By DeAnn Welker | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2011
Previously: Snooki hated Mike. Sam had a talk with Deena being too clingy with her boyfriend. Mike couldn't handle being in the first relationship of his life with Paula. We open with what seems like Hawaiian music. Hey! Why didn't they ever send them to Hawaii? Anyway, Ron, Deena and Snooki are working at the Shore Store and Cranky Ron is pissed that the Meatballs' whole shift is just a big break while he works his ass off. SELLING T-SHIRTS. It's such hard work. Dan and Ron dress up and pretend they're Meatballs, then take off and leave the real Meatballs at work. Snooki just shrugs.
Back at the Shore House, Mike calls his sister and fills her in on how much Paula's changed and how he can't stand it. She agrees that he's too classy for the way Paula's acting and suggests he not go with his idea -- tell her "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" -- and instead that he tell her he liked all these things about her that she no longer seems to be. He loves his sister's advice and thinks he'd like a woman like his mom or his sister. Ew.
While Ron and Danny are Meatballing it up, a storm hits Seaside and Deena thinks it's going to be a tornado (um, is this really the episode they're airing right before their Restore the Shore fundraiser special? An episode in which these idiots freak out about some rain?). Danny predicts the Shore Store is in chaos. And he's not wrong. Deena screams and screams, until Snooki's like, "D. Relax. It's rain." How is she the voice of reason now? Maybe Lorenzo's smart enough to make her smarter.
Back at the house, Mike tells Pauly and Vinny that he's going to have to end things with Paula. Pauly agrees that he's been giving Paula lots of hints and she's not really listening. Vinny sort of respects it, but Pauly says he doesn't picture Mike with a girl like that. He pictures him with someone like his sister. Let's hope this series doesn't end with an incest romance, because I'm hearing a little too many references to Mike and his sister. Pauly says that now they need to make a "Let's Make It Unofficial" T-shirt. But Mike doesn't know how he'll tell her. Pauly thinks texting or phone, but Vinny thinks that's not right. Mike would like to break up with her in a smooth and easy way, because he'd still like to "hit it." Because, you know, he's classy.
MVP go out and talk to some girls. Vinny and Pauly are telling people that Mike's breaking up with Paula. Vinny explains that Mike's relationship has never been a real relationship so he has no problem telling people. Mike's not happy about it, since it can get back to Paula in this small town. He heads off to sit by himself and sulk. I think we're getting the old Mike back.
By DeAnn Welker | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2011
Deena and Mike go out together and she thanks him for not putting his "two centses" into her relationship. He then tells her he's breaking up with Paula. He isn't sure if she's not ready, he's not ready or it's not the right time in their lives right now. Deena suggests he just ends it and keep it how it was before. But she feels bad for Paula. Mike asks Deena what he should say, then he adds that he knows it's her fault, not his, because he's exactly the same person he's been the past three summers, except maybe a little better looking and more ripped. Yeah, say that. She just asks when he's breaking up with her, and he says possibly tomorrow.
The whole house is sitting on the lower deck at the House, talking about how cool it will be for Mike to make it through this whole summer without drinking or anything. They all are amazed and think he can make it through anything, but Pauly points out he can't make it through a relationship. They all want to be there for the breakup. Then they all head out to dinner and drinks. Mike says he'll toast the end of their time here, but not with a drink. Then he thanks them all for being supportive of this, since he's 100 days clean. Sam asks if Mike's ever going to talk to Nicole again and he says he wants to apologize. Pauly doesn't think he has anything to apologize for. And Vinny says that whenever Snooki sees Mike or him (Vinny), it brings up a past that she can't get rid of and wants nothing to do with. He explains she wants to be a good conservative mom and looking at Vinny makes her think of climbing into bed with a different guy every night. That's why she doesn't hang out with him anymore. Vinny thinks he and Nicole can be friends if Jionni decides to be friends with him. But that's about it.
When they all get home, JWOWW and Snooki are there. Mike says he's going up to the deck and Sam says they'll be up soon. But as soon as he leaves, Sam asks Snooki if Mike or Vinny will be invited to the wedding. Snooki wants Vinny to talk to Jionni because she wants him there, but not Mike. She says he doesn't even exist in her world and she doesn't want to be friends with him ever again. She says he totally embarrassed Jionni and Sam says he's done it to her, too.
Snooki, Pauly and JWOWW head to work. They think Snooki looks wasted and she says she wishes, but sometimes you just wake up and want to throw up when you're pregnant. When they get to work, Snooki calls the doctor because she has a bad pain in her side. Pauly thinks it's gas, but she knows what gas feels like. Danny actually sends Jenni and Nicole away, since Nicole's not feeling well. They go to a diner and Nicole says she feels good emotionally but not physically, because she can only sleep on her back or her side. She says she can't talk to anyone in the house except Jenni, because she doesn't want to be a buzzkill talking about the baby. But Jenni feels like they are a team, and she thinks Nicole should have a "get out of free jail card" [sic] with pregnancy. They talk more about Vinny and Mike. Nicole's not holding her breath for him to talk to her and apologize. Back at the store, Snooki is making post-pregnancy clothes, which Danny thinks are super-slutty. Uh, duh. Who doesn't dress like a slut after having a baby?
By DeAnn Welker | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2011
Jenni's filling the house in on her plan to throw Nicole a secret Shore Shower to show Nicole that everyone supports her and her pregnancy. Vinny thinks he can't go, but Jenni says he's invited. She wants him to talk to Jionni, but Vinny doesn't care about being cool with Jionni. He thinks that if Nicole really wanted Vinny to make up with Jionni, she'd tell him instead of Jenni do it. So, he's not believing it.
Deena, Sam and Jenni go to coffee to plan her pre-baby shower at Rivoli's. They plan to go to the baby store and call themselves "Team Cooka." They spend 20 minutes trying to spell hors d'oeuvres, which would be funny if it were a word that's easy to spell. But I think a lot of people have issues with that word. Jenni calls Jionni and fills him in on the shower and how it's a big secret and she needs him there. She interviews that this party is a lot of pressure for her because it's about her godson. The girls go shopping for real baby gifts, because they don't want to do the Shore Store thing. Deena and Sam get sort of excited to have their own babies someday and Deena tells us which baby toys she remembers playing with as a baby. I think she means when she's a baby.
Back at the house, Mike gets a call from Paula, who's pissed off that she's heard that Mike wants to break up with her. He says that he didn't say that, but he did say that she's not the same girl he's spent the past three summers with. He told her he'll probably come see her a little later at work. She starts crying and then he gets all nice, calling her "babe" and "sweetie." He says he's just trying to figure stuff out, just like her, and he'll see her later.
Deena and Snooki take Snooki's wheelchair for a drive together and the cops pull them over for having two people on it. Deena gets off, because she doesn't want to get arrested again. Snooki calls the cops a buzzkill. And that was our cherished deleted scene this week, I guess. Worth it to see the Meatballs being dorks together without showing their cookas.
Shore Store. Vinny, Ron and Jenni are working. They're making joke shirts for the baby and then Ron starts ranting about how Jionni's never around the baby, which makes him a big jerk. Jenni says that, just like Ron would be with Sam, Roger would be pregnant with her. Vinny stays out of this conversation, probably not wanting to cause anymore drama for him and Jionni.
Meanwhile, Snooki is taking her pet penguin -- a balloon -- named Jumanji for a walk on the boardwalk.
By DeAnn Welker | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2011
Pauly calls in a Shore Store order to Vinny to make a "Let's Make It Unofficial" T-shirt to surprise Mike with after work. Ron makes one that says "G.T.B." for Gym, Tan, Breakup with Paula. Jenni thinks the T-shirt is awful, but Vinny thinks it's hilarious to give to Mike since it was stupid of Mike to make one in the first place. Back at the house, Mike's filling the girls in on how Paula confronted him. Deena wonders if he said no or was like, "Eh." He says he was more like, "Eh." Then Deena tells him his problem was telling everyone. She thinks maybe he wanted it to get back to her. The gang comes in and shows Mike the shirts. Jenni wonders if Mike will be able to go tanning after today and he says he will because he feels they can get past this. The guys and Jenni head out for G.T.L.B. But he doesn't wear either of the T-shirts. See? Classy.
On the way to the tanning salon, there is a debate about whether to tan first or break up first. They decide tanning, because if you break up first, you might not be able to tan. Vinny says it takes a whole squad of Guido goons to help Mike break up with Paula. Pauly and Vinny aren't even tanning. They're just sitting on the waiting room couch waiting to watch the breakup. They even brought candy. And Ronnie is wearing the "G.T.B." T-shirt, by the way. Mike comes out of tanning and is at a loss for what to say. Paula apologizes for being too emotional and Mike says it's okay and he cares about her. Pauly tells Vinny if this doesn't get more interesting, he wants his money back. So, Mike does actually break up with her -- he tells her that he thinks they should go back to how things were before -- then they kiss and everything is okay. Pauly totally wants his money back. Ron says this is nothing like him and Sam, because all Paula and Mike did was kiss the whole time. When they leave, the guys are like, "I've never seen someone break up and make out so much." Mike: "I'm very good at speaking with people." When Jenni joins them, she asks what she missed and Ron's like, "Nothing good. They hugged. They kissed. Said, 'I'll see you tonight.' " Pauly says he did dump her though. Jenni says it was the corniest, easiest breakup ever. They all high-five about it being MVP again. And that's the end.
week: Baby shower! And Angelina!
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, was actually impressed at Mike's breakup. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.
By DeAnn Welker | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.15.2011
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