Jake And The Black Man

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Is it a rule that any episode that has a Latin title is destined to come, see, and conquer? Or tell the truth only when drunk? If not, I'm making one right now, because this episode? A glut of awesomeness. Thirty minutes in, and we had already rewound the same scene eight times. Why? Oh, no reason, really, just to revel in the awesomeness that is Jake and the Black Man. So, the New Bern peeps return most of the Jericho men to Jericho along with the new turbines. Eric, however, is missing. Finding this cause for concern (rather than celebration, as in my case), Jake presses Hawkins into service, and the two of them -- with a few guns, I believe -- take off for New Bern. Back at home, Mary and Mayor Dad bond over sand, a wonky still, and stories about how much of a dork Eric was when he was growing up. (There's a story about Eric getting "drunk" on a beer and a half that does nothing to endear him to me and instead makes me fill out a change of address form hereby directing all his lameness to New Bern.) Stanley settles back into his farm life but chafes at Sean's presence in his house and sister's bed. Thankfully, Mimi is there to instruct him on the ways of the teenager, and all is as well as it can be when you have to accept that some punk-ass is sleeping with your little sister, who, for all intents and purposes, is still ten years old in your mind. In New Bern, Jake and Hawkins are fed lie after lie about Heather and Eric's whereabouts, culminating in an awesome trailer-park scene where Hawkins pulls out random kitchen tools and a bottle of Drano and prepares to torture the sheriff-mayor's second-in-command. Hawkins even says oddly threatening and slightly hysterical things, like "Hold his knees." Because in torture scenes, knees are both freakishly worrying and quite funny to think about. Later, Jake and Hawkins snoop around and discover that New Bern is making masses of munitions in preparation for an attack on Jericho. After Jake gets thrown in jail for the aforementioned snooping, he finds Eric in the cell and learns that Heather is dead; a fact I stoutly refuse to believe until they show us her decomposing body. Hawkins, who is still wonderfully, thankfully, sniperly at large, witnesses Phil Costantino -- the sheriff-mayor -- dangling a cuffed Eric and Jake before his torch and tar-wielding town, ramping up Morlock mob rule against the trusting, simple-minded Eloi of Jericho. And that, folks, is where we are left at the conclusion of the Best! Episode! Ever! of Jericho. Sigh. I freakin' LOVE THIS SHOW! Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Four flatbed trucks with fabric-covered poles caravan to Jericho. And why do we know they are going to Jericho? Because they pass a green mileage sign that tells us they are twelve miles from Jericho, even though we had every reason to believe they yanked up all the Jericho signs when Ravenwood was ranging around. A fully healed Gray meets the trucks and says, "I didn't expect to see you till spring, Russell." Isn't it spring now? Russell lifts off the tented fabric and says that he thought they might be needing these: the wind turbines. A bunch of randoms jump out of the trucks, and we don't actually know who they are until Gray says, "It's good to see our guys back, but it's going to take some time for me to find some guys to replace them." Russell says that they don't need Jericho's men anymore: "Constantino called it an act of good faith." I wonder if Constantino's definition of "good faith" is the same as the rest of the world's. Gray is puzzled but happy to get his men back along with the turbines. Mary runs at Stanley and asks where Eric is. Totally lying, Stanley says that Eric wasn't ready to come home. A bit stunned and sad, Mary thanks him and backs off. Jake trots up and gives Stanley a happy hug, saying he didn't know that they were coming back today. Well, he would have called, but the can was busy. "None of us did," Stanley mutters, grim eyes looking over Jake's shoulder.

When Jake asks about Eric, Stanley pulls him aside and tells a very different story from the one Mary got. It's true that Eric told Stanley that he wasn't ready to come home because he was still messed up over April's death, but then Eric didn't come in to work one day, and Stanley hasn't seen him since. Going on, Stanley says that he doesn't know what's happening in New Bern: "When I asked about Eric, they couldn't tell me anything. Then the cops started escorting us wherever we went. Then today -- today, out of nowhere, Russell says pack it up, we're going home, like it wasn't safe for us there anymore." Jake's been looking steely and determined this entire time, and when Stanley finishes, he makes the most awesome face. Dude, he doesn't even LOOK back at Stanley. His face fixed and resolute, Jake snaps an upward nod -- looking off into the distance that is TOTALLY in the direction of Hawkins's house -- and you just know, you KNOW that he has made up his mind to mount a mission to New Bern. We seriously rewound that scene five times. Just because of Jake's face.

Jake walks away with Stanley trailing behind. Cornering Russell, Jake demands answers about his brother's whereabouts. Russell can't provide them. Finally Jake demands, "What the hell is going on over there, Russell? Should I be worried about him?" When Russell pauses, Jake grabs him by his woolly lapels and throws him back against the truck, repeating, "Should I be worried?" Russell nods: "I would be." Jake's release of Russell is just as violent as the initial grab. He stalks away, shaking his head irritably. You know what is awesome about Jake? Okay, what else is awesome about Jake? His pulled-up hoodie and scars make him look every inch the bad-ass, but he pulls the look off with a sort of unconsciousness that is incredibly hot. Stanley falls into step with him and tries to persuade Jake to let him come along. Jake's having none of it and orders Stanley to go home. He'll find Heather as soon as he gets there; she knows her way around New Bern. Jake pauses briefly to casually lift a can of gasoline out of the back of a truck. Even that move was awesome! Stanley argues, "Look, it's not safe out there -- you can't go by yourself." The Jericho music pulses up, and Jake says, "I'm not." Okay, it's only five minute into the episode, and we're already screaming. Really, really, loud. The saddest part is that we KNEW Jake was bringing Hawkins, and we KNEW they were teaming up to go to New Bern, and yet all hell STILL broke loose. It was as if we hadn't even seen the previews. Which, like, we HAD!

scene, Hawkins is opening the door. Jake just says, "I need your help."

Tonight's Morse code message is, "What hath Jake wrought?"

Pacing around Hawkins's living room, Jake tells Hawkins that he's got a really bad feeling about New Bern. After Hawkins tries remind Jake why he can't leave Jericho, Jake finally says, "The situation is, [Eric's] been missing for three days, and I came to you for help." Hawkins nods and whispers, "Okay." Then he stands up and adds firmly, "But if we do this, we do it my way." Hey, Hawkins's way is just fine with me. Especially because it's going to involve Drano.

Richmond farm. Laundry flaps in the wind. On the porch, Mimi's black hair flies as she pins up a sorta pink chemise. Because it's only "sorta" pink and not "very" pink, it makes me wonder if Mimi's red jacket somehow made its way into the wash. Mimi gasps as she sees Stanley, and she grabs Bonnie, pointing, "Stanley!" Both of them run over to Stanley and throw themselves at him. Well, Mimi does a full-on leap and straddle, and Bonnie tries to hug what's left of her brother. Stanley kisses both of them and hugs them again and again. A door bangs, and Sean dorks out, announcing, "You're totally back!" Stanley is suddenly not so happy to be home.

Greenhouse. Mary walks in and haltingly apologizes for the disturbance, but she thought they should know that the Jericho men (she just calls them "The Men") came back from New Bern, and Eric wasn't with them. "Why not?" Mom croaks, pulling her red cardigan closer around her. "He decided to stay a little longer?" Mary supposes. "He decided to, or Constantino insisted?" Mayor Dad growls. I love how, throughout this entire episode, they say "Constantino" over and over and OVER again. It's like they are trying to make up for barely giving him a name in "Winter's End." Mary forces a smile and shrugs, painfully admitting that Stanley talked to him and learned that Eric wasn't ready to come home. Mom looks down and away. Mayor Dad looks down at Mary's hand and notes that it's wrapped in gauze. "Oh, I just was trying to fix the copper tubing on my still," Mary explains, looking up at Dad from under her lashes. "It just popped off and cut me." "Is alcohol really a priority right now?" Mom demands, basically calling Mary the Whore Of Babylon and the entire cast of Coyote Ugly rolled into one. Just as if she and Dad didn't waste an entire day getting empty-stomached drunk on Jake's old bourbon. Mayor Dad looks completely embarrassed by Mom's nastiness. "Actually, it's not to drink," Mary explains, choked up. "I was trying to make antiseptic for the Med Center." Oh, SNAP! Mom better just shut up, because she seriously can't put up! Mary decides that she should go. Still staring at the ground, Dad asks, "Got any sand over there at the bar?" Of course -- Mary keeps several tons around in case Eric wants to dig in it. Without answering, Mary asks, "Sand?" "Yeah, I think I can show you a way around that copper tubing -- I'll just give you a hand," Mayor Dad mutters, and he leaves, hardly even giving Mom a backwards glance. Mom stands there, her arms crossed, looking both pissed and ashamed.

Trotting authoritatively across the square, Gray tells a bunch of guys loading bags of salt into trucks to stop what they're doing. Inside Frodale's store, Gray demands to know what Skylar is doing with all the salt. Russell steps into the doorway to listen as Skylar reminds Gray that fifty-one percent of the mine now belongs to her: "I just took it from my half." "You don't have a half of anything; your parents do," Gray points out. Skylar can't help it if Gray insists on still seeing her as a child, but she has a right to what she owns. "You are a minor, and you don't own anything as long as your parents are still alive, or do you have some information that I don't have?" Gray says belligerently. That stops Skylar. Sensing an emotional crack, Gray tells her to get all the salt back to the mine. "And don't make me have to send my guys to do it." Whatever, dude, you're not on a road trip, and you can't just pull this salt mine over.

Jake and Hawkins hit New Bern's city limits and are faced with a roadblock of barrels, sandbags, stop signs, cars, and -- most importantly -- men with guns and bulletproof vests. Of course, there is also the Ever-Burning Trash Can of Ill Portent, last seen in full foreboding regalia in Black Jack. Jake stops the car, and he and Hawkins roll down their windows. "Proof of residence?" one of the men asks. Jake explains that they aren't from there. The border patrol apologizes and says they are going to have to turn the car around "and proceed back." It's really quite magnificent how becoming border patrol affects one's vocab. They now know how to say "proceed," whereas when they were just townsfolk, they probably just said "go." Jake explains that they need to find his brother, Eric Green. Border patrol says, "You're not hearing me, sir -- no one's allowed --" "No, you're not hearing me," Jake argues. The border patrol signals for backup. Hawkins grabs at Jake and whispers, "Hey, hey, Jake." By which we all know he means, "Chill out, man, they are sending more guns. But don't worry, we can take them; just follow my professional lead." Jake shuts up, pulls a gun from his side, and shoves it against his door. I find it really hard to believe that the border patrol can't see that -- after all, he is looking right down into the car. Jake demands to speak to Phil Constantino. "Get out of the car," border patrol says, stepping back and cocking his rifle. "Hell no," Jake responds immediately. More guns are cocked. "Put yer hands on the dashboard!" another border patrol yells. Jake cocks his gun. "I wanna see your hands!" Yet another border patrol yells, rather itchy-trigger-finger-y. A bald guy in a sheriff's jacket walks slowly around and notes, "That's Johnston Green's son -- let him through. I'll escort them in to see Sheriff Constantino." Jake uncocks his gun and puts it away. As the bald guy walks back to some other guys holding rifles and hand guns, the camera pans up to show a stationary gun. How did they get hold of something like that outside of Iraq?

Jake and Hawkins follow the bald guy's truck into the middle of town, and as soon as they get out of the car, they are surrounding by kids begging for food. Jake bellows -- a bit irritably for one who really hasn't come into contact with pan-handling, starving children -- "I'm SORRY, I don't have any -- ALL RIGHT?!" The bald non-sheriff in the sheriff's jacket -- the voucher, I guess -- claps his hand at the children and shoos them away like they are pigeons. Jake and Hawkins gaze up at something, and Jake murmurs, "I though we had it bad." The camera pans up to a painfully brilliant blue sky and exposes the courthouse, riddled black by gun blasts and bullet holes. There's also some sort of construct on the roof -- a sentry house? A biplane? An MIT prank?

After commercials, Hawkins stands in front of the courthouse and wonders to Jake, "What the hell happened here?" Food riot? "Ravenwood," Jake says. Because he knows. Because he's Jake. Constantino walks out from behind some metal barricades to meet Jake. He knows that Eric is missing, and he already has patrols out looking for him. He wishes there was more he could do. Jake snorts, "You're the sheriff and the mayor; you could do more." Constantino sighs that he's trying and then implies that Eric might not even want to be found. Well, I know I don't want him to be found. Voucher speaks up with words of comfort: "Let's face the facts -- he could've been attacked, he could be lying in a ditch somewhere..." Jake gets pissed and lunges at Voucher. Constantino blocks him, and Hawkins pulls Jake back. Hysterically, the confused look on Voucher's face illustrates that he has no idea why Jake would be trying to take a swing at him. Constantino pulls Jake into a confiding walk and tells him that the New Bernies aren't that fond of their Jerichoian neighbors, and that's why he sent the other men home. "When your brother went missing, I got worried for their safety," Constantino concludes. "Why?" Hawkins asks blandly yet somehow threateningly. Constantino says that there have been a lot of rumors about Jericho. "What are people saying?" Hawkins asks, thinking of his huge package. "They're mad they didn't warn us about Ravenwood; they think you're going to renege on your part of the food deal," Constantino tells Jake. Jake scoffs at this. Constantino explains that they've had it really rough, and his people are just looking for someone to blame. Hawkins asks where Eric was last seen. "The factory," Voucher says, stepping forward. "End of his shift." Hawkins flicks his eyes away from Voucher as if he's inconsequential and studies Constantino again. Voucher goes on -- looking at the ground, which any CIA agent posing as an FBI agent would recognize as the body language of a LYING LIAR WHO LIES -- that they are just trying to help; what else can they do? Jake wants to talk to Heather.

Back in Jericho, Darcy sits in police HQ and holds the Semper Faux radio receiver. We hear the last bit of the broadcast, which instructs, "Take care of yourself, Kansas," before it fuzzes out. Jimmy walks up and asks if there's anything new from Farmer Brown, a/k/a Mr. Hewitt. "Nope," Darcy says, replacing the receiver. "It's just the same bulletin about the riots in Chicago Camp West." Jimmy thanks Darcy for taking on shifts at HQ, but Darcy says it's the least she can do, considering what freeloaders she and her kids are at his place. Jimmy protests that she's "like, the best houseguest ever," because she cooks, cleans, and plays Boggle. Jimmy can play Boggle? "We're dreading the day you and your husband work things out," Jimmy goes on, getting a bit carried away with his enthusiasm. He laughs shamefacedly and says, "That sounded a lot less insensitive in my head."

Jimmy then pulls out a picture that Sam drew. It's a textbook crayon image of a disturbed or abused child. Two people are lying on the ground with blood pouring out of them, even their heads, and big monsters with bloody mouths are surrounding the house. At least I think they're monsters -- one looks like a blue Snoopy and the other looks like SpongeBob SquarePants with horns. There's a kid in the window of the house screaming, "Help me!" Jimmy states the obvious: "I'm not a psychiatrist, but that really looks like a kid dealing with some kind of trauma." Trauma, like a nuclear disaster trauma? Darcy echoes my thoughts as she points out, "Thirty million people died a few months ago -- I'll bet there's kids all over the country still trying to process that." Jimmy agrees that could be the case, but he thinks the picture is so specific -- "Bodies, a house." Darcy quickly says that she'll talk to Sam when he comes by after school. So Emily couldn't get the school thing to take, but other teachers could? Not surprising.

Somewhere in the bowels of Mary's bar, Mayor Dad pours sand out of copper tubing and explains, "Sand keeps the copper from buckling." Mary asks, as Dad sucks on the tubing, "Where did you learn this?" Same place he learned about salt. "Well, like most things that are fun and illegal, from my dad," Mayor Dad explains. I think my dad is falling down on the job. Mary and Dad joke that the stories Eric has told her about him are true. "You remember that book, something about women are from Venus and men are wrong?" Mayor Dad asks, beginning a weird train of thought. He swears he didn't read the book, but he flipped through Mom's copy of it. Mom is SO the woman who would own, quote from, and commit to memory Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Anyway, Dad's point is that sometimes men need to go and hole up in a cave somewhere, and if they can't find a cave, they'll make one. I guess his point is that Eric went and made a cave? Mary shrugs and says lightly that she's sure that's all it is. Mayor Dad continues to fiddle with the copper tubing and tells her that Eric's absence and idiocy isn't her fault. It wasn't anybody's fault, and he thinks Eric is figuring that out. This whole thing about men needing caves to squat in would make Eric seem really deep if it didn't come out that actually Eric's not in a cave, he's in a cell, and it's not necessarily of his own making.

Back in New Bern, Jake and Hawkins are led through The Factory. Constantino explains, "This place is the only reason why New Bern made it through the Depression -- this factory whistles like a heartbeat to this town." Not to get all Kenchy, but if your heart is whistling, it's not a healthy sign. Zing-zinging heartstrings, good. Whistles, not so much. Constantino points the way to where the turbines were made, and Voucher steps out from behind some boxes to meet them. Ted is right on his heels. Jake calls out to him and explains to Hawkins that they met him at Black Jack. He's good people. "Good news," Voucher says. "This man knows where your brother is." How convenient. "Really? Where?" Jake says, totally feigning happy surprise. "Um, Eric went home," Ted says calmly. "He and Heather, both -- they left this morning." Hawkins nods and smiles at Ted. He's so not buying it; his look is vintage "oh, reeeeeally?" "Home? To Jericho?" Jake asks. Hawkins asks, "Why would they do that?" It's amazing how Hawkins can ask the simplest, most obvious, most non-intrusive questions, but his voice takes on this "don't EVEN think of yanking me" tone. I'll bet he learned that in the CIA. Constantino stares Hawkins down, as Hawkins wonders why Eric and Heather didn't leave with the convoy. Ted shrugs that Heather had to talk Eric into leaving, and by then, the convoy was gone, so he loaned them his car and rifle. "They're probably back in Jericho by now," Ted says blandly. "Hm," Jake says, seeming to accept this news. Hawkins also nods pleasantly. "Right," Voucher says, figuring they've got these Jerichoians hoodwinked. Ted reaches for Jake's hand, shakes it, and then grips his forearm with his other hand, "Hope they're okay." Ted TOTALLY slipped Jake something there -- he had to! There's no way Jake's buying this, and there's no way Ted thinks Jake's buying this. In fact, his very blandness is a sure sign that he's not telling the truth. Get me -- I'm suddenly CIA! A few guys in yellow slickers with reflective strips come up and say that they have to clear the building. Hawkins asks what's up, and Constantino says that one of their machines overheated and caught part of the building on fire. Hawkins nods. He's not buying anything coming out of Constantino's mouth. Constantino says that Deputy Perkins will escort them out of town. Ah, that's Voucher's real name, and thus we can solve more of the mysterious map and determine that, for now, Russell is still good! "Aw, no, we don't need to be escorted," Hawkins says, almost jocularly. "It's policy," Constantino says, also smiling. "You're big on policy," Hawkins says instantly. Constantino's smile dies, and his sunken lips thin under his beard. "We almost lost everything when Ravenwood came through here," he says. "I'm big on anything that keeps us alive." Constantino stalks off. Deputy Perkins beckons Hawkins and Jake to follow him. Jake thanks Ted and follows.

On the edge of town, Jake and Hawkins wait for Deputy Perkins to dispense with the roadblock. "You buying any of that story?" Hawkins asks. "Nope," Jake mutters, "Neither was Ted." He pulls out a folded yellow Post-It note and hands it to Hawkins. Dude, wait until you get out of town before you start flashing that shit around! Ted slipped him the note when he shook Jake's hand. Good thing Constantino didn't catch him -- he might have made him read it before the whole class. Before shooting him. The note reads: "East Side Trailer Park Lot 24 Come Alone." It's always a trailer park. "So, we done here?" Hawkins asks. Jake sneers at this obvious understatement. Hawkins smiles back and checks his gun's magazine. The roadblock finally lets them through. "Okay," Hawkins says. Jake half-smiles back with grim agreement. They are so AWESOME together! They drive through, leaving New Bern, yet not leaving New Bern.

Richmond farmhouse. Bonnie and Sean canoodle, and Stanley flips out on Mimi for allowing Sean to stay there. Mimi snaps Stanley back into place and lectures him that the more Stanley resists Sean, the tighter Bonnie will hold onto him. Even worse, Bonnie and Sean might run away together. "Which used to mean you'd hear from them in a couple of days when they ran out of bus money. Nowadays? Chances are much better you'll find their bodies on the side of the road," Mimi almost shouts. She's not wrong. Stanley relents, sighing. Mimi agrees that the situation is a pain in the ass, but it's a safe and manageable pain in the ass. "And I suggest you let it stay here before it turns into anything more than that."

A New Bern truck patrols an outlying forest area, and no sooner does it pass than Hawkins and Jake are jumping out of hiding and hunching their way to a trailer park. They huddle behind a truck and look around. Hawkins starts to move forward, but Jake yanks him back, his eyes wide. He gestures silently at a green truck with someone in it. "That's Perkins's truck -- what is he doing staking out Ted's trailer?" Jake wonders. Jake, I think you just answered your own question. "Let's ask," Hawkins suggests. Seriously? When do you ever see people who are hiding from other people go up to those they are hiding from and be all, "So, yeah, we know we're supposed to be gone and all, but we've just gotta know: what are you doing here?" Hawkins and Jake sneak up to Perkins's truck and flank both sides of him, guns drawn. Hawkins pulls open the driver's side door and orders, "Hand your gun to my friend, and let's pay Ted a little visit." Shocked, Perkins hands over his gun.

Inside Ted's trailer, Jake asks about his brother. Ted doesn't know and suggests they ask the now tied-up Perkins: "He threatened to throw me in jail this morning if I didn't feed you that lie." Ted hasn't seen Eric in days and says that Heather left for work that morning, but he just got told that she's gone missing, too. "Two people disappear and nobody knows anything?" Jake says, getting to the heart of the matter. "Well, somebody does," Hawkins says, looking down at Perkins and circling him, "Right?" Aw, HELL YEAH! Hawkins is going to MAKE Perkins talk! While Jake -- the novice -- walks up to Perkins and asks, "Where is he?" Hawkins casually starts going through Ted's cupboards. The best part is that he does it with the blandest look on his face. Like he's just looking for a tin of Crunch 'n' Munch or a can of Fresca. "Screw you!" Perkins retorts. Jake pulls back a long swing and pistol-whips Perkins hard across the cheekbone. Barely pausing in his kitchen puttering, Hawkins says, "Hey, come on, Jake -- we gotta be smarter than that." Hawkins pulls open a skinny drawer of kitchen implements. The first thing I see is a grater. Those things are wicked sharp. "We need answers!" Jake reminds Hawkins, and then Jake sees that Hawkins has pulled out the grater, a knife steel, a chef's knife, and some OXO paring knives. "Getting answers is easy," Hawkins says, examining a bottle of Clog-X. Oh, HELL yes! This is going to be awesome -- it's either Hawkins's brand of torture or it's the Quickfire Challenge. Perkins' cheekbone is already purple and spidered with a bruise. We he sees the Clog-X, his jaw drops. "It's getting the truth," Hawkins says, banging the bottle of Clog-X to the kitchen implements, "that takes work."

When I first watched this, I thought that Clog-X was just Drano using Rachael Ray-esque labels, but then I looked it up and learned that Clog-X is a "fast non-toxic clog remover" and also "the responsible alternative to drain openers." So kudos to Ted for being enviro-friendly, but it would appear to me that Clog-X isn't a liquid; it's a drain snake. Yet that bottle says "Clog-X Max Gel," which actually doesn't seem to exist. Why am I obsessing about this? Well, because when I learned that Clog-X was a real thing and that it was non-toxic, I was going to make a joke about how it may be green, but I'll bet it still hurts a mo-fo when poured into eyes or open wounds. But then I realized that it's not even a gel or a liquid, so it's basically just Drano with a fake name that is actually the name a real drain product. Moving on and away from my random ramblings that seemed to have a real purpose last night, Hawkins calmly picks up the steel and starts sharpening a knife. He gazes over at Perkins and Jake. Jake seems to be turning green but tries to marshal his emotions and looks sort of "Yeah, that's what we're going to do to you. Urp!" at Perkins.

After commercials, Hawkins examines his sharpened blade intently and asks -- without looking at Perkins, because demonstrating your total lack of concern for your victim by not making eye contact is as intrinsic to the torture process as straddling a chair backwards -- "When did you last see Eric Green?" What is Hawkins going to do with the Drano? Pour it down Perkins' throat? Slash or grate a few shallow but painful wounds and pour it in? Hook up an IV drip? I really want to know! Of course, part of the torture is not knowing what's going to happen. Hawkins could have placed a peppermill on the counter and it would still be scary coming from him. "Is he going to make me sneeze? Rub pepper in my eyes? Please, I'll tell you everything, just don't use the PEPPERMILL!" "Look," Perkins says, struggling at his bonds, "This is not my thing." That's not what Hawkins wants to hear, and he goes back to getting his knife even sharper. Of course, the truth of the matter is, dull blades do much more damage than sharp ones, so Hawkins is sort of doing Perkins a favor by getting the knife as finely honed as possible. Not that an idiot like Perkins can be expected to know that, though. "I didn't ask you that, did I?" Hawkins says, finally granting him a lazy look.

"Why do you act like we did something wrong?" Perkins babbles nervously. "We were attacked." With determination, Hawkins puts down the steel and moves a chair. (Here it comes -- straddling the chair backwards! You can't have a torture scene without that!) Actually, Hawkins -- never one to be predicable -- doesn't straddle the chair. Instead, he faces it forward, lays his knife on it, and removes his jacket. (You gotta have free movement when you're torturing.) Hawkins deliberately hangs his jacket on the back of the chair. (Just because you're a torturer, that doesn't mean you have to be a slob by carelessly tossing your coat on the floor.)

"How do you figure that?" Hawkins asks, referring to the fact that Perkins says they didn't do anything wrong. (I'm so entranced by all of Hawkins's movements that I'm losing the thread a bit.) Perkins stutters that the machines did overheat that morning, and it was all Eric and Heather's fault. They sabotaged the machines. "They would never do that," Jake insists. "We need that factory just as much as you do!" Perkins claims that he saw them. Jake jumps on this, demanding, "If you saw them, then where are they?!" They ran away. Hawkins, who has been pointing his knife at Perkins while sitting in -- not straddling, damn! -- the chair, starts laughing. Oooh, that is not a good sign. Torturers who laugh are rarely laughing with you. Torture him! TORTURE HIM! Wow, how did I get so bloodthirsty? I blame the Drano. Still laughing, Hawkins leans back in his chair, and then he just stops laughing. His face suddenly gets serious and threatening, which makes it all the more brilliant and hysterical when he looks casually up at Jake and suggests, "Hold his knees, please." Taking this in parts, the way Hawkins delivers that line is not threatening or evil or dangerous. It's calm, unhurried, casual; it's almost an afterthought. Hawkins has all the countenance of a diner glancing momentarily away from his dining partner to say, "Oh, and I'd like a martini, please." And then the actual line of holding his knees. Like, why? Why do his knees need to be held? WHY THE KNEES? Is the torture going to involve Phys. Ed. sit-ups? Seriously, what is going to happen to the knees, and why do I find it both really creepy and somehow terribly funny?

Everyone -- Perkins, Jake, and Ted -- looks scared. Hawkins doesn't. Again, not looking at Perkins, he twirls his knife in his hand and patiently waits for Jake to hold Perkins's knees. Then he thoughtfully leans forward with the knife and places it between Perkins' legs. Jake crouches down and secures one of Perkins' knees. He looks freaked as Hawkins pulls up Perkins's pant leg. Perkins gurgles and chokes in fear. In desperation, he tries to point out, "Why would I be staking out a trailer park if we had them?" Because you were spying on Ted? Because you don't trust him after you made him tell a lie about his missing friends under threat of incarceration? This isn't good enough for Hawkins. He picks up his knife from between Perkins' legs and draws it back to make a full thrust. Jake flinches and turns away while still holding Perkins's knee.

Perkins finally sings. "Constantino put us on alert! He gave an SOS!" he screams. "An SOS?" Jake and I ask. "'Shoot on sight,'" Hawkins explains grimly, and then he orders Perkins to look at him. "What. Is in. That factory," Hawkins demands, punctuating his words with waves of the knife. Perkins doesn't know, so Hawkins turns back to Perkins's knee. "I'm a cop! I'm a cop! Ask Constantino!" Perkins bellows hysterically. Hawkins orders Perkins to look at him again. They lock eyes. Hawkins stands up and calls Jake over. Perkins quietly wets his pants. Hawkins whispers that they have to go to the factory. Jake worries about Eric. "I don't know about Eric, but we cannot search this whole town, so we should go and see what it was that he was risking his life for," Hawkins reasons. Jake agrees. Hawkins walks purposefully over to Perkins...just to pass him right by and pull Ted aside. Hawkins wants Ted to go somewhere safe. Ted whispers something about his grandfather's cabin. "Okay, you take what's important because you are not coming back here," Hawkins says. Take the Drano, Ted. Although we never learned why, I think it's important.

Hawkins walks over to Perkins, fixes him with a look, and cuts the tape holding his ankles together. He yanks Perkins to his feet and drags him, stumbling, over to the kitchen. The music gets all intense and scary as Hawkins orders Perkins to his knees. Jake looks scared. Really scared. "What is he doing?" Ted nearly blubbers. "Down on your knees," Hawkins hisses angrily. Perkins drops to his knees in front of the sink. "What are you doing?" Ted demands. Hawkins doesn't answer. Because he's that bad-ass. Hawkins braces one hand on Perkins's shoulder, shoving it against the counter, and pulls his arm back. He's still holding the knife. "Hawkins!" Jake shouts. Hawkins pauses and looks at Jake. He puts the knife on the counter, and then he reaches down, unlocks one of the cuffs from Perkins's wrist, and cuffs him to the sink drainpipe. I giggle when Perkins complains, "Ow." Like, dude, think about your knees, okay? You almost had something ambiguously bad done to them. Hawkins picks up the knife from the counter, waves it at Perkins, and suggests, "Shh!" And as much as I'm dying to find the words, I simply cannot do justice to the look on Hawkins's face here -- there's something almost...jaunty about it. Like he's about to whistle or something. It's the perfect end to a truly awesome scene. Although I do have to quibble with the fact that Hawkins only told Perkins to "Shh!" without taping his mouth, or gagging him, or something.

Outside the trailer, Jake accuses Hawkins, "Is that doing it your way?" Hawkins rightfully points out that Jake asked him to come along. Seriously, Jake, you know -- or have suspicions of -- what Hawkins might be capable of doing. That's why you want him with you. You don't just want some bohunk who can shoot a gun; you want someone who can think before, during, and after shooting that gun. "What were you going to do?" Jake demands. Truthfully? "Less than you would have," Hawkins admits. "You see, I've done...I've done enough, Jake, to know better. It's the fear of torture that gets results." Especially when that fear involves knees and Drano. "Actual torture only works in the movies." And Alias. Hawkins walks off, leaving Jake to consider the wisdom of his words. Or something.

Richmond farmhouse. Stanley is telling tales of his New Bern hardships while the rest of the household eats. "And this one guy was so skinny, you could count his ribs through his shirt. I tried to give him food when I could, but none of us had much, so...," he explains. Mimi and Bonnie listen, not eating. Sean, however, is definitely eating. Eating loudly. "And then one day," Stanley continues, "I could just see it in his eyes. He'd given up." Mimi and Bonnie look sad. "I never thought I'd be so grateful to live on a farm," Mimi remarks. Stanley chuckles. "From now on, I promise I'll only complain intermittently," Mimi says. Aw, Mimi's growing! Stanley homespins, "Well, we don't have much, but we'll always have enough." Mimi smiles down at her plate, nodding.

Sean, who has stopped shoveling food in his maw, has something to say. "Dude," he says, dropping his hand on the table to Stanley's plate, "All they need to do is get the internet back up. After that, it's a piece of cake." Bonnie holds a hand up to her mouth, either to keep from laughing or throwing up. "Why is that?" Stanley sneers around a mouthful of food. "Well, you could do anything," Sean shrugs, like it's totally obvious, "I mean, you could run for president -- make a virtual White House. Fly a plane into that!" I think that last comment was meant to be in the tone of "just try." Mimi calmly rolls her eyes at this. Sean goes on about how virtual cities and towns leave nothing to nuke. "Yeah, but," Bonnie finally interjects, "where would we get...stuff?" Sean doesn't know what this "stuff" is that she speaks of. "Oh, I don't know," Stanley explains. "Food, clothes, blankets, fuel." Sean doesn't think that this is a problem: "After the internet is back up, you just order all that stuff." Stanley drops his fork and covers his face. I sympathize, man. That's how I felt after watching Jericho's second episode.

Mimi quickly steps in by telling Stanley how helpful Sean has been around the farm with the livestock and house and "just everything!" "It's true!" Bonnie adds. Stanley nods, maybe simmering down a bit. "Yeah, it's weird, Stanley," Sean explains, "because I'm much more of a vibe guy." "What the hell is a vibe guy?" Stanley asks, saving me my breath. Sean can't believe Stanley doesn't understand. "You know," Sean shrugs, "I mean, I've never been into, like, physical labor. I mean, I'm more the guy that people have around for my vibe." We had one of those in college. We called him "slack-ass." Sean smiles vibingly at Bonnie, who smiles shakily back. Stanley chuckles, "Yeah," and pushes his plate away.

Mimi looks nervous as Stanley roots around somewhere. Sean, not reading the vibe, goes back to eating. Holding a bag, Stanley walks back into the room and yanks Sean up by his collar. No, seriously, we're on Walton's Mountain, where if they don't manhandle you by your ear, it's by your collar. Sean is confused and scared. "My house, my rules, my vibe," Stanley explains, dragging Sean behind him. "STANLEY!" Mimi pleads. Stanley looks back at Bonnie, whose lower lip is showing every sign of being a rebellious teenager. Mimi shakes her head at Stanley. Sean is still totally confused. Stanley throws Sean's stuff on the couch and announces, "And you sleep there!" He shoves Sean down on the couch. Bonnie stands there, not sure how to take this but knowing there's really nothing to rebel against. Stanley sits back down at the table and picks up his fork. Mimi smiles at him in a way that, if she were a cartoon, she'd have a star twinkling in each eye. Stanley stares back and forces out a sarcastic "See? I'm happy!" smile, which is quite funny.

Over at Mary's bar, Dad tells stories about Eric. Apparently, Eric once came home at three in the morning and shined a flashlight in Dad's face to announce, "I can't go to sleep until I confess that I'm drunk." Oh, this is bound to be lame. In the story, Eric goes on that he's drunk, he's sorry, he doesn't know what he was thinking, and it won't ever happen again. Dad explains, "Meantime, he looks perfectly normal -- his speech isn't slurred or anything. Gail starts grilling him -- turns out, he's had a beer and a half." Yep. Lame. ERIC IS LAME! Not that I think people should get rip-snortin' drunk to avoid being lame, not at all. Just that a story about Eric's wild youth still ends up making him out at the goodiest-two that ever was shod! Dad goes on: "I said to him, 'Son, do you have any idea how much beer it takes to get drunk?'" Eric didn't. "'I said, 'Well, get outta here and don't wake me up until you do!'" Dad finishes. Then Eric left, and Dad and Mom couldn't stop laughing at their freakishly good son. Dad realizes that Mom doesn't laugh too much any more. Maybe she would if you weren't sulking in your tree house, Dad.

Police HQ. Sam arrives, and Jimmy annexes him for a little artwork chat in his office.

Russell stops in at Frodale's general store to broker a salt deal with the two kids. He wants to become partners. Skylar thinks that they're doing okay on their own, and Frodale's oddly purple lips tighten. Maybe it's the bluish light of the general store -- although Skylar's coloring looks fine -- but Frodale always looks on the verge of hypothermia. He's really quite creepy, actually: corpse-white skin, circles under his dead, staring eyes, and that little blue mouth. I get that they are showing two kids who have had to grow up fast and fend for themselves because no one else is looking out for them, but there's something feral and brutal about the two of them. Frodale has sort of scared me from the first episode. Like he's a bomb waiting to go off. Also, I have this odd feeling that if Skylar hadn't fallen all over his Bomb Pop mouth of her own accord, he might have clubbed her, dragged her off by her hair, and forced her to keep house for him. Russell goes on that he knows all the trade routes and could be their distributor. It would mean bigger profits for Skylar and Frodale. "And," Russell adds to seal the deal, "I'll deal with Gray Anderson for you." Skylar looks questioningly at Frodale, who barely flicks an eye at her, saying nothing. Skylar slowly turns back to Russell and asks when he needs an answer. "Before I leave in the morning," Russell says. "Believe me, this is good for everyone." He leaves.

Jake and Hawkins dart down an alley behind (or between) the factory. They are momentarily halted by an unguarded gate that warns "Danger: Keep Gate Closed," but although the gate is locked, it is no match for Jake and a piece of pipe that was lying around. Jake and Hawkins sneak into the factory, having gained entrance -- I can only imagine -- by another unguarded door. Guns drawn, they ramble all over the factory. And run into no one. No Constantino, no workers, no guards. NO ONE. I'm beginning to find the New Bernies an adorably trusting people. Jake point out a sign that warns, "NOTICE AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL -ONLY-." Since the other sign did nothing to prevent them from gaining entry to the factory, Jake and Hawkins have no reason to be discouraged by these menacing en-dashes. Sure enough, they walk into another room that whose sole Cerberus is the "-ONLY-" sign. Jake finds a suspicious-looking blackboard -- which is green, hence my suspicion, because I have a grave distrust of all blackboards that aren't black, and especially of those that aren't really blackboards at all and are actually life-sized wipe boards -- and whispers Hawkins over.

The evil greenboard lists what appear to be all of Jericho's assets: the various farms and their crops, the salt mine, and the livestock. Hawkins notes, "It's a full inventory of Jericho." A few weeks ago, we might have found it suspicious that a relative newcomer could recognize a full inventory of Jericho just by looking at a list, but I guess Hawkins has proved himself by now. Even if he did possess a curiously complete comprehension of Jericho, it's for the town's own good. Right? For no reason other than the fact that I am food-obsessed, I want to list all of the crops Jericho supposedly might produce: corn, wheat, grain, sunflower, soybeans, and honey (though this last one has a question mark to it, like they aren't entirely sure if Farmer Ted is a beekeeper or just really allergic to sunlight). For livestock, they've got cattle, fowl, and swine. Not pigs, but swine. I've never heard of a swine farmer. Sounds more like an insult. Jake's keen eye sees the corner of a piece of paper and gets an idea. He FLIPS the greenboard. Clever Jake. I was sort of hoping for an ugly caricature of Anne Shirley as drawn by a snotty and rebellious student, who would soon mend her ways and grow to adore her Canadian schoolmarm, but instead we get a paper map of Jericho's town center with large aspects of land divided up all around it. This either denotes claim-staking or troop placement. The names on the divisions are "Marshall," "Perkins," "Constantino," and "Landsmen." Routes in and out of town are noted in red, as are checkpoints, bridges, farms, and the salt mine. "They sliced it up like they own it," Jake notes. Or want to attack it. Hawkins wonders quietly, "What do they know that we don't?" Jake and Hawkins exit the land-use planning office.

Police HQ. Darcy comes back from wherever she was and sees this Sam talking with Jimmy in his office. Jimmy looks up at Darcy, and an "oops!" look crosses his face. Jimmy and Sam leave Jimmy's office. After learning that Jimmy was talking to Sam about his art and about a possible application to art school (pending his rendition of Tippy the Turtle), Darcy sends Sam off to the lobby. Darcy demands to know what Jimmy thinks he's doing. Jimmy insists that something is going on with Sam, and it's not just about the bombs. Darcy is annoyed with Jimmy's interference; she has enough problems as it is without Jimmy creating more. "Right," Jimmy says, sort of scared by his own boldness, but still not convinced that Darcy gets how serious the situation is.

Richmond farm. (For now.) Stanley and Mimi hang out on the porch, and I do believe that not only is Mimi sitting in a rocking chair, but she is also shelling peas. Or stringing beans. Bonnie walks up. My mistake, Mimi's not shelling or stringing anything; she's breaking down twigs for kindling. Is it really warm enough to be doing that on the windy porch? I guess I'm still in denial that the "coldest winter in decades" is already ending with a whimper. Signing, Bonnie thanks Stanley for letting Sean stay and for not calling him an idiot even when he is one. Mimi narrowly watches all of this, and it's not clear that she can understand everything that is being signed. But when Stanley exhibits signs of getting all het up and signs, "Okay, if you know that...," Mimi clears her throat loudly. Stanley stares at her. "Sorry, just a little frog in my throat -- don't let me interrupt your nice sibling bonding moment," Mimi says meaningfully, adding, "That's what it is, right?"

Stanley gets the message (I think), and he turns back to Bonnie, who signs, "Sean can be an idiot, but he can also be really great." Mimi's still trying to understand what's being said. "All guys are like that," Bonnie goes on. "You have to put up with the 'idiot' stuff to get to the 'great' stuff." Stanley laughs, and Mimi relaxes with a small smile of her own. "Yeah?" Stanley signs back, "And where did you come by that little pearl of wisdom?" Bonnie points at Mimi with a knowing smile. Stanley looks over at Mimi all, "J'accuse!" "What's she saying about me?" Mimi asks, suddenly paranoid. Bonnie walks over to Sean, who signs a question. "When did he learn how to sign?" Stanley asks with a touch of petulance. "He's sleeping with a deaf girl," Mimi duhs him. "Hey, that's my sister!" Stanley protests. Mimi cocks her head at him. Stanley watches the teenagers leave and muses, "I guess if Sean Henthorn's my biggest problem, then I'm a pretty lucky guy." Mimi walks over to him and signs, "Want to get luckier?" Did Bonnie teach her that? "Yeah," Stanley chuckles. Mimi come-hithers him inside.

God, back to the storyline I should care more about but don't. Skylar presents Gray with a document that declares her parents legally dead, making her an emancipated minor. Gray protests how wrong it all is and suggests that they forget about it. "You can't do that," Frodale says, uttering what I think are his first lines in this episode. "What? You going to pedal your little bike to Topeka and file this, Dale?" Gray taunts. Dude, don't taunt the purple-mouthed psycho. Skylar argues that her parents would want her to claim her half of the salt mine, and Gray argues that her parents are coming back. "And if it turns out that that is not true, then I will help you learn the business," Gray suggests. Yeah, that's like when my sister "helped" me "learn" Monopoly, and I ended up mortgaging half my property and selling her the rest. She's an accountant now. Frodale is similarly skeptical. Skylar insists that she made a decision and asks if Gray is implying that laws don't apply any more. Gray bellows at her, "Do you really want your parents to be dead that badly?" Skylar gets weepy. Frodale tries to put a stop to this manipulation. "You're advising her, Dale," Gray goes on. "Did you also tell her how her parents died? Because New York survived, so I guess you probably had to get pretty creative, right? Were they killed there? Or were they murdered on their way back to the child who meant everything to them?" "It's just a piece of paper," Skylar insists. Seriously. If her parents are alive, they can be declared alive again. It's not like Skylar's killing them, all death-by-papercuts, with her little document there, sheesh! Gray hands the document back. I'm not sure what this means, really. Did they need Gray to sign it to make it legal, or were they just telling him about it as an FYI? Frodale takes Skylar out of the room. I think Mayor Dad would have handled that totally differently. For one thing, he would have asked them to sit down, and for another, he wouldn't have lost his temper. Of course, he doesn't own the other half the mine, so there would have been none of this icky conflict-of-interest. Eh -- I sort of feel about the Frodale-Skylar thread the way Janeway feels about time travel: I don't understand it and it gives me a headache.

Hawkins and Jake are still creeping around the factory with guns drawn. They hear metallic clicking and peek through a partially obscured fence to see people making lots and lots of giant bullets. Hey, I'm not a munitions expert -- I know they are called something else, but to me they look like really large bullets, okay? Thankfully, before any of you can email me, Hawkins tells us, "They're making mortar rounds," as we glimpse a red label reading "explosives" on one of the really large bullets. "They're running a munitions factory," Jake supplies unnecessarily. One of the workers tells the other workers to hurry up because Constantino wants the stuff tonight. They'll be ready, another guy reports. Hawkins and Jake dart out of sight as someone wheels out of the area. Hawkins follows his progress with his gun, but the guy never sees them, so he gets to live.

"They're getting ready for war," Hawkins tells Jake. Jake looks at him, sighs, and seriously says, "Oh, man," but it's inaudible. I just love that "oh, man" is Jake's reaction to another town gearing up for battle against Jericho. Hawkins thinks they need to get back to town, but Jake decides to be an idiot for the first time in the history of the show. He tells Hawkins that they need to stop these guys and says, "Cover me." Seriously, Jake? One guy? You're ONE GUY, and you think you're going to stop a munitions factory? You must have some sort of crazy faith in Hawkins's bag of tricks, because, dude...no. Hawkins tries to hiss Jake back to him, but Jake's already gone. Perkins -- I told Hawkins he should have gagged him! -- sees Jake and chases him with his posse. Hawkins stays out of sight. That's not "covering" him, Hawkins. Jake runs. The posse chases. Jake encounters a fence and is stopped by Constantino and more posse. Jake hands over his gun and curses himself.

Jake is led, cuffed, to a jail cell. Some random bearded guy sits inside but doesn't appear to react to his new cellmate or share why he's there. I started to have wild ideas that Jake's bearded cellmate is another Abbé Faria, who will teach Jake history and manners, and when he dies, Jake will sew himself into his shroud and escape. Jake hears someone call "Jake!" and sees his brother in the cell across the way. Jake is painfully happy to see Eric. I liked my idea better.

Mayor Dad arrives home to find a sullen Mom waiting for him. "Sorry, I guess I'm late for dinner," Dad says. "Or lunch," Mom supplies. "Take your pick." Dad says that helping Mary took longer than he expected. Mom makes a sour face. "You told Eric we'd take care of her," Dad says accusingly. "What I meant is that we'd help keep her alive," Mom says acidly. "What I didn't mean was that we'd run over there and spend the entire day every time she needed someone to do a little heavy lifting." Dad says something that doesn't make it onto audio or captions. I swear, he said, "Whatever." Dad walks off. "Wait!" Mom gasps. He doesn't. "Johnston!" Mom orders. Dad comes back, taking off his jacket. "You don't think I'm the reason Eric left, do you?" Mom asks. Whoa -- where did that come from? Projecting much? Dad doesn't say anything for a moment, and then he says, "I think Eric left for a lot of reasons. But Mary may be why he comes back." And of course, this is all completely moot, because Eric's not avoiding his family -- he's in jail.

Hawkins's house. Darcy examines Sam's artwork and tells him that she doesn't want to have to come back to this house again. Sam doesn't say anything as he puts a box of stuff on the counter. He's a really cute kid. Probably made cuter by the fact that they don't have him saying much. Darcy asks if he got all the toys he wants. Sam nods. Darcy wants to know what he and Jimmy talked about. "Nothing," Sam responds. Darcy smiles knowingly and reminds Sam that they don't keep secrets in their family. HAH! Oh, sorry -- was she serious? Sam's eyes actually seem to echo my HAH! Darcy smiles and admits, "Yeah, I know, baby." There's a knock at the door and...it's Jimmy! Of course! Because where else would he be if not at the Hawkins's house? Or in the Hawkins's business? Jimmy tells Darcy that he thinks they should talk. The scene has the same misdirected seriousness that they drummed up when Jimmy oddly called Hawkins "Robert" and held onto his hand after telling him about the body they found. Darcy sends Sam upstairs to check his room one more time. Darcy starts babbling that she understands why Jimmy is curious about her family. After all, they're new, they keep to themselves, don't have many friends, and bury bombs in their backyard. But if Jimmy wants to ask something, Darcy would appreciate it if he came to her directly and didn't go through her kids. Jimmy says, "I think Sam is trying to say something with that drawing -- something he can't put into words." Darcy cautiously asks what Jimmy means. "He's drawing a little boy that's afraid," Jimmy says. Darcy's mind races. "Because his dad's not around," Jimmy continues, "to protect him or his family." Whew! Dodged a bullet there -- er. Yeah. Jimmy told Sam that he's not alone and that he's knows what it's like to have divorced parents. Darcy nods. Jimmy goes on that he told Sam that he's been through it, and he thinks he turned out okay. Relieved, Darcy smiles, "I think you turned out better than okay, Jimmy." Jimmy appreciates that and says he's going to head back to his house. Darcy thanks him for not asking if her husband and/or daughter is a murderer. I swear, Jimmy is always just on the edge of burgeoning brilliance, and then he gets it all simplistically wrong.

Russell arrives at Gray's office to report that all the turbines are up. Gray thanks him and shakes his hand, saying, "You were as good as your word -- even better." Russell's happy to hear that, because he wants a one-quarter stake in the salt mine. "Would 'we' be Constantino? Is that what all this goodwill was about?" Gray asks. Russell swears that isn't the case, and says that he can make this deal work for the good of both of their towns. He wants Gray to agree to let him sell salt from the mines. Gray won't. Russell hands over a piece of paper showing that he and Skylar made a deal. Gray laughs mirthlessly: "I guess that you and the Olsen Twins think that this is kind of cute." Wow -- a pop culture reference from Gray! Although I'll bet he thinks the Olsen Twins still live in that Victorian house in San Francisco. Russell says that they conducted a legal transaction, but Gray counters, "It's not for sale." "There are people in New Bern who think that it should be," Russell says. Dude, Gray, you might really need to listen to him. Really. Instead, Gray laughs angrily that he doesn't care what people in New Bern think. "You need to!" Russell insists.

New Bern jail. You know, "jail" seems like too legal a word for what they're doing. A guard patrols. After he passes, Eric whispers that after he saw the map of Jericho, he asked Heather about it. She didn't think New Bern could do that to them, but then she snuck in and saw the mortars and their plans.

Back in Jericho, the idiot mayor is ordering Russell back to "whatever rock [he] crawled out from under." He bellows for his deputy. Russell -- still calling him "Mr. Mayor" because he's respectful and shit -- entreats Gray that there's much more going on than he realizes. Gray is so greedy that he refuses to see any of it. Russell is trying to help Gray, because the New Bernies barely survived the winter, and they know their meal is coming from Jericho. "And they also know that it's not going to be enough to feed everyone, so some of them are thinking, "Well, what can we do about that right now?'" Gray turns to his deputy and tells him to round up all the other deputies and send them out to guard the salt mine. "Gray," Russell says, dropping the title, "I've already got men up there." Damn. Gray grabs his rifle while Russell continues to plead that the deal is a good thing even if it doesn't look that way right now. "Please, you do not want the alternative," Russell states. Gray frowns slightly. Maybe something is getting through to him. But I doubt it.

Over in New Bern, Constantino addresses his torch-wielding town. "These rumors about Jericho -- about the food-hording, about how they sicced Ravenwood on us. Maybe they're not just rumors. We restored their power supply, and now that Jericho has what it needs, it has no intention of making good on its half of the deal." Well, he's not wrong.

In the cell, Jake asks why Eric didn't just leave town. Eric says that they wanted to break the machine and stop the factory. That's exactly what Jake tried to do! Oh man, if Jake is now doing Eric-level thinking, Jericho is in serious trouble. Eric says they were caught and he was brought there. "So, where is she?" Jake asks, scared, "Where is Heather?" "She's dead, Jake," Eric says sadly. NOOOOOOOOOOO! No! No! NO! Not until a body. NOT UNTIL A BODY! Besides, maybe they were lying to Eric to break him -- isn't that a twisted part of the Prisoner's Dilemma or something? Maybe she was sold into slavery, and saying she died is easier for them. Less scary or brutal. Goddammit -- this is a pretty misogynistic world Jericho's built. Let's see, they've killed five women on this show: Gracie, April, Heather, Sarah, and that trampled Branch Rogerian. And what men have they killed? Some senior citizen, the Hunter, and Victor. They weren't even major characters, and one of them was bad! It's like they are killing off all the women of Jericho except Emily, so Jake HAS to be with her to rebuild the species or something stupid. I HATE Emily. Jake rests his head sorrowfully on the wall of his cell and closes his eyes. Since when do we really trust Eric's intelligence, anyway?

Constantino continues to act like the New Bern equivalent of Gaston.

Perkins orders Eric and Jake to get up.

Constantino gathers up pitchforks and passes out the lyrics to "KILL THE BEAST!"

Perkins cuffs Jake and Eric as we get a voiceover of Constantino saying that Jericho wants to see them destroyed, and saying that he looked their mayor in the eye and told him how bad off the New Bernies were. "But on the day we made good on our end of the deal, what did they do? They tried to destroy the factory that keeps this town alive," Constantino preaches. Jake and Eric are brought out to the "YEAH"ing crowd. This is very bad. Very, very bad. "Here's your proof," Constantino says, gesturing at the brothers Green, "These are the sons of Johnston Green, sent from Jericho to wreak havoc on this town." Two completely failed attempts are hardly havoc. Stop being such a drama queen. "Now we know," Constantino goes on, "If these people have their way, New Bern would cease to exist." Eric and Jake stare at each other. Outside of all of this, Hawkins hides in the shadows and listens. "With your help," Constantino says, "and sacrifice, I will make sure that never happens." The crowd -- probably hoping for a live demo of that sacrifice -- yells and yeahs. Hawkins watches, resolute. It's all up to him. I LOVE THIS SHOW!

week: Jake is subject to brutal interrogation, Eric yells a lot, Mayor Dad threatens Constantino, and Hawkins appears to continue with his awesomeness. Also: explosions!