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In the first half of the show, we learn that it's thirty-six hours before the bombs. We also learn that Hawkins is a bad, bad man. The Evil Dr. Mathra is still holding out for him to be "really, really good, he's just misunderstood," but he's bad, man! Or just a double agent. Hawkins knew about the bombs, HAD a bomb, and had a restraining order that prevented him from coming within five hundred feet of his estranged family. Speaking of his family, he kidnaps them. That's right, he flat-out loads them into the uncomfortable cab of some big truck and heists them right out of D.C. Oh, and the Family Hawkins manages to make the three-day trip from the District to Kansas in about a day in order to get there the night before the bombs go off. Because, apparently, U-Haul now has rentals that can rip the time-space continuum. Hawkins was supposed to deliver his bomb, potentially to Columbus, OH, but didn't. His kidnapped girlfriend -- who may or may not be bad and working for the bomb people -- turns up in Jericho with the rest of the refugees who aren't zombies. Meanwhile, Jake dreams little dreams of starting a flight school -- is that why he's drawn to schoolmarms of all shapes and hair colors? -- but owes a debt to a friend who saved his ass in Iraq when both of them were over there doing deeds for an independent contractor that may or may not be Ravenwood. However, said friend is eventually killed by Ravenwood when he and Jake attempt to run out on a job running arms, and Jake has to load the friend's pregnant fiancée on a bus. Back in contemporary Jericho, Mayor Dad is coming down with a flu or cold (SPOILER!), Mom is starving him (in order to POISON him), and Eric is just as wet raggy as ever with his bar wench. Turns out, though, that Before The Bombs, Mayor Dad was pressing Eric into running for the office in his stead. Ugh, do we care about Emily? Well, she and her fiancé got into a fight before he flew off to Chicago for a job interview she didn't want him to go on, but then she was sorry and almost kissed Jake (we knew that already, of course) and then was happy when the fiancé showed up in Jericho, all bearded and shocked and unzombied. This show rocks! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Hawkins was being Google Earthed by person or persons unknown. His computer told him that it would see him soon because it found it highly suspect that Hawkins plays ball with his son. I'll bet it finds it more suspect that Hawkins can't throw a football to save his life. Actually, on this show, it might actually come down to that. "Jake! We can't disconnect the doohickey from the thingamabob unless one of us throws a perfect spiral through the goal posts at Jericho High. Don't ask me why, just trust me."
Okay, here we go with the really bad idea of giving us timestamps. Seriously? If they had just dispensed with the "30 Hours Before the Bombs" and so on, I wouldn't have to smack this episode around too much. However, since it's Jericho, I do. Have I mentioned how much I love this show in all its dunderheaded glory? It's like having a crush on a big dumb jock.
Anyway, "8 WEEKS EARLIER" flashes ominously on the screen, and we're inside an airplane hanger. In San Diego, Jake -- looking oddly tubby and decidedly uncomfortable in a suit -- interviews for a pilot's job, "36 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS." The interviewer notes that Jake is an Embry-Riddle grad, and is "ATP Certified" with 1600 verified FAA flying hours. Jake proudly notes, "Flying's in my blood. I started working on my Grandpa's crop duster when I was ten." Yeah, well, traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy. Because the job in question would have Jake flying top executives and celebrity clients all over the place, absolute discretion is a must for their hired flight crew. "Hey, anything past getting the plane safely from A to B is none of my business," Jake grins. Unless A is a barbershop and B is a tattoo parlor. Interviewer is glad to hear this, and explains that it is incumbent on them to run background checks on their flight crew. Interviewer flips open a folder and notes, "You spent a little time in the Middle East over the last couple of years." Jake may have a severe hummus addiction, but he's now seeing a therapist and taking injections, so get off his back! Jake raises his shoulders defensively and prepares to deal with this: "Fourteen months in Afghanistan, six in Iraq." Man, we have waited so damn long to find that out, and it's all because Eric the Nitwit had his beard too far up his own cheating ass to follow up on Jake's statement at the Ravenwood-infested hospital. Eric's an idiot. Interviewer confirms that Jake was never military. Jake says that he worked for an independent contractor, which, Interviewer notes, he left off his résumé. Jake didn't think it was relevant. "The State Department has you flagged as a person of interest," announces Interviewer. Okay, first of all, "person of interest" is a term that law enforcement agencies like the FBI or the Justice Department use. However, what the State Department cares about is what non-U.S. citizens are up to for the purpose of denying visas. Maybe Jake isn't a U.S. citizen. Also, how is little ol' Jake a "person of interest"? Steven Hatfill is a person of interest because Ashcroft has some wild idea that he's an Anthraxy threat to our nation's security and welfare. Jake? Not so much. That we know. I also find it highly implausible that an individual's status as a "person of interest" is on a list that a private company would be able to access. It's the government that cares about that designation, and it isn't interested in making such a watch list public to any random fly-by-night company that wants to check up on someone. It would be classified information. Arrests and unpaid parking tickets, sure. Watch lists, not so much. But you know, that's why I love this show; I can argue until I'm blue in the face about how improbable all of this is, except that the way this show works? It totally could be.
Jake's response to all this is, "I'm an interesting guy." Interviewer stares at him steadily. Jake relents and admits that there was an "incident" and that he was "in the wrong place at the wrong time." Interviewer asks which contractor Jake was working for, which is just stupid. If Interviewer and his minions can find out (however erroneously) that Jake is a "person of interest," don't you think they could find out which indie contractor Jake worked for? Jake doesn't want to answer, and just says, "One of the big ones." "Halliburton? Blackwater?" asks Interviewer. Jake points out that Interviewer told him discretion was a must. Jake, I think you lost your case for discretion when you admitted that there was an "incident." Interviewer tells Jake that he thinks he'd be a good fit for the job, but that he's not going to trust Lindsay Lohan's soused and shaved vajayjay to Jake until he clears "this all" up. Jake nods resignedly and thanks Interviewer for his time. He leaves. Now, why won't Jake clear this Incident up? My guess is that Jake is protecting someone other than himself. That it's not just his secret to keep. Either that or he has amnesia. Or has an evil twin, Jack, who actually was the one involved in the incident. Hey, that would explain that it wasn't just abject smurfiness that kept him from remembering his and Emily's song. Interviewer stares incredulously at Jake's retreating back, amazed that someone would turn down the opportunity to fly Gallagher's watermelons hither and yon. Before Jake has even left the hanger, he's sliding on a pair of sunglasses that look far more Men In Black than they do Top Gun.
Washington, D.C. Hawkins sits in front of his laptop and half-watches a news report about the president's upcoming address coming amidst "growing disapproval." The president's approval rating is also in the toilet. Hell, with those kinds of signs, the bombs really could happen tomorrow. A leggy lass -- clad only in a man's button-down shirt, which is the little black dress of a sexual relationship -- saunters out of the background and leans behind Hawkins to click off the television. She kisses Hawkins, who tells her, "I've already been summoned, Sarah." Sarah looks sort of surprised. Hawkins goes on: "They want me in position." Sarah thinks that this is good news, and asks, "Are we talking locally or back to the farmland?" Hawkins is still waiting to hear. Sarah kisses her congratulations. "Well, it was your idea," Hawkins tells her. Sarah says, "I have to say that when they recruited me, I thought I was prepared for just about anything, but nothing like this." She means love. "Well, that's because nothing like this has ever happened before," says Hawkins, baring his teeth. He means bombs. Sarah drops the flirt and stares at him. Hawkins's phone rings. He grabs his cell and looks at it: "This is it." Sarah takes off for rooms unknown. Okay, I have to note how much I freakin' love the way Hawkins answers the phone. All he says is "YES?," but he flares his lips around his teeth so dramatically, he nearly swallows the phone along with big chunks of the scenery.
A fleet of nondescript white trucks drive on wet streets. Inside a warehouse, a man with a big-ass gun canters rather jauntily down some steps. The camera pans over to the trucks, where someone secures a barrel-shaped DEVICE in the back. Sort of looks like a big plastic trashcan. We get a shot of a small blue screen that reads, "Ready to receive code," which is followed by "3F68 AE1 49AR." It's totally someone's American Express card. The blue screen's dot matrix font then flashes, "ARMED." Some military-ish guy -- he's more "ish" than "military," but he's also wearing a greenish khaki shirt, so the effect is there -- tells a line-up of plainclothes men that all the devices are armed, and this is the moment they've been waiting for. So, they are going to drop trite scripts on all those cities? He passes out Manila envelopes and says that the other "cells" are receiving their instructions as they speak; the target cities have been confirmed; and their routes have been scouted and cleared. Hawkins opens his envelope and pulls out a AAA road map, a key, a thin stack of Benjamins (hopefully with non-consecutive serial numbers because otherwise, small bills are preferable for overthrowing the government), and a 4x6 card that reads "COLUMBUS, OH." The best part of all this is that the 4x6 card is laminated. LAMINATED! Because you don't want your target city to get wet or bent. Hawkins looks up at the military-ish guy, who says, "We're ready. The strike will go off tomorrow at precisely 8:05 Eastern." Which means, of course, that if Jake were interviewing for his celebri-jet job thirty-six hours before the bombs, he was having that interview at 5 in the morning, Pacific Time. Perfectly normal time to have a job interview, really. That's Time Inconsistency #1. Militia Man says, "Take a look around you, gentlemen." One of you will not be graduating. The four men look at each other. "These are the faces of the men who will change the world," Militia Man tells them. Behind Militia Man, several men with big-ass guns are standing IN THE OPEN AND SUNNY DOOR of the warehouse. You know, these guys are so stupid, I'm not so sure I want them dictating the new world order.
Tonight's Morse code message translates to "Laminate the world."
Ah, the perpetually wet streets of Jericho, KS. Who knew they got more rain than Portland, OR? Flags fly, and a braided girl wears a helmet as she pedals her banana-seated bike through the town. Do they still make banana seats for bikes? Those things were wicked comfortable. It's "33 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS." Let the record show that it is now either 9 or 10 in the morning in Jericho. (Part of Kansas is in Central Time, and the other part is in Mountain Time, so take your pick.) We're at City Hall, and Eric the Nitwit is panting at Mayor Dad's heels to tell his Daddy Dear that USA Today is having a contest to find the "Top Five Towns Under Five Thousand." Eric wants to submit Jericho as a contender. "Why, so some big developer can come in and start buying the town up, maybe turn Main Street into a strip mawwwwwl?" kvetches Mayor Dad, not a fan of Starbucks. Eric comments, "There are worse things than venti cappuccinos." Yeah, there's you. "Speak English," Mayor Dad orders him. Heh, I would have just gone with "Shut Up, Clone." Eric pleads that getting USA Today to recognize Jericho would make the kind of headlines that would bring out voters month. Mayor Dad drawls that he is not worried about beatin' Gray Anderson: "The people of this town have kept me in office for over twenty years. I will earn their votes by doing the job they hired me to do." Whoa -- twenty years? And he got voted out just because of a little ol' nuclear kerfuffle? Jerichoians are fickle, fickle individuals. Mayor Dad turns and jumps when he sees his wife and daughter-in-law bearing down on him. His wife has a fixed and firm smile on her frog face as she announces that Mayor Dad missed his check-up that morning, so April is using her lunch hour (at 9 or 10 in the morning) to make a City Hall call. Mayor Dad calls April "Doc" and says that he'll have to reschedule his physical for after the election. Mom marches up to him and orders, "Johnston!" He's going to do this whether he likes it or not. See, his exact physical condition will determine which poison Mom should use. If he's horse-healthy, she'll break out the arsenic in her homemade elderberry wine. However, if he's already ailing, she can just introduce a little light Staph into his shaving cut. Mom and April lay the groundwork for Mayor Dad's future and nearly deadly flu, and Mayor Dad submits to being examined in his office.
Back in San Diego, Jake meets up with a friend at a beachfront tiki bar. Jake despondently rips off his tie and tells his friend, Freddy, "So much for your lucky tie." Freddy commiserates by reading off a want ad that needs a driver who can travel. Yeah, to Iraq. Freddy attempts to assuage Jake's mood by offering him a drink. If it's still "33 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS," then they are tipping back their Cervezas at 8 in the morning, Pacific Time. Hey, I'm not judging, I'm just noting. I also acknowledge that Jake could have dicked around for a few hours after his 5 AM interview before he came to the tiki bar, but it would be strange for him not to go home to change first. Freddy whistles at a jean-skirted girl, and orders her to get them some beers. While Jake wonders at Freddy's manners, the girl throws attitude about being whistled at "like some dog," and says that Freddy's the worst tipper in there. Through all these "Latino" "accents," we learn that Freddy and Jean Skirt (Anna) are engaged. Jake congratulates Freddy on what must be a new engagement, and Freddy takes the time to wonder if Jake's still hung up on that "farm girl back in Iowa." "Kansas," Jake corrects him. "Same thing," retort Freddy and the rest of the country. Hey, I'm from Minnesota, and when people refer to my hometown as being in a "flyover state." I rejoice because it means they won't ever go and infest it. Freddy takes a call and leaves Jake to feel sorry for his lot in life.
D.C. Sarah totally breaks into Hawkins's computer and starts rifling through files. Hawkins calls and tells Sarah that the schedule has changed: "it" is happening during the president's address. He wants her to get all her shit together, and he'll be there as soon as he can. He has to get his kids first. Sarah starts to say that there isn't enough time, but Hawkins hangs up on her. Aw, it's hard to find a good man who will hang up on you after giving you news of a moved-up apocalypse. Sarah pulls up the "final list of intended targets," and we see Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Los Angeles, New York, Denver, Dallas, St. Louis, and Chicago. Hm, no Columbus or Atlanta at that point. Of course, they're scrolling like end credits, so it could mean anything. On the other side of the screen are listed the cities' corresponding coordinates. Now, I find that odd. If the various cell men are driving the bombs (or what we think are bombs) to the cities -- and not dropping them from the sky -- why would latitude and longitude be necessary? They've got the AAA maps, isn't that sufficient?
Back in San Diego, Jake congratulates Anna on her forthcoming nuptials, and we learn that Freddy wants Jake to be his Best Man. Freddy excuses Anna from their colluding presence and tells Jake that he has a gig lined up for them. Jake's suspicious and wants to know "what kind of gig." Explaining that it's the kind they're good at, Freddy says, "Cargo run -- quick in, quick out." And it's in Afghanistan. Jake is so not thrilled by this, and turns it town. He's sick of hummus. Freddy tries to badger him into it and says that with the $100,000 they'll earn, Jake can open his flight school and maybe go home and snag Emily back. Jake is amazed that Freddy would even ask this of him "after what [they] saw over there, what [they] did." Freddy insists that all they did was not get killed, but Jake points out that innocent people died, and that he sees it every single time he closes his eyes. Jake takes a swig of something dark and makes a whisky face. Guess they've moved on to the hard stuff. Still not judging. Freddy pleads that they are smarter this time, and that he's got Jake's back. Jake says that he can't go back there, and leaves.
Jericho. Roger -- who was once a snake on Charmed -- gets all corporate bad boy on the phone with some friend and bets him some box seats at Wrigley field. "No strings," Roger promises. "Swear on a stack of cheddar dogs." Oh my god, we get it, you don't need to spell CHICAGO out in lights. Roger gets off the phone, and Emily notes, with a touch of weariness, "Chicago again?" Roger greets her as "Teach," and asks if she's having a half-day. Instead of answering, Emily asks if Roger wants to help her with a syllabus and grading Animal Farm essays. Not so much. Instead, Roger wants her to get a sub and come with him to Chicago that night. Emily doesn't think that would send a good message to her students. Here's a message, Emily: your students don't care where you are. They're students. As far as they're concerned, you live in the schoolhouse. Roger offers to write a note for her: "Dear Kids, Sorry I can't teach you ungrateful brats today: I'm getting drunk on draft beer and having tons of Chicago-style sex." Is that like deep-dish bratwursts? Emily corrects Roger that it's "Chicago-style pizza." After some flirting, lip-biting, and blonde pouting, Emily finally agrees. Roger is thrilled.
Jake watches football at his apartment until Anna arrives to plead with him to go with Freddy on his job. Strange and shady characters ("like soldiers, but not") came to talk to Freddy, and when he came back, he had a black eye and told her he was going away for two months. She's worried, and she's pregnant, and she needs Freddy to come back alive. She also knows what Freddy did for Jake in Iraq; she knows Jake owes Freddy his life. So he should throw it away on this? Not.
D.C. Darcy is unloading groceries from the back of her car when Hawkins suddenly appears and scares her. Hawkins orders her not to make a scene. He then grabs at her and tells her that she has to come with him. Darcy shakes him off and reminds him that he's not allowed within five hundred feet of her or the kids. I pointed out to Mathra that Hawkins is so bad he has a restraining order, and Mathra's hopeful response was, "But it could be a good restraining order!" Hawkins shoves his face closer to his wife's and says, "Circumstances have changed, Darcy." He grabs at her upper arm again. Muted cries of "Mom!" can be heard, and Darcy looks over to see their two kids in the front seat of a nondescript white truck. Darcy breathes, "Oh, my god," and runs over. Hawkins follows at a steady pace, casting angry looks up at windows. Anyone who happened to be checking the weather is now dead. Also, how is there no one on the streets witnessing this very suspicious scene? Darcy pleads with her kids to unlock the doors, but they can't, for some reason. Now, why would that ever be a feature on these trucks? Darcy whips out her cell to call the cops, but Hawkins, standing behind her, rips it from her hand and slams it to the ground. Darcy tells Hawkins to let them out right now or she's going to start screaming. Start screaming anyway, Darcy. Hawkins says, "No, you listen to me very carefully. In five seconds, I'm getting in this truck and I am leaving Washington for good." Darcy tries to move past him, but he grabs her: "And I did not come here to discuss it with you. Now, you can either trust me or you can stay here and you will never ever see your children again." Darcy turns to peer at her kids, and Hawkins forces her to face his glare again. I think I know why Darcy has a restraining order against him.
"30 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS" makes it 11 in the morning Pacific Time, okay? But the angle of the sun in San Diego makes it look sunsetty. Jake meets Freddy on some dock to tell him that he'll do the job. Freddy and his black eye pull out some beers to celebrate Jake's death wish. After Jake notes Freddy's shiner, he asks who's hiring them. Freddy says, "It don't matter," because they know Jake and his reputation. Jake doesn't care about his rep and insists on knowing. Freddy admits that it's an offshoot of Ravenwood (DUN!). Jake is not happy about that. Freddy tells him not to worry, and hands him over a crackly envelope thick with cash. Since Freddy told Jake they'd get $30,000 up front and $70,000 when they were done, I assume this is $15,000? Freddy says that there's three times that waiting for him when he's done. What? The ratio between $30,000 now and $70,000 later is not 3:1. Tell me who's dumber: Freddy or this show? Jake's still a little black rain cloud about the whole business.
Jericho. April leaves an attorney's office and looks around furtively. It's a small town, April; someone's going to see you. She lugs a large envelope to her car and opens it as soon as she gets in to expose the blue-backed divorce papers. April is sad.
You know who isn't sad? Eric's mistress. Over at the only bar in town, Mimi pouts in her black East Coast suit and looks around. Stanley sits up and gives up his stool for her. See? Because there was an attraction from the start. Mimi smiles and walks over. Just in case Mimi is as simple-minded as most Jerichoians are, Stanley slaps the padded stool and says, "It's all yours." Mimi thanks him. "Yeah, I hate sitting when I got money on a game," Stanley adds, to explain why he was...sitting. Still standing oddly close to Mimi, Stanley watches the game over her shoulder and screams when something happens. Mary groans, and Stanley announces that she now owes him five bucks. See, in the Middle West, they don't play for high stakes -- it's all just good clean fun. Mimi grabs her head and rubs it. Stanley tells Mary to put his winnings toward buying Mimi, "his good luck charm," a drink. Mimi orders him not to waste his money, because she has an expense account and is a bitchy East Coaster. Before Stanley can ask what an expense account is, Mimi hands over a card and asks, with a smile, "What is your best wine?" "Beer," Mary tells her flatly. So, that white wine Mimi was drinking in the first episode? That was what -- her worst wine? I think Mary's a bit of a chip-on-the-shoulder bitch. "Ooh, I own a bar. Ooh, I hang with the guys. Ooh, I have cleavage and affairs with married men." Mimi smiles firmly at Mary and orders a vodka rocks, while Stanley continues to chuckle oddly at this woman who rebuffed his smooth advances. Mimi wonders if Stanley realizes that it's a three-hour cab ride from the airport "to this godforsaken town." Stanley bobs his head: "Scenic, though, ain't it?" "If you like corn," Mimi retorts. Or anvils. Stanley goes on a Bubba Gump rant about all the things you can make with corn, and ends with "cornsicles." "'Cornsicles'?" Mimi asks while Mary pours her drink. "It's a joke, lady," Stanley explains. Mimi requests, "Can you not talk to me, please?" Heh. Stanley laughs uncertainly and then stands there not knowing what to do, as Mimi calmly sips her drink. "Corn chips," Stanley offers, picking up a bowl. "Seriously, don't talk to me," Mimi says. Mary gets a call from Eric and breathily asks if she's going to see him that week, or if she's going to have to use some other wet rag to mop up her bar. Eric tells her to turn around. HE'S CALLING HER FROM INSIDE THE BAR! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Eric wants to kiss her, so Mary tells him to step inside her office. By which she means her pants.
Mom firmly puts down a plate in front of Mayor Dad: on it are a thin strip of grilled chicken, two patty pan squash, and two zucchini squash. Mayor Dad grumbles at the spa diet as Mom says that his blood pressure was too high, so there are going to be some changes "around here." Okay, but, see, cutting back on red meat and fats is one thing, but not allowing the guy to eat as many veggies as he wants? That's unhealthy. Especially if he's fighting any sort of bug. Starve a cold, poison a fever. Mom wants Mayor Dad to drop out of the election race because when April gave him his physical, she began to wonder how many good years they have left together. And whatever that number is, she wants to shorten them. Supposedly, when Mayor Dad was sworn in to office, he made two oaths: one to the town and one to Mom. Mayor Dad promised Mom that he would never let the job come before her and the kids. "I'm just asking for equal time," Mom says, proud that she used election lingo. Mayor Dad understands.
In a random alley, Hawkins parks the nondescript white truck and tells his ex-family that they'll stay put while he does something. Allison gives him attitude when she hears that Hawkins plans on taking them out of the District, and Hawkins grabs and shakes her: "Listen to me! I would never do anything to hurt you, your mother, or your brother!" And that starts...NOW. Hawkins demands to know if Allison believes him. "I barely know you," Allison reminds him, shakily. You can see why they might have a problem with the whole trust thing. Darcy tells Hawkins that he's scaring Samuel. Hawkins wrenches Allison out of his grasp and says, "UNscare him, Darcy." Failing that, unbreak his heart and say you'll love him again. Hawkins gets out of the truck and locks them in. Darcy asks Allison if she has her cell phone. She doesn't; Hawkins took it from her. For some reason Samuel, who is, like, eight, has a cell phone, and Hawkins didn't take it. Darcy calls 911.
San Diego. NO IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS. Jake walks into his apartment to find a few shady government types waiting for him. "What do you want, Agent Hicks?" Jake name-drops. Hicks notes that Jake's name showed up on an international flight manifest. Although Hicks doesn't yet have Jake on a no-fly list, he thought he and Jake could work out a deal. He opens a folder and shows Jake some photos of dead Iraqis. Jake looks away. Hicks says that Jake is about to get involved with some very bad people, but luckily, Hicks and his undisclosed entity are currently looking to nail Ravenwood. "They did that?" Jake states, referring to the photographs. Hicks explains that Ravenwood has been running weapons since the start of the war and will sell to anyone, even to America's enemies. Hicks and his undisclosed entity need someone working for them, someone Ravenwood finds credible. When Jake wonders why he'd say yes to them, Hicks pulls out a photo of Freddy and Jake talking on the dock and says, "Because you know first-hand what they're capable of." Okay, all that photo shows is that Hicks is capable of spying on Jake and going to a Kinko's to use their printer. Why is that at all intimidating?
Hawkins bursts into his apartment to fetch Sarah, and sees that the place has been ransacked. Photos are askew, and Hawkins's Samsonite laptop is on its side. Why didn't They take his computer? And, forgive me, but when apartments are ransacked, the ransackers don't usually make sure to lock the door behind them. Hawkins clearly had his keys in the door when he opened it. Pulling out his gun, Hawkins stalks around carefully. After checking behind the shower curtain to make sure Sarah isn't just taking a quiet bubble bath, he tries to call Sarah's phone. It rings inside the apartment. Hawkins pockets it, grabs his gorilla-proof computer, and leaves.
In the alley, a squad car pulls up behind the nondescript white truck, and two cops pull guns on Hawkins, telling him to drop his computer and walk toward them with his hands in the air. Nonchalantly, Hawkins complies and admits that the nondescript white truck is his. One of the cops tells Hawkins to open the back. Calmly, Hawkins scrolls the back door up and reveals the device. It sort of reminds me of the fish barrel the Antedians fed from in the TNG episode "Manhunt." Cop 1 is all, "The hell?," but then the truck's horn blows. "Cuff him," Cop 1 orders, darting off. "Hands behind your back," Cop 2 orders. Hawkins gives him a look. Running to the front of the truck, Cop 1 finds Hawkins's ex-family and reassures them that he's going to get them out. Meanwhile, having dispatched Cop 2, Hawkins comes up behind Cop 1 horror movie-style, and drops him with a blow to the back. Or neck. Allison screams. Hawkins looks maaaad.
Jericho. It's dark, and there are candles on the tables of Mary Bailey's bar. Eric joins his dad for a beer; it's now "24 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS," which makes it 6 in the evening. And it's dark. Did I mention that it's dark? Because twenty-four hours from now, when they see the mushroom cloud in the sky, it's NOT dark. It's barely twilight. It's hardly sundown. That's all I'm saying, people. This year's new daylight savings couldn't have screwed them up that much. Unless, of course, Mary Bailey's bar is like the Vegas casinos, except instead of pumping in oxygen, Mary pumps darkness around her bar so that people don't feel bad about drinking. Eric and Mayor Dad have a heart-to-heart about how, when Mayor Dad took office, Eric was in third grade. "Second," Eric corrects. "My team won the pee-wee football trophy that year. I scored two touchdowns in the championship game." Eric dorkily simulates catching and trapping a football against his chest. "Hard to remember back that far," says Mayor Dad. Hard to believe Eric was ever that coordinated. Eric points out that Mayor Dad doesn't remember because he wasn't at the games. Excuse me, but this isn't a big city; what is it that keeps a small-town mayor so all-fired busy that he can't attend his son's games and has his blood pressure is acting up? I mean, in San Francisco, we have a mayor who has time to gel his hair, have affairs, AND go to rehab. "Well, your mother is afraid that if I keep going the way I'm going, we're going to end up missing more than pee-wee football," Mayor Dad admits. Dude, Eric is thirty. I think you already did miss more than pee-wee football. Enough of this cats and cradles and men in moons: Mayor Dad wants Eric to run for mayor in Dad's stead. Well, he's already got the same damn beard, so just tell everyone that Mayor Dad suddenly got really healthy and spineless. Eric is flummoxed. Mayor Dad goes on to say that Eric has lived clean in Jericho his whole life, unlike his brother Jake, and Mayor Dad would like to think that, with Eric in office, Dad might still have some influence. Mayor Dad also points out that Eric has a law degree. "Which I plan on using someday. I plan on doing a lot of things someday," Eric admits. Including leaving your pregnant wife for a bar wench. "Nothing you've been sharing with me," says Mayor Dad. Wake up and smell the Harry Chapin, Mayor Dad: you're the most distant father in Jericho. At that strategic moment, Mary comes over to drop off Eric's beer. So much for the clean living. Mayor Dad tells Eric to take the night to think about it and talk it over with April. His WIFE.
San Diego. It's dark, and Jake arrives at the tiki bar to tell Freddy that they can't do the job because the cargo they'd be shipping are stinger missiles -- RPGs. Freddy doesn't care. Jake explains that Ravenwood is going to sell them to the insurgents to kill U.S. soldiers. Freddy doesn't say anything until Jake tells him that the Feds are on to the whole plan and want Jake and Freddy to inform on Ravenwood. Freddy is more worried about Ravenwood than he is about the government. Jake explains that they don't have a choice. Freddy casts a pained look at Anna. Jake tells Freddy to get Anna and his money together, and that they'll take off that night.
Jericho. While Emily and Roger brazenly walk the streets of Jericho eating ice cream, Emily simpers that no one from her school had better see them, because it would make it pretty hard for her to get on the plane to Chicago. So it's a good thing you are walking around the main drag of a tiny little town. Roger announces that, in Chicago, you can walk for miles in the city and not run into anyone you know. And then you could walk for miles into Cabrini-Green and get shot by no one you know. Roger goes on about Chicago's pizza, Cubs, and culture. Emily wonders what he's getting at, because living in Jericho has tenderized her tiny brain. Roger reveals that he's going to Chicago for a final job interview at a venture capital firm. Emily is pissed. She calls Roger a jerk and walks away. Roger insists that they have to talk about it. And they're being really loud, so good luck keeping your Chicago trip under wraps there, Emily. There's nothing a small town loves so much as public domestic issues. Hell, it's Stars Hollow's main energy source. "We have talked about this," Emily reminds Roger angrily. Roger says, "This is not the kind of opportunity you can just say no to." "Really?" Emily asks. "NO! There, how's that?" Wow, that's brilliant. No wonder she's responsible for molding the delicate minds of Jericho's youth. Emily whines that she can't believe Roger's doing this when they're supposed to be married in a few months. Roger asks, "Why do you think I'm doing this?" "Because you're selfish and you don't listen," Emily snaps. Oh, HE'S selfish? What about your uncompromising and very odd insistence that you stay in Jericho so close to your rather violent dad? Roger wants to know what it is about the town that's got Emily so addicted to it. "This town is my history -- it is everything that I know and love," Emily whines. What about ROGER'S history? Maybe Chicago is everything HE knows and loves. What the hell is HE supposed to do for a living in Podunksville? Emily tells him to eat her plane ticket to Chicago, and announces that if he takes the Chicago job, he had better not to bother coming back. Unless he's a zombie.
It's dark and very night and in this dark night, the Hawkins family pulls up in their nondescript white truck. Now, people on the boards with actual experience have said that you could drive from D.C. to western Kansas in twenty-two hours. But this is the big problem: the Hawkins family left D.C. while it was still light -- and if you argue that maybe they left after sunset, it just makes it worse -- and then they get to Jericho when it's dark, after which they appear to have a full plate of activities the day. Right? Hawkins is in the basement; Darcy is breaking windows and pulling guns, okay? Best case, let's say they are arriving pre-dawn -- say, 5 in the morning. Now, let's count back twenty-two hours and account for two hours of time change; that puts their departure at 9 in the morning (Eastern) the day. Problem is, when Hawkins is calling Sarah from the nondescript white truck to say that he's going to get his kids, it's "33 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS," which makes it 11 in the morning, Eastern. And he still hasn't left the District. Twenty-two hours from 11 in the morning puts their arrival in Jericho after daybreak. But it's not even that early, because THEN we get a timestamp telling us it's "30 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS," and Hawkins is just arriving at his ransacked apartment. So, three hours later -- 2 in the afternoon -- they are still in D.C., and that certainly puts their Jericho arrival at a time when it would not have been dark outside. You think they made that drive in seventeen hours? Because I don't. This would have all been fine if the show producers hadn't been so wedded to their timestamps, because we could have just accepted that various plots were on slightly askew timelines. Hawkins lets his family inside the house, and Samuel announces, "I'm tired!" There are boxes everywhere. Hawkins locks the door and tells Allison to take Samuel and herself up to one of the two bedrooms and go to sleep. Allison wants to know whose stuff is in all the boxes, and who lives there. "We do," Hawkins tells her angrily. Darcy tells Allison to go upstairs; Darcy will be up later. Once the kids have gone, Darcy admits that she's too tired to fight, but she promises that, come tomorrow, she's calling the cops. "But you know, come tomorrow, a whole lotta things will be different," Hawkins promises her intensely.
Jake packs a bag and grabs his envelope of money. Someone pounds at his door; when Jake opens it, Freddy falls in. He's been shot in the stomach. He groans that Ravenwood shot him, and while Jake stuffs blankets under his shirt to stop the bleeding, Freddy begs Jake to find Anna and get her out of town. Jake calls 911. Freddy dies all over his floor.
Albuquerque. Jake and Anna are in a bus bay, saying goodbye. Anna can't believe Freddy's dead. "12 HOURS BEFORE THE BOMBS," Jake apologizes while Anna cries. Anna knows it's not Jake's fault. Jake tries to hand over his envelope of money, telling her to take it for the baby. Anna refuses, saying that her family will take care of her. Jake insists on giving it to her, because he promised Freddy. Anna finally takes it. A train departure for Houston is announced, so Anna and Jake hug. Jake turns down Anna's offer to go with her and start over, because he's got his own demons to conquer.
Jericho. Mom looks at picture of Paris on her laptop, and plans her life insurance-funded trip. Mayor Dad comes in and announces that he hates France. Mom looks at more pictures, bitterly noting that she studied French and Italian for four years, and all she can remember is her name, how to count to ten, and how to ask for a packet of sugar. Is her name any different in French or Italian? Mayor Dad tells Mom, "Book the trip." "I don't think they take reservations six years in advance," Mom notes. The phone rings as Mayor Dad says, "I was thinking more like Christmas." Mom answers the phone but is so flummoxed by the idea of Christmas in Europe that she doesn't do more than press the button. "What the hell, we'll go in for Italy as well," announces Mayor Dad. Mom smiles, and they both hear -- because old people have supersonic hearing -- Jake's voice saying, "Hello? Hello?" Mom blanches and puts the phone up to her ear, rasping, "Jake?"
On another phone -- or answering machine, actually -- Emily plays back a message from Roger as she sits in her towel. Roger hopes she hasn't run off with another man yet. Emily chuckles at this. Odd senses of humor in Jericho. Also, what's up with the candle glowing behind her? It's morning! Who lights candles in the morning? See, even before the EM pulse, Jericho seems to have a weird and dangerous relationship with candles. Roger says that he didn't go on the interview, that his home is where Emily is, and that he's flying home that night, and hopes she'll meet him at the airport.
Jake drives across the Kansas state line. And drives. And drives.
Jericho. Stanley drives through the wet (again) streets of Jericho, and finds Mimi standing on a curb. She's waiting for a cab. Stanley suggests that she ask someone nicely for a ride; this is where Stanley finds out that Mimi's there to audit him. Stanley is so delightfully homespun that he admits that he doesn't open his mail because it's all "bills and bad news." I think I know why he's being audited.
Hawkins's cement-block basement. Hawkins types a message: "Assuming you have been compromised. If able, proceed directly to rally point to --" Elsewhere, Mayor Dad and Mom prepare to watch the president's address, and Emily hangs a "Welcome Home Roger" sign even though he's only been gone for a day. The president talks about threats of terrorism. Hawkins is still typing when a video chat request comes in. It cracks me up that Hawkins's Samsonite laptop with all its secure software would still call something a "chat" rather than an "interface" or something less filled with tea and cookie connotations. Hawkins accepts the chat and is suddenly staring at Sarah's face. She types, "Robert, you need to deliver the package." Hawkins responds, "Negative. Where are you?" Why didn't he just type "no"? It takes less time. Sarah looks furtively behind her. This prompts men in black ski masks grab Sarah from behind and pull her away from her computer. One black mask types, "Deliver the bomb or she dies." Then the connection is lost with nary an angry emoticon. Hawkins struggles with himself until he hears glass breaking upstairs.
Jake drives and listens to the president's address on the radio, just like in the pilot.
Hawkins wanders upstairs, and Darcy pulls gun on him, ordering, "Not another step." Why did she break the window? Hawkins wants to know where the kids are. Darcy wants the keys. Are you telling me that not only did they get a truck that can't be unlocked from the inside, but now they found a house that does the same thing? How does that even work? Hawkins tells Darcy that she doesn't even know how to use the gun. Darcy yells at Hawkins that she doesn't want to shoot him, so he had better give her the keys. Allison yells for Darcy to come look at something. Darcy turns away to yell that he should stay outside. Okay, so they don't need to unlock the house, so why the broken glass? Hawkins takes advantage of Darcy's distraction to expertly wrench the gun from her hand. He quickly tucks it in his pants as Allison appears at the broken window to frantically announce that something is happening outside.
Jake's radio fuzzes. So, is Jake now on his way out of town? Because he didn't see the bomb until after he left town. And, again, I'm not buying the fact that it's still pretty light outside. Mayor Dad and Mom's television fuzzes. Darcy, Allison, Samuel, that kid on the roof, and Jake stare at the mushroom cloud in a very blue sky. Jake slams into that station wagon. Other people look at the mushroom cloud.
It's now present-ish day. "8 WEEKS AFTER THE BOMBS," Hawkins hammers away at his Samsonite laptop and watches himself get tracked with that curiously weapons-grade Google Earth. Jake and Emily dance and almost kiss. The non-zombies trudge into town. Outside, Eric tells Jake that the non-zombies' plane went down in the middle of nowhere, and the non-zombies been walking for weeks. "They must've gone through hell," Jake notes. Or just Kansas. Emily catches sight of Roger, who has somehow managed to grow a red beard. Emily asks him, "Is that really you?" The red beard confused her.
Inside Mary's bar, we see that pitchers don't always pour beer, as water is doled out. Hey, when are they going to run out of water? Eric and Mary confab about how the generator is going to shut down in an hour. Even generators have curfews. Mary points out that the zombies need a doctor. Emily tends to Roger. Jake comes over to ask if there are any more people out there. "Twenty-one men, thirty-two women," Roger tells him. Is that the number of people that are still out there, or the number of people in Roger's group? Some precision would be appreciated here. Jake says that he'll take a headcount. Emily gingerly dabs at Roger's face with a napkin. He doesn't appear to be bleeding, so maybe she's just cleaning his face? Emily asks what happened to him. Roger says that they waited in a field for two days after their plane went down, but that no one came. Eventually, he decided to go for help, and he walked a long time before he wound up in a refugee camp in Nebraska. Most of his current group is from there. Who set up the refugee camps? Emily can't imagine what Roger's seen out there. Is it any worse than what they've seen in Jericho? I mean, she killed a man. Roger appears to be staring off into space. You do that when you've been walking for weeks. "Roger," says Emily pointedly, and he turns his face back to hers. "I said I can't imagine what you've seen," Emily repeats. Then stop trying to make him reimagine it, God. "Couldn't have imagined it either," Roger replies.
Hawkins's house. There are candles everywhere. I count thirteen in the dining room alone. If Season 2 isn't Jericho: Blockade, it will certainly be Jericho: The Candle Shortage. Hawkins tells Darcy to keep the kids inside the house until he straightens something out. "What does that mean?" Darcy wonders. Hawkins: "It means you stay inside and you don't answer the door. Okay?" Samuel shoves a picture into Hawkins's hands. He drew them playing catch. Evidently, he's got Google Earth as well. Darcy sends Samuel off to get his sister. Darcy asks if they are in danger. Hawkins doesn't answer. "I've asked you that question a thousand times; you've always said no," Darcy points out. Hawkins gently tells her that he doesn't mean to scare her, and then forces a smile. "I'll do whatever you say; I trust you," Darcy tells him.
Bailey's Bar. Mayor Dad and April walk in with Eric. "We're going to need more water," April says. "As much as you can make." She looks at Mary, who hands over a list she made of injuries the refugees have suffered. April takes the list and walks away. Emily meets Jake at the coffee station and pulls out a pot of hot water that apparently isn't for the injured. She makes a cup of tea. Jake asks how Roger is doing. "I think he might be in shock," Emily opines brilliantly. I don't think her students are going to do so well on their SATs. Roger selflessly doesn't want to be treated until everyone else has been taken care of. Emily starts to say something, but Jake interrupts her and sends her back to her fiancé because he needs her. Emily slumps away. I do not feel sorry for them.
April tells a refugee that she has moderate frostbite and needs to keep the areas clean and warm. April then asks one of the most boneheaded questions, trying to find out if she has a place to stay. Honey, they're REFUGEES! By definition they don't have places to stay! This is all just set up so the camera can swing around when April asks, "Do you know anyone in Jericho?" and we see Sarah answer, "Actually, I do."
week: Jake busts through a wall. It's going to be awesome.