Props to both drdot and angleman for sending me supplemental materials for this show over the summer -- I forgot to thank them last week.
Joan is arguing with her father about wearing makeup. He's pacing anxiously around the house, distracted. Joan insists she's old enough to decide how much makeup is too much makeup. There's a skill your average makeup-wearing teenage girl has not mastered. Dad snipes, "The only way to prove that to me is be wearing too little." She retorts that yesterday he told her to wear less, when she wasn't wearing any. Look at that staircase! Man, I love their house. Dad says, "The point is, you don't need it." Joan: "The point is, you're not a guy my age." Also a group known for its good aesthetic judgment. Not to mention: that doesn't seem like the sort of argument that would move your average father. As Dad paces back to the kitchen, he passes the television and asks her to turn it off. She's about to do so when the blond announcer guy says, "Wait, Joan, don't touch that dial." This kinda freaked me out because I didn't think God would appear to Joan in ways that screw with other people's reality. Like, obviously other viewers aren't seeing this guy talking to Joan. Is it some break in the time-space continuum? Or maybe there isn't really a newscast at all, and the whole thing is just God setting up another opportunity to talk to Joan. It's probably not a newscaster she recognizes; otherwise she'd be all confused by how God is inhabiting the body of someone she's encountered before (like Walter Cronkite). Wouldn't she? I don't know. All I know is, my head shouldn't hurt this much two minutes into an episode. I save that for The West Wing now. Newscaster God tells her that he's the King of Kings, the Almighty. Joan seems good and freaked. Newscaster God continues in his news-delivering voice: "I know, you thought we were done after the last time we spoke. You hoped it was an isolated instance of mental breakdown and that your life would just return to normal." Joan bitches, "Yeah, well, I'm talking to the television, so normal works for me." Dad sticks his head back in and snaps the TV off just as Newscaster God's about to begin conveying a message. Joan's all, "Oh, my God! What did you do?" Dad walks off saying, "Yeah, it's a crime against God to turn off the television." Joan whispers "sorry" to the TV as she follows her dad into the kitchen.
He checks his watch and wonders where "they" are. Luke is nuking some food and rambling about microwaves and how they work. Joan turns on the TV on the kitchen counter, trying to find GBS or GBC or whatever God's network is called. She whispers to the TV and taps the screen, trying to find the right channel, as Luke bores his father, who isn't listening anyway. He stalks around the kitchen, wondering why Kevin's driving test is taking so long. He turns off the TV Joan's watching, and she admonishes him, "Dad! Quit being so nervous." He replies, "I wasn't nervous the first time Kevin got his license. Why would I be nervous this time?" Luke, unused to being paid any attention, mutters, "Because the last time he got his license, he ended up a paraplegic." Yikes. Joan gives Luke an incredulous look. Dad asks what he said. Luke: "I'm -- I'm sorry...were you listening?" A horn honks, and Dad goes to see if it's them. Luke exhales, and Joan goes back to the TV. Helen and Kevin come in, as Kevin says, "Do not buy me a car." He passed his test with a perfect score. Kevin announces: "King of the gimp drivers! I want to buy my own car." His mother asks if he has any idea how much that would cost. He says he'll get a job. Helen asks how, when he has no transportation. Luke interjects a remark about the classic chicken-and-egg paradox. Joan gives up and turns the TV off. Helen adds that a lot of jobs require you to have your own car. Kevin points out he's not planning to be a pizza delivery guy. Joan says she's going to her room to watch TV. Kevin complains about the fact that his mother's not satisfied that he got his hand control license: "It's not enough for one day?" He wheels out. Helen looks at Will and asks, "Why can't you help?" Will: "Help...what? What are we fighting about?" The microwave bell dings and Luke announces, to the empty room, "Dinner is served."
Not loving the re-recorded version of the opening song. I think they could have used the original.
Joan and Luke walk to school together, sniping at each other as they go. Joan wonders if he doesn't have any friends he could walk to school with. Luke: "Don't worry...they'll think I'm cool, styling with my big sister." He goes on to accuse her of worrying what her friends will think, and then disses her as not having any friends. Joan stops and grabs his arm, saying, "And ironically, you're still cramping my style." Do people still say that -- "cramping my style"? She hauls him around to face her, and tells him to hold up her compact. I guess she's planning to apply some more of the makeup her Dad won't let her out of the house wearing. As she looks in the mirror, behind her she sees some kid in grungewear with a large red messenger bag, on his knees behind a street-sweeping truck, looking around underneath it. Joan asks Luke, "Who's the reject?" Luke: "Adam Rove. Huge stoner. Hey, maybe he'll be your friend." Joan wonders what he's doing. Luke: "Looking for lost brain cells?" The bell rings, and Joan watches Adam run for the school. She asks, "What kind of loser runs just because the bell rings?" She turns around to see that Luke has taken off already. Behind her, a guy in an orange jumpsuit gets out of the truck and says, "Hey kid...it's me." Joan turns, looking puzzled. Orange Jumpsuit calls out, "You need proof? Fine. Sometimes you like to practice French-kissing yourself on the mirror!" Joan looks shocked and stomps over to him, asking, "Why do you have to be so mean? Orange Jumpsuit God smiles and shrugs. Joan tells him that it was her father that turned him off last night, so if there's a penalty, he's the one who should be penalized. Orange Jumpsuit God says, in a fake-authoritative voice, "Fine. He shall spend all of eternity burning in hell." Heh. Joan back-pedals furiously, saying what a really great guy her dad is. Orange Jumpsuit God says he's just kidding: "Just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen." Joan: "Really?" Orange Jumpsuit God says, "Yeah. Free will is one of my better innovations. I give suggestions, not assignments." Joan feels a suggestion coming on. Orange Jumpsuit God cuts right to the chase: "Stop squandering the potential I gave you. Stop underachieving. Have some pride." He climbs back into the truck. Joan's confused: "In what? Like in school?" God tells her school's a start. Joan asks, "Pride? What happened to humility?" Orange Jumpsuit God explains: "Yoomility isn't actually yoomility unless you're actually good enough at something to be humble." He waves and takes off. Joan turns, hand on her hip, and asks herself, "What?"
Cut to someone being loaded into a black body bag. Boy, that was abrupt. Lieutenant Daghlian is in a burned-out building arguing with someone that if someone's burnt to a crisp, that's murder. The other guy says, "Only if it's arson, and it ain't arson until I say it's arson." Will asks if it's arson. The other guy says he's investigating that, and until he decides, the cops have no jurisdiction. Daghlian gripes, "Nozzleheads. Got no respect for a crime scene." The investigator replies, "Nozzleheads? Girl Scouts solve more murders than you people do." Man, if I'd known there was a forensics badge, I wouldn't have quit after Brownies. I knew the Scout leader was a real nightmare, so I got roped into being a Pioneer Girl at church instead. More religion, but less ugly uniform. Man, now I'm having some strange flashbacks. I might need to go lie down. Will says, "That may have been true in the past, but not anymore. So you want to rethink your tone?" Some other guy wanders in and says, "Come on, now, let's get fraternal." Will greets him as "Chief Wyatt." Wyatt tells Will not to get all stiff and official just because "the kids are fighting." Will explains they're having crime scene issues. Wyatt tells his investigator, whose name is Roy, that he's going to inform Daghlian as soon as he decides whether it's arson. Thanks for the micromanagement there. I think that's what he was already planning to do. Wyatt turns to Daghlian and asks him if he's name is Armenian -- which Daghlian confirms -- and says you don't see a lot of Armenian cops. Daghlian, understandably, doesn't know what to say to that. Maybe he should point out there'd be a lot more Armenians around if the Turks hadn't slaughtered about one and a half million of them in 1915. Then it would be Wyatt's turn to not know what to say.
Wyatt asks Roy, "Are we straight on this, Roebuck?" Roebuck says he's been an arson investigator for eight years. Wyatt: "I'm guaranteeing Chief Girardi personally...don't prove me a liar." Girardi thanks him as he and the Fire Chief walk away together, no doubt leaving Roebuck and Daghlian to glower at each other. Wyatt tells him, "Call me Tom...or Tommy." Girardi: "Will. Not Willie...ever." Heh. Don't make him go all Fat Tony on your ass. Wyatt: "Ha!" He tells Will that Roy's just sensitive about the hierarchy and that maybe he feels inferior to cops. Bet Roy'd have something to say about that. Will: "But you don't?" Wyatt: "Aw, hell no. Cops are heroes, what, maybe ten percent of the time? Everybody loves the fire department." He invites Will and Helen to his house for a cocktail party. Will accepts, and Tommy leaves. Daghlian comes over to Will, who remarks that two weeks earlier, Wyatt wouldn't return his phone calls. Daghlian's theory is that Wyatt's going to ask Will to become a Centurion. Will: "Great. When do we attack Carthage?" Hee. Daghlian explains that it's like the Kiwanis Club, and all the local city leaders are Centurions. Will: "Well, if charity work and riding little motorcycles in parades gets things done, sign me up. Keep me apprised on this, um...homicide." I would love to see Joe Mantegna riding a tiny motorcycle around. ["Don't forget the fez." -- Sars]
Helen's at work, asking students who are late for their excuses as she writes them passes for class. Some kid with an apparently severe narcolepsy problem, wearing cowboy pyjamas, is in line. Helen asks why he's late. The butch-looking woman behind him (who appears to be about thirty-four), carrying a skateboard and wearing a surly expression, snarks, "Take a guess...he's still in his jammies." He says he slept in and missed the bus. Like any kid in his right mind would come to school in those pyjamas with that bedhead going on. Kid will never live it down. Drop out now, kid. Your life is over. Helen gives him his note, and he leaves as Joan arrives. Helen complains to Butch, whose name is Grace, that she's late every single day. I had actually thought she was the angry mother of Pyjama Kid until I made out the skateboard. There's no way in hell she's a teenager. But I like her anyway. Helen starts writing a note as Grace insists that Helen ask her the reason for her tardiness. Helen warns her that since she's late for every class and for school every day, she's in danger of being suspended. Joan sits and plays with her hair while all this is going on. Grace finally gets Helen to ask the reason, and Grace replies, "The reason for my tardiness is I am late." Helen just smiles indulgently, which isn't really doing a lot to underscore the validity of her threats. She leaves, and Helen wants to know why Joan's there. Joan replies, "Mrs. Girardi, here's the deal. At school, you and I don't know each other. Okay?" The vice-principal comes out of his office with Adam Rove, the reject from under the street sweeper, haranguing him about reporting to him every morning before school: "I may not be able to stop you from getting high away from school, but you're mine between eight in the morning and three in the afternoon." Adam agrees indifferently as he plays with a paper punch on the counter: "Okay, Mr. Price..." VP Price reminds Adam that he'll be urine-tested if there's any suspicion of drug use. Price: "Mm-hmm. For your own good." Adam: "And call the cops...and ruin my life." Price: "All for your own good." Adam's facial features remind me a little of a young John Cusack -- on whom I used to have a crush -- so I'm pretty predisposed to him. He's got the same nasal quality to his voice that Cusack does, too. ["I was kind of getting a Brian Krakow vibe from him, but less tense." -- Sars]
He pushes Adam out of the office and then notices Joan. He asks her to walk with him. Joan's behind him when he asks, "So, Advanced Placement." Joan says nothing. He says, "I can't hear if you nod, Ms. Girardi. You're going to have to speak up." They walk into the hall as Price says that there's nothing about her record that suggests academic achievement. She knows. He wants to know why she all of a sudden wants to take a challenging course. Joan: "I need a reason?" Price: "Ah, premise, argument, conclusion, the correctness of reasoning, the validity of inference..." Joan doesn't know what the hell he's on about. Neither do I. He says she needs a reason; she says it's personal. They stop again, and Price says, to some kid behind him scrawling something on the wall, a kid he hasn't actually seen: "I see you, Mr. Denberg. My office, 3:15." He turns and glances as the kid slinks away. He tells Joan that they're not talking about adolescent romance, they're talking about academics. Joan, perhaps figuring that a guy with eyes in the back of his head might be open to the not-entirely-normal, asks if he believes in God. Price: "That would only be pertinent if God told you to take Advanced Placement." Joan rolls her eyes thoughtfully and says, "He might have. He isn't always clear." Price: "Ms. Girardi, messages from God suggest psychosis. And psychosis is a matter for the school psychiatrist and massive doses of Thorazine. So for the record: did God ask you to take advanced courses?" Joan laughs nervously and then says she just wants to do better. He says he has one vacancy in AP Chem: "Take it or leave it."
Will enters his office, quietly followed by some guy who asks, "How's the Chief of Police?" Will turns and says, "Slightly apprehensive when the District Attorney pays a personal visit." He says he came by earlier, but Will was apparently out "sifting through embers." Will explains that there was a small jurisdictional dispute. The DA describes him as more "hands-on" than his predecessor. Will: "I take it you don't approve?" The DA replies, "Well, there is some concern that when a police chief immerses himself in trivialities, larger questions such as budget, staffing, inter-agency relations..." Will points out that when he arrived, the department had the worst conviction rate for any city its size in the nation. The DA admits that Will's turned things around. Will adds that he answers to the mayor, not the DA. The DA stands up and leaves, asking, "Who do you think sent me?"
Cut to a chemistry class, and the two nerds sitting beside Luke. They're all guys with middling to bad hair and wearing glasses, so you know they're nerds. Luke looks up and sees Joan standing at the front of the class, arms crossed. She sticks her tongue out at Luke as Grace arrives for class. The teacher informs her that she's late, and VP Price, who happens to be standing at the door, says, "See me after school, Ms. Polk." Grace, wearing an even surlier expression than earlier, just walks to her seat, raising her hand in a sarcastic way to acknowledge Price's command. The teacher, who's got an unflattering haircut and a worse multicolour dye job, and is wearing a bit too much eye makeup to boot, introduces Joan and tells her to sit with "that group" -- which happens to be Grace and Adam. Joan looks disappointed but tosses her hair slightly as she walks past Luke's desk. She takes a seat between Grace and Adam. The teacher claps her hands and starts the class. Cut back to Joan's group: Grace's forehead is propped on her hand, obscuring her eyes. Joan's hands are on either side of her head, propping it up and covering her ears. Adam's resting his chin on his hand, which is covering his mouth. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Cute.
Dinnertime at the Girardis' -- and Mom wants everyone to share something good they did that day. Kevin, always defensive: "Mom, if you want to know if I looked for work, just ask." Helen just keeps smiling, undeterred: "Will?" He says he did not pull out his gun and shoot an arson investigator or the DA. Luke's answer: "I didn't laugh when Joan was introduced to my AP Chem class. Joan says that Luke took her answer: "I'm now taking chemistry with the clamheads." Helen asks if Kevin's thought any more about getting his own transportation. He gives her a look, and then puts his fork and napkin on the table. He wheels away, saying, "I already got my own wheels." I think the family's chemistry is beginning to gel nicely. I usually hate nuclear families on TV; they're typically too sweet or smarmy and even the conflicts feel really fake. They're doing well with this one so far. Still not totally getting what Helen and Will see in each other. I would also like to know why "normal" is so very important to them.
Great shot of the exterior of the Girardis' house. Is that not a lovely Craftsman specimen? Sigh. It's morning, and we see Kevin use a handle hanging above his bed to pull himself up. As he's moving his legs to the edge of the bed, Mom knocks, saying, "Good, you're awake!" Kevin replies, "Half awake, anyway." He looks down, saying, "The other half is still sound asleep." He slaps his thighs, urging them, "Wake up, you lazy bastards! It's morning!" He shrugs at his mother, who's not amused. She asks him, "Please don't make those jokes." As he lifts himself into his chair, he asks why. Helen replies, "Because if somebody else made those jokes about you, I would scratch their eyes out." I totally believe her, too. He asks her about the paper she's holding. She says, "I Googled used cars with hand controls. In case you're interested." She hands him the paper and kisses him on the head. As she turns to go, he reaches forward and grabs her hand: "Thanks, Mom." Kevin finishes getting into his wheelchair as she leaves. He seems to have a lot of mobility -- I'm guessing his injury must be fairly low.
Joan's in chemistry class. Man, Amber Tamblyn has some seriously pouty lips. Excellently shaped, too. Joan looks miserable. Mrs. Leschak is rambling on. Joan glances to her left, and notices Adam drawing an extremely exaggerated cartoon of the teacher as a scantily-clad dominatrix type. The teacher continues blathering on about laws of proportions or something, and after smacking the blackboard with her pointer, walks around twirling it like a baton, saying, "The chemical concepts here include single-replacement, exothermic reactions, enthalpy, and..." She points dramatically to Luke, who says, "Entropy." Everyone gasps like he just proved that the earth revolves around the sun or something. Mrs. Leschak starts marching around and chanting, "Go, Luke, go, Luke..." The class joins in. To Joan's right, Grace is fiercely carving something into the desk with a metal ruler. Probably "Fuck school before it fucks you." Luke: "Iron oxide is reduced to metallic iron by aluminum reaching a temperature of..." He thinks, and the teacher leans over his shoulder and taunts, "Need a calculator?" Luke: "No...approximately 3,000 degrees Centigrade." As the bell rings, Mrs. Leschak assigns a home test: "List the chemical equations which take place in a typical wood fire." They have to work with their groups, and it's due before the bell. Joan looks like she's planning to check into atheism at her earliest opportunity.
At the arson site, Will greets Roy: "Mr. Roebuck." Roy corrects him, "Lieutenant Roebuck." Will points out that he's a Chief. Roy: "Not my Chief." Dude, chill. Will says that if he's withholding evidence, he'll arrest him for obstruction of justice. Roy says he's just taking the time he needs to be thorough: "Your guys should try it sometime." I bet he gets great results with this confrontational, insulting approach. Girardi complains that the trail of arsonist is getting colder by the minute. Roy says, "Anybody asking questions about who might benefit from this building being burned down?" Will walks away, saying that they'll do their job, and he should do his. Roebuck has one last shot: "That's the least a reasonable person could expect."
Beyond a fence enclosing a playground full of laughing children, Kevin sits in his wheelchair, smoking and watching them. Joan walks up and asks, "When did you start smoking?" Kevin: "Don't knock it -- it's the only exercise I get. Besides, it makes me look cool." Joan: "Yeah. Chicks really dig a perv smoking and staring at the kids in the yard." Kevin tosses his cigarette down on the ground and taps Joan's elbow, saying, "Stamp that out, will you? I'm not a good stamper." Hee. She does, and then she sits on the ground and leans against the fence. She says their mother thinks he's out looking for a job: "FYI: that's pitiful." Kevin: "Yeah, well, these days, Pityville is my home town." Joan asks why he doesn't just let "the parental units" buy him a car. Kevin laughs: "I suppose you'd let them buy you a car." Joan replies, "Duh...any normal person would." Kevin just lets that hang there, and Joan feels bad immediately, of course. She apologizes and says she didn't mean it. Kevin says, "No, I remember 'normal.' Back when I was normal, I wanted them to buy me a car. And you know what they said? They said, 'No.' They said, 'Be a man. Get a job. Buy your own car.' So what's changed since then?" Joan's started crying a little bit. Kevin pushes: "Joan, what's changed?" She says gently, "You know what's changed." Kevin nods: "Nobody expects me to be a man anymore." He wheels his chair around sharply and takes off. Joan hollers after him through her tears: "You've stopped trying! You just sit around and smoke in the park like some sub-defective!" Yikes. Can't tell if Kevin was close enough to hear that, because he is really motoring.
Suddenly a bright blue ball comes at Joan from outside the playground, and she's coordinated enough to catch it. Me? It would have hit me in the face. She starts crying harder. Behind her, a geeky-looking little girl wearing some kind of goggle-eyed headband asks why she's crying. Joan says, without turning around, that she had a fight with her brother. The little girl, who's wearing a striped sweater over a plaid jumper ["bad combo, but the sweater itself I covet" -- Sars], asks, "Because he doesn't try hard enough?" Joan blinks back some tears and says, "You heard that, yeah?" Little Girl: "I hear everything, Joan." Professor Frink: "With antennae like that, I should think so." Now Joan turns and gazes at the serious face of the little girl. She pleads, "Let Kevin walk...please. I'll just ask for this one favour and then I'll never ask for one again. It's so easy for you! All you have to do is snap your fingers or blink your eyes..." She sobs. My heart breaks. "Just let Kevin stand up and walk." I'm all snurfly. Little Girl God says people ask her to do little things and big things billions of times a day. Joan shrugs, "What do you expect? You're God!" Little Girl God explains, "I put a lot of thought into the universe. I came up with the rules. It sets a bad example if I break them. Not to mention, it shows favouritism. Why should one person get a miracle, and not everybody else?" Well, why can't everyone have them? Is there a limited supply? Are they a Blue Light Special? Are there no rain checks, even? Little Girl God continues, "Can you imagine the confusion?" Frankly, I can't imagine that it'd be any worse than the current state of affairs. She concludes, "It's better when we all abide by the rules." She'd make a good TWoP moderator. Joan asks sadly, "No miracles?" LGG: "Miracles happen within the rules. That's why I came to you." Joan: "To...to perform miracles." Little Girl God says she's an instrument of God, "bound by the limit of time and space. Perfect." She lets that sink into Joan and then asks if she can have her ball back. Joan tosses it over the fence to her. Little Girl God asks with a goofy smile, "You'd like to give me a slap, wouldn't you?" Joan admits it: "Yeah...but you're so cute." Little Girl God says, "By the way, as an instrument of me, have some pride. Do better. Do your best." She walks off. Joan calls out, "Now I'd like to slap you!" Little Girl God just waves dismissively without looking back.
Joan, Adam, and Grace are at Joan's kitchen table, working on their test. There's a pile of twigs, one of which is commanding Adam's attention. Grace is lighting matches. Joan asks what to do first. Grace: "Ask your brother for the answer." Joan blows out the match, saying, "To be humble, you have to be proud." Adam: "Wait, aren't those opposites?" Luke comes downstairs, and Grace stage-whispers, "Ask him. Ask him, ask him!" Joan refuses and asks if there's a chemical formula for twigs. Luke shakes his head to himself as he gets something out of the fridge. Adam: "Cellulose is C6-H12-O6." Joan makes no effort to conceal her astonishment. Adam explains, "Uh, I have an eidetic memory." Joan: "What's that?" Luke: "Photographic." Grace looks at Adam: "He can barely remember his name." Adam says that he knows a lot of stuff, but he just can't put it together. Joan asks for the chemical equation for fire. Grace: "Wood doesn't actually burn." Joan says that's insane as she blows out another match Grace has lit. Grace continues, "What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification through oxidation reduction, then combustion." She's got Luke's attention away from his chocolate milk now: "It is so hot that you know that." Hee. Grace just glares. Adam asks Grace, "Dude, are you smart?" Grace: "Just because I rebuke the whole 'formal schooling equals knowledge' crap doesn't mean I'm stupid." In the background, Luke is struggling openly to try to get the lid off a jar of cookies. Joan asks, "So what about gas?" She looks at Adam, who says, "Chah, like I know." Grace: "And Rain Man's back to underpants." I love this show, in case it isn't already obvious. Adam says, "Listen, you tell me the formula and I'll tell you the substance, or..." Luke is still getting a hernia trying to open the cookie jar, and his grunting attracts Grace's attention. She snaps her fingers and gestures to Luke. He looks sheepish, but brings her the jar. Adam says if they tell him the substance, he can tell them the formula. Joan says to work it backwards. As Grace opens the cookie jar for Luke, Joan looks at her brother like he's a reject. Grace says, "Charcoal plus the mystery gas equals wood plus oxygen and heat." Adam: "C50-H10-O plus10CH20. That's formaldehyde...equals oxidized and reduced C6-H12-O6." Grace commands Joan to start scribbling. Joan asks what that means. Luke nods to himself. Grace grabs her bag and leaves, saying it means they're done. Joan asks Luke if they got it right. He replies, "It's like watching three monkeys build a particle accelerator using tinfoil and a BB gun."
As Luke goes back upstairs, Joan's parents come home from a party. Dad says they just passed an "extremely rude boy" outside. Helen laughs to herself, telling Will that wasn't a boy, it was Grace Polk. So far, she'll do until an extremely rude boy comes along. She turns around and is surprised to find Adam in her kitchen. He smiles -- he has a cute smile -- and pulls a toque on down to his eyebrows. He stands up and says, "Headline: Adam Rove meets the, uh, Chief of Police." Adam gives Will a hearty handshake. Helen smiles at Will, who says he'll see her upstairs. Joan tells her mother that Adam knows where to get a car with hand controls; there's one at the impound lot where his dad works. Helen: "Is your dad a police officer?" Adam: "Chah, no way, no. Night janitor." Adam leaves, saying to Joan: "Nice work, Jane."
Helen walks upstairs to the bedroom. She's wearing a black halter dress with printed trim that looks really good on her. Will asks, "These are Joan's new friends: a person of mysterious gender and Space Boy?" She doesn't answer: she's too happy about the car with hand controls, and tells him about it. It's news to Will. She can't understand why he doesn't know that. Will demonstrates, with hand gestures, the relative levels of the impound yard and the Chief of Police. She wants him to look into it. He thinks it would be inappropriate: "I'm the Chief of Police...I can't be sucking around the impound yard looking for bargains." He puts his arms around her, and she asks how much he had to drink tonight. In a voice that's almost Fat Tony's, he says, "Exactly the right amount." She wonders if he's not curious as to why Joan is suddenly in AP Chemistry. He's not. He macks on her.
Cut to them sleeping. Will's pager goes off. How does Helen sleep through that? I can never sleep through Frink's. He looks at the message, which says, "I'm at your front door." Will goes quietly down the stairs, .38 drawn. He looks out the window and sets his gun down, then opens the door. It's Roebuck. Will: "What the hell do you want?" Roebuck hands him a file and says, "I did my job. I'd be one amazed son of a bitch if you do yours." Miss Congeniality takes off to conduct a midnight seminar at the Dale Carnegie Institute. Seriously, what's with all the cloak-and-dagger drama?
Joan catches up with Grace, asking where Adam is. I notice a cheerleader in a neck brace in the foreground. What's that all about? Seems like a lot of detail for an extra. Grace says he called in sick, and Price is pissed, and wants some of Adam's pee. Joan says, "He left his bag at my house." Grace opens her locker and looks over her shoulder at Joan, saying, "Then stay away from me." Joan asks why. Grace: "Because that backpack is probably full of boo-yah schwag." Wait. I'm old enough to be your great-grandmother and all, and I haven't been hep to the lingo since Taft was in office, but isn't "boo-yah" good? And doesn't "schwag" refer to substandard weed? Or have those crazy kids gone and switched all the meanings around again, like they did with "bad" and "wicked"? Joan says she's not hanging on to it for him for another day if it's full of drugs. She adds that Grace has to turn their assignment in. Grace: "I don't hand things in...and I never hand them in on time. It's my policy." Joan says if she hands it in late, the teacher won't accept it, and she'll fail all three of them. Grace: "Again...thinking only of yourself." Joan gets on her high horse (more like a tall pony) and says, "Stop squandering your potential. Stop underachieving. Have some pride!" She stuffs the paper in Grace's locker and flounces off.
Joan ducks into a room and looks in Adam's bag. She pulls out a bunch of wires or something, bent into a V-shape. Mystified, she puts them back, and then goes up a flight of stairs. Through the window on the landing, she sees the street cleaner and races outside.
Daghlian has reports indicating that the arsonist employed a sophisticated device involving magnesium accelerant. He concludes that they're looking for a pro. Will says, "Well, magnesium is a type that outdoorsy people get from outdoorsy stores to start fires in outdoorsy places." He calls Daghlian's attention to the list of people who'd recently purchased it. Daghlian notices Tom Wyatt's name on the list, and comments that he's not the outdoorsy type. Will shows Daghlian (can we get a first name on the guy? Wait, I just looked it up on IMDb and it's Michael) a list of shareholders for a development company called Badger Hill. Apparently that company owns most of the property around the arson site. Daghlian, looking at the list: "Wyatt again. Did he really think we wouldn't get here?" Will thinks maybe he didn't care. He tells Michael about the party he was at the night before, where most of the guests seemed to have something to do with Badger Hill. Reading the list of shareholders, Michael says they're the people that run things: "They're way higher than I am on the food chain." Will: "We arrest people. We're the top of the food chain." Michael manages to say that he'll do whatever Will wants, but...Will: "Only if I specifically order you to do so? Maybe you want it in writing to fully cover your ass?" Michael: "It's the real world, Chief. I gotta live here."
Joan chases the street sweeper down the road, but when the guy stops, she sees it's not God. Once he drives away, she notices one of the V-shape things that's in Adam's bag in the street. They must come off the brushes that are under the street sweeper. As she puzzles over this, an electrician standing in a cherry picker, working on a street light, calls out, "You looking for me?" Joan: "Uhhh...not sure." The electrician says, "You know, sometimes when you're alone, that hideous Titanic song makes you cry." Heh. She sighs and walks over to him, asking again, "Why do you have to be so mean?" He replies, "Why do you have to keep questioning me? Most people would be on their best behaviour." Joan: "Okay, whatever." She says she's been thinking about what Little Girl God said when she asked her to cure Kevin, and she's realized that God wants her to become a scientist so she can cure Kevin. Electrician God: "Okay, newsflash, Joan...you don't need to let me in on your thinking process. I'm omniscient." Joan points out that she's not, so she has to ask if she's on the right track. Electrician God: "It's simple: I want you to fulfill your true nature." Joan makes a derisive sound and says, "God." Electrician God: "Yes?" Joan: "No, I was -- I was taking your name in vain, to be technical. Sorry." Hee. Electrician God explains, "Look, you won't always know why I ask you to do things. You won't always see the effects. Just think about what you learned in AP Chemistry." Joan says she didn't learn anything: "I got the others to do it." Sounds like you learned enough to become a manager. Electrician God spells it out: "The smallest catalyst can set off mind-boggling chain reactions. One time, I said, 'Let there be light.'" The bulb on the fixture he's just wired lights up. "All hell broke loose. You know, figuratively speaking." Joan asks if her true nature is to be a catalyst: "That's mad anticlimatic." Electrician God impatiently sets her straight: "Anticlimactic. 'Anticlimatic' means you're...against the weather." Ha! Did I mention I love this show? Joan just looks at him and says, "Pffft!" She walks off. Electrician God prepares to continue working on the light when the bulb fizzles out. Man, even God can't get Con Edison to cooperate.
Kevin and his mother come out on the porch to see a tow truck delivering a beat-up heap of a station wagon. Kevin thinks she's gotta be kidding. Helen: "I know it doesn't look like much." Kevin says it looks like a dumpster. He yells to the guy delivering it to take it back. Helen says no, and closes the front door so Kevin doesn't go back inside. He says, "I don't want it! Why can't you just let me do things my way?" His mother says that if she did, nothing would happen: "You would just rot in that chair to spite us all!" She switches gears, and smiles and waves at the tow truck driver: "Thank you!" She walks to the top of the stairs and sits down. "Do you remember when you first came home after the accident?" Kevin wheels to the top of the stairs to her and says, "Yes, Mom, I remember who washed me and wiped my ass and fed me. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten any of that." He says it so that you feel his humiliation, not his gratitude. Helen looks weary and replies, "Kevin...that is just...mother stuff. You don't owe me anything for that -- not even thanks. What I'm talking about is the day you came home, you asked me if you would ever feel normal again. What did I say?" Kevin hesitates and his eyes get a little watery as he says, "You said, 'Yes.' You promised." Mom: "And I intend to keep that promise. No matter how hard you fight me, because nobody...can stop me from keeping a promise to someone I love. Not even the person I love." Kevin shakes his head slightly, like he thinks she's nuts, but he's a little verklempt, too. She continues, "Now here's this...ugly vehicle, and the least you can do is take it for a drive! Will you do that?" Kevin relents. She quietly thanks him and gets up to go into the house. At the door, he asks if she wants to come along. Good scene. I really like these two together. I am buying their mother-son relationship, and I love that his mother doesn't sugarcoat things and try to paint a sunny picture, even as she doggedly attempts to kick his ass. I love how much she wants to do the right things for her kids, even when she hasn't a clue what those things are.
We see Joan walking, eventually arriving at a modest house. The front lawn looks like a missile site where someone's been holding a found-art show. It's covered with all manner of sculptures and mobiles made of discarded materials. There's a slightly grizzled-looking middle-aged guy sitting on the porch on a folding chair, reading a newspaper. His shirt is open, exposing his undershirt. Joan asks if it's Adam Rove's house. The man on the porch replies, "Will be when I die. Until then, we share it." He cautions her to watch out for the thing on the lawn she's about to bump into. He doesn't know what to call it; it's a large rotating piece. Joan guesses maybe it's supposed to be an anemone. She introduces herself, saying she's a school friend of Adam's. His father is bemused: "My son's going out with the police chief's daughter?" She corrects that impression right away and says she's just returning his bag. Mr. Rove cracks, "That's too bad. It would have been great for my career." Joan asks if he made all the sculptures: "They're really beautiful." His father replies, "No, this is Adam's stuff. It's either crap or genius. I'm going with genius. Then again, I'm his dad." Joan is surprised to learn that Adam made all of the stuff. His dad tells her he's out back.
Joan enters a workshop or garage full of stuff where Adam's welding, and calls his name. He lifts up his mask, and Frink says, "No one looks good in those. Not even Jennifer Beals." He's pretty surprised to see that it's "Jane." He's working on some big piece made of chicken wire and other spiky metal stuff. She tells him she's brought him his bag. He says nothing, not even "thanks." He just kind stands there awkwardly. Joan approaches him and, referring to the art he's working on, says it's really beautiful. Adam's response: "Chah...fo' shizzle my nizzle." Uh, no. Just...no. He looks like he's not entirely sure himself that that comment was well-advised. Joan just smiles and lets it go. She asks what it is he's making. Adam doesn't know. He gestures toward his bag and thanks her. He reaches in, grabs some of the wire pieces, and says, "Thanks for bringing me all these...things. I really needed them to finish this...thing." Joan confesses that she was sort of paranoid about having his bag, and thought it might be full of "boo-yah schwag." Adam doesn't even know what she's talking about. Joan explains with a little snort, "Weed." Adam looks slightly indignant, almost hurt, and says softly, "I don't do that." Joan laughs dismissively, prompting Adam to insist, "I don't." She wonders what all that business was with Price in the vice-principal's office, and why Adam didn't put up more of a fight about being drug-tested. Basically, Adam lets Price think whatever he wants, so he doesn't keep digging for his own "personal mystery" to use against him: "As far as I'm concerned, as long he's digging up my 'drug problem,' then he won't find out my real secret." Joan: "Which is?" Adam: "Chah, look around you." Joan does. "I talk to angels." That makes Joan wide-eyed. Adam: "Relax, Jane, it's a metaphor." She wonders, "But...what if you actually could talk to angels?" Adam: "I'd keep my mouth shut." They agree that Mr. Price would have such a person put away. Adam gives her a small spiky sculpture.
Kevin and his mother have gone to a small fast food place with a drive-through window. A cute girl is handing him the food, commenting that it's "Animal Style" and she likes that, too. I don't know what "Animal Style" is, but posters in our forums say that it's a California/In-N-Out Burger thing. I looked it up, and apparently, "animal-style burgers come with lettuce, tomato, extra spread, pickles, grilled onions, and mustard fried into the patty." Kevin grins, "I don't even know what it means, I just like the way it sounds." This all came across less dirty than it reads here. When she tells him the price of the food, she says, "I'm giving you a ten-percent discount because you're cute." Mom hands him the money to pay for it. Yeah, that's hot. Kevin's all smiles: "Oh, they got the cute discount. I bet you get that a lot." She replies, "Yeah, but I only extend it to the super-cute." Helen, who's been smiling patiently through all this, finally pipes up: "Hello...sitting right here...I'm his mother." Also helpful. Cute Girl greets mom with a sing-song "Hi!" She tells Kevin to come back soon and ask for Barbie. Kevin: "Well, if you're Barbie, I'll do that." She tells him he's funny. She's easily amused. He drives off, and then stops at the exit to the street, pausing for a moment before turning to Helen and saying, "I'm starting to like the vehicle." That was sweet.
Joan is walking home from Adam's place through a sort of courtyard area. Oh, God help me, there's a mime. A Mime God? Will it be a throwaway bit like Neck-Brace Cheerleader? No, no it won't. I love mimes the way most people love bagpipes, gum surgery, and lumbar punctures. The mime walks into the scene, and directly into a post -- right to Joan, but she's too distracted to notice. Then he starts following Joan, which she does notice right away. She tries to dismiss him; he imitates her. He pretends to poke his eye on Adam's pointy sculpture, and then pretends to admonish her. Joan: "This is why people hate mimes." The mime claims people don't hate mimes, they just say they do. Believe me, clownface, I am not just saying it. He says it's the opposite of opera. Joan: "Isn't there a law that says you can't talk to people?" He says, "Hey Joan...I remain silent, I get criticized for that, too." She realizes it's God, and sighs. She sits down and says she's not getting it: "I joined AP Chem -- so what?" Mime God pretends to lean his elbow on something. She says she obviously has to do what God wants, but she doesn't get it. Mime God starts pulling an imaginary rope and adding all sorts of descriptive gestures as he explains, "AP Chem brings Adam Rove into your home, where he tells your mother about a car in the impound. Now your brother has a car. Get it?" Joan: "I -- I got Kevin his car?" Mime God: "Me, working through you, working through Adam, working through your mother, working through..." Oy, with the middlemen. You'd think God would just cut to the chase, instead of playing some kind of existential telephone game. Joan puts her hand to her forehead and asks him to stop with all the pantomime: "It's very distracting." Mime God sadly agrees, and explains, "What Kevin does with that car depends on his own free will, which is another reality strand. Back on this strand, your father meets Adam, which compels him to exchange pleasantries with Adam's father, who passes on his inflated impressions of your father to his counterpart at the fire department, who happens to be the brother-in-law of an arson investigator who risks his job to pass information to your father, so that he can arrest an arsonist..." Questions: First of all, Will wasn't compelled to be pleasant to his night janitor before he knew their kids knew each other? And: Roebuck appeared at Will's door with the information just hours after Will met Adam. There was no time for any of this intervening jazz that Mime God's spinning out about Will being nice to Adam's father or people yammering to each other about Will. Big continuity goof. Joan: "Wait, wait, wait, wait...I caught an arsonist?" Mime God: "That's just on the Adam Rove reality strand." Joan, getting one of those glimpses of the universe that threatens to implode your mind: "How far does this go?" Mime God: "All the way, baby." He starts trembling and shaking and making like he's struggling to stay upright against a tide of wind or water. Joan asks, "Always for the better?" Mime God: "Better is how it works with me. An infinite good in an infinite universe. Trust in me, Joan...that's all I ask!" He pretends to blow away altogether, grabbing a post and hanging sideways just before miming off.
Will and Michael are waiting in his office; someone brings in Chief Wyatt. He asks, "What's up? Where's the fire?" He strikes me as the sort of dolt who never gets tired of asking that. Will tells him that he's going to need a lawyer, and that Daghlian's going to interrogate him about the death of the guy in the arson case. The DA (whose name I don't think we ever got, but it's Gabe Fellowes) busts in at that moment, looking pissed. Wyatt says, "Thank God you're here." Fellowes warns him to shut the hell up and stay that way. Daghlian asks Wyatt to come with him, and warns him that he's going to be arrested if he refuses. Wyatt gives Will major stink-eye before leaving with Daghlian. When they're gone, the DA asks what he's got. Will says it's all in the warrant package. Fellowes asks for the recaplet. Will says they can tie Wyatt to the device and the accelerant, and place him at the scene, and that Wyatt had a motive. Will explains about the Badger Hill thing -- in which the DA is also a shareholder. Fellowes says that as a public servant, if he or any other public servant owns any shares in Badger Hill, it's through a blind trust. Will doesn't care that it's all at arm's length. Fellowes sells Tommy out immediately: "You say you have Wyatt on physical evidence? There's no need to include Badger Hill in the official evidence package." Will insists that it's evidence. The DA thinks it's irrelevant, and that Will can convict Wyatt without it: "It's unnecessarily inflammatory." Will: "My people provide your people with evidence. How you use it is up to you." Fellowes points out that he can't suppress anything in the official police report. Geez, what a crazy law. Will makes it clear that he doesn't care how things look. Fellowes says Will's job is as political as his or the mayor's. Will doesn't see it that way. Fellowes asks if Will has wondered why he was hired for this job: "An outsider...one who's never held a top position? It's because you have a reputation as a pragmatic man who understands the importance of playing ball." Will: "Apparently, we were both misinformed." The DA leaves, sort of smirking darkly to himself.
Joan places Adam's sculpture in the middle of the kitchen table as they set it for dinner. Whatever he intended for that artwork, I'm sure it wasn't meant to be a centrepiece. Luke asks, "He makes stuff out of stuff that people throw away?" Joan: "And get this: he's not a stoner." Luke and Mom, in unison: "Get outta here." Hope Mom doesn't spill the beans about his non-stonerdom to VP Price, there, Joan. Luke starts juggling vegetables as Joan warns her mother not to say anything. She wants to know why he'd want the VP to think he's abusing drugs. Joan pleads, "Mo-o-o-m...could this just be one of those things we agree on without having to go deeply into it?" She leaves, and Kevin wheels in, wearing a bright red sweater, and announces he's eating out. He gestures to Luke and says, "You want to come, geek?" Luke looks surprised to be invited, and asks his mother if he can go. She says he can and they take off, just as Dad comes home. He asks where they're going. Helen: "Out to eat...together, in Kevin's new car that I got from impound." Will: "Huh." I sort of expected more of a reaction to that. Joan comes back, and he greets her, "Hey, sweetie pie." Noticing the sculpture, he asks, "What the hell is that?" Joan: "It's beautiful, okay?" Will walks over to Helen and she kisses him, asking -- if he's not mad about the car -- whether they could invite the Wyatts over on the weekend. She really liked them. Will tells her that he knows they're the first couple they really clicked with, but he arrested Tom Wyatt for arson this afternoon. Helen and Will find that hysterical. Joan doesn't get why it's funny.
Back at the drive-through window of Animal Burgers, Maryland-Style or whatever this place is called, Luke explains that the way they make the fries so crisp is by using a type of oil that boils at a much higher temperature than most oils. As Barbie appears at the window, Kevin slaps his hand over Luke's mouth. Barbie: "You again! Sweet." Kevin: "I can't resist your tasty treats." Oh, lord. Luke mutters quietly to himself, "'Tasty treats'?" I'm with you, buddy. Barbie: "Be cheaper if you just asked me out." Luke snort-laughs a little: "Whoa." Kevin: "I don't know. You don't strike me as a cheap date." Much better than "tasty treats." Barbie asks if he likes movies, or suggests they could go to a concert. I guess Kevin didn't think things would move along quite so fast, and he realizes that he's really not ready for this. He switches gears, saying he's not really available. Barb looks hurt and disappointed and says she'll go get their order. When she's gone, Luke asks, "Why didn't you just tell her? I mean, she likes you. She probably wouldn't even care." Kevin turns to Luke and grabs him, saying, "You gotta shut up now, okay? We'll wait for the food, and when she gives it to us, we'll leave. That's what's going to happen, understand?" Luke says nothing as Warren Zevon's cover of "Back in the High Life Again" begins playing. They both just stare forward, as there is a succession of shots of the car waiting outside the restaurant. "All the doors I closed one time / Will open up again."