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They put the "Especially if you like corn" line in the previously! Hee. The mysterious Jonah (who was Dexter's dad, and also Zarek's ex) gets all Darth Vader-y on one of his flunkies when he finds out that Mitchell is in jail. After that, subplots are busting out all over, so try to keep up. Numero one-o: Gray comes back and says that New York survived, but DC didn't. Also, he wants to start his own personal Homeland Security investigation, starting with Hawkins. Numero two-o: Hawkins learns that, during his absence, Darcy had an affair with a guy in DC. Which means that he's dust, so problem solved. Numero three-o: Skylar trades an antique jewelry box to Gracie for a case of soda. But then she finds out NYC is A-OK, and since her parents might be alive, she wants the jewelry box back. Unfortunately, Gracie is turning into Gollum, so Dale steals the box, quits his job, and is rewarded when Skylar offers to put him up. Numero four-o: Dad almost dies. Again. April says that he needs Cipro, which they get can find ninety miles away in a place called Rogue River. Take a deep breath before starting numero five-o: Jonah comes to town, and Jake makes a deal. If they let Mitchell out of jail, Jonah will give the town the food he liberated from Dale's train. But with Dad out of commission, Gray nixes the deal. So Jonah's flunkies go and liberate Mitch. Jake negotiates a new plan: Jonah can sell his pilfered supplies through Gracie's, and buy goods from the town. As a signing bonus, Jonah gets to talk to Emily, who turns out to be his daughter. The kid who died because of something Jake didn't do was Chris, her brother. Dun dun DUN! With that (kind of) sorted out, Jake and Eric prepare to drive off to Rogue River. Before they leave, Heather gives Jake a kiss, and then tells him to "watch out for giant, irradiated hands." Or possibly "ants," but the captions said "hands," and it sounded like there was a "D" at the end. Either way, I hope it was foreshadowing. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Scouts from Jericho were sent out in "every direction." Except up. Emily and Jake reminded us that this is a show about, and for, people who really like corn. I hope that clip becomes the new "Handsome man saved me from the monsters."
We start out at the "compound" we heard about last week. It looks like a big warehouse-ish building with some adjoining sheds and trailers. A guy named Pete strolls into an area outside where a few guys are working on a truck, and asks for Jonah. Pete announces that Mitchell was arrested. He explains about their horse-thievery. Jonah keeps working on the engine as he says, "Well, Mitchell is an idiot." Pete adds that the horses they took belong to Dad, and nervously mentions that Mom got "knocked around a little -- not bad though!" Jonah stands up with a stern expression, and grabs a propane torch as he approaches Pete. He holds the flaming torch casually, and asks whose idea it was to take the horses. Pete says that it was Mitchell's idea, and whimpers an apology. Jonah turns the torch off, and then quickly presses the nozzle against Pete's cheek. Pete yelps, and Jonah says, "Apology accepted, Captain Needa." Or the first part, anyway. Jonah marches away, and I think that I'd much rather watch a show about these people. Or at least about Jonah. I admit, his flunkies seem about as dumb as the townsfolk, but at least Jonah himself seems competent.
Cut to Jericho, where people are setting up Halloween decorations on a closed-off part of Main Street. I can sorta accept this as being something they decided to do because it'd be a little bit of normalcy for the kids. Though I'd like to see a scene where some parents have to discourage their children from dressing up as anything that might get them mistaken for a zombie.
Cut to the jail. Mitchell is singing, "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" to creep people out. "The Teddy Bear's Picnic" works better. Good Cop tells him to quit it, and Mitchell smirks and asks where Jake is. Good Cop explains that Jake's feverishly working on his "Captain Jake Swallow" costume, and Mitchell says that when Jonah turns up, he'll want to speak with Jake. Good Cop says, "Whatever." Mitchell goes on trying to be ominous that everyone better be ready for when Jonah arrives, and then Good Cop gets bored and wanders off.
Mayor's office. Jake and Eric are sitting there, deep in thought. Finally, Eric breaks the silence, saying, "But how does noncommutative geometry affect K-theory?" No, no, they're reminiscing about candy. Eric recalls that Jake would trick or treat in multiple costumes so he could hit the same house several times. Jake says that everyone but Eric did the same thing. I'm not sure that's less work than just walking a little farther and going to new houses, but whatever.
Outside, Heather and Emily are looking over the pumpkins as Emily shares her own tales of Jake's youthful hijinks. Apparently, she was always a bag lady, so she could carry Jake's extra costumes. But she must have changed costumes, too, right? I guess her costumes all featured luggage prominently. Heather chuckles that they were like "a little Bonnie and Clyde." After an awkward pause, Heather asks if it's "inappropriate" for her to ask Emily about Jake. Emily realizes that Heather has a thing for Jake, and advises her to be careful. The counseling session is interrupted when Emily spots Jake's car pulling up in front of Town Hall. The street is wet again. What is up with that? Jonah gets out, and Emily omigods and tries to express shock. So basically, she looks like she's about to sneeze.
Inside, Bad Cop is shuffling through some paperwork. Boy, I guess the crush of people with complaints last week was an anomaly, since the place is deserted now. Or maybe everyone left because of Mitchell's singing. Jonah greets Bad Cop, who turns as he's saying, "Can I help --" and then stops upon seeing who he's talking to. He finally gets his mouth working again to finish, "--You?" Jonah says that he wants to post bail for Mitchell. Bad Cop is rescued when Jake strolls out of the office to say howdy. Jonah smirks at him and says, "Been a long time." Been a long, long, long lonely time. Jake nods. And with that pulse-quickening thrill, we fade out.
Credit. Props to ConanGrammarian, who's been consistently funny in the forums and deserves special praise for coining the phrase "Lynching of disbelief."
When we return, Mitchell's singing again in the background. Jonah allows that Mitchell may have caused some trouble. Jake snaps, "Don't be surprised! Mitch doesn't get out of bed in the morning without running it by you first." Jonah mildly says, "I'm not sure that's true." Remember, being menacing doesn't mean you have to be rude. He repeats that he's there to post bail , and Jake says that Jonah needs to return the food he stole. Is he returning it to the train? Because I'm pretty sure it didn't belong to Dale, or the town, in the first place. Jonah makes that same point, saying, "What belongs to who is getting to be a fuzzy science" He says he'll see what he can do. Jake adds that Jonah and his gang will have to stay away from Jericho. Maybe they should just post signs on the road that read, "You must be this dumb to enter," with a picture of Homer Simpson. Jonah asks why Jake is entitled to speak for the town. Jake just says, "Do we have a deal?" Jonah finally shouts at Mitchell to shut up, and agrees to Jake's proposal. Bad Cop folds his hands together like he's thinking, "Just as I planned, mwa ha ha!"
Richmond Ranch. Mimi's eating dry cereal in the breakfast nook. Stanley enters with a pail of milk and snarks that if she's awake, it must be noon. Why doesn't Stanley have a dog? This question brought to you by my memories of my grandfather waking me up by sending his dogs in to wake me if I dared to sleep in. Not that Stanley should necessarily do that to Mimi, although it would be funny, but my point is -- he's a farmer, and we know they've got chickens. Shouldn't he have a dog? Anyway, Mimi tells Stanley she's been up for a while, and adds, "Close the front door -- what, were you born in a barn?" And then after a beat, she very seriously asks, "Were you born in a barn?" Stanley says that joke hasn't gotten any funnier in the past week. Oh, so I guess a week has passed since the last episode. Only two-week gaps merit the semi-omniscient captions. Mimi mentions finding some "stale cornflakes," and Stanley pours some fresh-from- the-cow milk over the bowl. Then Mimi is grossed out because it's warm, and I'm grossed out because it's raw milk. Since she doesn't want it now, Stanley happily digs into the cereal. Then he asks where the funnel is, so he can bottle the milk, and that sets up a thing where Mimi explains that she rearranged the kitchen to move nonessential items out of "the triangle." She says that the triangle contains the three critical areas: "Sink, stove, and prep." Well. Maybe the fridge doesn't work, so she substituted "prep." But would there be microchips in Stanley's refrigerator? And if so, what the hell is he going to do with that milk? I'm so confused. Stanley teases Mimi about how he's waited all his life to find out about the triangle. Mimi huffs, "We have sarcasm in D.C., y'know." Oh, really, do we ?
Gracie's. Gracie accepts a pair of candlesticks as payment. In an aisle, Skylar moans to Dale that Gracie promised to save a case of diet soda for her. Gracie overhears, and says that she "tucked it away when [they] agreed on a price." Skylar hurries over and hands Gracie a wooden jewelry box, which she claims is an antique. Gracie asks if Skylar is sure she wants to make this trade. She is, so Gracie tells Dale to fetch the soda from where it's hidden "to [his] cot." At that, Skylar looks at Dale and asks, "You're still sleeping here?" Dale ignores the question and goes to get the soda.
Cut to Casa Green. Dad is on the couch, and on the coffee table are bottles of pills (with neatly typed prescription labels), books, tissues, and a glass of water. In which Dad is dipping a thermometer. Mom enters, making "woooooo" noises as she presents a jack-o'-lantern, and Dad quickly pulls the thermometer back and pops it into his mouth. Mom stops making spooky sounds and accuses Dad of cooling the thermometer. Mom lectures him that he needs to rest, take his pills, and admire the jack-o'-lantern. Dad coughs as Mom adds, "And then we are going to eat said pumpkin together, because we use every part of the buffalo in this house." Dad agrees, but says he's done taking the meds because "[he's] not gonna be the reason this town runs clean out of antibiotics." Mom pops the thermometer back into Dad's mouth as she says, "There may come a day when this town needs you to be a hero again, but today is not that day." They are so freaking cute! These two should really be on a better show. One where they get more than five minutes of screentime per week.
Johanna calls me and asks if the show reminds me of Angel, and I shriek, "Oh, my God, yes!" Except then it turns out that she thought Mom's speech just then was reminiscent of the "Not this girl, not this day" idiocy, whereas I was just thinking of how Mitchell was acting like Angelus. Only less menacing. And when you're less menacing than Angelus, the only thing you can menace is fluffy kittens.
Cut to outside Town Hall, as Jake tells Jonah that the world is changing. As they chat, a Steven Spielberg-y guy walks past carrying a skeleton and a bag of what presumably are other decorations. I don't know why, but I'm a little bit obsessed with this extra. Jonah says that there's not much money to be made hauling freight now, so "the old side-business has sorta become a full-time gig." He asks if Jake is interested in joining him, and says, "There's a lot of stuff out on the roads waiting for anyone to take it." Jake confirms that Jonah's agreeing to stay out of town, then looks at what he's standing to and adds, "And that's my car." Jonah says Jake left it out on the road. Jake says, "But it was destroyed." No it wasn't. The rear window was smashed. And, okay, they kept to long shots after the crash because it's not like they were going to actually bang up a car for one shot in the pilot, but it certainly wasn't "destroyed." Jonah doesn't mention that he also found a nice station wagon, and a lot of luggage, and two corpses. As Jonah gets into the car, he adds, "She was mine first." He drives away, and Jake turns to see Emily barreling at him. Jake quickly assures her that it's got nothing to do with her. Emily sniffs, "He's my father; it's got everything to do with me." She walks away, but keeps talking because she knows that Jake will follow her obediently. Emily says that after Jake left town, Jonah stalked her for a while: "He wanted me to forgive him for what happened with Chris." She says she'll never forgive him, and sniffs, "Now you're back, and he's back." Jake insists that after tomorrow, Jonah won't bother anyone in town.
Back in Dad's Office, Jake fills in Eric on the plan. Tomorrow at 11 AM, Jake will trade Mitchell for the food. Eric says that he'll tell Dad about the plan. Was Eric just cowering in the office while Jake made this deal? Or was he just sitting in there thinking, "Good & Plenty's! Man, I loved those." All of town hall is festooned with Halloween banners and decals, which really cuts into the idea that this is just for the kids. The pedeconference is interrupted when Jake notices some hubbub, and follows Stanley into the Sheriff's office. Stanley explains, "Gray Anderson's back in town." We zoom past the crowd to a messy-looking Gray, who's semi-collapsed in a chair while a random woman takes his pulse with her finger. I guess she's making sure he's not undead. This is what's awesome: Jake was in the building, then walked out front, talked to Emily, then went back inside to talk to Eric. Stanley was at a ranch several miles away. But Stanley found out that Gray was back before Jake did. Stanley has superpowers, people. This show is gonna transmogrify from the CBS version of Lost to the CBS version of Heroes. And it'll stay just as moronic!
After the ads, Gray tells his tale. He says that he hitched a ride with a supply truck that was taking bottled water "to a FEMA camp near Rogue River." Er. I guess that was after the EMP? So this was how he got back, and we skipped past whatever happened up till that point. But then he mentions that they hit a roadblock outside Topeka, and I give up. Anyway, a dozen guys yanked them out of the truck. Gray fought his way out, but as for the driver: "They just beat him to death, right on the road. They killed him for a few cases of water." Erm. If you were the driver, wouldn't you have just given them the water anyway? I mean, given that you're ostensibly from FEMA? Was the driver thinking he needed to save the water for even thirstier people somewhere further along? Gray asks if they've had any luck getting electrical devices to work. Eric says, "Some simple circuits are still working, like flashlights and electrical razors." The fact that those are the examples that come to his mind says so much about his show. He says that "everything with a circuit board" is out of commission, and specifically mentions "newer cars." Then he asks what's going on in Topeka. Gray says that the fallout from Lawrence hit them hard. Good Cop interrupts to wonder why Lawrence was hit and Topeka wasn't. Gray doesn't know, so Eric asks for an update about the world outside Kansas. Gray announces that New York's okay, and Hawkins, who 's joined the soiree, seems surprised. Gray says that the NYPD "caught three guys right before they flipped the switch." According to him, they caught the guys with a twenty kiloton bomb in a steel drum. Time to bring in Technical Consultant Stephen Granade: "The smallest nuke the US ever made was the W54. The bomb portion of the W54 was about a foot and a third long and a foot in diameter, and weighed around fifty pounds. The one kiloton-yield SADM version was designed to be carried by a guy parachuting behind enemy lines. A fifty-five-gallon drum is about two feet in diameter and nearly three feet high. It would be a tight squeeze, but you might be able to make a steel-drum-sized bomb and get twenty kT out of it. Unless they meant those steel drums that the Trinidad musicians use. Those are way too small." Jake asks about D.C., and Gray sighs, "It's gone."
There's a crowd in the street outside Town Hall, I guess so word from Gray can trickle out through the always-reliable means of fifth-hand gossip. Dale spots Skylar and hurries over to tell her that NYC still exists. Dale is wearing some kind of crazy T-shirt that features a silhouetted figure against a background of flowers, and I'm starting to understand why Skylar's friends think he's a dork. Not that it matters, since they all seem to have died sometime after the EMP. I guess they formed a suicide cult when their iPods stopped working. I don't entirely blame them. Anyway, Skylar's sniffles upon learning that her parents may still be alive, and hugs Dale. Then the townspeople spot her, realize she's socializing outside her caste, and stone her to death. It's so ironic.
Richmond Ranch. Stanley returns home to find Mimi playing solitaire, surrounded by burning candles because, hey, why not burn a dozen of them at once? Mimi yammers about how Bonnie's starting to warm up to her: "Tonight was the first night she said good night without the dirty sign mixed in." Stanley breaks the news that D.C. is "gone." Bummer.
Hawkins homestead. Hey, it looks like they finally finished unpacking! Allison is poking at some generic cup o' noodles. Which leads Johanna and I to have a long conversation about yummy cup o'noodles. Hawkins walks in and says, "Y'know, stirring them doesn't make them taste any better." Which is just silly, because yes it does. You have to make sure every noodle is thoroughly coated in salt, after all. Allison says, "So, Cindy Mather is dead?" Hawkins sits down and says that it depends on how close she was to the bomb. Allison asks about Joel Stafford. Allison, his answer is going to be the same for anyone you name. She says that Joel was going to ask her out, and asks, "Did they feel it, when they died?" Yo, Allison: see answer. Hawkins comfortingly says, "It would have been fast." Then she winces and sighs, "And Doug." Hawkins asks who Doug is. "Mom's boyfriend," Allison says. Hawkins sits back with a smirky "hmph," at which point Allison realizes that she just dropped her own bomb. "I thought you knew," she says, and Hawkins flaps a hand at her.
Town hall. Gary's all huffy about the deal Jake made with Jonah. He says, "You can't make deals with guys like that! Jake squints weirdly with one eye, like he wants to wink but realizes it would be inappropriate. Gary goes over Jonah's resumé: "He hauled materials for Stevens before I came into the mine -- stealing 5% off the top, intimidating suppliers." He adds that Jonah was in prison for extortion and assault. And he almost shot Apollo, but that's probably just a misdemeanor. Eric says that Gary has a point, and Jake asks, "What happened to clearing this with Dad?" Gary rants that he's seen what happens when law and order break down: "You start striking deals with bad guys, and it's the beginning of the end!" I thought we're already past the beginning of the end. Johanna says that it's kind of the middle of the end. I wish it was the end of the end. Jake tells Gary to chill, and points out that they need food more than they need Mitchell. Man, it's so weird when Jake makes sense. He says the meeting with Jonah is an hour from now: "If I go out there empty handed, I don't know what he's gonna do!" Gary says that Jonah will learn that they won't roll over for him, and insists that they have to "hold onto this territory." Eric agrees.
Gracie's. Skylar deposits cans of soda on the counter, and explains that it's only half of the case, but she needs the jewelry box back. Johanna gasps, "She drank half a case of soda in a day?" You'd think she'd have at least tried to make it last. Gracie says that they made a deal. Dale eavesdrops as Skylar whines that her parents may have survived, and could come home at any minute. And I'm sure, after everything else, they'll be really concerned about losing a jewelry box. Gracie says that she's happy for Skylar. And that's all. Skylar moans that the box is a family heirloom: "It's worth a lot more than some diet soda." Then I guess you didn't make a very good trade, did you, Skylar? I mean, yes, Gracie does seem to be insane, but so is this entire subplot, so it's hard for me to work up much outrage about it. Gracie tells Skylar that she already traded the box for something else, but refuses to say who's got it now. Another customer passes through, offering a vase for whatever she's buying. Gracie passes the vase off to Dale, telling him to "lock this up in the back." Skylar huffs off, and leaves the soda behind.
Jake stands alone on a dirt road as Jonah drives up, followed by a truck. Jonah gets out and sighs, "Looks like you forgot someone." Jake says that the town nixed the deal. "How can I fix this?" he asks. Jonah turns, gets back into the car, and drives away.
It's nighttime. Frodo skulks through a dark room. But his magic sword is glowing, so there must be Riders nearby! Will he find the ring in time? Oh, no, it's just Dale with a flashlight, poking around in Gracie's treasure room. The shelves are full of knickknacks and vases. Seriously, is she insane? Maybe she's just counting on the idea that eventually normalcy will be restored, and then she'll make a fortune on eBay. Johanna wants to know why nobody's stopping her from being so crazy. Though, now that I think about it, most of the townsfolk are probably happy with things as they are. I can just imagine a scene where Jake tells Gracie, "You should trade for stuff that people will want, like winter clothes, or candles, or tools, or -- " and then Stanley conks him over the head with a wrench because he's going to ruin their sweet deal. So now I think it's mean that they're all exploiting Gracie's craziness. Which is kind of how I feel about Gollum, so maybe it all ties together after all. Anyway, Dale spots the jewelry box on a shelf and, for some reason, opens it. I guess he just wanted a peek inside Skylar's box.
Out on main street, there are strings of lanterns hanging, and the kids are trick or treating at whatever lame block party they've set up. People are also wandering into Town Hall. I wonder if they set up a little haunted house thing where at the end, they get to go stare at Mitchell in his cell. Witness the horror of...the dude who sings folk songs! Aieee! A couple of menacing dudes pass through the crowd, and the music lets us know that Something Is Up.
Bad Cop is stuck with desk duty again. As the menacing dudes enter, he says, "No candy in here, guys." So naturally, they pull out guns. Marshmallow guns! And they say, "This is what we think of your 'no candy' rules, copper!" Or something like that. They all walk back to the cell, and Bad Cop unlocks it. He's shoved instead, and Mitchell is sprung. As soon as Mitchell and the menacing dudes are gone, Bad Cop screams for Gray. Gray pops out of an interview room, and Bad Cop says that Jonah's men just left with Mitchell. Gray grabs a shotgun on his way out.
This goes on a really long time. Jonah's boys walk out of Town Hall and try to dodge through the crowd outside. Then the music changes pitch to generate even more excitement, or to distracts us from the fact that we're really just watching people walk fast. Gray shoves his way outside and says, "Hey!" Jonah's boys walk. Hastily. Wait, now they're actually running! And Gray's running, too! It's action-packed! Oh wait, Jonah's boys have gone back to walking. Jake notices the...fast-walkers, I guess. Gray shouts, "Hey!" again. Gray, the phrase you want is, "Everybody get down!" Although I guess the townsfolk might take that as a cue to start disco-ing. The boys start running again as they make it to a clear part of town, and Gray hurries up and takes aim at them. And then Jake slams into Gray, almost knocking him down as he snaps, "No!"
After the commercials, Jake and Gray are tussling over the gun. Gray barks that Jake is letting them get away. Jake asks, "Instead of starting a fire-fight on Main Street?" Gary says that he's going to go after them, and Jake asks if he's out of his mind. Gray says, "This has gotta be answered!" Jake says he'll talk to Jonah, and points out that Jonah was ready to make good on their deal. He adds that Jonah can get things the town needs. Gary's skeptical, but Jake says, "He can get food! He can get gas, he can get ammo! Could you get that stuff if we needed it tomorrow?" Gary's silent, so Jake takes the shotgun away and says that they'll do things his way now.
Cut to a Tarrantino-ish shot from inside a trunk, as Jake and Heather stare down at us. Except then we go to a wide shot of...well, I guess it's the garage that Heather runs when she's not teaching school, or something. Turns out they were actually looking at the engine of an old pickup. Jake whines, "Is this thing gonna die on me?" Heather admits that it hasn't run so well ever since she replaced the carburetor with a camera. She also mentions that the truck is named "Charlotte," as Jake gets into it with a sigh. Heather warns Jake to be careful with Jonah, and says that she's talked to Emily. Jake says, "Yeah, what'd she tell you?" "Enough," Heather answers, with a significant look. With that, Jake drives away. "By the way, you're welcome!" Heather fails to shout.
Hawkins Homestead. Hawkins enters the living room and tells Darcy that they've set up a grill and are ready to barbecue some spam. Ew. Darcy stares into space silently. The Hawkins family seems to own a lot of vases. They should go buy out Gracie's store. Hawkins waits for a minute, and tells his wife that he knows about Doug. Darcy asks what he knows, and Hawkins says, "I know that he's probably gone." Then he takes a turn staring at nothing as he adds, "I know...that he meant a lot to you." Darcy sneers, "You don't know a damn thing." Oo, is this gonna be like Rebecca? Darcy could say, "Loved him? I hated him!" Although, as evocative titles go, I'm not sure that Doug is a winner. Hawkins asks, "Were my kids close to him?" Darcy suggests that he should ask them, and Hawkins snaps, "I don't wanna ask the kids!" He calms down a little and says that he's asking her. After a beat, Darcy asks why he came and got her, instead of just taking the kids and skedaddling. She mentions that he sat in traffic for two hours on the Beltway so that she could come along on this fun romp. Oh honey, that wasn't about you. He was going to sit in traffic no matter what if he was taking the Beltway somewhere. Darcy says that Hawkins hated her for breaking up their marriage. Then she adds, "Even though you left me for your work long I ever looked at another man." Er, maybe the hate isn't entirely on just his side, then, Darcy. I'm not saying it's not justified, but I'm picking up on just a smidgen of anger here. After another pause, Hawkins says he'll tell the kids she's not feeling well, and starts for the door. At which point Darcy says that she'd been dating Doug for three months, and says that she liked how she felt when he looked at her. She admits, "I was thinking about introducing him to the kids." Hawkins nods slowly. Darcy winds things up with, "Now I'm back in a house of secrets with a man who looks at me like..." She looks over at him, and concludes, "Like that." I don't think Hawkins was looking at her in any particular way, but then I suppose that's kind of her point. She asks again why he came back for her. "Someone's gotta do the washing up," Hawkins doesn't say. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all; he just leaves.
Jonah's compound. Ooh, and a different angle on it. It's actually at least two fairly large warehouses along with the outbuildings. Please adjust your maps accordingly. Jake drives up in his borrowed pickup. Hey, their driveway is all wet, too. What is up with that? Mitchell looks up from whatever he's doing with a clipboard (my guess: sudoku) and he and a few other flunkies go to be all menacing at Jake. They surround him, and Jake promtly socks one of them in the jaw. Well, that was rude. And also dumb. The rest of the guys grab Jake and they all start tussling. Pants him! Before the tickle fight can really get going, there's a whistle, and Jonah calls, "Let him go!"
Jonah leads Jake a few yards away and asks what's up. Jake says, "A lot of people in town aren't gonna let that stand." Well, really it's just Gray, isn't it? Jake says that the townsfolk are talking about coming to take Mitchell. Is he supposed to be bluffing, or was a scene establishing this something that was cut to make more time for the ambling chase earlier? Jonah snickers, "Did you ever in your life think that anyone would care this much about Mitchell Cafferty?" Jake says that neither of them want a fight. So he's got a new deal to propose: Jonah can keep Mitchell, and sell the food to the town through Gracie's market, and in exchange, he can buy things from the town. "Fresh water, crops, salt from the mine." And he won't mess with the townsfolk. Jake adds, "We'll send a trailer to pick up supplies; you don't come to us." I can't wait till the episode when Jonah finds out he's going to be paid in knickknacks. Jonah says he'll think about it. But wait, he's got a counterproposal: he wants to talk to Emily. Jonah says, "She blames me for Chris's death. Things might be different if she knew whose fault it really was." Jake says that he tried to warn Chris off the job that got him killed. Jonah says Chris needed someone there to watch his back. "He needed a father!" Jake says. Jonah repeats that Emily should know the truth about what happened, and Jake says that he already told her. Okay, but could someone tell us, because nothing merits this much teasing. Jonah is surprised to hear that, and asks, "Did she forgive you?" Jake says no. "Neither do I," Jonah says. He didn't ask you to, Jonah. Jake says that he can't get Emily to talk to Jonah, and Jonah says, "Then I guess we don't have a deal," and walks away.
Town Hall. Gray pulls Eric into the Sheriff's office for a conference. Apparently, Gray has noticed "a lot of unfamiliar faces," so he did a little digging. He reports that eight families have arrived in Jericho since he left, and fourteen total arrived after the bombs. Wow, Gray had a busy morning. Or maybe he just asked Gracie. Eric says that some townsfolk had relatives who turned up, plus there were a few random yahoos from Colorado. Gray asks if they know anything about the new arrivals. Like, has that lady checked each of them for a pulse? Actually, Gray's wants to know where they've been and what they know? Which seem like reasonable things to ask, really, considering they sent people like Gray out to collect information. But Eric doesn't like the sound of this, for some reason. Gray, weirdly, says he doesn't either, but that they need to be prepared. Eric looks over Gray's list, and snorts, "Robert Hawkins? The man has two kids. He's been nothing but helpful." And also, he arrived before the bombs. Gray covers that immediately, though, which still doesn't quite explain why he opened by talking about people who turned up after everything went boom. Whatever. Gray points out that Hawkins moved in just two days before the bombs, and paid for his house in cash. He says that he just wants to know "who [they're] sharing our foxhole with -- it costs [them] nothing to find out."
Gracie's. Gracie finds Dale rearranging their wares and asks if he wants to tell her anything. Apparently the answer is no. She says the jewelry box is missing. Dale asks why Gracie said that she didn't have the box. Gracie whimpers, "We made a fair trade." She says that Skylar is spoiled, and that people like her think the rules don't apply to them. Then Gracie tries the "after all I've done for you" tactic, which backfires in a big way. Dale lectures, "I was the one who found the train. I was the one who walked five miles everyday dragging food back here." Woah, what? I thought he was the one who got a bunch of not-that-scary bad guys to move it for him? Once again, I can't tell if the characters are intentionally lying, or if continuity is a sad victim of radiation poisoning. They'll be sorry when continuity claws its way out of its grave and seeks revenge. Gracie tries to protest as Dale says that she wouldn't even have a store without him. And some horse thieves. "I'm done!" he says, and tosses his keys on a shelf. "Noooo," Gracie wails, while some shoppers stare at them curiously. As Dale marches out, he passes Skylar, who I guess came back looking for the soda she left behind.
Bailey's. Eric joins Jake at the bar, and asks where Mary is. Jake says that Wednesday is her night off. But apparently she leaves the bar open as a hangout. Fine. Eric asks what Jake's drinking. Jake says, "I don't know." He says it might be kerosene: "They haven't figured out the still yet." Jake says that things didn't go well with Jonah, and Eric shares that he's "becoming Gray's yes-man." Y'know, if you aren't happy about that, all you have to do is stop saying "yes." Neither of them wants to go tell Dad what's going on, so instead they regale us with some story about setting Dad's carpet on fire. Jake insists, "All you had to do was stick to the story, we'd have been fine." Eric points out that their cover story was that he'd had a seizure and knocked over a desk-lamp. And just like that, I realized that this show is a live-action version of The Venture Brothers. The boys sip their drinks, and I make gagging sounds because, ugh. At least put water in it or something.
Hawkins enters the bar, walks over to Darcy at a booth, and opens the conversation with, "I think you've had enough to drink." Ah, we're back to codependency theater. Darcy seems to have found some wine, at least. Hawkins wants to finish their conversation, which is a bit much since he's the one who decided to walk out on their last one. Darcy says that she's done talking for the day, and loudly tells him to go home. Hawkins sits down, looks at her as sincerely as he can, and says, "I came back for you because you are my wife." He had hours (or days, for all I can tell with this show) to come up with something, and this his best effort? Darcy, to her credit, is silent.
Richmond ranch. Mimi's out on the porch fussing over some papers. And there's an old-timey...something sitting out in the yard. I thought it was a plow, but it looks like it's got rakes attached to it. So I think it's something Stanley rigged up. He's like Caractacus Pott! I can't wait till he decides to pay off his taxes by going into town and performing a vaudeville routine. Behind the rolling rake are the beautiful, rolling golden hills of Cali -- er, Kansas. I mean, I understand they aren't really gonna go film in Kansas, but it'd be nice if we weren't regularly presented with these scenic vistas that we're not supposed to notice. Stanley brings Mimi some tomato soup, saying it usually helps him feel better.You know, whenever he's finds out that his home town has been nuked. He asks how her project is coming. Mimi says that she can only remember half the details of half of her "pending audits." Stanley nicely points out that this is a huge waste of time. "What the hell else am I gonna do?" Mimi asks. Well, maybe help out with the ranch? Just a thought. Stanley puts the soup down on the table, and tries to move the papers out of the way. And, naturally, that's when the wind starts up, and the pile of papers is scattered out across the front yard. Stanley and Mimi hustle to gather up the scattered papers. As they do so, Stanley hastily says he understands how she feels, and explains that his parents died when he was eighteen, and how "those first few days were...bad." Stanley, master of understatement. Mimi snaps, "Everything and everyone that I ever cared about was incinerated four weeks ago!" Which shuts Stanley up. For a second. Then he says he's just trying to be nice to her. Mimi yells, "Stop being nice to me!" She tosses down the papers she's picked up, and says that Stanley doesn't owe her, or anyone, anything. Stanley says, "Cool beans. Then get your crazy ass out of my house." Well, no, because he's nice. Then Mimi walks a little further away and finally breaks down crying, and there's a majestic crane shot as we pull back, and Johanna says, "Wow, those papers went really far." Which they did.
Jake and Eric arrive home, and find Emily emoting on the stairs. That's never a good sign. She burbles that she wanted to talk to Jake, but then there was a thing and the stuff with the guy, and she finally spits out, "Hurry!" and runs upstairs. Jake and Eric follow, and Emily says that Dad's gone into shock. "Or something." They arrive upstairs and find Dad on the floor, with Mom and April giving him CPR. Eric immediately puts his hands up on his head to express shocked bewilderment, so I guess that's a Green family trait. Jake, Eric, April, and Emily make various worried expressions. Mom actually does shit. And then the soundtrack music fades out, and there's just a heartbeat, which is kind of a relief. And everything gets slow. And then I figure we're going to go to a commercial, but instead Dad gasps and starts breathing. April helps Mom roll Dad onto his side, and Eric allows his hands to slip down from his skull. Jake expresses his with a weird eyeroll that makes me giggle.
Cut to the living room, where April, Eric, Jake, and Emily have gathered. April says that Dad's septic. Eric asks how they treat him. April gives him a "duh," look, which seems uncalled for. Eric repeats the question, and April says that the clinic isn't operational, they can't medivac Dad to the hospital in Rogue River, and there aren't any "heavy duty" meds left. I wait for April to say that they're going to have to take Dad out back and shoot him, but she stops short of that. She does say he'll be dead within a day, though. Emily asks what kind of drugs Dad needs. April says, "Cipro, probably, but we ran out weeks ago." Okay, seriously: what happened to all their drugs? Nobody's been sick except Dad! And that one zombie, okay, but I don't think they were giving him Cipro. Jake gets that "I have a cunning plan" look, and says that they'd have Cipro in Rogue River. April says that's ninety miles away. "Better get going, then," Jake says. Eric calls shotgun. April protests that it's too dangerous, and as the boys start for the door suddenly everyone freezes. Eek, Mom's on the stairs! Oh, wait, that's not scary at all. My mistake. Mom's eyes glisten as she grunts, "Go. Go now." We hear a door slam.
During the commercials I ask Johanna, "But if she's been slowly poisoning Dad, why is she trying to save him now?" Then we simultaneously realize that Mom's just figuring she can get rid of Jake and Eric, too. And then she will rule the town with her velvet fist! Gray had better watch his back. I add that it's gonna turn out that Mom's just trying to get rid of anyone who stands between her and the jewelry box. It's like the box in Hellraiser! But that's just a theory. And no, I don't think all those years of Angel affected me at all, why do you ask?
When we return, Jonah is fussing over his/Jake's car. He slams the hood down, which reveals Emily standing nearby, saying that she's ready to talk. He leads her into an office, and she quickly announces that Dad's sick. She says, "I don't care what you think of him, okay? I'm here to ask for your help." She says Dad needs Cipro. Jonah says he doesn't have any, and Emily starts to leave. Jonah quickly says he might be able to help. Emily turns back, takes a seat, and then Jonah starts asking questions about her fiancée. Emily reluctantly says that he's an investment banker. Jonah explains that he wants to make sure someone is looking out for her. Emily asks if they're supposed to be a family now. "You want someone to invite you for Thanksgiving dinner? If you think for one second that I would do that again, you're crazy! Not after last time, when you put the pitted olives on your fingertips, and then tried to see how many biscuits you could fit in your mouth at once!" I made a little of that up. As she heads for the door again, Jonah says that she's got a funny way of asking for his help. She turns back, and Jonah declares that he'll help her, but that they need to see more of each other. Well, that's kind of nice, isn't it?
Skylar discovers Dale perched on someone's front steps. Oh, or that might be the church. Eh, it doesn't matter. She says she's been looking for him, although if that were true, why didn't she just follow him when he walked out of Gracie's right past her? Dale looks up at her silently and then pulls the jewelry box out of his backpack. Skylar is grateful for having the gateway to the Cenobite dimension restored to her, and then gasps upon realizing that Dale's had that big fight with Gracie because of her box. Look, they're handing me these jokes. It'd be rude not to accept. Skylar asks where Dale's staying. "A friend's house," Dale mutters. "Oh, Dale, don't be silly! You don't have any friends!" Skylar laughs. Actually, she just tells him to come with her, which is kind of nice until she adds, "You can sleep on the couch at my place." How many bedrooms do you think there are at Skylar's? I mean, there are at least two, and given the size, I'm thinking it's more like four. So it's sort of nice that he's allowed to sleep on her couch, but it's nice in the same way that Gracie let him sleep in her storeroom.
Heather is fretting as Jake prepares the pickup for a drive to Rogue River. She wants to work on the truck a bit more, and says it'll only go thirty or forty MPH. She adds, "Downhill. And not for very long." She says going on horseback might make more sense. Jake says that a horse would be even slower, but Heather points out, "A horse is less likely to explode." Jake waggles his gun at her and says he'll take his chances. I don't know if he's trying to suggest that he's going to scare the car into going faster, but it kind of comes off that way. As Jake starts to get in the cab, Heather pelts him with advice. She says that the gas tank is on the left, "So if somebody decides to start shooting at you, make sure it's not on that side." I'm not sure that's really within his control. Johanna just hopes that's another example of their subtle foreshadowing. Jake asks if she's got any other tips. Heather plants a big kiss on him. I'll take that as a "no." On the soundtrack, Umbrellas sing about how, just like ships, we float through each other's lives. Johanna asks if ships float through each other. I'm pretty sure they don't.
When they're done kissing, Heather tells Jake, "Come back in one piece." Jake kind of laughs, and Johanna says she would to, if someone said that to her. I immediately resolve to say that to her all the time. I almost-as-immediately forget this resolution. They nod at each other for a minute, and then Heather asks if Jake's gonna, like, get going. Jake says he's waiting for Eric. Awkward. Heather backs away and finally says, and yes, I know, but just wait, she says, "Watch out for giant irradiated hands out there." Because according to the captions, that's what she says, and since I was on the phone with Johanna, I had the captions on. And I immediately ask if she really said "hands" or "ants." Because if she said "ants," it'd make sense (sorta) but the captions said "hands." Johanna has a Tivo, so she rewinds and says "It sounds like 'hands.'" And then later, when the show was over, I went back and yeah, it really does. And I understand that that the end of "irradiated" kind of blurs into the start of "ants", but seriously. Go back and listen, and tell me it doesn't sound like there's a "D" on the end of that. Plus, of course, giant irradiated hands? That's a much funnier image than giant irradiated ants. And it's even better if you bear in mind that Jake's line is "Always do." So I propose that, much like the zombie army, we all agree to believe that Heather warned Jake about giant disembodied glowing hands that might crawl right over his truck. I am Strega, and I approve this message.
Town Hall. Eric is hastily stowing some gear in a bag as Gray wanders in and asks what's going on. Eric explains about their road trip, and Gray asks if he's sure it's a good idea. Eric pulls two shotguns out of a cabinet and says, "Not really." Gray warns them not to stop for anything, and Eric promises that they'll be back by morning. He also asks Gray to "keep an eye on things." But he doesn't warn him to watch out for Mom.
Eric joins Jake at the pickup and is none too pleased about their ride. But then he spots Jonah's/Jake's car drive up, along with that big truck o' goodies. Jake marches over to see what's going on, looking as stern as he can in a hoodie. Emily gets out of the car and tosses Jake the keys, saying it's a gift from Jonah. "You know there are no gifts with him," Jake says, obscurely. He apologizes for dragging her into this, but then he and Eric prepare to move their gear into the car.
Richmond ranch. Stanley is munching on "Wheat Squares." Damien Rice sings about how "Older chests reveal themselves" just as Mimi sits down in her plunging V-neck. Rice goes on singing poignantly as we watch Mom watching Dad sleep. And then we see Jake and Eric pretending to drive down the highway.
time: With the Green family out of commission, Gray teams up with Jonah, locks up Gracie, and starts drawing up some kind of sensible survival plan for the townsfolk. Naw, I'm just being silly again. It looks like there are commandos or something!