By Deborah
Props to Anni-Frid, Benny, Björn and Agnetha.
Joan "I Have A Dream" Girardi is lying on Dr. "As Good As New" Dan's office couch, complaining that she saw God again this morning: "He's gonna screw my life up all over again." Dr. Dan, who, sadly, is not played by Paul Rudd or John Corbett or anybody like that, replies, "We've talked about this, Joan. These visions are hallucinatory projections." Joan insists: "No, he's real. He's back."
Cut to Joan suddenly outside, still lying on Dr. Dan's sofa, and watching a bunch of kids walking under a banner reading "Camp Gentle Acres" -- and mocking her. Cute Guy "Angeleyes" God is sitting in Dr. Dan's chair, with a big scroll listing things for Joan to do. He lets go of the scroll and it unrolls endlessly. Joan leaps off the couch and tries to outrun the list.
She runs into her kitchen, where her family is having breakfast. Her mother asks, "How's God?" Joan wonders what she's talking about. Will says pleasantly, "Dr. Dan called and told us everything." As breathless, bewildered Joan complains about violations of confidence, Kevin remarks to Luke, "Maybe God told him to!" They laugh. Helen tells them, "Now be nice, boys. Your sister's insane." Joan begs her mother to promise she won't tell anybody what the shrink said. Helen doesn't say anything. Joan hears someone say, "Psst!" She looks down to find a tiny Goth God perched on the rim of her empty cereal bowl. Goth God asks, "Are you ashamed of me, Joan?" Horrified, she flips out and sends the bowl flying off the table. It smashes on the floor. She starts to run out of the kitchen as her mother tells her to have a nice day, but Helen suddenly appears to be Mrs. LandingGod.
Joan rushes out onto the porch. Adam is standing in the foreground, facing the street. His hood's pulled up and he's smiling. Joan runs up to him and throws her arms around him from behind, sighing with relief: "I just want to be with you." Adam says, "Me, too." Only it's not Adam's voice. When he turns around, she sees it's Cute Guy God in Adam's hoodie. Neither of them speaks; Joan runs to her car and zooms off. Professor "Honey Honey" Frink: "Hey, she didn't let it warm up. That's bad for the car." Me: "Well, that's a good point, except…dream." As she drives along, she sees an old lady crossing the street at the intersection ahead. Well, not an old lady: Mrs. "Watch Out" LandingGod. She stops right in the intersection. Joan's foot hovers over the brake but then she floors it. Wow. This is twice Mrs. L's been on the wrong end of a homicidal automobile. Joan wakes up, panting and sweating. Theme song.