachel says she missed him. John is surprised and then says that he missed her too. John introduces Digger, who shakes her hand and walks away. Rachel runs through all of the trials she had to endure to get to Seacouver, and asks what she has to do to get asked out. Why can't she just ask him out? John awkwardly asks her out. He's all about the awkward in this scene. They settle on the next night. John tells her to "be there or be square," then, off her confused look, starts explaining the derivation of that expression. Rachel kisses him on the cheek and walks off. Digger asks John if he's okay. John starts asking a million questions about what he's supposed to do on the date, like where to take Rachel, and who pays. He bites his thumb. Awkwardly.
Cut to a dance club. A DJ spins some records on stage as the crowd chants his name. The visuals go all blurry, but it's unclear whether that's an effect meant to show that Turney is on drugs, or just that the music is great or something. Turney looks like Casey Affleck. He stumbles around onstage, and the blurriness continues. He walks to the front of the stage and then stage-dives backwards into the crowd. The dancers pass him overhead through the room, but then a few kids notice that there is blood on their faces and hands. They set Turney down on the floor, and he's unconscious with his mouth filled with blood. Yuck.