Episode Report Card Keckler: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Guns Are Easy
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.01.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Soon after the Jake and Hawkins away team returns bloodied and battered from New Bern, a weirdly silent messenger arrives to drama queen a delivery of a Motorola-placed walkie-talkie from Connie. It is from this walkie-talkie that Connie proceeds to issue orders to Jericho about what farms they will be giving up to New Bern. Or Else. The "Or Else" comes in the form of mortars raining down on Jericho, destroying pavement, cars, and people. Connie gives them another hour to think about his deal -- which includes control of the Richmond farm -- and Gray sends Stanley and some rangers off to scout the New Bern army. Dad shows up and bellows that he should have gone with the rangers and, spouting military tactics that sound pretty good, strongly objects to Gray's plan of Stanley and his team taking the mortar truck out when they find it. Gray ignores him, and a stunned and blood-smeared Stanley returns to town to report that most of his team was killed. It's at this point that Gray completely loses all confidence and wants to surrender the town to Connie. Meanwhile, Frodale gets greedier, Dad takes him to task for it, and the Hawkins family reunites.
Later on, Hawkins, Eric, and Emily kick into action and try to nick a New Bern supply truck. Unfortunately for them, another band of robbers had the same idea and, just like that, Jonah Prowse is back. Since Jonah can supply men, weapons, maps of New Bern's movements, and other useful aid, Eric, Hawkins, and Dad strike a deal to split the spoils fifty-fifty. Meanwhile, Eric, Jimmy, and Stanley have the unsavory task of preventing Gray from flapping the white flag at Connie, which culminates in a Reservoir Dogs scene of everyone pointing guns and shouting. Gray, bolstered by some ego-stroking of what a good bullshi-- I mean, businessman -- he is, tries to buy some time from Connie by proposing all sorts of other deals. Connie eventually tires of Gray and hangs up on him. However, Gray did something good for once, and Eric, Hawkins, Dad, and Jonah managed to take out the New Bern army. It's a serious bloodbath, during which a Jericho redshirt bites it and -- after the battle is won and the guns silenced -- Jonah shoots a New Bern wounded man. Just to watch him die. He sickens everyone, including his daughter, and then reneges on his deal with Jericho and takes all the food, water, gas, and weaponry, explaining, "I'm a thief." Jake frets about the loss of guns, but Hawkins awesomely assures him, "Guns are easy," and shows him his storage space that contains more guns than a St. Valentines Day massacre.
Connie hears about New Bern's loss and walkie-talkies Gray to tell him -- and I quote -- "This means war." Gray, finally coming to his senses, tells Mayor Dad he needs his help for the coming battle. They shake on it, and next thing we know, Mayor Dad is perched on a flat-bed, orating about fighting, not for land, but for their very existence. Then, all choked up, Jake gets up and offers to arm every "able-bodied person" who is sixteen or over. They hand out guns, and the only chick we see stepping up to defend her town, aside from Emily, is Allison. It's a pretty dark but seriously good episode. I can't believe next week is the season finale. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
After the New Bern away team returns to Jericho, Stanley and his posse keep watch on one of the roads into town. All they see in the dark Midwestern night is a single distant light, and it's coming closer. Okay, is this the Paul Revere reference? Are we actually looking at the belfry arch of Old North Church? Why won't they explain that to me?! It's driving me mad.
Elsewhere, Jake, Hawkins, and Eric drop in on Gray to tell them they are in for a world of trouble.
Out on the prairie, the light keeps approaching, and it is just a single person carrying a lantern. His gun leveled, Stanley orders the lantern-bearer to stop. No dice. Finally, the lantern-bearer raises its head to reveal...a young boy. It's Heather! That's the deep dark secret New Bern's been hiding: sexual reassignment surgery! I should have guessed it from all those phallic mortars just dying to explode. Staring Stanley down, the kid doesn't say anything
Back in Gray's office, Jake recounts, "I think we killed, uh, six? In New Bern." "Eight," Hawkins speaks up from the doorway. "I counted eight." Trust Hawkins. He knows from body counts. You can probably check the notches on his belt if you doubt it. Jake tosses Hawkins a quietly disgusted look. Stanley arrives with the silent kid, who simply sets a Motorola walkie-talkie on Gray's desk and switches it on. Connie's curly-bearded voice crackles through, confirming he's talking to Gray, and then he adds, "Henry? You can come home now, son." Henry leaves as silently as he came. What a weird kid. His voice heavy with "shame on you," Connie announces that they are still cleaning up the blood of their eight downed deputies and have decided that they "need" seven of Jericho's farms, including Stanley's. Also, they "need" half the salt mine. Connie gives Gray four hours to respond. Stuttering, Gray admits that he doesn't understand what's going on. Connie explains, "Jericho is about to be invaded. For the sake of your people, I'm asking you to surrender."
Tonight's Morse code message is, "BOOM!"
It's now bright daylight, so we should assume it was pretty nearly dawn when Connie called? But with Standard Time, wouldn't it still be dark for at least...? You know what? Forget it. My liver can't handle Jericho's screwy time-stamps. The New Bern Away Team has been joined by Jimmy and two deputies, who listen to Jake explaining that none of their patrols have seen anything. Gray blusters, "What is he actually going to do? Just march in here and start shooting us? We were high school football rivals five months ago!" Bet you regret winning the homecoming game and stealing their mascot now. Dad explains all the mortars New Bern still has, and Hawkins adds, "My guess is that they can hit us from as far as two miles out." "Having them and using them on people are two different things," Gray decides. Ah, he's going with the time-honored ostrich approach. Good move, Gray -- the sand will be very exfoliating for that problem skin of yours. "Yeah, that's what they said about nuclear bombs," says the man who actually has a nuclear bomb. Jake stares at Hawkins, who just shakes his head in irritation over Gray's thick-headedness. They have fifty minutes left to figure out what to do. You know what you could do in fifty minutes? Watch an episode of this show!