In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Wow. I'm so satisfied, I think I need a cigarette. And I don't even smoke! Of course, I'd be far happier if the show was coming back, but as series finales go, this one was simply kissable. Imagine -- they didn't even feel the need to murder off a beloved character. Did you hear that, Enterprise?
Jake and Hawkins arrive in Cheyenne and immediately make contact with a disillusioned Gray and a helpful but doomed Cheung. With Cheung's help, Jake and Hawkins intercept the bomb, but run afoul of the fully bodied voice of John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith. By the time Jake rescues Hawkins and secures the bomb, Cheung is bullet-fodder, Smith has run off, and Hawkins is disturbingly wounded and bleeding. With fanfare of Awesome, Jake busts through the gates of the Texas Embassy, where they get asylum from Ambassador Dr. Phil, as well as access to a plane to get the bomb to Texas. Jake finally gets to show off his storied flying skills in a flimsy Cessna, but trouble shows up in the form of Cheyenne fighter jets. Thank god a couple of Texas Air National Guard flyers show up to both clean up their Bush-smirched reputation and rescue Jake awesomely. In Texas, Hawkins gets his much-needed medical attention and Chavez takes the bomb to some engineers.
Back in Jericho, Eric attempts to talk to Constantino about dealing with the military presence but is scared off by how evil he is. Beck is near tears when he confronts Heather about her betrayal with the radiation survey binder and finally throws her in jail. Stanley insists on burying Bonnie properly, and Mimi pleads with the military police to leave them alone until they pay their respects.
Being left alone with Hawkins' bag of tricks and reluctant to carry out his orders to visit some Phase Three vengeance on Jericho, Beck uncovers everything we already know about J&R and the September attacks. Finally resolved to keep doing the right thing as best he knows how, Beck tells Stanley and the other Rangers that they can take their time burying Bonnie because as far as he's concerned, they're free to go. After going rogue on his superiors, Beck springs Heather from jail and also makes sure that his men also know the truth about J&R and the September attacks. Instead of taking him into custody, all his men rip off their curiously Velcro-ish ASA patches and join him.
We're left with the comfortable feeling that everyone in Jericho is going to be all right, but the fight for the country has just begun. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Well, my friends, we're at an end, and as sad as I am not to have this show to poke fun at, I don't think we could have asked for a better second season or a more satisfying wrap up to this final episode.
Happy Hunting Hut. Jake and Hawkins pack and load up for Cheyenne. There's a large outlay of filled plastic water bottles lined up on the table. Hey, if they say it's Sierra Springs water, they might get five more seasons from the USA Network. They talk about how they're going to get through checkpoints with the help of one of Mary's runners and also about where they'll be able to stay in Cheyenne. Hawkins acknowledges that he has a lead on Cheung's location, but they're going to need more immediate help. Hawkins reminds Jake that when they get to Cheyenne, "this mission is everything." Jake gets it. Hawkins doesn't think he does, because he commands his attention when he says, "No, no, see -- I gotta be sure. I'm asking for your help, but I can't afford for you to go off-book out there, and I don't have any room for debates, so if you got any questions, now's the time." Well, in that case, Jake does have a question: "How are we going to find the bomb." Hawkins shakes his head, shruggingly, "No idea. Anything else?" HA! Hawkins is not one to let a lost nuclear bomb get in the way of finding that nuclear bomb. Why? Because he's of the Awesome. Jake snorts a laugh and they leave.
Via the office television, one of Beck's superiors gets all mad at him for the level of insurgent activity in Jericho and orders him to begin Phase Three. Beck balks at this and says he believes Jericho is still salvageable without going that far. "Two prisoners escaped your custody yesterday. You've lost three supply convoys through raiding parties in the past week -- the time for restraint is past. You have your orders: this insurrection must end." Two prisoners? Who other than Jake got rescued last week?
Federal District of Cheyenne. In an elevator that has one of those electronic ad panels boasting about the ASA Constitutional Convention, which is probably bugged, Gray and another delegate bitch about the convention. Apparently, they just got rid of the Second Amendment. Sheesh! No wonder Texas felt the need to get involved. Don't mess with Texas and their right to bear arms or you'll get blown right out of the sky! Gray muses, "It's a lot easier to pacify a country when its citizens can't shoot back." He doesn't appear to be disagreeing. The other delegate, who is quite young and excitable by comparison, says he's sick of people telling him he worries too much, "This is the Constitution we're talking about -- not a stereo manual!" Gray mutters tiredly that they just have to keep raising their voices.
Gray enters his hotel room and jumps when Hawkins says languidly, "Hey, Mr. Mayor" from the corner. Jake walks over to shake Gray's hand and asks how he is. "You mean aside from the embolism you just gave me?" Gray demands, shaking Jake's hand. No one has regular heart attacks any more. It's always "embolism" this and "cardiac infarction" that. As Hawkins swigs a bottle of water -- so nice of them to bring their own to save Gray from the $3.00 per bottle charge -- Jake offers to take a walk with him to explain things. Jake looks out the hotel window and notes, "It didn't take them long, did it?" "For what?" Gray dumbs. "For J and R to build their own private country," Jake says, as we pan out to a capitol building being constructed right to J&R's smooth, black, and evil edifice.
Tonight's Morse code message is, "SNIFF!"
Walking near Cheyenne's oddly Californian cupola, Gray digests all that Jake has been telling him about Jericho. He sighs that he should have been there and is wasting his time at the sham convention. I like how, while Gray is playing the suited delegate in Cheyenne, his tie is loosened to show that his heart isn't in it. It's a nice touch. "And when it's done," Gray adds, "I don't think there's anything that this government is not going to have the power to do in the name of national security." They're speeding up ratification, too, Gray explains, to coincide with Texas joining the ASA. Gray says Cheyenne's painted Texas into a corner and has also been very convincing about their cause. Finally, Gray asks Jake why he's there. Jake sidesteps this and just tells Gray he needs to go home and stand up for Jericho. The town needs an advocate that's not a fugitive. "They need you back," Jake tells him firmly.
J&R HQ. Okay, we're never going to see Trish again, so here's where I get to announce that one of the writers, Steve Scaia, sent me a really nice email, and in it he told me that they tried to get Trish's last name be "Keckler." It didn't go through, though, probably because there's already a Trish Keckler in Kansas. Hee. I think Scaia and Federman can join Team Awesome, don't you? An Asian guy -- it's gotta be Cheung given that there's been no other Asians on this show -- picks up a coded message coming through the fax. Cheung puts on his serious face.
In the scene, Hawkins is answering a knock at Gray's hotel room door. Cheung walks in, thrusting the coded message at Hawkins, and saying, "You spelled Cheyenne wrong," by way of a greeting. Because I simply refuse to believe any fallibility in Hawkins, I've decided that he purposely misspelled "Cheyenne" in protest. He'd be all undermining, like, "What's the name of your fake federal capitol again? Chynna?" "No, Cheyenne." "Whatever." Cheung tells Hawkins that he's been spying on J&R's secure transmissions and has already heard the tittle-tattle that the last nuke is now in Cheyenne, he asks Hawkins if he wants to explain that. Hawkins really doesn't and says that a lot has gone down in the past few months, "I'll try and fill you in." Jake walks into the hotel room, causing Cheung to reflex for his gun. Hawkins throws Cheung a simmer down hand, as Jake looks from one to the other. "Start with that," Cheung comments, referring to Jake. Cheung's snarky!
Mary tearfully fills the Rangers in on what Phase 3 means for Jericho. Entire sections of Jericho, neighborhoods, will be declared centers of resistance and anyone caught inside of them will be considered insurgents. Oh, and Beck and his men will start shooting at people. Eric rubs his eyes. Hey, Russell's in the background! He must be the other prisoner they rescued? Did we know that last week? They all wring their hands a bit before Russell suggests that since New Bern went through this weeks ago, they should learn from Constantino how to fight it. "No chance in hell," Eric decides, but Russell points out that they can't afford to be picky. Eric drops his head. "Eric, are you kidding?" Stanley asks, sensing a weakening. "What am I supposed to say?" Eric asks. Stanley stands up and says that Eric has to say no. That he's not interested in "shaking hands with an animal like Phil Constantino." "Say something!" Stanley orders. When Eric doesn't, Stanley shakes his head and says he's done with this. He starts to leave. Stanley is ALWAYS walking out in protest on these things! Emily calls out, "Stanley!" Stanley ignores her and yells at everyone that Bonnie has been dead for four days, and her body is still sitting in a drawer in the morgue because he's hiding out in "some garage." Stanley starts storming out again, telling Eric that he's going to bury his sister. Mimi quickly follows and puts herself in Stanley's path to stop him. They stare at each other. Stanley says, "I need to do this." Mimi nods and leads the way out. Eric sends Bill, Jimmy, and a gun-slung Emily after Stanley to help him out. After they're gone, Eric looks at Russell and says, "Set up the meeting."
Beck stares out of his Weight of the World Window. Escorted by a soldier, Heather enters the office. "Sit down," Beck orders. Beck, dude, that's no way to get her into bed! Always spunky, Heather spits back, "I'd rather not. Can we make this quick? I have to move out of my house by eleven tomorrow. Someone declared my street a center of resistance." Not even hearing her over his glare, Beck shouts, "Why'd you do it?" Heather plays dumb. Beck knows about the bomb. He knows she ripped the page out of the binder that would have detected its location. Close to tears, Beck goes on about how he trusted and stood up for her. Heather softly interrupts that he's right, she took the page because Hawkins told her the people Beck is working for are wrong and she believes him. Beck's chest is heaving with unshed tears as he strikes back that he could have her imprisoned, even executed. Heather angrily tells Beck, "He said this government is corrupt and illegitimate. That it lied about who attacked us so it could seize power." Beck chokes out, "You're naïve!" and turns away. "And you're a coward!" Heather retorts. Duuuuude! Beck whips back to her. Heather gets in his face and says that he knows there's something wrong with the ASA but he refuses to open his eyes and see it. "My eyes are open!" Beck yells back. "No, they aren't!" Heather wails. Oh my god, just KISS already! Heather tells him everyone in Jericho is suffering because of his blindness. Beck yells for his lieutenant and orders Heather under arrest. Heather's pleading eyes harden into a glare. The lieutenant takes her away. Beck is all quivery.
Cheung works some of his J&R magic on a laptop and determines that as soon as They inspect the bomb, They'll move it to a disposal facility outside of town. Hawkins notes it would be easier for the three of them to get the bomb when it's on the road. Cheung reports that no transport has been ordered or logged. Jake rolls his eyes at this and sits back down on a bed. "You know what?" Hawkins says, his mind working faster than Jake's impatience, "There wouldn't be. Security draws attention. So, less security, less attention. We need some place off the books." Cheung has been nodding through all this. Jake offers, "In Afghanistan there were a few supply routes that would get really nasty. They would shoot at anything with a J&R logo --" Hawkins flicks his eyes to give Jake a hard look, as though seeing him for the first time. " -- so we started making our runs in ambulances," Jake concludes. Hawkins tells Cheung to check the local hospitals. Cheung does and announces that St. Francis hospital has reported a gas leak and is closing all their doors. Jake sort of gives himself a bent-elbowed, "Yeah!" and gets up to grab his stuff.
Jake, Hawkins, and Cheung case the hospital. They watch an EMT closely. Hawkins notes a gun at stuck ostentatiously in guy's waistband (you'd think J&R could have sprung for an actual holster) and asks, "How many paramedics carry a nine-millimeter?" I don't know about paramedics, but doctors like Kenchy should. Just after Hawkins says, "It sure looks like they're expecting someone," an ambulance pulls into the gates and the paramedic runs after it. They get ready to go but Cheung announces, "Not him!" Jake's all, "What?" "Sorry Jake, I don't know you," he cocks his gun, "I don't trust you." Jake tries to get all protesty, but Hawkins holds him off and tells him to keep the engine running. Seriously, all bomb robberies need a wheelman, Jake! You're a very important part of the team, good buddy! Hawkins reminds Jake that if something goes wrong, they're going to need a way out. Jake doesn't say anything and looks away, so Hawkins says, "Jake?!" Jake looks him in the eye and says, "Yeah." Hawkins nods and gets out of the car.
In the hospital driveway, a few guys fuss with the ambulance and bomb. One of the guys suddenly hunches over and retches in pain. The camera follows his torso down to show us Hawkins' arm wrapped around the guy's gut. This is where I thought, "Oh my god -- Hawkins is SO awesome, he can kill with a firm embrace!" I mean everyone knows that kisses can kill, but hugs, hugs are harder. But then in the cut, we see Hawkins pulling a dagger out of the guy's gut. And I was all ready to call this the Hawkins Death Hug, too. A fight ensues and Cheung takes a guy out with a silenced gun -- we haven't had many silenced guns in this show -- and disarms a few others. One of the guys Hawkins was dealing with makes the unwise decision to fight back and ends up getting his neck spin-snapped for his trouble. Cheung and Hawkins confirm that they're both okay, but one of the disarmed guys reaches into the ambulance and pulls out a gun and shoots Cheung dead. He shoots Hawkins in the left side and then turns and shots the remaining Non-EMT. Um, okay, what's that about? Hawkins sort of writhes on the pavement as this guys walks up to him and says, "Hello, Hawkins." DUDE! IT'S JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SMITH! I love that I'm totally dumb where this show is concerned! I love that I can't predict it!
Hawkins pants that he didn't think Smith did his own dirty work. "I wasn't supposed to. I'd hoped you were going to help me. Now, I need that bomb," Smith says and goes to deliver final, fatal shots to Hawkins. Hawkins puts a hand up. You know he could have stopped the bullets with his palm. Shots ring out and Smith is hit in the shoulder and arm. Jake comes running in, shooting and yelling for Hawkins. Smith stumbles off, wounded. Jake quickly checks Hawkins and then takes a few more steps after Smith, squeezing off more wild shots. Hawkins calls Jake back and just says, "The ambulance. The ambulance." Saying consolingly, "I got you, I got you!" Jake helps Hawkins up and into the ambulance before driving off. Jake reloads as he steers and in the back, Hawkins shoves some cotton packing into his wound. The blood rushes out. If they kill Hawkins, I swear to God, I will CANCEL this show! Jake calls back, "How bad is it?" "I've had worse!" Hawkins calls back. Of course he has. Hawkins tells Jake to just keep driving while he thinks.
City Hall. Beck sits at his desk and broods. Beck's beleaguered lieutenant comes in for Beck's signature on the stuff they got from Hawkins' abandoned car. As soon as the soldier says, "Laptop," Beck perks up and says he wants to see the evidence before it goes to Camp Liberty. "Sir, it's cataloged and sealed," the soldier says, hesitantly. "Then I'll unseal it," Beck says. The soldier leaves to carry out the orders. After slitting the box open, Beck takes out the laptop and opens it. The screen wakes up and Beck is hit full on with the Continuity of Government Report. Beck pages through the report, sees the map of target cities and the casualty reports. Beck's eyes then travel to the corner of the screen where he sees the Jennings & Rall logo. He keeps reading.
Mathra: "I can't believe Hawkins didn't have a password prompt for his computer!"
Me: "Ah, Hawkins has outsmarted even you! See, he was ready for his computer to fall into Beck's hands. He made sure he had his Firefox tabs ready with all the evidence Beck would need to convince him of J & R's evilness!"
Jake continues to drive and he yells back at Hawkins that they have to get off the street, "We're not going to make it to Texas like this!" Hawkins painfully pulls out his cell and says, "Yes, we will! Yes, we will!" Of COURSE they will. Meanwhile, if Jake doesn't want to draw attention to them, maybe he should stop driving in a way that makes the tires squeal. It's sort of obvious. Hawkins does a map thing on his phone and tells Jake to drive for another ten blocks. "Why?" Jake asks, looking back at Hawkins. "You just DO IT, Jake!" Hawkins yells and calls up Chavez. "I gonna need a favor and I'm gonna need it fast!" Hawkins tells him.
Back in Jericho, Eric and Constantino meet. Hey, Lassie! My god, people, Psych better be on this summer. Connie says hi to Eric, but Eric just nods silently. He makes a big show of handing off his rifle to one of his posse, but when he walks up to Connie, we see he has a gun in his back waistband. Mad Eye Moody wouldn't approve of that at all, Eric. Connie says, "Strange meeting. I would have figgerd you and I ever got this close again, it'd be at the end of a gun." Connie went to Eric's wedding. (I just need to throw that out every once in awhile to remind people.) Eric confides in Connie that a few weeks ago, he was on his way to New Bern to kill him. "What stopped you?" Connie asks. "Beck," Eric tells him with the ghost of a smile. "Interesting," Connie observes and asks if it's still something Eric wants to do. "Every day," Eric reassures him. Connie appreciates the honesty before launching into his plan for dealing with Beck. Mostly, Connie wants a whole lotta killin' going on.
Back in Cheyenne, Jake is yelling that he needs to know where they're going. Hawkins heaves himself halfway into the front set. "That way," he says, directly in front of him. "They're not gonna just open the gates for us!" Jake bellows. "Straight in there," Hawkins tells him. Jake tells Hawkins to hang on and he plows though some wrought iron gates. This doesn't look like the private airfield I was imagining. A bunch of armed soldiers run up and take aim. Jake throws his hands up. The soldiers swarm and one of them goes to open Jake's door. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" Jake bellows, getting out. They yank Jake to the ground and he tells them, "We need help! We need HELP!" Jake tries to tell them that his friend has been hurt. "Sir, this is a Texas Embassy," a soldier tells him. Oh, DUDE! OH, DUDE! "My friend's been shot," Jake tries again. "This isn't a hospital, this is sovereign Texas soil!" the soldier announces. Jake catches sight of a plaque on the building reading "Embassy of the Independent Republic of Texas." Niiiice!
After the commercial, the soldiers help Hawkins out of the back of the ambulance, but they still have their guns pulled. One of them comes around the side and yells, "ONTHEGROUNDNOW!" with a Withnail & I "GETINTHEBACKOFTHEVAN!" delivery. Hawkins pants that they're seeking political asylum. Meanwhile, a bunch of Humvees siren up to the embassy's gates, and a solider radios to the screaming guy that Cheyenne military is claiming a terrorist has entered the embassy. They want him turned over to them. The screaming guy tells the gatekeeper to stand by. Ambassador Dr. Phil walks out of the embassy, ordering his men to close the gates and to radio down that if Cheyenne tries to breach it will be an act of war. YEAH, IT WILL! Ambassador Dr. Phil introduces himself as "Ambassador Sam Travis" to Jake and shakes his hand, commenting he has important friends. He just got a call from the Texas governor in San Antonio telling him to accept their asylum. Jake hastens to Hawkins' side. Ambassador Dr. Phil orders a medic for Hawkins immediately. "Sir," one of the soldiers says, nodding at the exposed bomb in the back of the ambulance. Ambassador Dr. Phil walks over to the ambulance and pauses a moment before saying, "Yeah, I know -- let's get in inside."
Back in Jericho, Mimi dusts off gravestones on the Richmond family plot while Stanley, Jimmy, Emily, and Bill dig a grave. Mary and Eric walk up to join them, saying they came to help. Stanley glances back at Eric but keeps on digging. Eric tells Stanley he was right about Constantino. He adds, "There's something he lost that I don't ever want to give up." Eric goes on that Jericho is right and Cheyenne is wrong, but the moment they start killing American soldiers, all that changes. Jimmy ponders the wisdom of this. Either that or he's looking for the fiber in a box of cereal. Eric says they can't stop Beck from shooting at them, but he knows that it's not what Beck really wants either. However, if Beck does make that decision, Eric won't make it easy for him. "So, I'm going to be standing on this hill in the open with my friends, doing something I know is right," Eric finishes. How did they get Bonnie's body? Maybe Kenchy helped them. Jimmy points out at the road. A Humvee is driving up.
A medic tends to Hawkins' wound, saying, "This is about all I can do from here." She says they need to get him to an ER, but Hawkins refuses and when Jake protests the refusal, Hawkins asks the medic to please excuse them. After she's gone, Hawkins turns to Jake and reminds him that he's not important, "What is, is getting that bomb to Texas with no detours. Now, you tell me that you understand what it is that we're in the middle of right --" Jake interrupts that he understands and tries to argue, but Hawkins keeps going, "It's important, like, whatever happens in the few hours could determine the course of things for years to come -- you know, maybe our history for the hundred years. That is the responsibility we got here. And if that comes at a terrible cost, then so be it, because that's the only way that things get better, and it's the only way that people stay free." Jake turns to the window, discontented. Hawkins buttons up his shirt and says, "It's why I do what I do." Hawkins has never really talked about that before. Jake nods silently.
Jericho. Mimi walks down the hill to meet the soldier who has just radioed back to Beck to say he's found Stanley and a group of Rangers. The solider tells Beck he'll bring them in and then tells Mimi he has to clear the area. Mimi pleads with him, "Please, my fiancé is burying his sister up there. He's waited four days to do this, just please let him finish." The soldier says they have orders to apprehend him now. He walks forward. Mimi holds him off, calling him by his name and even recognizing his rank as corporal, and saying that the soldiers have Stanley. She shrugs that she and the Rangers have nowhere to run. "Just let him put his sister in the ground," Mimi continues, "It costs you nothing." Corporal Adams looks up at the family plot. "Do you have sister? Or a girlfriend? A wife?" Mimi whispers, "Please." Cpl. Adams tells her they have thirty minutes and after that, they're coming with them, "So say your goodbyes." Mimi walks back up to the family plot. Cpl. Adams stares after her.
His tie now completely gone, Gray walks around the trashed town square in complete bewilderment and sadness. Wouldn't the army have cleaned up by now? Aren't they anal about stuff like that? Gray walks up to City Hall. A soldier asks him for I.D. "Excuse me?" Gray asks. "Who are you, sir?" the soldier asks. "I'm Gray Anderson," Gray says, looking around, "I'm the mayor of this town." Up in his office -- also trashed -- Gray find the framed Gadsden flag. The glass has been smashed. Along with the hearts of the fans! Gray looks up with resolve, tears in his eyes.
Texas Embassy. Ambassador Dr. Phil talks about getting them out without Cheyenne being the wiser. Jake helps Hawkins up, and they follow Ambassador Dr. Phil. "The bomb's ready in a car with diplomatic plates -- should get you through the airport. The plane's in hangar twenty-two -- " Hawkins suddenly collapses to the floor. Ambassador Dr. Phil helps Jake steady him and notes, "I always had a bad feeling about President Tomarchio, I'm glad someone's finally going to show the world what he's really about." Hawkins pants and sweats out, "Well, that's the plan."
Airport. Lots of planes mill around. Aw, yeah! It's all going to come down to Jake's fancy flying, isn't it? I hope he does a 4G inverted dive and flips the bird! Jake fiddles with some switches in a jet and jumps out to get Hawkins. He opens the door of the car and tells Hawkins it's time to get out of there. Hawkins protests that it won't take Them long to find Jake in that plane, so he needs to be the one to create a diversion. Jake says, "You don't stand a chance if you stay here on your own!" "And it doesn't matter because the mission is everything -- I told you!" Hawkins pants, nearly passing out. "No, it isn't!" Jake says, yanking Hawkins by the arm and dragging him out of the car. Hawkins gives a yelp but can't really resist. "Aw, dammit, Jake! I am not debating this!" Hawkins complains. "Yeah, I'm not debating this, either," Jake retorts, "I'm ignoring you." They're like an old married couple bickering about going out to dinner. Jake gets them in the plane just as Humvees storm up, all pissed off. Jake takes off before the soldiers can take a shot at them.
Jericho. Stanley and the boys are just covering Bonnie's casket when Beck drives up the hill and gets out. He tells his men to wait there and walks right up to Stanley. He respectfully takes off his helmet and crosses himself before saying, "I'm sorry for your loss." Confused and guarded, Stanley thanks him. "You're all free to go," Beck adds and walks back down the hill. Eric calls him back to ask what the deal is. Beck explains that twenty minutes ago, he informed his company commanders that he'd no longer be taking orders from the Cheyenne leadership. He believes the government is corrupt at its core, "Its actions are criminal, and I no longer recognize their right to lead." He IS a good man! Eric asks what happens . Beck says he'll probably be charged and sent to Cheyenne to face a court-martial for treason. Yikes. "But until then, I'm still in charge, so you take your time," Beck finishes, "And then go home." Relieved, Mimi folds herself into Stanley.
Jake flies and his mappy thing shows him how close they are to the Texas border. It looks far. Hawkins is sort of fainting in a seat in the passenger section. He doesn't look like he has his seat belt on. Oh, shit -- is Hawkins Jake's Goose? Jake switches to his radar and registers two blips. Goddammit, where is their cloaking device?! He gets a radio call. "Unidentified Cessna heading zero-eight-six, identify!" I KNEW it was a Cessna! They're always Cessnas on these shows, and I only know about Cessnas from the Sweet Valley High book when Enid flies in one with her boyfriend George and they crash and Enid is all paralyzed but it's actually just a psychological paralysis, which they force Enid to discover when Elizabeth makes a kid fake that he's drowning in the Wakefield's pool. Two jets swan up to Jake's tail and the radio command is repeated. Jake radios back that he reads them. The ASA jets say they have orders to escort him back to Cheyenne. Jake goes back to his mappy things and mutters to himself. The jets order him to confirm the last transmission. Jake radios back that he is a Texas diplomatic flight en route to San Antonio. The jets tell Jake, "Either put down or we will put you down. You have thirty seconds to comply."
After the commercial, Jake is still trying to buy time by saying they are a consular flight, flying the flag of a sovereign nation. The jets warn that he's had his last warning, and they will put him in the dirt if they have to. Jake frantically switches to his mappy thing. He doesn't look any closer to Texas. The fighters line up on either side of him. "Time's up," the radio tells him, "We're going weapons hot to engage. Out." The jets peel off. "Wait a minute!" Jake calls to them. Jake's plane sounds the alarm of a weapons lock. And I know this because I have owned Top Gun on VHS since I was fifteen. Jake seems to be muttering, "Come on, come on!" to himself. Looking at the radar, he sees two more blips coming right at him. He scans the blue desperately as the weapons lock sounds a long tone of death. Suddenly, two missiles stream out of the burning blue and head for the ASA fighters. One hits home and a jet explodes mightily. The other heat-seeking missile finally finds its true love and the other jet explodes. Two different fighters fly at Jake and crisscross over his bow. Jake actually ducks in the cockpit. The two jets set up flying as escorts, and one radios, "Jake Green, this is Colonel Thompson, Texas Air National Guard." Jake breathes a sigh of relief. And thus, the Bush-smirched rep of the TANG is heroically purged of all taint. Col. Thompson says he has direct orders from the Texas Gov to make sure they arrive safely. "Son, I don't know what you're carrying, but whatever it is, it better be good because I think I just declared war on Cheyenne." YEAH YOU DID! Jake heaves another sigh and flies on. Jake? I think you can start that flight school now.
Jericho. The group stands silent over Bonnie's grave in the dying sunlight. Finally, Stanley blows a kiss and walks away. Mary tosses down some flowers. Emily does something weird with her hands that might be sign language. Everyone leaves. Mimi, still standing there, calls Stanley back to her side. He walks up, "What is it?" "I thought I lost you," Mimi says. Stanley shakes his head that there's no way she could ever lose him. Mimi says when the soldiers were coming for him, she was thinking to herself that she was going to lose him without him ever knowing what he meant to her. "Well, I'm here now," Stanley says. "You are everything to me," Mimi tells him, "I want to walk down this hill and make a home with you." She chokes up. "I want to make a life with you, through anything and everything, from this day forward for the rest of my life," Mimi promises. "Wow," Stanley says, "That sounded a lot like a --" "It was," Mimi tells him. "Well, what do I say?" Stanley says, some of his old lunkheadishness coming back. "Just say 'I do,'" Mimi counsels. "I do," Stanley says, nodding and smoothing her hair back. They kiss.
Outside his office, Beck drinks something dark and strong. Inside his office, Beck's soldiers look over the laptop information he gave them. He's letting them reach their own conclusions. Heather walks in, tentatively twisting her fingers around. She perches on a desk to him, but he can't really look at her. He explains that he gave the orders for her release without condition. "You don't need to be here," he tells her. "I know," Heather says, confidently. Beck looks up at her and sees the faint smile on her face. He looks over at his office and at his soldiers. Heather asks what's going on in there. "They're trying to decide what to do about me. I gave them Hawkins' laptop -- let them see the evidence for themselves." Beck pauses and adds, "You were right. About everything." He's so disenchanted. Heather looks like she wants to say something. "Thanks for not giving up on me," Beck says. Heather nods, without saying what she wanted to say. Beck slightly toasts her with his glass and drinks more. Aw, that was such a nice moment for them. The soldiers come out of Beck's office. Beck steels himself, setting his glass down and getting to his feet. Steadily staring a taller subordinate right in the eyes, Beck waits. The subordinate looks all fierce and angry before he reaches over and pulls his Velcroed ASA flag off his uniform. Deliberately, the solider slams the flag on the desk -- as much as one can slam a piece of fabric -- and says, "Sir --" He stands at attention. "Your orders." All the other soldiers are also standing at attention. Waiting. Beck squares his shoulders and nods. He looks down the line and says, "Pass the word to your men, tell them there's a fight on its way." The soldiers all salute Beck, who nods back. The soldiers file out, each ripping off the Velcro flag and slamming it on the desk. Heather watches all this and laughs in surprised relief and joy. Beck looks proudly after them.
Outside, Gray's still in the doldrums. He sits on the steps of City Hall. The ASA flag is on the ground. Looking up, he sees Eric and Stanley and the rest of the group walking toward him. He gets up and smiles back at Eric, "I thought I told you to stay out of trouble when I was gone!" He shakes Eric's hand. Eric asks how the convention was. "Terrifying," Gray says, "The government we find ourselves living under is in dire need of replacement." Eric looks up at the sky and notes, "Well, that oughta make our feelings pretty clear about it." Gray feigns some rather adorable innocence, "Oh, oh, that?" We look up. The Gadsden flag is flying. "Yeah, I just thought it's been a little too long since Johnston Green's had anything to say about the way things are going around here. Now seemed like a good time for him to be heard." Eric looks back at Gray and nods quietly.
Texas. In one of those impossibly clean hangars with the shiny floors where no oil drips ever, Hawkins is wheeled out on a stretcher. Does Hawkins need a blood transfusion? Because I'm pretty sure his blood type is Type A for Awesome. Jake walks at his side and clasps his hand. "We made it," Jake tells him. Hawkins is loaded in an ambulance, and Jake turns to Chavez to ask, "What now?" Chavez says they have a team of engineers waiting for the bomb. "Once they inspect it, things in this country are going to change pretty fast. Cheyenne's cover-up will be exposed. Texas sides with Columbus, throws its weight behind them, and then the main event." "The American civil war," Jake realizes. "Thanks to you and Hawkins, it looks like the good guys are going to have a fighting chance," Chavez says. Jake puts out his hand and thanks Chavez before getting into the ambulance with Hawkins. The doors close behind them. We see Jake holding Hawkins' hand. Soldiers load the bomb in a truck to the ambulance. It's a nice paralleling shot. Hawkins removes his oxygen masks and whispers, "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like crap." Jake laughs. Hawkins laughs, then spasms in pain. Jake grips his shoulder. Yeah, Hawkins, dude, stop with the jokes until you're no longer bleeding to death. "I think we started a war today," Jake observes. Hawkins makes a "that's as may be" face, so Jake says, "Let me guess -- not your first?" Hawkins smiles and whispers that the war was coming with or without them, "I just hope we did enough to make it a fair fight." "Yeah," Jake whispers. They grab hands again and Hawkins asks, "How does it feel?" "What?" Jake asks. "Making history." Jake half-laughs with one of the sweetest shout-outs to fandom ever. Hawkins turns back on his stretcher. Jake firm his lips and looks into a peanutless distance.
My prediction: Civil War II ends, and Jake is elected president with Eric as his Vice President, because, come on, it's Eric, and Heather is First Lady. Jake appoints Hawkins as his Chief of Staff, which is a historical event as it's the first item the Chief of Staff has a license to kill. Beck becomes the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Stanley the Secretary of Agriculture, Mimi the Secretary of the Treasury, Emily the Secretary of Education, Frodale the Secretary of Commerce. Allison joins the FBI, and Jimmy and Bill become Secret Service Agents until Jimmy shoots off Bill's toe, after which they end up giving humorous tours of the White House and are very happy. Valente stars in Murder One reruns, Gray stays Mayor of Jericho, Constantino becomes a detective in the Santa Barbara Police Department, and Trish writes recaps for Television Without Pity.
week: Previews? Come on, PREVIEWS?! Sigh.
Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic is a writer/editor in San Francisco. You can find other examples of her writing at The Grub Report and Bay Area Bites. Two of her biggest achievements to date are that she made a bread Jacques Pépin didn't hate while working on More Fast Food My Way, and that she survived Enterprise and Jennifer Love Hewitt's breastages.