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People, this is why I freaking ADORE this show. Lots of awesome bits of half-info, but still mucho to snark, scream, and drink about. After Jake and the Sheriff -- is Jimmy the Sheriff now? He's got a sheriffy face -- find an elder-sicle in his home, the town residents realize that they need to get some heat happening. Heather -- YAY, HEATHER -- brings up the brilliant idea of using the windmills (did you know Jericho had windmills? Me neither) to harness a little wind power for the town, so Jake, Dad, Heather, and Frodale take off for a trading post Roger told them about on some old fairgrounds called Black Jack. While they're away, Roger finally shaves, and then tells Emily some fruity story about how he saw a beautiful light that led him to the refugee camp. It's understandable that Emily decided it wasn't quite the time to tell him how she killed a man, but I'm beginning to wonder if she even remembers that herself. In an onerous but awesome succession of scenes, Mom verbally bashes Mary Bailey (IN HER OWN BAR!) for breaking up her happy family, but then leaves some fruity note behind that indicates that she will eventually forgive Mary Bailey and welcome her with reproving but open arms. Hawkins brings Sarah home to meet his family, and Darcy -- understanding at once that the two of them are lovahs -- hates her on sight and decides that she's dangerous. Sarah and Hawkins have secret talks about The Old Man, who has contacted Sarah regarding The Package, and unless he's got something explosive going on, I'm pretty sure they're not talking about the contents of Hawkins's pants. After Hawkins and Sarah agree to leave Jericho together to take out The Old Man, we are left with Sarah texting The Old Man in a way that makes us believe she's potentially terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad. Over at Black Jack, the Away Team sees firsthand that the trading post doesn't take kindly to thieves. Black Jack seems to be in possession of some extraordinary news of the nation. For instance, there are six people claiming right of presidential succession; Germany has also been dropping aid on towns; it's predicted to be the worst winter "in decades;" and Sacramento, California and Cheyenne, Wyoming agreed to stop fighting. That last one gives me severe giggles. When the Away Team can't get the necessary part, Frodale (concealing his still smoking gun) tries to steal it and is almost hanged. Luckily, some new friends help the Away Team bash their way to freedom without the part. Most upsetting is that Heather decides to leave Jericho with the new friends -- one of them is an old friend of hers: a cute old friend -- in order to manufacture the necessary part from memory so that Jericho can prevent another AARP-sicle and conserve the rest of their candles for Emily's brow-waxing necessity. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Jake and Jimmy destroy some perfectly lovely Craftsman-style stained glass as they break into a house. After calling out the inhabitant's name and remarking on how cold the house is, Jake and Jimmy see a lump of blankets on the floor of an upstairs room. Grimacing with resignation, Jake pulls back the blankets to reveal a dead senior citizen. All Jimmy can think to say is "Temperature dropped so fast." Jake adds, "It's going to be a long winter." He must have seen the dead guy's shadow.
In Jericho's town hall, Mayor Gray attempts to keep his chattering constituents calm. He tells them that they are currently using the generator to power the town hall for three hours a day, and the med center for six hours. He points to some numbers on a blackboard and explains how much fuel they have. It's not much. He then points to some other numbers on the blackboard, which represent how much they need to get them through the winter. It's a lot. They will be completely out of gas and diesel in two weeks. Dad mutters something about dancing girls, which makes me think Mom has stopped trying to poison him and is now attempting to gaslight him. Dad mutters that Gray is just scaring the crap out of everyone and that's not right. No, it's better to coddle them and make them think that everything's peaches and cream on the fourth of July. Dad groans that he's going to need a hobby. By this point, Jake and Jimmy have slipped into the meeting; Jimmy sidles over to Hawkins -- what's going on? There are black people there who aren't the Hawkins family! Where did they come from? -- and tells him that one of the refugees claims to have been a cop in St. Louis. Aha! It's like a code word. Okay, so should I be worried that my apartment manager also used to be a cop in St. Louis? Hawkins reacts to this news by following Jimmy out of the meeting. Gray continues to yammer gloom and doom; Heather turns to Emily and wonders, "What about the windmills?" Emily gives her a blank look. She's just so good at that. Mom and a few others also look over at Heather, so she says more loudly, "Wind power -- we should be building windmills." Gray points at her, nods, and calls up their "chief engineer down at the mines," Harry Carmichael. Oh, can I call him "Hoagy" and hope he and Lauren Bacall do a jazz duet at some point in this show? Hoagy explains that they had been looking at the wind turbines for weeks now with Mayor Green, but that it's going to take time to build something to connect it to the grid. Time, Mayor Gray adds -- this town really does have some colorful mayors, no? -- that they can't afford. Heather looks around in confusion, trying to find someone who would understand her MacGyver brain. Emily just looks confused.
Jimmy leads Hawkins to Sarah, who glares at him.
Back at the town hall, Hoagy says that they don't have the needed parts. Slouching against a back wall, Jake asks, "What kind of parts?" If he starts talking about jumping and dancing before the Lord, I might have to have several more 009 Martinis. "Mechanical governors to regulate output," Hoagy explains. I think the state of California has one of those. Hoagy goes on: because of the Fake and Wrong EMP damage, they're still trying to figure this all out. "Black Jack fairgrounds," Roger announces through his urine-colored beard. Is he growing Denis Leary under there? Roger explains that he and the other refugees walked through the place on their way to Jericho. It's become a trading post for all sorts of things, and might be the place to get some parts. Mayor Gray thinks that two hundred miles' worth of gas is a lot to waste on a maybe. Dude, do you have any other options right now? While the rest of the town acts sluggish, Heather points out that if they got only one windmill working, they'd save that much gas in a month. Marry her, Jake. I'll be she's not burning her candles at both ends. Heather adds that if they got enough windmills working, they'd be "off gas" for good. Mayor Gray looks concerned at this prospect; however, he agrees that it might not be such a bad idea to put together an away team, and asks for volunteers. Most of the town turns to look at Jake, who was busy being extremely interested in his shoelaces. Jake's the shit and all of Jericho knows it. Either that or the prodigal son has become the sacrificial lamb. When Mom turns around to see what everyone is looking at, she looks shocked and surprised that they are looking at her son, who has saved this town's ass more times than her other son has endangered it. Jake looks resigned.
This week's Morse code message is a beauty tip from Emily: waxing your eyebrows with Glade scented candles will make you break out.
At the police station, Hawkins closes the mini-blinds just in time for Sarah to punch him. Sarah spits that the men who grabbed her said that someone on their team sold them out, and that she knows it was Hawkins. Sarah takes another swing at Hawkins, but he grabs her hand and stops her, explaining that she was stupid to believe the men who grabbed her. He goes on to say that since the two of them owe their lives to each other, and since he didn't punch her back, she should know he's not the traitor. Sarah asks who else is in Jericho. "No one," Hawkins responds, but then adds, "Victor showed up after D-Day but he only made it for a couple of hours." Sarah asks if Hawkins killed him. Hawkins scoffs, "It was the radiation from Den-vuh." Sarah shakes her head slightly and asks, "No one else made it back here to the rally point?" No one else did. Wait, Jericho's the rally point we've been hearing so much about? That's...interesting. But mainly confusing. Hawkins now wants to know how Sarah got away from three armed men and handcuffs. Sarah cryptically says that one guy got too close, and then there were two. Too close like she ate his face off or too close like he fell in love with her and let her out of her cuffs? After Sarah easily got away from the other two, she drove as fast as she could. She saw the clouds from D.C. and Baltimore and ran out of gas in West Virginia. She then spent some time touring various refugee camps. Hawkins is glad she made it. "You left me," Sarah reminds him. Hawkins knows. Sarah wonders, "So what now?"
Roger explains the route to Black Jack fairgrounds to Jake, and reminds him to watch his back once he's there, because the guards there are ruthless: "Without the cops or the National Guard, it's the only way they guarantee it's safe enough to keep commerce going there." Mayor Gray suggests, "You better take two or three of the border patrol guys with you, just in case you run into any surprises." Wait, what border patrol? Aren't Jake and Hawkins Jericho's border patrol? Heather steps forward from Emily's side and says that she's coming along. "Not a chance in hell," Jake tells her, as Emily looks on with crossed arms and a disapproving face. "Would you know a working mechanical governor for a wind turbine if you saw one?" Heather demands. Jake looks shifty, and says, "Yes." The amazing thing about that line is we really don't know if he's bluffing. Jake says that he's not taking "passengers" out there, no way. Emily looks quietly triumphant at this news. Heather stares at him. Jake continues to say "No" several more times. Heather points out that Hoagy has a family, so he shouldn't be dragged along, and that Heather can help. "You need me," Heather insists. In more ways than one! Jake looks over Heather's shoulder at Emily's pout.
Outside town hall, Mary tries to catch up with Mom, but Mom refuses to give her the time of day. Not daunted, because she's a spunky bar owner, Mary tells Mom's back that Eric told her about April's pregnancy. Mom turns around to stare Mary down. Encouraged, Mary says, "If there's anything that I can do, I--" Mom interrupts her: "I think you've done quite enough." Damn straight. Mom walks away. I just realized that this whole pregnancy thing means that while April and Eric were having their problems, they were still having sex. And Eric was also having sex with Mary. Eric just doesn't seem man enough to service two women.
Some municipal building. Dad says to Jake, "Always gotta be the first one to jump in the fray." Shut UP, Crab Dad! Jake didn't volunteer, the WHOLE DAMN TOWN turned to him because they're all too chickenshit to do it themselves! You're jus' jellus that they didn't look to you for help and you also can't admit that Jake is head and shoulders above your other mewling, puling, cheating son. Jake, not as angry as I am, shrugs that someone's got to go. "Well, it just seems like that someone's always you," Dad crabs. It's called having balls, Dad. Jake says that Mayor Gray is packing up some bags of salt for them to barter with. Dad thinks that's smart, and learns that Heather is also going, along with some guys from the border patrol. "That's it?" Dad asks. Jake's not even sure that pulling guys off border patrol just to watch his back is a good idea: "Besides, only a handful of them even know what they're doing." "You don't think I can watch your back?" Dad asks. Dad wants to go because he needs to see for himself what "it" is like "out there." "Besides, I'm unemployed, I'm not obsolete," adds Dad. I guess he's found his hobby. "Did you ask Mom?" Jake asks. "Son, I am fifty-nine years old. I was mayor of this town since the Carter Administration. I'm a retired U.S. Army Ranger and a combat veteran." Beat. "Of course I asked your mother."
At the dovecote, Emily says tells Roger, "I guess I could go downstairs and warm some water for a bath for you." She thinks you stink, bro. Also, how is she going to warm the water? She can't use the oven, right? Is she going to build a fire? Use more candles? Wizards? Roger mopes himself into a chair and picks up a book. He comments that he never thought he'd be able to finish it. Well, now you can. Given that you don't plan to shave that pee-pee beard of yours, you've got nothing but time on your hands. Emily hugs Roger.
Hawkins House. Darcy seems to be using a wood-burning oven to heat an old-fashioned iron. All that antiquing in New England doesn't seem so stupid now, does it? ["I barely iron now; who'd bother to iron after the world had gone to shit? You can't refrigerate your food or watch TV! Just be wrinkly!" -- Wing Chun] Aside from that, we need to back up a bit: the Hawkins house has a wood-burning oven. That's, like, restaurant-grade when the restaurant is known for making wood-fired pizzas. Actually, you know what? The way I'm going to look at this is, anything that happens in the Hawkins house was all part of Hawkins's master plan. He knew they would lose electricity and need a wood-fired oven. And all those candles? Hawkins stockpiled them before they got there. In fact, Hawkins didn't pay cash for the house, he paid in candles, which would explain why the town is so flush with them. They now have a candle bank and the interest from your candle account is paid to you in wicks. Hawkins walks in with Sarah and introduces their guest. Darcy looks put out.
A metal drawer slides open, and a fine-boned and sensitive hand pulls out a gun. It's Frodale, and he practices looking tough by pressing his lips together. Skylar walks into Frodale's store, calling out for him. Frodale stashes the gun and tells Skylar that he was just doing inventory. That must not take too long these days. Frodale shows Skylar a bushel of limp carrots, and they both bitch that they're rotten. "They're all screwing me," Frodale says. "Hardly anyone's honoring their deals." Oh, he's bitter and he's got a gun. Also, maybe I'm thicker than Frodale's hair, but what is the point of the store being stocked? I mean, to what end? Is money really being exchanged anymore? Gracie and her money-grubbing ways always struck me as particularly selfish, and it showed that she was someone who was unwilling to admit that when the bombs went off, the country changed, and turning a profit wasn't what it was about anymore. Is Frodale trying to honor Gracie's memory by being just as money-grubbing? I don't get it. Skylar sighs that her father used to have to deal with stuff like that all the time down at his salt mines. Her father had to deal with post-nuclear situations? When Frodale asks what he did, Skylar helpfully says, "He just did whatever was necessary to keep things going." Frodale announces that he's not shutting the store down. Frodale, do you have any customers? Skylar says that she might have some good news on that front, but that he might have to go on a trip. She then smiles as if the trip isn't deadly in the least. Maybe she's sick of Frodale's mopeyness, too.
Jake and Dad pile bags of salt into the car. Heather marches over in her red wool coat and tells Jake that she needs to talk to him: "I shouldn't have sprung this on you -- this is too weird." No one really knows what she's talking about. Heather contracts her brow slightly and follows Jake on his salt trips. Finally, Heather says, "I kissed you. A month ago." Dad, hysterically, freezes. "And we haven't spoken since," Heather adds. Jake gets this horrified look on his face. "Generally people speak after something like that," says Heather. Dad: "I'm just gonna, you know." He stops, and then turns around and leaves. Hee. Jake awkwardly tries to apologize, but Heather stops him and says she's not upset: "I understand why it happened." She explains that she wants to go to Black Jack because she wants to get Jericho back on its feet: "It's not a date." Jake nods.
Frodale approaches Dad, calling him "Mr. Mayor." Dad reminds Frodale that he's not mayor anymore. Frodale tells Dad that he needs to come with them. Dad turns to look at Jake, who closes the car trunk and looks annoyed.
In some storeroom, Frodale packs up random old kitchen junk and says he's going to use it to trade for supplies the town needs. He wants to get the store up and running again. "You just going to give it away to the town for nothing?" Jake asks skeptically. "It's the right thing to do, isn't it? I just want to help," says Frodale, not meeting Jake's eyes. Jake looks at Heather and Dad and notes, "This is one hell of a crew we're putting together." Seriously, it's sort of Lord Of The Salt: Fellowship Of The Salt. Dad is Gandalf and Gimli in one, Jake is Legolas, Frodale is, duh, Frodo, and Heather is whoever Liv Tyler played but without the annoying Elvish. Jake finally sighs and says that they'll leave first thing in the morning.
Hawkins House. Candles, candles everywhere. Darcy puts pillowcases on pillows and demands to know how it is that Sarah just happened to wander into town. Hawkins orders Darcy to look at him, and tells her, "I'm not going to lie to you." This time. However, Hawkins can't tell Darcy any more than he already has. Darcy reminds him that the last time he let "someone like that" into their home it was four years ago. "This is different," Hawkins insists. "Well, you couldn't tell me who he was. You told me not to worry. Two weeks later you left, I didn't see you until two months ago," says Darcy. Okay, hold the red phone -- if he just "left," and she didn't see him again until he showed up to haul them out of town, why I did she need a restraining order? Generally speaking -- and I'm just spitballing here -- but restraining orders are imposed to keep people, who are around too much, you know, away. As Hawkins insists that this is different, Darcy adds that Sam cried for weeks. He was only four years old and couldn't understand why his father would want to leave him. Darcy doesn't know if she can watch Sam go through that again. Hawkins silently takes the pillows and blankets from her and leaves the room.
Downstairs, we get a look at Sarah's shapely thighs as she pulls her pants on. It's a miracle how in all that wandering and all that time, her black lacy panties managed to make it through a post-nuclear world completely intact. Not a rip or a run anywhere. They're militia-issue lingerie, Mata Hari grade. Of course, those could be a pair of Darcy's, but that would be really gross. Even grosser when you think that Hawkins would have supplied them to Darcy himself since he made sure the house was fully stocked when they arrived from D.C. As Hawkins trots downstairs, Sarah quickly holds some clothing in front of her naked chest. Hawkins stops short in front of her. He then drops the blankets and pillows and backs away. Sarah looks reproachful. Hawkins walks into another room, so Sarah quickly pulls on her top and demands to know what's going on. She follows him into his office and stands in front of him wearing a sweat suit. You know what bugs me here? Let me rephrase that, you know what else bugs me here? Tiny Sarah probably borrowed the sweat suit from Darcy -- who is way tall -- and yet, the top still manages to be small enough to make sure Sarah shows a bit of bare midriff. Hawkins twirls his Samsonite laptop around and shows Sarah the Google Earth satellite progressions of himself playing with Sam in the backyard. Is it his screensaver or something? Hawkins tells Sarah that he's being watched. "By who?" Sarah asks. Hawkins: "My guess? The Old Man." Sarah starts to ask why Hawkins would be watched, but catches herself and realizes, "You still have the package, don't you?" Hawkins just stares at her. Sarah says, "He's been coordinating this thing from the beginning, feeding us information. Why would he turn on us now?" Hawkins doesn't know, and determines that Sarah still has a way to reach the Old Man. Hawkins wants to know if Sarah has told the Old Man that she has made contact with him. Not yet. "Then do it," Hawkins orders, slamming his Samsonite laptop shut. "You do it and you see what he says." Sarah whips out her BlackOpsberry and types a message.
The Away Team drives. Looks like they left the border patrol at him. Arriving at Black Jack Fairgrounds, Heather reads signs aloud for everyone's benefit: "Thieves will be strung up." Frodale sees the sign that reads "NO GUNS." The guards check the car's trunk and knock on the windows to say "We need your guns." Jake hands his gun over. Dad hands his shotgun over. The gun-check guys hand them claim tickets. Now, do you think they'll need to tip on that? The car is ushered through, and the Away Team disembarks. "They're kidding about the 'strung up' thing, right?" Heather asks. "They don't mean that literally." Jake and Frodale turn around and look past Heather. Dad watches their faces and also deliberately turns around. Heather, who is acting slower than usual, and doesn't seem to get that they are all staring at something BEHIND HER. Finally, she turns around and sees a body swinging from a noose, a bag over its head. I wonder how long it'll be before it begins to smell up the joint. Maybe they'll have to burn incense in case no one ever steals again and they aren't ever able to put up a fresh body.
After the break, we see people of various walks of life doing business. Hey, there's a priest. Do you think he barters with holy water or blessings? They all seem to be men. It's dark and gritty and sort of like Firefly except without the ice cream on a string and the ear-gouging Westernese. Jake explains that they have to check in at the main tent, where they try to match buyers with sellers. There are potentially three people who might have the part they need. "It's like eBay," Frodale comments. The Away Team watches people get beat up. "Not like eBay," Heather decides. Hey, you don't know; maybe he's a fetishist and he paid for that beating. Don't judge what you don't understand. Dad sends Heather and Jake off to find the governator while he and Frodale see what they can get for Frodale's junk.
Back at the Dovecote, Emily reads while Roger wakes up. Does she not sleep with him anymore? We note that Roger is clean-shaven, and Emily tells him that he fell asleep while standing at the sink shaving. If that's really true, how come he doesn't have any bits of toilet paper on his face? Emily says that Roger was going to tell her what she saw out there, but then there was the asleep-falling. "Roger, I don't want to push," Emily begins. Yeah, she doesn't want to push, but if he doesn't tell her what he saw, she's going to go off with Jake. Emily continues: "I can't even imagine how awful it was for you out there--" Roger admits that a lot of it was, and asks her to promise that she won't think he's lost it if he tells her something. Emily promises. Roger steels himself: "Out there. I saw. Something." Zombies? Aliens? A polar bear on a tropical island? "I haven't told anyone about it; I can't explain it." Himself eating the flesh off of still-warm bodies? WHAT?! "The thing is? It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Roger concludes. Is this going to be like Marsellus Wallace's briefcase? Emily's face falls because she is no longer the most beautiful thing Roger's ever seen. How does she manage to keep her brows so groomed and perfectly sculpted? She's using her candle wax, isn't she? More waste.
Hawkins House. Sarah is finishing a tale of her voyages: "And from there, I ended up in a tent city outside of Lexington." As she clears the plates, Allison asks what the camps are like. Sarah jumps up to help her, removing Hawkins's plate without asking for it. Darcy notes this intimacy. Sarah tells Allison that the camps are each different: some are overcrowded or dangerous, but others are better run. Allison asks if Sarah saw anyone with radiation poisoning. Sarah admits to seeing a few. Allison wants the gory details. "Lots of burns, tissue loss, some vomiting," Sarah tells her. Hawkins can't handle this and orders his kids upstairs. Sarah looks down. Darcy glares. Before the kids leave, Sam wants to know how Sarah knows his dad. "We work together," Sarah tells him. Sam asks if Sarah can play football. For some reason, both Sarah and Hawkins chuckle at this. "Of course I do," says Sarah. "Doesn't everybody?" "Not everybody," says Sam. Hawkins looks down, smiling. Darcy orders Sam upstairs. Darcy notes a secret smile exchanged between Sarah and her husband and says, "You know these kids have been through enough." Sarah apologizes. Darcy goes on: she doesn't know Sarah and she really doesn't want to, because she knows the kind of people her husband works with, and no matter how "close" Hawkins and Sarah are, she doesn't want her kids exposed to their world. Darcy lifts herself up from the table and says, "I've been married to this man for a long time. I got pretty good at reading between the lines." Sarah looks slightly abashed. Hawkins covers his face with his hands. Darcy's got some nicely sculpted eyebrows on herself as well. Man, between the excessive candle use and the well-kept brows, Jericho must be the whole ball of wax.
Mary's bar. Mary pours something clear from a jam jar. I guess she's breaking out her Pappy's moonshine now. Mom walks into the bar. She and Mary stare each other down. Mom marshals her courage and suggests that the two of them sit down together and have a drink. Oh, man, is she going to apologize? I hate when people apologize.
Black Jack. Heather intently examines something mechanical. A guy walks up and asks Heather, "How much?" Heather brightly and smilingly doesn't know what he's after. The guy looks her up and down. Heather suddenly catches on and shouts, "Wait, what?! No!" This gets Jake's attention. "How about a half-hour?" the guy bargains. Jake walks over, asking if everything is all right. Heather announces that she's not a hooker. Well, to be fair, Heather, you are wearing a red coat. Jake tries to get the guy to back off, but the guy shoves him lightly in the chest. And, as in the beginning of all television fights, Jake shoves back. The guy falls down. A few other guys walk up with long bars of something metal and menacingly ask if there's a problem there. And then yet ANOTHER guy comes up and quickly steps in to save Jake's ass and assures Rebar Man that there is no problem. This new guy, who looks like Sawyer-Lite, tells Jake to watch himself with the guards because things get ugly fast. Jake thanks him for stepping in as the guy sort of escorts them away. Someone calls out Heather's name, and Heather gets really excited when she recognizes a friend from her hometown. This new guy, Ted, picks Heather up off the ground and hugs her. Jake does not look happy. Then again, when does Jake ever look happy? Heather makes with the introductions, and it turns out that Ted is friends with Sawyer-Lite, whose real name is Russell. Ted and Heather walk off together, Jake trailing warily behind. Ted's been really worried about Heather; they were going to send a party to make contact with Jericho, but the roads were so dangerous. Heather and Jake explain why they're there and how unsuccessful they've been in getting their hands on the needed governator. Russell tells them that they know a guy who doesn't always report to the main tent. He often has specialty items.
Elsewhere, Frodale unloads his bag of junk and tries to sell his items. There's a chicken in a cage. It's certainly not free-range. Some guy orders him to put all his stuff away before anyone sees it. Frodale doesn't understand what he's on about. "Nickel," the guy explains impatiently. "The silver stuff is all alloyed with it." Frodale still isn't catching on. "So, nickel absorbs radioactivity," the guy whispers. "Stuff that's been looted from the hot zones is making a lot of people sick. No one wants it." Hey, it's like that episode of TNG, "Thine Own Self," when Data -- who has lost his memory -- makes the whole town sick because he's been carrying around metal fragments from his crashed ship. Frodale argues that his stuff hasn't been anywhere near the fallout. "Look kid, if I can't sell it, I can't sell it -- what do you want me to tell you?" the guy asks. Dad asks what does have value in Black Jack. The guy tells Dad to go look at the commodities board. Standing in front of a list of "IN DEMAND" items (which appear to be gas, diesel, salt, antibiotics, morphine, iodine, and sulfur), Frodale asks Dad, "Why salt?" Because it makes a good body scrub. "Well, it's a preservative," Dad starts off. "Antibiotic. You need fifteen hundred milligrams of it a day to survive. Romans actually used it as currency. Whole African empires were based the control and supply of it. Wars've been fought over salt." Dad is auditioning to be the Alton Brown. If you've got iodized salt, does that kill two birds with one stone and leave the Jews and chefs with their Kosher salt shit out of luck? to the "IN DEMAND" column is a "RED ZONE" list of places like "I-70 Manhattan to Topeka." Since there's a death toll at the bottom, I'm thinking this is a list of places that are danger zones for travelers. There's a similar "YELLOW ZONE" as well, which must mean that while you might not die, you could be very badly wounded or get a splinter.
Heather has been telling Ted about their drop from China. Ted admits that they got an air drop, too, but that it was from Germany. Oh, MAN! That's so awesome! Seriously, though, Ted and his town have been chowing down on sauerkraut and brats, while Jericho's been stuck with rice crisps. I think that explains why Heather decides to go back with Ted by the end of the episode. Ted says, "It's aid; it must be coming from all over the world." "Well, if aid's coming from all over the world, then who did this to us?" wonders Heather. Russell explains that their town also got a visit from Ravenwood, representatives of which killed three, injured eight, and drove off with a truckload of diesel. Russell says that, ever since then, their mayor-turned-sheriff has managed to keep control of things, and crime isn't really problem for them anymore. Jake asks, "How did he manage that?" But instead of answering, Russell looks up at some massive strips of white paper that are reporting the news from all over. If you have HDTV, you can see a sign at the very bottom that says, "Thanks for not asking about the EMP," which is so fucking hysterical given how off this show is about what an EMP actually does. Some regional news is that it's predicted to be the "worse [sic] winter in decades." As we see a note that "Beijing vows to continue aid third round of shipments expected," Russell explains that, as people pass through, they bring pieces of the puzzle. There's a headline reading, "Florida delegates sent to Montgomery; Tallahassee votes to back Sen. Snowdens [sic because you forget your punctuation when the nukes go off] claim to presidency; Fraud." Ah, Florida is involved in another voting scandal; some things never change. Jake takes down the news of the day, and Russell notes, "You guys don't get out much, do you?" I crack up when I see "Cheyenne nears accord with Sacramento." Heh, California makes peace with Wyoming. We want their beef and they want our pot. Together we can make pot roast! Russell leads Jake to another board, which looks to be the bombed locales. The dots are in the wrong places for some of the cities: the Minneapolis/St. Paul dot is too far south, and I'm not sure where they think Denver is, but after a nuclear attack, eighth-grade geography is the first thing to go (right before punctuation). Behind Jake, a clock is stopped at 9:02. The time of the EMP. Which we aren't supposed to ask about. Because it's so very, very wrong. And fake. And made up. Jake asks what the green stars represent. "Capitals," Russell tells him. "Of what?" Jake and all of us ask. Russell gives him a look: "The federal government." Jake points out that there are six stars on the map, and wants to know where the president is. "Which one?" Russell asks. Jake's eye bug us into commercials.
After the break, Jake doesn't understand how there can be six presidents. He asks who is in charge of the military. "You're assuming there's only one of those, too," Ted points out. As the group moves on, Heather asks, "Isn't there a line of succession so that there's only one successor?" Supposedly, the Health and Human Services Secretary (Charles) is supposed to be the in line, but for some reason, he's got challengers who think the attacks have changed the rules. How can the attacks change the rules? The rules are there for exactly this type of situation. Mike -- the third guy with Russell and Ted -- explains that a Senator from Oregon and one from Wyoming are staking claims and gathering support. Heather asks how they figure out who's in charge. Well, if Charles is not in charge, either they all have to compromise and make deals or they fight it out. Or, worse than that, Senator Lembeck stages a coup and we're all stuck wearing goofy suspenders.
Elsewhere in Black Jack, Frodale bitches that all he got was six bags of soybean seed. Or maybe he's bitching that he traded six bags of soybean seed. I don't know, but he appears to be pushing a keg of beer now. Dad decides to give Frodale a pep talk about how proud Gracie and his mom would be of him, and how great it is that Frodale is still trying to keep the store going. Frodale says that when his mom died, there was nothing he could do about it. "But then, after Mrs. Leigh..." Frodale trails off. Dad puts a comforting hand on Frodale's arm and says, "Mitchell Cafferty is going to get his due, whether Gray finds him or not." How hard is it to find a dead guy? They just found one earlier. Okay, see, now I'm getting a little creeped out wondering what Frodale did with Mitchell's body and whether that new stack of hand-ground sausages in the store's freezer has anything to do with it. Dad goes on assuring Frodale that, someday, Mitchell is going to cross the wrong hobbit.
Mary's bar. Mary pours out some moonshine for Mom and pushes it toward her, saying, "I don't like to drink while I'm working." Mom starts out, "To be honest, I had difficulty understanding how many ways I dislike you." Mom pulls out a sheet of paper. Is it a "let me count the ways" list? I would love that! Mary also thinks it's a list and says, "Mrs. Green, I don't think I--" "Look," Mom interrupts her, "this will work a lot better if you just sit there and listen to what I say." Go, Mom! "What you and Eric did to April was awful. But she's going to get through this because she is one strong woman, but there's a baby on the way, and it happens to be my grandchild. And I intend to do everything I can to protect it from this world. But what you've done, I can't protect it from. You've divided the family. And as hard as that child's life is going to be, you have made it so much more difficult. I don't think that's something I'll ever be able to forgive." I am so happy Mom wasn't here to apologize for her rudeness in the street. I'm so sick of shows that do the right thing instead of the human thing. Mary Bailey is welling up, so she grabs the glass and takes a long swig of Pappy's moonshine. "Okay," she says and then talks about how her mom split on her family when she was a kid. "This is not about you," Mom interrupts. Didn't you just make it about Mary, Mom? Mary, being all spunky and owning a bar, repeats what Mom said about how this will go a lot better if she just sits there and listens. Mom raises her eyebrows slightly and hysterically. Mary goes on: she lies awake at night terrified that she has put April in the same position her dad was in, that she has put Eric and April's child in the same position she was in. Those must be the nights she's not doing Eric. "My mistake was falling in love with your son. I never should have let it happen, but it did. I know the cost and I know how wrong it is, but the problem is he loves me too. And I don't know how you undo that. So, if you want to go on hating me, if you never accept me, I can't say as I blame you." Mom stares at her, and then gets up and leaves. Mary breaks down a bit. Why can't we see Mom rip Eric a new one as well? I'd buy tickets for something like that.
Dovecote. Roger is still telling his story of the sublime and beautiful. He was wandering for days before he passed out in a field. Was it a field of poppies? "So there I was, middle of Nebraska, feeling like that was the place I was going to die," says Roger, "and then the strangest thing happened. There was a light in the sky. A bright light with a ring around it." Big deal -- he saw the Death Star explode. Roger goes on: he walked toward the light and, a few miles later, stumbled into the refugee camp. The light saved his life. So, the light was the North Star? Leading him to Bethlehem? A sale at Tower Records? Emily doesn't say anything, but she's totally thinking, "Jake wouldn't see random lights in the sky."
Black Jack. The Away Team meets up. Jake has been waiting to see if Russell and Ted's contact can help them out with the governator. Jake asks Dad if he saw the news, Dad rolls his eyes to indicate that he did. While Frodale acts shifty, the creepy, Cup-a-Soup-eating proprietor scoffs at the Away Team's offer of eight bags of salt for the part. Jake asks what it's going to take. Cup-a-Soup rasps that, just that morning, he turned away a guy offering eighty galloons of diesel for the part. As Jake talks about more salt than Cup-a-Soup and his oddly raised pinky can imagine, Cup-a-Soup just smiles ickily at all of them. Jake insists that they need to make that deal today. Cup-a-Soup keeps smiling. Russell suddenly speaks up: he will vouch for Jake. Why is he being so nice to them? Cup-a-Soup calmly agrees, and goes to get the part, explaining that governators aren't easy to make. While Jake introduces Russell to Dad, Frodale creeps into the back of the tent shop and takes a look around. What he sees is truly creepy: there are empty beds, with empty handcuffs attached to them. On one mattress you can see blood. Criminals? Slaves? Prostitution? "Mr. Mayor," Frodale calls. Dad cantankerously turns around to say, "No kidding, Dale, I am not the mayor anymore." Frodale just pulls back the curtain to show Dad the Backroom of Severe Creepiness. The rest of the Away Team gawps at the room as Cup-a-Soup returns and yanks the curtain back into place. Jake demands to know what the hell that room is all about. Cup-a-Soup retorts, "Are you conducting an inspection or are we doing a deal?" Dad says that they are not supporting "that," and that they'll find another solution. Cup-a-Soup decides that they're done, and starts yelling at them to get out. He slams the governator down on the counter and keeps screaming at them. The Away Team leaves, and Frodale, who is all kinds of idiot, eyes the part.
Outside Cup-a-Soup's place, Ted apologizes and says that they had no idea what Cup-a-Soup did. Shouldn't they report him? Russell did say that Cup-a-Soup doesn't report to the main tent, so maybe the whole of Black Jack isn't aware of what he does. As Jake starts to natter that they need the part, Dad suddenly realizes that Frodale isn't with them. Frodale then joins them, and Dad chastises him for wandering off. Frodale proudly shows them the part. Jake gasps, "Did you steal that?" Frodale insists, "He's a bad guy; he can't get away with that." Dad announces that they have to bring the part back before Cup-a-Soup realizes that it's missing. And that'll be, what, five seconds? Cup-a-Soup put it on the counter, when we know he normally stores it in the back. Frodale says that it's all okay because he was real sneaky, and went out the back. String the kid up. Soon they are encircled by guards, screaming, "Hold it!" Cup-a-Soup has led them straight to the Away Team. Jake and Dad try to reason with the unreasonable guards about not killing Frodale. The guards tell Dad that they can explain it to "management." Dad keeps bugging the guards until one of them shoves him and then calls him "old man." Dad punches the guard, and a fight breaks out. Jake gets involved too, but lands on the ground under a circle of rebars. Russell pulls a gun, which he evidently forgot to leave at gun check, and yells, "That's enough!" Dad helps Jake up while Russell continues to aim his gun and look menacing. I'd say I'm glad he's on our side, but I'm not entirely certain that he is.
Hawkins House. Allison wants Sarah to tell her about working for the FBI and how dangerous it is "out there." For those of you connecting the dots at home, Sarah says that she's been with the FBI for fourteen years; she started right out of college. Sarah reminds Allison that Darcy doesn't want her talking to them about what's going on outside of Jericho. However, since Allison points out that she's not a kid, Sarah tells her, "It's pretty bad out there." Allison tells Sarah that Hawkins has been teaching her how to shoot; she's not sure if she likes knowing, but it's the first time she can remember doing something with her dad.
Not able to handle the touchy-feeliness of Hawkins's life, Sarah picks up her BlackOpsberry, reads something, and goes to find Hawkins. We see a tiny blue screen that reads, "Locate and retrieve the package. Eliminate your contact." Sarah confirms that it's the Old Man, and that he's using Sarah and Hawkins against each other. She thinks they need to move now, since the Old Man knows where Hawkins is, but Hawkins isn't so sure that's what they should do. Sarah insists that only a few people know what they know, and that they have to keep fighting to stay alive. Hawkins proposes that they take out the Old Man together, even if it means they don't come back.
Upstairs, Darcy is cracking eggs into a bowl. She really needs to learn how to break an egg. In these tough times, she can't afford to waste half the white on the counter. Hawkins grabs a glass of water, and Darcy announces, "You're leaving, aren't you?" She knew it the moment Sarah walked into the house. Hawkins tells Darcy she has nothing to worry about, but Darcy isn't worried about herself; their kids need their father. After Hawkins tells his wife that he has to trust Sarah, Darcy turns to look at him. She says, "If she's a threat to this family's safety, if she's a threat to you, you KILL her." Hawkins is totally taken aback. "You understand?" Darcy presses. Hawkins doesn't say anything.
Black Jack. The members of the Away Team run to their car and squeal toward the entrance, where a big gate is being lowered. Dad orders Jake to stop the car. Jake doesn't stop the car. Dad explains that the car will not fit through the barricade. Jake doesn't stop the car. A big army truck barrels in front of Jake and heads toward the entrance. It's being driven by Russell. He aims his truck at a trailer to the entrance and blasts through it. Jake follows him. What's up with all those trashcan fires? Isn't there a fuel shortage?
Far away from Black Jack, the Away Team members thank Russell, and bid Russell and his New Bern crew a fond farewell. Russell promises that the Jericho crew will make it up to them someday. That sounds ominous. "However we can help," Jake agrees. Ted announces that he's been thinking about the windmills they want to build, and suggests to Heather that maybe the guys down at the old brake assembly plant can convert part of the plant and help build what Jericho needs. After all, New Bern could use a good salt source, because their food is woefully tasteless. Dad thinks it looks like they're going to be seeing a lot of each other. They all say goodbye. Jake looks back at Heather, who isn't making any moves to get into the car. See, she saw the governator and how it's put together, so she thinks she can help them to build them in New Bern. But she has to go with Ted and the New Bern crew. Jake protests feebly, but Heather argues that Jericho doesn't have the resources to make the governators. If they had a dozen full-sized windmills, Jericho could forget about gas completely. "You're just going to leave, right now?" Jake asks. Heather promises that it will only be for a few days. "You think this is a good idea?" Jake asks her. Instead of answering that, Heather tells Jake that the reason things didn't work out between them is because she's not dangerous: "I'm crossword puzzles and flannel pajamas and the occasional light beer. I was never going to be hazardous to you. That's how you tick." Jake tries to deny this, but Heather insists that it's true, and tells him it's okay, because otherwise Dad would probably be dead and she never would have met Jake on the school bus. Heather is trying to follow Jake's example by tossing caution to the wind and turning the lights on back home. Can't you just imagine Jake saying "I'm tossing caution to the wind!" "Just for a few days," Jake agrees. Yeah, but in few days Jake will probably forget that Heather was only supposed to be gone a few days. Also, what about the kids? Are they all just giving up on school? Will no one think of the children? Jake tells Heather to come back in one piece, and hugs her. Heather gets in the New Bern truck and leaves. So New Bern also burned their bridges with Black Jack with that little maneuver. Why are they so helpful?
Hawkins House. Hawkins washes dishes until Sam comes down with his toothbrush to announce that they are out of the "good toothpaste." Hawkins hands over a plastic baggie full of white stuff and says, "Here's the new stuff Mr. Daly made." Hey, it's sort of like when Ramona filled the sink with toothpaste and then had to put it all in a plastic bag. Just like a kid, Sam turns his nose up at the weird powdered stuff, and wants to know if his dad is playing a joke on him. Hawkins takes Sam's toothbrush and dips it in a cup of water before dipping it in the tooth powder and handing it back. Hawkins tells Sam that he never cried when he was teething, unlike most babies: "Your mom was worried, and the doctors were worried, but not me, because I knew you weren't sick. You weren't hurt, you were just brave. 'Cause you're the bravest person I know. You always have been." Sam asks what Hawkins is talking about. Hawkins chuckles and tells him he has to go to work tomorrow. He has an important meeting that's far away, so he might not be back for a few days. Sam looks up and asks if Hawkins is mad at him. "What?" Hawkins asks. "You're leaving," Sam explains simply. Hawkins frowns a bit, and then makes Sam listen to him. There is nothing that Sam, Allison, or Darcy could do that would make Hawkins want to leave them: "I love you -- you understand that, right?" Sam doesn't say anything, so Hawkins reaches out and grabs Sam's head with his hand. In a nice, caressing way. Not in an FBI/Michigan Militia, bombing-the-country, kidnapping-his-family sort of way.
Mary cleans up her bar and finds the piece of paper Mom was looking at when they had their little chat. It reads, "Be nice. She's going to be family some day." That whole chat was Mom being nice? Hate to see what she's like when you drip spaghetti sauce on the couch. Mary folds the paper and looks touched.
The Away Team minus Heather arrives back in Jericho and break it to Jimmy that they didn't get the governator. As Dad and Frodale unload the trunk, Dad gives Frodale a talking-to for being so damn stupid. Frodale understands, so Dad turns to Jake and demands, "And you -- you knew this car wasn't going to fit through the gate." Jake sighs, "I know. I heard you talking to me and I knew you were right." "Then why didn't you stop the car?" Dad asks. Jake doesn't know. Dad looks thoughtful. And confused. Skylar arrives on the scene to ask what Frodale got. He points at the bags, and Skylar trills, "Look at all this stuff! Oh, you did great!" Why is her voice so high? Frodale shakes his head and says, "This is nothing." He then asks how much of the salt mine Skylar's family owns. Skylar doesn't know, and asks why he cares about something that doesn't remotely belong to him. "Because I think we may be rich," Frodale tells her. "We"? When did they get married? Skylar stares at him, thinking, "I already am rich. That's my character." I don't get what Frodale is getting at.
Hawkins House. Hawkins checks in on Sarah, telling her he is glad she made it, and that they will leave first thing in the morning. He then goes upstairs to his bedroom with his wife. Sarah pulls out her BlackOpsberry and reads a message: "Have you located the package?" She types: "Not yet." Response: "How should we proceed?" Sarah types: "We use his family." She then looks up at the staircase where Hawkins disappeared to sleep with his wife. This, of course, could all be a bluff. She could be stringing the Old Man along, or, since the person she is texting asked her how they should proceed, she could be the Old Man. Or it's Linderman.
week: more about Hawkins's package, Stanley and Mimi reappear, and Jake gets into another car accident. I wonder if he'll get amnesia and forget all the random shit he knows. I hope not; we really don't need another Eric in the Green family.