Before we begin, I have an announcement to make. Due to minimal interest on the part of the site's visitors, this will be the final John Doe recap. As usual when a show is sent to Permanent Hiatus, you can still discuss the show in the Other TV Talk area, but there will be no more recaps. And based on how crappy the last few episodes have been, I can't say that I'm very sad about it. ["But your recaps will be missed -- excellent work, as always. Thanks, Kim!" -- Sars] But for closure's sake, let's do one last recap, shall we?
John sits at Digger's bar, playing water glasses. You know, where you rub your fingers around the rim to produce a tone. It's sad that playing water glasses is the best activity he could find to occupy himself in a bar. Even sadder is that there are a bunch of people gathered around watching him. That must be the most boring bar ever. John finishes, and people try to guess what song he was playing; one guy finally wins with the guess "Sweet Home Alabama," which he totally wasn't playing. Rachel walks in and tells Digger that she's looking for John Doe. Digger asks if she knows him, and Rachel says he saved her life. She corrects that to say that she saved his, and then he saved hers. Digger realizes that this is Rachel, from the airplane. Rachel is surprised that John mentioned her, and Digger says that John has talked about nothing but her. Rachel says she's just off the plane from England, and notices that John seems kind of busy with his new friends. Digger clears his throat, and John looks up and sees Rachel. He immediately walks over and shakes her hand awkwardly. Rachel says that won't do, so he hugs her, even more awkwardly. Rachel says she missed him. John is surprised and then says that he missed her too. John introduces Digger, who shakes her hand and walks away. Rachel runs through all of the trials she had to endure to get to Seacouver, and asks what she has to do to get asked out. Why can't she just ask him out? John awkwardly asks her out. He's all about the awkward in this scene. They settle on the night. John tells her to "be there or be square," then, off her confused look, starts explaining the derivation of that expression. Rachel kisses him on the cheek and walks off. Digger asks John if he's okay. John starts asking a million questions about what he's supposed to do on the date, like where to take Rachel, and who pays. He bites his thumb. Awkwardly.
Cut to a dance club. A DJ spins some records on stage as the crowd chants his name. The visuals go all blurry, but it's unclear whether that's an effect meant to show that Turney is on drugs, or just that the music is great or something. Turney looks like Casey Affleck. He stumbles around onstage, and the blurriness continues. He walks to the front of the stage and then stage-dives backwards into the crowd. The dancers pass him overhead through the room, but then a few kids notice that there is blood on their faces and hands. They set Turney down on the floor, and he's unconscious with his mouth filled with blood. Yuck.
John walks into the police station and asks Frank for some dating advice. Frank says, "Last time I went on a date was the opening night of Dances With Wolves. I had on MC Hammer pants and a gold earring." Hee! John starts to tell Frank that Hammer dropped the MC part in 1991. Oh, take it to the Surreal Life forums. Frank sees a guy wheeling Turney in on a gurney; Turney, whose name is Turney, is dead. John suspects that the cause could've been a heart attack, since it happened onstage. Frank points out that Turney was nineteen. John notices an incision scar on Turney's neck and a slight bulge in his chest.
Cut to the coroner, pulling a device out of Turney's chest. It's a nerve stimulator used to prevent epileptic seizures. The coroner thinks that the cause of death is probably "a prolonged epileptic seizure" and points out that Turney bit off part of his tongue (the source of the blood). Frank thinks they should term it an accident, then. John asks for a magnet and a voltmeter. The coroner hands them over and explains to Frank that the device should have prevented any seizures. Frank asks if Turney could have disabled it. The coroner says that would be suicide. Frank realizes that with a new recording contract and album coming out, Turney had a lot to live for. Yeah, tell that to Kurt Cobain. John tests the device and realizes that it works. Frank asks what that means. John says that electrical or magnetic waves can interfere with the device, but there's little chance that those were in the club accidentally. John says that if someone knew Turney had the device implanted, they could have shut it down, knowing it would result in a fatal seizure. Frank isn't ready to call it a homicide, but is willing to continue the investigation. He starts to leave, but John calls him back to ask for dating advice. Frank tells him to call Ann Landers, but John says that she's dead. Frank is sad to hear it.
Rachel opens her door to find John standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, and a bottle of wine. Rachel says that the roses are her favorite type, and John says he knew that based on her perfume. John nervously spouts a bunch of facts as Rachel grabs her coat. She asks what he has planned. John says that he knows she lived in London's East End as a child, which is famous for curry houses, so he used some formula to figure out where she might want to go. Rachel says he could have just asked, and asks if he's okay, because he seems anxious. John confesses that it's his first date ever, as far as he knows. Rachel apologizes for not thinking of that, and suggests that they start over. She asks what he has planned. John asks if she likes Indian food. Rachel says that she hates it. John tries to explain why statistically she should like it, but she says she would prefer "greasy fish and chips." Man, he would be annoying. You could never win an argument with him. John agrees to her plan, although he looks like he's not quite sure what "fish and chips" are, which I find hard to believe, given everything else he knows.
John and Rachel stand on a wharf somewhere. Rachel says she's confused, because John went into the grocery store but didn't buy any food. John shows her that he bought twine, tin foil, a safety pin, and a mop, and he's constructed a fishing pole. Rachel takes the pole as John explains that fish are attracted to tin foil. Rachel feels a tug and asks what she should do, because she thinks it's a shark. John starts to explain how sharks aren't native to the area, but Rachel tells him to reel it in. He does, and it's a tiny fish. Like, sardine-sized. John announces that they are going to have a fire on the beach, and eat the fish along with the potato chips he brought. Rachel grabs the fish and throws it back. John says that he's not doing too well, but Rachel assures him that he's doing fine. She asks if he wants to dance to the sounds of the waves. John offers up a number of different dance styles, but Rachel just wants a regular slow dance. They start dancing, and Rachel asks him to say something about himself. John says there's not much to say. Rachel asks if he likes mint chocolate chip or pralines and cream. John doesn't know. Rachel says they'll have to fix that. John says he'd like that. Enough of the romance. Let's get to the crime-solving or more information about John's background.
Stu (Stu!), John, and Frank examine the club where Turney died. Stu is looking at some amateur video shot by high school kids at the concert. Frank wonders what could have caused the seizure. John points out that there aren't any strobe lights or magnetic interference from the amps that could have triggered it. Stu comments that the video quality is poor even for a bootleg as some static lines roll up the screen. John notices that the static appears just before Turney's seizure. John starts checking out the soundboard for loose connections and such, and he notices one line that deviates from the rest. He follows the line and finds a device mounted under a nearby shelf. John asks the sound guy to turn that channel up, and Frank says he doesn't hear anything. John says that's why it's the perfect murder weapon.
Stu examines the device and pulls out a tape. Frank asks how a tape with no sound could kill someone. They should just rename Frank "Audience Stand-In" and be done with it. John explains that it can cause damage. He has Stu play the tape, and then shows Frank that it's lower than twenty hertz, which is lower than humans or dogs can hear. Frank asks how it's a murder weapon. John explains that the sound vibrations knocked out Turney's anti-seizure device and triggered a seizure. Stu points out that it's like how an MRI will make a pacemaker go crazy. Frank isn't buying the theory.
Rachel talks to Lt. Bosslady at the cop station. She explains why John's theory holds water. Stella observes and asks John if Rachel is a friend of his. Stella is looking hot in a short skirt and tall boots. Go, Stella! John says they met on a plane. Stella's like, "I wish she'd go back on that plane and get out of here." John and Rachel continue explaining how the device worked. Stella says that the military's been researching it for years to create "an ammunition-free lethal weapon." Frank says that the three of them (John, Rachel, and Stella) should start their own club with "personalized pocket protectors." Should you really be making fun of the very people who have solved pretty much every criminal case in the past few months? Stella plays a sample of the sound, which has been sped up so they can hear it; Rachel thinks it sounds mechanical. John lists off some of the things that could create the sound. Lt. Bosslady says that if they find out how it was recorded, they might be able to find out where it was recorded. Frank adds that they might be able to figure out who recorded it as well. Lt. Bosslady asks if Stella can figure it out, and Stella says she'll run it through some database. Frank says he buys that the sound was a murder weapon now. Lt. Bosslady wants to focus on suspect and motive, and asks if Turney had any enemies, and who would know him well enough to know about his epilepsy. Frank promises to look into it.
John and Frank walk down the street. John wonders over how Rachel says, "Frequency." Frank rips on him for it as they reach a recording studio. Randi from ER sits behind the soundboard while a band records a song. She explains that she's known Turney since he was seventeen, and after hearing his demo, she signed on to produce him. Frank asks if Turney had any real potential. Randi says the label moved up his release and got him some radio airplay, and the "critics and groupies were falling all over themselves." Frank offers his condolences, and Randi says it always seems to happen to the ones with real talent. That's because when the talentless losers die, they don't get much press coverage. Frank asks if Randi knew that Turney had epilepsy. She knew he took medication for something, but she didn't know the specifics. Frank asks if she was at the show that night. Randi says she was working with the band that's currently recording, and she hates the fact that she wasn't at the club.
John walks into the studio and tells the guitarist that he's out of tune. The guitarist thinks John is full of crap. Wouldn't a band with a recording contract use an electronic tuner? J-Dawg uses one, and he doesn't even have a recording contract. John takes the guitar and tunes it. Meanwhile, Frank asks Randi if she has any idea who might have done this. Randi says that Turney was cocky and talented, so he had a lot of enemies. Frank asks her to be more specific. Randi says she's always in the studio, so if he wants to know about Turney's life outside the studio, he should talk to Fox, Turney's attorney. John starts playing the guitar fairly well, running through a number of different musical styles. Randi and Frank grin. John eventually breaks a string. Frank murmurs, "And he's asking me for tips on how to turn women on." John and Frank split.
They arrive at the offices of P.J. Fox, Turney's lawyer. Fox says that he met Turney at the beginning of his career, and that he had "staying power." Frank says that Fox had to protect his investment, and Fox says that he wanted to protect his friend, and he wants the cops to find "the garbage that took him out." Fox gets up, explaining that he's late for a dinner meeting, and exits quickly. Frank says they'll show themselves out. John thinks Fox was accommodating. Frank checks his planner and sees that there's no dinner date listed. Fox's assistant shows up, and Frank tells John they should keep Fox company.
Fox pulls up to the club where Turney died, and runs inside. Frank and John pull up across the street and watch. Frank says that the club used to be a dinner club, and he took his wife there on their first date. He adds that they saw Natalie Cole, and whenever he hears one of her songs, he's right back in that restaurant again. John thinks that's nice. Frank says, "It's funny how music can bookmark memories in your brain like that. Soundtrack of your life." John agrees thoughtfully.
Frank and John enter the club, which is packed with people dancing. Frank says that you'd think Fox, in his thousand-dollar suit, would stick out. John sees Turney on the stage, and realizes that it's Fox, who is now dressed in a sweat suit. Maybe I should be a DJ. I'd love any job where I got to wear a sweat suit all day. ["Is 'Paulie Walnuts' a job?" -- Sars] Fox spots John and Frank, and takes off. Frank catches him and asks why he's running, and that he knows lying to the police in a murder investigation is "a big no-no." Frank says he's taking Fox downtown, and asks John if he's joining them. John says he has plans. Frank asks if they're with Rachel, and John says, "Not exactly." Frank wrestles Fox to his car.
John sits in a soundproof room with some sensors hooked up to his head. A professor says he's happy to help, and explains that they have tried to create the ultimate auditory experience in that room, and have also added plasma screens to give a visual perspective on what the subject is hearing. John asks how many titles he can listen to. The professor says they have thirteen million titles. John wants to hear all of them. The professor asks what exactly John is looking for. John responds, "The soundtrack of my life," and explains that he's met a woman. The professor says that numerous studies support the idea of unlocking memories through music. John listens to various songs, including the Monday Night Football theme and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." None of them rings a bell. The professor can see that nothing is going on in John's brain. John listens to many songs, but only one of them brings back any memories: "My Funny Valentine." It causes John to have a memory of ragweed.
Lt. Bosslady talks to Fox in the interrogation room. She says that they found signs of ecstasy in his drug test. She asks if he ran because he was on drugs or because he murdered his client. She points out that he also lied about his plans for the evening. Fox says that his employees would frown upon his DJ work. Lt. Bosslady reveals that Turney was killed by low-frequency sound, and Fox might know something about how to accomplish that. Fox says that Turney was his friend. Lt. Bosslady says that rumor has it Turney was about to fire Fox as his lawyer. Fox doesn't think that's true. Lt. Bosslady says that Fox likes driving a Porsche, and that losing Turney as a client would hurt his finances. Lt. Bosslady thinks that Fox hated Turney. Fox says that everyone hated him, but he didn't want him dead. Lt. Bosslady asks who did.
Stella plays a loud, annoying tone on her computer. Randi shows up and says that Frank asked her to bring in Turney's old recordings. She asks what Stella was playing. John says that it's an accelerated version of the sound that killed Turney, and they're trying to figure out the device that made it. Randi asks if they're having any luck. Stella says it could be anything, and she doesn't know if they'll ever find it. Randy says that whoever killed him should go down, and laments that he was only nineteen. Frank walks in and says that Fox named someone named Lloyd as a suspect. Randi says Lloyd sued Turney for allegedly stealing his samples from the nternet, but Fox got the suit dismissed. Frank and John go off to have a talk with Lloyd.
Lloyd's apartment is a wreck. Frank pounds on the door and then cautiously enters. Lloyd turns, and we see that he's an albino. He talks to Frank and John bitterly about how Turney only got a contract because of his looks, and how he stole Lloyd's material. Frank asks if they can take a look at Lloyd's computer, and Lloyd agrees. He moves to a nearby piano and starts playing random notes. Frank asks John if he can find out if Lloyd tried to communicate with Turney. John does a search of some sort and asks Lloyd why he has fifty screen names. Lloyd says it's a free country. John reveals that he's recorded Lloyd's voice, and uses the sample to search Lloyd's computer for a match. John says that an audiophile probably doesn't use text emails. John's search turns up a number of recorded files, all of them sent to Turney. Lloyd looks worried. John plays one of the files, in which Lloyd says that he'll laugh when Turney dies. Lloyd says it was a practical joke. Frank asks where he was on the night Turney died. Lloyd says he was there, chatting with his girlfriend over the computer. John asks for the IP address, and Lloyd recites it. John knows that the IP belongs to a local web sex site (I think -- it was hard to tell what he was talking about) and they should have a record. Lloyd's face falls as Frank tells him to stick close to home.
John looks up information on ragweed on his computer, trying to figure out why he remembers it. His buzzer rings, and he goes to the door to find Rachel there. She says it's her turn to make dinner, and asks if he's available. John takes her grocery bags and asks if he's supposed to give her a kiss. Rachel says there aren't any rules. John starts to recite something from Men Are From Mars..., but Rachel interrupts him with a kiss. Cut to John and Rachel sampling all different kinds of food. John starts reciting facts about watermelon, and Rachel asks if he's hooked up to a mainframe somewhere. John says it remains to be seen. They review the list of foods that John liked (including Vienna sausage, which Rachel finds gross), and conclude with the fact that he doesn't like red licorice. Rachel tells him about the time she was a red licorice mummy for Halloween and her father helped her. John says that's why she likes licorice, and wonders if he likes French fries because his father grew potatoes in the backyard. Then he wonders if there was ragweed in the backyard. Rachel is puzzled by the reference to ragweed. John says he wants to find out who he was, not who he is now. Rachel admits that she doesn't know what it's like to be him, but she's dealt with a lot of patients like him, and she knows he needs to focus on what lies ahead. John wonders if what lies ahead betrays what's in his past. Rachel realizes he means he might have a wife or girlfriend. John says he feels trapped in between two worlds. Rachel says that he needs to decide which world he needs to be in, and John realizes that she means he needs to do that before they go any further. Rachel says that she should leave, and she walks out.
A janitor walks through Fox's office building, cleaning up the desks. She asks Fox if he's working late again, and then screams when she realizes that he's been killed by strangulation with a piano wire.
The coroner works on Fox as Frank and Lt. Bosslady observe. She says that his blood alcohol content was .13, so he didn't feel much. Frank says that based on Fox's attire, he was having an after-work cocktail with someone he knew. Lt. Bosslady figures that Fox got tipsy and let his guard down, and then he was killed. Stu bursts in with a hair sample from Fox's office, and the hair has no pigment. Frank realizes that it probably belongs to Lloyd, who had a piano at his house. He adds that Lloyd sued Turney and Fox got the suit thrown out. Lt. Bosslady thinks that's motive enough for her.
Stella continues to listen to the tone that killed Turney. John walks in. Stella asks if he forgot to sleep, since he looks like crap. John says he was up all night doing research on ragweed, trying to figure out where it grows, and he found out that it's all over the world. Stella explains that they linked Lloyd to Fox's murder, so they don't need to match the sound anymore. John gets an idea and strips the tone from the audio tracks to hear the ambient noise of the room where it was recorded. Stella notes that it's a perfect A. John flashes back to when he was in the recording studio and noted that the pitch at the center of the room was an A.
John goes to the recording studio alone. He creates some feedback using an amp. Randi shows up and asks what he's doing. John says that she recorded feedback from the speakers, slowed it down, and played it at the concert. Randi denies it. John says she used that amp and microphone, because the settings are still on key, and then Fox figured it out, so she killed him too. Then, she broke into Lloyd's house and took the piano wire. Do real cops tell the criminals how they committed their crimes? Randi says she has a rule about not sleeping with the musicians. John guesses that she made an exception. Randi says that Turney was "extra ordinary," but I'm guessing that she means "extraordinary." Randi says that success changed him, and John guesses that the groupies started showing up. Randi says she couldn't trust Fox. John says he has to call the police. Randi seems relieved that it's over, but then she turns and runs out the door.
John tries to chase her, but he's locked in the studio. Um, throw a chair through the giant window? He tries a few doors before trying to break the window, with no luck. He figures out the correct pitch he will need to play to shatter the glass, and then puts some liquid in a coffee mug to create the right pitch and amplify it. The window shatters. Meanwhile, out in the hallway, Randi is furiously punching the elevator button. Why not take the stairs? John runs into the hallway just as the elevator arrives, but it's full of furniture, so Randi takes off. John calls Frank on his cell phone while giving chase. He realizes that she climbed up the fire escape to the roof. John gets up there just in time to see Randi run in a door to the stairwell and lock it behind her. John runs to the edge of the roof, where he sees two pulleys and a wire attached to it. He looks down to see that the wire is attached to a couch on the ground. John yells down to ask what kind of couch it is, and then uses it as a counterweight to zip down to the ground. Hey, when he stepped off the wire, shouldn't the couch have come crashing down to the ground? He catches Randi just as she runs out the door.
Frank and John watch as Randi is escorted into the station. Frank says it's amazing what people will do for love. John asks if that's the way it usually turns out. Frank says it keeps him and his fellow cops in business. John wonders why anyone would fall in love. Frank says it sounds like Rachel trouble. He picks up a picture of his wife and says he doesn't regret loving her for one minute. He advises John not to worry about what could happen, and "focus on the now." I think John got a haircut between the last scene and this one.
Rachel reviews some notes in her apartment. Her bell rings. She walks out and finds a tray of red licorice. One long piece leads down the stairs. She follows it out and finds John holding the other end. I thought they were going to be all Lady and the Tramp and eat it from opposing ends, meeting in the middle, but then I remembered that he doesn't like red licorice. Rachel says she wasn't asking him to abandon his past. John says he doesn't know what he liked in the past, and he will always wonder, but he can "learn to love red licorice." Rachel says she can learn to love "Vienna sausage," which has got to be the worst last line of an episode ever. They kiss.